Every Man Needs To See This - Kyle Cease

the first like 15 years of my life i spent hiding and avoiding so that i didn't have to feel ashamed no matter how much foster dude no matter how much humiliation whatever there's some force in you that's bigger than all of the darkness you've been holding i want to say it and i'm starting to say it and before i even get to say it there's someone there who i can't identify saying no you don't you absolutely don't in a very angry in a very hateful way i deserve to feel good [Music] something i've struggled with forever and ever and ever i'm when you're asking about things today about fears health fears it's been like a lifelong fear of mine i was watching um hannah and her sister's last night and basically woody allen's character there's something wrong with me every every week um now there's never actually been anything wrong with me which is the irony of of all this um i don't smoke i don't drink i meditate 40 minutes a day been doing that forever i'm i've got lots of tools i i've tried to do a lot of self work but um you know to this day there i was woke up last night i'm like my blood pressure's high my poor partner rebecca i drive her crazy i'm like i'm dying something's happening and as far as i can kind of figure it out it's like the ego knows that's where he can hit me and it's just a cycle it's like i think i'm gonna die then i come out of it but i'm old enough to have witnessed this for like a really long time and no matter how much i meditate no matter how much i don't drink don't do drugs it just you know how much i exercise and i do all the right things it just doesn't seem to matter yes and you inspired me to speak up because um um you know it's it's yeah you just inspired me to speak up when you say it doesn't seem to matter what does that mean meaning i'm still sad on the other side i'm still so really it's really fear um it's it's it doesn't seem like it's just oh my god the the what-if thoughts the what-if thoughts the attachment to you know and then cycle uh what do you call them intellectually i'm like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah like you were saying earlier like hey i i need to let go um but what's your best what if like what's a big what if that kind of owns you like what if what what if there's this this is such personal stuff but what what the [ __ ] what the hell man um the what-if is like oh my god what if i need medication for the rest of my life what if i have diabetes and then okay i'll run it okay what if i don't what if i have diabetes oh my god no then that opens you up to a litany of like other health problems it accelerates heart disease it's just really the worst thing for you my dad's diabetic you know he's had all kinds of health problems but he doesn't take care of himself um so just kind of go go down that path of like what if what if what if and just double down keep doubling down on it awesome we'll take a deep breath and we're gonna we're gonna knock this out of the park today i can actually we're gonna have so much fun so what if you have diabetes like what's the answer to that what if you do well then i might have to go on medication and i'm not really a big medication guy hold on i'm with you right you i just want you to see we're gonna just i we're gonna if if i'm allowed in here we're going to liberate you big time today right i want you to notice one thing just right off the bat and i know we all have this in a certain way one thought is tied to a string of thoughts you're not just pulling out what if i have diabetes and feeling that it's like what if i also have to get medication and it'll cost that much and that'll be the thing and that right so diabetes isn't just its own thing right and diabetes needs its own compassion the first thought in and it's not just literally diabetes it's the first thought needs of of everything we feel needs its own feeling there it's they're all separated right so what what we have is a string of meanings right and this tells me that's probably i think of a lot of things right so it's not just what if she doesn't like me it's what if she doesn't like me and tells a bunch of friends and then they don't like me and then it goes like it's like i'm not saying that's the specifics but there's a string it's like i just see you know that like when someone gets just married and there's a string and there's a can and another can and another can i would love to separate the cans do you get what i'm saying like we pull out your oh here's the diabetes thing there's like a string attached to a longer thing so the reason you're having a hard time processing is because you're trying to process an eternal string as a way to not process in other words you actually create a long string as the method to not have to actually transcend anything it's like if you all are holding hands then i don't have it's too overwhelming for me to deal with but if i could i could be with one person by unhooking the them from the long chain then it's this thing so let me actually be there for just the fear of what if i have diabetes without even knowing the next thing that you've decided that it means right based on what you've seen right yeah does this make sense it makes total sense so let's just be there for the first space what if i have diabetes and i could i already know where this is headed i'm so excited about it um what if we're just that what if you have diabetes like if we cut off the next next thing right and how many things do you guys have they that that could fall apart like it's not just i'll go broke it's all go broke and be homeless it's not just and i'll live under that bridge and then i'll get stabbed by the other homeless person down the street and then he won't move out of his box and i will not be able to get a you know it's just like this hilarious long thing right but what happens if you just go with one thought at a time not the 70 thoughts right that it's linked to right what if you have diabetes let's just hold space for that well my first first thing that comes up is that well there's nothing there then well like well i didn't add any story to to it so like there's like there's