Family Guy Season 12 Episode 13 - Family Guy Full UnCut #1080p

[Music] all right who's ready for a little tailgating hey brian toss me a cold one ah nothing better than a 7am beer in an unbrushed mouth peter i don't want you drinking too much you're driving us all home lois i know how many beers i can drink and still be able to drive i figured it out seven six hey cleveland what are you doing back in town just back up here for my monthly haircut when a black man finds a barber it's for life oh my god there's the ceo of my company now's my chance to impress him hey mr carlisle check this out that's what i can do for the company really can you do other things for the company no no no i don't want to be promoted that way i want to be promoted to shooting hawks with a crossbar way the nfl experience that sounds cool kid you're the best sign with me and you're gonna make millions griffin get out there now it's his knee doc you'll never play football again too bad kid you was gonna buy me a house now come on guys it's game time yeah patriots all right this is the greatest sunday tradition ever except for getting all my cutaway gags ready for the week okay my great uncle wears a ski hat all the time griffin will be followed by nick nolte's handkerchief followed by japanese abe lincoln and then monkey rabbi hey where's the monkey rabbi here's your torah you'll be here on tuesday at nine check in with shirley you gonna need me this week ah maybe maybe friday uh now where are the gays over here no no they're really cartoony gays yoo-hoo there you are we're gonna need you guys all week [Music] okay brian so what are the rules what rules what are the rules how do you make points oh no come on we're here just give me the cliff notes version like like who's the guy with the football ball it's just called a football okay okay short handling go i like it i like it now i see some elements of red rover with a little bit of spud mixed in and is anyone ever going to blow a raspberry on the quarterback's belly no stewie that never happens down goes brady and it looks like williams is pulling up his shirt and having a little fun with his tummy no look he's doing it ah this is my favorite part of the game when two drunk guys each holding a baby get into a fistfight you're stupid no you're stupid oh now their wives are getting into it they're gonna put this class you [ __ ] no you got no class and now here comes security to kick out the wrong person come on miyagi take that karate outside with a five-point lead and only 10 seconds left all the patriots have to do is kneel down with the ball and the game is oh my god it's a fumble it's picked up by the bills and they're gonna score the game-winning touchdown boom oh come on my god ten losses in a row this whole season's been one long bad dream yeah like that one where i walk into the bank and i ain't got no clothes on sir what are you doing you have no clothes on ah must be having one of those dreams again better wake myself up oh thank god well time to apply for this small business loan [Music] we now return to turner classic movies presentation of john wayne's final western big bill doyle [Music] big bill two men got off the 240 from amarillo saddle my horse john wayne only ate beef and coffee for every meal so the director had to shoot around the fact that he was on the toilet all the time reach for the sky pilgrims big bill doyle that's right and i just made a big bill cats lost in a buffalo buffalo's got everything they don't need a win like this you know i am gonna channel this anger into something useful like trying to get sand out of my backpack ah it's been four years since i went to the beach try turning it inside out don't you think i tried that that's the first thing i did we now return to the fox nfl post game show i'm here with cj spiller cj you ran for 200 yards today how did you manage that against the patriots defense well we just jailed as a team today and was fortunate to come away with the win all thanks and praise goes to god he really won this one for us mario williams you scored the winning touchdown how does it feel to beat the patriots i'd like to thank god and the jury of my peers who are both responsible for me being able to play today what the hell this is such bull crap well what are you talking about isn't it obvious god hates the patriots he made him lose again peter uncross your legs it's weird to yell with your legs crossed come on don't you notice that whenever the patriots lose the other team always thanks god huh peter does kind of have a point guys i'm tired of god messing with football we got to do something about it like what we got to find god and tell him to cut the crap how many times is god gonna ruin our sunday with both church and bad football it's time someone told god to stay where he belongs in our schools and and telling people fine god all right i'm in me too let's do this whoa whoa joe joe what the hell what i thought uh find god was a code word no we meant literally go and find him oh well i already texted bonnie [Music] [Music] ugh what a night what a night [Music] uh yes telegram for hungover yes uh i'll sign for that thank you very much oh boy