Ephesians 5:21-33 - “Reflecting Jesus in Marriage”

[Music] I've been married now for near 27 years and I am blessed in my marriage I am incredibly grateful to God for my wife I've been a pastor now for over 25 years and last 25 years of pastoral ministry I have unfortunately discovered that sometimes marriage is a very very serious subject to address and trying to find an appropriate balance between the humor and the weight of the subject that we're going to talk about three problems that affect marriage significantly one unreasonable expectations - lack of proper emotional and spiritual support prior to marriage three lack of appropriate emotional and spiritual support once you are married now in light of these problems unreasonable expectations lack of preparation lack of support once you are married emotional and spiritual support let me encourage you God has provided abundant resource to help us God has provided abundant resource he's provided the Word of God he has provided prayer he has provided counselors pastors he has provided godly example we have the abundance of conferences and books and teaching on the subject and all of these resources God has blessed us with because God loves marriage now the most important resource that he has blessed us with that unfortunately we may not avail ourselves of is the ministry of the holy spirit to have a marriage that reflects Christ to have a marriage that is empowered by and filled with the Holy Spirit is what we desperately need whether we recognize this or not and discovering what a spirit-filled marriage looks like in the contentment that it provides there isn't a single person in this room who's either married or who desires to be married who doesn't want contentment in their marriage and contentment is only going to be found when you surrender your life to the work of the Holy Spirit in your life to produce Christ's likeness in your marriage and when that happens you will discover the contentment that you longed for and God will be glorified and people will see something about your marriage that is distinct from the culture around it and it'll be a powerful witness to your community and I want to encourage you today my friends we're gonna discover what that looks like and how we can experience it so if you're comfortable standing if you would stand with me we're gonna finish pick up right where we finished off and Ephesians chapter 5 at verse 21 and I'm gonna read out loud to the end at verse 33 and ask you to please follow along silently submitting to one another in the fear of God wives submit to your own husband's as the Lord for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ as head of the church and he is the savior of the body therefore just as the church is subject to Christ so let the wives be to their own husband's in everything husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and he gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be holy and without blemish verse 28 so husband's ought to love their own wives as their own body so he who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ in the church nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband let's pray Lord all of us in this room need to discover what a spirit-filled love life looks like and how to appropriate that for those of us who are married and for those of us desiring to be married it is critical that we discover what a spirit-filled marriage looks like that our marriages might thrive so Lord prepare our hearts that we might respond to you but we ask this now in Jesus name Amen and then please be seated so what we're talking about today is reflecting Jesus in marriage reflecting Jesus and marriage and really the objected I think that God intends for us is that we would experience a spirit-filled marriage that we would experience a spirit-filled marriage and remember the context there verse 18 of chapter 5 Paul had exhorted the Ephesians not to be drunk with wine which is dissipation in other words don't be dominated by the flesh don't be dominated by spirits don't be nominated by joy but instead be filled or controlled by the holy spirit and this idea of the spirit filled life we're seeing in the context of marriage in this portion and next week we'll see it in the context of family and the week following Lord willing we'll see it in the context of the workplace but I want you to see that before verse 18 of chapter 5 beginning in chapter 4 at verse 1 Paul had been talking about this spirit filled life in the context of singleness and it is important for us to understand a singles in relationship with others as singles in relationship with a commune EFA honoring God and reflecting God as a single it's just as important as reflecting God in a marriage so we don't want to lose sight of this context now the spirit filled life let's take a look kinda at the endgame at the ideal and then we'll unpack to see how we get there what does this look like first characteristic we're gonna see is unity and intimacy at the end of this portion scripture Paul says verse 31 for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church marriage is to reflect the unity between Jesus and his church and here Paul quotes from Genesis chapter 2 at verse 24 for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one now this is not written for Adam and Eve's benefit it's written for us right they don't have a mother or father to leave not even sure they have bellybuttons okay this is for our benefit so he's talking about this process of detaching from your family of origin as a primary place of importance and now connecting and creating unity and intimacy with your spouse this is the idea that a husband and wife would reflect the unity the Jesus experiences with this church it would be characterized not by a partnership not by a team those ideas of partnership and team pale with the idea that Jesus intends as an ideal that there would be unity intimacy oneness you imagine Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden before the fall before they sin there's vulnerability there's intimacy they're naked and they're not ashamed now we think about that we oh yeah well you know Adam probably looks Michelangelo sculpture of David and Eve kind of looks like Venus only she has the arms still attached no wonder they're not ashamed well I just want to encourage you about this thought here a second remember in the creation account everything that God creates has the impression of age I mean trees the first day that they're created there's already fruit on them so now try to imagine you know Eve's got a little cellulite Adams combing over the hair and then maybe it's a little different image now and and so they are naked and they're not ashamed because of the fact that they're ripped and looking amazing they're not ashamed because they're innocent concerning evil there is no sin and they have this incredible unity now once Adam and Eve's sin in the Garden of Eden Genesis chapter 3 so to speak all hell breaks loose they are separated from God and they are separated from one another the unity and the intimacy that they enjoyed has now been compromised instead of confession and repentance what exists is blame-shifting they are now broken and ever since there have been broken hearts and broken people I tried to imagine you know this scene after God pronounces this judgment you know wouldn't you like just be a fly on the wall in Adam and Eve's house you know to see how this went down like if she's not talking with him it's like oh come on honey it's like oh now I'm honey a few minutes ago I was the woman you gave me God you know and just watch this whole encounter go down what had existed in such purity was now broken and the more we rebel against God the greater the calamity no it gets worse because part of the judgment that God pronounces upon man and woman is that there is going to be this conflict for authority a conflict for control in the household that God has designed that the man is going to be the spiritual leader and the woman is going to want to have control or authority and that creates conflict there is a struggle and because of the abuses of that Authority because of the abuse of power and the abuse of control that we recognize not only in marriage but in the culture generally this is what gives rise to the feminist movement the abuse of power the abuse of control our culture has been rocked because of the issues of sexual harassment of women by persons in power giving birth to the me2 movement and all of it flows from this problem of wanting control and abusing power and the culture is looking for the answers and not only the answers as it relates to gender generally in the abuse of power but as it relates to marriage specifically do you want to know what the answer is that's some weak sauce folks we all know what the answer is okay Jesus is the answer now I want you to it was like oh that's kind of cliche I want you to see that the answer is Jesus Jesus came to redeem mankind Jesus came to redeem marriage God created marriage God loves marriage whatever God loves the enemy of men's souls hates and wants to destroy it should not be surprising to us that marriage is under such attack in our culture because God has a plan for marriage Jesus sent forth his holy spirit we read in chapter 4 at verse 3 - not only for unity between people but to preserve that unity it is the work of the Holy Spirit in your marriage and in your life that allows you to experience true unity and apart from a desire to surrender your will to Jesus you cannot experience the healing and the redemption that God intends for marriage to experience true unity and intimacy we come into marriage as broken people we come into marriage we've been hurt in relationships even if you had an ideal childhood which most of us did not and we find ourselves having hormones coursing through our veins and not really knowing how to bridle ourselves and that just is a recipe for trouble we have desires we want to be content and we're thinking that sexual activity will bring contentment we've been hurt we've been betrayed we've had our hearts broken now we take to messed-up people nothing personal it's all of us right if we're gonna tell them that you're gonna come together and live happily ever after and talk about unreasonable expectations you complete me no no that that's quite a burden to put on another person they can't do it and then lacking proper emotional and spiritual preparation you throw two people into a situation and you tell them that they're going to become one that's a hard recipe check this out the only way you can become one with Jesus here this the only way you can become one with Jesus is to die to yourself you're okay with that and the only way you can become one with your spouse is to die to yourself like your spouse's job is to kill you you're doing a great job honey I just want you to know you turned it up this is the ideal unit in T intimacy oneness here's another characteristic of this spirit filled marriage mutual submission verse 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God we are going to submit to one another because of our great reverence our great respect our great love for God now the beginning of this idea of mutual submission mutual respect flows from this idea that this other human being is an image bearer of God they're not an object that we don't objectify people to satisfy some erotic desire we don't want to objectify a person into simply an object a piece of property so to speak we want to understand that people are image bearers of God that's the beginning of this idea of respect mutual submission what does it mean to submit the Greek term is Hoopoe Tasso and Hoopoe Tasso speaks of ranking under its primary application in the Greek world was to Military Order a chain of command it is exemplified for us in the New Testament and the person the life the teaching the Ministry of Jesus Jesus ranks himself other he submits and humbles himself here is God who humbles himself to become man humbles