nothing there right like i it's hard to explain but like right yeah i have diabetes that doesn't really do anything right to me almost so let me ask you this noticing that what is the reason for adding the story is it like i need to find suffering i need to find stress like it's it's like oh i it's not enough that just i the idea of having diabetes actually affect me you know so um i've i read your book once and and i'm reading it again because that's what you told me to do um and when you said that just now i'll find out later oh i i there's something there's for some reason i don't i don't think i don't think i deserve to enjoy anything and the fear the honest fear is that if i enjoy things too much someone or something is going to take them away so don't enjoy anything ever so we would rather not enjoy anything versus enjoy something with the risk of losing it yeah and i think the story is a means to not allow me enjoyment yeah so if i just say the two things and we just kind of consciously look at them really let's look at the choice okay i just don't enjoy anything or i enjoy something for a while i mean with that theory we can't go to disneyland right because someone will take it away you have to leave it you can't be in an apartment because eventually you're going to move out of it you can't have a relationship because eventually it will end one way or another eventually right do you do so let's just take in first of all i like there's five things that i have string together of how good this could get but like what if we're just there for a second for that the idea that we're missing out on enjoying something because of the belief that it should be permanent [Music] i mean are you going to be okay that this event will end this call will end i mean it's by the way it's not true with everything you're on this call with me right now yeah i mean i'm okay with that like i'm okay with it you're like well i don't enjoy you not at all um no i go out well there'll be other calls you know this is an experience yeah so what did it feel like to just realize that something will get taken away from me it was i'm it was a huge um epiphany for for me i don't know i mean like i kind of know why i think but i don't i don't necessarily know why but it was enough for me to go like oh like like no wonder like i just am terrified to enjoy anything to like and like i was like literally walk we have we have a beautiful little apartment in new hampshire and um like i don't even enjoy it like it's gorgeous but like i just like almost like refuse i'm like dude hold on like the stuff you're talking about in the book i was like let me just um so so let's say you enjoy something and it gets taken away from you and then what i don't know how we started the call and then what it gets taken away from you you have a really good relationship and then they leave you and then what you have something a magic taken away from you and it goes away and then what no nothing comes up for and then what okay so let's notice that right so it's d i don't even mean and then what is a solution i just mean that's not death if it's taken away right i guess i'm kind of like waiting for the bad thing and i'm just really kind of like well well and then nothing and then i'll probably find another yeah do you think you're waiting check this out do you think you're waiting for the bad thing or you're addicted to the bad thing because there's some kind of protection i can see that you create for yourself by finding the bad thing i think i'm mostly waiting for the bad thing but but you are for a reason well i believe yeah and and i think that reason is and i'm seeing that well if i endure if i endure the pain now it won't hurt me as much later so if i see it coming and i imagine it like if i like i do a thing where like like if i'm nervous about a situation i'll project myself into that situation and then start to ruminate on like how i'm going to behave what i'm going to say i'm like why why the i do that less and less but i still do it so it's almost like i'm protecting myself against something or lessening the blow somehow i don't know okay so what i want to offer you even though i know we really feel like it's us it's your pattern that does that it's not you you've what it's really well developed and you will swear that it's you but a pattern that you've had forever since you formed memory has done that not you right so what i want to do is create a space here to find what you are a little bit do you understand what i mean by that meaning like it's almost like as we talk about it what i'd love to do is also offer you to create three to five second gaps in between the thoughts because i noticed a string that's still there like when we saw the thing if that happens i get diabetes and the medication and then i don't have the right insurance and then whatever right they go on forever right but if i cut that off that's also a train of thinking you have too it's almost like i see you almost like creating bridges to possible you know what i mean like i corrected this because this looked weird so i corrected it to that but you're creating a bridge to a potential problem and all you're missing out on by doing that is the now because the now seems like it's scary to you but it's not in other words you actually feel safer with a circumstance getting pulled from you and you setting yourself up to prepare for that than just being here because here is more unknown you hear is it it's more safe and it's more magical and it's more incredible but it would be the death of that you that's looking over here to protect right so so you if you understand that you're only this moment then the you that's going over here all the time or over here all the time will have no identity right and in the past in your childhood you had to look ahead because looking ahead protected you not only from losing something but a ton of other meanings in your childhood right help me with that what am i seeing i can feel it take a deep breath in too and and as you tell me whatever is coming up i want you to allow five second gaps between them do you understand what i mean like tell me us to tell me what's