Ethan Klein Gets Roasted By His Crew

you guys want to roast me yeah let's do it let's go baby let's do it hey ladies and gentlemen welcome to the birthday roast of ethan clive [Applause] so uh we have a lot of guests uh lined up but um the crew here is also gonna do a few rows and um nobody wanted to go first so i will so i'm going to kick things off right now what's up thank you dan all right we have dan the producer walking over shout out to dan he made internet history today alongside of duncan dan was the one who brought up the whole uh debate sam cedar meme yeah i'm trying to do a dance job i don't know how i'm doing good job dan are you almost there i'm freaking out freaking out you're doing good thank you thank you i can relate why are you saying no ian i heard a big no they weren't on it first okay you step away for one second everything falls apart back there all right all right so i'll kick us off ethan thanks for letting us do this it's uh it's pretty big of you to let your employees roast you you know it's a little intimidating roasting your boss you know uh you don't want to go too far and have them hold it against you but thankfully i don't have to worry about that because ethan's got the memory of a brain damaged goldfish so uh this will all be forgotten by tomorrow you know we're good but even by the grace of god you somehow uh retain some of this by morning i i know you won't be mad because ethan's a great guy you know and an even greater boss it actually it really upsets me when people talk [ __ ] about you oh yeah for example um that gutter spawn crowder the other day said something about you having no chin made some comment about having no chin yeah i mean that's not even a good insult i mean if anything your problems you got way too many right oh you're pretty much just one big chain yeah you're right but it's uh you know it's not just your repulsive physical appearance that these jerks go after it's not just that a lot of the a lot of it's actually a lot more insidious than that sometimes it's outright anti-semitic like a lot of these pricks say that ethan is this evil genius you know that he's a greedy jew filthy rich he throws around his money to pull the strings behind the scenes and youtube you know he tries to ruin his enemies but uh let me tell you that um i'll spill the [ __ ] beans on all of it if you don't pay me one million dollars today okay this isn't a [ __ ] joke yeah let's talk about it after the show okay all right all right i'm about to drop the protocols of the elders of youtube i'll pay you anything okay over the last four years we've worked together you've taught me a lot about what it is to be a leader you know if there's one single quality i can point to that you've always been a shining example of it's your decisiveness you know you lock onto what you want and you just you go for it and that's that's awesome like when you decided to launch a brand new series called make ethan laugh and we slammed and pulled it together in 48 hours and then uh you decided to cancel make ethan laugh a week later just after one episode you just you just went for it you know what you wanted you just went for it or when you decided to move the podcast to your basement because of covid or when you decided to move the podcast back to the studio a month later or when you decided move it back to the basement again two weeks later you know you just you lock on to what you want you just we got to do it or when you wanted to radically change the content on the channel start making h3 video kind of thing and you know and then the next day you delete the video and you take it down it's just like you know you decisively decided you know you hate it you never hesitate but um that's the thing despite your many many many failings um you're dependable you're you're you're a rock-solid guy like how i can feel confident that i'll slather mayo on my bald head if you drop below 200 pounds i know i can depend on you to never let that happen so thank you and you know what else i can depend on is you to deliver to me that money in cash by midnight tonight or i'm ending your [ __ ] career all right but what's best about working for you ethan is you're smart enough to know when to listen to me like when i told you not to pay for a pay-per-view event you know you're smart and but but moreover you're also smart enough to know when not to listen to me like when i said frenemies would probably end in a giant train wreck and well it doesn't really matter what happened with that right yeah um you know in closing i just want to say that i would love to see i would love to see ethan try and survive in the current landscape today like the content he was making before would never fly on youtube today and you know you have to adapt you have to overcome to the fact that like you can't even curse now like i don't even know dude love you ethan happy birthday and i'll take the money in our mark 20s all right thank you