Ep. 125 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

can i tell you what i i hate but i also do you know i'm a hypocrite right i am i am the worst i'm the worst and everything you say about me online you're actually you're accurate i am i am that guy any opinion i have tear me down for it because i believe the other thing you believe also [Music] hey guys welcome back to the lawyer and his defendant yep my name is bert i'm the defendant this is tom he's my lawyer i'm legal counsel and he will be representing me in this case of tom what law did i break today i'm guessing it's a dui [Laughter] because i'm partying [ __ ] public drunkenness hey if you want to drink along with me let's see if you can keep up okay i'm going to see how [ __ ] up i can get what are you going to go for i'm going to really put an edge on it i'm going to quit drinking next week so why next week yeah just powerful sorry i'm reclaiming my power oh you are yep really claiming my power okay i watched a real drug addict uh be powerless to their uh themselves where'd you watch it at a party with oliver stone was that at your house whatever no i could have really used you there how come i [ __ ] it up bat ollie oh so bad wait where was it at your house it was let's get me more buzz before we talk about this okay i'd like to get as drunk as i was then as i [ __ ] showed myself in front of everyone to oliver stone what'd you do have a drink i haven't smoked my first cigarette in like 20 years yeah it's [ __ ] awesome they're good for you i can't believe i can't i'm smoking them like i'm in ninth grade again remember the first time you smoked a cigarette uh well i couldn't i couldn't do it correctly for a while me i just then i couldn't but it your lungs it takes a little bit for your lungs to get there right you got to grow up yeah did you want one you're my lawyer yeah i like looking nice do you remember where you were hey remind me to tell you about watching medea with a black family um okay the do you remember where you were your first guy [ __ ] why can't i get the sentence out do you remember where you were when you had your first cigarette uh no not really when you inhaled for the first time well i mean i kept doing it incorrectly and then i remember when i started smoking for real like i was like oh i'm gonna do this it was in l.a i was 25. wait what how do we hang on whoa whoa whoa whoa back it up yeah you sound like the greek girl that was like i'm a virgin but i let him [ __ ] me in the ass i know well here's what happened i had tried to smoke like in high school college you know people friends love their cigarettes let me try and i would be like i just caught i can't do this and then i got a i was so depressed where i needed some type of job and i i got a job as a messenger in la where like they give you hey drop this these letters off you know there's these documents yeah picked them up in santa monica drop them off in burbank at four you're just like you just drive all day and the money was so so terrible but i was just like what am i doing you know how much did you weigh at the time you were in good shape oh this is skinny tom yeah this is probably head of hair jawline tom yeah and probably starting to go downhill though like and i'm in that and and you're driving but you're driving in you're not driving fun driving you're driving in traffic and then you just walk in and be like here's these documents and then they'd be like you made eight dollars you know it was so depressing and i started smoking really yeah it was just like became like a it's the greatest thing when you had a runner job like that and smoking was the funniest thing in the world i remember low level of birds life coming out of a building and seeing that little cigarette thing and seeing a half one and then lighting it back up and finishing someone's cigarette it's before chronovirus it's before coronavirus when we were all christians and we were just fighting the commies uh you would smoke other people's cigarettes you're nasty especially if they had lipstick on them it was like you're making out it's like i was making out with a [ __ ] that's pretty hot huh yeah what what what term what do you like [ __ ] or [ __ ] better i love [ __ ] i think that's the coolest word i like [ __ ] [ __ ] comes out so quick [ __ ] like you can use affectionately like wait walk up to a bunch of girl scouts what's up [ __ ] yeah oh we are we uh what is it called lance a girl scout manager whatever yeah hey um first time i smoked a cigarette she manages those little [ __ ] yeah ah they're gonna get so upset yeah yeah she is uh what do they call it boothing she booths you like to whisper in like uh are you a little [ __ ] you like do you do that like no i like i like calling people [ __ ] yeah i love the word [ __ ] and you know you're not people are really get offended by that word i've heard this yeah it's so [ __ ] crazy it's just like i say [ __ ] a lot it's just a word just a word n-word right i mean [Laughter] just a word what's the problem because you're always telling me you're always like look man you're like there's black people [Music] do you think you're like there's two different kinds you know you know do you see do you see kamau bell's documentary on bill cosby w come on bell yeah w kamau bells i'm sorry come out yeah i have not seen it [ __ ] really good i heard you've heard this from multiple sources it's really [ __ ] good we need to talk about cosby that's what it's called yeah we need to talk about cosby yeah and it's [ __ ] good man and he's getting a lot of hate on it because i guess you know i guess worry can you see it oh it's show time come on is an interesting [ __ ] dude man he's a he's a really bright guy and he's you know it's funny he's he he was born a meathead's body you know what i mean he's a [ __ ] big dude he's a big dude he doesn't have to be smart he could have just he could have just been a dude why did you [ __ ] read yeah come on um yeah no he's a big dude he is he's a yeah but what's interesting is it's a [ __ ] fascinating documentary they talk about they talk about hannibal a little bit oh right because like that's what first kind of got things on people's radar i've never talked to animals just the fact that have you ever talked to him yeah i did yeah a while ago um and he talked about in his act and like on stage he would talk about um people then you know giving him [ __ ] about it too yeah well it's i guess in the in the culture it's you don't it's like snitches get stitches yeah and and to and it is complicated and i have to say this and come out w come out i'm just going to calm come out just so that when i'm not being disrespectful but kamau points this out is that bill crosby did so much for black people what are you laughing did i say something horrible nadav no you're good okay just let me know if i say something horrible i'm pretty [ __ ] lit today um but he did so much for the advancement of of black people in hollywood he really did and he didn't ask for any accolades he didn't bring it up he the one big one they talk about this is [ __ ] crazy stunt men before bill cosby were just white dudes painted black not not not brown black they just covered them in black like [ __ ] paint and they're like you'll do just jump off that train and bill cosby's like how about we hire a black dude for this and they're like um i don't know more comfortable painting white people black and bill cosby changed that he changed that so it is complicated because i'll tell you man i [ __ ] cosby show is a big deal for me cosby show that was huge i wanted my dad to be like bill cosby like for real like i thought he was like the coolest dad in the world it was great the show has been it's a phenomenal such a fantastic show yeah and then and then jerry seinfeld you know that he would he would watch rehearsal so like on sitcoms you know there's you have like your table read days and then you would and then you have the um like the shoot day they run the the scenes right yeah and everybody you know you'd still have like maybe your your script i don't know you're saying your lines and they're blocking it out and then the director's like drop that line let's do this cosby would stand with the director and watch them do the scene so he would and then he would be like calculating [Music] you know how to play the scene with and he wouldn't be in it like he wouldn't be rehearsing with them so it was he was also like fresher on those takes and dropping lines and stuff that he thought was funny you know it uh it's pretty undeniable what he did yeah you're like like what's so funny is that the media didn't cover it quite as honestly as this doc covers it like you the first chick what maybe one of the first chicks he assaulted comes on she's so so crystal clear about her about what happened to her that no one in the history of the world could ever watch that not go oh yeah she was sexually assaulted no no one yeah and and the media kind of gave it like the media played both sides of it in a weird way really i remember when when when it started coming out there were people saying i want to say like i'm oh i don't i say allegedly but