Everything Wrong With Jennifer's Body In 18 Minutes Or Less

no no movie your star is a 21st century fox pov shot from the outside of a suburban house at the beginning of a horror movie cliche now how am i supposed to be frightened if there's a goddamn horse hanging out in the yard like it's a dog cursive this is an orgy of evidence that this is a troubled teenager's bedroom not only are there weird goth pictures all over the walls and juvenile pink pillowcases there's a fallout boy poster that thing knows what she does in the dark amanda spy friend hell is a teenage girl i mean you're right but it's the narration that's the real sin so that's going straight to hell welcome to needy's crafting corner in today's video we're going to unbox some sweet swag sent into the po box this month nobody seems to care that the statues can be used as weapons that the place is in absolute disarray or that combative murderers get special decorative treatment sub and click the bell for more ridiculous content i guess i'm not exactly perfect myself but at least i have my fans sure you were great in mean girls and chloe really who could blame you for doing mamma mia welcome to the mental olympics they're big on recreation here and slippers don't forget that they're big on slippers everyone with dialogue has them you know for a criminal psychiatric center the cafeteria options don't look half bad they've got lemonade pink lemonade what looks like orange juice and at least a healthy balance of protein fruit and vegetables you even get to wear the same thing every day spelling blonde without the e to create the proper sense of hopelessness the isolation room had to be only 96 square feet but at least 30 feet tall i wasn't always this cracked i used to be normal you can't fool me movie this is totally uh you're probably wondering how i got here cliche holy sh you can catch a double feature of baby mama and for getting sarah marshall at this theater am i not supposed to love this town leaving your mailbox open in a small rural town don't you know this is how birds build nests or snakes it goes into this hole and it doesn't come out waterfall dentata people found it hard to believe that a babe like jennifer would associate with a dork like me god damn it even the great diablo cody can't make this unbelievable oh yeah look at amanda seifert she's so ugly she's got glasses and a ponytail gag me with a spoon sandbox love never dies sure until you find out that a neighborhood cat has been using your sandbox as a bathroom and the crusty chunks you thought were in the box because of rain or moisture was actually straight up catch and then the love of the sandbox dies this indie rock band from the city i saw their myspace page yes the scene could be literally myspace pages but remember that it was quaint it wasn't a place where your great aunt could fire off racist memes and over-buttered recipes it was for real bands man tits were her trademark that's that's not how trademarks work needy quit tamponing yourself and get down here damn you movie for making me read all 13 definitions of tampoon in order to determine what jennifer thinks needy may be doing with her lady cotton it smells like thai food in here have you guys been [ __ ] that's racist you're totally jello you're lime green jello and you can't even admit it to yourself i love the empowerment of this movie but the inside jargon that's instantly dated is honestly just as egregious as swingers if at any point in this movie viewing experience you doubted the genre and this toilet will confirm for you that it is in fact a horror film also are they insinuating that the bar has one toilet for all this is disgusting even for a guy who can piss from a foot away and avoid touching almost every surface in this room but if this is the only toilet i find it impossible that there would be any female patrons two more months then i'm on the force for reals i can't really tell whether it's pre parks and rec chris pratt where he's heavy or post guardians of the galaxy chris pratt when he got ripped but either way this sudden chris brad is freaking me out these are like smart bumps i mean if you're looking for something that has an actual ability to explode you may want to aim a little lower how are you gonna get alcohol uh i'll just play hello titty with a bartender damn she pegged the female bartender's preferences lightning fast this girl is definitely a virgin i don't know well you know we didn't drive all the way out here for nothing villains loudly discussed their evil plan with an easy earshot of the protagonist cliche i'm not even a backdoor virgin anymore thanks to roman and by the way that hurts wow turns out chris pratt caused even more cinematic pain than letting jennifer lawrence loosen passengers gum chewers who does this [ __ ] think he is an nfl coach okay this is a really good song so i have to give it to this movie for like scott pilgrim versus the world having actually dope music on its soundtrack maybe it's the inclusion of johnny simmons that makes the magic either way go on and take a cinna who doubles i know the band's playing and everything but no one notices this fire until it's literally raining on top of them what the [ __ ] is this sign no id required in a bar is that legal i'd ask someone but all these people are about to die so at what point did jennifer succumb to the band spell during the song then why wasn't everyone in the bar under the spell like that scene in hocus pocus this guy survives until the very end of the movie this guy also the band seemed generally bemused about the giant fire in the bar did they start it if so why if not why aren't they completely unconcerned about themselves in their gear leaving your cell phone at