coming up right now but i want you to feel what's coming up because we're going to hold space for that little boy together and you're perfect for this like you're wide open your consciousness is ready for it so tell me the first thing that came up when i said that i had to learn to avoid really well when i was a child take a deep breath in i love this yeah so you're being present with what you're saying right yeah so you're seeing him tell the story versus the him that had to avoid is protecting right you had to avoid to prevent what whatever you want to tell me but what did you what did you prevent yourself from was it getting hit was it getting abandoned was it getting yelled at rejected the main thing was that i wet the bed until i was like 12 years old okay and because of that i could never go on sleepovers and i'd always have to think ahead to some excuse as to why i couldn't stay over somebody else's house and then after i overcame that the universe brought me the worst body acne that you have probably ever seen in your life so bad that i'm permanently scarred to this day i'm okay with it now but then i had to think ahead to all the places where i might have to take my shirt off and dedicate a ton of energy to avoid all that so the first like 15 years of my life i spent hiding and avoiding so that i didn't have to feel ashamed love you brother i love you man you're very honest you're very after this i hear you when you had to can you think of a specific sleepover or a specific thing where you were almost horrified that you know that you have to prepare for what was the what can you think of a specific one that you remember i'm going to i will tell you the time so we're at a water park and i went with my shirt on to the water park to hide because i looked disgusting and we were waiting this is such a stupid childhood story but it's so true it matters don't judge um it's so real i'm there i've never told this story really i'm there at uh dorney park in wildwater kingdom in bethlehem pennsylvania in allentown pennsylvania and i have my white shirt on and my shorts were going to the top of this waterslide and there was a a girl i'm like 15 a girl i'm making eyes with the whole way up and we get to the top together and she's on one side i'm on the other and the lifeguard's like oh hey you have to take your shirt off because you can't go down the water slide with your shirt on because it's too dangerous and i took my shirt off and she looked at my shoulders and she was like she was disgusted and i was like i almost didn't blame her but i was like and then like i held my shirt and like crash down in the water and then like put it on right away um and that one left a mark because i thought i was prepared but i wasn't prepared and i was like you see you see you see you see see you thought you were ready you thought you could avoid you screwed up you didn't think far enough ahead you didn't think about that thing yeah wow do i love your honesty well here's something interesting for you despite all the work that i've done in the meditation i just did the ice bath in a shirt and for a similar reason i bet we had the same girl in her past because i remember i'll just tell you this so you don't feel alone in this there was a girl i liked so much i just graduated ninth grade or whatever she came to our cabin i had a big party right and i had a wetsuit on i might have told this on an aep call i had a wetsuit on and i was i was a big kid so i had this wetsuit on and i wanted i was starting to learn the knee board and i wanted to show off to everyone and kneeboard in front of her like kind of water skiing but kneeling and i'm behind the boat it took a while to get up i got up and then um late that night i'm lying down on the floor having a slumber party with a few of the friends and i was like i think that girl likes me to you and they kind of looked at each other and i was like what's wrong and they said she um said while you were knee boarding like you were too far out so you couldn't hear but she was just talking about how fat you were and what your roles looked like and how gross you were and then they went to sleep and then i just stared at the ceiling crying and i still wear the shirt right i did take it off after i got out but but i feel you like it's a thing right so we get to heal this together because that was what i did right before our call together right now we're two guys that want to be loved and are scared that our body has prevented us from being loved and i'll tell you first of all it prevented approval from the wrong person like she lost out on you right and i want to show you something when you if it's going to be almost hard to find but when you started saying see when after she judged you and you said to yourself see i knew we shouldn't have blah blah you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah that's a reaction to a feeling that that maybe you felt for one second meaning humiliated helpless useless worthless right and and what you've done is created an action so quick to not let that feeling be felt right so a lot of our powerful doing the more we're do the more someone does does does does it's because there's a deep-rooted feeling helpless abandoned rejected lonely shame whatever it is that they don't even know they're avoiding they just become action right so if i was to ask you the split second you felt her judge you before you even had brought up the see we shouldn't have done this the split second you get what i'm talking about yep what would you say the emotion was humiliation take a deep breath in i wanna i wanna let that all that stringing all the diabetes means medicine means blah blah is your way of avoiding humiliation you've created a powerful make it happen a void out of just the fear of avoiding that traumatic feeling of humiliation but today you're ready to allow humiliation so am i right right this place holds space for it you might notice they're all everyone's still here right like everyone on the call is still here our team's still here i love you even more as you shared that story with me and i bond with you on that story right so let's allow ourselves to just hold