like i want to say whoopi goldberg defended bill gosby well everybody was like hold on these are accusations and and like what's insane to me is you know obviously it's like where is whoopi goldberg when that happens to other people because this was pretty crystal clear i don't mean to show all my people i like whoopi a lot i like her a lot yeah yeah uh he was a prolific rapist i mean uh his numbers are like yeah it's like it's like astronomical yeah and he was like was he not did he not have sex if they weren't drugged i don't think so i think that's the thing is like people always said you know why if you're famous and wealthy 60 women accuse me and what they say in the document 60 that accused him you know there's at least 120. of course but i'm saying people always talk about if he's famous and wealthy he can have sex with anyone all kinds of women and it's true but the thing is i'm not bill cosby and there's a bunch of eights out there that would [ __ ] me yeah but here's the thing he doesn't want that what he enjoyed was drugging and raping that's what he liked so that's why he did that and not just be like oh hey i'm a celebrity it's so [ __ ] up yeah it's pretty [ __ ] up do you think if he had never do you think if he had never gone anti-black meaning like he started coming out against black culture like lecturing where's that famous what are you naming these pound cake yeah yeah cake speech right and he's like you know yeah he's like you think he had never done that then hannibal never would have had a problem with him yeah well he and if hannibal hadn't spoke up nothing would have come up this maybe we don't know that no uh we can pretty much certainly realize it oh yeah 100 there's no way if hannibal hadn't brought this up it would have been swept under the rug he already had a deal over it nbc to do another sitcom he had a deal at nbc but we don't know what i'm saying is do we know pound geek space bay am i having strokes it's like i think i think faster than i talk so what does he say do it in bill cosby speech go ahead tom but these people the ones up here in the balcony fought so hard i think i'm turning into not bill cosby yeah they're not stealing coca-cola yeah okay that's what he said people were getting shot in the back of the head over a piece of pound cake no one should know we were all running our outrage the cops shouldn't have shot him what the hell was he doing with the pancake in his hand i wanted a piece of pancake just as bad as anybody else and i looked at it and i had no money and something called parenting said if you get caught with it you're going to embarrass your mother no you're going to get your butt kicked no you're going to embarrass your family yeah but i remember there was a thing the the the hannibal thing where he was like he was like i hate these uh like these older black guys who are like oh pull your pants up like because i think you know cosby made some yeah yeah yeah i don't what's interesting is that had his son never been murdered i don't think bill cosby would it's interesting the sliding door effect that all right if his son had never been murdered by some [ __ ] well i don't even know what color the person that killed his son was i think i think his might have been a gang banger i'm guessing only because it was the eight like early 90s and that seemed like ennis was his name yeah ennis cosby sad that his son that's really horrific stop the murder venice cosby wasn't he wasn't he murdered by a russian guy no am i wrong no yeah i mean that could be yeah oh ukrainian born mikhail i wouldn't say you can't say that's what it says you can't say that sorry just say he's a white guy all right oh he was high to rob him [ __ ] guys in prison sweet so it had nothing to do with dennis cosby and this crosby is killed by a ukrainian yeah why the [ __ ] didn't his pound cake speech would that be mal what to give that we also gave an anti-ukrainian speech well i guess we can't break serious about that all right anyway uh it's good doc it's a good doc it's a good doc and and uh w kamau i'm just going to say [ __ ] come out come out does a great job just does a great job i know i apologize come out you can call me brent crystal's all you want the uh it does a great job it really is a fantastic documentary and he i don't think he planned on being in the documentary meaning voicing in it oh but his involvement really brought it to life i i thought yeah because uh i maybe also i know him so and i know his brain i know how his brain thinks it was kind of nice to have his voice in there yeah um is it a multi-part series four four episodes those four episodes okay yeah do you watch tim and palmy pump tim and pommy someone's gonna [ __ ] call me out on this episode and go bert you gotta stop drinking you're not talking right uh they do that every episode but um pam and tommy i have not seen that no i'm watching the what am i watching the anna the anna thing on uh on netflix it's called inventing anna yeah i mean the number one trending show on netflix uh okay which is madea no it's inventing and no it's medea go to netflix right now the number one trending show on netflix is medea okay tyler perry is a goddamn genius well yeah tyler perry we need to we need to follow tyler perry's lead and do what he did oh 100 yeah can i tell you the brilliance of this [ __ ] movie yeah tell me first and foremost he gets a bunch of very talented actors to go in and by the way i apologize tyler if i'm whittling down the brilliance of what you do into what me and him think but like very very talented actors to go into a scene and [ __ ] around have fun i think they have a script they kind of play around with the script a little bit and they just bust balls and have it's so good and he has great characters that are the archetypes of like like uncle joe is uh is is archie bunker right oh [ __ ] my dad's calling me hold on hey i went to uh i went last night it was [ __ ] amazing i know i got a bunch of texts from you okay yeah pretty amazing food isn't it yeah i'm doing uh two bears with tom right now oh i'm sorry i'll talk to you later love you bye it's weird that i say i love you and he didn't say i love you back i thought about that yeah i love you he's like cool but what tyler perry's done is he has created a it's almost like a sitcom in a movie like you know the characters you know you love the characters i i only saw it i saw my first minute have you ever seen a media movie um i've seen bits and pieces i have not seen the whole thing what is number three right is that a new thing it's brand new brand new medea uh i think i just wanna come out of the closet i just wanna point out that inventing anna's in front of it what what is media at right now three what is it what's the name of it medea homecoming yeah it's a new one it's a new one yeah and by the way is this what you watched i watched it it's awesome it's awesome but i want to preface it it's awesome yeah it's not going to sound right okay this is why they love you bert it's uncle joe is uncle joe is [ __ ] hilarious uncle joe's a character joe's media well he's toddler perry okay and the character's uh racist sexist homophobic amazing so it's is he's just [ __ ] i mean like it's the things that you're not right there yeah uncle joe's in the black lives matters he goes to [ __ ] dinner they go to red lobster right red lobster and one of the [ __ ] one of the cousins is first of all uncle joe hits on his grandniece he hits on and he's like i wouldn't mind hitting that [ __ ] and they're like we're ken and he's like i don't care blood doesn't matter like is it [ __ ] uncle joe says everything it's a great character it's a great character and and and what tyler perry does in this movie is he and i haven't seen the whole movie i passed out on the plane why i tried to watch the rest of it what he does is he sets up he sets up great plot devices where you don't know where it's going yeah you don't know like he's he he sets it up where you go you go they're gay and then and then halfway through you're like are they gay or is the dad gay or but uncle joe is [ __ ] hilarious and so is medea dude i enjoyed it now i gotta privacy this i saw i saw the movie with a large black family so i think that might have influenced influenced it because when you watch it how did you watch this with a black family so uh david lucas we were making georgia we were in georgia we were making georgia yeah and david lucas was uh working with us that weekend and he said my family is in macon we'd love to cook you guys lunch and so we go to his mom's house by the way i don't i don't want to tell david lucas's story but it's so [ __ ] fascinating mom's got a great [ __ ] house that all the family lives together like a big almost like a compound it's really [ __ ] badass it really is [ __ ] badass so when he says you're coming to my mom's house we came his uncle was theirs auntie was there everyone was there everyone was there like kids were there it was [ __ ] awesome and you just went like midday midday had some uh had some [Music] some trout and some redfish and uh deep fried grit cheese grits uh cold beers tequila nice if someone relies on your