themselves to the point becoming man as an infant in a manger and to experience humanity and deny himself of all of his rights and privileges as God he humbles himself putting the needs of others you and me others before himself humbles himself to do the will of God that's what it means to submit to one another to put another person's needs before our own so we see this idea of mutual submission and it's complicated it's complicated when your spouse doesn't walk with the Lord it's complicated and yet that's what we're called to do apart from the work of the Holy Spirit that ain't going to happen because we by nature our flesh is selfish and to put the needs of others before our own is a supernatural ability we need the Holy Spirit and then wives to understand what a wife is called - beginning at verse 22 wives submit to your own husband's as to the Lord where the husband is the head of the wife is also Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body therefore just as the church is subject to Christ so let the wives be to their own husband's in everything so a wife is to respect honor and yield to her husband as she would seek to respect honor and yield to Christ it is not a question of a wife being inferior to a man far from it first of all let's understand that Jesus exalts marriage beyond anything understood in the ancient world in the Greek and Roman world a wife was property she had no rights whatsoever in the New Testament we know that a husband and a wife are equal men and women generally are equal they are equal in Christ Galatians 3:28 furthermore we would understand that the wife is not in fear simply going back to the creation account in God's plan in Genesis chapter 2 at verse 18 a wife is to be a helpmate a helper comparable to her husband when we hear the word helper we tend to think of an inferior we tend to think of an assistant to understand there's four Greek words that can be translated helper the one that was selected for Jen - is the one that is used almost exclusively speaking of God helping Israel the Jewish people certainly God is not inferior to the Jewish people and so this helper this help made I just won't confess you know yeah I look back at my marriage and I married over my head literally and figuratively huh my wife is a a lovely five foot eight God this most beautiful woman that I've ever met and I me early you know it parents an incomparable woman we had a very comfortable life in Orange County California had a opportunity to serve God and that much fruit but that but I was practicing law we had a very comfortable life and it became evident that God had called us to plant a church here and when I approached Karen told her what God had put on my heart how do you feel about this idea of moving to a community that we didn't even know a single person in and our lifestyle was going to change radically her response was okay I kid you not and you you have no idea how much Karen has sacrificed for you you have no idea how much Karen has sacrificed for you as a help made she was a remarkable helper to me but one of the things I just confess is that unfortunately I thought I knew better than my wife that she wasn't my assistant pastor she's not the assistant pastor and so some of her really heartfelt ideas for this church I dismissed and wasn't a question of whether it was the right dear the wrong idea was the issue that it didn't honor my wife and the role that she was called to as my helper and so I want you guys to understand that so my wife certainly not in inferior in any sense and wives generally not inferior in any sense but I want you to understand how this dynamic works think about this a husband is to be honored respected and yielded to by a wife even when he isn't honorable or respectable that that's challenging enough but then Paul says as the church does to Christ now I want you to think about this for a moment kind of step back a second to think how does the church honor and respect and affirm Jesus I want you hear this maybe write this down after taking notes that encouraged that the way that the church honors Jesus is through praise adoration and yielding praise adoration and yielding now let me tell you a dirty secret if I can wives you already know this but I'll just say publicly us guys can be insecure and your words of affirmation have greater weight in our lives than words of affirmation from any other human being your words of affirmation have more weight in our lives than our parents they're more weight in our lives than our employer they have more weight in our lives than our friends and our peers they have more weight in our lives presumably than any other human being if you want your husband to be your spiritual leader which is going to be the best thing for him the best thing for you the best thing for your family affirm him don't discourage him about his shortcomings he's well aware that he doesn't measure up affirm him now let me encourage you the husband it says there is the head of the white ladies here's some good news you're the neck that turns the head you're the neck that turns the head now this is going to to sound a little bit manipulative but I just wanted to tell you this is how life works okay your husband guys generally speaking avoid we avoid doing things that were not good at we typically are attracted to things that were good at because much of our sense of identity comes from what we do rather than our family relationship in a relationship generally and because of that sense we we tend to avoid things that were not really SuperDuper good at now with that understanding recognize that many men find it very difficult to be a spiritual leader and so therefore since we don't think we can measure up and play that game we just don't get involved you go to church you be the spiritual leader for the kids you're the super spiritual one and I'll just do my thing and you're frustrated about that and your frustration comes out instead understand this dynamic he wants to be your hero all right let him be