[Quiet laughter] SŌMA: All right. It's ready. Hey, you! Wanna try my new dish? YAEKO: What's in it? SŌMA: I have no clue... Just eat it. YAEKO: No! SŌMA: Eat it. YAEKO: No! I! Won't! SŌMA: Eat it. YAEKO: Fine! Ahhh, om-- Ah, ah, ah, AHHH--! JŌICHIRŌ: Boy! Did you just food poison our customer?! SŌMA: Well, uh, nah, u-u-- Yeah. Yeah, I did. But come on! I'm just experimenting, pops! JŌICHIRŌ: Boy! You know you don't go
experimentin' until you're in college! Ah, some of the best fucking years of my life. SŌMA: Come on, pops!
I just want to cook the way I wanna! JŌICHIRŌ: Boy, you don't get the right
to have a choice in my kitchen! You hear me, boy? SŌMA: 'I'm gonna fucking burn this place to the ground.' JŌICHIRŌ: Congratulations, boy! [Sirens]
*You just burnt down the fuckin' family restaurant*! SŌMA: No problem, Dad! JŌICHIRŌ: He-he-he-he-he-heh... You think I'm kiddin' around here, boy?! SŌMA: Well, yeah. JŌICHIRŌ: Oh, do you now... ...*boy*? SŌMA: Uhh, uhhhhh, uhhhhhh...! JŌICHIRŌ: You really think I was kiddin' around? Now you're going to fucking COOKING SCHOOL, boy! How do you like them apples?! SŌMA: But Dad, I'm only sixteen!
How am I gonna live on my own? JŌICHIRŌ: You go figure that out yourself, boy. [Click, dial tone] ERINA: All right, you little faggots. I, the great Erina Nakiri, daughter of the great Dean of this
glorious school, Tōtsuki Culinary Academy, will be testing you all toda--! [Sneeze] SŌMA: Ugh. Sorry. I sneezed. ERINA: Oh. Um... Are you the only one here? SŌMA: Yeah; you kinda freaked out those
other kids with that speech you made earlier. ERINA: You see this egg? Now imagine that this egg is your nuts. And now... imagine me squeezing the SHIT OUT OF YOUR NUTS! [Erina laughs haughtily as the others yell] I see... Well, you fail; off you go. SŌMA: Oh, great. ERINA: Mmm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm... Wait, you're not going to beg for a second chance? SŌMA: Pfft. Nah, it's all good. I'm just gonna go to nursing school
or some shit like that. You know, that-- that'd probably make a good series. ERINA: All right; fine. I guess I'll let you cook for the great Erina... SŌMA: N-no, it's-- it's fine. I-I'm just gonna g-- ERINA: Cook! *Noooow*. SŌMA: Uh, are you-- are you fucking serious? Uh-- uh-- Okay, okay; just, just gimme a sec. I-I can't believe this is fucking happening. There you go. ERINA: What, mmm... What is this? SŌMA: Cereal. Go nuts. ERINA: Ummm... I've never tasted this... "cereal" you speak of. I've acquired a legendary taste of high caliber that has eaten countless of meals
from only the greatest of chefs, and--! SŌMA: Don't care; just eat. [Audio feedback] [Audio feedback]
STUDENT: Is, is he gonna say anything? SENZAEMON: Only 1% of you will survive this school... ...while the rest of you will be their
ingredients to create the perfect meal. [Whimpers] Thhh, ha-ha-ha, I'm just kidding. STUDENT: Oh-ho, thank God! SENZAEMON: None of you will make it out of here alive. STUDENT: Oh come on, now! SENZAEMON: As the Dean... I am here to congratulate all of you who have made
it through our school's rigorous testing system, that has been implemented to
crop out only best of the best, wannabe cooks who've got
the stuff to make it to the top. And here today, is the one student who
placed on top out of all your sorry asses. [Audio feedback, Sōma clears throat] SŌMA: I made cereal. SOUFFLÉ BOY: But I made a soufflé! SŌMA: So, I was thinking to myself during the test, "What would make a good, quick morning meal?" Then I thought, "Hey! What about cereal?" "But wait! That's just cornflakes!" But then, the great me thought to meself... "What if I add... sugar?" ERINA: Oh, my God! ITS THRILLING~! SŌMA: Never had frosted fla-- AHHH!
