Ex-Satanist Shares His Story (John May)

and so my little life Journey began you know I had a I had a good home I had a good mom and dad my mom was a secretary at Redland Baptist Church ever since I was in elementary school so I have nothing in my past to show you of why I became what I became did you know that music it stimulates your mind more than sex you know you can listen to one song and it changed your entire mood how many of y'all have one song that you always go to if you're down you have one song that you play to lift you back up music is like a drug okay it stimulates you you know growing up I was 80s kid 80s kids out there what began to happen in my life is the enemy watches you okay there's he has no time limit he sits there and he watches you and he sees what you like he sees what you're interested in and from a very young age I can remember in seventh and eighth grade growing up the metal scene always just enticed me uh growing up you had Dio you had Motley Crue you had Ozzy you had all these metal bands and you start listening to what they say and it just started sucking me in I liked that look I like leather I like studs and spikes I like fire so everything that I was watching and listening to you know I can look at this shout out to devil now and it just kind of makes me giggle because that is nothing compared to what the enemy's doing nowadays it is absolute I told Josh I said I have changed his testimony or these videos about 12 times because I would I would start doing this stuff and I'd be like oh they can't see that y'all would literally throw up in here I'd be like well I can't show them that I can't show them accountable Corpse video I can't show them a Venom video I can't show him a Slayer video because in the metal world today they are actually doing Satanic rituals on stage that is a long way from when I grew up guys he started conditioning me with imagery and with lyrics okay if you'll go back to the earliest times of Motley Crue they always wore a pentagram right on their forehead Tommy's Lee drum said had a pentagram on the front of his drum set okay they start slowly bringing into you this satanic imagery until you accept that oh that's cool I can remember my mom telling me John that's the devil no Mom that's cool okay so you start you start molding yourself around what you see because words bring life or death right and so when you start listening this music you start bringing in this negativity into your life and then it happened song that changed everything that is actually not that's mild guys that group is called wasp and wife stood for we are sexual perverts uh from the very night I don't mean if y'all can remember back in the 80s they had a thing called Headbangers ball and I can remember laying in my bed with headphones on and that actually wasn't the right song but we're going to give Andrew the benefit of the doubt because he is awesome uh I'll let him play in just a second the song was called I want to be somebody and listening to that song in my bed the hair on my back stood straight up and you can actually feel the presence of evil and it just enticed me to the point where the next day back then we had what's called record players I went and bought every watch that only had two but I went and bought every wasp uh record that they made and guys I literally sat there and memorized every song to every or every word to every song that was played I loved everything about them Blackie Lawless was to me a God he wore saw blades he wore 12 inch saw blade between his legs he wore spikes all these songs are about sex or Satan that song that you just you just uh witness was called Hellion uh I was blessed to be a part of Hell houses up here and I would always my room would always be my testimony I always had a heavy metal room and that was my testimony actually played that song in one of the uh rooms that we did so the worship began guys couldn't get enough you start memorizing once you start pumping your mind full of all this it's word afterward won the statements in that song uh I can and listen to that just just flood your minds with memories uh when you get to the middle of that song it says the gods you worship are still at the altar of rock and roll you'll kneel a slave who forever rocks is Chained in the devil's locks and slain by the bloody ax that I well and you start with that imagery and I made my room well it's been a thing called the rack it was a big rack with spikes and they were tied a naked lady up to it in a concert and slit her throat I built this in my room but I thought it was cool okay I built a huge pentagram well to the pentagram I put out the foot in my bed because all this imagery to me was mental okay that was a lifestyle that started resonating with me I'm like oh this is cool man all right so you start going to school one of the things that happened in school and this was a freak I was in ag class sitting upstairs and everybody knew I was a Metalhead and I was sitting there and I happened to look over and I saw the wind catch the door and the doors finished shut and so I stood up and I said in the name of Satan shut and the door slammed shut and Buddy from that moment on in high school I had a reputation of the man people would get out of your way when you walked down the hallways people were just like oh man John is this John's that so you gained a type of respect it was a weird kind of respect but you gained it you gained reputation in school in the 10th grade I met my first why you know when you're a Satanist what do you expect Satan to bring you right so he introduced me and I'm gonna name you name she introduced me to my first wife who started dating she was not a good girl and so I was introduced to sex I was introduced who and by the way she was Catholic imaginary Catholic we'll talk later because I would people laugh at me at work there's supposed to be some guys at work come she was Catholic so I'd actually go to a service with her and when we would go in I would try to boil the holy water you know they do that I would try to boil it I would sit there and the priest would be on stage and I would sit there and try to put curses on him as he was talking so