your hero affirm him that you need him to be your spiritual leader tell him it's for you that you need not that he needs to do this God's called him to but you need it look let me let me give you an example and I've shared this before let me just bear with me when I am driving with my wife and she tells me that I am going too fast it's like really woman I've been doing this for a while I don't need you to tell me how to drive and then Karen trying to get my attention she says can we afford a ticket well that's just a finance issue I can think about that and no I don't want to spend per ticket but actually we could afford it yes I'd rather spend on something else so again Mike my foot hasn't moved off the accelerator but then she says you're scaring me now she's got me she wins right so the first question was her telling me how to drive I don't need you to tell me how to drive I got a master's degree from traffic school second was a finance question I think I might be better qualified in our household to discuss some of these finance issues but the third approach that's where she always wins you're scaring me I want to be a hero I don't want to be the villain I don't want to do anything to hurt her now you're thinking like what why shouldn't I have to manipulate him that way and why should I have to come off as weak and say you're scaring me or I need this why doesn't he just get it together yeah so you can keep doing it your way or you can try doing it God's Way but if you want to know how you can win that's how you win husbands love your wife as Christ loves his church beginning at verse 25 husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be wholly without blemish so husband's ought to love their own wives as their own bodies now in the greco-roman world a husband has literally no duty whatsoever to his wife she's just property now in Christ the bar has been raised it has been elevated to the highest standard imaginable this is another instance where I wish I was taller because as I'm reaching up to show this high standard it just doesn't seem that impressive what is this standard that we are called to what is the standard that's been elevated we are called husband's to love our wives as Christ loves his church and the Greek term there that's used as a gob a of the four words that are transiting Greek as our English love it is the highest it speaks of a committed unconditional pure love and it is described by the Apostle Paul in this letter with several characteristics of that love first first characteristic it is sacrificial it is sacrificial it says in verse 25 that Jesus gave himself for her Jesus did not simply give himself for his church at the cross at Calvary he gave himself constantly putting the needs of others before his own to sacrifice guys we kind of imagine that scene where we're in a dark alley some mugger comes out and pulls the gun and we're gonna take a bullet no we're just gonna dive right in front take the bullet for ya and she's thinking like that's this great but could you put the seat down for me my dear friend Phyllis my neighbor and the son Scott are here it was a few years ago she said to me she said if I didn't know better I would think that there was a mistress because you you spent so many hours at the church and it was never another woman Karen has always been the the only one for me but the church became a mistress and and because my wife was so selfless because she is so selfless and because we both felt just a burden to do God's work we sacrificed and I want to make sure that my first place of sacrifice is to Jesus my second place of sacrifice is to my wife the third to our family our sons and then forth to the church haven't always had those boundaries clear in my heart in my mind sacrifice second to sanctify or to set apart to sanctify or to set apart that might present him to himself sanctified set apart bride that she would be washed and cleansed with the water of the word so in the greco-roman world a bride was taken to a body of water whether it was a river a lake or the sea and that was to remove all the defilement that existed in her life prior to her merit the problem is it does nothing to change her thinking about God nothing to change her thinking about marriage nothing to change her identity in Christ what does change is the work that Christ is done by his spirit and by talking about the things of God in your marriage to talk about the things of Christ to talk about the Word of God I would encourage you learn the Word of God together talk about the Word of God together get involved in a neighborhood group so you have that rhythm in your life make a commitment to regularly attend a Bible teaching Church where you're going to learn the Word of God and you can talk about those things to create those rhythms in your life to change your sense of what you're called to be as a husband and a wife together because God God wants you to be blessed and the route of blessing is happiness but God's not calling you to happiness in other words I'm just unhappy I'm out of it you know I'm out of here because I want to be happy that's selfish it's not what God's called you to God's called you to God glorifying contentment and until you change your thinking change your heart and allow the spirit to work through the Word of God you're going to be a selfless or selfish rather trainwreck leaving a wake of disaster around you we need to be washed set apart husband sanctifies his marriage a set apart his marriage by making his marriage this priority in all human relationships it takes preeminence a husband Peter tells us first Peter 3:7 sets apart or sanctifies his marriage by dwelling with his wife with understanding which sounds great but we don't get you we do not get you at all you you think so differently than we do we think off times in this very linear way and you're thinking like a pinball machine and ideas are just bouncing from all over the place and we just can't keep up you are multitasking and everything's going on and in the