ah how was your night stewie ugh get your own life bro get off my sack well lois the guys and i are off to find god peter that's ridiculous this is ridiculous there's 500 old grocery bags neatly folded and crammed into one of our cabinets i'm leaving those for the kids peter the idea of god let alone that he'd care anything about football is absurd well it's absurd to think that my hands what is that okay this is god's house so we'll just go in there talk to him and take care of this whole thing it'll be easy as one two [Music] so three hang on guys i want to enter the church like sherman hemsley and amen [Music] there was a baby's funeral going on in there [Music] huh godzilla look i saw this article in the paper today first headline read aloud often incorrect no no not that one the one below it oh carrie underwood credits her success to personal relationship with god you think she knows where we can find him i'm sure she does she's smart she won her job in a contest guys we are going to nashville [Music] don't worry that wasn't our line here comes our line [Music] wow the country music awards and you know it's huge cause it's on a tuesday night hey look there's taylor swift and there's taylor not so swift i broke up with a birthday cake ugh we went on like two dates hey you're carrie underwood right i sure am you want an autograph yeah can you get me randy travis's uh i don't think so hey in that song jesus take the wheel was that like the real jesus or was it just some mexican guy no it was the real jesus wow so you know him we're actually looking for his father do you know where we can find god well god is everywhere he's in our hearts and we take him with us wherever we go you don't know who you are but i have to go perform peter i don't think she knows where god is let's go hey you know i don't like you talking other guys i'm sorry jesus whatever give me 40 bucks i want to get a toby keith hat you sure you don't want to stay for the show nah this place gives me the creeps like when i went to that pedophile opera we are proud to present mozart's the magic flute in a minor and you still won't give us an emmy come on if mud and family did that joke you'd be carrying them around on your shoulders well god wasn't in nashville either maybe it's time to throw in the towel all right look maybe i'm not like other football fans but i don't have a fulfilling career in a rich family life football is all i got peter's right we all live and die with the patriots yeah we got to do this even if it means traveling to the ends of the earth that's the spirit guys we'll find him can't be any harder than finding that cheese i think the cheese is that way i'm pretty sure it's over here guys guys finding the cheese is what they want us to do let's just chill i don't know where they're getting all this weed in greece it was commonly held that one could speak to the guy there what do you mean gods there's more than one yes peter greece is polytheistic quick peter say something so he thinks you know what he's talking about words yeah you get it [Music] apparently the greeks have a bunch of different gods athena's the goddess of wisdom poseidon is the god of the sea and i am kronos the god of time oh cool what do you do i tell the time and make gift baskets so are you also the god of gift baskets i don't know you tell me rosewood mango candle chronos i know i know it's 4 30 by the way [Music] all right what better place to find god than the birthplace of all of western civilization's great religions and one really mean one i had a feeling this is what this place would be like oh god i'm [ __ ] down who gets married ailments oh look joe's feeding them pennies somebody take a picture i can't believe we didn't find god in jerusalem well we'll have to keep looking oh here's our bus to the airport oh wow that was super loud ah india the most spiritual country in the world [Music] god is not here well that whole trip was pointless yeah plus i left my jacuzzi on the whole time came home to a boiled raccoon ah you guys i feel terrible i'm sorry i dragged you around the world looking for god i guess it was a huge waste of time like bringing a married guy to vegas so i'm thinking steakhouse do they have salad i can't eat red meat yeah then we hit the tables i'm already down 30 bucks maybe the sports book is that near caesar's i got to get brandy a celine dion t-shirt and then the strip club guys we have a 7 a.m tea time and are we just gonna bail on the hoover dam hey guys hey death what are you doing here actually i'm here for your show oh come on man i'm on vacation wait a minute death you work with god will you take us to him sure i guess i could but don't you mean her look at your faces of course it's the dude come on let's go [Music] death we really appreciate you taking us to see god just do this instead oh well wait wait now i mean you could just pick us up after and then what the where the hell are we this is heaven this is heaven looks like a sandals oh hey i'm god welcome to heaven oh you got to be kidding me handicapped is still a thing up here oh yeah you're like this forever hey how come everyone has different kinds of towels well we don't