And I love going to my white friends' houses. When you go to white people's houses and tell them that you like something, they let you have it. (audience laughing) And I've got a lot of nice stuff in my house. Try it. Just go to one of your white friend's house and be like, Bob, that's a nice painting. "You like it, Drew? "Take it." I think I will, Bob. I think I will. (audience laughing) Take that painting. And that's a nice lamp, too. As a matter of fact, all this stuff is nice, Bob. I like all this stuff. Back the car up. (audience laughing) So I'm at the point in my life where there's things I do with my white friends, I don't do with my Black friends, and vice versa. I'm not mean. It just comes from my experiences. If I'm out drunk, I like to be at my white friend's house. White people make you pancakes in the morning with whipped cream, strawberries, chocolate chips, and I like that. (audience laughing) Black people are not going to make you pancakes in the morning because they really are not prepared for you to stay. White people have extra bedrooms, extra pillows. They'll take your shoes and your keys from you. "You're not going anywhere. "Go upstairs, the first bedroom "on the right. "There's a dresser in there. "There's pajamas. "Put those on. "Those belong to Dave. "He's dead. (audience laughing) "Get yourself some rest, "and I'll make you pancakes "in the morning." And I'm like, I'm just glad me and Dave the same size. (audience laughing) People think we're so different, but we're not. It's just little differences. Like, white people, you're prepared to be drunk better than we are. I used to think you just like to do a lot of outdoor activities. That's why you have canoes on the top of your cars and mountain bikes on the back. And then I realized, that's not what it's for. They're prepared to be drunk. Talking to one of my white friends the other day, I said, what did you do last Friday? He said, "man, I got so drunk, "drove my truck into a lake. "I just got in my canoe "and paddled the rest of the way "home." (audience laughing) And I'm like, I would have drowned because I don't have no canoe on the top of my car. (audience laughing) We say different things when we're drunk. If I was hanging out with a couple of brothers end of the night, you could hear things like, "you got your license? "You got any warrants? "Take the bullets out the gun." (audience laughing) White dudes, you say stuff like "if the moose in the road, "I'm riding it." (audience laughing) This is a true story. I heard there was a party in Wisconsin. I'm like, I'm going with these dudes. I've never seen nobody riding no moose. (audience laughing) Like, hold on, fellas. I'm coming. Let me get my hat. (audience laughing) White people that got houses with three garage doors. That's where you keep your spaceship. (audience laughing) A lot of people don't know that. They think it's for golf carts and boats, but that's where you keep your spaceship because you're going to leave Earth and go to another planet, and I'm coming. (audience laughing) I try to tell my Black friends all the time, you need white friends with spaceships. (audience laughing) White people are cool, but they're only going to take one Black person per spaceship. (audience laughing) And I don't want to be the only Black person on the new planet. (audience laughing) Somebody's moon rock come up missing, here we go with this BS again? (audience laughing) I didn't come here for this. (audience laughing) You guys are awesome. (audience laughing) It's true stuff. (audience laughing)
