Ensign Pulver (1964)

[Music] to take AAL Journey when the stupid war is done going where is Ley fresh and heading the heaven that's the place I'm [Music] [Applause] going with that's the time the portal shake me but the portal have to wake me never fell so shivy Andy White in the sting out myal journey Cal journey home Cal joury who's afraid of the big fat Captain who's afraid of the captain who's afraid of the jerky Captain everyone now hear this now hear this the captain says there will be no more singing this evening because of that song that is all now here this now here it this re I reiterate re the captain says because you sang that song last night there will be no swimming and no movies for 4 days that is all hit the deck GRE the new day up on Adam if he says Rise and Shine I'm going to vomit rise and shine he wait Carney I must be I can smell that stinking Island we're going to get up hey pver is taking the mail launch today to pick up our three bottles of scotch did he make the deal sure with the Admiral's dining Steward and cheap only 75 bucks a bottle hey Mr Billings the Radio Shack wants you to break an important message maybe we got a Liberty huh some cruddy Island a th000 miles from here needs another box of toothpicks now here it is now here it is sick call sick call P when's he coming I gotw stomach I think I got a fractured rib fra your rib break out the aspirin pain why the flush of hypochondriacs well cargo work today ship's coming alongside for supplies okay let's go wait a minute wait a minute take the $75 over to enen Pulver and tell them to get me two bottles of scotch instead of one wait a minute that's only 65 oh well I I'll put in the extra 10 Buck stock if I can have a swig I haven't tasted Scotch for 2 years okay but just a swig oh back a god of alcohol coordinate Frank pver and glue him together for one day [Music] please [Applause] hey you sure we can't say you another create a toothpaste we're loaded we got it coming out of our ears yeah are bras that heavy Mr pver only when they're [Music] full hey lieutenant you want to swap movies we got a new one Young Dr Jackal meets Frankenstein we've seen that one four times yeah we've seen it eight has he got the [Music] [Music] booze hey Doc Master will please refrain from flushing toilets while the train is standing in the station I love you hello Captain what's in the box Mister prer sir braz I figure that uh doc could use him as sick call for slings and trusses knee pads or something knee pads doc I couldn't get those knee pads you asked for uh but bers do certainly that's a fine idea open it the man could clean the deck's a lot better kneeling in braer sir open it up mister just who do you think you are enov or laundry morale officer I know that I want the name of every man that ordered a ble of that stuff nobody ordered it sir it's for me you was going to drink all of that yourself yes sir slowly this is a Navy ship Mister throw that dirty liquor [Music] overboard [Music] by bro's turn sweetheart is it Bruno give me back my money I got it on my pile before you saw me now this is sucker's Monopoly you're supposed to cheat right right you know John X you're not only a radio operator you're a big time operator thanks no no he means you're a crook oh please gentlemen you'll turn my head hey oh hello Mr Billy they looking for me I ain't got duty till tonight I just broke this message I figured I'd bring it down to you myself my kid died drwn at Cone Island she was only 18 months old and I never even saw her there's more funeral Saturday please try to come oh my Lord Mary pleas try to come the captain might give you emergency leave sure get the doctor go with you you can pull it off Bruno you're a con man remember and and besides that her parents are dead so you see all she ever wrote about was our little girl Captain sir I wasn't there when the kid was born I wasn't there when she drowned so I just got to be there now or else she won't have anybody she'll be all by herself at that little funeral we've got two more operators captain and sir I could hit a ride on one of those transport planes and get back aboard before anybody even miss me you ain't going this ain't no kindergarten Junior this is the Navy I'm sorry about you kid we'll have a special Chapel ceremony for her but Admiral fenley's got his eye on us and we ain't got to let him down now are we cool law how could they do that to roast beef there's a war on I'm the hell with a war and the hell and the hell with you too doc we ain't fighting no war we ain't been within five ,000 miles of the enemy nobody needs us we're a joke captain my kid died because I was delivering potato chips to some admal that don't want anymore get him out of here you're going to give me that leave Captain go back to your duties no please Captain what did you say please don't pull that stuff on me get him out of here I said get him out of [Music] here please sir thank you sir crew is going to hear about this captain every one of them is a Bruno you know I don't want a crew of wh and sissies with table manners I want men you've got men that's your problem if we were in combat it would be different these men left their homes to fight but they never got into the war they're in limbo Captain trapped between Heaven and Hell on a floating 10 cent sore you College officers make me puke doctor see that Commander's Camp I'm going to be wearing that pretty soon if I don't listen to every crybaby request that comes from down [Music] below this ship doesn't need a foreign enemy it's got the domestic brand [Music] aboard the only reason I don't take you but the nap of the neck and throw you overboard is that I might need a doctor someday that'll be all and another fly B the dust come in oh I was uh looking for the dock well he'll be dropping in stick around um Billings just told me about your kid and what the captain said and I think that's the dirtiest I don't want to talk about it Mr pver if you don't mind sure sit down did I ever show you my collection hey that's a Japanese Bandit my brother John got it off one of the millions of guys he captured he sent me that Japanese flag and some fireworks I'm saving him to celebrate VJ Day with my brother George is a big hero in your he sent me this German Luger Pistol see I got bullets for it look sometimes I uh I shoot coconuts off trees you