financial support whether it's a child an aging parent or even a business partner like tom segura you need life insurance that's so funny we were literally talking about this at dinner last night policy genius is your one stop shop to find and buy the insurance you need click the link in the description or head to policygenius.com and slash two bears one cave and answer a few quick questions in minutes you can compare personalized quotes from the top companies to find your lowest price you could save 50 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age i love using water i'm on the tour bus i wish i could put a hello tushie on the tour bus i don't know if i can i never even tried that i feel like an animal cleaning with just paper if you got [ __ ] all over your hands you would clean it with soap and water correct but yeah you get it on your butthole and then you just don't do anything about it isn't it crazier than 200 2022 we have high-speed internet celebrities have gone to space electric cars and yet people are still cleaning their asses like the victorian styles just with a piece of paper wiping it come on baby stop spreading your business around your butthole with toilet paper start washing with hello tushy bidets the hello toshiba day attachment washes your bum with fresh water for a way better clean than toilet paper simply spray pat and dry attaches to your existing toilet no electrician no plumber installs in less than eight minutes cuts down your toilet paper use by eighty percent saving to you money and waste makes your restroom the best restroom the best room and the complete tushy system including the tushy bidet ottoman and toilet brush hello toshi has cleaned over one million happy bums join them and take care of your business for the cleaner way i want all our listeners to have cleaner bums visit hellotushy.com bears to get 10 percent off plus free shipping right now that's hellotushy.com bears for 10 off so then we found that we the white dudes my group and with david's with his family obviously my group was hanging by themselves they weren't we weren't mingling and i said let's go in like let's mingle i feel like we're not we're talking about comedy or whatever the [ __ ] we're talking about so we go into the living room and they're like you guys are leaving and we're like no we came in to hang out and then we're like oh okay well sit down let's watch medea which i might got to say this as honest it's just it's like something i've never watched in a million [ __ ] years yeah never in a million years would i ever watch a media movie ever it's just not on my radar of what i like and like and you know i like like movies based around hip-hop and stuff i don't know it's not it's just medea it seems like a church thing it seems like uh yeah like it just doesn't it doesn't seem like on my radar of comedy we start watching it and to to experience this with a large black family is fascinating and i said this to them i said this to them but it's like so uncle joe's best friend catches on fire in the beginning spoiler alert he catches on fire in the beginning of the movie and medea yeah you just ruined it yeah people medea uh ghost get him glass water and then changes it and gets them a cup of water you know a little joke but someone in the back is like oh she's getting a cup of water right like like they point out the j which made you enjoy the joke a lot more right sorry start and then she goes to grab the hose someone goes oh the hose ain't even working and it's like this is maybe just commentary yeah it's commentary it's commentary the whole i've been to black movie theaters it was so enjoyable that by the time that the two gay dudes sit down with uncle joe we're all [ __ ] howling laughing it made the experience so much better it was almost like they were like putting spice on everything yeah to make it better and by the time the meal came you're like [ __ ] salt this [ __ ] yeah oh you gay [ __ ] like it was it was uh we were crying we were crying that's what uncle joe that's how i'm doing impression on uncle joe i'm am i getting canceled my point is one of my favorite experiences i've ever had one of my favorite experiences i've ever had that i i could not it was so much [ __ ] fun and and and now i gotta be honest with you i wanna watch media movies yeah because i i slept on something that is good it's the same [ __ ] i talk about with that [ __ ] luke bryant concert yeah sleep on something that's good and you do it out of like this like i don't know i i don't think i'd get it and then you got why not look at that business model he's built where he's in atlanta what does he make what's uh what's uh how tyler pereira make a movie for i'm a guest i'm gonna guess five million dollars seven i'm at 10 million dollars i bet he makes 10 million movies yeah let's see five point five six million how much was home well they're they're they're going up also as he's gotten much more yeah but i bet the [ __ ] good one was 20 million right now is what he's making him for yeah i'm telling you man he's getting paid i i i'm putting this out there if someone could get us to tyler williams tyler perry god damn it man what the [ __ ] is wrong with me i'm not speaking at all today it's great tyler perry i would love to take a meeting with tom i'll fly to atlanta to take a meeting with tyler perry and talk about how he his business model yeah because it's [ __ ] all i could think tommy was in watching that is how much fun we would have making a movie like calipari oh yeah it's like it's very it's very uh it's very simple uh meaning um uh locations yeah very simple very like uh i i actually think i know exactly where he shoots it in just outside atlanta he has his own studios there yeah yeah i think i know i know exactly where he shoots it it used to be uh army hangers it used to be a base yeah yeah it's out in uh peach tree city right i forget i was i was there once see where his studios are yeah they're like it's it's a brilliant business model he's a [ __ ] fascinating dude yeah he [ __ ] and you know when you do your own thing like that it's like we say [ __ ] up things on this podcast and i think our it's i know it's in atlanta but it's it's not it's outside atlanta um we say [ __ ] up this is the beauty of what it is so like we say [ __ ] up all right i say [ __ ] up things on this podcast all the time and people that watch the podcast get it right yeah and if you don't watch the podcast you take it out of context then you're kind of a little bit of a snitch you're like you're like oh look what these guys said and that's the beauty about tana perry's movies is like you could take things out of context and be like look at what he's saying sure but his character saying it it's meant for comedy's purpose and it was [ __ ] great and his fan base is never going to do that no no no no god man it was so cool it was cool to see them at trending at number one on netflix they were number one this week that's cool yeah look at this look at that studio a lot that's pretty cool yeah it's would you do a movie if you had to wear full [ __ ] makeup like full like prosthetics and stuff i mean it depends on the part and the i can tell you all i thought about when i watched this movie being santa claus no i really [ __ ] up oh what i should have played igor in my movie oh really i thought about that i should have [ __ ] put on a put on prosthetics like a [ __ ] forehead or something and i should have played the train i should have played train igor it's not exactly how he works it's too confusing there's too many [ __ ] igors in this movie yeah but uh um i [ __ ] i i literally watch out and i want god damn it man [ __ ] i should have [ __ ] played how fun would that have been if you saw me come out and i was like [ __ ] i would have done a horrible job and i'm sure i would have gotten in trouble for appropriation have you seen britney spears's instagram [Music] yeah i'm we might have to cancel dinner tonight i'm pretty [ __ ] late there we go dude speaking taking little steps of okay we'll do this first what's the matter no no no speaking of what no i just it doesn't look good man this uh that that one on the right there yeah it's like it's on the eyes man you can tell something is really off with somebody when you look in their eyes you know and like people who are mentally ill have a look in their eyes that you can't really you can't really do do you think she's mentally ill i thought she looks great by the way just to be fair she looks fantastic okay do you think do you think she is mentally ill yeah i don't mean like this is a i mean it's somebody who has something some issue that they need help with i just realized i just realized something when you said that i see these and i go she looks beautiful so sure why not put these up but the truth is look at her look at her eyes man the truth is guys does that look like you know what i mean like just like regular healthy kind of look in someone's eyes i don't to me it doesn't the thing is is i look at those naked pictures and i and i you up no no i no i i i i saw them and i went she looks great you know her body looks great or whatever yeah but i