Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier! And welcome back to Five Nights At Freddy's: Help Wanted. Oh! *laughing goofily* How ya doing over there? Oh...Yeah yeah,
[mockingly] hUh HuH Huh hUh HuH Huh HUH So this time... I have earbuds! And that's gonna help me because I don't have to wear the big bulky headphones that I had before but it won't help you becau... *Music goes out* Wh- Uh- Wha- Why'd it get quiet? Did I break something? Oh yeah what I was sayin'...They're earbuds. Ya know They.. they.. They don't help me sound any better I still sound like a bag of ass, But... Ya know..they'll help me hear better So I'll know when Freddy's crawling up my butthole so... Th- That's good, I guess Imma go to Five Nights at Freddy's 2 Because... I just wanna see toy Chica there- Here we go, going right into it Umm...No time to waste this time. Gra- "Grab and release with trigger." "Survive until 6:00 AM" Yeah! Seems easy peasy, alright lets go for it Hey! Wait, Ah! H-Hang on a second... Shit, Oh, goddammit, Goddammit, GOD DAMMIT Oh no, no thank you. Goddammit I have to do this again, okay set floor level... Alright, aaaand that's the floor. It's still too high, god fuckin' damnit! *yelling* Okay. Hey, buddy! You know what, you can just come kill me! You guys didn't see anything that happened. It was a nightmare. I can't explain how much of a nightmare because it would take too long! I'm going to play this game and I'M gonna get my BUTT scared off of me, and that's all there is to it. Okay, here we go. Thank you. Boink! Uhh, boink. Five Nights at Frioaaoaoy's 2. Boink. Boinkious! I'm so ready. I'm ready for Freddy. (phone rings) Hello? (phone rings again) Oh. (phone rings once more) Oh! (sound of the phone being picked up) Phone Guy: Uh, hello? Ohhh. Phone Guy: Hello hello? Uh.. Oh hohohoho Phone Guy: Hello and welcome to your new summer job at the new and improved Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. Mark: *repeated utterances of amazement*
Phone Guy: Uh...I'm here to talk to you about some of the things you can expect to see during your first week here Mark: Oo! Doot doot doo!
Phone Guy: to help you get started out with your new and exciting career path. Phone Guy: to help you get started out with your new and exciting career path. Mark: Uh huh.
Phone Guy: Now, I want you to forget anything you may have heard about the old location. Phone Guy: Now, I want you to forget anything you may have heard about the old location. Phone Guy: You know... Uh.. Some people still have a somewhat Phone Guy: "negative impression" Phone Guy: of the company... Phone Guy: Uhhh... Phone Guy: That old restaurant was... kind of left to rot for quite a while, but... Phone Guy: I-I want to reassure you Phone Guy: Fazbear Entertainment is committed to family fun and above all... Phone guy: Faith. Phone Guy: Uhh.. Phone Guy: We switched him over to the dayshift. (noise plays in background)
Phone Guy- So, hey! Lucky you right? Mark: Hello? Hello?
Phone Guy: Mainly, he expressed concern that- (noise intensifies slightly)
Mark: *panicking* Hello? Hello?!
Phone Guy: -certain characters seem to move around- Mark: *continuing to panic* HELLO?!!
Phone Guy: -at night. Phone Guy: And even attempted to get into his office. Phone Guy: Now, Phone Guy: from what we know, that should be impossible; Phone Guy: but that restaurant should be the safest place on Earth. Phone Guy: There's a music box over by the prize counter, Mark: OOO
Phone Guy: And it's rigged to be wound up remotely. Phone Guy: So just every once in a while, Mark: Ooh, ooh! Oh!
Phone Guy: Switch over to the prize counter video feed, Mark: Ooh!
Phone Guy: Wind it up for a few seconds. Mark: Hey!
Phone Guy: It doesn't seem to affect all the animatronics, Phone Guy: It doesn't seem to affect all the animatronics, Phone Guy: But it does affect- Mark: Hey wait!