know on those audence where there's nothing to do hey this is my art gallery uh doc calls it the sister ceiling because I did it all on my back like Michelangelo um what did you want to see do for uh to help me word a message to my wife uh Mary to tell her why I can't get home hey I can help you Bruno no no thanks Mr bber after all I'm your morale officer okay Mr B um how about Darling they won't let me go I love you John X yeah sure that's got class I never thought you'd I I mean she'll like [Music] that I hi this one inside my shirt no no I wouldn't dare take a drop of liquor now Mr pover well look anytime you want it you just come right in whether I'm here or not in have some hey thanks Mr pver you're a real bro did you take that sedative it'll make you sleep I don't want to sleep doc I'm going on duty work up a sweat Frank Frank I need some of that alcohol and orange juice we were drinking last night there you are my rot gut Oblivion Frank couldn't you have saved at least one bottle of that Scotch for dear old [Applause] dock wish I had the guts to smuggle Bruno off this ship somebody who's got to defy that old Tyrant there hasn't been one gesture of rebellion or virility on this ships and stlas Roberts left now wait a minute an what about the time old Pulver threw the captain's palm trees over the side huh guess my Verity was showing that all right all right when you found out Doug was dead you had one Health moment of rage but Frank that was weeks ago what have you done lately I've been thinking about a plan to scare the captain so bad he transfers off this ship that's what you and your infantile plans how by putting glass marbles in his overhead to roll around all night and keep him awake or by scaring him with those legendary Japanese fireworks that nobody's ever seen they're stashed away in a secret place on deck and they're real scare the captain off this ship don't dream don't dream stop talking like somebody's father what about you you don't even dream touche Frank I'm a vegetable eggplants don't dream do they and what did you do in the Great War Daddy I sat on a ship paralyzed watched Men rot I'm kaput but you you got a potential a destructive nature and what do you do with it shoot flies with a piece of lead foil a naval officer has to be an expert at ballistics oh watch I kill that fly you're a hell of a threat to flies Frank thought you were supposed to like me do I do God forgive me I do I just don't understand how they made your laundry and morale officer I doubt if you've ever seen the laundry I run it from here well I never did like being laundry officer I'm preparing myself for bigger things oh is that why you uh read all those dirty books they're not dirty books doc they're great literature that has dirty passages I'm improving my mind I can't go home and stand next to my big shot brothers and face my old man why not are you kidding why my dad doesn't even speak to people unless they're presidents or something I can't get him to notice me here's your lousy mail hey what's with you I didn't get any of you want to know I'm sorry it's just that I heard about Bruno's kid and I well I'm not taking any more from the captain that's all I've had it right up to here there's only one thing left to do I'm going to challenge that Bloody Billings and I'm going to play AC duy all day long this ship has the black plague and it's spreading faster than I thought dear sir I am a pharmacist made on the ship where Mr Robert was killed he said if anything ever happens to me send these medical books to enen Pulver he likes to look at the dirty pictures Doug Roberts quit medical school to fight this stupid War now he's dead but the war is still alive and so is the [Music] captain [Music] Dr pover boy would my father drop his [Music] Bridges hurry up for that SL quit looking at me like that like what like you were sorry for me why you can see the it tralian crud I wasn't even thinking about the hell you what it you guys have been looking at me like I was going to give you that crot or something joh X you Rel but I want to work I got to you heard me go off back to your quarters hey dy I think you was right we better do it now okay let's go oh come on hey that's Dy let's [Applause] go who is it Captain can we see you a minute what's going on here Captain I know this ain't regular but these men here want me to say they'll volunteer for extra Duty anything if if what captain we're asking you to let John X I mean Bruno go home first little girl's funeral Bruno send you up here no sir he don't even know about it it's just that well this is something might have happened to any one of us and it would mean a lot to the whole crew if you let them go are you trying to tell me how to run my ship no Captain well then get back to your duties and that'ss in order tell you what a will do for you though I'll show a movie tonight how about that anybody wants to see that old movie again raise their hand I'm a showing that movie tonight and anybody that ain't there is on report get back to your duties it's time Elman it's my fault that John Elman is going to the electric chair tonight because I was afraid to let J me tell the truth Nancy you've got to help us he had nothing to do with the murder doctor you've got to do something [Music] he'll believe me I I like this movie better every time I see [Music] it hello hello warden's office this is the governor's picking stop the execution yes sir it's it's too late Governor they just gave him the first J move you over for me it is it's all that oh I borrowed a few things from SI Bay I decided to be a doctor this morning so I'm studying Anatomy what's a but talk doc I want um b u t t o c k s yes butox what's the matter doc you SI the captain's enthroned up there grinning like a bicin the men are sitting around hypnotized by despair the skin of the butox is especially [Music] sensitive doc remember what you said about me never doing things well this one I'm going to do look at that lead foil and carpet taxs old pver is going to take these up there now and shoot the captain right in the [Music] buto I like the part best where they bring the monster back to life and then he tries to kill him hey did doctors have audiences just like [Music] actors come on scal SC scissors scissors stop watching the movie Frank okay pops put this up your big fat butox and smoke