don't see the fact that someone took those her husband i'm guessing or her fiance took them and their eyes and then posted them they didn't wake up the next morning and be like what the [ __ ] did i do like i've taken how many times have you taken naked pictures of me a few yeah and then and then i wake up the next morning and i'm like hey let's let's not you know obviously i was [ __ ] up let's not do that right and then you posted them anyway to facebook and then they got taken down thank god yeah i still have a i have a bunch good um i love britney i love britney she is such a [ __ ] but it's like right now is like such the judge for that conservatorship trial has to be like i just feel like this is somebody who at some point will get the help they need and look at this time in their life in these photos and be like yeah i really needed some help back then you know that's how that's how it reads to me her [ __ ] fiance is gorgeous you seen this guy no who's that he's just [ __ ] gorgeous sam saragati or something this guy okay that's look at this [ __ ] jawline in this nose his [ __ ] oh yeah his body's gorgeous jesus iranian what is he a celebrity or like uh no i don't think he does anything i think he's an actor maybe he's an actor either that he plays football he's [ __ ] jacked he's jacked he's gorgeous american okay so they got engaged tehran iran he's six too he uh they got engaged that's why they ended up going down to the beach they got engaged she bought him a [ __ ] hey go to us go to his instagram hey do you know this watch that she got they got she bought him or he bought himself now that he's the conservator you know it's a good watch when you're wearing gloves to put it on what's this watch oh this is oh this is this is what oh my god hey britney hey jamie lynn's beers you got to be [ __ ] kicking yourself in your country ass right now going how did we lose this conservatorship your boy's buying watches on the reg that's got to be what 215 000. it's it's yeah those are so hard usually you have to get you have to be in line you have to wait listed you know you know sometimes you have to get your father or someone's father off their conservatorship to get one i mean what the [ __ ] dude like this like i mean seriously it's like it here's the deal right so you guys get a hold of my mind what does this guy do though he's an actor he's go he's gorgeous he's an actor he's good he's pointed out you've pointed out he's gorgeous a number of times he's [ __ ] gorgeous oh it's not okay hacks hbo like okay he's an actor all right see what he i don't think what he understands is this is negatively influencing his career he doesn't understand that he's posting a picture of you getting a watch right and clearly he didn't buy that watch brittany bought that watch for him well no there's no way he can afford it i look i i may i'm more i i make more money in this guy i can't afford that [ __ ] watch i love when you're like this yeah but this is ridiculous it's [ __ ] ridiculous but here's the thing so you okay hold on so you're you're in love right you're in love okay you're in let's just say you're in love let's just say i'm in love okay hold on i'm in love the girl you're in love with is worth what's typing brittany's what net worth give me a number i thought it'd be more okay your girl you're in love with is worth 60 million dollars okay right and and you don't and you guys are having a hard time getting like uber eats because you're not in control of the money you can't go on vacation the way you guys want to because you're not in control of the money right right you can't you can't get a car like i mean just like just drive around car like if you want a nice one because you can afford you have 60 million you can't get that right she does she she does but you're just like hey we should have a second car she's like well let's get a let's get a a yukon denali mm-hmm and the conservative ship says no you can get a ford explorer and you're like well hold on we were looking at them we want the uconn denali and they're like you can get the ford explorer and you're like right so you talk to her and you say i think this conservative ship is [ __ ] [ __ ] we should get rid of it let's go to court let's rally public opinion you do that you win your money back as the boyfriend that's in love with the girl worth 60 million do you then do a video of you receiving a 215 thousand dollar watch i don't think you yeah that's that's the part that's a little gross about it where you're like you're like we got ubereats and i bought this [ __ ] aquanaut it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like to me yeah and and then and then also do you film her naked on the beach well you're you're underestimating how much i'm in love with it right now okay pitch it back to me i'm super in love it's britney spears no pitch back to me and i'll tell you what a hypocrite i am okay okay go ahead so you're having a tough time buying lunch all right i'm [ __ ] livid right now okay hold on i'm livid i'm [ __ ] through the roof if i gotta go through britney spears dad to get [ __ ] lunch yeah keep it going by the way sam i'm on your side on this one keep going and uh they give you a gas card but they don't you get a car and uh you can buy snacks and stuff and then and i got to deal with her dad going like hey man hey man what else did you buy at the exxon did you buy m ms oh yeah i bought m m's i was [ __ ] hungry like whoo that's amazing how quick i can flip-flop on my own opinion yeah keep going keep going get me to the point where i get a naked on the beach you got six packs of gum jesus christ yeah i'm sorry sam or uh jamie lynn your daughter's worth 60 million dollars and you're kind of [ __ ] handcuffing us here we like gum so [Laughter] so you then now i'm actually angry right now and i could tell i'm actually angry so now because you know i feel like this happens with my money keep going really yeah but my wife are you kidding me i have no control over our [ __ ] money how come keep going keep going let's get to a [ __ ] real place on this so you go to court they rule in your favor and now your first hand is to buy a [ __ ] watch yeah [ __ ] i'm about to watch and i'll put it on instagram and i'm letting her dad see guess what [ __ ] we're back [ __ ] yeah we're back god damn it makes so much sense yeah now you get it okay it's amazing it was amazing you did flip pretty quickly hey guys welcome to our new segment on two bears one cave called full circle with bird christ your full [ __ ] circle now i mean it's gorgeous what's that he is gorgeous she's really got a thing for like uh middle eastern dudes really yeah check out britney spears's ex-boyfriends i all have dark hair justin timberlake broke her heart with blonde hair with bronze tips maybe and then she said i'm going [ __ ] ethnic look at this column feral dark hair dark skin dane cook she did a dean cook did she who's the one in the middle that's kevin featherline oh okay well i mean you know dan cook has a swim a pool swimmer have you seen this a pool swimmer yeah no no you mentioned it [ __ ] all right keep going keep going no no no yeah go back go back let me see your boyfriends wait hold on hold on i want to go to why you don't have any control of your money you said let's get it to a reality let me tell you how much money i make to be not honest with you i couldn't even tell you how do you not know this i don't know what i surround my i i i'll be honest i'll be honest with you like sometimes you'll tell me how much money i make on something and i'll go cool and i'll tell someone else but then that's the number i stick with for like five years it's like remembering how old your kids are you know how like people go how is your kids you're like i don't know four and six and they're like they're actually eight and ten you're like move same whatever but that's the bad example that's a bad example but like remember when remember when they were like remember they were like 12 months and six months yeah yeah and then you'd be like i don't know twelve and six months they're like it's 18 months you're like yeah yeah and so i don't i'm not aware and maybe a bad thing to say out loud to everyone listening i'm not aware of how much money i make on a show i know what my guarantee is right right so i right you know that you know the two things you can always do i mean i'm just saying you can always and then you have to deal with anybody else call your agent be like what did i make on this gig yeah and you can always call your business manager and be like what came in from various things i'll tell you what i'll tell you what i just started doing this this is going to blow you away yeah i just started getting attached to the um breakdown from the weekend from shows like you get a night breakdown they tell you how much money you made i just started getting that i think it's bad i think it's bad yeah i like not knowing how much money i make because i save more money oh okay and then if you know how much money you make then you all sudden you're like then i you know it's funny i i'm i liked it and leanne kind of keeps it from me a little bit like she kind of