Ep #81: RON FUNCHES | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings

[Music] foreign thinking about this the other day when because i was like i'm going to do a podcast where we don't talk about the comments section i feel like comedians it always comes up and i was listening to one of your podcasts and you had such a poignant um take on it where you you know like respond to people sometimes and i was thinking about that and i was like oh because i just auto block comments so i never have to see them and pretend they're not there but then i'll do someone else's podcast like segora burst and then i'll just see the one that is you know or whatever and how to keep that negativity out but i think in the last maybe it's just the pandemic or how few problems that you know you realize you have as you get older and you see what's going on in the world and that you have no right to complain about anything um i realized i was like you know what i would actually rather be polarizing than just me i'd rather if you like me i want you to love me if you don't like me i want you to hate me i've been doing that sometimes on purpose i like to cook people like oh you're so sweet and so funny and you're blah blah blah and so then sometimes i'm like you never know what i'm doing like sometimes i'm just trolling stuff or things because people got real excited when i was like oh outcast is better than the beatles people were like oh look at this guy he's so progressive on the right side of here history and then i made another tweet being like oh if you're going to a regular season baseball game and taking a day off work you're probably a [ __ ] loser why are you going to a regular season baseball game oh bad take bro baseball's great dude i'm like yeah i don't give a [ __ ] either way yeah like i'm just saying stuff but if there's this thing that happened whereas like comedians we're supposed to be dangerous we're supposed to say things that no one else will say where it's sort of like uh uh we're courageous for a living like you're coming to see like a delusional amount of confidence on a take and i always say like it's not our job to be right ever or you know it's i i think we say something that's like kind of indefensible and then we have to defend it with jokes and try to convince you and at the end we might be like oh that didn't work but we're taking you on like some journey yeah and we don't have to be right we're not scientists we're not doctors i think we all forgot that in the pandemic yeah you poke holes at the truth you poke holes at things that you see and you you present your argument as like a like a lawyer or like anyone but it's not my job to be the judge it's not my job to go like this is right or this is wrong like you know if the audience isn't loving the joke like of course i'll adjust on the thing but like as far as being like well you have to i think that's been shift before we've talked about this before like a shift in how people have stopped writing to surprise and have started writing to be agreed with can i tell and this is why i i like miss doing stand-ups so much at either the comedy store or just like a club that has a lineup you're on it you know scores on it rogan's on it whoever's on it because um when you're only performing to your fans they're gonna maybe give you a little like going on stage when people are coming to see you and then me having to win them over that's when you get good there's this sort of epidemic of clapter happening where someone will be like you know um you know so who voted for by and i was like and then it's like yeah [ __ ] trump woo and it's like those weren't jokes that was this is now a rally like we're going for the involuntary laughter and i and i must say i remember a time at the improv where you went on stage and you you kill in a way that i just i don't think like you have to see you lie i mean seeing you live you kill in a way that's like frustrating like because it's like it the building shakes i mean you kill in a way that inspires me and i watch you perform in the way you surf the laughs and the way that you're so patient and let them come to you like you were just saying and um i just am curious if you always had that that cadence and that patience on stage i sort of have like a desperation that i have to get to a thing and it's taken me so long to be able to let them come to me um i think it's something that's been ingrained in me from like just issues of the child you know where i'm like i moved around a lot i moved around from chicago to oregon and stuff and and just learning that like i had to defend what i enjoyed i've been a pro wrestling fan my whole life and people this is stupid so i learned it very early on and be like oh i don't need you to agree with me like i don't know you know what you're in a company with the one rick rubin easily the biggest music producer on the planet all he watches is uh wrestling yeah so you're in good company i know smart people love wrestling in 90 day fiance and wrestling is so fascinating to me because it's oddly very feminist and it's fun to watch people fight without having to worry someone's going to die thank you so much that's all i've been trying to say it's not like the nfl which is kind of just like fancy slavery at this point you know it's like um you know it's like i don't have to i mean the nfl draft is just like watching you know these men go up and get these pr like it's just it just feels like um mma i'm just like oh no yeah like that might kill each other when they you're like he's already down you're hitting them some more i like knowing they're friends at the end they're just trying to put on a performance for me and i'm not uh worried that i'm participating in some cte situation like i'm not like enabling some really well wrestling's got his own thing with that from the past and things so that's doing better now the wrestlers that because they do choreograph it and orchestrate it right and it's all fun history just this past weekend they had the very first two black women headlined their biggest event of the year never happened before i never thought i'd see it and it did and it was a great match and they kicked ass it was wonderful and i appreciate it thank you sasha banks if it wasn't for you i wouldn't have my own signature sneaker thank you what age did you first start watching it uh like hulk hogan day yeah yeah oh yeah for sure yeah like uh yeah that's like my first my uncle because i you know grew up with just my mom my sister my aunt house full of ladies and my uncle would take me to chicago to rosemont horizon go see wwf house shows and i'd see hulk hogan and stretcher matches the ultimate warrior there's also something so um you know there's this big conversation about toxic masculinity which you know is is such a complicated topic to get into but um there it's pretty the guys are feminine the women are masculine like it's just very like the women are i mean just seeing such strong muscular women you know when i saw that and then men that were wearing little things that were kind of feminine and they were shiny and had long hair there's a whole even bigger world going on right now there's sunny kiss and sunny kids is amazing because sunny kiss wears straight up booty diva shorts identifies as whatever you want to call them male female he hers just says whatever you see me as is what i am and then just goes out there and kicks ass this is amazing and it's also comedy yeah you know they're trying to make you laugh they're trying to like you know we're joking have you been out there have you been on tour at all since i just started i just booked some days and going salt lake city in may that'd be my first one back out since um denver in november so i just you know they've been around here did a couple shows with you did a couple uh the magic castle parking lot show which i was like oh man we've really fallen when we are begging to perform at the feet of magicians so dark too so dark that's not the the industry i knew do you like the car shows which is like no i don't either i don't like clackers it's against everything in my like i'm just being taught to the hate honks cracking or people yelling at me from cars of any nature that's right yeah i mean yeah it's like it's like oh i associate honks with like being cat called being yeah like it's just such a uh jarring uh response instead of laughter but i also did a bunch of car shows when i was so desperate to do something i was so afraid i was getting like so rusty at stand up or i would forget how to do it or something or um be out of touch or whatever my a million fears were i was going to fall behind if i can go on and on but when i did them i also felt like i was developing bad habits all these habits this is what you're timing all these habits i worked so hard to break i started like yelling i started going really fast i was like doubting myself it was just like i just it really was not yeah i had the same uh fears and struggle but i was like first of all i can't book uh the driving gigs i'm not people aren't gonna come see me for that like they would you a bird and secondly i was like at some point i would at the oh i remember the points when i did some mushrooms and then they told me to be nimble like a bunny and i was like hey just [ __ ] it like you know [ __ ] it like i'll if i'm rusty i'll rusty i'll get good again later like and then i found out from not doing it for a few months and then doing it once where i was like oh i'm actually kind of still good and even in some ways i'm like necessarily better because i'm not in rhythm but i'm like oh i feel more in the moment i feel growth so in some ways i was like oh i'm happy i feel me not doing it for like six seven months like i'm not even writing jokes i'm not even doing anything i'm just like but i feel like it's probably going to extend my career by like 10 years because i got this break to just go and do voice acting go and um focus i took some singing lessons just acting classes more and more auditions and just being like oh that just i'm not going to beat my head against the wall on that because even when i'm doing it i'm not having fun i'm scared we take advan i i just really think i was taking it for granted before i was like i gotta work on this joke i gotta work on this joke you know and and missing it a little bit was because if you have a great joke if you're not excited about it or grateful to be on stage it's not gonna kill the way that it should like it's like it's just not fun and it was also just been realizing reclaiming my power in that regard of like like still have having real life fear of like what was going to happen was what what my life going to be about am i going to see my niece you know who you know was just born and and i was like why don't give a [ __ ] what netflix thinks of me why don't you give a [ __ ] oh i think about when you're 12 like you did everything like you got a special you're on show you did everything you wanted to do so if you never get another special [ __ ] it like just have fun and ever since i've been thinking about that it's been so much more fun for me because i'm not like worried about what other people are doing and it's hard to maintain i lose it well here's the thing i think i do think you know and and i want to talk about your podcast because you get really granular into the nitty-gritty about sort of mental health things and you know insecurities and things that a lot of people are afraid to share or or can't necessarily verbalize in an eloquent way and you have this incredible way of just saying something talking about either insecurities or you know you know um starting conversations about these really sticky mental health things that you know um you're just you're just brilliant at it um and uh and i do feel like the only way i was able to really deal with my workaholism was because and constantly comparing ourselves to others which is sometimes healthy like a healthy competition is good they did it i can do it too it's not like i'm full of game yeah it's just sort of like oh like sometimes it drives you and sometimes it's a liability and eats you alive and is unhealthy and you know a sick addiction to resentment and competition or whatever or this person doesn't deserve it or you start to get into that i deserve it whatever um but i do think that it i could only really face it and look at it when no one else was when everyone was on the bench because it's it was like we're all be okay we're all taking we're all not doing this no one's achieving anything right now great like we can finally look at who we want to be and what do i actually want to talk about when i'm not just trying to beat this person to a special like what do i who do i actually want to be when i'm not like i gotta i gotta go up three times this week girls people are gonna think i'm not doing it like all my ego broke away yeah it's one of the bit i mean you know from doing tarot cards in the past like there's a card i would get sometimes like about oppression and i would and i'd be like this [ __ ] guard sucks and then but then you'd read about him like oh there's positives to being oppressed um you don't want to be oppressed for your life but there's sometimes there's positive to be locked in place because it forces you to like think your way out of things it forces you to slow down because if you're locked in place if you're like [ __ ] around you're gonna break your [ __ ] you're gonna [ __ ] yourself over by thrashing around you have to like calm down and really uh embrace whatever is going on in that moment to really just slow your mind down a bit and that's been what i've been trying to do while also at the same time being like um more aware of my value yes and now just take i i really i was talking with kristen my assistant before governor just about um i've reached this point in acting now that i reached a stand-up before where i was like oh i can like i can say no i cannot i can say no to offers like before it was like oh like maybe i'll say no to an audition no i'm not going to tell you you're offering it to me yeah oh no way i'm saying no and then if i say no you're never going to ask me again when in reality the more you say no the more they want you which is so you know but it's all gonna go away my agent's not gonna like me anymore and they're not gonna even like the fear that sets in saying no to a bad job that's not not even after scale the fear that comes up uh how dare i you know by the time you pay agent manager in taxes you're making you know eighty dollars and it's five days and you have to bring your own wardrobe and i say no and i'm like everything's over everyone's gonna hate me the casting director is gonna hate me how fast i go to that when in reality they're like good for her for passing on this she has self-respect all of a sudden when did that start i know well it's gonna start for me next week [Laughter] i mean the fact that you say i mean you work more than anyone you're like the busiest person i know even during the pandemic and i want to ask you uh because the big insecurity that's set in during the pandemic for me of like am i doing what everyone else is doing are people getting ahead or whatever insecure [ __ ] going on is social media like how did your relationship with social media change because i think i needed some time to be forced to do ig lives and forced to take social media more seriously like how did your relationship change um i just was bringing a balance back to it because i think um i was way too into it especially when i was single and stuff and could just focus on working and that was it and then when i got with my wife who's