space for humiliation that was muted it said i feel humiliated and then you you basically created a character on top of it because the humiliation was so scary to feel that you were like see she shouldn't have so you shamed yourself you scolded yourself created a new a new okay from now on we really avoid i don't want to feel anything because it could be taken away and i will be exposed to my own humiliation which my body has falsely associated trauma to now right so i want to find a place in you that might feel when you said humiliation you found that for a second because you it's there still we're just i'm just taking the layers off that you've mastered to avoid that feeling right so where do you find humiliation in your body right now right here take a deep breath in and i'm going to talk right to that energy and i want you to talk to that energy because this energy is actually the the younger version of you at the water park and on other younger versions of you and this you now the 2021 you sitting here with the superman sign by behind you is going to say to the energy in your chest you are allowed to feel humiliated in my body hmm it's so weird because it's so much less painful to just feel humiliated than it is to fight it it's so much less right right the big thing we're scared of our preventing is so much more work than just feeling it right as you do this by the way remember that you're the one here in this moment and the pain will come up and sometimes be felt through the you in this moment and then sometimes you'll go back and forth so paying attention to your breathing this is why what joey's doing is so big too like paying attention you're breathing because that reminds you you're also the one here right so this you that's here is holding space for that little boy or how old were you at the water park it was like i was like 15 i think or 14 something yeah oh man the worst yeah right deep breath in do you want to tell it you're allowed to feel humiliated in my body how loud yeah just deep breaths for a second oh man yeah i love you brother we're right here you are allowed to feel humiliated to my body now take a deep breath in hmm uh you're allowed to feel humiliated into my body you're so [ __ ] allowed to feel humiliated into my body [Music] hmm i want to offer everyone watching right now notice how much louder silence is because we're all connected so what michael's purging we're all purging we're all carrying each other's baggage right so our collective suitcases just dropped a little through michael so all of us are feeling an opening as you're your brother i i have to share this so the thought was like like what came to me was like don't peek ahead because you'll ruin everything don't be dead and it's like i remember when i was a kid like i knew the christmas presents were under the bed i knew it i knew it and i went and i peeked i went and i [ __ ] peeked and i saw what i was getting so on christmas day when i opened the gifts that were given to me by loving humans i had to pretend as if i was surprised [ __ ] and if i would have just not peeked i wouldn't have had to pretend i could have just been surprised but i think i was afraid no i was selfish i was just being a selfish little kid i wasn't really thinking about anybody else's feelings i just wanted to know right then and there i didn't want to wait when you knew right the first time before you got before actual christmas happen were you excited and surprised i feel guilty oh oh i see i see okay i saw what i was getting and it was like a little like oh i'm getting this thing that i want but then i immediately felt i knew i [ __ ] up and i shouldn't have done that so had you not felt guilty were they actually gifts that you were really excitedly surprised about yeah okay so you're so your belief is the guilt overrides the surprise meaning yeah that because you could have also just seen them under the bed and been surprised and still faked it yeah yeah it just felt like it just it just i don't know it just felt i've been peeking ahead forever yeah yeah it's so interesting because once you allowed yourself to be humiliated it goes oh while we're unpacking here's here's a totally different memory i want to show you this now this is what's so beautiful it's like the way that you had the strings of the problems you can also have the strings of the release hey waterpark memory okay that scene you're allowed to be humiliated oh okay here's boom here's the story of this right so guilt is the emotion for that you looked under the bed and you felt guilty and so you feel guilty if you look ahead to anything yeah right now just so you know looking ahead is going to happen it's natural like a pilot has to know where they're headed right like there's some looking ahead having an intention but we've now linked guilt to looking ahead in any in any positive way weirdly you don't link guilt to looking ahead in a negative way like what if i have diabetes and have to get the medicine in no i've created the perfect living hell for myself it's like i i like look ahead because i'm afraid of what's gonna happen then i punish myself for doing that yeah so do you forgive yourself for looking under the bed weirdly i also did that you're like here to mirror me i i don't think i ever have yeah let's take a deep breath in forgive yourself you are allowed to forgive yourself for that i forgive myself for looking under the bed sure i mean on the highest level is it 100 factually okay that you looked under the bed sure i was a little kid right now how old were you then oh god it must have been like seven maybe something like that okay do you have any kids no not yet have you ever seen anyone else's six or seven year old that you love so much like just my niece and nephew yeah you if they did that what type of punishment should they be giving them nothing okay so why don't you get the same thing because i don't feel i deserve it well then you better make sure that's just better be a universal truth your six and seven year old niece and nephews better be punished if they get excited about the most exciting holiday in the world they if they get exciting excited about the most