generals time they [Applause] alive is starboard left or right which way is the 40 mm I help everybody's got a battle station but me don't jiggling remember that man's got a glance hard on all reportand and ready anything wrong Kevin Hey where's that medical kit where is it all man and ready all right let your pants down go that's all just go where is my battle station I don't know I can't even find mine Radio Room man and ready Radio Room man and ready what enemy where's the Enemy Number One M and ready get on that Gunner number two M and ready are we supposed to be here we was here last year number three M and ready where's the trigger ready Gunnery Department man and ready engine room man and ready engine room man and ready all stations man and ready captain what happened bellings maybe it's an enemy submarine you stupid jerk we haven't been within 5,000 miles of a what's that Holy crud fire what's that shooting must be Dr Hyde killing Frankenstein oh fire [Music] fire don't fire that gun that's right hit my [Music] fireworks no no no no no [Music] don't sieg fire sief fire stop it stop it out here [Music] de bring me that microphone Dolan now hurry up Sir now hear this now hear this did it break the skin I think it's lodged in the brain how could it get to the brain oh that was Dr Hyde Captain uh no it wasn't it was Dr jackal I don't care if it was Harry Truman is that iodine iodine maybe he stubbed his toe now hear this you're going to stay at them Battle Stations till someone owns up to this what's he talking about you're a bunch of cowards I'll take off my bars and fight any man on this ship what are you doing back there doc flying adhesive tape I don't like adhesive tape oh very well I'll remove help what' you do that for Captain you said uh never mind what I said you're a doctor and you should know what you're doing you're a doctor you should know what you're doing who said that now you can stop this clowning around because I'm going to find out who done this if it takes me the rest of the year don't make me laugh stop talking back to me now calm down Captain calm down those men don't know what happened here let me have that microphone hello this is the doctor speak unfortunately while our captain was watching the movie someone fired lead foil pellet which penetrated deep into his right butox uh buttocks hey did you hear that somebody shot the old man in the dove in my opinion this wound although colorful is not serious the great damage is not to the body itself but to the Mind our captain is suffering ing from a mild form of shock thank you very much I don't care if he keeps us at Battle Stations for a week it was worth [Music] it now hear this due to the fact that there's a war on and we got cargo duties I'm going to release you from Battle Stations but don't get no fancy ideas I got an enemy aboard this ship and I'm going to find out who meanwhile no privileges none all right secure from General quarters [Music] you did it didn't you oh no you don't oh you did it and you're just trying to throw me off the track by saying that I did [Music] it all right last chance for the nominations for the finals tonight no cheating cast your vot for the great ass [Applause] assassin [Music] Frank you have performed a miracle a miracle a miracle than so I been up all night to seting this fish fish what fish Frank we have a United crew for the first time and you did it with your little slingshot don't you see everybody thinks everybody else did it which means everybody is a hero swear you'll never let anybody know it was you why not morale this will keep them busy guessing for months what about my morale okay blab away wave yourself like a flag but stop all this doctor nonsense a real doctor does good to do good and not for credit okay I promise I won tell anybody Frank you've just passed your first test for medical school of course there somebody where to guess prank doc you got to do something about Bruno all these other guys are flying high but he just sits there alone looking at his watch and asking what time it is in Brooklyn and his eyes are kind of funny doc I'll be right down Mr pver the crew wanted me to invite you to the finals tonight you know for the great ass assassin koski's got a big crack of jungle juice for M the great assassin yeah the mystery man has shot the captain in the duff a Joker's already owned up but we don't believe any of them so we're going to vote on it tonight uh any special reason for inviting me a very special reason for instance for instance we' like to have the party in the Landry oh sure how about that's Jungle Juice don't look like Jungle Juice it's jungle champagne it's all great all fermented grape juice all raisins mil duded grape flakes the bicarbonate of [Applause] sod [Applause] [Music] 95% [Music] [Applause] strong strong strong [Applause] [Music] strong [Music] [Applause] [Music] Kell [Music] ventage all right you guys I'd like to propose a toast to a great man who was in our midst yeah is to the toughest bravest the sneakiest in fact the biggest hun of man on this ship lift your cups everybody to the great assassin to the great [Applause] assassin bring to him Mr pby he's a better man than you are uh who'll propose a toast to Mr pver L the laundry yeah I'll do it the Mr Pulver Mr pver is Mr [Applause] pver and when our shorts come back from the laundry full of holes there's a saian on board the boy that sure is [Applause] pulverized but as an officer I'd have to say that he's probably the most uh harmless we got on board here's the Mr [Applause] pver I want a bike and train and skates and a woman shake them Frank shake them careful don't let me break your arms look I'm warning you get him Franky baby Franky [Applause] [Music] Boy pipe down we got the election [Applause] results the identity of the great assassin according to the consensus is and will remain unknown nobody got more than three votes that's why see Frank they don't want to know the following men got three stoski Mr lur Mr Carney Mr Billings [Applause] Sten you want to make a speech Mr pver no no just a simple request oh I hope I'm not putting you in too much trouble but it would give me a great deal of pleasure if you'd kindly let me know how many vots I got oh sure oh let's see now uh I don't see your name here Mr Pulver I guess you didn't get any you sure sure then