I met my first wife then I was introduced guys to pain okay and this is mostly for the teenagers uh I started dating started dating her we weren't living for Christ we were living for evil and then the unthinkable happened that 15 years old comes to me and she says those words that haunt me already I'm pregnant okay 15 years old so you sit here and you think what am I going to do I can't have a baby at 15 years old right and so you start hearing these voices that you've been hearing because you you possessed your mind was evil and so the voice just says get rid of it right and in that the logical thing to do that's what Society tells you to do so at 15 years old I came up with the money and I killed my baby now then what the homeboy doesn't tell you is when you're worshiping him it's how much pain comes or certain decisions that you make okay and so you take that pain and you just shove it down and you shove it down and you shove it down and you shove it down and what he does is he uses these things to bring you closer to him because one thing that he promised me is I can take the pain away from you he said I can take the pain I was having a very bad relationship with her she played Mind Games I imagine some of y'all had the experience before you just constantly are beaten down beating down beating down and the only thing that could take the pain was going deeper and deeper and deeper into the heavy metal once you once you get to that level guys you began giving him everything and yes I'm old I have to write this stuff down as my life spiraled out of control I met we got a divorce I met my second wife I thought hey you know this is it this is pretty cool I had two awesome girls I've got Tommy and Brittany back here those are my little girls I'm like hey there's actually a life that's normal and so we tried to make it work and you try to push all that aside and every time something bad happens it comes right back up and you go right back and go I could go right back to that song Hellion and it would literally put you in a trance it would it would just make you numb or nothing mattered the pain would would go away for a little while as I met her we were married for almost 11 years and then we separate and I'll never forget trying to make everything work and you get these papers handed to you where it says you can only see your kids on this weekend and you can only see your kids on this Wednesday and my life just crashed literally just spiraled out of control it was a pain that I had never in my life felt before because losing one kid was always in the back your head and now you felt like you've lost the other two kids because of a piece of paper because of bad decisions that you made and so I went right back to what I knew would take the pain away met another girl and I do not mean this in disrespect but that relationship was like a blur I can look back we lived together for about a year and I can't remember half of it it's just an absolute blur in my life well I guess I didn't do uh I don't guess I did what he wanted me to do because you hear these voices and it was you're not worried it's just going through Hell House you know guys people that have gone through this stuff I've had people telling me man they should have named that you know so and so it's hail life and you can go through here and I can sit there and I could watch the demons play and it's awful funny isn't it everybody wants to be demons have you noticed that in the church everybody wants to be a demon everybody wants to be the bad guy y'all supposed to giggle with that but you hear these voices and it was you're not worthy look what you did like you walking through Hell House you hear all these voices in the back your head and I couldn't handle it anymore everybody has a Breaking Point and I guess I'd reached my breaking point and I'll never forget this I was sitting in my living room I went to the drawer I got a 1911 cold out chambered around I stick it in my mouth and I start pulling the trigger because you're like I cannot handle this pain anymore and as I'm squeezing the trigger this in my I told Josh I said I've heard a a voice in my head three times in my life that I know was God and this voice was like somebody standing right behind me and he says are you ready to listen to me now and it was like somebody was in the room with me and I pulled a gun out of my mouth and I turned around I said what and says are you ready to listen to me now and I happen to look up on the mantle had a fireplace and look up on the mantle I see a picture of Tommy and Brittany in this overwhelming piece just fell completely over me and I said yes I am and at that moment I gave my life to Christ you know what do you do I grew up in a church right like I told you before my mom was secretary at Redland Baptist Church did nothing for me you you just go to church see your friends and you go home right and so I didn't know what church was supposed to be like so I gave my life to Christ I was like oh my gosh I like heavy metal what am I going to do I can't listen to this stuff anymore so I go to Christian word Here Comes I go to Christian words and works and I meet with y'all know who Wes is right everybody give it up for West I walk into Christian words and works and West takes what I never made him for my life he takes one look at him and he says you like 80s heavy metal I see yeah he said let me show you some Christian heavy metal and Wes took me over there and he started playing all this Christian metaphor and I'm like holy cow you know why there's Christian heavy metal guys because God becomes everything to everybody so that by any means necessary some will come to Christ okay I uh got my life back on track right I started praying I started going to church the church was struggling uh I just I dove in for everything I could I'll never forget it I had a mullet stand about right here yeah I rocked the mullet for a long time high top shoes I drove 78 T-top gold Trans Am I drive up to the church one day and a kid comes out there and he says Mr John you are cool and I said I went straight to the pastor brother Tire I said I don't know why I'm supposed to tell you this I said but I