Everything Wrong With The A-Team In 16 Minutes Or Less

just in case you confused it with nowhere in mexico typing subtitles these guys argue about how to kill hannibal well basically so that a movie can happen kickback will kill this idiot i know he's dumb but he's fired a gun before for sure now let's let the dogs kill him because yeah still need him for this movie next time amigo plan ahead this is a cute reference to hannibal's i love it when a plan comes together saying meaning he's got a plan already a plan that called for the captors to try and shoot him with his own gun instead of theirs and then decide to wait and let the dogs kill him dogs keep running into a looping time warp that has found itself in this warehouse somewhere in mexico and they left his gun that didn't work right next to him stupidest captors ever movie makes the dogs run into the shadows because whatever hannibal does to get out of this without shooting them is almost certainly [ __ ] liam neeson isn't killing anyone in this scene not even a dog and of course they also let the captive keep his gps device i mean it was so obvious the dogs were going to take care of him why bother searching him right movie gives fewer [ __ ] about its plot details than you do you can outrun the cops in mexico in a car like this but you definitely cannot hide this asshole's name translated in english is guy who helps the movie rip off indiana jones i like this whole santa fe motif you got going here tuco new mexico is this a discount breaking bad because i might actually award points if it is convenient re-stolen van is convenient you jacking me what is this opposite day opposite deck you have told a stranger i don't even know you fool be a helpfully defined stranger for us so we can follow along you just shot me but what the hell you have the same tattoo as me so it's all water under the bridge man i know where you are sir what are the odds that these two army rangers would bump into each other in the middle of mexico i don't subscribe to coincidence corporal but screenwriters do now i need your help to save another and i'm hoping you can just gloss over that hole i just shot you thing you actually believe that you got bad guy continues monologuing even after his captive says this so that hannibal and ba have time to get here we already send the convenient timing of ba and hannibal meeting in the desert and the convenientness of the bad guy monologuing instead of killing face but how the face know that all these other conveniences were going to conspire to keep him alive you could literally close your eyes and have just as much clues to what's going on as if you were watching this face would be excellent at cinemasins thank you heck caracas wait these guys are all meeting for the first time hollywood gives us yet another origin story we didn't ask for or need i guess the bad guys know exactly where the fledgling a team went after their daring escape i'm a real soldier i'm a ranger baby well isn't somewhere in mexico a geographical oddity it has more disgraced army rangers per capita than anywhere in the world director has a writing credit so you know this shit's going to rule just like when m night shyamalan does it we got a hot championship i see bad aim academy graduated their senior class today movie destroy is literally my favorite thing about the tv show 16 minutes in i'm no helicopter scientist but i feel confident saying [ __ ] he's only got heat seekers left even if you somehow know the mexican helicopter's payload you [ __ ] counted the missiles he fired at you while your chopper was upside down face definitely doesn't have the strength to one arm ba back into the helicopter they should have lost two army rangers right there but i imagine they would have found two more at a truck stop later movie rips off the stalled vehicle that is falling starts just in time to avoid a crash cliche from literally everything and i love it when a plan comes together wait was that a 20 minute movie ah thank god damn it any one of those 80 missions were probably more entertaining than the one we're about to watch also yeah but how many failures i refuse to believe this ragtag group of stubborn soldiers managed to successfully complete 80 missions without also [ __ ] up just as many missions also ba said he was dishonorably discharged did they just give that guy a clean slate and welcome him back like the prodigal son because i'm here to tell you the military does not do prodigal sons they don't do welcome backs based on knife armed or new guys murdoch burn the hell out of him everyone knows only [ __ ] order steak well done yeah oh good these two characters have some sort of romantic history anytime these two talk about their relationship i'm just going to skip it is that cool now the only mint outside of the u.s capable of printing our money belonged to the shah of iran movie's just going to casually drop that [ __ ] and just move on like it's nothing there's some rumors about some top secret plates oh i get it we didn't see the other 80 missions because they didn't involve a romantic subplot crashing into an illegal military operation clashing with a legal military operation if you're gonna make a play for these plates i'm waving you off right now well isn't it convenient that the a team is being simultaneously recruited and prohibited for the same mission i mean did jessica biel and lynch coordinate their polar opposite requests to be simultaneous he never came back skip he's wearing body armor in the hq and that should tell you everything you need to know about cia that they read the news and that sometimes even u.s soldiers on base go back crazy and shoot people oh you meant the easy joke that they're paranoid sorry i was taking you literally there for a second remember people you are not in reality you are not even in movie reality you are in coincidence land an alternate dimension where any crazy convenient plot development not only can happen but does happen i'm ten times the man i was when you met um liam neeson isn't killing anyone in this scene i figured uh you black forest guys oh i get it they're like black water there's no way they're evil we'll make it a week what you guys making a year rival team is in it for the money not the science aircraft are you ever gonna let me live that down no so in the last eight years murdoch has never piloted this crew again since that initial scene we saw ba hasn't had to be in an aircraft all that time is the movie daring me to hate it nobody on a populated army base notices this door or this engine getting pulled off the truck hit the media