I'd just like to say that you can all get the hell out of my laundry no get out I'm the laundry officer and this place is off limits to all Personnel except me he's only kidding fellas oh no I'm not now get out of here all of you ungrateful conceited idiots get [Music] out Fe that your drugs before I put you on report come on you heard what the officer said [Music] you get out too [Music] doc sure [Music] Frank you look kind of Pale around the Gill sure you ain't got no contagious disease no Captain I just couldn't see him to sleep last night well since you've got the sign for those laundry supplies yourself I guess I got to let you go over there be back by 1700 I told the Admiral we were shoving off hi sir [Music] some engine many planes land here only for refueling like that one probably on the way to the combat zone are you sure it's safe there's no Japanese around that's a woman no it's not just another batch of army nurses don't get your guts in an upro they only stay for an hour what can you do in an hour one [Music] side what's the matter did you strain something lieutenant or is it Captain I never can tell what the Marines it's Navy and I'm an Anon oh would just call me Doc uh oh go on don't tell me you're a doctor baby blue eyes what are you an island doctor no um I'm over on the ship a battleship no U just a can that is a destroyer just a destroyer oh girl girls we're we're right in the thick of it I uh where where do you keep your destroyer in the water girls I want you to meet a combat doctor doctor these are my girls well that is I I I call them my girls I'm I'm the head nurse isn't he sweet to be a doctor on a destroyer oh well I'm not the only doctor oh actually there are eight of us um I'm just in charge of anatomy backs and things stuff like that that doesn't look like a destroyer to me oh that old bucket no no that's not my ship my fleet's over there behind those trees girls let's go see let's go we didn't expect to see fighting ships this soon we just came down to get refueled hey Sunny we're going over to take a look at his can don't stay too long major we got to get you off the ground before dark there may be a front moving in yeah the Japanese are giving us a rough time around here one front after another when he said front didn't he mean bad weather sure always get my fronts mixed up got kind of a nice front yourself what's your name um I'm called Scotty I'm Frank Scotty watch out for Frank remember what they told us about these sex starved men in these back areas I don't see any Fleet neither do I maybe it's farther ahead go on girls up the Gold Path that's yeah [Music] hurry oh they're gone well excuse me but I I just had to see alone why I just want to tell you what well not to fall in love with me I mean even sexually no matter what I say or do I'm not trustworthy for instance I'm not a doctor I never thought you were oh but that's not all there's there's not even a fleet out there I'm on that old bucket the worst ship in the Navy and I'm the worst officer on it they all think I'm a jerk and I am well ask the crew or my father or my brothers ask [Music] anybody why did you pretend you were a doctor I don't know cuz that's what I want to be I guess and because I wanted somebody in this lousy world to think I was important what's wrong with that huh well isn't it important to want to be important look at um Alexander the Great he conquered half the world just to show off to his father but he still conquered it Oh you mean after everything I told you you think I could be a doctor by rights you should be a good one you have more people to prove yourself to than anyone I ever heard of you should cash in on that my family's in business they say the big trick is to turn liabilities into [Music] assets you dare be nice to me why tricked you into getting Behind These bushes I lied to you well you're not lying now well no that's just an accident I just I just got started telling the truth and I can't stop now don't listen to me oh don't let me make a pass at you either why not because you you'd see through my snow job in a second how do you know because I was going to lay it right on the line I was going to give you a hot look a blast right in the eyes like this I was going to say honey you know what a man's for don't you huh I was going to say sexy brutal things like that and then I was going to say what's your name again Scotty I was going to say Scotty you're the most beautiful girl I've seen in 6 months am I well more than that you're the only girl I've seen in 6 months then what were you going to do I can't remember why did you let me get away with that cuz I like you you just like me from my liabilities [Music] huh bro take it easy take it easy get easy you having a nightmare a nightmare thought oh thank God yeah swallow some of that Bruno no I ain't going back to sleep well all right stay awake and stop beefing I see a dream what's that noise that's nothing Bruno that's just a storm pay why don't you break out all the seasick medicine we're going to have a busy night below take it easy up come on get in there have a point watch your head had a right take it [Music] easy here's another the Hurricanes expected in this area by 2100 we better stay put tonight don't tell me what to do the Admiral wants us at apathy Island in 5 days and we're going to be there hurricane or not yes [Music] sir did Bruno take that sedative Bruno's not in sick Bay doc didn't you release him no see that man's in a bad State you better get him back here hello P hello doc hello Frank doc I'm not the same jerk I was last night I I'm the new Pulver what would happen if I went below right now and apologized to the whole crew they throw up are they that sore at me no they're seasick but I've got to show them I'm different I'm not ashamed of being a jerk anymore I'm using it that's how I'm going to prod myself into being a doctor with my liabilities where the devil is pain thanks for listening doc two two days ago you saved the life of this ship then last night you cocked out there's a Chinese proverb about that it says if you want save a man's life you're responsible for it as long as he lives even if he commits murder it's your fault too yeah yes so while you're reforming he's not in the cruise quarters what look go get Dy and tell him to form a detail to search the ship that man could