exciting thing i think it's cute that you looked under the bed i think it's adorable i was so sneaky about it i was so cautious to not like rip the tape and like to put it back good job good job you think you'd feel less guilty if you rip some tape i i don't know i if they would have known i would feel i think i'd have felt worse oh you know what you were really excited your excitement transcended your parents rules for a minute i just think that's fine maybe they needed to be less anal and learn how to hide their [ __ ] under the bed not the best place right why not on the bed we all know under the bed is where the christmas is he did fine he did the right thing in fact what he did set him up for today that was all linked as everyone getting that can you take in the idea that everything you've ever done that's coming up this weekend is linked to today even if you were seven just so you know the people in your life don't benefit from you being hard on yourself about that everyone the people in your life don't benefit from you being guilt by the way here's what guilt is i've said this before but i know you've kind of joined us more recently right so guilt is when you do something but then because you did it you learned why you shouldn't have and then the third you comes in and goes the first me should have known what the second me learned but you couldn't have learned it until you did it in other words all guilt is [ __ ] right it's just your mind saying i should have known this thing that i needed to do i should have known not to do this thing that i actually needed to do to learn not to do it so you wouldn't even have known whatever you felt about it actually you wouldn't have known what your parents felt about it did they so did what what in you felt you are bad for looking i i let's let's actually look at this seven-year-old let's make it another kid this other kid looks under the bed sees these christmas presents does it so beautifully and in his own heart gets excited but then feels guilty about it and then loves his parents so much he creates a fake surprised show to not hurt their feelings because he's more empathetic to their feelings and how he looks in that situation and wants them to know they did a good job at christmas and that he's excited what a what a loving kid i mean was his intention the best it could be he was just really excited he didn't want to wait dude when you're seven nothing matters but christmas i start i started planning it in february like it was just like oh it was like that like month before was like a year like now time is like a day a month's like a day it was like a year of waiting then lead up what were the presents i don't even remember that's okay this is curious yeah it was at my grandparents house and i think some of the gifts were theirs that they were giving me so it's like that extra twinge of guilt because they were so generous and so loving that i felt like i'd rob them of the opportunity to enjoy me wow you are an empathetic person to be so aware i'm robbing my parents of their ability to enjoy me opening presents i don't want to do that to my parents who are way more emotionally involved than me actually maybe they're not oh well this is such a beautiful release man you're you're unloading tons of suitcases we have to pay over weight baggage fees for these suitcases that you're you're dumping which is i don't you think it's weird i have this mug i don't think it's weird at all i'm sitting here talking to you with this like no mistake my parents this is a quit quit side by side story my parents had me stay with my grandma while they went shopping and i knew they were getting chris they said we're getting christmas presents so we want you to stay with grandma they came back i knew where they kept it right like they kept it at the top of their closet and this long line of stuff and they then picked me up from grandma's and in i thought they would enjoy it even if in front of them i made this joke that i sprinted right to their closet i thought we're all in on it and i'm being funny and i went and i just saw the lineup of the ghetto blaster i was getting and the huey lewis sports cassette tape hard to rock and roll heart and soul bad is bad i want a new drug working for a living walking on a thin line uh if this is it you crack me up and honky tonk blues that's how much i love that tape and i i went and i working for a livings on the first album that's wrong take jacob's ladder is the one replay now that's on four anyway my point is i look in the closet i see everything i come out and in my heart i'm almost bonding with them that like joke we do together or something they sat me down and were so mad at me and told me they're thinking of taking it all back i remember it 1983 because huey came out then was sports i think so 1983 so i was six maybe seven same stories man right and i i still remember it i was massively shamed for it my thing was wouldn't it be funny if i just do that in front i'm trying to make them laugh like i wasn't even about that to me our whole family was full of jokes so it was like a bonding moment to me and it turned into shame so i just felt terrible and um if vivi ran and found her present right now i would be like you get that and then i just buy her more probably right right so what are you feeling right now release release dare i say good you let me here's what you were saying tell me if i'm wrong am i allowed to say good yep will something get taken from me if i say good yep right check this out take a deep breath in i want you to say this i'm allowed to feel good i don't know why that's hard to say it's funny because in all of our transformational work we let people feel bad it's okay that you feel sad it's okay that you feel off i haven't even thought of what if you need to feel good hey it's okay to feel good you're allowed to feel good i'm allowed to feel good it's like i want to say it and i'm starting to say it and before i even get to say it there's someone there who i can't identify saying no you don't you absolutely don't in a very angry in a very hateful way and that's exactly what just happened i'm like i'm going to say it and no you