like not keeps it from me but like we get at the end of every year i get like a pie graph of like where my money came from yeah how much money i made and when you see that you're like oh that's a good year i think i'm always stuck in travel channel money i think i always think five thousand dollars a week that's my brain things got you 5 000 a week was i remember making five thousand dollars a week on x show and i was and i thought i did the math wrong i thought i was a millionaire and i was like i'm a millionaire and my buddy eddie was with me he was like you are he's just like you are let's go to vegas and i was like let's go to vegas and so when we talk about strip clubs like la la the other night and i talk about regret can you go when you spend a thousand dollars on strip clubs yeah that's regret i don't ever want to live with but what about what'd you do when you went to the strip club this time uh we spent money but it was for everyone else it was like it was really actually really nice i ended up talking to the [ __ ] cocktail waitress all night um what happened when i went to the strip club and this is a from a yeah what happened when i went to the strip club last night is i walked in and someone wanted to take a picture with me i said to the bouncer hey man this has happened we've gone to strip clubs on the road i really enjoy them i think it's growing up in florida you go there girls are topless you're having cocktails you're talking it's fun i talked to leanne literally walking into the strip club i was facetime with leanne so totally cool um but i said to the bouncer i said hey man just give me a heads up people are going to want to take pictures with me i need you to stop that i can't stop it like i can't like i look like a dick if i'm like man i'll do pictures you know i look like i'm creepy like hey man no cameras like yeah i'm in a strip club i'm full access to everyone so if they want to take pictures and take pictures he was super confused he was like do you think people are going to take pictures with you and i was like hold on i'm just saying there's no pictures in this strip club correct and he was like no they can take pictures and i was like all right i'm going to be taking pictures all [ __ ] night and he was like huh he was a little bit they allow pictures i took pictures all [ __ ] night really yeah because i g the second i go in there then i believe that people came up to you i'm just saying i thought it'd be a strange policy i thought so too i've had it happen in strip clubs before i go to the it never makes sense for them when i walk in i always say hey man just so you know if someone will take a picture of me i'm going to send them to you so that you can shut it down because i don't want to shut it down so i want to take a picture of anyone that wants to take a picture with me sure i also don't mind the first time it ever happened was almost on bert conker and i had to go outside the strip club and all the strippers put their clothes on and they came out and took pictures and i ruined the night for everyone do you brett earnest was with me that night and he was like you [ __ ] suck bro you [ __ ] suck so last night or the other night whatever last night uh you go with you go with the whole group yeah yeah yeah the whole group we all went did you guys anybody get their pee pee touched uh just lap dances like regular dances but lap dances so like lap dances i won't get a lap dance now because it uh because i got one one time and someone videotaped me getting a lap dance and i was like uh i mean and land's cool with lap dances totally cool but i don't want to be videotaped because out of context it's that [ __ ] snitch video yeah yeah where you're like ugh and so then last night there was no there was like i was like i'm not getting laptops everything's out in the open i'm not gonna be where everyone can videotape me and people were taking pictures of me in the strip club and so i was like can i get into a private area where we can hang out and drink and stuff and so we went back to the back but it still wasn't private just in the corner unless people were still taking pictures of me and and uh which i'm fine with and look look i got nothing to hide with me and leanne but it's the [ __ ] outside opinion of yeah of me being in a strip club i thought that would just be like a universal policy of strip clubs is not that nope not in texas interesting texas strip clubs are a little different they're more a little more like a party place oh and so when we were at the people were like hey we're going to after this i think uh take the name of the strip club out just so i don't want to get because i'd like to go back there but keep that part in and so uh and so yeah so if it's so you went with people that were at the restaurant yeah with a huge group oh birthday party a birthday party so they told you we're going there were they like hey we're going here and i was like we'll go with you and they they knew me they were the chefs and they the servers it was the people that worked there was having the birthday party there yeah so we went with them it was great it was really great she was turning 49 and she was having issues with it she looked [ __ ] amazing party you look way better than me and she's like there's no way you're 49. i was like this is what i'm talking about uh it was like by the way i to this day i think strip clubs are one of the cooler things you can do at the end of the night like late night they are very cool do you what's christina's rule about strip clubs with you um i don't i mean i i don't have like a strip club policy no it's not really something that i've last time i was at a strip club it was a i think a bachelor party and it was but some guys have to call their chick and green light it um colin greenlight yeah i don't think i would be like is it okay but i would probably just mention that i had done it or you know was going to do it yeah i wouldn't want to be like super secretive about it i remember leanne was that christina's bachelor party oh yeah she was like hey there's a male dancer here yeah i want to get a lap dance is that okay and i was like are we supposed to be green lighting with these with each other because i'm not really reaching out to you and they all blew him you know that they all had a they had a [ __ ] contest the [ __ ] i guess he like painted leanne's dick with his with her face with his dick she was like that was not what i thought it was gonna be i was like really she's like that was aggressive i was like yeah yeah it's a [ __ ] lap dance he's a male hoe he's got a donkey [ __ ] yeah and he's going to use it on your fate for sure the uh yeah i don't nadav do you i was last time you were the strip club um i think some point i think the last time i was at a strip club i watched a ufc fight so like maybe three years ago four years ago i enjoy them it's like it's like a [ __ ] it was a thing it was a thing in florida growing up in florida yeah that was how you spent the end of the night yeah at the end of the night you went to a stroke club that was the after hours also i remember experiencing only those for the first times and then going to a strip club in north carolina when i was in college and i was like oh my god i guess the b team lives here like it is a dramatic difference hardcore yeah tampa florida strip clubs are high-end yeah and it's it it really does it's funny the grooming you get in in florida of how to behave in a strip club is a little different because like we go in last night and we grab a table in the corner we kind of hang out have drinks and the girls come by and you're i mean i'm always like no no we're good we're good we're good but like that's not how everyone behaves a lot of the i think in florida maybe they get paid more because like like i i definitely like i don't mind giving girls money to hang out with us and sit with us but i don't need a [ __ ] lap dance i don't i'm not there to [ __ ] i'm there to hang out and party you know that that's part of the way florida was yeah but i don't know well whatever right now there's people going i'm going to [ __ ] strip club right now i'm going to go to a strip club right now yeah did you get a conversation going with him are you like hey what are you how's school going do you talk to them about like what they're up to well i i talked to the the cocktail waitress the whole night she was like i didn't i didn't know who the [ __ ] you were i was like yeah isn't that uh funny when people apologize they go i'm sorry but i didn't know who you were you're like no it's okay yeah they're like no i mean sorry man i just never heard you you're like you already said it i got it you don't have to say it again and they're like my bad can i tell you what i can i tell you what i i hate but i also do you know i'm a hypocrite right i am i am the worst i'm the worst and everything you say about me online you're accurate you're accurate i am i am that guy any opinion i have tear me down for it because i believe the other thing you believe also i'm the worst i've said this before i'll say it again i was walking through a very high high-end uh outfitters uh in on the road i