tent and see what's lying around tons of media credentials i'm sure braveheart reference is so hilarious that the movie inserts a laugh break where is hannibal smith do captains generally get away with talking to generals like this captain face your point of entry is under the hotel be packed with foreign press private security okay so the whole reason to get a press pass was to enter this hotel so that face could get to this sewer grain but why can't he just go to the sewer grate without going through all that later ba joins the action further down the road with a stolen motorcycle he doesn't need to sneak past anybody so all that nonsense with getting the press passes was pretty worthless let me put it this way jerry rice dropped some passes in his career and catching passes is not a hard job compared to this these guys can account for everything in baghdad on a secret mission and there's no variables and never a mistake you want a motorcycle to blow up a truck without accounting for speed or changing course or any other human elements you got it hey let's just leave this thing full of money wide open and sitting unguarded see what happens when you leave this unattended highly trained a-team that can do an impossible mission suddenly can't aim so bad guys can get away also liam neeson isn't killing anyone in this scene because his aim is horrible also the movie steals the ragtag military unit gets betrayed by higher ups during a dangerous op thing from the losers although you could argue the losers was kind of an a-team rip-off already but since we don't care much for source material discount the losers one sin why hasn't black forest been brought to trial because they're run by chick daney this court is rendering guilty verdicts for each member of this alpha unit or a team roll credits also this movie just took 41 minutes to give us the same setup the tv show gave us in 60 seconds of introduction narration you're all hereby stripped of formal rank and dishonorably discharged mr barakas you are dishonorably discharged again somehow absolute disgrace you just stripped them all the rank dude he's not a colonel anymore and these are not his men [ __ ] dumbass judge in case you confused it with prison listen so wait did they leave visitation go into this yard and say a couple things then go straight back to visitation to finish up this thought this drug should last long enough to declare me dead and have me placed into a crematorium and allow me to wake up a split second before the burners consume me in a fiery death also move your whips out the mysterious drug you can take that makes you appear dead when you're really just in a deep sleep from well if we're being honest from shakespeare but also from a ton of movies the director either saw mission impossible and or clear and present danger slammed his fist on the table and said we have to have the exact same actor to play the cia director in this movie movie completely glosses over how the unknown persons managed to drag the tanning booth out of the prison into this spot but hey this is the same movie that suggests face had a dave and busters in his cell a few moments ago so i guess it's par for the course come on how are they certain he would pay attention to the [ __ ] license plates also why aren't any of the guards paying attention if it's so obvious don't do it guard waits until ba is all the way in the back of the bus before saying anything to it how did you know that once that door was extracted then it would take his weight remember the gag we did venezuela but that was a [ __ ] characters describe a more interesting plot than the movie they're currently in ham and red eye gravy is a sin at 399 or any other price i can't kill anybody damn now ba literally pities the fools instead of killing them okay i'm [ __ ] done i'm walking out of here for a bit i might retire i'm not sure yet i'm gonna have to go down an undocumented amount of vodka to believe what i just saw also ba is driving this hummer right and he took a vow of non-violence right so how could he be sure there was no one he could run over when he ran through this wall and for the remainder of this scene absolutely no one will try and stop these guys military presence is not required at military outposts how has jessica biel not caught up with them yet how do they have time for this [ __ ] thankfully for being there's only one plane taking off from this airbase right now so she can easily identify which plane has the fugitives in it this military suv went to the prometheus school of running away from things phew now that you're up in the air who could possibly get in another plane and stop you damn she'd be good at cinemasins too and she's hot human being in a falling tank is better at shooting drones than drones are at shooting human beings also after this explosion face and the rest of the a-team are dead this is where the movie jumped the tank or drop the tank nato jump the tank nato whatever this is where the movie got so stupid that even the early scenes were laughing at it hold on hold on here people wait just no you over there you go call neil degrasse tyson right now i need to understand the physics of what's being displayed here because my inner nerd says this is impossible to achieve let alone survive it's too bad this phone number's fake because i have many questions and comments and if we kill this innocent german who gives a [ __ ] he's german church sweating like a whoring church cliche hello hanson i've seen this person before no [ __ ] you were basically following that [ __ ] around six months ago the movie made a big deal about it like you kind of knew he was a bad guy with whom am i speaking this is kept uh lieutenant sosa is this agent lynch the movie's gone to great lengths to show that not only do lots of cia agents go by the name agent lynch as an alias but also that this particular agent lynch is basically a ghost so how the [ __ ] did she manage to pick up a phone and call him based on a satellite picture of his face that reminded her of his name if you facilitated smith's escape and are currently eating and abetting him oh buddy i am going to have to go out of my way to disappoint you movie let's character speak forward in direct address to audience also jessica biel said this exact same thing to me once though i thought the request i had made was well within the balance of reason our surveillance has him in an unknown arab making regular trips from the train station to the bank obviously general morrison is confused for an unknown arab honestly did the military even check the remains of that humvee