do anything in the state he's in who maybe I'd better go with you but I didn't tell you about Scotty I hope our planes are right in this [Music] storm we're not making any Headway on Captain you just stick to that course and stop beefing I'm going to my cabin I don't want to be disturbed once they'll R tomorrow morning except an emergency only [Music] crud what do you think you're doing BR open with that gun down we'll forget all about it you got my word just put it down on the desk you know for God sake it ain't my phone to get died I know Bruno give me back the gun don't worry Captain it's not loaded what it's not loaded [Music] why he okay Captain you're safe now oh [Music] boy hey somebody down there helping here get BR to the dock yes sir [Music] quick Captain it's okay he's gone captain captain captain help B [Music] overboard Captain look behind [Music] you behind you can't you swim you stupid jerk you're going to drown like that oh I got to hate myself for this I feel so [Music] stupid [Music] where are we up the creek Captain Without a Paddle how much water we got enough for about a month I guess I ain't figuring on being out here no month not with some young punk that think you saved my life thanks Captain I not only saved your life now I'm responsible for it nobody ask you to jump on off that ship stuck out in the middle of the Pacific with a rock around my neck and I put it there don't worry Mister the Navy's probably got planes and boats out searching for us right now I could just see that ship men running all over the deck telescopes signal [Music] flags you lose anything in the storm nothing important uh how's Bruno I was with him all night he can't remember a thing since 5:00 yesterday I got pain watching him where you going L horns with the captain again about getting Bruno a leave he gave orders not to be [Music] disturbed hey hey watch your docky blow a fuse my pleasure captain Captain are you awake holy his bunk hasn't been slept in he wasn't on the bridge all night could he be below we just covered the ship which brings us to the only happy solution of the problem what's that doc he fell [Music] overboard oh what a sense of humor I can't understand the Navy leaving the captain of an important vessel sitting out here all this time sure wouldn't happened in the Merchant Marine how often did you fall overboard in the Merchant Marine I didn't fall that Maniac Bruno tried to kill me I get back he'll hang for this look a medical hand book and a log I'm got to put down everything that happens like an experiment I don't need rabits are guinea pigs I got us guinea pigs sure for the medical profession for posterity for the Readers Digest boy will my brothers take a back seat I was wrong about the Navy Here Comes our plane [Music] now sit down Captain they can't see us cow here are I can't see he's an officer in the United States Navy he couldn't fall overboard well he sure ain't on this ship hey maybe he was on the rra that blew over last night it's listed on the Storm damages missing three fire buckets One Life ref one boat hook one Captain somebody must have seen him did you check with all the officers all except Mr pver yeah we're giving him a silent treatment come on billing just get on that radio you notify the Navy I'll notify Frank who's going to notify the Sharks right Frank Frank have you told the Navy the captain's missing yes why because I got a PS for [Music] you it is now the fourth day since the captain began to look truly disgusting sweat um piration has temporarily stopped could this be due to the malfunction of one of the glands perhaps the uh uh sweat gland H as for the splotches that broke out on his forehead when he ate that ugly looking fish I caught um they're still very pronounced more of a purplish color possibly due to um dead blood sometimes he seems Delirious example while talking in his sleep he said kiss me Ant Martha in a small guttural voice he also made the same request of his cousin Tilly now these are obviously the ravings of a very disturbed and dirty mind stop writing in that book his voice is growing weaker I can yell louder than you can you little crud his irritability is increasing I'm not a little crud pops my irritability is increasing stop writing in that book and writing facts that may save millions of lives well you should be proud your name's in the title I call it simply the death of Captain Morton the death of why give me Don't Touch This Book Daddy boy and you'll regret it those sharks were around this morning while you were asleep and I pulled your hand out of the water I might just forget next time don't fight it pops you're going to be famous how many guys get a chance to die on paper I am not dying the Navy's called off the rescue planes and Mr lur you're still commanding officer doc br wants to speak to you doc can I go back on dy I got to do something even a metal nut can more cargo can he wait outside a minute Bruno you too shorty gentlemen the guards have given this ship a short reprieve by tomorrow morning the captain may be back aboard but the Navy's giv them up for lost a Navy doesn't know it's captain from a hole in the ground and you evidently don't know Pulver the captain's coming back I can feel it in my bones and I'm going to bring this ship to life before he does doc I never heard you talk like this oh yes you have I've talked all my life but this time with your permission old Doc is going to do something Bruno Bruno yes sir our captain here just told me that he's issuing orders for you to it's your ride on that plane back to the States for a 7-Day leave with your [Music] wife well you heard what the do said go pack your gear I'm going home I'm going home now hear this now hear this this is your commanding officer speaking the following changes of orders will be strictly and rigidly observed honor about 1,400 hours today this ship will leave this island and proed to elisium Island for cargo assignment while in that Port all members of This Crew will take full advantage of the Liberty privileges on this [Applause] island wearing shirts is not mandatory on Deck swimming hours commence immediately in the meantime get your tails off the deck and make hay well of [Applause] sunshines it again over me a do it again this is [Music] [Applause] again [Applause] come on you [Applause] get [Music] [Applause] what