don't don't how dare you don't you dare like it's it's go ahead what do you think that voice would do if you said it i mean it's very scared of you saying it it sounds like that any voice would lose its power if you said it it's almost neat you to believe you're not allowed to feel good otherwise that voice dies that dark voice that's so scary that i think someone brought to you that your body actually repressed i think that voice i don't know but i think that voice might be a literal memory that was so traumatic that that it was repressed and it lives dancing around you because i think your body stored it i don't know but that's just from my experience what i see and i'm experiencing where else would that have come from right and and it's saying without saying this it doesn't want you to know this but you own your owning your power everyone hearing this that that voice you owning your power it's almost like rumpled stiltskin like i gotta just don't say my name and then just like is it rumpled no you know like that's it's that's what it's gonna do it's like don't you dare because you have way more power than me don't you there don't you dare because good will kill me you feel that i do i'm ready to let this go hell yeah my brother you're doing heroic work today with us we're all looking at our big dark voice whatever way it comes it's just a little voice that says negative things or it feels like a physical person saying it hmm david i deserve to feel good say it again i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good yes i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good i can breathe i don't have to hide i can say it a hundred times i can say it two times it doesn't matter you actually i'm starting to feel you literally look different like there's an energetic field where your shoulders are changing there's something different i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good i deserve to feel good [Music] [ __ ] yeah i deserve to feel good nope nah man i deserve to feel good wow wow just out of curiosity is that energy that says you can't where is it right now is it on the [ __ ] ground in front of me and i'm looking down at him and he's looking up at the [ __ ] shock in his face he's like please don't [ __ ] hit me again because he's a [ __ ] bully and he's pulling me in and out [ __ ] that [ __ ] you i so deserve to feel good take a deep breath in yeah big deep one big deep exhale notice this piece that's holding you right now want you to feel whatever it is this mothering energy that's just surrounding you notice what your body feels like in this moment [ __ ] welcome to day one holy [ __ ] all i can say is i i literally feel like i've come out of a womb that was actually kind of like an exorcism like that voice that trauma that came from a repressed memory that you don't even need to know the specifics of unless it decides to tell you i know i think i know what that was but as you just said i i can't see it i can't see it but while i'm releasing things i'm like pretty sure it was like my my uh my friends have a foster father and something happened in his basement with he and i but i don't have access to what happened in here and i was like i don't know like like nine or so i don't know something like that but it's it's it's there but it's not there and when you said that that's the first thing that came up is it coming up clearer right now than it's ever come up no no i'm no there's no it's interesting there's no connection between that evil voice that told me no you don't deserve to feel good like it's not even that voice was not even a it was like a person but it was it was like a spirit it was a demon it was a [ __ ] it was a demon it was like a demon human that didn't really have a face but was clear you know what i'm saying like it was very clear what this person was doing but it was unclear who they were and um yeah so but so it's giving you the level of memory that it says you need to have meaning like it's the part of us that goes i need to know the whole story or i want to push it all away it just goes no this is what you know there was something that felt weird or that might have been weird with the foster father and it might go as your consciousness expands i'm going to tell you more but only because it's on its way out do you understand what i'm saying yeah yeah but as you say that about the foster father what do you feel in your body right now i deserve to feel good i like that answer it's like um i don't want to say mantra but like it's like a that's the thing like that's i don't know it was just it was like an exorcism like i don't even know where i was like three minutes ago man like i have no [ __ ] idea where i was i was here but like dude i don't know man like i was like i've had experiences in my life but but i i that was not this was i don't know this is something else well check this out so when we did this i want you to see layers okay so a first layer comes the humiliation of the water park and it goes oh now that that's gone i got another thing to show you that moment with the birthday or christmas presents under the bed right it goes there's a voice in your body that says you don't deserve to feel good you deserve to feel good that one was like that one was like right and now there's like this new place you're standing on that i still can see has a little bit of movable but i just want to first of all celebrate this and then under it there's this little gunk and i think it's the foster father thing okay and so what we do is we don't need to know specifics we see the energy there and if i ask you what the energy feels like when you were talking about the foster father what does it feel like like like i'm right back to where i was before i believed i deserved to feel good that's and just so you know you're not back to where you were you're just at a new level of breaking through you just cleared out like a huge chunk of it that's gone for good there might be some remaining lingering but this thing that's right here if i ask you said you're back to that i just want you to breathe in and bring presence to that energy okay bring presence to the energy that's