want to work with the use he said you think you can win souls I said I'll do everything I can he said do it and Fear Factor youth ministry was born I was a youth pastor at Redland Baptist Church doing a Fear Factor youth ministry when Josh Pogue was used Pastor up here and they actually came to cover my fear factors that we did guys I dove in okay uh back then we had just a piano on the organ and so forth and I just kept feeling led to to do something like y'all have but we didn't have anything I said all right I said God I said show you how bad I want us I'm gonna learn how to play the drums and so I went and bought a CD I went to a garage sale about a hundred dollar used drum set and I practiced for six hours every day until it clicked I said all right Lord I said I got a drummer we prayed and we prayed and about two years went by and I'll never forget to come outside because I was teaching Sunday school I had youth I come downstairs and brother Ty walked up to him and he said John it's Chuck hayner he's a singer a lead guitarist this is his son he plays the bass he said you got a praise band just like that and guys we dove in and we dove in and I tried every thing I could do I was so pumped I was serving the true king right until the church I have never in my life met a group of people that were so selfish my way or get out how dare you wear sleeveless shirts in this church you walked too fast down the aisle you said that word on stage guys it was an absolute nightmare I wasn't fighting Satan anymore guys I was fighting the church do you hear what I'm saying I was fighting the people that I was trying to help and I was I was stopped at every corner it got to the point where I would be sick at my stomach when I was getting ready to go to church and then it become a battle like all right we're gonna go to war sister I had one-on-one time come up to me and say John how dare you wear that to church I said what am I wearing I had blue jeans and the sleeve of the shirt how dare you wear that to church I said yes ma'am I'm sorry I won't do it again so next Sunday I wore sandals in a robe laughs I said this is what my king wore is that good enough for you okay guys it became it became a it was sickening because it became a challenge every time they would come to me and be like you can't do that oh brother I kicked it in high gear I talked to brother Ty we had what we call youth day I had the entire service the last Sunday Very month I had people getting up and walking out of the church I was the first person to ever play drums in that church that was a No-No so what did I do I did drum solo [Applause] I have a warning be careful Christians of how you treat new Christians okay this is coming from experience we have done more damage the society that Satan never will I have seen more people come to the church because of something that we were trying to do to become all things to all people and we would get people in the church and the Christians would run them out so be careful what you say what you do because people are watching you I had an interesting conversation one time with a Mormon yeah that was interesting I never forget he brought he came I'm supervisor in the truck shop at Brookshire Brothers and he brought the oil that we had and he come in one day just to gripe it have you seen these people going to church lately I said what they're wearing flip-flops and shorts in God's house that's what am I supposed to wear thank you I said from the Bible that I read Jesus lives in me I said you're going to a building brother I said Jesus is you naked so he don't care if you got a three-piece suit on okay but that was the that was the mindset of a lot of churches it was more tradition and I'm not I'm not dogging anything I'm just saying guys when somebody I used to I used to get so mad I would stand on stage and tell the congregation I said I'm going to tell you all this if God starts it brother there ain't nothing you can do to stop it okay and it got to the point to where we had to leave and we prayed about it and we prayed about it and another church happened to need a pastor a youth pastor and a praise and worship team can you believe that so at one goodbye y'all we go to another church and we start everything again I said all right we're going to do something different so I started a youth ministry called Rebellion now what was interesting you know I'm Ready for War but this church had a whole different attitude for young people I had an 85 year old woman come up to me at Crossroads and say I just love listening to your drums wow wow what a difference from being getting up and people walking out on you when you hit that first Tom to a woman saying that was so cool that you bringing these young people up here and they're worshiping Christ so it's a mindset guys oh you get so wrapped up in the church you want to do everything that you can and I burned myself out and that's very easy to do especially in a small church I was doing everything you teach Sunday school you teach a Wednesday night you teach God and this is sand we had a lot of people leaving the crossroads so I started like my own little church upstairs because a lot of young people we're leaving and I said okay I said we got to do something so edges becomes overwhelming and so you start getting burned out guys there is an evil that unless you have experienced it your mind cannot comprehend I just tell my kids all the time I said I'm gonna tell you something I said you're up against somebody that hates you with a passion hates you hate your siblings hates everything about you and his number one goal is to destroy your life and he will do it by any means possible he will use your family he will use your job he will use friends he will use kids he will use church people he will use pastors he will use anything he can get his hands on to destroy you you are up against somebody guys that never sleeps he never eats he never stops coming for you period do you understand this I get so tickling people thinking well I'm okay no no no you're not okay brother you're going up against somebody that in the presence of God almighty convinced a third of the Angels who were in heaven with