love going to outfitter shops and i reached and felt a pair of pants and i said what are these and the woman said viori i said the ori sponsor is my podcast what the these are insane they're the softest pants i've ever felt in my life when my wife says let's put on comfy clothes and watch a movie these are them but you can also wear them outside they are your clothes are incredibly versatile comfortable and they're designed to look great for your everyday life their core shorts are super comfortable lined with athletic shorts they're sunday performance joggers are the ones i mean if you're looking for a lounge around pair of pants these are they but what's great is you can wear them to work and just take them out on a jog they're perfect for any workout or activity inside the gym or outside the gym fury is an investment in your happiness and for our listeners they're offering 20 off your first purchase get yourself some of the most comfortable versatile clothes on the planet at fiore.com bears that's v u o r i dot com slash bear is not only going to receive 20 off your first purchase but you'll enjoy free shipping on any u.s order over 75 dollars and free returns go to viori.com bears and discover the versatility of your clothing i hate when people go uh like see you having a moment or like people are taking pictures with you and then some old white woman goes who are you yeah who are you i do that all the time yeah i do it all the time yeah i do it like for me it's a different thing but like but i don't go who are you i'll go like you that those are the words you have to use so who are you like you say that and i've done it i do it like you if you're shooting a movie or shooting a tv show and you have cameras around and people are watching and they're like what so what is this right man i did that right outside my neighborhood there was a shooting thing and i was like so what are you guys shooting i i couldn't help myself yeah and i hate when people do it because you realize it's like it's a very natural instinct yeah yeah and that's the thing is at least i'm acknowledging what a broken individual i am but like but like yeah i i do that if i see a [ __ ] tv set yeah like movie thing up i'm always like what's going on over here you guys got a permit shooting a porn the uh yeah the other thing is i've had someone see me getting my picture taken and then they go they go i want one and you're like and then they go like i had no idea who you are i'm like what like what are you doing they're like i don't know i saw other people taking a picture so that's the best one yeah the uh yeah that was happening in the strip club is as soon as the cameras as soon as the camera comes out in the strip club and you see a flash light and then all of a sudden everyone wanted pictures and so i ended up sitting with the cocktail waitress who got me [ __ ] wasted yeah you said and then you're back on it today yeah she was awesome man she was so cool she really was like she was so cool that i was like if you're trying to drug me and bring me back to your house you're on the right path because she brought in heinekens she brought six to me and put him on ice she was like i don't have to go back and forth and then sat with me she goes tuesday night was it tuesday night monday night yeah she goes our weekend ended sunday night like that's we're done we should not have anyone here she goes i guess you told people you were coming here and i was like i did i put it on social media yeah oh yeah maybe that was why i was taking pictures all night how do you not put that together yeah i did put it i walked out shirtless i walked shirtless and then said we're going god damn it [ __ ] cut those out i'm suddenly a part of this um but we uh can i tell you what's crazy tell me rogan was sitting in the same seat i was sitting in 10 minutes before i got there yeah is that bizarre somewhat i mean it's a popular restaurant and it's it's uh he loves it i'm sure everybody who lives here probably loves it it's really good you go out to eat how often well you know right now we're on the road [ __ ] no no no no with you and push you're in the box on a regular i'm talking about right now for real or right now for real i mean not that often how often how often do you push and the boys go out to eat not often really yeah it happens like have you taken a family vacation like family vacation where like family vacation yet yeah we've taken a couple trips i mean it's been a while can i pitch that i go with you guys be a little bit of a rodeo clown fat stick shows up hey fat sticks take them in the pool for a little while yeah yeah yeah i i would love that okay i would love for me and leanne to go on vacation with you guys but we just here's the deal we show up same location what you do and then i kind of like like almost like i'm a ghost right yeah it's like pretend the kids don't know i'm there and i'm like hey what's up guys and they're like like oh fat sticks and i go yeah what do you guys you guys want to go get some ice cream and they're like my dad's right there i was like don't tell him let's go get ice cream they would 100 percent ditch us for your ice cream what if they what if i was like the santa claus of vacations where they didn't know if i was real or not and like our vacations are amazing you know fat sticks shows up i'll be like come on guys don't start making things up yeah and then and do you know what else we have to do you know what else is doing now what he goes uh he goes do you have candy crush on your phone i'm like yeah he goes what level are you on i'm like i don't know i've been played in a while but i was really good at it so i'm up there he's like i'm sure i'm higher than you and i go i don't think so and he goes what level i go can i tell you you're not doing ellis's voice right yet oh i'm not not yet not yet okay have you guys met ellis ellis has got a stunt man's voice yeah he's got like a raspberry but he goes uh he's a man already at [ __ ] four yeah he's a man like his his voice is like it's like uh [ __ ] him out you got a lighter he's got that [ __ ] you know what i mean he's got a smoker's voice like like as you do it you go but it's more like a there's a there's an energy to ellis's voice that is so like danger is right around the corner and i'm looking for it yeah he likes it he loves it he loves anything that's breaking or like you know he loves like looking for his energy on his eyes is so [ __ ] bizarre because he it's like he has big ideas but he doesn't know what they are yet like it's an interesting [ __ ] child when he goes what level you on i go i'm on uh i just make i don't know what level i haven't played it in like i go 212 he's like i'm on 108. so mine's higher i go that's not higher and he goes i'm on a million and i'm like i go your line goes no i'm not and i go show me show me he goes no i don't want to do it anymore [Applause] [Laughter] we should we should this is going to sound aggressive we should take one of isla's eggs and one of ellis's seeds and in 20 years mesh them together to make a child and see what the [ __ ] happens see if we don't get a [ __ ] unabomber out of that that is a highly ethical proposal i'm into it 20 years from now like at the end of our lives we go this way maybe right i'm [ __ ] 42 man 62 yeah yeah yeah yeah so this is how we end our last episode of two bears one cave in 20 years my name is burke ricer this is tom sagura and this is what we give the world and it's just a baby that's like just biting on the things biting on the table [Music] this is ellis and isla's child god damn it that'd be fun i was thinking about being a grandfather soon oh yeah i got time but georgia can't have a kid in like 15 years right you don't think she's gonna have a kid by then no she's what is she she's probably 18 or something right 17. let's say she gets knocked up freshman year next year you'll have plenty of time i would love that you would love that i would love that that's a weird thing to say [Laughter] i'd love it here's what i say go george totally cool mom and i are going to raise it you go live your life we'll never tell them if it was your child we'll say it's our child you say it's your sister and go live your life don't worry about it i got it i'd love it i'd love it i would really love it i would love it you want a baby again oh yeah oh that's right because you want to spread your seed yeah yeah yeah well i i just i'm not done living life yeah like leanne i feel like leanne is like like well now sun setting time to get in our graves like that's how leanne feels about life and i i would love a baby is so invigorating like you guys i'm jealous of being pushed like when we hung out with you guys just how much energy is in your house and it's crazy because it takes a toll on you guys i watch it take a toll on you guys like i see it on you with your eyes where you're like sometimes when you don't when a lot of the like i love the razzle dazzle right like i love uh the energy but i'm not there all the time so i don't i don't get all the razzle dazzle but i miss it in my family you miss it a ton that young the super young yeah now it's like they come down it's like