home seriously guys even in 2009 this wasn't a thing i'm not dismissing the general trauma but needy didn't hear she ran out the bathroom with jennifer shortly after the fire started and had the powwow with oc in the parking lot did you get the making model i don't know chip an 89 rapist why the hell did you call chip if you're not gonna accept his help you could at least describe the van instead of resorting to sarcasm how the hell did jennifer make it all the way over here needy just got home and just talked to chip and she left around the same time as the van that took jennifer so the band had time to go out in the middle of nowhere perform the satanic ritual then jennifer had time not only to make it all the way out to needy's house she stopped to eat along the way i know she's a succubus but she ain't the flash [Music] market boston market how have you not called for an ambulance before now sure she looks creepy but she's also covered in goddamn blood and puking black sentient material what kind of friend is this also let me say that this part of the movie is legitimately creepy and the chemistry between the leads makes this thing super rewatchable take a sin back dammit are you scared is this really something a succubus would ask is she like pennywise where people taste better when they're frightened why do i have to be ugly ashley kids people are like oh look they've cared for each other for so long and i'm all like oh she's kissing kid blood and loving it let me know about that shot i never tell on you this movie plays with the theme that the power dynamic of friendships made in the sandbox ears will define the relationship forever i don't mind this i have friendships similar to this and it feels very real but if my sandbox pal showed up covered in blood yaking tar i would talk to an adult because that's not telling on someone that's saving someone's life i understand jennifer has had to put on appearances to be able to properly feed but why would she go back to school would a succubus seriously sit through a second period biology class i knew it was real i'd been up all night scrubbing the carnage off the linoleum rather than say pursuing my best friend who's covered in blood by the way that just walked out of my house after stealing my food and hork said carnage onto said linoleum to see if she was okay you know if the fire were this traumatic and losing eight students and a teacher definitely would be why didn't they close the school for the day i mean that stuff happened mere hours ago buttoning only this button on this shirt she probably just inhaled a whole bunch of smoke or something chips planing you come with me just for a little while it's what craig would have wanted i want to sarcastically say this works i yearn to say it i pine to say it yet i cannot for this is megan fox asking a young man for sex for the record though this comes out of nowhere and should immediately be highly suspicious but we all know the power of boners is greater than the power of common sense pop quiz which of these creatures would stick around for a fleshy snack after jennifer kills her victim anyone who chooses the year before would be an idiot but also correct because [ __ ] this movie do you miss craig of course well you're gonna see your buddy really soon geez might go to all the trouble of removing clothes and jerking this poor bastard off all she wants to do is feed and they're alone when i'm sitting down for a nice steak dinner i don't pause to jerk someone off and take off my shirt at least if i'm out do you want to knock your temple into an old school pencil sharpener because this is the perfect placement to do such a thing and perhaps you deserve it considering there have to be a hundred better places in the house for a pencil sharpener and then the window sill of the kitchen directly by the table for one day you're gonna be crying out for me and i'm like i'll be there this is basically confirming what happened last night right so this is back shadowing my point is what's the point oh look it's that scene that a million guys and girls whacked off to in the late aughts but actually contains zero nudity so here's a sin for all that skinless whacking see it makes sense that nobody would catch her because she took a dip in the lake to wash the blood off her body and her clothes are magically resistant to plot holes i am having the best days since like jesus invented the calendar if there's a debate to be had about whether or not jennifer is still human or all demon it's this moment right here a demon would never reference jesus they're not on good terms also is jennifer's best friend really not going to straight up ask her what happened last night even if she did disregard the whole chicken puke situation he could ask if there was any trouble with the band right ah still tastier than anything from boston market hang on there are multiple sirens going off right next to this park and these two are still making out god damn this town is horny open flames in the school hallway just after a major fire took the lives of 47 people in the town seems logical today is the one month anniversary of the tragedy at melody lane you know how most actors try an accent at the beginning of a movie that fades over time jk simmons does the opposite and gets hella minnesota the longer this movie goes another hour and he's going to be talking about snow blowers and hot dishes is everything okay no i feel like boo-boo hey why doesn't the movie ever address jennifer's feelings about the band that murders her throughout this scene as the teacher is singing their praises she looks like she's thinking about toast shouldn't she be furious vengeful or is she just a demon in a body and jennifer's gone in