MEGUMI: Uuuu... 'I need to find a way to pass my next class,
or else I'm going to get kicked out of school...' 'But I must not give up hope! I have so
many people at home rooting for me!' MEGUMI'S MOM: Get outta here, you useless cunt! MEGUMI: 'And I also have my master...' 'Cooking Mama.' COOKING MAMA: Don't worry.
There always next time. MEGUMI: 'You're right, Mama. I can't just give up!' 'I got one more class that I have to
pass in order to stay in the school!' 'Come on, world! Dish me your worst!' SŌMA: (Blowing a raspberry) Oh, hey. I'm failing too. MEGUMI: 'OH-HAAAA!' 'I'm so going to fail!' SŌMA: We have to COOK! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
I've been waiting all semester to say that. MEGUMI: 'Uuu-huu...!' 'NO, WAIT!' 'Don't give up hope, Megumi. You're still a first-year!' Yeah! The teacher wouldn't raise
the bar so high for a newcomer... CHEF BOYARDEE: Good morning, class. I'll be your teacher today. Ze kids call me... eh-hem... It is a very long nickname. MEGUMI: 'Why, world...? Why?' 'A rumor has it that he has never smiled ever since' 'his beloved engaged kitchen life died
in a car accident many years ago...' 'They say there hasn't been a single
dish that's made him smile since,' 'and if he ever does smile,' 'they say that he blew up in joy, like a goat full of C4.' CHEF BOYARDEE: Let ze cooking... ...*commence*! SŌMA: Okay... Now what would pops do in a situation like this? [Flashback thoughts]
JŌICHIRŌ: Boy, all the families love
a shitload of salt on their food! *Didn't I raise you better*?! (Beats Sōma repeatedly with a ladle whilst yelling) (Beats Sōma repeatedly with a ladle whilst yelling)
SŌMA: Dad, not the ladle! (Beats Sōma repeatedly with a ladle whilst yelling) [Present] MEGUMI: Why did you add that much salt??
*You ruined the dish*! SŌMA: Papa knows best. [Jōichirō's voice] 'You're damn right, boy!' MEGUMI: Oh what are you talking about?? Why was I ever paired with an insane person like you? Now I'm going to fail and Mother
won't love me anymore...! Oh no... Everything is turning black, and I can't breathe...! Uu-hu, what's going on?! SŌMA: Let's send this baby out! MEGUMI: NOOOOO! SŌMA: Alright, Chef Boyardee.
It's time to try out our dish! CHEF BOYARDEE: Excuse mehh. It is not, "Chef Boi-yar-dee"... It is "Chef... Boiiiii-yar-dh". SŌMA: Well, *shiiiiit*! I didn't know this was also English class! So, are you gonna eat our goddamn food or not?! CHEF BOYARDEE: Okie-doke... If I don't like zis dish, then I will have
ze both of you kicked out of zis school. MEGUMI: WHAT?! But I didn't say a single thing! CHEF BOYARDEE: *Silence*! It's time to try your pitiful dish. MEGUMI: (Gasp) SŌMA: ...W-w-what is this? W-what am I--
What am I witnessing here? A-are you gonna try it or not? CHEF BOYARDEE: I am; right now. SŌMA: No, you're not. CHEF BOYARDEE: I'm tasting ze...
*essence*... of ze dish. SŌMA: What type of mystical shit
have you been smoking today?! CHEF BOYARDEE: Le shut ze fuck up. It is now time for ze final test. [Random deep voice] Chew. Orh-hor-hor-hor-haugh! Beth! I'm coming to a heaven for YOUUU--! COOKING MAMA: You did it! STUDENT: Holy shit! SŌMA: Alright! Mission complete! MEGUMI: I feel like I should be afraid
of being around you right now... ...but we all passed, so I'm just going to
forget everything that happened here today. SŌMA: Well, before you go... can you try out one of my
concoctions I've been working on? MEGUMI: Ah, well, sure. What is i--? SŌMA: Right here! I-it's a little squid recipe I've been working on. Enjoy! MEGUMI: NOOOOOOOOOoooo...! NOOOOOO! [Rubber duck squeaking] Haaa... What a chaotic day... Well... even though I had to deal with that crazy guy, at least I can still stay and strive to
be a great chef. Right, Mr. Quackers? [Squeak] Tell me your secrets, duck one. Ahhhh... And the best part of all is... I'll never have to be around that Sōma guy ever again. SŌMA: [muffled] Yeah! It's time to scrub the ol' crotch one-two! It's been a good few weeks since
the last time I cleaned these bab-- ehhh, ehh... ...eh? MEGUMI: (Whimpering) [Repeated squeaking]
NOOOOOOOOOOO! This is Hell... I can't think of any other place I could be right now that'd keep messing with my sanity... SŌMA: Are you gassy too? You know, I get gassy when I eat burritos. Wait, did you eat a burrito?