my biggest thing is uh i used to love getting the girls donuts they used to love it my favorite thing in the world is go up wake up early you know hungover you don't feel like [ __ ] having panic attacks and you go i'm gonna change this buzz i'm gonna go get donuts and then get donuts get yourself coffee at leanne like a [ __ ] breakfast sandwich and uh and then the girls come out and go hey i got donuts and then look in their eyes for real and you're like yeah yeah wait is that up no i could get anyone i want i love that now it's coffees it sucks yeah and do they have special orders yeah yeah georgia wants a iced uh coffee sweetened she likes sweetened and isla likes some [ __ ] [ __ ] drink that [ __ ] it's not even like there's no even caffeine and it's just [ __ ] strawberries and [ __ ] it's the dumbest drink ever it's but it's now it's like uh i i'd lay in bed and i'll put in my order and go pick them up it's cool i don't know i i just watching you guys live your life right now is so cool i wish i lived here because i would love to be around it more no i wish you were around more yeah great i know i wish i was wrong more too are you at my casket oh my casket here's what i want i want i want regular casket down the sides right okay regular top then i want a bump where my belly should be okay you got it i'm sure i'll have to fight for that one who do you think my casket bearers are going to be like your pallbearers that's it um you i hope so you better speak at my [ __ ] funeral i will speak at your funeral are you going to cry i'm sure i'll cry okay yeah i'll try not to and i'll say something real snarky and then i'll just like look out at i don't know god damn it i wish i could see that kids and i'll be like [Music] i wish i could see that what would you say in what will i say in tom's eulogy i'll probably be at your funeral two bears racing was a mistake [Laughter] okay ellis such a bad idea you look at julian you're like you still like cars there's your dad wrapped around that pole what uh i do think i'm gonna you're gonna die before me thanks man i think that a lot you think about that a lot a lot i think about that a lot because i know that i'm gonna have to deal with everyone going it should have been you i know that there's no way that i'm going to be at your funeral and anyone's going to look at me going yeah i'm glad you're here [ __ ] now i'd be really sad at your funeral here's the deal at your funeral yeah here's when you die i will continue to do two bears one cave and i'll give your boys all your money i actually had this thought is this a deal yeah because i actually thought about this um like i thought maybe you would die this year okay and uh me too i actually thought i was like man what would i do and one of the like one of the first few thoughts i was like i'll keep doing the podcast so that um like to pay the kids yeah it was so good with you and david spade that was good it was a really good episode i [ __ ] hate that it was that good i do because i'm such a davis bade fan yeah he's great i'm such a dave spade fan yeah and uh and i watched it now i i was like i like i don't like just so we're all very clear i don't like not being on the show like like it bothers me it bothers me because i want to be on the show i like this this is my favorite thing in the world to do and then when it was david spade you know he texted me like before it was like hey man i was doing two bears my cave and you know you didn't tell me he was doing it yeah so i heard it from david spade and i was like mother [ __ ] he was great he was great but if you're telling me that i can get david spade or david spade adjacent yeah he's got i'm dead i'm dead by the way i'm dead i'm dead okay and you're telling me you'll keep doing two bears one cave yes and then the same money i get from two bears one cave will go to your first my kids no not my family your kids my kids yeah i'm [ __ ] leanne can femme for herself okay yeah yeah she's set up yeah let her marry some gray fox who reads books yeah good luck woman but those kids yeah georgia they don't want the money at first would it bum you out if she married like a former olympic swimmer won't happen [Laughter] let me tell you something that [ __ ] that lady leveled up with me no listen here here's the deal we talked about this last night she she dated a she dated got i'm trying to think the right way to say this this is how i say it back into it right yeah i was a loser when leanne met me yeah that was her thing i think it was like not the best guy in the room yeah the guy that had big dreams yeah but not a lot of follow-through the guy that had a lot of stories that maybe had some shady areas in it we were like for real did that happen then she met me her type her type right her type boom i am a penny stock that turned into a [ __ ] fortune 500 company and she i don't think she i got she will tell you she saw it with me she was like i saw i knew you're going to be successful no did i did you know because i was with you in the car i didn't know i would be i i knew i didn't think he would be successful let alone i think i'd be successful right [ __ ] off [ __ ] off with the whole i knew it okay sure yeah like did i know her dates would get bigger after kids i didn't know that right but they did and i love them yeah and it's part of the reason i'm still [ __ ] here are those tits her tits are so awesome really her tits are perfect i mean perfect and i wish i could have her in a strip club because she like i [ __ ] love the institute oh wow that's beautiful it's amazing how i don't know where we started but i know where we ended up yep and i also feel like this is a good time to end it all no no no no we have other stuff to talk about real quick real quick josh potter mugshotty mchammer do you ever think about how much of a gangster mchammer is like i'd heard these stories before and i got down this rabbit hole this weekend again from the picture of tupac uh was it the picture there's a picture there there was a picture circulating of mc hammer tupac oh yeah yeah yeah yeah big psych yeah yeah so big psych in that let me see big psych um where's big psych i forget which picture it's the one bottom left yeah yeah that one where's big psych right there in the uh far left that's big psych yeah right oh shut the [ __ ] up i i gotta be honest with you man yeah i love big psych and i didn't know who he was he was just like uh he would just do freestyles on tupac's this might have been what prompted the uh because i'd heard stories about hammer before yeah and i love hearing them because they're like hammer will kick your [ __ ] ass yeah and he and and he will get someone to do it too and he won't really have to do much to make it happen like his crew from oakland is like a real like it's a it's a tight crew he runs with like street dudes and he is the guy who you know it was like kind of like pop rap in a way it was like families were buying the cds and stuff um people were like oh hammers hammer's a sweetheart or whatever and maybe he i mean you know i'm sure he is a genuinely nice guy but they're like you don't want to [ __ ] with this guy um and then there's stories about like he got [ __ ] on by mcsearch i remember that i remember that third base third base and put out a bounty on him for like 50 grand so i'm gonna whip his ass right and then uh redman told that story about about he was like [ __ ] hammer and [ __ ] your mama and that he ran into hammer on the last day of umtv raps when everybody showed up to and hammer was like hey red come here like he goes you know i'm a i'm a fan you do it you're young you do it don't no one talks about my mama and he was like okay yes sir like he was like okay have you seen that last day of mtv raps can you i know we can't play this but can you play and last day of mtv raps uh method man method man yeah not not mtv rapes oh i thought that said method man does a freestyle on the last day of mtv raps that's [ __ ] legit well everybody showed up that day i remember it was crazy uh go to youtube last time but yeah yeah yeah yeah go to youtube there you go there you go method man which won the penguins jersey hit the that's pinterest go to youtube i know but i want to hear it you want to hear it i want to hear it real quick i like being inspired sometimes yeah yeah okay anyway there are countless hammer yeah that's it method man live performance that are worth doing a dive on if you dude i'll tell you what can we hey hey uh don't start yet what if we did a like a page if we did a patreon can we listen to music on patreon um what if we did our live shows but on patreon so we do these two shows when we're here and then we do a late night drunk one where you just listen to music and talk [ __ ] we're like you have to pay for it because we talk bad about people people i don't know maybe we could do something like that let me hear method man am i not turned on in my headsets maybe i'm not um there i am there i am all right this is [ __ ] awesome i remember seeing this when i was a kid let's see i don't remember this what if it's as good as i remember okay so it was just a wild freestyle on the last episode oh this isn't