very not into social media that much at all like she could make a lot of money if you've seen her she could be the biggest uh influencer on instagram she would eclipse kim kardashian real quick just one bikini photo and you could retire but whatever could i please manage her she's literally the hottest woman i've ever seen thank you she'll love hearing this but well also she's so kind and intelligent as well yeah but her ass though is wild it truly i mean it is switches it is so it does i watch it sometimes i carry it up the stairs for her i'm like this has got to be a load on you i got to care it is a legitimate caboose but yeah we'll get back to your wife's body in a second and i have a lot of questions about her but i feel like we kind of blew past a couple things i'd like to dig into more um because you have so much wisdom you know in this area i'd like to talk about the tarot cards because i know nothing about tarot cards and i'd like to talk about mushrooms because i've never done mushrooms in my life really you seem like you've done all the drugs because okay in quarantine i did go a little off the rails i am i want to say like 15 days off of weed edibles because they didn't work for like the i can do the faces have to stop because then i i mean they just double edged because then i'm eating on top of it and then i wake up and i'm like i feel so chubby and i hate it and then i place another order so i guess compared to your wife's ass you are will always be minuscule did you just marry her so you could feel like a tiny little whisper of a thing i'm the little spoon you look anorexic like how does she buy pants like i'm not i'm actually not joking she i mean the times i've seen her she's been in like a stretchy dress and i've heard general outfit cause like she can't what else could she wear she struggles yeah pants poor thing i feel awful for you but she does get people fall you know the other day somebody followed her on her walk you know yelling at the car out at her you know just because it happened to be fair not to defend a cat caller but i would definitely i definitely have followed her a little bit just to be like is that like i'm fascinated and i was like stop stop bad whitney bad whitney bad so tell me about the mushroom experience like what is the um is it more to do like like medicinally like do you have a purpose going in or is it more to kind of check out and be creative it's a little bit of both um basically um if you've never done mushrooms it kind of feels like i tried i just didn't i did like lsd like i think tabs when i was like 11. i'm like i don't do drugs i mean i do lsd like just tabs from strangers in delaware i just like doing a check-in for myself the best way i could describe it is that like i feel like my regular life is that i'm a you know rattling a little maze and then when i do mushrooms sometimes a little hand comes out grabs me by my collar pulls me up so i can see where the exit is and see where all the cheese is and not be afraid of everything and then it lets me go and drops me back in and i have to try to remember those things um so it's like i don't try to do it too much but i've had so many wonderful experiences from from doing mushrooms i um do alone or with someone usually with people sometimes alone the last one because with the the last one yeah i was just in my house at two in the morning uh locked in my office so i wouldn't scare my wife even though she she eventually found out because i started stumbling around imagine if you hallucinated on mushrooms and her butt got bigger i mean okay no heat greedy but i asked because this i actually have an insecurity uh with you uh when i came on the show undateable that uh you obviously were on and i came on like as a guest it was like such a weird experience but um i was like so insecure the whole time and and you know when you go into someone else's show and everybody's friends that everyone's got a thing and you come on and you like you know um are like trying to be friends with everyone or trying to you like don't know any inside jokes and you're just sort of like don't know the drill and you're the outsider or whatever and um and i think it was like after show or something and you'd smoke some weed and i was like are you stoned like i was such a dork and you were like yeah and i was like oh what's the highlight and you're like well you're kind of ruining it like it's not fun anymore and i was like oh like i was just like trying to talk to you and be like what's your high like man and you were like dude please stop and i was like okay got it like of course because i'm so fat i would like to be able to uh learn how to chill out not be so manic and you know i'm just trying to find a way to different strokes yeah folks though like if you try it and you don't love it it's not for you but because i've never tried to force it and you know i'm like cheech or chong which one was it chong yeah i was always like smoke everybody's movie maybe even babies i'm like even babies i heard they don't get along or talk i could see that i love that i'm just starting [ __ ] like just like i don't know that either one but i met i met one of them and i could see not getting along with them i remember i i wrote on that do you remember tbs did a roast of chichen chang and i remember ralphie may went up and killed so hard and was so funny but there was like a scrap between him and i think once like it got real like a roast is never supposed to get real it's like we're all joking we're doing this for money like you get it just you know and it got heated for real because i think the one thing was don't come after ralphie's weight or something and someone did and you know it was just um well that seems like that like you can't call that one there's a lot of things you could call but you can't be like well we can't talk about your weight [Laughter] that's crazy i might be like we're playing baseball but you can't use the [Laughter] yeah well it was everyone has their own thing that they come with that is off limits but it's usually the person being roasted like david hasselhoff it was you can't come after uh well that's the thing about the burger was that him no that was definitely him what was david hasselhoff's uh i think well hulk hogan was there and he said i'll only do it if you don't talk about my daughter which i thought was badass uh uh shatner was don't talk about his dead wife who drowned in his pool that seems appropriate we went so hard at it um and then uh uh tommy lee on pam anderson road says you can't talk about the dead kid in the pool because there was like it's usually like tragedies like that yeah that makes sense snoop dogg was like you can't talk about my rest like i mean usually it's stuff like that and every now and then someone will come with something it's like okay we can't not like bob saget saying don't talk about the olsen twins it was like okay that's cute uh you know it's like it's trying to find that line of you know are people gonna be distracted by not bringing up this elephant the living room and how do we do it in a way that's not uh hurting them but still honoring your request or then we'll just cut it out later or whatever but i remember that was someone crossed the line and it got it got real and that's so interesting to me when comedians where all we do is you know um uh roast each other all day and then you get your feelings hurt all of a sudden there's always you realize well i'm hoping for that i'm a person i'm sensitive because i'm an actor too i gotta be sensitive uh and i just i get that because if i don't respect you if i don't respect you in your comedy then i definitely don't want you saying something about me i think those are the things that are missing some of the times right when you're just getting random people and it's like i don't i didn't come up with you i don't and i'm not like i have to come up with you yeah you don't know me like i don't know you for you to be talking to me like that yeah like you know and so i get that that's why my you know issue no but i've solved them because i've just never been a big fan of the roast because i was like oh i like these old d martin rose oh they didn't really know each other that well either so that's fine well and you did a show that was like kind roasting mm-hmm yeah which is true yeah which is such a cool take like such a fresher take i think it was just made it fun and it's harder it makes people work different muscles of their mind which i'm always pro cause it's just i mean just all you know simple easier to destroy than create yeah and you just can't go for the low-hanging fruit which is like i feel like we're at a time where it's like time to like cut it out with the low-hanging fruit like that easy [ __ ] that's what i'd like to talk about what do you think cause we talked about before people writing to be agree with what do you think is coming new because i think it is feeling good for me because i feel like people want to get silly again and that's when i shine well well i think that your comedy is is is like um you know they say the one stock that never uh is affected by the economy or anything that's going on in the news is krispy kreme swear to god like it just always is like solid like you to me i i don't feel like to me mean comedians in the last four years people are just not into because there was so much meanness all the time on twitter and with our president and you would just constantly see nastiness so i do think your comedy you know was a respite in that time but i also think now people can go you know see a comedy show and just be silly and not be like we need to you know change the world in this next two hours you know um but i i it's interesting because i feel like this last four years you know something like me like there is a thing where you're like okay what's my responsibility right now with a platform like what should i be more political should i do does anyone want to hear from me like i think i just i get a little fraught with that i think just with the last four years there's just a little bit of like do i need to teach should might do i need to like tell stories that help change people's minds about things you know like i feel a little bit of like pressure to say more sometimes or or i could understand that with you because you that's you're in a pr people consider a privileged position and so then you feel a weight to that um i was feeling a little bit not necessarily a way to just a change i'm like like oh i'm becoming a different comedian and i was like oh what it's kind of that similar story and then my friend gabe he was like uh he just gave me the best advice and now that's where i've been my focus is he's like i was like i just don't feel like you know i'm getting older my son's like gonna be 18. uh you know i'm thinking about having another kid and and all these things and i'm like i don't feel like i can't sell this like pothead and she was like you never that's not what you sold you're like you're not selling because you sell being yourself you sell being free he's like you sell freedom is your is it's your style and i'm like oh that opened my mind more where i was just like i could just say whatever the [ __ ] i want because that's what i'm supposed to do and i think especially at this time when it's supposed to be either i'm supposed to be worried about being murdered by police or i'm supposed to uh if i'm not worried about it i should be out there protesting about it um you know i'm doing the chop 420 show and i had a lady reach out to me and be like how dare you host this show while our brothers and sisters are locked in jail for marijuana and i was like don't you get don't you get that that's what this show's supposed to make you feel it's like how ridiculous that not that i shouldn't have a show is that these laws shouldn't be like that if this is going on this is ridiculous it's stupid and that's what i'm selling you the dream of that future you want so why the [ __ ] are you yelling at me yeah and so many people are in so much pain right now and i don't know how i'd behave be behaving if i was just a fan on social media like yeah that's so true i'm i'm sure i'd be like you need to [ __ ] this post i'm sure i would be the biggest troll on the planet if i wasn't a public person i forget that sometimes i had to delete a thing because i had another like oh retweeted something about charles barkley and this is like i bet she's a fan of you she might be watching this podcast uh this white lady this 20-ish 30-ish white lady just was like he's on because he was just basically being like quit being so republican democrat when they're both selling uh against our best interests you know you got to look at a bigger thing and then she was like he's doing this you know both side ism she's being basically being an uncle tom and i was like oh first of all you can't say that you're a white lady you can't call anybody uncle tom i'm not going to accept that not even your uncle tom no no no yeah it's a gym he's not going to jam now switching oh too close to jim crow he's uncle jeff and then secondly it's just a thing or go like it took me a step back and go like oh wait like why do i engage with some of these things when people just are [ __ ] stupid or they're committed you know they're not committed to changing their minds like they're not interested in changing their minds and i think that happens a lot when people are in fear you know they say that um when you're in fear your iq level goes down like 10 points we actually get stupider when we're scared like in the pandemic we just saw it happen people were scared of dying and they just got dumber he just bought toilet paper and uh yeah totally and it's interesting because comedians like it's kind of i don't in like i'm so insecure maybe it's an insecurity thing like i want to be wrong like because then you're not if you're right already like you know everything like you know like you're just done learning you know it's so wild to me that you know people are just like nope i got it my point of views are stuck forever this is what i believe and i'm only going to look for the things that reinforce my own beliefs and malign anyone that you know disagrees with me yeah and leave with all emotion with no fact when it's just like you're prisoner of that moment over one thing that charles barkley said to the point that you would call him uncle tom when he's like well like do you know how he's donated millions to black colleges you know how he's done also right now yeah it doesn't even matter what he's done you're absolutely right but it's like you're such an idiot that to even bring like you're you're on the wrong side you're you're fighting against your own allies but what makes me what fascinates me about that is i'm like you truly like you put this in writing like you you have so many you ran that by a couple but like who in your life is allowing you like who's where like i mean obviously where you're getting your news whatever but it's so fascinating to me but i think that what we're leaving out of this conversation and this whole moment is the conversation about addiction and i know i talk about addiction so much because i identify as an addict and i have so much addiction in my life but self-righteous indignation is a true addiction you know getting dopamine off of sending a tweet and getting a response and the adrenaline of ron functions responding to me and me pissing him off like a lot of people crave that drama we get adrenaline every night doing stand-up like for a lot of people sending a dm to you and getting a response that's that's their madison square garden you know and and it's it's