ESTHER PEREL - TRUST.

when you ask the question about trust the first thing to me is to actually look at what does just mean at this moment that is quite different from what it used to mean Trust was something that was cultivated over time to a deep engagement with people either in shared affiliation shared interests values shared activities and it grew you know and therefore it was very much rooted in safety it was the trust and the safety of that trust that yielded the possibilities of taking risks today Trust is your ability to take risks and fail and be able to come back without being too ashamed so that you can re-engage and try again and therefore it's the risk-taking that amplifies the trust versus the trust that yields the possibility for risk-taking and all the theories of trust have literally grabbed it on both sides do you need to feel safe in order to take risks or is it the actual taking risks in a condition of safety that actually increases the trust I think it's a both end but it it is what the second definition is what is allowing us today to actually trust total strangers we are giving our homes and our cars the things that are the dearest to us to people with whom wish them absolutely nothing this is a very very interesting so for me when HR people don't have trust is because I basically feel that if something is happening to me you don't have my back I actually think that you are not there for me you are there for the others for whoever it is you representing the companies the lawyers you name it the PR campaign so once I believe that you're not really there and you don't have my back and therefore I can't rely on you then I won't bring you anything I basically begin to live in a culture of suspicion coming into in Romania last week it's like here is this country that probably one of the harshest communism zuv all of them in which everybody spied on everybody it's only 30 years ago everybody husbands wives partners children siblings best friends everybody spied on everybody you want to talk about a tear of the fabric of trust there is nothing left everybody is suspiciously living and they want to trust so they want these narratives of connection and I think that's part of why I'm working in Romania because there is a need for what does that narrative actually look like it is also a trust in the fact that kindness can lead to something rather than the harshness the corporal punishment of violence that permeates that environment that basically said and I do this for your own good but to prepare you to the harshness of life and then if you did well then I could say of course that's because of how I raised you it's that you can raise people in a family and you can raise people in a company you can terrorize people and say you see you see they're very productive that's the best design cause attribution theory you know so to know that an HR company of people department is trustworthy is to know that first of all it is really there to look at the ethics of relationships it is really there to look at the way that people are either you know seen or ignored or seen too much versus others not enough like everything else you know this regulation in relationship is about too much attention or too little attention intrusion or neglect or harassment or disregard this is the the level of where all relationships this regulate and a good HR system lets you know that they are attuned to that they're watching it they're watching it carefully they're watching the person who did all the work with somebody else who got a promotion and say that is not correct and when you have a system that does the correctives of these extremes which are natural they happen but you have somebody who watches it and make sure when this goes too much it gets broken you know then you know that there is a healthy relational culture at play in your company and you trust HR and then if you have an issue you know where to go HR doesn't build a trust by dealing with the problematic situations the HR gains trust by showing that it is a benevolent observer of the relational health of the company that may be also how you are hired how you are promoted how you are compensated etc but it looks from that position to the - to the good functioning to the good health of the company from that point of view the same way that the CFO is not just looking at the crisis it is looking at how much is going in out how the systems are working where the funds are being allocated and looks at the financial health of the company relationship health is a concept that is what I call well-being that's how I would would have you know the trust and and that is not about dealing with the deviances but if I know that you're looking then when I have an issue I know where to go I mean it's a natural thing that I will come to you because I think you have a good handle on this if I think that you have just been you know working for the authorities or working for the PR machine or you know or basically endorsing stuff I will never go I will never go I will go to you I will find the biggest gossip or I will find the one that is going to create toxicity in the company but that toxicity is serving my disgruntled us I won't do it myself necessarily but I know I know how to make everybody not function anymore and then instead of saying you know into interdependent parts systems this this is not doing well and therefore this is being dysfunctional here no we're gonna forget that and we're gonna just look at this and we're gonna say there are some people on this team that are not really good this is the way it works instead of looking at relational systems which is what happens between people or departments we go and we think essentially about the critique traits of a unit a department or a person and we essential eyes the problem rather than look at it in dynamic terms

Channel: Peter Clayton

Views: 127,986

Rating: 4.9145389 out of 5

Keywords: Esther Perel, UNLEASH, Keynote, Future of Work, Relationships, Well-being, trust, success

Id: 9qnBALSb8D8

Length: 7min 15sec (435 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 28 2018