which case why is the demon acting like jennifer at all it's just wearing off or something okay jennifer killed a met the first night she turned into a succubus so she should have been well fed for a while but then she ate jonas the next day and felt great so the question is why the hell did she stop he's into maggot rock he wears nail polish mike is bigger than me why would she care about his interests if she's just needing to kill a terrified male there are males all over this school that she can pray on sure the movie wants us to feel an awkward growing tension between needy and jennifer but if a demon girl is hungry that a demon girl would eat i'll text you my address but how does she have his number in the first place also why is jennifer into guys that needy really likes it's not like an essential feature of a succubus right and even if she's trying to break up relationships there are plenty of others around yor holy [ __ ] this scene suddenly dutch angles so hard that i nearly lost my balance sure it adds to the ambiance but why spend this much on the lighting this love nest is way over candle especially since it's going to be over in a few seconds you can play mommy and daddy nonsense everyone knows parents don't have sex at least with each other damn this sex montage goes on for some time i guess i'm not complaining but it is technically sinful why does needy feel a disturbance in the force i know she and jen are good friends but does she seriously know what's happening now and if so why didn't it occur to her during the last two murders i need you hopeless damn i thought my college girlfriend was the only one that said that prior to cordis jump scares needy enough with the screaming you're such a cliche i'm throwing the flag on this unnecessarily quippy dialogue yes she has been screaming too much tonight but you also snuck into her bedroom and surprised her as she was trying to fall asleep follow your own logic movie we always share your bed when we have slumber parties do you also share showers no no not for that reason pervs presumably jennifer has broken into needy's house and cleaned up instead of you know gone home to dispose of evidence and retrieved her own clothing why is jennifer there at all pause for fan applause also i guess needy is still randy as hell but she does remember that she had a vision of blood earlier tonight and she also saw jennifer out in the middle of the road looking like roadkill right i have the cops in my back pocket maybe i'm [ __ ] a cadet remember i'm not entirely sure this is how you get the cops in your back pocket also evil dead poster in the background is extremely relevant to the movie but is needy the type of girl to have that on the walls of her bedroom i think not and those guys from low shoulder totally evil and yet i decided to tell you this much later than i normally would have we had a waxy moon tonight you guys just like the ritual set i would hope so did they not know this before they started this abduction i know they're the indie band but it would be extra if they waited until it was like waning or something do you want to work in moosehoof coffee forever i mean stop right there i was struggling with the plotline to kill a virgin to become the famous musician i can totally understand this new development working at moosehuff do you know how hard it is to make it as an indie band these days these days isn't the definition of an indie band the lack of opportunities to make it jenny i've got your number sure everything is laughs now but half these [ __ ] were super hesitant about doing this about two seconds ago we were gathered here to celebrate the life of colin gray damn how long has it been since jennifer killed this sucker did nida really not feel the need to report jen to the authorities in the meantime are they even investigating there has to be evidence somewhere she has at least three sets of blood soaked clothes and the mop nady used earlier is forever ruined with demon squirts so i did some research paranormal research oh so i can't find a copy of the adventures of super diaper baby in my library but books on the occult and satanic witchcraft are super easy to check out put a blade to the heart bleed to the heart is the surest way to kill the beast or really anyone right did you make reservations at the cheesecake factory excuse me what a cheesecake factory in a town of 7036 people a quick search shows the nearest cheesecake factory is five hours away in a town called minnetonka but they didn't open the restaurant until 2017. so who knows how far these dumb kids would have to drive to eat at a goddamn cheesecake factory and get back to prom on time the dance it'll be like an all-you-can-eat buffet i'm sorry but this demon girl has been attending school every day surrounded by boys how is the dance different because there are suddenly more choices that she can see all at once she's been discreet with each murder hell nobody even found a met chip it's not safe for us to be together right now make sense send the person you care about far away from you rather than keeping him close here's an idea get in the car and drive 17 hours to the nearest cheesecake factory for the night oh yeah remember needy's mom whoopi wastes a perfectly good amy sedaris by including her in roughly three total seconds of screen time i mean maybe if you get this upset putting on makeup just don't wear it also using your hands to apply your foundation isn't advised i don't have to know anything about makeup application to tell you that succubus hands are swimming with bacteria here's a baffling scene where chip walks to the dance despite the town being terrorized by a murderer this kid's mom handed him pepper spray and was all have a great