provide towels you have to bring your own it's very important that you die holding towels have the priests not been passing this along it's very important you know i actually can't believe they let me into heaven they won't even let me umpire little league games anymore strike two and ricky you have got the best ass on this field look god the reason we're here is we wanted to tell you to stop messing with the patriots oh what you really think i'd get involved with football games when there's people dying in africa are you gonna do something about the people dying in africa no but i'm pretty upset about it now come off it god you know what you're doing stop making the patriots lose i'm god i don't have to do anything yeah so you admit it maybe oh my god it's true you don't like pay attention to how much each individual tips at each meal right look look god why you got to hurt patriots fans these are good drunk people who work hard to get absolutely nowhere in life there are three mil but they live to watch football many of them still on zenith or sylvania television sets please god we're begging you leave football alone it's all we got ah look it it's not the fans it's just it's belichick i don't like him i gave that guy three super bowls and he never smiled once not even at home be grateful but but that's just belichick yeah come on god um i'm locked out of my room again oh yeah go directly to the boss don't even try to ask an employee you gotta lock the doors in heaven one guy lost a laptop and everybody went nuts all right all right i'll tell you what if you make belichick smile i'll let the patriots win again oh okay you're on and i know peter that's gonna be tough don't worry i got a lot of practice making people smile i used to be a celebrity baby photographer okay apple apple smile for peter smile for no no okay okay look over there who's that who's that who loves you over there that's right can you smile for nanny number two that's it there you go and your mommy said that she'll be able to skype at 8 30 if drinks don't turn into dinner [Music] okay okay here he comes hiya mr belichick smile and if there's one thing that always gets me to smile it's a child's laughter so i found this kid in the parking lot and i'm gonna make him laugh for you look [Music] come on laugh who's your brother would you would you would you with you don't touch my son's face get over here little man this flight is cleared for liftoff vroom liftoff who's flying you're flying again who's daddy's little jet i love you [Music] daddy oh god you guys again all right coach another surefire equation for comedy is tragedy plus time and now we wait all right coach now one thing that's always funny is when i dub my voice over animal footage and introduce human foibles into their situations tough day at the bank no just had a bad lunch what did you have serengeti and meatballs how absurd look you guys have been following me around all day making fools out of yourselves would you just leave me alone i've got work to do guys i guess we failed sorry for wasting your time coach we got to get to the hospital anyway our friend joe here has to have his fluids changed every 72 what was that oh my god joe quick tell them more about your sad life uh every morning i wake up drenched in my own urine my feet are just shoes sewn to the bottom of my pants last week the handicap seat on the bus was taken so they put me on the front like a bicycle after i injured my legs my doctor said i'd be walking again in two weeks huh that's hysterical oh my god yes all right he smiled we did it oh man this is my biggest accomplishment since my 1920s solo flight across the atlantic [Applause] don't look in there don't look in there it's all craps all right we got to put toilets in these things if we're going to be in them for more than two hours wow you guys pulled it off well a deal's a deal i'll leave the patriots alone oh thanks god really appreciate it ah come here you go get off me get off me what the hell uh god's mildly autistic you you can't touch him especially on the head it's all right it's all right it's all right just just don't do that sorry about that well uh again thanks we won't forget this oh by the way conway twitty says cut it out just write [Music] oh peter i'm glad you're home and i'm happy you guys found what you were looking for yeah and this trip made me realize that 98 of the world is just making each other blankets so brian you still an atheist now that dad's met god stewie who knows who he met every time we go to disney world he thinks mickey mouse just happened to be there that day i'll tell you seeing god in heaven was just like that time i met mickey and donald outside thunder mountain i mean what are the odds but peter i still don't understand why you would go to all that trouble to find god and only ask about the patriots oh i asked for one more thing ah what's happening don't look at her don't look at her it's okay just go with it it'll all be over in a second

Channel: CD ZONE MUSIC

Views: 7,953

Rating: 4.84375 out of 5

Keywords: Family Guy

Id: 4wodALxuYmE

Length: 19min 39sec (1179 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 22 2021