Game Theory: I Made Markiplier's PERFECT Pokemon! (Markiplier Smash or Pass)

pass pass pass pass pass pass what's this pass smash wait why why would he want to smash a bee drill you mean like crush it because it's it's a big bug oh man wouldn't that be like a like smooshing it or uh swatting it maybe oh my god matt gross hello internet welcome to game theory the show that can't pass on the opportunity to ask you to smash that subscribe button very proud of that intro today's episode is dumb stupid whooped silly willy in all the best ways possible not since the luigi's eggplant episode has there been something this dumb and ridiculous on the channel but you know what here we are and i gotta admit i am excited about it we've been so serious lately talking about fnaf and inscription and arg's it's time to go back to the basics the roots of this channel analyzing one man deciding whether or not he'd enjoy having relations with 900 fictional animals huh markiplier hit him with the dab it's still alive it's 20 20 come on bring it back we actually have a bit of back and forth when it comes to our channels he plays power wash simulator and asks for a theory i want a deep dive video from matpat about the lore of power wash simulator i like the good friend that i am make the theory about it he creates a mystery series full of lore i dissect said lore he plays security breach and calls people who pick monty golf nerds anyone that picks monty golf is just a nerd i of course go on to pick monty golf gator golf but if there's one thing i love more than mark it's math numbers that's sweet sweet data so when mark uploaded a smash or pass video covering all 900 pokemon that was like the stars of content aligning the whole thing happened with no context no explanation and seemingly no consistency i really did not mean to say smash this is horrifying smash but what if there was a subconscious pattern here some sort of logic that cuts through the seemingly random knee-jerk choices what if there was a perfect pokemon that markiplier missed or better yet what if we created for markiplier his perfect pokemon i had to look into it and with the power of math on my side i believe i found something despite the preferences that he voices in the video his subconscious was making decisions that even he didn't fully understand smash why well don't worry mark as your friend i'm here to help you out so let's dive into this meme-ish madness to see what this video actually tells us about markiplier's smash or past preferences also quick disclaimer before we start not here to cast judgment or comment on any sort of sexuality we're just sticking to the data and the trends that mark provided about his preferences on fictional creatures love equals love even when that means mark's love for a giant sentient pile of sand weirdly smash when the smasher pass video ends mark has said smash to 73 pokemon yes i recognize that the video counter actually says 72 but when he says smash to lana the counter doesn't go up for whatever reason when you look at the totality of the 73 that he chose there's a real variety here so before we get into the whole data set i thought it'd be a good idea to start with the pokemon that he didn't just choose to smash but that he had a noticeable response to over the course of the video there are three in particular that merit an over-the-top reaction floorgis sarina [Music] lining these three up side by side you can immediately start to see a trend appearing what i would describe as traditionally humanoid feminine features sultry eyes long legs that kind of thing feramosa and sarina even talk about these features in their pokedex entries quote from feramosa's ultrasun entry a life form that lives in another world its body is thin and supple but it also possesses great power and from pokemon sword's entry on sarina this feared pokemon has long slender legs and a cruel heart it shows no mercy as it stomps on its opponents what this shows us is not only do these two have traditionally feminine qualities they're also incredibly strong and prone to violence definitely coincides with data that we've seen from mark in the past how many times have i said i want a woman that could crush my head in between her thighs yeah ferramosa definitely has those step on me vibes people might mistake me for some kind of a masochist which isn't true and would be ridiculous for people to think about in fact i was surprised by how many pokemon he chose that did have sharp teeth claws talons and spikes 19 to be precise 26 of his choices now obviously that means that 74 of his choices didn't have things that could cut tear or gouge him but it felt like quite a high percentage for someone that vehemently denies being a masochist do you think mark is a masochist yes it's so completely obvious but for some reason he's in denial about it outside of those physical features it's about it nothing much to unite the key three so i then took a look at the wider data set and it's there that you really start to see some fascinating trends looking at every pokemon mark with smash his overwhelming preference where pokemon from generation 7 16 of the 73 roughly 22 percent including choices like zelazzle and primarina the interesting thing about that is that generation seven primarily took place in alola pokemon's version of hawaii and went to know it but mark was born in hawaii clearly he felt some kind of deep-seated connection with the pokemon native to his birthplace despite these choices being made without him recognizing anyone past gen 1. now we're getting into things that i have no idea are these even real pokemon anymore sometimes the heart just can't articulate what the heart wants but deep down it knows what feels right and while mark immediately shows an innate preference for leggy hawaiians beyond that he appears to be fairly open-minded take typing for instance mark in general shows no discrimination every type here has been smashed at least twice but his top types are psychic which came out to 11 smashes closely followed by water with 10. all the rest were 8 or lower with steel and rock being the bottom two categories but psychic being at the top actually makes a lot of sense when you think about it we've established mark's attraction for humanoid figures in the pokemon and if you look at