the hell is happening metamorphosis vegetables are turning into men over me be again this [Music] [Music] [Applause] is oh it's number 10 and we're starting home again Ro me a and do it again Ro roll [Applause] over for the last time Captain lay off of the water you can have reses when I give them to you and as an order I'm the captain from now on you little punk you ain't nothing and you never will be you ain't half the man my son was you know what happened to him got a fancy job saved his money and bought a house and tried to give it to me to retire in you know what I done picked the up by the Scruff of the neck and throwed him out through the door you never told me you had a son I ain't got no son I throwed him out that's what I'll do to you too you try to give me rations like there was a handout don't you threaten me Pops I was tougher than you are when I was 7 years old my mother used to work as a chambermaid for a guy who thought he could give me things he offered me toys so I wouldn't squeal on him to his wife one morning he came out of my mother's room and he said here's a little sailboat for you kid say please sir thank you sir now you can't have it you say please then my mother came out knelt down and whispered she said for the love of God h honey say please her mama will lose her job I kicked him in The Shins run upstairs and told it all to his wife and he threw me and my mother and what few things we had right out in the middle of the street standing there and holding on to my mother's hand I decided I was going to become so important that I'd never have to say please or thank you to no living soul and I went to seea and worked like a dog and finally done all right for myself War come along and made me more important never got no sailo but I got me a ship the Commander's got waiting for me think you're tough think you can give me orders you wait pops we'll see who's tough you can have a swig of water now I don't need it now my wife left me and and then uh keep talking I can yes you can think about nice things think about women like to day my teacher caught caught the girl at the desk in front of me rubbing my leg with a big ARG eracer it wasn't my fault they was all loose women all of them who your teacher no the neighbor women after my wife left they kept winking at me and getting me all stirred up and then and they BL me for what happened someday I'm going to go back to that Town Sober and I'm going to show them a to there I thought I thought you told me you never took a drop stop spying on me are you afraid to drink captain I'm not afraid of drinking or leing or any kind of weakness give me that BR give me that give me that br [Music] an interesting turn of events the captain is a compulsive woman Chaser that's why I won't touch liquor he's afraid of his feelings [Music] my [Music] wake up HPS we're [Music] dead Lon Lon M oh neava Cava you sure that stuff's not poison I mean you're not friendly with a Japanese or anything are you where is this iseland anyway G okay boys Gros greos Gros holy CR what are you forment people you make stronger Jungle Juice than they did on the ship funny oh um ma'am do you have a boat around here um boat no um we got to get back to our ship no stop that um my fat friend is sick Ren what am I saying Jesus want me for a Sunbeam to shine for him each day apples bright apples are Rosy and red but turned into cider a humle instead me Father learned from missionary me teacher apples bright you swim all the way from airplane airplane where oh what right there [Music] it must have ditched in the storm it didn't crash H all a life R seem to be gone you sure there's no American soldiers around here nah who lives on that island why fire pigs log can pigs build fires come on now come on one side girls mother has work to do come on babies Scotty Scotty is that a a boat be careful they may be fierce Savages anybody here we saw your fires in oh [Music] no oh yes y it's Frank [Music] for crying out loud oh no no impossible it's true grotesque hi Buster Welcome To Paradise Island now what can we do for you we sure me and my girl here me Tarzan her Jane M we saw the other nurses being picked up by a ship the storm was so heavy they couldn't see us and there were no more rubber ws and I don't know if it if it wasn't for stretch here gee we owe Our Lives to you stretch is really remarkable you should see how he ditched the plane in the middle of a hurricane stop bragging about me I still haven't got to ster to work hey wasn't there a pver with me in the all- American lineup a couple years back yeah now there two of them and they're both my brothers your brothers those two bruisers oh come on mayday mayday this is 80 you read me over 80 I read you over we made contact get over here pver come on on the double this is Captain Donald Zimmer there are five of us marooned on this island I can't give you the exact location although it should be approximately 3° 17 minutes south lud stop poking me I'm trying to find out something 158° east longitude oh what are you trying to do Tampa Psy Tampa uh-huh yeah that's right Scotty I'm afraid it's what we thought it was oh no stretch tell them to send a doctor quick find out if there's a ship in this area or a sea plane there's no air strip now the Sea's too rough it'll have to be a the ship tell them to get a doctor here at once we have a man who needs immediate attention will the doctor please report to the Radio Shack immediately will the doctor please report to the Radio Shack immediately on the double doc stand by here he comes oh Bruno how would you leave boy I can't talk to you now Doc here he is come on Doc sit up hello doc go on answer it hello no no no here here hell hello who's speaking well what do you know hi doc this is me who me Frank Frank pmer holy F Frank where are you we're on this pig island Comer Force put us in contact with you you must be somewhere in the area but not close enough to get here the head nurse says it's an emergency see the captain has a cute appendicitis we have some equipment here but but we haven't got a doctor what should we do isn't the Navy sending any help yes but she says somebody has to operate on it right away there's zanger of parto you know chitis well she'll just have to do it she can't she's got a broken arm who else is there another nurse she she'll help but that's all