Welcome back to the Gentleman’s Gazette! Today's video is about dining etiquette before
and after the meal. This video is part of a series of etiquette
and if you haven't already done so, please check out our table manners 101 guide, here. So you've been invited to dinner or you have
invited someone and there are certain rules before and after that are just as important
as the table manners you display during a meal. First of all, you should reply promptly to
invitation. In the US, it's also called RSVP which stands
for repondez sil vous plait or please respond. Traditionally, you should respond in the same
way you receive the invitation. So if someone called you, call back. If someone actually wrote you a card or a
letter, you should write back. At larger gatherings usually asked to respond
by a certain date and you should definitely not miss that line. If nothing is indicated on invitation, respond
in a timely manner. If you're not sure about it yet, just give
it a few days but not longer. If you already know whether you can or cannot
make it at a certain date, get back to them right away because the sooner they know, the
better they can plan and accommodate you and what you need. Once you've replied, add it to your calendar
so you won't forget it. Note, the invitation is only ever for people
that are mentioned on the invitation. By asking them if you can bring friends or
your kids, you may put an unfair restrain on them because they may have budgetary reasons
not to invite more people or they may not like others to be there so, just be polite
and respect their wishes. On the other hand, if it's an informal invitation,
let's say a barbecue at the neighbors, it's totally fine to send them a text or call them
and ask who exactly is invited. Children can always be tricky because on the
one hand, they're part of your family and you may not be inclined to pay for a babysitter,
at the same time, it's best to assume they're not invited. If it hasn't specifically mentioned children,
look at the time of the event, a cocktail party likely is not meant to include children,
a brunch, on the other hand, maybe so. In any case, if you bring your kids along,
make sure to know proper table manners. To learn more about that, please watch this
video here. If you suffer from any food allergies, you
should tell the hosts in advance, otherwise, they may prepare a meal and not be able to
change and accommodate you on the spot. If you have a special diet that's not medically
prescribed, such as the Paleo diet, it's quite impolite to ask the host to accommodate that
because there may be other people invited. Maybe you have actual allergies such as gluten
intolerance, a seafood allergy, and if you also have requests, at the end of the day,
the host may narrow down in the portfolio what they can offer. So if you're truly not open to any other kinds
of foods, not even willing to try a little bit of something that isn't maybe not something
you like, then I suggest you rather decline the invitation, otherwise, it will create
awkward moments and people will be maybe irritated about you. You should always keep your commitments. Not only does this reflect poorly in your
character and people may consider you flaky, but the host and or hostess have gone to incredible
lengths to accommodate you, they went grocery shopping, they made a meal plan, they invested
in their liquor cabinet, in their wine selection, and they just made a huge effort, so just
not showing up is extremely disrespectful. Cancellations for anything other than medical
emergencies maybe deaths in a family, or other serious reasons, are simply not acceptable. If you ever find yourself in a situation where
you have to back out of an invitation, always give a reason and apologize. Don't just say I can't come because that is
extremely rude. Generally, it's a good idea to confirm the
invitation, the date, the occasion, and the time, just a few days in advance to make sure
everyone is on the same page and no one marked it wrong on their calendar. If you are invited to a dinner party, maybe
a barbecue, or any other kind of informal arrangement, you should always offer to bring
something. Only ask if you're actually prepared to bring
what the host requests from you. Most hosts won't ask you to bring six bottles
of champagne but if they do and you don't bring it, it makes it look extremely cheap. Also, be considerate and never create more
work for the host. True story, once I had a guest and he volunteered
to bring something so we asked them to bring dessert and they showed up with a box of brownie
mix. What am I supposed to do with that a day off? I don't have time to prepare dessert it has
to be ready. If they say don't bring anything at all, then
you should definitely bring a gift such as a bottle of wine, maybe some chocolates, or
flowers. If you know the host and hostess pretty well
or you know if they have a specific hobby or something small that they would particularly
like, it's a very nice gesture of you to accommodate that because it makes them feel special and
they can see that you put effort into it. You should never assume that a six-pack of
beer or the wine you bring is for your own or for immediate consumption, it's a gift
and that's it. If the host decides to open the bottle, it's
up to them, but you should never expect that in any way, shape, or form. Always make sure to arrive on time which means
you show up exactly the requested time or about 5 to 10 minutes later. Never show up earlier because everyone who
has ever hosted a party knows that there's a lot of work to be done and if guests show
up early and you're not done yet with your preparations, it's frustrating and it's just
hard for you to manage with your time. So don't be that guy who shows up early. If you're stuck in traffic or you know you're
gonna be late in 5 or 10 minutes, call ahead, let them know and don't just leave a voicemail
or a text. Make sure they get the message because otherwise,
they may have food that will be bad by the time you arrive and it doesn't just affect
you, if you have to eat a well-done steak but also as the host or hostess, you're embarrassed
and you feel like your investment was wasted if someone just shows up and the food is not
good anymore. Many restaurants won't seat you if show up
more than 15 minutes late and even a home-based setting, it's just impolite and rude. Once you arrive, you should always greet the
host and a hostess personally. Ideally with a handshake or a hug depending
on what culture you're in. If other people are invited that you don't
know, a good host will always introduce you to each other and he will always try to point
out a similarity so you have a starting point for your conversation. Unfortunately, not all hosts do that. In that case, introduce yourself in the same