psychic types a decent number of them appear to be in the human-like egg group even ones that don't appear there do tend to have human or fairy-like qualities like mewtwo or the tapu legendaries speaking of appearances it's probably worth talking about color i mean things like type aren't necessarily obvious when you first look at them even the anime has this running joke about pseudo-wudo looking like a tree but actually being a rock type pseudo-wudo's a rock type that's pretty hard to believe rock types are usually rough and rockies more like more like a grass pokemon so while mark's type selection may have been more of a subconscious one color is something that's very hard to ignore when the pokemon is right there in front of you looking at the primary and secondary colors of each of his choices mark showed a preference towards pokemon that contained large amounts of the color purple closely followed by pink and black purple to me seemed like an obvious choice as i've always associated with the psychics but when i look back at it there aren't actually that many purple psychic types i guess it was always the psychic energy card from the tcg that had been burned into my brain anyway purple in color theory combines the calm stability of blue with the fierce energy of red both things that i think embody mark to a t i'm pretty sure this was not part of my contract and frankly i hate everything you stand for and everything that you are oh my god i'm done oh god [Applause] purple is also the color associated with royalty again a not too unfamiliar markiplier trait place the crown upon my head and then call me the king of five nights at freddy's now i'd be remiss if i didn't talk about mark's preferences when it comes to other features eight feet tall are you kidding me she's very large very large very powerful very powerful very large height and weight obviously not something that's immediately obvious when you look at a pokemon and if you have any connection with anime you know that height and weight are um inconsistent there at best but i looked at it anyway mark did choose a couple of big boys namely waylord at 14 and a half meters or 47 feet long and weighing in at the whopping 398 kilograms or 877 pounds something tells me mark in that situation you're not the one doing the smashing and while that's certainly one end of the spectrum he once again shows a willingness to diversify his tastes with him going so far as to smash sinistee the black tea pokemon that measures in at 0.1 meters or 4 inches tall and weighs in at only 0.2 kilograms or 0.4 pounds all that being said when you look at the graph there is a definite trend here sure there are a number of outliers but most of his choices were under 100 kilograms and also under 2 meters in height with his averages sitting at 1.53 meters just over five foot tall and 58 kilograms or 130 pounds the average woman in the united states is one and a half meters or five foot three and a half inches tall and weighs in at 77.5 kilograms or 171 pounds so in spite of markiplier's insistence that he likes them big how many times have i said i want a woman that could crush my head in between her thighs the evidence actually shows that his preference is for pokemon that are smaller than average i'm king of the squirrels i mean i wasn't implying that small but you did just help me segue into my next point animal groups you know mammals fish reptiles birds amphibians invertebrates those sorts of groups it's a very simple way for us to group animals based on certain features the pokemon world already has its own version of this which is the egg groups but egg groups are weirdly unspecific especially when it comes to some of the larger categories the field group for instance is the most common group so it's not surprising that it came out as the number one in markiplier's pick of pokemon but the group itself is very random there are mammals like lot bunny but also reptiles like arbok and birds like blaziken so as the group consists of many different types and appearances it seemed pretty unhelpful from a data standpoint hence i broke the data down into what each pokemon looks like adding a couple of extra categories like objects ghosts plants and humans to cover all the bases i initially thought that birds were gonna be at the top because so many of his picks were just straight up birds like swanna and mandibuzz but the data was actually a bit more spread out than i expected with four groups all basically tied for the top slot birds bugs mammals and humanoids i did try to take it a step further maybe it wasn't actual birds that came out on top but maybe bird-like faces pointed and sharp features think pokemon like zoroark with its elongated face are malamar who is more like a squid but has a beak and is just very long and pointed however the data surprised me here as 18 faces do fit the sharp pointed description but it was trounced by the 35 pokemony chose with rounded facial features like gardevoir sligoo lydian and of course magneton can't get much rounder than literal orbs now obviously we can't measure things like age when it comes to pokemon other than the odd pokedex entry like floor jess that talks about him being centuries old evolution on the other hand is measurable how many evolutions in each pokemon's evolutionary chain how do they evolve what stage within the evolutionary chain does markiplier prefer and it seems like he likes a mature of the 73 smashes 42 were fully evolved forms and 33 of those came from a two-step evolution process it's also worth noting that most of his choices were evolutions brought about by leveling rather than things like items friendship or trading weirdly the results tell us what i think we can all agree on mark works hard and he surrounds himself with people who also work hard he puts a lot of effort into his content he works out regularly at least i thought he did you exercise often and stay active uh no not lately and so he appreciates a pokemon in his life that's not gonna be there just for show but instead is gonna be putting in the effort alongside him but effort into what what skills does he find particularly useful well it turns out mark wants a companion that stays close to him and can fend off attackers from a distance one that he would never have to send directly out into