then there's this pilot what about him well he doesn't approve a surgery he says it going to be fixed by exercise anybody else me Doc you still there uh yes Frank doc I figured you and me might try it together if we could just if we could just keep radio contact I've got a whole surgical kit from their place except for ether well the cans got punchered then you'll just have to get him drunk Frank are you still there I said get him drunk that's what I thought you said doc oh [Applause] boy hey what are all these people doing here many people come bring special gift from Chief all this C on the island log very strong what's in it first we put in many dead things from the sea fish heads fish guts frog then we leave in Sun long time smell hey Shadrack me Shack and the bed we go more bad more good also special her kill pain feel nothing at all in body what are you talking about over there get it ready yeah I think he'll need about three of these three honey three you think you're going to cut me open don't you miss yes Captain well I got something to say about that no you don't you just lie there and shut up and stay alive boy if you die me you'll live to regret it you talk big Mister you're scared so are you and you better be this is a very dangerous thing then what makes you think you can do it you might kill me did you ever think about that well that's just a chance we've got to take you're the miserable monster of the world Captain but you're my responsibility like it or [Music] [Applause] not what is it what's going on here it's a lovely party with coconut punch and everything look just like they serve a down the beach comb is here you even have a gardin you now you keep smelling that is there any liquor in it where would these innocent natives find liquor it's got lovely herbs and things to keep you from hurting now open your mouth close your eyes we'll all be in for a big surprise come on keep your clammy hands off me then open your big fat mouth you say something it tastes like dead frogs that's what it is you need a little more more hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi [Applause] hi what is it Frank did you hear the way he was yelling at me the old ghost he was just testing you Frank he doesn't think I can do it well nobody does there isn't anybody around here who thinks I can but aren't you going to say you think I can do it no I'm not going to say that it doesn't matter what anybody thinks or feels except [Music] you do on I'm here Frank we're just about all set here how you feeling Doc in all honesty not so good Frank how's he uh taking the anesthetic just a minute couldn't you and me go someplace quiet you know you are absolutely Pagan Madam would you be kind enough to squeeze me some more of that Frog Juice hold your horses Backus does that hurt I can't tell yet do it around some other [Music] places patient is ready doctor okay doc he's crocked here we [Applause] go good Lord I have a bigger audience than young Dr Jackal [Applause] Che now here it is the captain just took the painkiller it's some kind of native concoction okay we'll let you listen in Good Luck Good Luck Frank yes good luck good luck DP good luck to you pups okay dog begin one minute rank now you are going to make MC Bernie's incision from the pubic symphysis to the iliac crest 2/3 from the umus I know she has it all marked out on lipstick you mean from here to here I dearly hope so now make one single light firm stroke that's perfect Frank you feel that oh we are the Joy Boys radio Frank are the nurses using Heats yes oh oh daring oh my shut up I beg your pardon now the periton now the peritoneum yes make the identical cut in the peritoneum be sure not to go too deep and and tell the nurses to use the retractors they are now you've now you've got to go through the momentum that's [Music] right are the nurses still helping you yes okay doc Now where's the appendix I can't quite figure out where it is Doc what happened I don't know doc lost contact well get it back Mr pver can you hear me Doc we are the Jo boys shut up you du wake up idiot and get back on that [Music] radio Mr pver can you can you hear me yes I hear you go ahead doc now do you see the protrusion uh-huh that's the appendix is there any sign of a rupture no no good now very carefully tie the appendix off at the stub right got it gently gently Elevate and cut between the tie and the appendix I'm doing it carefully cradle it out Frank the appendix is out doc nice oh no Qui it's not finished yet Frank how's the patient doing the pulse and respiration is satisfactory apparently he's feeling no pain you're not feeling no pain huh honey he's okay dog all right now sprinkle Sulfur powder around the area and sew up the parum suture suture suture sponge sponge spun alcohol alcohol would never touch it sterilizing marbles sterilized marbles sterilized doctor what are you doing with those take those marbles out of that man's they're pure sterilized glass Dr Hyde said the human body can retain sterilized Glass isn't that right doc right I I told you to take those marbles out of that man leave them in there Frank they'll make a wonderful sound doctor when this war is over I'm going to report you to the American Medical Association and do you know what I'm going to do to you no you're not she's not your type oh no A promise is a [Applause] promise take them out Frank take that last one out too that's not a marble it damn right at eight [Laughter] oh okay it's done good now sew up the otter incision Frank I'm sewing okay it's finished thank you dog [Applause] [Music] the [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] where [Applause] now here it is now here it is all personel form on the quarter deck for the official welcome the captain will be back on board momentarily all right you jail Birds recess is over that is all you're going to see your nurse after the war going to marry mine Captain will be there in a second you haven't let me talk to you since since the operation I got nothing to say to you except on official business but you haven't listen to anybody well you don't even know what happened that night who told me how to operate or anything you were so full of that coconut stuff you wanted to grab all the women on the island and how you shut up the Admiral's doctor said You' done a fair job that should be enough for