really sick and i try to stay judgmental about it but i also try to stay back and just go how are you getting i don't understand how you're getting pleasure out of this but but adrenaline makes dopamine like what are we gonna do moving forward just knowing this is our human nature and the way we're wired as people like we used to sit around the roman coliseum and watch people just get torn apart like we are inherently a very savage species even though we sort of have to stand in line and and be nice to each other at coffee shops but like as soon as we're behind a computer it's all of a sudden you know when there's anonymity this is why i call you ho roger [Laughter] it wasn't at the core of it with your savages savages waiting in line at the grocery store it's so true it is so true i actually think i have more [ __ ] on my desk than rogan does by some weird miracle um but because i i was always trying to figure out like this this binary thinking terror management this is so horrible no i cannot say anything god damn it all right i'm gonna start talking about gavin newsom let's get to the avenues [ __ ] that guy um but uh uh you know but i i do like sarah silverman used to have this i don't know if she still does it at this joke about um pro-life people and how much they care about babies the irony is like if we're protesting pro-choice in pro-life right next to each other we're actually the same person you just have the wrong info you know what i mean like you want to go out and say babies like so would i if a baby was being murdered like i you know but we just have different definitions or whatever so the irony is like it's just we actually have so much in common we're just operating under different facts yeah i mean that's crazy to think about find out though um when we can go back and travel right like that's when you're on twitter it feels so isolated and feels so like oh people are thinking but then you go out like one of my favorites performed fayetteville alabama or uh arc fable arkansas are um what's the place in isla huntsville huntsville oh yeah yeah the dome the stardom i don't remember the name but i love the city yeah because then you go really go like oh [ __ ] actually america's really fun sometimes where you go to huntsville you're like all these people and i'm sure there's issues i'm sure there's racism and all these things but like it's a lot more of this togetherness than we see and then um you know everything out hear is just all isolated isolated and and fighting against each other and i've just never been i could never get into that i've always been like hey if you're on whatever side of the box you're on you're holding up the [ __ ] box yeah so why are you what are you doing but i think we all it's like our fundamental human need and tell me if i'm wrong because you just i i see you as like an expert in like mental health like is our that's not true i know but here's what i'll say no one's an expert in mental like it's if you talk about it a lot and ask a lot of questions you're an expert like to me i've heard some things on your podcast that are more incisive and and eloquent and have helped me look at myself in different ways and have compassion for other people uh more than any therapist i've talked to or programmer just because you're asking the right questions and you're fearless about talking about things that are uncomfortable or you know especially that i haven't seen a lot of men say you know really um i don't want to say brave i hate calling people brave it's like when you call a woman brave it basically just means like they look old and they're not wearing makeup open i'm just open to it yeah and it's so um the op it's so uh badass in a way you know because it's like the one thing i think a lot of men are afraid to talk about is their feelings and like that there's something just so um you know just cool about it and um and all my the guys that i date i we listen to in the car and show them like this is cool this is funny like this isn't [ __ ] you know um yeah i mean to me it's always opposite the other way is a super [ __ ] like that's so [ __ ] i'm not going to tell you about my feelings like you're going to be like i don't have feelings you can't hurt my feelings i don't have any it's like all right you little [ __ ] all right for real the most badass [ __ ] you can say is i'm scared yeah i'm insecure you hurt my feelings i don't feel comfortable right now like i don't i feel safe yeah just saying that's the best strength that's uh from a young age things from my mom and stuff was just like to me true strength is like not going like you can't hurt me it's it's going oh you hurt me that did hurt and guess what i'm still going to be loving i'm still going to be open i'm still going to um come out there and expect nice things to happen to me even though you hurt me that's strong to me as opposed to being like oh i got hurt once it's all usually just one guy got hurt by one girl when he was a [ __ ] teen and then he's like well now i just don't feel any feelings and [ __ ] these [ __ ] and i don't talk about anything and it's just like you're a weak [ __ ] child [ __ ] grow up and be an adult and say what [ __ ] bothers you yeah also she was a [ __ ] yeah women are kind they have for real for real truly they will try to eat your soul sometimes it's just that's um that's really fascinating to me and i i'm curious about your strategies about how you when to internalize someone when someone hurts you uh and when to not so for me i tend to take everything way too personally which is a form of narcissism really to assume that everyone's running around trying to hurt you like it's usually by accident you know it's usually just sort of your a casualty of their own insecurities or fears or whatever and you i spend the whole day having my feelings hurt when i'm like hey that hurt my feelings are like what i wasn't even talking to you you know i mean i make it bigger than it is but sometimes it's good to just find that out right yeah yeah what are what mountains out of molehills are we making but other times i will dismiss bad behavior and have denial around it and excuse the behavior like when do you excuse it and go oh they're just sick and suffering or oh they're just in pain oh i'm projecting and you know like how do you when it causes you mental or physical harm i feel or everyone affects you in any negative way just having boundaries that's like one of the biggest mantras i've found because i used to be just like oh i'm like oh we'll figure it out like no one's evil no one's in and he's like well no one can be has to necessarily be evil but you can no one has to be a bad person but you can be bad for me you know like you can be good for somebody else you could be great for somebody else but you're bad for me and so i can't have you around and that's where the boundary is for me is just knowing even in all relationships i have i just try to keep people at a distance to where i can love you and in a healthy kind of love and and uh that's so interesting but it also helps me to know like because i tend to go like you make me feel this way you you're doing this or you're doing this and then i find that i can really figure out if someone's healthy for me not based on what they're doing because i can be very dysmorphic and i can hallucinate and i can project and i can minimize and dramatize and rationalize it's more now i'm at a point where i know okay i know if someone's bad for me based on how i'm behaving am i making myself small am i being anxious am i complimenting them or am i giving them gifts that they don't need am i buying them expensive candles like their behavior i'll never be able to really decipher because i'm just too my vision's too cloudy but if i start like feeling separated or trying to not be funny do they make you feel [ __ ] like that or they make you feel open and they make am i trying to make you feel okay to be naked like you know that's one thing with my wife one thing because she was super hot so i was thinking but she when i when she looked at me i'm like she made me feel like i'm [ __ ] you know the hardest thing to make you feel insecure yeah one tool that does work for me which because i really struggled with my default being at war with people um i did and i got a tattoo it's a white tattoo so a lot of people can see it right here is i just say i love you to someone every like i go through the hallway in the comedy store and anyway i love you like i have to say it in my head over and over again um and i also find myself if someone hurts my feelings i try to ask them three questions about themselves i know it's a contrary action i have to do just to get to know them a little better like where are you from like are your parents still together and then i'll learn something that's like okay got it you're you're hurt too her people hurt people got it and i'll just i'll be able to detach and not take it personally because it's not about me this person didn't go out of their way like i'm gonna go hurt whitney today they hurt a lot of people you know um through their life that seems like you looked so deep into it i'd like i just people i had one just recently where uh someone just brought me this like job opportunity and then like the the company was like uh like i didn't respond in a club like i just said yeah and then i went about my business and then they were like we haven't been able to hold you in a couple days you don't seem interested and so then i reached out to my friend and i was like well do you know about this he's like oh yeah they were i was like why didn't you tell me that they were having issues about it and then i was like so then i was just like i just let it go for me but i go you know what i just had to let you know i feel like if you were actually my friend you would have falled for me a little bit you would have told them how professional i am you would have told them uh how good how much of a value i am because they don't even know you know like they think that i'm just some they thought i was just some twitch streamer they don't know i'm on movies and tv shows and [ __ ] you know and so it's like in my head they wanted you so bad they offered it to you and then followed up three days later that's what i would think you know but they didn't and so it was just the thing of being like i just want to let you know this hurt my feelings and i feel like i'm like you probably don't feel the same way but are you thinking and he was like that was like oh you know i just didn't think about it or why when would i have told you and i was just like i just know like how i look at friendship that if someone was like oh we're having a problem with your friend i would be like text right yeah you know just because like it was me and you or something i'd be like what's going on well i would do i'd go hey dude just fyi we haven't heard back like if you don't want to do it it's fine but just like let us know i don't want you know but also it's like you know on the flip side of that is be authentic and be yourself and if i write back yeah and you take it as a no what's going on with you i don't even think i want to work with you yeah that's what it turned out we don't speak the same language and we both speak english yeah i was like you know what i'm not enthusiastic anymore you're right yeah you turned out to be quite right you projected onto my curt email which yes yes it's a yes and i'm learning more and more as i get older like you can speak the same language and completely speak different languages like i have people in my life and it's taken me so long to stop trying to change the way i am to try to get them to understand because they're just committed to not but when you're you know in relationships and you're like look i was just you know or friendships even when you're like look that really hurt my feelings like oh so i'm a [ __ ] and you're like you didn't say that didn't say that you said that and we're just not able to communicate for whatever reason well usually what that is right is that the immediate reaction to like oh i did something wrong and i don't want to feel like i did something wrong so i'm going to turn it around right away and it's not you know you gotta um you know it's something that you on a lesser extent i mean my wife still struggle with of just knowing how to communicate with each other when we're both triggered about you're always staring at her ass while she's trying to communicate with you often or i'm not paying attention around and say it to me one of our main things you know i'm a messy i'm a messy person and how so like with you just leave [ __ ] everywhere at least a trail where's your job to clean it up what's the problem that's a confusion and then you know she would just take it personally and i'd be like you know like i'm no i'm not like hey you're my slave and you gotta pick up after me i just literally don't think about this yeah and so if you have a problem with just go hair go pick it up because you know she would just leave it for a couple days and then be like i'd leave it for more days [Applause] she well i've done that a lot where you kind of like leave it there to be like oh he'll eventually get to it i'm not i don't want to set the precedent that i'm going to clean it up but then it doesn't work you're like i'm expecting him to read my mind in that moment um okay so i always ask this to especially comedians that are in super healthy relationships because there are let's be honest you know kind of few just few healthy relationships i think in general but um why her i know why but why her i've met her i i get why but you know when um you know i think a big part of this podcast is we talk about red flags we talk about why things work and and uh when someone's in a successful relationship i just want to mine every piece of wisdom they have and uh why when was the moment you're like it's her she always seemed to really be attracted to me when i was kind and she always um just didn't like it when i wasn't and i was like that is someone i want to be around is someone who makes me want to work better be the best version of myself and encourages the best parts of me you know and believes in me and truly like you know she'll get work with my diet for me and stuff like that because she's like you are she's like yeah you're a leading man you're a [ __ ] lean man and they're gonna figure it they'll figure it out i know it you know it they'll figure it like i picked you yeah yeah i could have been with anyone yes really truly no it she'll tell me because we're getting arguments like sometimes i'll forget and i'll get like that and i go oh you only want you like the you like the act you like the you don't like the part of me that's weird and and gets anxious and uh you know can fly off the handle a little bit and then she's like no she's like if i wanted to be she's the only thing i could have gotten another [ __ ] comedian you don't think dayton cook's not outside my house right now that is fascinating what are some red flags that that are that are absolute bottom lines for you absolutely not um if you want to think about it for a second let me know okay i mean i could just talk about things that come up i just don't like it when people aren't you know classic once people aren't crying to like if you're on a date and people are kind of the waist desk that's a huge that's like the number one red flag for me i went on my first vacation with the guy that i'm dating right now this past weekend and not only because this was the first date we've ever been on we've it's the first time we've been out to dinner because of the pandemic but we've been dating for