Phone Guy: ....... Phone Guy: One of them.. *coughs* Mark: Wait! Wait a minute! Mark: Wait! Wait a minute!
Phone Guy: Uh- Phone Guy: And as for the rest of them, Mark: Wait!
Phone Guy: And as for the rest of them, Phone Guy: And as for the rest of them, Phone Guy: We have an even easier solution! Phone Guy: You see, there may be a minor.. Phone Guy: "glitch" in the system, Phone Guy: Something about the robots Mark: Ooh, ooh! Ooh!
Phone Guy: seeing you as an endoskeleton without its Mark: Ooh...
Phone Guy: costume on.. and, Phone Guy: wanting to Mark: *continues to make various monkey sounds*
Phone Guy: stuff you into a suit, Phone Guy: So hey, Phone Guy: We've given you Phone Guy: an empty Freddy Fazbear head! Phone Guy: Problem solved! Mark: Oh! Phone Guy: Well, I think that's it. Mark: Oh!
Phone Guy: Uh, you should be golden. Phone Guy: Uh, you should be golden. Phone Guy: Uh, check the lights, Phone Guy: put on the Freddy head if you need to, Phone Guy: uh, keep the music box wound up, Mark: Oh!!
Phone Guy: uh, keep the music box wound up, Mark: Ho- HOOOH-
Phone Guy: uh, keep the music box wound up, Mark: Ho- HOOOH-
Phone Guy: piece of cake. Mark: HAAaaooohh!
Phone Guy: Have a good night, and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Phone Guy: Have a good night, and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Mark- Waitaminute, waitaminute, Mark- Waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute, Mark- Waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute,
waitaminute, waitaminute, Mark- Waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute,
waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute, Mark- Waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute,
waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute,
waitminute- Mark- Waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute,
waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute,
waitaminute- Wait. Mark: Hold on! Mark: Wait! Mark: Wait! Wait! Mark: Wait! Wait! Wait! Mark: I have many questions! Um! Mark: Wait I-- Mark: It's been a while since I remembered how to play this one! Mark: It's been a while since I remembered how to play this one! Um- Mark: Uh, ff-- frick! Mark- Oh, frick, oh-- I need to do that! Mark- Oh, that's a lot of winding that I need to do. Mark- Eh, Mark- *moose noises* Mark- OK there-we-go, I hear noises... Mark- IN THE DORKNESS! Mark- And I don't like-
Mark- *briefly sees animatronic* Wait. Mark- What are you? NoThINg... okay That's fine, WhaT aRe yoU!? Mark- hUh, what are you? I don't lik- *GASP* WAIOHEYOHEYO WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT WAIT OH, OH NO NO N- OH NO oh no Oh no, wait wait wait, Ooh Shit! oh shit oh shit UuuM, HOO Hey uh- hI are ya down there? Hi, OH SHIT Oh OH shit.. (3x) Oh shit Oh oh shit I se- OH Wait- SHIT UUuumM SHIT Uh uH you, you can- multitask? I can't multitask can I? *monkey noises* Eee- AAAUUOOHAAH! PUT IT ON MYY HEAD PUT IT ON, GET IT ON MAH FACEE! OOooohhH *sigh* Oookay, that's DowN I- AUOAK DOGAUOWAK! OOU WAAAHH! *gibberish* Okay put it down YOU! Wiiind~ Look wind I can multitask Cuz I'm real smart About everything I do OkAy HooOoooOOOlyyyY FRICKING SHit *exasperated sigh* Okay they're back at the base And it's almost time to ge- relax OOOoohhhHH mAhh GooOOddDD I don't like not- HaViinG Doors! I dOn'T LiKe nOT HAVIng DOORs I didn't like it before I wanna- I wanna be very specific I didn't like not having doors when I first played this game I- I DEFINITELY DON'T- DON'T LIKE NOT HAVING DOORS R-right about now! PleAsE ooh WHY DO I GOTTA BE SO TOOCHY ON YOU! Oh there's like no feedback on when the light actually hits or not okAy AlriGhT Are you guys in- *GASP* WHERE ARE THEY?!?! OUU OOH DOUU OOH DA FUCKY FUCK! OOHhhh okAy WhErE WhO?! AAAAIII- oH God! *Deep Breathing* *game cheering* Okay That was the first night... I didn't find a coin So I don't even know if there was a coin to have there (Markiplier blabbing to himself)
I was a bit preoccupied with stuff and things Aha aha AoooH Kids: Yaayyyy!