time walking three miles through a dark ass park son she and colin were doing things that you have never even heard of okay total varsity moves dude he's a teenager with an internet connection ain't no move he hasn't heard of he may be basic in the bedroom but trust me he's well educated let's talk about needy's plan she breaks up with chip to protect him but doesn't check in on him the night of the prom to make sure he's not going then she gets all dolled up in this ridiculous dress not regular clothes because she wants to keep an eye on jennifer but she doesn't even track her to make sure she actually comes to prom so instead needy's been sucking down punch watching the band and doing jack while her erstwhile boyfriend gets succubused not only did needy get the force disturbance again she knows exactly where to go to catch jennifer in the act i have so many questions about this scene one how is there any water in this pool two chip and jennifer use the door but after this anyone coming or going opts for the branchy root slides coming from the windows why they don't lock the door to keep anyone out let's just avoid it from here on out three why is there any electricity to this building what dumbass is paying the bills for this place to receive juice i mean unless roots grow at an alarming pace this pool hasn't seen maintenance for at least 10 years four last but not least no matter your boner would you want to [ __ ] a dank and mossy hole like this i'm saying if you on a beach there's sand everywhere a cesspool it's the same thing but with microorganisms wait so needy took the time to pick up her sweater before she left the dance but is now throwing that [ __ ] away okay i don't mean to be a drag here but why isn't he dead everyone else got the got them open after 10 seconds treatment is she playing with her food needy hears her boo screaming all the way up at the pool house which is just as much [ __ ] happening upon the corsage in the park and knowing that it's hers he chucked her some mace you know rather than use it when he's being attacked brilliant you're a jerk even when we were little he used to steal my toys i mean god damn this kid has his neck ripped open and bleeding and his girlfriend is throwing insults rather than oh i don't know wrapping his neck or helping him out of the pool is this supposed to be funny this is funny right how could i ever be insecure i was the snowflake queen this dialogue is pretty hilarious but also the succubus has time for this isn't she in the middle of a [ __ ] meal i thought you only murdered boys i go both ways fantastic so why haven't you murdered any girls yet i got a damn one 20 20 women are like we don't need tampons anymore we have pixie cups and magical underwear made from space material but i guess i can understand how that sounds less punchy if she says anything besides [ __ ] i forgot to apply pressure to your gaping neck wound i'm adding 30 sins well what can i do i'm the center of my word i think i already died before you got here but i woke up when i heard your voice okay no need to run in or call for any help then no wait so jennifer fed on chip traded barbs with needy got impaled and went back home changed clothes and got into bed she's even marking up the yearbook why didn't she feed some more if she'd healed from the impaling i thought the problem was supposed to be the all-you-can-eat buffet this murderous rampage stops on a dime when needy grabs the bff necklace and i could not skip harder no your heart anatomy lessons most occult scholars don't know this but if you're bitten by a demon and you live you just might absorb some of the demon's abilities and yet nady hasn't used any of these abilities until this very moment also how do most occult scholars not know this this should be taught in like the third day of a cult class i'm following this rock band tonight's gonna be their last show yeah we get it you didn't have to slap us in the face with a sign signing skin instead of swag you know david hey you know what else we poke fun at music videos some shits have sinned too trust me and we're more than willing to point the counter at the taytes the beavers the billies and many more check out music videos in today [Music] look at that side boob this is my neighborhood this is my street what do you play wow um zelda tetris that's kind of a big question my name is bert macklin yeah i'm with the fbi who is this who are you trying to reach what number is this what number are you trying to reach i don't know well i think you have the wrong number do i it happens take it easy six years ago came across a kid in a practice room working on his scales he was early second year and he'd started at shaffer with a lot of hope friends rodents quadrupeds lend me a rears goddamn time traveling robots covering up their goddamn tracks i tried to tear it from the side i can't get a good grip here you got to do it like a bag of chips no well it's not just because he was like brutally murdered and stuff don't say and stuff take them to the posse look at me you have your mother's eyes

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,823,947

Keywords: cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, review, movie, movie review, mistakes, everything wrong with cinemasins, cinemasins sins, cinemasins jennifer's body, jennifer's body, everything wrong with jennifer's body, eww jennifer's body, jennifers body, megan fox, amanda seyfried, jennifers body reaction, jennifer's body full movie, horror, megan, fox, jennifer's, jennifer's body review, jennifer's body commentary, jennifer's body movie review, jennifer's body bloopers

Id: bNHjgJy8Ffk

Length: 19min 29sec (1169 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 01 2020