dan wow that was great we got a lot of stand up comedian over here unpack that dan is anger adult dan that was good i have no comments next up we have ian the salaried employee oh i don't believe that shredder kill him before he gets to the mic you gotta show your outfit you gotta get the hole all right oh no is this is this thing on this time ian's gonna get me so good is it too low for you do you need little adjustments i got it we got a snap crew here yeah ian needs lots of adjustments and not just his microphone okay okay i'm not i'm not trying thank you all right all right i'm i'm trying to ins i know it's coming so i'm insulting you before it does well we were told to dress up for this event so i figured i would dress up as much as i've ever seen ethan dressed up which is which is literally this [Laughter] can i say something yeah i roasted myself so hard because when i saw you this morning i was like what is that why are you dressed like such a goon yeah and that's the same [ __ ] outfit i wear there you go at first you were like well oh you kind of you and then you came back you're like that's kind of a cool outfit to try and challenge it a little but no no no it's kind of crazy because next door we have this massive warehouse with like the coolest clothes you could possibly imagine and yet like this is what we get like how does that happen i don't know you look like like a kid from the sandlot that like grew up and got like lost in a ketamine hole or something jesus so yeah like it's kind of funny how a guy who spent so much time calling out predators works so hard to dress like one but like at the end of the day ethan does a good job because he's always in the teddy fresh and he shows that even if you're shaped like a waterlogged bowling pin you can look good a waterlogged bowling pin i love that uh i'm pretty sure ethan like was like you've built your life around like the movie big i'm pretty sure you sound like a zoltar machine like you were a kid that wished to to be an adult right because like you stay up all night playing video games you want to eat pizza like for every meal you ignore responsibilities all the time and you have to have a family member dress you and you can't even wipe your own ass like the toilet has to do it for like if anybody finds like the zoltar machine please email dan because i think it's time to change him back get that going careful what you wish for you'll be out of a job if i turn into a 12 year old i was looking back i was looking back in preparation for this and it's kind of crazy that we've known each other four years wow it's been four years and i looked back on the first episode i ever worked on which was h3 podcast number 24. it was titled we won the lawsuit so it was pretty yeah so it's it's pretty fitting that the last episode i'm ever going to be on is going to be titled h3 podcast we lost the lawsuit i hope not now you know congratulations on yet another birthday ethan you know 30 whatever the [ __ ] i don't remember six 36 okay i'd toast in your honor but the last time we had hard alcohol on this show it didn't go so well we'll keep it light today and unfortunately i don't have time to fit in everything i'd love to say in this roast up here so you can't find the full version if you just go on youtube and search the name goku naru oh yeah [Laughter] that's painful you know the the h3 podcast it's something special it's the h3 podcast kind of reminds me of dogecoin where it's built off of the back of a dead meme and you just think that it can't possibly sink any lower and then with each additional day more and more lives are ruined the longer it goes on no and we've done so many episodes we've covered so many things on this show a lot of times we cover politics and sometimes politics looks positive like we're heading in a good direction i feel good about where the country might be going and then the vape nation guy pulls up in a rolls-royce and i realize oh my god we are [ __ ] the experiment is over and uh you know it's not it's not all bad though it really isn't because ethan does a lot for us here at the show um for example i spent the last like five or six months looking like the botched jesus restoration painting like my beard was really bad i look like you know woolly willy with pubes and yet i get to stand next to ethan klein every day and it's a reminder that things could always be so much [ __ ] worse that's my self-esteem you know thanks to a lot for that you're welcome now having said all that this is a very wholesome place to work it really is i'm i'm so thankful to be in a place that is so stress-free really um it's just such a peaceful work environment i mean you know except for the occasional fight keemstar mike majlak ryland adam oh no you got a whole scroll shane dawson dixie's emilio can you flip yeah yeah it's a little long charlie dimlio jason nash david dobrik james charles austin mcbroom philip defranco the quartering tana mojo