Markiplier: OHHH! It's beautiful, can I eat it? *disgusting noises* What do I do with it? Can you come back here? Wha Uh Oh. Hi Hello *Continuous punching noises* *More punching* *Even more punching* *Mark continues to punch Foxy* Boof! Buh! Right on your snoot! Boink! *Crotch punching* *Butt punching* *Head punch* A boomp right in the back of the nog Boink Oh guess who's only got NO eyes? bOInk! I'll take this with me. I think Nope! Nevermind, okay I didn't even- oh hi. You're still there. Well, that doesn't matter. Okay um Shit hUh ok yeah yeah I know ok... Let me just make sure everything's good For some reason, let's keep going, I like. I LiKE x5 I LiKe this This is- no! Wait, no, hang on Ohh No, no, no, go back! How do I go back? I didn't want it to- no this is wrong, there's no way to go back... You can't go back... Not now! I have to die! Okay... fuck Okay Ohhh... stop Wait who's there? Is there someone there? Hello? Hi..... Peek-a-boo! *variety of coaxing and kiss sounds* aH-AH- AhhA oH mY GoD! Oh mY FuCking... God *Menacing Freddy laughter* Ok, well, I got- *laughing starts* Shut, just shut, just shut your tRaP I'm just gonna move on... You shut up, everything's fine I just gotta do... what I gotta do... to survive. And that's not a lot, but I'm gonna do it, you hear me? Where's a coin? I know there's gotta be like a coin here somewhere... What are you? What's going on with you?... Phone Guy: Uh, hello! Hello...
Mark: WHAT? Phone Guy: See, I told you your first night wouldn't be a problem! You're a natural! Mark: Yeah x7, okay, I get it! Oh, shut up! Jesus, okay, alright, we're on our own now! OhHhh, that's a lot of noise happening, right now Why is a lot of noise happening right now? I don't know why a lot of noise is happening right now I don't know why any noise is happening right now SHUT UP SCOTT!! SHUT UP! Oh my god! Oh, who, wait, Why? x11 Ok, uh, goodnight! Goodnight, uh, sweetums, I love you! OoHh, UhH x11 Balloon Boy: Hello?
Mark: Oh hI, nO, whO, Uh, whO ArE yOU?!! HI! Woah! I-what the fuck is that about?! Um, alright, that's nOrMal, tha- that was normal That was a whole lot of normal Um, normal x3, everything here is normal Normal? Normal. No- Nor- Normal, this normal? That's normal. This normal? This is definitely normal! Normal? Normal, uhh, normal *Sharp inhale* uh, oh, oh, fuck! Ooh, what, normal! That was just a normal noise that happened! Balloon Boy: Hi Mark: aAAhH oH mY gOd! Balloon Boy: Hello?