eight months so i've never seen him you know and uh and not only was he so kind like would say oh hey janine how are you so like not only so kind but also flirted with the older waitresses which i love just like you look beautiful too like i just it made me so it was such a relief i was like this is like so much more important than sex to me it's so much more than anything else and not only that but also flirting with the older ones yeah it's so hot yeah you got a little competition yeah yeah you could win like okay i wasn't feeling that threatened kind of everything threatens me but it was like to to flirt with the older ones and sort of like you know be charming it was just so cool to watch no i mean i killed her after but it was you know sweet he like made her day you know that's a great one people are super i mean these are things that i learned by going through them like you know i had a girl show up like drunk to the date and i was like this is not ideal not ideal yeah exactly you think it and sometimes you think i was gonna say too that was uh no certainly not on first aid and and people who just don't expect to be treated nice you run into that a lot in l.a i think especially when i was dating in my 30s and stuff you just ran into people who are just always like even my wife we have we tell the story like i took i think it was our third date and i just took her to this restaurant and i was like oh it's going well and i go like i think this date's going well i'm just going to come out and ask it and she just was like and i was like do you want to go on another date i just i it just depends on if we're going to split it or not everything on another day though yeah but she was like no i thought for sure you're gonna be like well it's our third date we gotta go have sex or i haven't went on oh go on another date and not sleep together yeah i was just like i'm having fun let's have another day you know um which you know there's time for i'm like we're just hanging out on that side but if i'm looking for a relationship looking for a person to be with like yeah let's just chill and if someone's always expecting to i mean um the other thing i know some people don't like her coachella views but i worked with vanessa hudgins on powerless and that was one thing i took from her when i worked because i remember opening door for her on set just because like you know that's why we do and just the way she walked through she said thank you she said thing but she never broke stride she never once expected that door not to open for her oh that yeah yeah you know yeah and i like i like that in a woman i like that when a woman ex be like you you will treat me nicely and i think there's this this struggle i see with the youngins about like i'll open my own drawer i can open my no i know you can open it no one thinks you're handicapped and you're not capable of opening a door that's not because i used to kind of be like that like i'm gonna pay for everything i'm gonna do i like like i'm an independent woman and it's sort of like no true power means you can allow you can receive love you can receive acts of service and not be keeping score in your head yeah because i always was so suspicious that i would interpret them as a manipulation and if you're strong i'm weak or you're implying that i can't do something which is coming from a place of like total insecurity and and as you're talking about um uh this it it reminds me of a piece of advice that i loved that i heard which is that insecure people are dangerous and i think sometimes our instinct with insecure people is to pity them feel bad for them but someone else's insecurity is their problem to solve if you're in there's something about insecurity where people think i'm insecure i'm insecure it's like go fix it if you're so insecure go to therapy go to the you know aaa elena there's so many opportunities to fix this but it's no one else's fault and it's your problem to solve just because you admitted it doesn't mean we all have to accommodate it oh yeah no i'm very you know sensitive and and if you're dealing with mental issues or illness of any type i'm always in your corner but i've never been thinking of like i will never let someone's issues allow give them an excuse to harm me yeah like you can fill however you want to feel you can be insecure you can be whatever but if you if that is what's causing you to harm me then i gotta cut you out until you figure yourself out i'm not gonna hang around and wait for you to figure this out that's not what i'm here for and frankly me being here is probably enabling it and making it worse for you but i think that i've been thinking about this a lot because i've had my feelings heard a lot recently and i've seen a lot of people on social media do stuff that's like upset me or pissed me off or whatever and i'm really trying to delineate you know the difference between intention and impact and the guy that i'm dating does not let me get away with anything it's very annoying but he always says to me like because i'm like well that's not what i meant he's like it doesn't matter you're 38 years old your intention doesn't really matter here your impact matters the first couple i like him he seems good [ __ ] it's such a nightmare yeah he um yeah he's like cut that [ __ ] out like he doesn't let anything slide and like i mean i'll because i look my dad was a lawyer like you know we're comics like we can pretty much get anything over on anyone we can manipulate we can win we can charm this we can charm we can beguile we can bully we can say something an observation about you will that will change the way you see yourself forever you know and this is the first relationship i think i've been in where as soon as we're arguing we're on the same side and it's like i'm not fighting with you i'm fighting for you and this is the first time i've been in a relationship where i just pipe bite my tongue and it's like if i win we both lose like i even when i when i win i don't feel good i feel bad you know in relationships before i was like i won yes you were out to destroy he respects me or like i'm you know and it's like wait that is so sick and unhealthy that is such a uh a damaging philosophy but um he'll all just do something and he's like does that work for you like he literally would just be like are you oh you're doing that thing where you go under generalization and then you use your arms to try to destroy he's like okay let me know when you're done like he just has no uh patience for it and doesn't entertain it yeah and my wife and i are very much the same in that and um i think because we just have similar backgrounds and been through similar traumas to where like we just notice each other's triggers and she'll and so be for a lot of other people like you know i think i would have these red flags like oh you know you you showed me something so i'm going and then my wife would be like no you're this isn't about me you're freaking out about something else um if it's hysterical it's historical yeah you go figure it out you calm down and you talk to me later and and um and i try to do that with her sometimes she don't listen to that but [Laughter] i'm so sorry that we now have to take a break in this delightful train of joy charm and love frankly sexual chemistry let's be honest everyone can feel it um to talk about better help that's why i need it because the sexual chemistry yeah i would say because if i want to land a man like ron punches i'm gonna have to get my [ __ ] together you're gonna need better help is there something interfering with your happiness don't even ask because the answer is yes and it's me [Laughter] you can start communicating with a better health counselor in less than 48 hours that's insane can i tell you something by the time i'm like i need a therapist like calling to schedule and they're like you can come in two weeks like i've already made the bad decision i've already snorted the adderall i've already you know wired four hundred dollars to that woman who said she was my long-lost sister i've already made the bad choice it's not a crisis line it's not self-help it's professional counseling done securely online so go to betterhelp.com it'll be on your time wherever you are this podcast is sponsored by betterhelp and good for you listeners get ten percent off their first month at betterhelp.com whitney that's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p dot com slash whitney also please record your session and send it to me so i can listen because i probably have that problem too yeah that's not hipaa loves that here's a list of things i'm not doing leaving my house getting my own groceries or items from restaurants um and talking to anyone so doordash works out great for me because they keep me alive i'm looking through my doordash orders these are my completed orders and i am not ashamed to say that i order from doordash uh sometimes three times a day well they have over 300 000 partners in the u.s puerto rico canada and australia and you can support your neighborhood go-to's as well or your favorite chains like popeye's chipotle or cheesecake factory by the way you can also order flowers and cupcakes on here you can order pop-outs because that's like that's key uh yeah with the cheesecake factory i know how would you feel about that cheesecake factory is important that's our special place am i allowed to say this are we gonna lose the sponsor a lot of the doordash people are [ __ ] hot for a limited time our listeners can get 25 percent off and zero delivery hey take off that mask let me see that pretty smile for a limited time our listeners can get 25 off and zero delivery fees on their first order of 15 or more when you download the doordash app and enter code whitney2021 that's 25 off a 10 value and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the doordash app and enter code whitney2021 don't forget that's codewhitney2021 for 25 off your first order with doordash subject to change terms apply it's also just nice to have someone to talk to these days so true i think that was another moment when i realized that she was gonna be my wife is when she was still living in canada she was in vancouver and i went to go visit her on her birthday we got into some dumb argument for some reason i like stormed out of the hotel and i went to the grocery store to go get her some fruit and birthday candles because i knew she didn't want cake and i was like i'm gonna stick this fruit in this mango like this and make her realize that she [ __ ] up because i love her and that was him i'm so mad i'm gonna show this [ __ ] how much i love her i hate her so much that i'm gonna spend three hours trying to carve i mean mangoes are hard as [ __ ] it was difficult how do you feel about change a woman gently suggesting or changing a man's fashion or hair choices [Laughter] is that toxic and sick like i radically accept the person but do you have to radically accept the person's hair i think you can make suggestions but you can't force them to change the and i think uh what if they're going to bro no man wants you to dress them no man wants you to like maybe you can suggest hair things or you can be like look at this brand i like this maybe even show the model and be like look at this model i like this baby i think you will even look better than this guy and this type of style that could work in their brain but like i think like one of the things that was not working when i was married in my 20s was that like my wife was dressing me and it wasn't like to make me look nice she was putting me in floral prints and shits and be like i don't want you to go out there looking attractive you know is there anything that she does that x's did that it isn't isn't it isn't annoying when she does it um because i have this theory that we have a lot of this like black and white thinking about like i hate it when a guy does this i hate it when a guy does this or i hate it when a girl does this but then i'm also like you know if it's the right person that might actually not bother you so much um it would be more a general thing of like figuring out what's worked for us and i always felt like anything we talked about this um or very early and the relationship where i was just like um i need to have someone who's like i'm a comedian i need someone else who's like a rock star who's also got just as much going on as me and that i can't have someone who is like staying home or doing like that and like that was my mindset before and my it's not like my wife is like he'll stay at home and do nothing which is that's not even the thing yeah if you're staying at home you're doing a [ __ ] ton yeah um but my wife is great like she i call it like she's a great writer she's really funny she knows a lot about comedy but she's like truly like the ultimate like supporter like she's really good at making all of my stuff easier as far as like the things i was like well she'll lay out clothes for me or she'll know like oh you have you're closed not close she bought for you exactly well you have cordon on monday you have this on thursday so you need to have this outfit here we need to have this dry clean here and those are all things i thought i would hate those are all things i'd be like go get your own business leave me alone but with her i'm just like oh man you really take you're making it so easy for me you're taking care of me but you're making me realize this is something like it's about motives so it's like one girl can put stuff out for you and be like i'm trying to control you i'm keeping score you owe me and then someone else can do it for fun and for free and it's really just all about motives like you can do kind things for people and either try to control them or have them owe you from a codependent standpoint like that was my whole thing for a long time i was like but i'm being nice i'm helping you i just got you all these gifts it's like well none of it is worth it if there's strings attached and if your motive is actually to control me and change me oh that's the thing that my wife and i talk about all the time though i go like i gotta always remind her if we get into these things like oh look i love everything you do for me i appreciate it very much i hope that's the number one thing i need you to do for me is always be kind to me be sweet to me talk to me sweetly because i'm very sensitive and so like you could stop cooking you could stop doing all that other stuff if you're just kind and sweet to me you know so if you're feeling like this is a obligation just stop yeah because i need you to do it with that sense of love in your heart and you know and in general she does you know because she just was like you you know she makes me you know in a place where like a lot of people are either like oh you're lazy you do this your pothead you're literally the busiest person i know i know if people if people look they know you know but a lot of people don't look and she never you also don't bra you're not like a braggy person either yeah you know like look at this look at that yeah like i'll just watch a tv show and you'll be on it i'm like what like he didn't post about that he didn't like brag about it and tell everyone you know what i mean it's just sort of um it's cool thank you yeah this is what it is now unless it's like you know chop 420 on discovery plus that's one that i post and get excited because i'm like this is my show you know but tell me how that came about you pitched it you no i didn't pick nothing to you it came to me you actually emailed them back that's a first yeah you finally figured out how to follow up on an email thank god your assistant is here but uh