way you would, otherwise. Once the meal is over, they may be leftovers. If you're at someone's home, you never ask
to bring anything home even if you brought the dessert or the salad, you just leave it
there in its entirey. If it's a bowl or a tray that you're particularly
attached to, you can get it back at a later point in time but don't create extra stress
by having the host clean your bowl so you can take it home right away. If at a restaurant, it's a little different. If you are in Europe or in a business meeting,
I suggest you don't ask for boxes because it may come up as awkward, otherwise, in the
US, in a more social setting, it's perfectly appropriate to ask for a box to bring your
leftovers home. Who pays the bill? If you're the restaurant, It can be a little
tricky. In countries like Germany, if someone specifically
invites you, it implies that they're going to pay for the meal. In the US, it's a little different because
it only implies that your presence is welcomed, not that your bill will be paid for. Unless someone specifically says “let me
buy you dinner”. Don't assume that someone else will pay for
your meal. In more ambiguous situations, let's say at
a business meal, the person requesting the meeting should always pay for the dinner,
of course, if you're a business owner and a customer requests a meeting, you as the
business owner should pay for dinner. The worst thing you can do is to argue over
a bill at the restaurant. Sometimes people stubbornly insist on paying
the tip and it's a long back-and-forth and that's almost worse than if you would just
pay the entire bill or nothing at all because it creates a negative vibe. In social situations in the US, you should
assume that you pay for what you consumed, on the other hand, if you go to Italy, it's
very normal that you just split the bill evenly by the number of heads no matter who consumed
what. If you splurged and added caviar for an appetizer,
the champagne, or the Kobe beef, you should never offer to just split the bill evenly
because that would mean other people have to pay for your luxury expenditures. Finally, let's talk about the departure. It's always impolite to leave a party early
or right after dinner because it implies that you're just there for the food and you're
not interested in the company. At the same time, don't stay too late. Look for cues of the host, are they may be
yawning because they're tired, already starting to clean up and doing the dishes, or staring
at their watch many times, or maybe have they stopped serving drinks two hours ago, that's
the case, it's time to leave now. I have been the host for a number of times
where people really didn't get the cue in that case, I had to say you know, I really
have to get up early tomorrow morning, so it was a pleasure to have you but I must go
to bed now and that's when I understood it. Usually, you'll never have to go through those
lengths because people will get your cues but if you have to say something, be polite
and friendly. No matter if you're at a party with a hundred
people or at a small intimate dinner, you should always personally say goodbye to the
host and hostess. It's quite rude to just disappear and people
sometimes think “oh I don't want to disturb them they're just in conversation”, if they
are, just wait, stick it out, and say goodbye personally because otherwise, they will always
remember you in a bad way as the person who just leaves without saying goodbye. If you're part of a smaller dinner party with
maybe four, six, eight, or ten people, you should always say goodbye to everybody. Of course, in a larger party, it's not feasible
to shake 200 hands and so it's okay to just say goodbye to the host, maybe the people
you had a conversation with or the people you know very well. In a business meeting, that means you shake
everyone's hand. If you're in Germany, it also means you shake
everyone's hand no matter if it's business or social. In the US, that's not necessarily the case. If you enjoyed your evening, you should always
return the favor and invite the host and hostess to you. It doesn't matter if you think you can't cook,
you either come up with an idea or you invite them to a nice restaurant that you like and
pick up the bill, it's just a way to show them that you appreciate that they invited
you and that you like to hang out with them. If you never invite people back, eventually,
they'll stop inviting you and that will be the end of the relationship. Also, don't come up with cheap excuses along
the lines of “oh well, what could I offer them that they don't know or they don't have?”,
even if they're in a completely different pay grade than you are, they will always appreciate
a sincere invitation and you can have great meals on a small dime. Just make it special, make it yours, and they'll
appreciate it. If not, maybe they are not the right people
to hang out with in the first place. If someone invited you to their home, it is
nice to invite them to your home as well. Again it doesn't matter if you live in a much
smaller place and it's not as impressive what counts is the gesture. Last but not least etiquettes are different
in different cultures and countries. If you're traveling to a specific place, make
sure to look up common habits beforehand so you know what you're getting into and you're
not being perceived as rude. in today's outfit I'm wearing a blue and red
dominated combination it is a double breasted navy blue jacket which is part of a two-piece
suit but here I'm wearing it with a pair of seersucker pants the shirt is light blue with
a rounded club collar and a pin hole for a silver collar pin. I chose silver because it goes well with my
lapis and sterling silver cufflinks as well as with my sterling silver and lapis ring
because I have a solid jacket and solid shirt I opted for a wool grenadine tie by Fort Belvedere
which is burgundy red blue and off-white material is slightly thicker and so I used a four in
hand knot so it's small enough that it can use it with the silver collar pin you can
find both of these accessories in our shop here for my socks I went with royal blue over
the calf ones from Fort Belvedere they have little clocks in red and white which picks
up the colors in my pocket square. Overall, you can tie up everything together
for a very harmonious combination my shoes are Derby shoes on a Parisian style in a oxblood
or cordovan red which again works well with a pocket square as well as my tie because
my pocket square was a little darker I opted for a Edelweiss boutonniere which is a special
accessory that really adds another layer of complexity to your outfit to learn more about
boutonnieres please are check out our boutonnière guide and for a selection of over 40 of them
head over to our shop here if you enjoyed this video please check out the others in
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