this is it right yeah i don't think so now [Music] i mean this is the song is this what you're talking about no it's not this he does a freestyle on the last night but i'll tell you what i think about think about type in freestyle after his name think about how how different that is for that piano in hip-hop that's it that's it that's it that's it let's do some more freestyling [Music] roll tight like handcuffs drop that ass to sleep with district techniques i beat that because the weak like i may need hooked up rotate around the solar matter than cobra composure never sleeps my string puff smudges i'm sauteing them seeds with fried rice quakers on papers both nations since these get turned to lower cases watch this check it out check it out now check it out now check it out my mind's on the rhyme ain't a damn thing funny getting money please represent kill the fraudulent sucker giving me the grill now with the ease everybody trying to keep it real full recycle hit me with the 30 30 rifle beat from the streets mega trifle grab gymnastics flip it from the cradle to the casket take another pole fantastic it's [Music] are you as good of a comedian as method man as a rapper it's a good question that that specific comparison i think method man's i know he's better than me at rapping than you are wait i think what if your method man i'm red man okay who do you think's better redmond or mathematics method man what i think redman has better freestyles like i think metham is just so much more distinct like i think i think if you you go to your show right mm-hmm i'm red man you're a method man i can't i can't believe this i am i am like i'm a more fun show like more crazy shirts off maybe a little crowd work [ __ ] my wife calls i answer it right yeah your show's better than mine but my show's more fun right red man's more fun method man's better than redman uh i don't know that that's a i mean i appreciate everything you're saying and it's very like you're method man i'm red man okay holy [ __ ] you're a method man i'm red man what i'm saying is that red man does everything like lyrically like a savant met the some of the best metaphors thank you thank you yeah yeah no thank you i'm very talented but it's undersold it's undersold dude i'm redman you're a method man okay it's undersold in the fact that like that red man redman's personality was bigger than his his rap like his your mtv cribs that's the [ __ ] was like was the funniest and then i think most people know red man from that and forget he's a great [ __ ] rapper well like everybody who like is hardcore hip-hop sometimes he takes his shirt off and they forget how [ __ ] talented he is both of those that's true he's very talented uh those dudes are jacked now have you seen them now now they're like over 50. you mean clifford and reggie yes i love that those are their [ __ ] regulars they're all they're both like workout maniacs now like they both are are into like i saw a video of a method man pulling 500. methylman's jacked yeah all right ready for this yeah dude that dude's in his 50s man let's do let's there's a uh a hard pitch yeah to a soft audience okay uh you do an episode with redman i do an episode with method man on two bears i would love to do that and then they have them do one by themselves and there's good by the way their podcast will be so much bigger than our pockets wait why the [ __ ] method man red man what the [ __ ] are you guys doing guys do a [ __ ] podcast two bears one cave do two bears two caves we'll help you figure it out yeah dude black bears one cave two black two black bears one cave yeah two black bears one cape there's just a bunch of weed in there god man do you know you know but i mean that is the thing that the thing that we got you know is like two friends who enjoy their company it's it's it's it's it's yeah they're like great friends spain and farty man it's like by the way i didn't listen to the whole spade episode i don't know if you guys called me farley and like that i was dying soon but like okay i'm just checking so um but like it's it's watching two friends really hang out yeah and and you feel like you know those guys and they know each other so well they can say things they're not comfortable saying to other people dude man and method man need a [ __ ] podcast absolutely they should have one absolutely dude and and i know for a fact god damn it man i wish i knew do you know you know how to get ahold of method man do i know how to get a hold of him um i have ghostface number face time up now facetiming facetime facetime of all the guys ghost face killer of all the guys in this time of facetime in that clan facetime uh that's the last guy you want to get that wrong i'm not i'm out of the razors i would rather facetime rizza than and i think there is a number it's rza yeah no it's so funny rizza comes up and it's andrew schultz yeah uh i don't have visas let's f i can learn how to make [ __ ] tortillas i feel like ghost is gonna be like face time goes give me i don't know give me his number i'll face someone from my phone [ __ ] no please please please please please please call somebody else uh how okay let's think how do we know how can we get a hold of matthew man's number stew you have snoop's number yeah oh i got a new phone though he's not gonna answer it i got a new phone where's your old phone uh my burner's in the bus and by the way if you still want to call me i answer every now and then i'm broken okay ready uh we're going on twitter what are you saying who has method man's number yep this is six degrees of of let's get this done hey what's the wifi here uh i i can probably get his number stop stop stop stop hold on we're not ending this no this is it's no we're not doxing anyone we're not wrapping this up until we get a hold of method man hold on give me a second this can happen this can happen okay i'll tell you who to call who call russell peters i love this did you say call i need to facetime i don't call on facetime okay oh i turned my wi-fi off it's i'm sure i should be on i'm sure i have the log in we need to by the way hold on can i can i stop everyone from thinking i'm a [ __ ] lunatic okay we are offering method man a brand new line of business him and redman should be doing a podcast it would be so enjoyable to watch them every week just [ __ ] tap in hang out yeah it would be so [ __ ] great but uh all right russell peters here we go facetime clean out my bugs hey what do you think about this hat i think you like it i like it yeah where'd you get it a minor league team that's one of their logos oh well unshaved russell peters is sexy hey i'm with tommy hey man hey congratulations yeah when uh when'd you guys tie the knot when was that another hey buddy hey we're doing two bears one cave so yeah yeah so here's our deal right so we're talking about method man and red men right right and i'm saying that i'm redman tom's method man and all of a sudden we had the brilliant idea why aren't they doing a podcast and so we would like to reach out to method man and or red man and and and tell them pitch them on a podcast do you have anyone's contact where we can get in touch with them um well uh rayquan was at my wedding i could probably get met through rayquan but uh lord finesse lives with me and he's friends with red man so i mean can you wake him up real quick you know i would love to do that hey sorry russ sorry [Laughter] you know whose idea this is right i got big ideas russell you know what i think i feel like this is christina's idea yeah thank you thank you all right well if you can if you can start this ball rolling we would like to get them to start a podcast we think it would be really enjoyable and and and we think it could help out well let's let's see what we can do i will uh i will plant that seed for you all right thank you russell crazy god i miss these days one day they'll be teenagers and they won't care about you he's hanging under me like a monkey oh my god all right brother thank you miss you brother um thanks bertha and tommaso well i'm around if you need me thanks buddy all right we will bye what a [ __ ] great guy he is he's great especially if you need to get in touch with a black guy he's really really great all right let's do one more shot to kill and wrap this up let's go uh we got a lot of work to do yeah we got to do reads right yeah yeah yeah all right all right uh in in in summation yeah redman method man i would love to watch that podcast i'll tell you what first episode you can do it here we'll share fans i'm telling you everyone wants to hear you guys i'm [ __ ] hammered okay uh thanks for watching and listening we'll see you guys soon love you bert love you dude tom tom and bert one goes topless while the other wears a shirt tom tells stories inverts the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears one cave no scripts a bit of booze amateur patology dirty jokes raunchy humor no apologies here's what we call two bears one cave [Music]

Channel: YMH Studios

Views: 753,057

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast

Id: fqGSkaKa7L8

Length: 80min 59sec (4859 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 21 2022