dangerous territory in short he's a big fan of pokemon with high special attack stats and low defense stats to me this translates to mark being fiercely loyal and protective over a small handful of people keeping them very close keeping them safe but maybe being distant himself to those outside of his inner circle and just like that we've come to the end of my data-driven journey in all the data collection these were the strongest and most interesting results but what if we took it a step further i know mark reacted to all the pokemon his list is definitive of what he would and would not smash but what if there was something he missed one that in the flow of the video he said pass on without considering what is the perfect pokemon for markiplier based on all the data that we just crunched it's time i pull out the big guns or as the man himself would say this big brain time so after analyzing all our data we can determine that markiplier's perfect match needs to be about four foot five inches to five foot tall 1.35 to 1.53 meters and weigh in between 80 and 128 pounds 36 to 58 kilos they need to be a purple psychic type with high special attack and low physical defense they need to be the fully evolved form of a two-step evolutionary line which is achieved via leveling up they need to be in the field egg group and more specifically have the appearance of a mammal bird human or bug and ideally they got some strong long legs that he can crush his head between and so plugging all that into the computer we get drumroll please nothing mark didn't just pass on one by accident all the features just don't exist in one package but don't worry theorists i wasn't content to leave you or mark empty-handed maybe there's a pokemon that's close enough one that ticks almost all the boxes just not quite all of them after digging around for several hours of my life that i'll never get back i present to you the pokemon that fits the bill means xiao height right in the pocket at 1.4 meters weight right there at 35.5 kilos mean xiao isn't a psychic type but it is definitely purple has low physical defense and is the final form of a two-stage evolution and to round it all off mean shao was a mammal and part of the field egg group and what's most interesting of all was mark's response to mean xiao during his video that would definitely make me a furry pass he paused to think about his decision but what ultimately made him pass was the idea of the social stigma what people might perceive him to be if he were to make that choice otherwise it seemed like he was all ready to say smash like he smashed a lot funny just moments before asking the exact same thing would this make me a furry if i said smash smash i guess what i and the data are collectively trying to say is mark just go with your heart don't let society tell you what's right or wrong for you to smash after all diamond and pearl explicitly state that quote there once were people who married pokemon this was a normal thing because long ago people and pokemon were the same so wanting to smash pokemon isn't about being a furry instead it's just about following the natural order where pokemon could become people and people could become pokemon and there was no judgment on either side and you know think we could all learn a little lesson from that and who knows the pokemon company did just announce a brand new generation pokemon scarlet and violet so maybe this new generation will provide mark with his perfect pokemon but then again that's an awfully long time to wait so how do i take matters into my own hands well not literally my hands considering i have zero art skills whatsoever but instead i decided to hire an artist to design mark's perfect pokemon for us using all the attributes that we talked about today one with a generally rounded face but pointy features and sultry eyes a purple mammal that would conceivably have psychic abilities maybe some long strong legs that could crush a man's head as well as some sharp claws for good measure a pokemon that suggests femininity but without being overly sexualized and all of it wrapped inside of a character design that you know could conceivably appear in a future pokemon game as opposed to something that was just designed for mark's visual entertainment and so ladies and gentlemen i present to you markiplier's perfect pokemon i have to say no matter what mark thinks i think this turned out great you keep your leering male gaze elsewhere my friend i love this design not in a smashable way though not necessarily not in a smashable way i just think it's great i feel like i should submit it to gamefreak i think our artist crushed it she did an incredible job all of her links are gonna be down in the description below but fun's not over yet this pokemon doesn't have a name so sound off in the comments what you think we should call this thing i am fascinated to see what you guys come up with which means that there's only one thing left for you to smash and that's the subscribe button but hey that's just a theory a game theory thanks for watching and hey if you're looking for more to watch we've actually got a couple of other theories about markiplier that are um slightly more serious than this one one looking into the markiplier connected universe which is going to be important within space coming up soon and what about the secret messages that are hidden inside the channel that shall not be named unas honest can't have your theory proved wrong if the evidence no longer exists am i right anyway those two links are on screen right now so check them out if you enjoyed this one subscribe because you know we're gonna be covering in space with markiplier when that comes out and i'll catch you all next week

Channel: The Game Theorists

Views: 4,760,865

Keywords: markiplier, markiplier smash or pass, markiplier pokemon, pokemon, markiplier pokemon smash or pass, smash or pass, markiplier 3 scary games, markiplier lore, darkiplier, darkiplier lore, game theory, game theorists, matpat, game theory markiplier, matpat markiplier, markiplier game theory, markiplier matpat, pokemon legends arceus, pokemon scarlet and violet, pokemon arceus, markiplier scary games, markiplier security breach

Id: gDO7oDvL8aE

Length: 16min 35sec (995 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 06 2022