bryce hall cali paytas trisha paytas pro jared you know i don't think i have enough room on this oh no he's got the secret scrolls holy [ __ ] jeffree star here by j the entire bts fan base uh leafy is here steven crowder lil tracy interesting logan paul jake paul greg paul the trailer company jeff whittick joe rogan infowars scottie sire patrice o'neal ricegum the fine brothers matt haas the prince family gilbert sam tripoli gabby hannah some ordinary gamers anything for views oj simpson nikita dragon dave portnoy craft mayonnaise pyrocynical the michael jackson estate soflo antonio lance stewart fouseytube anybody who likes bollywood and then right now asked to roast ethan this is what happens while i'm not switching oh man and then after all that i mean frankly me to be honest uh we've had we've had some beefs here but you know that's a lot it's a lot of click bait behind me a lot of clickbait hey come on someone's got to pay the bills around here yeah but at the end of the day ethan you know i want you to know that you'll always have at least one fan you always have one fan by your side let me guess it's not yet it's obvious but i'm assuming and i want you to always keep that in mind so happy birthday ethan i i really do love you i do and to celebrate this i got you a gift i got you a gift card for sharkies wait wait wait wait wait you didn't it's a gift card in there it's a little you couldn't even drop you could even drop for the real gift card we'll take care of that later i got to get the company card first right it's uh it's a five dollar gift card five dollars off five dollars it's a dollar for every percentage point that we never saw oh come on so buy yourself half of something nice and uh here's to many more so cheers ethan thank you ian wow ian you [ __ ] my you got me good man that was brutal i knew ian was gonna [ __ ] me up i wasn't ready for that [Music] wow is this a real gift card ian we'll talk about it later looks legit uh yeah so i was uh a little bit worried that i might go a little too hard but when i heard ian mentioned canaro's like never mind i'm good so oh come on is your ass clenching again you thin my ass is nice and loose i think the hardest part for you is probably not interrupting us as we're talking maybe yeah that is hard so yeah this is nice for once i get a chance uh to roast you in front of a live audience i'm honored to be here today to roast my third favorite youtuber i'm sorry second i forgot you canceled uh david anyhow it's good to be here uh i'm sure a lot of the audience is looking at me and they're like oh the suit kind of reminds me of content court you remember content court right the the show the audience loved and we canceled what why why do we cancel it again was it to focus on front of me so anyway oh was it a focus on your enemies i've heard a lot of people today make fat jokes honestly who has time to waste time on fat jokes there's so much to say about ethan um like for example ethan is the type of guy who thinks money equals intelligence just because you're wealthy now doesn't mean people want to hear your half-assed political takes oh i'm sorry i'm just being honest nobody wants to hear about politics from a guy who can't even pronounce the word politics you need to let your dreams be in a political commentator die dude you got famous off of videos with titles like shake your dick that video did not make me famous for the record and while we're on the topic of you being famous do you ever imagine what your life would be like without youtube oh yes for the first time in history people like you have the opportunity to be famous for talking out of their ass if you were born a few years earlier do you know what you have been doing probably nothing you'd probably just be a hater no i'm kidding that means i'm sure i'm sure you would have found your calling i'm a professional hater now maybe it was a normal hater before yeah sorry you're fine you're right you were right yeah yeah i knew about that uh hey uh you know maybe you could have started a business called ethan's tiny hands oh my come on where people could have hired you to grab tiny things in small small spaces that normal humans can't lucky for you we live in a digital age and the only real use you have for those tiny hands is to reach the bottom of a pringles can ah okay okay that was mean we're moving on the tiny hand you had to do it to me speaking of moving on can you get over the whole bill birth thing the podcast was like three years ago you need to go around telling everyone that he traumatized you here's some advice ethan next time you don't get in the situation in the future next time you invite a comic on the podcast who's known for being a smart ass don't be surprised when you act like a smart ass i know too much i can't wait for you to hold this against me you say too much before i even responded i'm looking at your eyes i could read your eyes uh maybe i should lighten up because i