God that he was better than God and you think you got a chance in hell the only way that you have that you can fight him is with the word of God period I get so sick of being this I tell Josh all the time I said if you need somebody to talk to I got an ear because I got so sick of people I get so sick of people's attitude well God will understand no God don't have to understand okay God doesn't have to understand anything God doesn't need you you need God says I'll call the rocks to worship me I don't need you and people have this well I just don't believe in the Bible no man if you don't believe in the Bible because if you believe in the Bible that means you're accountable all right they didn't experiment and I laughed I did an experiment one time they put people in an elevator and as the elevator was going down the lights would go off and when the lights come back on there'd be a little demon kid standing in the corner just stand there of course you see these people's reaction 99.9 of everybody in this room did this if I don't see it it doesn't exist right if I don't believe it then it can't exist right God you can say that wall is pink all you want to I love Josh's last sermon you know if you're a dude you want to be a girl that's up to you but you're still a dude I have tried to self-identify I was a 65 year old man so I could retire but that's not going over real well with people I don't know why everybody else can do it and why somebody would want to go from a man to a woman is beyond me guys once I got my life straight I wrote a letter to God people think it's I wrote a letter to God I said Dear God this is what I want in a woman I wonder like this this this and this I laid on my bed and I prayed over it I said if you want me to be with somebody you bring her to me because I'm through looking I've had four now I turned two I said you bring her to me and until that day I said I will serve you with everything I have and I will do everything I can to bring somebody to Christ eight years later I get a phone call from Jennifer he said hey you know she was coming up here so I didn't hold that against her he's hanging we were having ice cream up here now so she wants you ride your bike up here she said you can take him for a ride I said Jennifer if I take you for a ride on my motorcycle I said you will fall in love with me we've been married nine years [Applause] best thing ever happened to her kids what you do I promise you I promise you I promise you I promise you I used to get so mad at my youth group I would tell them do I need to summon a demon if you see what is it going to take for me to get through to you that there is a spiritual war out there everything that you do in your life everything you listen to everything you watch everything you say opens doors okay and when that door is opened you have invited an unclean spirit into what is that is that an eyeball you have invited an unclean Spirit into your life once that unclean Spirit attaches itself to you it's hard to get rid of it okay you know the Bible talks about that one goes away and it says I'll wait for the stronger one to come back I'm telling Joshua today when when Andrea was making this video for me guys I would sit in a pentagram anybody know what a pentagram is a pentagram is the shape of a goat head Jesus is the Lamb of God Satan is the goat okay Satan wants to be everything like Jesus just like that concert I showed you Satan wants to be worshiped that's his ultimate goal is to be worshiped people look at me and be like dude you worship Satan I said dude so did you what I said when did you become a Christian oh about a year ago I said guess what brother guess who you worshiped until you gave your life to Christ the only difference is is I knew how I was worshiping I called out to his name I would sit in a pentagram in my room say in the Lord's Prayer backwards because that's what Satan is due playing that song it would go into another round just to ease the pain and one day I got to thinking why was I never possessed I believe in possession guys you can't tell me when I owed all these shootings and stuff but the people go in and shoot places and then Satan removes himself from them they realize what they did so they shoot themselves because of the guilt I 100 believe in possession and I always want to say why was I never possessed I never killed anybody I killed an unborn I said well I wasn't I possessed guys it was about four to five years after I gave my life to Christ and I did a skit on this at Crossroad one time I gave my first testimony and my mom came up to me who was an absolute devout Christian woman he said you didn't know I used to pray for you did you I said what guys my room was the epitome of evil I had to rag I had pentagrams I had ceiling walls covered in wasp and satanic imagery and I would sit in that pentagram and just pray if you'll take the pain I am yours I will serve you I will hunt down every Christian on this face of the Earth and will destroy him with everything I got you know what surprised me is Christians don't know that much that's actually sad Christians do not know why they serve the god that they serve I would go at Rhythm Baptist Church and ask people why don't you go to church on Sunday [Music] why do you do what you do uh-huh I remember in high school going to these Christian kids I could destroy you I knew more about the Bible than the Christians did but my mom came to me guys and this is this blowed my mind this is the power of Prayer I would be in my room in a pentagram praying to Satan and my mom said she said every time I heard that song come on in your room he said I would walk to your door kneel down and pray over you can you imagine the battle going on in my room man I'm sitting there giving Satan absolute authority to take me over my mama said no you can't and I just I would sit there at night sometimes and when I go to heaven that's the first thing I'm gonna ask Jesus is can I see that day and I see you one of those days in my room in the spiritual warfare that was going on it would probably be like a kung fu movie it would be absolutely amazing guys you don't have to worship Satan you don't have to be a