explosion at all i mean even if they didn't realize this is morrison they should at least be able to realize it's a white dude in an arab costume oh come on you want to go there skip in germany apparently you can climb out of cars with automatic weapons brandished and no one thinks it's weird here comes the arrow murdoch is on standby in a helicopter flying around frankfurt but apparently the city doesn't give a [ __ ] about rogue helicopters this movie is 62 cartoon [ __ ] like this they won't revenge on pike they even discussed killing him but no we're just here for the plates right now we'll revenge this dude later for some reason this guy is supposedly a top covert operative but he aims like a novice i'm a bad guy with everything to lose but let's drop the gun and fist fight this dude because machismo what the [ __ ] is going on you know who this is we all do kelsey grammer we all do hannibal just now put this all together i saw your tomb at arlington yeah about that how did you manage to attend the funeral after being arrested could you do that to us well morrison did this is an absolute total [ __ ] question from left field and good thing too because it eventually leads to hannibal figuring out dr house style that a drone is headed their way it looks exactly like call of duty doesn't it alright yeah except call of duty will tell you that you got the kill you actually have to verify that on your own in the real world get an agency scrub team out there and get me the goddamn plates back are you sure those plates weren't melted in the explosion i mean that was pretty stupid to do if the plates were anywhere inside that house yes we have weapons no you may not want us is that how that works kids don't try this at home even with a badge that's a tackling what do we do boss i don't know burdock i love it when a plan doesn't come together well that's kind of specific but still pretty damn vague the la docks aren't like a small operation or anything you want to tell me which slit maybe any [ __ ] from your end and that's it deal's off did we get him no why did you [ __ ] hang up you were the one that ended that call stupid lady don't be mad at your underlings or even [ __ ] hannibal it's all on you babe and you are a [ __ ] babe but still at fault here previously on the a-team so face gave her a phone and said hold on to it and that's the phone she's got sitting out on the table in front of her because it gets called all the time or what hello beautiful here's where the movie that delights in showing you the preparation and planning goes against type and hides a big secret from you solely because the finale demanded it rabbi binky rabinowitz what passport did i give you hilarious passport mix up from the team that plans everything down to the letter this movie does not give any facts whatsoever about what should happen what did murdoch have to call the matrix and download swahili into his brain took him so long movie unintentionally inspires entire expendables franchise with a few b-roll shots of a plane flying also many damn things anyway because overkill is underrated no no it's properly rated movies like this we're overkill like a badge that's why we can never expect more for movies even once called the a-team montage of you don't understand preparing for the final heist or standoff cliche then you put them on display for the whole world to see any questions yeah about a million at the ship no one discussed meeting at contact tower house and bow it's packing for rocking well there's no way you can see who's down here amongst the chaos fireworks exploding cars and other [ __ ] but sure it's back in barakas what is happening what is going on man would all the characters in this movie be good at cinemasins what the hell was that how the [ __ ] do you have any clue where that rocket came from or who fired it dude fired one rocket at the hall and now the ship is just spontaneously spouting secondary explosions whenever the script feels like it ba survives an unpredictable and catastrophic shipping container avalanche where does this dude keep getting extra rockets for this thing he stole that from one of lynch's soldiers after killing him did that guy have a stash of rockets next to him that pike is now lugging around all over the place ah what the hell let's put another mystery explosion on that boat two-hour supposed action comedy movie somehow makes itself feel longer than dr shivago how you doing handsome just kill him already you [ __ ] you're muay thais is battleship jiu jitsu then why did you get beat up the first time around unless you have a piece of paper that looks exactly like oh boy i sure am glad this character didn't care about got to shove those words back in his face murdock you scamp oh yeah there are actually four members of the a team we just haven't seen this one for the entire finale because the movie apparently thinks he's worthless i'm kind of surprised there's not another explosion happening on that boat right now oh [ __ ] they dragged poor jon hamm into this didn't they sorry and skip instead of just ending movie decides to rip off the girl law enforcement officer helps her prisoner lover escape ending from out of sight they survive as soldiers of fortune movie gives you the finger by first showing you a two-hour protracted origin story then using the end credits to show you how much more quickly they could accomplish that feat but how do you protect the face you don't mess with it kid murdock is nuts movie doesn't respect the original cast enough to give them cameos in anything other than pointless post-credit scenes an assumed on the charge of conduct unbecoming a united states marine the members find the accused guilty as charged i want her phones her computers any support packages she operates i want to know everything i want him dead i want his family dead i want his house birth to the ground trench oh this is embarrassing yeah sure is why does that never happen to me let me show you my plan for sending you home please excuse the crudity of this model i didn't have time to build it to scale or to paint it i'll pick up the rest i see that it had a certain panache that's what i'm good at not the work not the work the presentation

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 5,654,891

Keywords: cinema sins, a team movie, everything wrong with the a-team, a-team, the a-team, cinemasins, cinemasins a-team, a-team review, a team, cinema sins a-team, wave jockey job, everything wrong with, a-team movie

Id: H3N0ObC9klg

Length: 17min 7sec (1027 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 09 2014