Man, I want a burrito now. MEGUMI: Oh, wait a minute!
How are you in this dorm? You would have had to beat the Dorm Master's
challenge before being accepted as a tenant here. SŌMA: Oh, I did. I... completed it... (Audibly shudders) [Flashback]
All right! I'm ready for your test! Tell me what I need to cook and I'll cook it! GRANNY: Oh, I'm only interested
in what you're cooking... down there... ...if you know what I mean. SŌMA: (Faint whimpering) GRANNY: Come to me, daddy! GRANNY: Come to me, daddy!
SŌMA: GRANDMA, NOO!! (Faint whimpering) Uhhh... Hello...? ISSHIKI: Oh, did I wake you up? Oh, poor baby! Poor little baby... SŌMA: You gonna, uhh... You gonna leave? Errrrr... ISSHIKI: (Gasp) Of course! SŌMA: Wha? ISSHIKI: I'm seven! SŌMA: Please don't kill me. ISSHIKI: All of it. It's all mine. Sōma... Wanna party? [Present]
SŌMA: And now I'm here. MEGUMI: Whyy? RYŌKO: Hey, you wanna do underage drinking? SŌMA: Alright! More irresponsible
things to help my father hate me! RYŌKO: It sounds like... you're... thinking a lot... This... ough...ta... fix... you... up... SŌMA: Ah tha--! RYŌKO: *Real*... ...fffffast. SŌMA: (Sniffing) Ew! What is this; bull semen?? RYŌKO: That's a... very specific... aaand... aaaccurate... yyy... Yes. MARUI: Alright; since you're new here,
let me explain the Elite Ten Council... They are the most skilled students of our school-- SŌMA: Yeah yeah! No need for that exposition crap! MARUI: Uh, okay. Let's just have everyone not
understand what the fuck they're watching, then! SŌMA: Exactly! Side note - guys, quick question: What do you all do here? YŪKI: I train animals to be my friends! And then I murder their mothers and make
a dish out of them to feed to their children, and then once I get them babies fat [...] RYŌKO: I collect bull semen. Oh, and I ferment shit and whatever. ISSHIKI: I go streaking! Nudity! Being naked! Rock out with my cock out! Et cetera! IBUSAKI: I do this. And... other stuff. [Chainsaw noises; screaming; evil laughter] SATŌ: I fight this guy!
AOKI: I fight this guy! MARUI: Guys! We cook food here! Take your yaoi bullshit out of my room! SATŌ: I'll stop when he stops!
AOKI: I'll stop when he stops! YŪKI: This isn't going to get anywhere unless you take off your shirts and *do stuff*! ISSHIKI: No friendship is complete without nudity! SATŌ: Bro! Why can't I stop watching
his ass shake back and forth?! AOKI: Bro! It's like it's telling us
all the secrets of the world! SATŌ: Bro! I think I've been converted into an ass lover! AOKI: ...Meee too, bro! [Satō and Aoki laugh] [Pandemonium ensues] [Pandemonium ensues (through speakers)] GRANNY: I guess some things never change... All those kids sound away more
naked than I thought they'd be. ISSHIKI: NUDITY FOR LIIIFE! SŌMA: Hot damn, this food is really good! How do you make this food so great naked, man?! ISSHIKI: Like I told you before... I'm the 7th Seat of the Elite Council of Doom. I think you know what that means... SŌMA: I don't! I skipped all the exposition! ISSHIKI: Uh... Want a knife fight? Oh... no... Uuhg-- (Collapses) SŌMA: One down... nine to go. ERINA: 'IS SOMEONE FUCKING
KNIFE-FIGHTING RIGHT NOW?' COFFINJOCKEY: If you're interested
in more content, then why don't you mosey on down to
these channels on the screen? Bet you can't subscribe to all of them... Also, if you want to see what's cooking under this apron, please look at TheSchmuckSquad
Patreon to become a patreon today. Whatever the kids do these days... Byeee!