heavy metal you don't have to be a Satanist you don't have to be on drugs you've never heard that in my testimony I wasn't an alcoholic I wasn't a drug yeah I drank got drunk I smoke weed like cigarettes but that's not what it was about it was about power it was about seeing something that took the pain away and you latched on to it you don't have to do all that all he has to do is keep you away from the word of God that's it and he's doing a very good job of it Satanism is one of the fastest growing religions out there other than witchcraft and the satanic church or the Church of Satan started by Anton LaVey will tell you we don't worship Satan we worship the idea and the freedom of Satan okay that's why you have rituals what do you summon an idea but wouldn't that be a little bit odd though if Church Satan come out and said we worship Lucifer it may be like oh my gosh but if you tell somebody I worship an idea that makes it that downplays it a little bit guys you have got to understand who you serve I struggle every day living that life for 15 years I have a anger issue I still struggle with anger as my family I struggle with pride and that's what I was talking about in the church even in the church he uses people against you he uses you I got very prideful at being a youth Minister and being able to do all this stuff okay we did the first seven years of Hell House up here they called me and Jennifer back I screwed that up royally because of pride how dare you tell me how to do this and it took a year for God to Humble me to the point the way he's like they don't need you and so I came back I apologize I apologize to Josh be careful of what you do guys when there is a war that you cannot imagine and it's just going to get worse and wars and Wars so study the word of God okay that is the only weapon you have is the word of God the word of God is alive and active sharp in the E double-edged sword okay Mr Josh I'm gonna end with this I don't do the altar calls people just don't like coming up to me for some reason something to fight for that's my kids my wife and my grand babies and I will fight with everything I have the church let me down at one time in my life I'm expecting you not to when you see new people come in show them who Christ is don't show them who you are show them who Christ is thank you [Applause] hey would you stay standing I want to invite our all our uh worship team to come and join me on the stage real quick yo I wanna I wanna recap a couple of things because I I felt like there was really two big pieces in his message that um that we need to think about that we need to pray about that we need to search ourselves for the first one is this be careful who you worship be careful who you serve know who you are that whole thought process listen your music that you listen to the things that you watch the things that you read the things that you allow to come into your mind a lot of times God will bring a message like this so that we can clear out things in our life so that we can evaluate our life and get rid of things in our life that we know that the holy spirit's been dealing with that we need to get rid of and they need to go for some of you that might be your music for some of you you need to shut down your Facebook for some of you that's Netflix whatever that looks like if you don't have enough self-control to get the things out of your life that that God is asking you to get out of your life then you just may need to shut something completely down but I believe the two pieces that that God is is is shooting at us is hitting at us through John's testimony is number one you need to know who you serve and why you serve them and then stop yourself from serving someone without you even knowing that you're serving them through allowing junk in your life I believe today that we need to release some things and give them to God and then the second thing is this this is to the church yeah don't be you be me I thought that was so good God is bringing people into our church for us to love and for us to show the way and for us to be Jesus too [Music] and if we don't do that we are failing him that's huge yo so I think that maybe maybe we need to repent I think maybe we need to repent I don't know what that was Satan's trying to Infiltrate The Churchill I'm just kidding alter team would you come and come up to the front here's what we're gonna do we're gonna sing a song [Music] if you're here today if you're here today and you know that there are things in your life that you need to give up then I'm gonna ask you would you be obedient to the Holy Spirit and would you come and either get the pray that the prayer that you need or come and find a place where you can gain the strength that you need by your alone time with God and ask him to help you as he is calling you to give these specific things up the second piece is if you're here and you need to repent because you've been too religious at rickenzie you've been too full of yourself or because you got Pride issues and you've allowed your pride to hurt people [Music] then I want to invite you to just a minute don't hold that in get rid of it you'll feel so much better get rid of it repent before God so with every head bad and never had clothes if you need to get something out of your life if you need to repent and ask God to help you to be him or if you need prayer for anything in here today if the holy spirit's dealing with you if he's drawing you if he's pulling you right now as we sing this song Would you step out and come come find someone to pray with you they would love to or come and find a place where you can pray with God where you can go to God and allow him to do a new work in you come on right now and if you want to step out and come to the front and worship would you step out and come right now to the front let's Worship the Lord and let's allow God to do a supernatural work inside of us today

Channel: Clawson Assembly of God

Views: 523,665

Keywords: satan, satanism, satanist, church, christ, testimony, john, may, worship, devil, story, journey, WASP

Id: up9exjRslbw

Length: 44min 47sec (2687 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 01 2021