i went on chopped and went on the regular job just it all usually comes from me trying to step outside of regular [ __ ] you know like one thing i learned early in comedy it was like wow it's very competitive here you know it's a little less competitive going on a cooking show and being the funniest person when there's like when i'm with musicians yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know and so are like instead of being like i want to fight to be seen on comedy center or fight to be seen on netflix or whatever it's just like let me pop up all these different food places doing these different things because i want to that's just kind of what i grew up loving yeah you know god forbid us do something that's fun and we're not like competing with a bunch of comics on a game show exactly and ruining our friendships by trying to beat them i mean that was always painting with at midnight i was just like i don't want to be i don't you'd be mad at me i'm here to win it was sort of like the one that like the one i became a comedian so i didn't have to compete with other people for points yeah well i mean i am competitive so i loved doing that but cause you always win yeah that was part of it i know that show was fun for you because you would always crush it so i went on chopped i sucked at it i don't even know how to cook so it was just like a fun experience where i learned and i didn't know how real it was like they don't like a lot of those things are fake you know and they're like well here we got this thing for you but they were like no you better make it um and i just bombed out of it the first round but i was like you know my sweet self and fun and stuff and they always remembered me and then they were had this idea for having a spin-off that added cannabis to it and they were like who could we get that lowe's weed and it's funny and then we know and they will like let's get rid of who tests well yeah it's not that easy it's not that it's it's true you also have to uh check a lot of boxes in terms of focus groups and people have to really like you which is kind of my problem well it's not your fault that was you we've talked about this they stuffed you down people's throats and there wasn't they couldn't have any other reaction but to be like whoa hold up you know if i always say like if i saw a bunch of billboards with a girl like like wagging her finger at the camera called like amanda i would do 40 minutes of jokes about it i mean i would you know that was everyone's reaction was like i agree with you that was awful and it was at a time when i didn't know like you know um i i didn't understand that even when you get a job that you're allowed to protect your taste or it was i just thought like you're a [ __ ] and you do it all these people in suits know way more than you do about they know math and science and and i have to be nice to them so that i'll be able to stay on the air i didn't realize that your leverage was really your numbers and your testing i thought my leverage was like this lawyer or this guy that went to school for advertising who's now a comedy executive like i have to get his approval so i was like dressed in a banana costume i thought look but remember remember remember when you thought comedy club owners and managers were the most important people in the world remember that feeling yes and then you start getting on shows and stuff and you go oh [ __ ] you don't matter i could i could tell you to go [ __ ] yourself and you won't book me as long as i feel this room that's right that's exactly right it used to be please headline me before i can sell tickets you know and then uh and now it's like this is my travel budget this is like like like 70s prices you know value jet prices like they haven't even you know so it's yeah it's it's it's knowing your power and knowing your leverage and also just like a magical thing i didn't i didn't know how to say no because i thought no meant you're not gonna like me i'm a [ __ ] i'm you know shrill i'm with all these things because i always i already felt like i was on thin ice like i already you know had the imposter syndrome of like i don't deserve this or all that [ __ ] and um but yeah i mean i remember being on the shoot for like the billboards and just you know dancing like someone like threw me a beach ball and i was like you know there's like a a whole table of props and you know and and i grabbed the beach ball and i'm holding a [ __ ] and i just look at this beach ball and i was like what is it what am i i'm like carrot i'm like you know and i just remember it was like an out-of-body dissociative experience where it's just like i just need to do what these people say which is the opposite of comedy you know following your instincts and what got you to where you are i feel like we're kind of finally to place with comedians maybe a little bit where it's not like you're super funny doing that now play a fireman you know he still happens yeah that's still like um you know just dealing with that as far as like them like oh do you know my name or do you know my voice you know like fascinating and so a lot of places they just hire me because they know my name and then they want to make me do something else and i'm trying to transition away from doing stuff like that just because it doesn't feel good and i did a couple of those i remember doing a show on cbs just because i was like i want to say i did every network you know and then i would come home every day and i talked to my wife or it was my fiancee at the time or just my girlfriend at the time and i just be like i don't feel funny i go like i can't tell if i'm funny i don't know if i'm doing a good job they tell me i am but i i don't know i can't feel it usually i can feel it yeah they're professional liars uh professional pretenders uh so everybody's brilliant so like you know like what's going on and so um and it's just really still trying to go back to that place where like at the end of the day yeah i need to feed my son i need to pay these bills but i need this to be [ __ ] fun if it's not fun if i'm not engaged in it i'm going to [ __ ] suck you know and i like being a positive and i even i had this kind of it was actually the cartridge i needed to hear is this gay in denver who has reviewed my like the first time i did comedy there he reviewed me and he was like he did a couple of jokes from the twitter that he wrote on tweets and i was just like this guy [ __ ] why are you [ __ ] but then i learned to like him because i was like this guy pays attention he's obsessed with you what do you mean like but not just me like with all the comedy that he saw in denver you know he would pay attention yeah and he would see it and when he would write whenever he wrote positive reviews about things it would be about i was like oh yeah i thought i should lean in this direction you know and i had a conversation with him recently promoting this chop 420 and he was like man i really like seeing this for you because i can tell how much fun you're having i can tell that you're engaged he's like i've been seeing the couple he was honest he's like i watch a couple of things and i can tell you're like you're just doing them and i was like i needed to hear that because i've been noticing that and so i needed that to tell me and give me a reason to stop doing those things because i was just like same thing like oh i have to do it i have to do it because if i say no they won't want me but if if i keep saying yes i'm going to get weird okay you know i'm going to get weird and bitter it's you know it's interesting when we talk about comedy so much because i'm always like oh god should we be talking about it's so inside baseball and all we're doing is talking about comedy but it's a metaphor for everyone i think it's like everyone's got the same i think comedian sometimes we're like our job is so special like it's like everyone has a version of this whether you're a waitress or you know lawyer you have to speak in front of people you know or whatever you do um and um you know to be able to do the job but it not feel like an obligation is such a hard thing you know and um because you have to get that flow state on stage like the audience feels when you're reciting it when you're wrote when you're just like you know being a robot about it and it'll happen when if i do like two shows a night the first one i'm in it and then the second one i'm kind of phoning it in and i'm not getting the reaction i want it's like oh they feel it like like 70 of this is just energy and it's just sort of like connection with the crowd and you can't check out because i mean you can i can fully do a set and be totally somewhere else you know and like pull it off but there's no like connection to the audience you know that's the difference between like the electricity yeah that used to be my um that's what i would do if it wasn't going well i'd like all right i'm just going to check out i'm going to tell my jokes and i'll check out and i'll i'll catch get the check at the end of the night and then i realized like um i think it was watching the gary shanlen documentary about being you know mindful on stage where i was just like you know what [ __ ] that you know if if that's happening then my thing is gonna be i'm gonna make sure no matter what i like this set i had fun if no one else if everybody else [ __ ] leaves mm-hmm as long as i at the end of the night were like oh i had fun i made myself laugh i thought of something different i me i said something brave that i thought people would hate me for or something then i had fun and i loved it no matter it's more than like if if you you know there's a tree sting or whatever like we're killing it at some point killing is easy if you know the tricks and you know um you know not with every audience obviously but like but if you know your audience you know your trace you can just start killing it yeah yeah no but it's different to be like oh i'm growing i'm being mindful i'm um learning myself i'm i'm getting just as much out of this as they i'm actually giving them more because i'm in the moment and like you say i don't think that is comedy related that's any type of like job when you start checking out and you start just being like well i'm just working for the weekend and you're just like well [ __ ] like most of the days are the week you know like you should have fun during the [ __ ] week how has doing podcasts changed your live shows um i think it's just made me more uh patient like that's probably been it more patient more mindful more open to finding things it was actually really helpful for for the chop show um i cuz i thought it was just like okay i'll tell jokes and i will use hosting skills um but then i ended up having using a lot of podcasting skills because um you know these shows you know they want stories they want things and i have to be like oh how can i ask the right question to get them to talk to me about what it's been like for them to not work in their restaurant during the whole pandemic or or this guy one guy hadn't seen his father in 12 years how can i a stranger who they just met while they're also trying to compete for ten thousand dollars how can i ask them that question that doesn't make them go hey you know what i'm busy [ __ ] you you know yes so i had to start to be like you know just figure that out and i think the podcasting of like leaning in of like no of just finding things whether it's like something on their clothes or something where i'm like oh like tell me about this and then get to like because like my engineering things was like they told me my ear like oh that's about the debt tell me about your dad you know and that won't work no no no no but yeah you got to lube them up a bit guys um and i'm also curious about your audiences like do they expect something different from you when you tour based on hearing you you know be so vulnerable and talk about mental health and like you know do you feel like you owe them any of that when you perform live um i don't know no really yet um i think some of it is still me trying to mix a bit of it because i do like i l i think my podcast is my like i don't not the most profitable thing i do but it's definitely my favorite thing to do is my wife's favorite thing that i do and i like to stay home well she just goes you're actually like you're funny funny is great she was like but people will write and be like you know i mean like all of you changed my life you know i shared you that message i got after your episode where a lady was like i had to get out of this relationship and i knew i needed to get out but and it took me listening to the podcast and listening to you talk to whitney to be like oh i can't take this and things like that are like so fulfilling or even more than like any like standing ovation or anything like that so i'm trying to like portray a little bit more of that on stage but also never get to the point where i'm like oh we're here to just this is your safe space and we're here to like no i'm going to tell i'm also probably going to say a racist joke or a sexist joke or something that is you might yeah and to me those are fun if you like you know me you know my heart yes you know my heart that's it you know like anthony jasmine right you know like if you know my heart that's what me that's why i can call you horror you know and it's also like we're going on this roller coaster ride together you know this is like we're saying a bunch of stuff we don't necessarily mean a lot of is like thought exercise and i guess i just i get a little conflicted because i'm so codependent because i you know i was reluctant to do a podcast for so long because i just i just don't think i'm that like i'm just i i'm i would love some tips um but i it's it's it's very hard i don't feel like i'm particularly um there yet in terms of of what i want it to be and maybe that's just what a podcast is it evolves as you evolve and as you you know it's just weird because you're learning in public that your first episode everybody hears and it's like wait i've never done this before you know and you're learning um in front of everyone and making mistakes in front of everyone instead of like making all the most you know comedy we can practice in private and then we show you the final product well that's actually even one of the things about that when you said the whitney thing in the um beach ball because i think i had some similar like lessons but they were all like smaller scales so i was like oh i'm glad i could learn this now as opposed to when i'm on like some big nbc show so in some ways i feel like you know i don't feel bad you're rich but like i'm sorry that that was you having to go not from that shop um but uh uh from the two bro girl [Laughter] the um that's fascinating because um uh shandling actually said to me one time um you know and he said at the right time the right way right when i was able to receive it because i never would have believed it i think if anyone else has said it to me he said he wants you know you can never make it too late as a comic the only damage you can do is making it too early getting seen too early and i was absolutely seen too early when young women come to me and they're like how come i'm not getting the spot how come i'm not on fallon how come i don't know it's like i promise you like take it from me like i think i got a couple opportunities i didn't deserve just because i was a girl or whatever they needed a girl in the lineup i was seen by montreal i was just seen before i was ready you know before i really had a point of view before i was really comfortable on stage when i was still trying to make the