For Anyone Who Feels Rejected or Invisible in Dating

you're not supposed to be for everyone if you're for most people you're doing something wrong you're chameleonizing yourself people pleasing being an inauthentic version of you how do we continue with the search for love when it feels like it's so fruitless for us when we feel invisible when we feel like we keep going on dates that don't go anywhere maybe even dates with initial promise where it felt like someone liked us but then they never spoke to us again afterwards it never materialized into another date rejection hurts when we get too many rejections it starts to make us want to quit all together because we feel hopeless we think what's the point and each new rejection just reiterates and reinforces this belief that we're not good enough that we're not desirable that we're not worthy and when we feel that way we will insert whatever is our biggest insecurity into that you know it's because of my age it's because I'm not attractive enough is because I'm not smart enough it's because I'm not successful enough it's because of my body we all have our insecurity that rejection attaches itself onto but the painful part is the rejection we would be unlikely to be insecure about that thing in the first place if we didn't have rejection to attach it to so I wanted to talk today about how you could overcome that fear of rejection and continue putting yourself out there to find love because the greatest tragedy is when we quit when we throw in the towel and we say I just can't do this anymore then we deprive ourselves of the beautiful relationship that we could have we also by the way deprive someone else out there who's right for us of the beautiful relationship that they could have with us if we had just kept going now before I go any further I'd love for you to like this video subscribe to this channel if you haven't already and hit the notification Bell so that the next time I release a video you get notified first now while we're on that subject let's talk about a comparison that's really relevant to you and your love life every time I make a video there are people who will see the thumbnail for that video in their recommended feed and they won't click on it maybe they don't like the title maybe they see my face and don't like my face maybe they just think this guy's not for me maybe they think that any form of dating advice or help with their confidence isn't for them but they don't click there are other people who click on it and within the first 10 seconds go now or they get distracted by something else and they never come back some people watch to the end of the video and say I didn't like it there are other people who get to the end of the video and think that was cool I'm not going to watch any more but that was pretty good and then there are all sorts of other people that continue the journey with me some of them hit like on the video some of them subscribe to the videos some people become part of my love life Club to be coached By Me on a more intimate level other people decide you know what Matt I'd really love to come and spend six days with you in Florida on your retreat those are the people that really value me and what I have to say most people don't get that far and that's okay when I make a video I'm not trying to make it for everybody I hope that whoever engages with engages with it and watches it gets something out of it I hope I leave people better than I found them but I also know I'm not going to be for a lot of people maybe even for most people but that doesn't matter the goal isn't to attract most people the goal isn't to attract everybody the goal is to attract the right person our love life is no different I want you to get out of the mindset of wanting people to be attracted to you and get into the mindset of wanting to find the person who is right for you and by definition because you are rare and unique and special and nuanced the person who's right for you is going to be rare and special and unique and nuanced and it's gonna work because the two of you value each other's unique way of thinking unique approach to life the way that you enjoy life or go through life your energy you're not supposed to be for everyone if you're for most people you're doing something wrong you're chameleonizing yourself to whoever comes along adjusting to suit the needs of the person in front of you people pleasing being an inauthentic version of you if you're doing things right A lot of people and I mean a lot of people won't want you and that's kind of a liberating thought Trent Shelton shout out to Trent a coach I I heard him recently use this example that when it comes to success and selling people on your vision your vision is seen through lenses that you wear it's a prescription that's yours so sometimes when someone else in life be it for a business idea or somewhere we want to go in life when they try on our glasses to see our vision they'll struggle to see it because they'll be like I don't I don't I can't see clearly and his point is they're not supposed to be able to see that clearly it's your vision those are your glasses that's your lens that's what makes it yours I kind of think that the same is true in dating that most people aren't going to be able to see all of the things that are really special about you but someone will come along who will see your specific way of being operating viewing life and going through the world and think that's for me most people won't which is why by the way I almost feel like we think that the more people get to know us the more they should like us but in some ways the more people get to know us the more they should get to a point of going I don't know if this person is for me in a relationship because we're revealing more and more and more about ourselves and we're looking for that person who fits with that and vice versa so I actually think that we're looking for a very specific kind of human being in this world that wants to go through life with us why do we expect that to be easy that shouldn't be easy I once had a person that I worked with who at the end of a tough breakup where I felt a sense of disappointment that this person wasn't for me I remember him saying to me at the end of this relationship Matt I don't think it gets to be that easy for you he said you're a specific kind of person I don't think it gets to be easy for you and there was something liberating about that thought you know what if I was truly gonna find my soulmate and I don't believe in the one but I do kind of believe in this idea of soulmate someone who you just like on the deepest level it feels right with them I don't think that finding that person should necessarily be easy and I kind of want to get you off the hook of thinking that that should be easy I want to give you permission to go and get rejected and that rejection is