Mark: Hi... Okay....... Hello? So normal! That was the most normal thing I've ever heard of... *Mark winds the music box* Hello? *Mark screams* Fuck you, I swear to God I love you Swear.. on me mum Oh my god! *Balloon Boy laughs* Who? Why? Where? Hi, ooh hello Who? What was that? *Metal clanking indicating an animatronic has moved* O-o-o-oooohhhh I'm jigglin' the wiggler! *Mark groaning* Oh, uh, a, wha-- Hello- hi- how are you-! Am I supposed to--- AM I SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!? THAT SEEMS HIGHLY IRREGULAR! Hello? Ok, you know what I'm just gonna do this. Heeeeeyy, big bubba! Or not. Wait what? *Takes off mask* Am I---? It's not--- What do I--? Wait, what do I do? What do I do well what do I do about this? Wha--what am I supposed to do? (unintelligible) Wha-- what do I do? *Confused* What, what, what, what? Uh Uh oh UH Hi? Hullo? How are you? Can I help you? What do I do? Wait wha- what- wha- Fuck it! What do I do- do I put that on? Do I take it off? Wait-- what do I-- I don't REMEMBER WHAT I DID ABOUT YOU!! Oh- ohhhhhh I'm JIGGLING THE WIGGLER! Ho- uh uh what uh HELLO! HI! Hoooooooo OK. Hi! Hello! I don't remember what I do about you. Ohhhhh that's good That's good right there. Okay buddy! AUggh! Oauuaauuuuuuuuu! OK! Goodbye! Hey, welcome to the party! Hey how ya doin'? Good to have you here! Thanks so much for being here! Love ya bigly! Can ya please go away? Mark: Uh,, hello? Balloon Boy: Hello? Mark: Hi! Ohhh hi!! Goodbye!! Goodbye!! Run off, ya little sheeiit! Oh my GOOOOODDD!!! What was that? Ohhhhhhhhh jiggle! *Clock starts chiming* Mark: *exasperated sigh* Okayyy, ok....
*kids cheering* Ok basically.... that was pretty good. Ok, game won! Getting my prize.... gimme my prize. *kids cheering again* Wow! I-- hate it. Oh my god I hate it-- *Mark punching the prize in the face*
Doink! Doink! I hate you. Uggghh. What's wrong with you? Oh my god! HUUUUGGGH! Ok, well I've got you, now. I guess that's good. Ok, I guess I'll just go in the night until I die. *under breath* Five Nights at Fre-...fuck If I just sack up I should be fine.
*Phone starts ringing* Should be absolutely fine. Oh, uh, OOOOOOH! Balloon Boy: Hello? Interesting! Oh, uh, where, where, what ,what, who did-- who did, I-- WHAT? Who, uh, AHH *unintelligible terrified yelling* Nono, oh wait! Who di- what, what happened? What happened to who? Something.. happened And I don't know what. *Metal clanking sounds* Wait WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH!!! Woah uh oh hi, it's not the problem that I need to worry about because this shi- Uh-- you? I'm not THAT worried about you? But I'm a little worried about you Because you kind of like are right there, in the way of everything, and that's OK, when you start moving, I'll be- I'll be ready! I'll be ready like Freddy! That's what you say! Ready Freddy? Be the READY MAN! Freddy the Ready Man! AAAAAAAAHHHHH! Freddy the Ready Man. Freddy Ready Boy. Freddy Ready! Ready Freddy! That's WHAT THEY CALL YOU!! That's who you aaarre! To me
*Balloon Boy laughs*
Woah! Uh, hi! Balloon Boy: Hello? oh my GOD! I swear to god I'm gonna killllllll nobody! I love peace and happiness! I have friends, and I love my friends, that I have. Who're alive! Like me! That's something that me and my friends have in common! We're all.. alive. So let's keep it that way, why don't we? Yeah! I think so. that's a good idea. Oh-- jeez, OHHH PDUDIST! You thought that I'd be slippin' but I be not! Do do do uh hey! Dododododo Dundundundooo-- dundundundooo Dundundundooo...doo Hey hey uhh, what-- the fuck do I do about you? What do I-- about- OOOOOOHH! I