middle of a time of where you're being intimate and vulnerable and romantic when a wife says I wonder if the kids are okay husbands we just don't get that you know and like what what's wrong with what's going on it's nothing's wrong it's just we're wired differently set this relationship apart treat her Peter says as a weaker vessel and weaker doesn't mean less than it means precious vessel do you know what that plastic bucket is that used to wash your car do you know what a crystal vaz is that you would have on your mantle she's the crystal vaz bro not the bucket treat her that way third spotless sacrificial sanctified or set apart third spotless at verse 27 that he might present her to himself a spotless bride having no wrinkle no spot no blemish holy so once you are in Christ once you receive Christ God looks at you as completely spotless no blemish whatsoever in terms of your position before God you are completely spotless no wrinkle no blemish no fall all your sin past present and future has been forgiving in practice though we haven't arrived there yet but that's how God looks us and one day in eternity with Christ we are going to be completely pure glory hallelujah I can't wait now check this out guys that's how you're supposed to look at your bride a spotless remember on that wedding day when she came walking down the aisle and you're like whoa man just took your breath away and you saw her and like Solomon would say to his bride in the Song of Solomon and fourth chapter he says you are all fair my love and in you there is no spot or blemish at all and that's how you saw her and you have a choice you have a choice to look at her as spotless or to find her faults and focus on the faults it is like that guy who's in or gal who's into restoring cars and takes this car and restores it and all the chrome and all the detail and everything's original it looks amazing and everybody who sees like choice car bro and all this guy can do is focus on that one rust spot on the chrome bumper that's what he obsesses about and he misses all the beauty of what is restored him before him want to drive her crazy focus on the spots want to enjoy a spirit-filled marriage Syrah spotless the choice is yours nobody wants all their spots brought to their attention constantly she's spotless that's how she is before the Lord see her that way fourth self beginning at verse 28 so husband's ought to love their own wives as owned by he who loves his wife loves himself or no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one / this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband so here no one would ever hurt their own body no one hurts themselves but we we nourish and nurture and cherish and so look man you guys have become one with her stop doing anything that's hurting her you're hurting yourself you're killing yourself when you do that cause to reason that listen everything like well I just need to love myself more no trust me you love yourself just fine you're thinking about yourself all the time you know it's like an opera singer me me me me me you think about her that way don't do anything that'll hurt her now all of this no wives respecting honoring yielding to their husbands husband's loving sacrificially setting apart the marriage relationship viewing their bride is spotless and viewing her as they view themselves all of this it sounds good and it sounds great and we're thinking like yeah I'm going to do that I'm gonna put these steps into practice and here's the problem you can't depart from the work of the Holy Spirit you could read all the marriage resources attend all the marriage conferences go to all the marriage counselors read all the scripture on marriage and apart from the work of the Holy Spirit transforming you empowering filling you to live the supernatural Christ reflecting life you won't now this life is spirit the life is available not only to merits but to all followers of Christ is that good now here's the thing Jesus said in Luke chapter 11 the guy was waiting for us to ask is waiting for us to get desperate enough in our condition that we recognize that we don't have the ability to the strength to do this that we would cry out to God and say I need your Holy Spirit and as soon as we would do that the God on his end would satisfy that need he would give the promise of the Holy Spirit to empower us to do this now the question is are you willing to ask that's rhetorical but I want to invite you to do is to close your eyes we're gonna pray as you're sitting here whether you're Mary or whether you're a single and as we've been talking about this spirit filled life and walk worthy of Jesus Christ to reflect him to our community as we'll see in the workplace and our family in a community of faith in every sphere of our life to do that it requires the work of the Holy Spirit when the Spirit is moving in our lives and filling us we will experience a contentment that is unearthly that is beyond anything that we could imagine God wants us to know that contentment in him he's waiting for us to ask and if right now you you want to experience this contentment if you've never received Christ you can ask him to come into your life let him know that you're ready to you if you've already received Christ and you recognize that there's still part of our lives that we haven't surrendered to him and we need to be filled afresh with this spirit he's waiting for you to ask so right now in the quiet of your heart let him know what you need father you know our hearts better than we know ourselves please send forth your Holy Spirit in this place we ask this now in Jesus name [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Calvary Nexus

Views: 1,989

Rating: 4.483871 out of 5

Keywords: Jesus, God, gospel, Bible, Ephesians, Marriage, Spirit-Filled, Unity, Intimacy, Mutual Submission, Encouragement, Spiritual Leader, Sanctified, Love your wife, Reflecting, Bruce Zachary

Id: aoLMAmZicEM

Length: 42min 47sec (2567 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 23 2018