Five (5) Tips To Begin Healing To Stay Together After Infidelity

good morning worlds as I mentioned in the last video today we're going to go over five things that you can do five steps to take as you begin the rebuilding or the healing process after an incident of infidelity or a or an affair if you didn't catch that video check up here or click this link right there and I will make sure that now that I've committed to the spot I have put the link to that video there or you can just look through my videos and you'll find it it's easy to find um let's get right on in first thing is you have to make sure that the affair or that situation there has ended and you have to be prepared to give access and verification to confirm that it has ended because it's not uncommon for people to say yeah I had an affair but it ended and then you're going to marriage counseling and then that you're leaving marriage counseling and going to that colored person's house or going into calling that person and stuff is still going on it's kind of like you're trying to close the wound but you're still stabbing at it in order to start the healing process you need to stop the hurt so first make sure that the extramarital affair or that extra outside relationship has ended and be willing to be prepared to give your spouse or your significant other access to know so that they know that it ended that means access to email access to social media accounts access to phone logs that way they know you're not communicating with this person and that person can feel comfortable knowing that you know you're telling the truth it's not a matter of trust me it's I'm not doing it anymore because they did trust you before and you did it so now the person may need a little bit more reassurance than just your work and people have gone as far as setting up a mutual fund for a pie where a private investigator goes in mixture and does the investigation and confirms yes that these two people are no longer in contact with each other if the person is at work then there are steps that you will you and your spouse will take to make sure that you know whatever that relationship at work is that you have to maintain is not interfering that you're setting limits you're setting boundaries to give your spouse that level of comfort that they need when you're at work second part is create and build create and build a plan to include what steps you're going to be taking to rebuild and heal your relationship those steps can include things such as seeing a therapist where or take what actions we're going to be taking how you are choosing whether it's going to be individually or as a group as a couple or with other couples with your church how you're going to be handling the hurt how you're going to be handling that process of rebuilding maybe you're going to buy a box set of things to do to repair a relationship maybe you're going to see a therapist maybe you're going to try it by yourself but you have to create a plan so that you both know okay these are the things that we're going to do and um three you have to be prepared to talk about it but make sure that you're not focusing on you're focusing on what you need to rebuild and not so much focusing on or getting caught up in the sexual details because it as the party who was cheated on or the you may want to ask questions there are things you'll want to know but you have to be very careful with that because there's such thing there is such a thing as too much information in that situation you don't want to ask questions that when you get the answer to it's going to hurt you more than it's going to help the process of rebuilding and of course as the person who stepped out of the relationship you have to also be cognizant of yes you want to be honest with yourself so you want to tell them the truth but you have to make sure that you're not because just because they're asking questions answering it or putting in formation in a way that is going to add to the hurt that you've already caused so it's important that both people are doing their part to make sure that the conversations that are being had are helpful to the rebuilding process and not going to be hurting it and no just there's no such thing as well it's a small lie you're already in the process of rebuilding because of big lies don't add more lines try to find ways to communicate honestly and effectively with without you know including deception 1 4 is going to be reorganizing your network you're going to need to cut and add resources in that when I say resources I always include people because there are some people maybe there are people who knew about the affair and supported it and as you're going through that rebuilding process the people that help support it or contribute into the affair those people need to be taken out of the equation because to want to make sure that you're the partner who was cheated on that person may not feel comfortable having those people in the mix of you trying to fix it so those people may need to be you know push the law out further outside the bounds of your Union or maybe your cut maybe you'll cut them off completely in some cases let's say your parents were not happy with your marriage or didn't like your wife or husband and they knew about the affair but they didn't say anything or they encouraged it or maybe they brought your ex back into your life and that's how the affair started so you may not be able to cut your parents out completely but there may be boundaries that you will need to set and there are new people that you may need to add for example a therapist all these conversations that are being had are very difficult and the therapist is a great person to have to help you guide that conversation we'll talk about that later there are also people friends that you may have that you have confided in before but because of maybe the the current state of their relationships or who they are their feeling towards your Union you may not be able to have those people help you but there are those people that maybe were not part of your Union but a good couple who's been married a long time a couple who's been a role model for you that you may want to reach out to so reorganize your network to make sure that you have people who will support your plan your decision your journey to rebuild and strengthen your Union and eliminate as much as possible the people who will be counterproductive to that plan and five is to set aside time to reintroduce yourself to each other and get to know interest each other again as you're going through that healing process it's important that you are taking time with each other it may be something as simple as maybe taking time to have dinner together it's taking time to go for a walk taking time to work out together they mean they may not be these elaborate dates that you had when things were great you may not be as excited about you know that whole dating process but it's important as your mitt as you're doing that work that you continue to bring that positive that you continue to bring that energy that get taking that time to get to know and reconnect with each other you may not it doesn't necessarily mean that you guys have to be sexually involved it doesn't mean that you have to be you have to push it and of course this whole thing is going to take time so you can want to be taking it slow hey maybe you go for a walk maybe you go go out to dinner and then maybe one day you'll go to a park maybe you'll go and do some thing romantic but take your time and do it do it at a pace that works for you don't push it there's no limit to you it's not one of those things you know we have to do it in three months or it's done you can take as long as you guys need to get comfortable enough with each other to move on to the next step and yes I did mention I would come back to it professional help is invaluable because the conversations that are being had are so charged and so emotionally involved it really helps to have that objective person to have a counselor who's trained and who knows how to help you guide that conversation who a person who can help you steer the conversation to keep it more on the helpful track and try to avoid those things that will be more harmful than hurt than beneficial and this is not to say that you're not going to have those difficult conversations because anytime you're dealing with infidelity conte difficult conversations and difficult discussions that difficult discoveries are a part of the a part of the package but having a therapists who provide you that guidance and that support can be um more help than you can even imagine I don't know how else to say it but having a professional work with you is very important so that's pretty much all we have for today um let's see go over them again one ensure that the affair is over and we were ready to give access to make sure to come to confirm that such as access to email social media access to phone logs and things of that nature create a building plan so that you know what it is that you guys are going to be doing to rebuild your relationship and how you're going to go about it talk about the affair discuss what happened but don't go deep into the deeds of those sexual details and stuff that are going to be that are going to hurt you more than they're going to help focus on the importance on the important things the things that are necessary to help you get through or get moved forward from that point so much of the details of the where didn't and what you know things like that for reorganize your network make sure that you're keeping people around you who are going to be supportive and contributing to your goal of healing and rebuilding your relationship and eliminate or at least push aside the people who are going to be counterproductive counterproductive people who are going to be more of a disturbance or against or who don't support what it you are decision to work through work through that stage of your marriage to rebuild so those people need to go and finally set aside time to get to know reintroduce yourself get to know each other and rebuild the trust that has been damaged make sure that you are checking in with each other and just staying in touch of course I didn't add it as a step but having a professional help you through that journey is very very important right so that's all we have for today we'll keep talking about this a little bit more in future videos but for now good morning where else have a great day

Channel: DrJudiC

Views: 48,321

Rating: 4.8764229 out of 5

Keywords: cheating, infidelity, adultery, affair, trust, rebuild trust, cheat, marriage, relationship, infidelity in marriage, cheated on, stay together, divorce, healing after infidelity, marriage boot camp, why people cheat, after Infidelity, therapist, what to do after cheating, break up, affair recovery, relationship advice, marriage advice, marriage after infidelity, after cheating, staying together after cheating, what to do, survive, how to move on after infidelity, trust after cheating

Id: H-fRT7Ix1Mk

Length: 12min 2sec (722 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 22 2015