going to be worth it because if you get rejected 50 times and the 51st person is that person you're going to be so glad that you got rejected 50 times and more than that you almost certainly needed to go and get rejected those 50 times in order to meet that person because if you go through your dating life hoping to be this assassin you have a sniper rifle you have one bullet in that gun and your job is just as the find the right person and fire your odds are tiny in order to get to that 51st person you actually have to go through a bunch of things that are wrong you have to go through a bunch of rejections and think about it to find my people on YouTube I have hundreds of thousands of people bouncing off of my videos and deciding it's not for them so in our dating life when most of us have a handful of relationships in our lifetime or maybe go on a handful of dates in a year why do we think that we're going to get so lucky that it's going to happen in one of those handful for some people it does but for a lot of people it doesn't and that's not because they're awful and it's not because they're invisible and it's not because no one wants them it's because they're giving far too much weight to the rejections in their life and they're allowing the rejections to make them go into their cave and just check out of the game altogether you can't do that because what is coming for you is too special now what I believe is that this isn't just a numbers game we actually have a high degree of influence we can't control everything about when we meet the right person and when it's going to happen but we have a high degree of influence if we really believe in our vision you know what Trent says about someone putting on your glasses may not be able to see your vision that's true but if we really believe in our vision and we're excited about it and in dating it's your vision for your own value your vision for where your life is going your vision your lens for how great life is and how happy you are the more you connect to that and the more you believe in it really believe in it the more you're able to transfer that energy to somebody else it's like me right now if I really if I connect deeply to what I'm saying why is it that I have not my videos aren't for everyone but why is it I have a big audience I believe it's because I really really really care about what it is I have I really believe it's valuable and I'm really connected to it and I believe that when people like yourself watch these videos you can feel that and that's why you stay and that's why people join me on bigger Journeys and that's something that I've had to work on in my life because I wasn't always this sure of myself I wasn't always this confident I didn't always believe in my vision to this extent and I know that if you're getting rejected so frequently you can get to a point where you feel like no one can even understand how hard this is for me to keep putting myself out there and when we feel that what happens is we feel unattractive we feel worthless and so we start to treat ourselves like that we don't go to the gym or we don't take care of ourselves anymore because we think what's the point we don't do the things that that love ourselves that keep us feeling good and then we start to become a worse version of ourselves because we're not loving ourselves and we're not taking care of ourselves and that feeds back into dating again and it becomes this spiral and that's how people get a long way from feeling like their best selves anymore they get so detached from their own value and their own confidence that it can be hard to find a way back and the shame about that and I say this with 15 years of doing this with people and not one kind of person not one demographic not one age group and seeing the results that happen for people if they can just stay in the game and if they can just bring the right energy to it in spite of all of that pain and I know for some people that takes a whole different level of resilience than it does for other people I know that but when you do stay in the game magical things do happen you can find a relationship that is better than any relationship you've ever had in the past you can find someone who actually is right for you and you don't need everyone to be right for you you don't you don't even need 99.9 of people to be right for you you just need one the saddest part is that if we ever come across that one and our energy isn't in the place where they can see our light where they can see how great we are we can lose out on the person that's right for us so here's my invitation to you I want you to in the face of all rejection in the face of all pain to still say to yourself I'm gonna invest in making myself the most confident happy version of me and I'm going to accept that I'm gonna be wrong for a lot of people I'm going to accept that there's more rejection on the horizon for me I'm going to accept that I'm still gonna have to go through some challenging situations but I'm also going to keep in my mind the entire time that if I get my happiness to the right place and if I get my confidence to the right place then I'm gonna be able to move through all of that and part it to the side so that I can meet my person the person that's going to make it all worthwhile now this October I'm spending six days with an exclusive group of people that I'm going to be doing this with I'm going to be working with them on transforming their Confidence from the inside out so that they have a completely different relationship with themselves so that they fundamentally see themselves differently than they ever have before so that they can bring a powerful energy to their love lives and so that they can finally attract the relationship they've always wanted to attract and if you'd like to be a part of that this moment right now is my invitation to you to apply you can go to mhretreat.com you'll find all of the information there I hope you go and look into it it's my favorite thing in the world that I do and I know that if you do this it will be one of the greatest decisions you ever make in your life and you will never stop thanking yourself for it so I'll see you over there mhretreat.com is the link thank you for watching this and thank you for being brave enough to not give up

Channel: Matthew Hussey

Views: 125,084

Keywords: Matthew Hussey, Matt Hussey, Get The Guy, How to Get the Guy, Dating Advice for Women, attract men, keep your man, dating coach, relationship coach, relationship tips, what men want, make him like you, make him love you, how to talk to men, how to attract men, meet men, get the guy, tips for women, flirting tips, texting, calling, love advice, relationships, matt hussey, matthew hussy, mathew hussey, how to flirt

Id: BRNRis1Deis

Length: 14min 35sec (875 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 18 2023