( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT IS A GOOD LOOK. THAT IS A VERY APPEALING LOOK. HELLO! WELCOME TO THE SHOW. I'LL TELL WHAT YOU, FOLKS, ARE
THERE ANY FANS OF BIG BANKS TONIGHT? ( NO RESPONSE )
ALL RIGHT. THEN THIS IS THE STORY FOR YOU. EARLIER THIS MONTH, THE ONLY
BANK WITH A COWBOY THEME, WELLS FARGO, WAS HIT WITH A
$185 MILLION FINE FOR DEFRAUDING THEIR OWN CUSTOMERS. WELL, THE $185 MILLION MINUS A
$3 A.T.M. FEE. AND THEY DEFRAUDED THEIR
CUSTOMERS FOR KIND OF A FUNNY REASON: MONEY. THE BIGWIGS AT WELLS FARGO
WANTED THE BIGWIGS ON WALL STREET TO THINK THAT WELLS FARGO
WAS GROWING, SO THE WELLS FARGO BOSSES PRESSURED THEIR EMPLOYEES
TO SELL THEIR ORGANS FOR CASH. JUST-- I'M JUST KIDDING. I WISH IT WAS THAT. IT'S WAY WORSE. UNDER PRESSURE FROM THEIR
BOSSES, WELLS FARGO EMPLOYEES OPENED UP A MILLION AND A HALF
BANK ACCOUNT AND AND A HALF MILLION CREDIT CARDS IN
CUSTOMERS' NAMES, WITHOUT EVER EVEN TELLING
THE CUSTOMERS. THAT'S RIGHT-- NOT EVEN A FORM
LETTER THAT SAID "CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE
PRE-APPROVED TO GET TOTALLY SCREWED!"
AND THE MAN IN CHARGE WAS WELLS FARGO C.E.O. AND STOCK PICTURE OF A BANKER, JOHN STUMPF. OLD STUMPF HERE HE STEPPED UP
AND TOOK PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY BY FIRING 5,300 LOW-LEVEL
EMPLOYEES HE BLAMED FOR THE PROBLEM. IT TAKES TRUE LEADERSHIP TO
STAND UP AND SAY "THE BUCK STOPS 5,300 OTHER PLACES." ( LAUGHTER )
THE SCHEME RIPPED OFF CUSTOMERS ABOUT $2.4 MILLION AND RUINED
THOUSANDS OF CREDIT RATINGS, BUT IT MADE WELLS FARGO STOCK GO UP
BY $30 A SHARE, MEANING STUMPF PERSONALLY EARNED ABOUT
$200 MILLION. I THINK I SPEAK FOR A LOT OF
PEOPLE WHEN I SAY, "GO STUMPF YOURSELF." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SO-- STUMPF. SO LAST WEEK, MASSACHUSSETTS
SENATOR AND ALTERNATE UNIVERSE COOL HILLARY CLINTON, ELIZABETH
WARREN, DRAGGED STRUMPF IN FRONT OF THE SENATE AND TORE HIM A NEW
STUMPF-HOLE. >> SINCE THIS MASSIVE YEARS-LONG
SCAM CAME TO LIGHT, YOU HAVE SAID REPEATEDLY, "I AM
ACCOUNTABLE." BUT WHAT HAVE YOU ACTUALLY DONE
TO HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE? HAVE YOU RESIGNED AS C.E.O. OR
CHAIRMAN OF WELLS FARGO? >> THE BOARD I SERVE ON--
>> HAVE YOU RESIGNED? >> NO, I HAVE NOT. >> HAVE YOU RETURNED ONE NICKEL
OF THE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS YOU WERE PAID WHILE THIS SCAM HAS
GOING ON? >> THE BOARD WILL TAKE CARE OF--
>> HAVE YOU RETURNED ONE NICKEL OF THE MONEY YOU EARNED WHILE
THIS SCAM WAS GOING ON? >> AND THE BOARD WILL DO--
>> I WILL TAKE THAT AS A NO, THEN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: SHE WILL-- YES. SHE WILL TAKE THAT
AS A NO, AND PLACE IT IN THE BAG WHERE SHE PUT HIS BALLS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I'M SORRY, DO CONTINUE. >> OTHER BIG BANKS AVERAGED
FEWER THAN THREE ACCOUNTS PER CUSTOMER, BUT YOU SET THE TARGET
AT EIGHT ACCOUNTS. EVERY CUSTOMER OF WELLS SHOULD
HAVE EIGHT ACCOUNTS WITH THE BANK. AND THAT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU RAN
THE NUMBERS AND FOUND THE AVERAGE CUSTOMER NEEDED EIGHT
BANKING ACCOUNTS. IT IS BECAUSE-- QUOTE-- EIGHT
RHYMES WITH GREAT. >> Stephen: "EIGHT RHYMES WITH
GREAT." I GOTTA SAY, THAT MAKES HIM
SOUND LIKE SOMETHING THAT RHYMES WITH A
REAL GRASSBOLE. ( LAUGHTER )
IT'S-- IT'S ( BLEEP ). ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AAAGGHH! AND SHE'S RIGHT! IN THE WELLS FARGO ANNUAL
REPORT, HE NOT ONLY SAID THAT EIGHT RHYMED WITH GREAT. HE ADDED THAT "PERHAPS OUR NEW
CHEER SHOULD BE, 'LET'S GO AGAIN, FOR TEN'." NICE RHYMES, STRUMPF. I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR CHILDREN'S
BOOK: "ONE FISH, TWO FISH, FRAUDULENT REVENUE FISH," BY THE
AUTHOR OF "THE TAKING TREE." NOW, THIS IS THE SORT OF STORY
THAT COULD GIVE MULTINATIONAL BANKS A BAD NAME. SO YESTERDAY, WELLS FARGO
ANNOUNCED THAT STRUMPF WOULD NOT BE PAID A SALARY DURING THE
BANK'S INVESTIGATION AND THAT THEY WOULD BE GETTING
$41 MILLION IN STOCK BACK FROM STUMPF. PLUS, CARRIE TOLSTEDT, THE
SENIOR EXECUTIVE IN CHARGE OF THE RETAIL DIVISION, HAD
$19 MILLION IN COMPENSATION TAKEN BACK FROM HER AND IS OUT
OF THE COMPANY, DRAMATICALLY CUTTING SHORT A CAREER THAT
WOULD HAVE LASTED ALL THE WAY UNTIL HER SCHEDULED RETIREMENT
THIS YEAR. POOR THING. POOR THING. JUST TO MAKE ENDS MEET, SHE MAY
HAVE TO TAKE ON SOME PART-TIME FRAUD. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT IN CASE YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT EITHER OF THESE PEOPLE, PLEASE,
DO NOT FRET. TOLSTEDT COULD WALK AWAY FROM
WELLS FARGO WITH A TOTAL OF $77 MILLION AND STUMPF WITH
$200 MILLION IN CASH ( BOOING )
THAT'S HOW YOU TEACH THAT WHITE- COLLAR CRIME DOES NOT PAY. IT'S LIKE WHEN COPS CATCH
BURGLARS IN THE ACT OF ROBBING YOUR HOUSE AND SAY, "PUT DOWN
THAT TV, BUDDY! NOW HERE'S $200 MILLION
DOLLARS." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