don't remember. Hold- hold... I think I just gotta hold it. Uh, that's not working. Ok, that's not working. Uh, I guess I just gotta eat this, I don't remember how to deal with it. Okay, um...well thi- Ohhh shit! Uh yea, that was it, you just gotta hold it enough! Balloon Boy: Hello? Mark: Oh, uh heyy! Hi! Who's there! Was someone there? Uhhhhhhhhhh! Okay I- I think it's fine. Who's there? Hiiiiiii. Heeeeeyy, that's one big guy! Um, how're these guys doin' in here? Balloon Boy: Hi. Mark: Hi, hello? No thank you! Balloon Boy: Hello? OK, bye. C'ya! Hi. Welcome to the party again! Table for 1?! Uh.. Mr. Fredbear? Uh, why don't you go back to playing that video game that you love so much? Don't even think about.. me? Not worth thinking about. Hey, listen buddy. The night's almost over and I'm about to win because I'm a badass and a hardass woven into one, I'm one bad hard ass. And you're just a big sack of flabby nothing So why don't you, just go, have a lovely day! Why don't you do that? That'd be nice. Hmm? That'd be real nice. Hey buddyyyyyyy! Look at yoooouuu! Did you lose weight-- eh? ohgodohgodOHGOD! GET IT ON MY FACE! What am I lookin at? What am I lookin at? I don't know what I'm lookin at! Someone was there, I dunno- Ooooohh! OooOoOh! OOOOOOOOOHHHH! OOOOOOOOOH! Someone was there- hi, heey! You wanna get flaashed? Good gracious, me! You look like you do! I don't know if this is helping! Something tells me it's-- OOOAUHAUUUHH!! HEEEEYY! OKAY! OOOUHHHH! GoOooOOod whatever that was! Goood, OHH AAAAHHHH AHAAAAAHHH! WHAT THE FUUUCCK!!!! WHAT THE FUUUCCKK?? What? The fuck?? Is THAATT?? THAT'S NOT-- What are yoouu?
*Balloon boy giggles* Oh! Oh! Hi! *Mark noises* *Clock chimes*
WHYYYY?! *Clock chimes* *Clock chimes*
*kids cheering* *Stunned Peaceful Silence* *Mark winds prize box* *kids cheering again* Oh good! I got mixed nuts. Allergy-friendly!
*Mark eats nuts* Alright! That's great. No coins! Just a big ol' Toy Chica head, righ- Narrator: We went to great lengths to create an authentic VR experience. Including using scanned photographs for reference, and using original performance routines where applicable. Mark: Oh, original performance routines? Like, you mean-- How they were originally programmed, is that what you're saying? That's-- that's great. Doink! Hey, I've only got 1 night left! Huh? Uh... why is it all red? I don't like that it's red, I don't like the red. Let's give it a try! See what happens. If I die, well... Ehh, nothing else is to be expected. Nothing else is ever expected out of me, so... death is preferable.
*phone rings* *Mark pressing phone buttons* Shut up. You know what? just shut, up. Just shut up! *Metal clanking sounds* That was quick. This is very quick. Yeah yeah yeah just shut up. Shut up x4 Shut up! OK, so Balloon-- euuuheuhguehguhh, no good! No Bueno! Balloon boy: Hi! Mark: Hi! hello, how ya doin? Goodbye! OK, hello goodbye. Hello, whaddaya doin' in there? WHY are you doin' in there, WHAAAT are you doin' in there? Who are you doin' in there? Oh heEeEeeEEyyy look WhO It IS It's Mr. FaZBeaR-- OUUOOOOOHH aNd BoNniE! GreEeAaaAT MyYy FaVoRiTe PeoPLe In the wooooOOOOoOrld Can you please just frickin' rewind behind ME Alright, everything's fine. It's like an orchestra! Dun-dun-dun-duuuun! You go to hellll! Dun-dun-dun-dun-oh-fuck-a-yoouu! Oh-fuck-a-you-oh-fuck-a-youu-oh-fuck-a-youuu! Flash, come on, flash! Damnit! Oh my god oh my god flash- Uh whO whErE whAt whY and hOw AIIIIIIEEMM ADDICTED! AEeEeYoU can't get me! Not today! uHUUHUHUH uHh gET tHe MuSiC OoOH ThAt's- THAT'S BAD! Woosh, I can't-- Hello, hii. OOUOOOHH Goodbye. Ok, am I clear?