really do need this job especially since working for you i've probably burned every bridge in this industry i mean who haven't been [ __ ] talked on the show i wouldn't be surprised the title of a future podcast would be exposing ryan's toy reviews that would get a lot of beard but on a more serious note rather we are going after uh ryan's toy reviews or if we are canceling youtuber i've watched for years i want you know that i would follow you through the gates of hell if needed it sounds traumatic but us arabs take loyalty very seriously when you first found my channel on youtube you referred to me as a ride-or-die [ __ ] and you weren't wrong words cannot express how grateful i am for changing not only my life but my wife's as well you took a big risk hiring me and i hope we never let you down i was a little nervous to meet you at first but the combination of your tiny hands and kind heart helps me feel at ease you have been a great mentor and even better friend happy birthday ethan love you man thank you for letting me be a part of this family i want to end with the lion air brook that would usually say to wish some good fortune happy birthday ahmad and show them any more did you just insult me or was that a real genuine well-worth i'm sure someone will translate here come here [Applause] all right the guy wouldn't let go of me so real quick before i get started um i just want to say some kind words about ethan um when i first started here i was a long-haired bright-eyed 20-year-old fresh out of college and um he gave me the opportunity to uh show what i was made of and be a crazy [ __ ] so um ethan i have to thank you joker brain giving me the opportunity of being lovely crazy [ __ ] so anyways i wrote you a little song and uh i hope you like it oh everyone can gather and hear the old tale of the man who was a youtuber ford was a gnome born in ventura not really sure how he was made high school was no match for him santa cruz called his name higher pass a true fat i have stumbled on the way there once was a man named ethan who ate a long way great for a life of food for class a true jew to the name [Music] a right of birth israel read the torah on the plane [Music] met a troop named love struck his gaze ate some more came back home his life began to change [Music] he lived by his side his weight began to slide up and down his mane there once was a man named ethan who ate along the way grateful life [Music] new york came and made eight to the three youtube grew and ethan too ripped the fattest vape [Applause] churro was the only way new york was too small for the game [Music] oh la is where he held his brand new fame [Applause] [Music] oh there once was a man named ethan who ate a long way grateful life of food for glass true due to the name with ethan's on me by his side [Music] babies love to dance the man [Music] and i can say oh i can say i'm the true mailman once there's a man named ethan who ate along the way grateful life true jew to the name [Music] is happy birthday ethan i love you [Music] [Applause] so it was once there was a man named ethan who ate along the way nice that's true thank you zach happy birthday i love you i appreciate you buddy the mayo man the joker brain himself dan am i cool to unplug oh it is love going to roast me no love said that he's not i did want to say a little word just real quick because always when i when i'm not included i have a lot of people saying that they forgot me you know i usually opt out of things because i don't want to want to do it sometimes but i do want to wish you a happy birthday ethan and some people might think i'm not roasting you because i'm a simp it's actually just because um i'm afraid you're gonna pull the plug from lovebot yeah you better be afraid anyways a real talk thank you ethan for hiring me and letting me live vicariously through this robot as well as one of the crew this opportunity has kind of changed my life many of you might not know but i'm a pretty pretty introverted person i don't love to talk and stuff like that so sitting here in front of hundreds of thousands of people with a zoolander costume is pretty surreal so i do really want to thank you ethan for this amazing opportunity god bless very nice yeah the real i love love is a great guy love is love love is love bro i'm being held hostage in the uh come on cover that unplug the robot i can't just say a nice thing he's got to say i'm holding him hostage he's in the nether realm love is a great guy honestly he's he's such a good employee and a great guy love love love is love love is love love is love love is love god bless god all right so [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: H3 Podcast Highlights

Views: 123,154

Keywords: h3 podcast, podcast, h3h3, h3h3productions, ethan klein, ethan and hila, birthday, roast, ethan roast, own, jokes, crew, team

Id: 61SOnZvIK8o

Length: 24min 18sec (1458 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 28 2021