thinking about whatever your opinion is or fears or oftness about the foster father situation right and here's what i want you to do i need to take a deep breath in and i want you to notice something everyone check this out when you exhale most of us only exhale like down to that there's like still 30 or 40 percent air remaining right do you know what i mean it's almost like we inhale and exhale between 40 and 70 percent right 40 and 60. it's like i really believe part of the reason is because this bottom 40 is almost the equivalent of the real darkness that we're really scared of the reason we're always chasing highs is because we're scared of the darkest dark places and we don't have to go through the whole walking through the foster dad's situation but we can just do this i just want to show it we see it and love it by this take a deep breath in and then i want you to slowly exhale till the air is almost all the way gone if not all the way gone breathe out and you'll notice that as you do that keep going you'll feel the darkness of of the experience get seen heavily can you feel that yeah take another deep breath in and breathe out all the way out all the way out notice you usually stop at 40 to avoid this right yeah see the tear that just came out just you're seeing it without even knowing the whole thing it's just like take another deep breath in and go all the way out everyone go all the way out just be there for the dark energy then usually you don't go all the way to right feel deeper in your stomach into the intestines you know right deep in there what are you feeling right now good i feel good oh yeah there will be i can feel there's going to be a little bit of remaining stuff that comes up and i and i want you all to know something sometimes the universe wants to purge stuff and you don't need to know all that specifics or you might see some specifics but it's while it's on its way out you might be like also this happened you're like oh my god right so if your mind is trying to mentally figure it out that's actually an avoiding tactic to keep it there your body is giving you what you need to know and so you you know there's something that could be anything from something really extreme to there's a weird feeling in your body about it we don't know the specifics and that's okay i even have that in common with you it wasn't the foster dad but it was a i was taking a piano lesson and then [Music] her husband had me do yard work i was probably that age too her husband had me do yard work and then i'm alone with him and he goes have you ever had a chinese massage i was like no then he goes lie down and he rubs my back and my butt and i don't know i was nine or ten and i didn't i didn't i felt something's weird but i didn't know and then i get in the car with my mom how was your piano lesson that was good and then her husband gave me a massage and my mom turned into miss piggies hey what and then i said oh i literally said oh no was i just molested and she goes yes and then she took me out of piano lessons i had to wait till i met with robin again to do this and robin has a but that's okay but my my biggest point is that we have the same story brother like we have three stories dude and we're here to release them man it's all it's like you're d you did such a great job and and what you're going to do is i want you to give yourself a lot of present moment love a lot of deep breaths out just to show the energy that you love it let me ask you this what about your original fear of diabetes i have no [ __ ] fear of diabetes what about buying medicine for diabetes no no that's ridiculous that's the stupidest thing i've ever said that's so stupid so is our fear really a real fear or is it a symptom of something we're covering up under the fear are you actually scared of losing the person going broke right or is it is it your avoidant tactic of a feeling i'm just scared to feel humiliated again oh wait i'm allowed to feel humiliated boom oh i'm scared to feel guilty for christmas oh i'm allowed to feel guilty boom i'm scared to feel good that was the hardest one and and it's amazing how like a comedy show you had a warm-up act you had like you had an opening act a feature and then the headliner in the opening act the water park the feature was looking through the and are you ready for your headliner all right bring in the weird dark angry guy that doesn't let you feel good all right you've seen him on the tonight show here he is i'm allowed to feel good ladies and gentlemen amazing release that does a 45 minute crushing set it was perfect and let me tell you something man this was a powerful call like you just i want you to see this too we aren't just one eight billionth of the planet everybody michael just raised the collective water level the collective conscious water level one of the biggest things the world is trying to do right now one of the biggest things the universe is doing is making us purge our past and if we stay in our in our character then we go down with it if you keep hiding the humiliation if you hide the ability to feel good you're going to defend the past and go down with it but what you did today was you backed up and you opened up and the universe goes cool now we can remove your past so now you don't go down with it and it goes into like there's a huge collective garbage disposal but when one person releases like imagine the whole water level rising not 1 8 billionth i mean it's like way higher and it's so much easier now because you're holding a higher frequency of light for all of us to release faster all of the world will be releasing faster because it's more and more obvious that our darkness has to come out but you're also creating a big open-hearted even bigger space for it to do that so it's almost like more of our darkness is coming more to the surface but it's easier to purge now like as the years go on it's going to be easier and easier for all the collective to purge their history that doesn't serve them anymore and so so know that what you did today was huge for the entire planet and you're going to see it mirrored you're going to notice people will be crying all around you this week [Laughter] why why do i mean because you're gonna bring love to them they're gonna feel freer right they've all been every person in your life met you with that same collective darkness right they all like anyone that came in you you met them when that dude in the shadows that was not letting you feel good was there so that's who you've brought in so many of those people will stay there and their darkness will become more obvious many of them will leave because their darkness is too loud and scares them and you're too light now or they will purge with you and imagine as you go they're gonna have to do this too right and so you're gonna notice a lot of people around you crying every time i cry i notice everyone around me is crying like if the bigger the huge cry huge release that other people are too because we're all connected so i want to do one other thing with you i want to do this with everyone because i know a lot of people were releasing during this right we all are shocked at how much value you just brought to our event how much release you just brought how heroic you were no matter take in who you are no matter how much darkness you faced there's a you that overwrote it and said i'm coming to this event i'm letting kyle call me on the screen i'm meditating i'm looking at that no matter how much foster dude no matter how much humiliation whatever there's some force in you that's bigger than all of the darkness you've been holding that's who you are not the story because the story has been purged and you're still here so you're not any remaining story either that'll be purged and you'll still be here right so what i want to do is just take 10 collective breaths that i want you to feel when you breathe in it's almost like we're going to put light into the areas that you just purge so imagine your body's got all these pockets like there goes weird dude on the floor's flapping around on the floor now okay there goes guilt for christmas all over the place right now your cells in your body need to be rejuvenated with something right so what i want to do is you're going to take in 10 breaths and i want you to picture light going into your body everyone do this 10 breaths and when you breathe out i want you to say out loud and everyone watching this call and michael too obviously say thank you ten times right so taking a deep breath and i want you to feel just light going into the body right we're filling it with something we're filling it with god we're filling it with now and on the exhale i just want you to say thank you doesn't matter what you're saying it to the universe the childhood michael who's been through the ringer you just purged some of thank you thank you yeah perfect you keep doing it in every deep breath breathe in deep and even when you breathe out breathe out deeper right to get to that deep place thank you beautiful that's three thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you i think that was time i want you to also practice that tonight i want you to totally not fill up with any addictive pattern tonight you know i don't just go online right after this or don't you know just watch tv you you have new things to just process and let god in and tonight when you go to bed like just hear the loudness of the silence you there's it's like a new day and the patterns still can exist in the wiring a little bit to want to refill and go to that addictive place but like all the sources of a lot of your addictions have just been purged out so we want to just keep not like just let yourself you know relax tonight let yourself lie on the couch let yourself just give a lot of thank yous to source for today give your give yourself so much compassion right because you're probably in the top three biggest purges i've ever seen like you and you know that was a really really incredible session and all of us are lighter because of it all of us are lighter how could that be we must be connected i can feel more because of our call i feel so much lighter yeah you're you also might notice different health things like if you happen to have any rashes now or anything they sometimes are just resistance to a stuck pattern yeah right so you being here and releasing and all this stuff could like end a couple like i don't know what anything is but like back pain or bloating or you know what i mean different things like that that can occur because it's stuck energy and trauma but you just really because you meditated earlier and where you were were ready for it you created a space that was ready you did almost an hour meditation earlier right and you created the space to release all this and it was just it was beautiful it was beautiful can i share my favorite moment it was like one of the most terrifying things i've ever done when i i decided that i was going to get over this today here with you i was like i'm i'm doing this now i'm going there and i did not want did not want any part of that and like like the strings were pulling on me like they were like no no no no no no no don't go over there like don't go over there but that moment of like and i did not want to do it but i'm like i'm going to [ __ ] do it it was it was probably one of the scariest things i've ever done and i've done scary [ __ ] it was incredible and it in that choice like it's almost like the strings of that no like it turned you into butter who's just like i can't grab him anymore i'm choosing i'm choosing to feel good i'm choosing higher it was insane it was amazing [Music] you

Channel: Kyle Cease

Views: 22,008

Rating: 4.9525318 out of 5

Keywords: Meditation, Kyle Cease, Evolving Out Loud, How do I, How do you, Motivational videos, Motivational Speaker, Comedy, Comedian, Funny videos, best video ever, inspirational video, breathwork, personal development, spirituality, consciousnesses, how do I love myself, learning to love myself, darkness, collective consciousnesses, collective darkness, fear, love, trump, biden, election, fox news, tesla, wayne dyer, trauma, guilt, shame, humiliation, exposing, every man needs to see this, meditation

Id: Hx1LLTBm8-8

Length: 73min 4sec (4384 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 09 2021