*sound of mask removal* I AM NOT CLEAR!! *sound of mask being put on* I'm clear!! PUSH IT! Oh my god PUSH IT! PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT! OHH PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT NO DON'T-- KSSSHHH Bumm bum bum be dum poo poo OK Ah fuck.. Oh, fuck me... Oh, fuck me Balloon Boy: Hello? Mark: Hello, hi, are you there? Oh my god oohh my Goooddd! (oh my god x3) Oh my good gorshy God! I don't know why there's a delay on everyth- *Balloon boy laughs* Mark: AAAAHAAAHHAAHHAAAAH Balloon Boy: Hi Mark: oh flishy flashy ok.. flishy flash.. Splish splash I was takin' a bath I just drooled on my chin and I'm gonna fuggin' die. Ookay, ok, alright, I'm so sorry, I have not been... I have not been... Good to you guys with my... …Cool calm-headed nature. Been a little bit... ...Fraaazzzled and I don't know why. Doink, doink, doink Stay on top of that HeY, BuDDY! uHuuhUUHUH YoU sTiLL GoT tHaT.. rEseRVaTiON? rEaDy FoR mE? HUHuhuhUhUHuHuh! Nooo? wELL? oH Shi-- Oh shit! Who-- where-- wha-- I'm putting it on! (I don't know why and I don't know who x3) *Mark gets startled* *Mark babbling to himself* I don't-- I really-- I have no idea who, why or whow But.. OUOH,, AUH, UGGHH Hi! UHUHUH! Okay This just takes a steady hand. Steady hands, oh! Gimme hug gimme kiss gimme smooch *kiss noise* Ok, love you bye bye! Love you bye- Oh WOAH FUCKING---- ALRIGHT LOVE YOU BYE BYE!! (who's there x2) Nobody? Foxy? Noo, not todayyy. Not today, my friends. Alright, today's the day that I win. Today's the day that I win. Because I.. am THE KING 'ROUND HERE! AND NOBODY WILL TAKE MY CROWN!! NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW, AND NOT ON A TUESDAY! ESPECIALLY not then.. so COME ON TIME! WHEN I FINISH MY STUPID BITS, THAT I DO, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FINISH THE GODDAMN DAY Please? Pretty please, with sugar on top, Lumpy Lumpkins, I'll kiss you! I'll suck your balls. I'll do something, literally anything! NO, NOT YOOUUU! NOT YOUR BALLS!! *Clock chiming 6AM* *Clock chiming 6AM*
*The Sound of Children Cheering* OK, alright. I am not proud of everything that I said or declared in that moment, BUT, I AM proud that I beat it. And that's all that REALLY matters, in the long run. *The Sound of Children Cheering Again* I got lemon Chica *eats candy bar* *chomp* Beautiful! Mkay, I'm the greatest. *hiccups* Okay, I'm good. Ooo, plushie *music plays* Ahhh Ooooh Yay! Ohh boy! Are you there? Hey, you want this? *mumbles* I wonder if I can throw this at him Whoa - uh *throws plush at the beady eyed figure* Nope. You didn't like that did you? I'll come get you someday. OK, so that is umm... *blows air* that's all the FNA-- Uhh... Uhh... I--uhhh Um... Alright! So, umm, Hi! Hello! How are you? Uhh... OK! So, I guess that's all for this episode of Five Night's At Freddy's: Help Wanted. Uhh... I'mma get my ass out of here before they kill me. So, thank you everybody so much for watching. I'll upload more of this soon. Uhh, they seem to be surrounding me right now. Just leaving a voicemail for the next security guard. Who's gonna take my-- *Drops something* --my place. So, *clears throat* Um, So, THANK you, everybody, and uhh.. Yeah I don't know why they were looking at me like that. But anyway, thanks everybody so much for watching! And as always, I'll see you.. in the next video. Buh-bye! # Haunted by Shirk #