you why did they keep them in the hospital so long Don convalescence observation all right dress up left what's it going to be like with him back doc God knows chip coming in [ __ ] H and salute to welcome my [Music] boy Aries well A lot's happened in the last 8 weeks but the less said about that the better we learned a lot about survival that be of great help to the Navy but remember en and palver and me will answer no questions about our experiences well I guess that's about all unless you have something to say Mr ler well there is one thing Captain this memorandum came from the bureau Admiral Finley sent it over by launch with a little note instructing me to give give you this the moment you came aboard ship's company H Hut this is no time or place for presentations well I guess the Admiral figured the men had get a kick out of seeing their Captain become a commander sure all right Dy the crew would just like me to say well let bygones be bygones Crews and captains sometimes have frictions but when you were in trouble Captain we were rooting for you and we're glad you pull through and we'd all be Mighty proud to see you put that cap [Music] [Applause] on [Music] just put it on I hope nobody thinks that exposure to the elements minor operation has changed me into somebody else I'm the same guy only stronger the Admiral says I can keep my ship the wars over Bruno Bruno oh for kpes uh I'm sorry sir I just had a radio message for seeing first class Bruno and I forgot that you it's nothing hold on is that message an emergency not exactly it's uh just that John X is going to have a baby I mean his wife is going to have a b hey that's great another B [Applause] hold on did you Wangler leave while I was gone no sir I I went awall how long were you away oh long enough I guess sir Captain he didn't go aw o I signed his orders at the insistence of the ship's doctor you huh well doc this time you've gone a step too far you knew how I felt about him getting leave of course Captain but as a doctor I wasn't much interested in how you felt sir I was interested in how he felt what else has been going on here sure parties and swimming yes Captain we've been raising hell and yet we've done more cargo work than ever before for are you trying to suggest that my ship's been better off without me no indeed that's your suggestion Captain not mine maybe this ship would be better off with a new doctor how do you like that for suggestion that's up to your usual standard Sir Mr Sir Bruno is restricted to the ship pending court Marshal Doan come to my cabin start the paperwork on him also type out the doctor's request for a [Music] transfer just a minute ler I'd like to talk to him first Bruno doc could you come with me come in Dolan I want you to start some Court Marshal proceedings [Music] well Captain before you start anything like that I think you should know I'm not the one who saved your life I'm doc here told me what to do over the radio step by step wait a minute and Bruno kept radio contact the whole time now if it wasn't for these two men you'd be dead right now and it wasn't only them why any man in the Radio Shack could have pulled the wire or kicked out a plug but nobody did now you weren't in any condition to know it at the time shut your mouth about that it was an emergency everybody did what he had to do that's all now I've got things to do get out you better go while it Going's good Captain it isn't safe for you on this ship no nobody's going to kill you but but you can't stay alive here we're looking at me every day and Doc and Bruno and all the other guys who saw under your guts at night I don't know what you're talking about Mister yes you do I'm the guy on the raft with you remember look it's all here everything you said and did all the things you're afraid of well you were just as crazy with the heat as I was nobody would pay any attention to what you scribbled on that raft wouldn't say nobody well what do you want for that transfer no I just want to stay on the ship and work with Doc oh I I see you you want a promotion you want a citation so your father and your brothers can can read about it in the paper I don't want a citation Captain I look stupid with a navy cross well what are you going to do with with that I'm going to give it to you oh I forgot you can't take presentence can you all right don't worry I won't tell anybody about it you've got my word it'll be a kind of professional secret what do you want from me mister I can't change God's sake don't ask me to be something different than than what I am [Music] you want me to say to say thank [Music] you [Music] right no Captain I don't want anything from you I just want to help you why because I've got to because it'll always be this way it'll never be any reward it'll just be the next thing to do get off this ship captain you're dying to be a nice guy and say thank you to this whole crew but you can't can you and if you don't it's going to pump up into your throat until it chokes here to [Music] death come back here Mister you can't talk to me like that you can't talk to [Music] me chips company h [Music] salute H Captain may we present you with your commission pennant she's your ship captain goodbye doctor my captain I wasn't talking to you I was talking to him man the rail keeps coming and Salo two sh off shove off oh God how he hates to leave this ship then why did he ask to leave Admiral Finchley didn't request this transfer the captain asked to be transferred to the Admiral staff he typed out the request himself wouldn't even let do do it how do you know because Dolan steamed the letter open like all good yman Captain Morton got himself transferred off this ship for one reason so he wouldn't have to say thank you to the man who saved his life that's not true he's saying thank you now big brain the only way he knows how by leaving the ship he loves this is the guy that was going to put marbles in his overhead he was even going to leave him in his belly no wait a minute oh no oh I distinctly heard the head nurse tell you to take them out I put them [Music] back I'll be a bobtail bastard genius absolute [Music] genius [Music] n

Channel: Brad Garoon

Views: 259,847

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Id: ZKdcRfVipLI

Length: 104min 23sec (6263 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 05 2024