comics in the back of the room laugh or when i was still apologetic and being too dirty for no reason just because i was trying to neuter myself or you know make the open mic you know laugh or whatever be the darkest you know because that's a lot of times what happens at the comic store 2am is just who's the darkest um who's the the grossest who's the you know tells like the craziest rape joke or whatever and i feel like i definitely got a lot of stuff before i was ready before i knew who i was and before certainly before i was able to uh be a boss whatever that means i had no idea how to be a leader i had no idea i was so concerned with people liking me that i was unclear and that's the worst thing you can do in any work situation you know i love that i love that yeah and then you change it later and they're like you just lied and it's like no i just didn't want you to not like me and then everyone's like well we just had to do more work because you are trying we we know you like us you hired us like we don't we're adults we can handle it it's more efficient yeah we can handle it and i was so um with people that worked on the show i was like well whatever you want like what do you think and they were just like just tell me like we just want to get out by eight the nicest thing you can do is just get us out by eight be decisive and be clear and i couldn't be decisive because i was like trying to you know make everybody like me and make them feel involved and empowered and there's a way to do that without wasting their time and vacillating and you know being wishy-washy and so i didn't have those tools yet like make sure you have your your mental health together before you decide to you know or get big opportunities like you know um it's a war it's a [ __ ] war i've been trying to make a show about my son and i for like four or five years two coming up on two years with this iteration and um yeah i learned a lot of those lessons i think the first one i was so happy that i was like mad at the time i didn't get picked up but i was also like just i'm happy to get money to fail yeah that's fine yeah that's a success in itself um but i was doing a lot of that like oh well what do you want how do you want to do this like the writing partner cause i'm like oh i've never written a show like before so i should listen to you and what i've been liking them now whether it gets picked up or not um is that it's really been me leading and being like this is the story i want to tell it's about instincts i'm about right experience yeah even getting arguments with people in hell in the right way where they were like well he needs to have a passion and what if he's an artist a drawer and i go look i can't draw for [ __ ] yeah and i go and then even my manager would be like well you know it's a show and it can be not you know i go i go yes i get that but listen to this everything that you guys have responded positively to has been true so how about we just stick with that yeah instead of faking it now fascinating and also it's you know i'm always stuck between respecting people with experience but also going you know you have experience in making a bunch of shows that were really relevant before but the world's changed and actually the most valuable uh person in the room is maybe the youngest freshest point of view or the most authentic point of view and i always struggle with that you know because i put writers that have done a lot of stuff on pedestals but i'm also like oh you've learned all these bad habits um you know you know how to just get a script done like everything you're pitching was really good when you did it on will and grace but you know how do we break the how do we do something different you know so yeah to me i'm it's the same thing happens in um like like medicine or especially veterinary medicine um just because i'm dating a that um is that somebody knows yes this seems right i mean he's also 31 i'm 38. who cares i know i know it's kind of perfect yeah no it's it's weirdly perfect and i it's it makes no sense but also he was under 30 then i had trouble you know because i'm like no way but like 31 that's a guy who might be like i want to you know get my [ __ ] together dude yeah i mean older where there's something um you know i think obviously as a vet not a 31 year old comic yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean he's what nobody tells you about doc they're like data doctor data vet they don't tell you about they have student loans until they're in their 40s oh i know my sister's a doctor oh wow yeah they don't start making money until they're in their 40s and 50s yeah my mom was leaving she was like oh your sister just paid off her student loans she's like i'm so happy for her she's like i just never felt it was fair that you had your money and and you didn't have student loans i'm like what the [ __ ] you mean it's not fair you think it was fair when she was graduating college and you were calling me every night going well what's going on with your life well you didn't give a [ __ ] if you weren't like oh you're smart then you weren't like oh good good for you for not having student loans then also guess what comedy's the best medicine yeah so i'm actually a doctor yeah i'm the real doctor this is a joke about how i was more powerful than her even though she was a doctor but then kovac really took the wind out of that sale people weren't responding well to that anymore i was just like the biggest i like canceled and canceled coming after the nurses cancel but but sometimes in veterinary medicine and medicine in general the older someone is the less they know about the new technology and the new stuff and they're operating on some old software so i think we have a lot of ageism both ways you know but there's a lot of ageism against young people when it's like you know especially writers and stuff where everyone's like oh you know you lived this but we know more about how to do it and it's just sort of like how can you know more about my life my life than i do just get out of the way just kidding that's my thing like that's my comedy it's not like i fake my comedy here's the good news you i'll do all the work you can go home it too like it's also this thing of like i it's my experience like i'll do all the work you know but when ego gets involved and when someone's like a show runner they feel like they have to there's this thing that comedians like have to be babysat that they have to sort of be um wrangled or something because we're too like unpredictable and or something and you know i think that's kind of changing a little bit yeah collaboration you know i've met some water people people i mean it doesn't matter it will either get made or not but um development with people effects now and like just talking another way it never makes me feel like she's like oh we got to change this to fit into our motor thing it's more like she'll make me look at the world bigger should make me pull it out of like just my out of just my story and go like okay well what's the world view on this and i go like oh okay well that's great i love these notes helpful notes that's not we're not rooting for this character because a lot of executives just say what they already heard and i and i noticed in the uh in this business a lot that when something's successful everyone wants to replicate the thing that was successful right but um like after bridesmaids came out everyone was like calling like can you make another bridesmaids can you make the next bridesmaid and how many who was your workaholics take yeah and it's like don't replicate the thing that was made replicate the fact that it was original idea so i say so much it seems so easy but i know it's hard but that's not what people didn't respond to it because it was that people respond to it because it was a real world that they got invited to that's what people respond to with all those type of shows and then they go in and they lean all the way in that direction when it is just like hey just tell that authentic story people will find it if it's true it will ring a bell to people and they will find it and that's what i've been lucky with the development people have been helpful and but um i learned so many of those same lessons and trying to find a writing partner for this because i would meet with people who have written on shows or who have been on big shows and i'm like excited to meet them and stuff like that and they're telling me like oh this will never work as a show or this oh this is too dark or and then it took me a point where going like oh you know unless it's like i and i've met people who've made empires i mean i know bill lawrence i know [ __ ] people who i knew the people the lady who made chopped you know i know people who make empires and those are different those are few and far between and they kind of have visionaries but sometimes you just know how to make the [ __ ] you made yeah you know how to make the one thing you made and that's it and that's fine there's nothing wrong with that but that doesn't mean you can tell me you know what i'm doing and i'm talking about you the lady who made the new adventures of old christine you suck look i'm not known for having the most sexually appealing personality on the planet you know i have come to the point in my life where i have accepted the fact that if i utter one word during sex a man will lose down all over america i fully support use these roman wipes if you need them because i don't have time to to uh to meet with you i don't have time to uh try your dick like a snake trying to yeah your dick into doing what it should be doing but maybe it isn't because you watched too much porn 10 years ago give the gift of boners roman is discreet you have no shame in this anymore yeah they prescribe it it goes right to your door you don't have to worry about walking in and talking to some other professional about your little pee pee someone prescribes you what you need so maybe it's uh cause it's not one side it's all it's not just for it's like dicks go to gibroman.com whitney now you'll get 15 off your first month it's really time to take care of your ed and remember get started today and you'll save 15 on your first order of ed treatment that's a treat for everyone june shine is like it's like the champagne of kombucha oh look the champagne of kombucha they're so pretty it's just the perfect buzz where you're not an idiot you're not sleeping with anyone's husband you can still function properly but it just like takes the anxiety i feel no headache the next day i don't feel dehydrated and just like no migraines it's just a goddamn treat it feels luxurious it feels like something i shouldn't be allowed to have and also uh probiotics probiotics gluten free i am probiotics yes they use green tea and honey opposed to black tea and sugar and they are committed to being 100 carbon neutral they donate 1 of all sales to environmental nonprofit we've worked out an exclusive deal for good for you podcast listeners receive 20 off plus free shipping site wide i recommend trying one of their best selling variety packs it's a great way to try all their delicious flavors go to juneshine.com to use code whitney at checkout to claim this deal that's g-u-n-e-s-h-i-n-e and shine like moonshine but it's june shine just click yeah we got oh can also be found in over 10 000 stores across the country including whole foods safeway kroger and dude i there's this new freedom in podcasting where you guys created a very dangerous breed of comedians by pissing us off on sitcoms because now we have podcasts and we don't need you anymore and we can make money without you and we're just i mean i was just saying to myself and i was like i'm making more money from doing two at home gigs than i am for these two [ __ ] a movie and a show that i'm guessing on yeah and i'm like oh you guys you expected us to keep your secrets forever because you thought that we were never going to have another platform besides you and it just was a grave mistake but um but i also think um and i know i have to let you go soon i promise i will i'm just enjoying okay good are you happy okay i always yeah i like you i always feel like i'm keeping people getting i'll let you know okay yes you will it's so insulting to assume someone won't just go i gotta go yeah now you know who did do that so well with maria bamford i had her on my podcast and i was just about to let her go so i was like it's fine i respect your time but then she just goes i just gotta let you know i told my husband i'd have dent we'd have dinner at this time so i have to go and i was like oh i love your boundaries oh i would have just ruined the relationship yeah i did it like the i was did bert crusher's podcast for five hours and my dude had made dinner and i just he's still pissed uh i need the approval of bert who i've known for 15 years but uh but i also i think that um i'm i'm now seeing so clearly now that i've been able to step away a little bit or just have had so many things go wrong after you know just having like a pilot every year that is too dark or everyone just kind of wants multi camps it comes from me and if i try to do something dark they're like don't think that's what anyone wants to see from me or too edgy or whatever or um the woman's not likable i get that a lot i tried to do a pilot that was about a woman that suddenly started making more money than the guy in the relationship and it shifted the power dynamic and how he felt emasculating him was trying to restore the power dynamic and it's funny screwed everything up and it was sort of based on when i first you know started getting successful everyone everyone thinks you have a billion dollars the second you book a job you know it takes a while to get paid you know whatever and so i found myself minima i thought there was a lot of comedy and how i was like you know i finally got a nice car but i dated guy and i'd park it around the street so he didn't see it and i take an uber or like to the car so he never saw that i drove you know stuff like that um and uh and we had this like amazing chemistry but then one time he came over to my old house he lived in you know an apartment and all of a sudden he was like are those both speakers like he was just like how much do you own this house how many like and then we like never hooked up again like it made me way less attractive to him so it was about sort of that stuff and they were like oh this would never happen like this isn't relatable like no woman has ever made more money than a man like it was like so insulting to men and women like that's the other thing sexism usually is like it's just as sexist to the man but i think there's there's there's so much um a lot of hollywood writers and producers um hate their viewers like they think they're so dumb they can't handle a challenging show they think they don't want to watch something smart i mean i can't tell you how many rooms i've been in where it's like oh yeah but like the average person like joe blow isn't gonna get this and it's like you think everyone's just so dumb if they're not a hollywood writer which is a self-fulfilling prophecy right like you you're you're contributing to a dumb culture by creating by saying that you know by by living that lifestyle and as art that's what you're taught is the right to your audience's utmost intelligence to believe that they're smarter than you yes love it and a lot of you know i don't want to get specific about the college that a lot of these writers have gone to but um it is a lot of like we're smart and people that are either blue collar or working class are dumb and we need to just do this dumb [ __ ] and they don't get it you know it's just like that drives me insane and it is so like disrespectful i think yeah to our audience even like and they've been less so with the fx but originally like a lot of it is about you know just me getting sole custody of my son and being custody of a kid with autism and and to do that i had to like have this character of his mom that like leaves and um isn't around and is doing things and they were there was so much flush back of like we can't show my mom that leaves we can't shoot that that doesn't happen and then i go like no that does happen it happens to so many people it happened to me yeah the exception can be the like what are we doing and i know so many there's so many women i know who have such a complicated um history and feelings around mother's day because of of their relationships with their mom and and it's never brought up it's not it's always like no moms are perfect and dads are stupid and now we just wanna be like no i wanna show this story about a dad who had to become good yeah because the mom wasn't around the mom wanted to be fun i think it was amy sherman palladino who does maisel and did gilmore girls i think who said like you know like things will be equal in hollywood not when there's the payment or more like same amount of women and men are writing the same shows it's when women can be [ __ ] too and uh can behave like men or men have traditionally done and because i argue that a lot of the most people attack these shows for being sexist towards women i mean the women the men are dumb and the women are super smart and super perfect which is like you know neither is the case yeah it's when you can to me we will reach a great point where i can watch a black show that doesn't have to be about a guy who either got out of jail or or slavery related a black trauma stroke struggle thing if uh if there's a woman comedian that looks like jay london and she's also funny and famous jay london you guys google jay london fantastic i'm gonna look like jayla if i kept doing weed animals i would i would have i was very close to looking like jay london just with blue hair instead of brown therefore i was wearing overalls the other day i mean i'm how dare you but you know what i mean like that's always been okay yeah you can be like i was talking about this with my wife the other day but she can look like that or she can look like that and it's not the a story in every episode he just happens to look like that or the character just happens to be black and not every story is about that's not the only thing interesting about the person yeah just getting in the way because um like my wife were talking about we were listening to some podcasts and the guy was like and we talked about his favorite comedians favorite female comedians and it was all like it was like you and nikki glazer and it was like it was all we were laughing we go like oh no these are all like your list is basically here's the comedians i'd [ __ ] yeah it's 100 [Laughter] you know and i just really like to get to a point thank you yeah of course whereas like but we're very okay with zach galifianakis with the you know i'm not putting people down i'm just saying like it's socially acceptable to be a schlubby dude but like not necessarily for women all the time with the thing and even so with guys more and more refinement i'm wearing spanx right now [Laughter] i stopped wearing spanx when i got fake tits so it's like a whack-a-mole situation well i'll get there yeah i want to follow up with a couple things because i get so excited and i and i jump around i do want to talk about the tarot cards okay is this something you do on your own or you have someone do it with you uh now something do people do with me before um when i was my first marriage my wife was in the tarot cards and stuff and um i that's how i got into it and it was actually very helpful my first tarot reading was actually the one the first times people someone told me they're like oh you're going to work in entertainment you're going to work in com i was working at a bank at that time you know and they and i was just like oh you i didn't even believe in it i was like you know skeptic and they were just like oh you're waiting around for somebody to come save you and and and tell you you're funny and stuff like but it seems and it wasn't again like he said the way they said it wasn't like i see this i see that it was they were mad they read my [ __ ] and they were like jealous you know they were like oh your life's fine you're fine i'm obsessed with that you're fine just stop go don't do it stop wasting my time like there's people that need help around here yeah it was a bit like that and um you know because i was on the oregon coast and [ __ ] so it was very easy to get into metaphysical [ __ ] um so and then when i got divorced i um i kind of that was one of the things where i was like i still want to keep this part of me i don't necessarily you can get so addicted and frozen on making decisions because i'm like oh is this the right decision flip and so i stopped reading for myself but if there is like because you can interpret it like it's like the way you can kind of read any horoscope and make it apply to you if you really want to exactly or you can like well this must mean this because i want it to mean this um but now um i have a lady named danny uh who will read for me on occasionally and um last one was like recently during the pandemic there was like a job i got a um audition and for some multi-camps to come and i was like i don't want to do it but then i didn't have anything to do so i was like i'll just do it i'll just do the audition i'll have fun and then because i was having fun of course they were like you know worse we want you to do the call back and i was like you know what thank you so much i appreciate that i don't want to gum up the works i actually was just doing it for fun i don't want to i don't want the job i was just trying to waste your time i was just trying to distract myself in practice i told them no i told them no from the get-go you know and they came back around and then i did the audition and they were like dude i would producers no never means no yeah and then when i told them i don't want to do the call back and they were like well what if we just offered it to you and then i was like oh and i was counting the money and i was like i don't know what my next [ __ ] um stand-up date will be and it was like you know i don't like the money in general but i was like it was like it was almost a million dollars i was going to turn down you know guaranteed money and i was like uh i want my own tarot card reader named danny but again i'm working on my [ __ ] for my son and if i was if i take that as you know i can't do both so i had to be like well do i take this guarantee almost million dollars or do i keep pushing the thing that i really love and i feel is my calling but i've thought other things with my calling and i was [ __ ] wrong so um and i just read with her and she was just it was very much like you could take it but you're gonna hate it you're not gonna have fun she's like she's like just believe in yourself just figure it out you'll be fine so i turned it down and um the show came out it doesn't look good because you're not in it i mean it is your career and life and and personal life is really not defined by what you say yes to about what you say no to and i look at all the things that like broke my heart that didn't happen and i look back and i'm like oh my god rejection is god's protection like whether you believe in god or not you know i love a good rhyme just it just is you know these slogans like and i know sometimes they sound like platitudes or you know whatever but they do work because at a time when your brain is over complicating something when you just keep it simple and say something super simple it just is it it is how you get to the solution because my brain can just like you were saying the mouse and the maze or whatever it is it's just like um say what you mean me would you say don't say it mean i say that all the time on this podcast i know but it's like at times when i want to overcomplicate things i have to get justice and i have to set a good example and i can't i have to it's just like say what you mean like these when you have a complicated brain when your brain's on fire sometimes just little platitudes do the trick you know halt hungry angry lonely tired like if you're angry and upset just halt are you hungry are you angry are you lonely or you're tired if you're not making any decisions that's what i do i never make any decision based off the fact that i'm tired in the moment you know because i used to i'd be like oh i don't know i'm so tired and so i'm not going to want to do that two weeks from now you know 100 percent in like and like if it's a stair close historical i think that's like an alliteration it's like a little mind trick but it kind of works and helps me remember you know so i love those little things even though they might sound like reductionists and you guys are probably getting annoyed by me um but i want to talk about psychics for a second because i you with tarot cards is kind of like me was psych i used to go to psychic and i don't know if i even believe in psychics i think we're all so deeply psychic and intuitive but we've really disconnected from our source and we've learned to doubt ourselves and and go well you're being irrational you're being emotional you're being judgmental like we really i know i have a strong intuition i've always done there's one thing my mom said about me like mom was an abusive relationship for like over a decade and she's just like she's like i should have just she's like you had the you and your sister just had intuition from the moment you met him you're like this guy's not a good guy this isn't a good person i can't explain why i can't write an essay about why but i just doesn't pass the smell test and i think we dim our superpowers a lot no you don't listen to those intuitions when you don't follow that's what is getting you as far as you've gotten you know and um i think for me a lot of it's been through like getting back into exercise getting back in the diet that um allows me because a lot of it is just being toxified you know that ruins our intuition from us i'm a firm believer in that you know when you're on stage and you're truly killing and you're kind of in that middle zone in that flow state where you're not in any time you know when you're like when you're in the present future and the past when you're like saying something in the moment when you're clocking the audience for your next joke or for the moment and you're analyzing how that joke went in the past you kind of didn't kind of learn that like oh there's more here you know um i can i don't know how to explain that unless you know but yeah yeah you know and i think that we're such a verbal species and and that's why i like like working with animals so much because um it's so non-verbal and it's about like energy exchange and i think we're so um uh you know negative about that like i feel this from this person like you know has been a stereotype as you're like dumb and ditzy or something or like do too much ayahuasca or whatever but um the reason i uh i'm going to this is is that when i went to the psychic you know i was like oh my god this woman is so psychic and i'm sure she is and you know i'm not i'm sure some are in some are like some comedians are funny some aren't funny yeah you know everyone in their job you know there's always a spectrum of how uh qualified people are for any job i'm sure so um but this woman i realized that it was like the way i was saying something whether she was psychic or not she could tell everything she needed to know by the way i was saying something so you know she'd be like so what's going on with um uh what do you want to know about your love life and i'd be like you know i like i i really like this guy jason but like i don't think it's like i just don't know if we should be together or not like i already said everything and then she's like it's not a right fit and i'm like just like you just started cringing and bending over and like going into a super dubious state about this person like you just told me everything i need to know you know so it was like a kind of interesting lesson um and and and i went to her whether she was psychic or not who knows um but because she was just like a mirror to my own like i knew it all i knew everything in my cells but i needed someone to tell me what i already knew that's my favorite knowledge usually that's why i find myself it's not like something i gain from reading a book or learn watching thing or i mean i love traveling but i find like my favorite knowledge is some of the things that you kind of unlock within yourself that was always there something that was there from before you were born and you're like oh this is i think that's what like when i truly feel like i'm getting better at comedy and sometimes the comedy story has been great for that because just because of the things you talked about it'll be like how dark it can be when i'm like oh if i can go out there and just still be [ __ ] me and i don't have to change who i am and whether it kills or not doesn't matter i'm just going to be me and get and that used to be my favorite thing is to show the comedy store and i'd watch a couple before especially if it was like real broly comics yeah and i'd watch the audience and i'd see the guys like this and i see ladies kind of like checked out and then i'd do my set and like halfway through i'd see it you know not that i'd want that but i see the reverse start to happen i see ladies perk up and be like oh i kind of like this and i see guys being like what the [ __ ] is this yeah and i was like i like this i like you don't know what this is i'm changing this for you and it makes me happy i just think yeah following your intuition and believing it is very important to just follow your gut and i think we are often taught to get away from that but it's the best thing that can serve us it's so it's um unless you're just falling you're just fearful for fear's sake but you know it's there to protect you is there to guide you and when when people are telling you to get away from that just because they want to guide you they want to control you you know and the idea is that people it's also our job to be brave encourage justin to say things no one else will say or make arguments no one else will make as a thought exercise just to like get us out of our you know heard sheep mentality but it's also our job to be super original it's to to change the energy you know um in the room and when people like that's a weird take and it's like yeah that's i hope so i hope no one's had this take before you know i the last thing i wanted someone to come up to me and go like yeah you're just like this other you remind me of this part whenever someone says that you're just like [ __ ] yeah you know or this reminds me of that person and you know i never want to be fighting for the best version of the same joke why it was so well put so well put and you know in this when i was thinking about your show um i meant to uh bring up the chris rock quote of the more specific you are the more universal you are actually you know and i always forget that cause like ah everyone's doing airplane jokes food okay i gotta do the airplane joke food you know or joke or whatever and then it's just like no it's like everyone else is doing that i didn't think anyone wanted to hear about like what it was like to be a woman or like you know and and