Family Guy Religion Jokes The Best Of Part 1

jesus is not really dead but that he must let the world think that he is dead until he can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within him da da [Applause] reverend mother i have sinned what is this sin my child oh well no harm done i too have sinned mother oh my god that's a rolf what the hell is wrong with you hey i didn't start this war but it's on we now return to touched by an angel now where exactly did the angel touch you here oh come on who are you gonna believe i got a freaking halo ah remember when you got drunk off the communion wine at church and so the lord god smote poor job with festering boils all over his body oh man i hate it when he tells this story yet miraculously job was still able to retain his dignity whoa is that really the blood of christ yes man that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day huh so peter where should we go for your week off well i i was thinking we could all go to purgatory like we did last year this isn't bad it's not that good but it's not that bad it's so so yeah more or less the bible declares an eye for an eye so let us now take our vengeance on this murderous ocean [Applause] you won't be hurting anyone anymore sir we think the griffin guy gets it good good peggy turn off the plagues please yes sir mr patterson she's she's new god you're as transparent as your father was when he pretended to be a hasidic jew to get off work good morning hebrews and hebrews what a glorious jewish day hey how about all those coupons in the sunday paper huh some good deals there hey you know i went into a store last week and they wanted 800 bucks for a tv but i used them down to 500. welcome to the quahog special people's games i'm tom tucker and i'm diane simmons it's a great day to be alive tom able-bodied or not it sure is diane today we'll see some of quahog's finest athletes struggle valiantly against god's twisted designs you'll cheer you'll cry you might even get a cheap laugh or two i know i will tom in fact there's the distinct possibility that by the end of the day we'll all be going to hell i'll see you there diane uh all this time spent keeping people from having sex now i know how the catholic church feels peter what the hell is that lois i'm tired of mort always mooching off us so i may have scared you peter we're not gonna have this in our front yard it's racist and for god's sake you ruined your best suit now we're gonna have to get you a new one lois lois look hey guys i just wanted to return you oh oh my god it's hitler he's back he's back hurry protect jon stewart he's our most important jew hey i've gotten people to believe crazier things and if you are pure of heart indeed you'll all go to a beautiful place called heaven i'm yanking you you're just rotten the ground my my what a thumping good read lions eating christians people nailing each other to two by fours i say you won't find that in winnie the pooh please don't say poo [Music] oh no i don't volunteer for anything since i helped those guys repaint the sistine chapel yeah uh listen i thought the stuff that was there was kind of lame so uh i put this up i figured andre the giant to be a little hipper you know get back some of those boys you scared away i haven't been this scared since mother teresa od'd in my car she is messed up man shut up just shut up let me think push her out we can't leave her alone push the [ __ ] out [Applause] there it is the black market lois if we don't make it out of here alive i i should tell you i i i promised my first girlfriend we'd meet up in heaven i was lying but but just so you know it's something we might have to deal with here we are the red sea now all we got to do is swim across i didn't bring my trunks i don't want to step on a shell i can't get water in my ears i ate 20 minutes ago you know what they flush in cairo ends up right here all right i'll see what i can do you know peter i actually had a good time with you tonight and i just want to say well i'm glad you married my daughter oh thank you jesus oh actually it wasn't me it was no it's okay i'm used to it you really think that splashing magic water on stewie will keep him out of hell what's that kind of chalk or you'll get your heathen head smacked well that's very christian believe what i say or i'll hurt you now you're getting it hope pope it's a time to get up and put on your hat it's a stupid hat pope all right okay god pope the floor is not a hamper man good [Applause] the bible also says a senior citizen built an ark and rounded up two of every animal hey yeah what the hell is this oh you didn't really give any specific guidelines about mating did you name it what did you name it uh yeah he's paul yeah well it's gonna be a hell of a lot harder for you now because he's going overboard my god he just walked right over the edge of course he did christians don't believe in gravity what look all i'm saying is put an israeli guy next to an arab guy and i can't tell a difference everybody this is my wife loca we're married well maybe here that's not in america where god pays attention that man's going to hell and from the looks of his midsection he'll burn like a tire dump for all eternity oh i love god he's so deliciously evil stewie eat your oatmeal oh i thought that dot on your head was from a sniper rifle peter this spot is a sacred adornment it's a portal an opening through which all light goodness rejuvenation joy and ecstasy may enter the human form a vagina get out

Channel: Cartoon Family Dad

Views: 72,674

Keywords: Family Guy, Cutaway, Familyguy, familyguy, family guy, americandad, cutaway, compilation, funniest, religion, joke, jokes, religions

Id: bcGWxrMm8YQ

Length: 6min 48sec (408 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 09 2022