there's still things that i'm like no one wants to hear about that and it's like that's probably the thing you should talk about you know yeah so i lean lean into is either like oh that embarrasses me i don't want to talk about well now you got to talk about that's the thing you got to talk about talk about it can i ask you what shows um you like or what you were watching in quarantine shows movies anything of course you just i told you already 90 day fiance pro wrestling did you discover anything new like did you re-watch i re-watched it we watched breaking bad that was fun i think my favorite things i watch in quarantine um i really like i just like going through and watching old sitcoms with my wife so like we watched all the living single and that was really good watching tomorrow and you know because she's so canadian and white that it's fun to like be like well you haven't seen this or that or something she's seen martin i don't think she's living single i have uh this might whatever i still think martin's the best to come ever i think it is not i mean you the funniest right kind of the funniest it might be right it's the funniest purpose because i'm thinking favorite sorry funniest yeah it probably is the funniest and i also argue ellen uh the sitcom is great was was a very very good and going back and watching it again you're like oh there's some [ __ ] here that i missed the first time i watched it i like ellen i like grace under fire i'm a big end to old christine no i don't like the show either nbc's witness um but yeah i went back and watched a couple movies that didn't hold up like did you go back back and watch in the old movies we were like oh we're not big movie people we'll watch multiple episodes of 90 day fiance or watch three hours of wrestling but a movie a commitment that because i'm not going because i knew it on show i can pull out at 20 minutes 30 minutes i got to just on a movie if i don't watch it till the end hey i don't know i mean you could i didn't turn it off but then i'm gonna miss it i don't know we tried we watched um i mean our favorite again i would say that bad trip [ __ ] like classic instant questions instant classic you know it's weird i feel like it took a second for that to i feel like i remember when i was shooting and i was like what is taking this so long to come out and uh and i guess the pandemic or whatever yeah perfect it's like what is taking you so long oh right this is like dying from a deadly virus it's a beautiful movie and it's such a um we both know eric it's such a like that's what we were talking about we're like wow that he and it's probably because you know they've worked together for so long uh but that's his voice that's his voice is this beautiful kind chaos of like my favorite thing from the opening of the movie when he's busted through the house and he stops to open the door for the lady and i go i just look over my wife and i go that's [ __ ] arrogant and i was like this movie is amazing and to me like watching a movie you know that one obviously hits succeeds at every attempt you know but even when i see something that doesn't resonate with me like i've see a couple movies that are like winning oscars and stuff i'm like as long as you made the movie you wanted to make i like this movie to me the definition of a successful movie now is that the person that made it got to make the movie they wanted to make and watching that with eric i was like dude you made the you did exactly what you set out to do you did not compromise one bit and um that adds more joy even more joy for me yeah it's beautiful because i had just been taught my wife i go i don't know when the last time i saw a comedy movie yeah that made me happy that made me laugh it didn't feel forced and cringy yeah that wasn't like awesome studio like like because my thing was like here's my uh you know my every comedy movie i've seen in the last 10 years is just throwing a weird object at a woman's head what's the weirdest thing we could hit her in the head with a dick that is so funny did you see the woody allen documentary no why would i watch that okay i don't understand i don't like i want more [ __ ] fun black stories and stuff instead of like oh why you just like no let's get another white serial killer thing let's find out more about john wayne gacy that's what we need it's so true the [ __ ] give me a [ __ ] show we already know about those [ __ ] who murder people i ain't murder nobody i have a [ __ ] viral tweet recently zero women commented about sexual assaults that i did you know how rare that is in my business give me my [ __ ] show you're like one of the only people who you don't you guys don't have to worry about like a skeleton coming out of the closet later you are the safest person to give millions of dollars to right now give it to me but no let's do the ted bunny tapes yeah we have 90 documentaries about you know what zac efron wants to play him let's make a scripted version yeah that's what the people want one of the most beloved actors on the planet to play ted bunny i kind of like ted now let's fix ted's reputation i mean he's had it too hard for too long they will it is easier to get your reputation together as a white serial killer from the 70s and 80s than it is as a black man pulled over today that's weird it's so dark it's so sick [Laughter] um i love you so much i love you too that did feel like a good exit i used so much more to say but i don't know if i'm like so any favorite jams any favorites like i don't i think it's a wrap like i don't really i don't feel like we can go back to small talk now it's just kind of i uh just like hate myself yeah i'm just ready uh to go cry um your podcast is uh getting better everyone like it is so healing it is so um medicinal it's like free medicine nice getting better your voice is so soothing it's i even like listening to you uh thank the people that help support the podcast i don't think when you're like jenny in michigan uh hope you're having a great day it's just like it's just like it's did you ever hear prairie home or it's it's mr rogers in a way yes it is it's on purpose yes hundred percent oh so that i'm not a genius for no you know you're the only person who bring it up so you kind of you're still for sure yes i won yeah no that's part of my real another conversation i was like oh you're he's like you're just kind of like you're a mr rogers who curses and smokes weed and that's okay which was my only problem with mr watchers as a kid can you curse and smoke weed and wear cooler clothes and not be like white but mixed with like a little prairie home companion you know and you also something that is so fun for me to listen to is when um you'll be like i was gonna ask you a question i forgot what it was anyway um which that to me is someone walking the walk of what they're saying like you'll just be like oh i forgot what i was gonna say and i'm like when you say that like you just i was just listening to an interview and you did that you're like i just lost my train of thought anyway so what do you think about this and i'm just like oh god it gives me permission to be able to say stuff like that like you're walking the walk and you're modeling the behavior and not just analyzing and talking about it yeah well it's um it was truly about like actually starting to listen instead of being like oh i have this one question and then when you're done with that answer i have this question ready and so it started to be like okay i have one question and then i'll listen and if it makes me remember my question great if it made me lose my train of thought that's fine i'll say that and then i'll go where your your answer led me as opposed of me trying to be like you know i'm not a [ __ ] liar king risk me rest in peace i'm not anything i'm just like oh i can listen and i'll follow along and i think it's um abandon the plan if something else comes along and i i i feel like i have this plan i have questions written and i'm like okay so you just said something super interesting can you stop because i have a question that i wrote four days ago i can't remember you know what i mean like i feel like i had to stick to some script and listening to you going like oh no just allow it to go where it's gonna go and stop trying to control it uh and like scripted and um get all your super interesting questions that you know like it just listening to your podcast is just a dream thank you i really like it i mean i really like just talking to comedians and actors or whoever wrestlers uh about um just the constant grind of things and the constant search are getting better and how it's like very similar in so many ways and that uh nobody ever feels like they made it at any point you know and to to find that out and to talk to these people and get all this free advice is very helpful for me uh because i take a lot of that advice you know and then just be able to give it to other people is just kind of like you said i'm trying to do things that i would have wanted you know because when i wanted to make a podcast i was like well there's a million [ __ ] podcasts i'm not gonna go out there i hate topical so i'm not going to [ __ ] talk about the week and review um i don't want to have a partner i don't want you know i was like i'll just talk about the things i did with my son like every morning with my son get up to school i wake him up and i go you're strong you're kind you're brave go out there and be a good guy and i was like oh like i never talk like that in comedy like let me bring that out the people and you know i just thought like and it happened where i was like oh my comedian friends will make fun of me they think or they'll think i'm trying to like become some self-help guru or some [ __ ] and it's just like no i just these are the things i like talking about these are things i talk about at home these things talk about with my wife you can talk about what my real friends you know and part of the reason i think to me part of the reason i was so scared to do a podcast i was like like i'll just feel like i'm bombing for three like i always feel like i'm bombing for three hours but it's not that's my [ __ ] because i only think i'm valuable when i'm entertaining or useful like that's i oh i'm the person that goes to parties like do you need help do me and i'll just start cleaning up because i'm like i'm only valuable if i'm useful or have a gift or am being do you need water i got no but i got double story i got love enough yeah that's one of my um when i get maybe like a younger comedian on my podcast and i'll know like like because you know it's just a different format so i'm like no we're just going to talk and and but sometimes they'll come in and they'll be like joke ready joke and if i don't and i'll i will purposely not give them anything i won't laugh and i'll just be like okay well tell me more about this you know what's going on with you that makes you think you need to tell jokes with me and my producer because they're uncomfortable yeah why are you i go or i'll just straight up and go like well you know i know you're deflecting right now but i really do want to know the answer to this question thank god i didn't go in your podcast sooner than last year that's why i rescheduled so many times but that was another thing with my wife as well is that i did that i um i would like try to joke around or like be like like oh i need to show you that i'm funny or i think one of our biggest first fights is like she was telling me some story and i was like and i just go oh that's boring and she was like what and i was like oh i'm joking i'm like i was trying to turn it around and she's like well she's like look like i don't need you to entertain me i'm with you because i like being with you and if i want you to listen to something just listen you don't have to turn it into a joke you don't have to uh uh look for a hole to poke and do it you can just be here that's what i loved about finding this is like well here's another avenue whether it's stand-up podcasting or whatever where i can truly be me and it will attract the people who it'll attract and that's one thing i love about my podcast is that i'll get people like man i love it if i'm great and i'll get people who'll go like i thought this was accordions [ __ ] [ __ ] i hated your [ __ ] affirmations but i happened to stumble across one on instagram on my back on a i was having a bad day and it hit me and i go oh now i get it now i see the value in this and now i'm [ __ ] now i'm listening every week and i'm like okay that's great that's what i'm here for i'm not here for everybody i'm not here to even i don't [ __ ] give a [ __ ] about everybody i'm here to find the people that need this i love you i love you i always end these very awkwardly that's fine you i feel like have a very elegant way that you end your shows thank you i love you like glad that you listen that makes me happy it really is like one of the few podcasts that doesn't like stress me out you know i don't feel like anyone's getting hurt i don't feel like anyone's being made fun of i don't feel like there's any low-hanging fruit like there's no like like that's you know that was unnecessary oh that was not about me like it's just like a lot of podcasts are just sort of like um um funny and great but sometimes they make they bring out they reinforce some old patterns and beliefs and yours like i never i never listened to it and i'm a worse person after just saying i'm never like oh yeah i can [ __ ] just slam you know it makes me be like oh god i gotta evolve like it makes me in a good way get inspired to like dig into the nooks and crannies and be like yeah i still have there's still more work to do in that area or like yeah we all do yeah we all do it's constant but then what if you did and then you'd be like time to die yeah like it just makes me like i get excited to get better and instead of daunted because i have so much work to do it's like no i like i can do this you know yeah more opportunities not burden more opportunities and you also speak in a way that gives me vocabulary to be able to say it to other people and like in a way that isn't shitty you know i find myself just being like you're a [ __ ] mess it finds those being like look like every now and then you can when you're hurt or insecure like it helps me uh stay patient you know thank you it's a beautiful compliment i love you i love you too you're a good friend and good person thank you i'm gonna receive that i didn't argue with you good why would you i have some stuff for your wife nice um and uh uh don't write elephants that's always how i end this and anything else you want to say say it what's chop 420 watch the golden arm the movie i'm in that's also feels good uh mary holland betsy sedero eugene cordero oh wow real fun people it's gonna be good and then it's when does it come out april 30th oh where just anywhere uh theater isn't on demand nice it should so i just google it i'll just google things and then i'll tell you what number ever it's like what network just google it yeah and watch chop 420 on discovery plus watch it so we can get the plus off that [ __ ] and then [Laughter] that is so [ __ ] funny [ __ ] i love you it's round punches [Applause]

Channel: Whitney Cummings

Views: 72,486

Rating: 4.7765894 out of 5

Keywords: whitney cummings, comedian, standup, female comic, female podcast, good for you podcast, podcast, stand up

Id: lGXv2IpBg2M

Length: 121min 47sec (7307 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 21 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/vojislavzapravo]

I had to push through last few episodes, but THIS is why I stick with GFY 💕