EFAP Movies #55: Violent Night with Moriarty, JlongBone, JonCJG and DasBoSchitt

2022 this is a recent movie this is 10 years after the last movie which was made in 189 what 10 10 years since the last movie was made 10 years since the last movie was made and finally they're back with a vengence I think Rags is broken fry fix him wind him up I feel like got hit with three bricks in the face I see this on Prime all the time and I always Skip by it going oh that's the noise I is this a horror movie uh maybe it's best just going completely blind all I know is Gary watched it and said it's it's about Santa who's violent it's like John Wick but Santa right something like that and he said he gave it a half-hearted recommendation which is good enough for me I saw it it's die hard in a house basically oh there you go okay uh okay I hope I die hard in a house all right nobody said hi and welcome to the wonderful hello everyone sorry see you all those people were listening to this they were walking around their room like are you even allowed to be here what's happening and then oh yeah you can you can show up we were just chatting and then you were you walked in and you know you just you just got to find your spot in the Social Circle of which we are and then EAP the only podcast with absolutely no intro videos basically ever except anniversaries okay that's different that's right no intro we're getting right into it 3 two 1 go not really oh I hit play well I didn't I didn't just shows my commitment I guess it would have been amazing if we all did play there but the problem is even if we all did metal someone would have been so unsure of it that they would have then caused nobody else would have done it so yeah the thing is this is called violent night I feel like this is what the last movie should have been called so I anyway you guys ready I'm ready I am ready three two one Christmas Christmas who Grand orchestral Fanfare playing I don't know the universe logo isn't that funny oh I think it's pretty hilarious look how big it is that's crazy do you remember those pivot fight animations oh yeah company now Bry doall we Johnny's yep that's what the sign says what country is this in Bristol Bristol the country of Bristol that's not a country country is this you don't know that that's not the country in this film oh it's you another one oh was still vertical so I'd like to change that it's the Red Guardian is it your time of the month things who consistently kind of annoys me because he's capable of CR credy bright things but but he like takes a lot of [ __ ] rolls you just get off I wonder if this when two Santa show up at the bar they have to fight oh did he just ask santa if he got off I jerked off in your beard between shifts I guess you could say you ain't driving are you now the reindeer Drive I steer a little but the reindeer my SW ah there we go yeah let the movie make the joke no this is my uh fourth year as a Santa how about you lost count I forget why I started doing it in the first place oh no Santa same reason anybody does anything the money a that's right there's a lot of money in that pot at the end of the day hat a look on the Kitty's faces in it that's what does it for me lasts about 2 seconds soon as they're finished unwrapping they want the next present they want the next cool thing that's how this world works yeah little you say that like it wasn't the case with like wooden trains and stuff you always want the next train to add to I want the next wooden train maybe is is my last year I think Santa sold the recent Trends on Twitch and was like that's enough that's enough I'm getting my titties out pleas his drinks on my tab okay s to take care of each other I'm just not going to finish this beer yeah I don't like it when it's for free it tastes shitty something given has no value fre grandsons give me a trip it's the the new video games Astro Blaster Blaster Astro all I don't mer oh that sounds made up do you not play astr Blaster I'm just saying it sounds made up it it sounds like an Atari era game or something how do you know I have a grandson it's actually she said how did you know I had a grandson whatever was like it could just be a [ __ ] guest I don't know hey you can't be up here wait a minute oh my God no he's dead Christ he's a jumper how dare you reference a Catt or help me Santa help me Jes Jesus Christ help me santa chist santa santa we're doing a crane up shot he is real God he's real [Music] Santa that would have been interesting if it was subtle and not just you showing it is it necessarily not is it now F we following his stor I think I would have kind of yeah that's kind of funny the magical nature completely fck get it silent and violent sound very similar that's I get the impression that that's where the idea came from basically that they were like silent violet oh [ __ ] that sounds let's make a movie Eureka we got an idea very Christmas try Merry Christmas Daddy your filthy animal oh my God oh my godone getting M thank you for doing this I'm not doing it for you dang this family is not cohesive it's Christmas Santa save the family give them presents this is a sparse Street for Christmas Eve it needs to be busier I me there's no decorations oh it it's just a street Rags is okay with not decorating not every tree not every road has to be excessively decorated crazy just some lights anything hey you back there true yeah [ __ ] you're excited for Christmas what did you ask Dana for I asked for you to get off my ass wow that is a big house wow that is a big house that's probably CGI that's probably not even a real house I don't know it's probably smaller than the mallister though the question is isn't is it as big on the inside like the malignant house or is it smaller I will say it's a big house I think it looks like [ __ ] damn all right yeah yeah there I said it it needed to be said look at the camera m so smooth that guyy suspicious look all these characters that we're setting up I don't trust that I wonder if he's evil no he's good because he made the little Santa go ho ho ho why did you call me a hoe that's rude evil people can do that too unfortunately I don't think so se you want some of these Foods Okay no Okay no Okay going to gingerbread sir I'll never get over the fact that you grew up like this my therapist says I'll never get over either I don't get it mental health did you know that if you have two Turtle tubs you give one Turtle Tu two I think this is the year that Mom's going to kick herself upstairs and choose one of us to start running the show oh God in the background doing Tik toks or whatever you got to have the social media kid in every movie now like an expandable that was cringe what's up [ __ ] No Ex fornes you loved EX four balls even forgot the joke that movie so [ __ ] [ __ ] have some respect for expend for BS expend for BS like how we talked about everything except just sat down for 80% of his appearances yeah that B's Forge had some tangents oh yeah we didn't want to talk about expend for bbls okay I'm behind catch me up on all the hot Goss all right we about to get some Exposition here see y this is the burnt Locker oh look see that's pretty elegant she asked who are these people and then he Recaps it for us as well that's Bert Locker living that bling life living that bling life live on Christmas Eve Jesus Christ unbelievably cringe he just got what I can only assume will be his first of many sexual harassment accusations why would wow are they setting all of these characters up so unsympathetic that when they die nobody cares if I was on one of those planes 911 would have end with a bunch of terrorists skydiving over Connecticut without their parachutes oh my gosh is this a reference to Home Alone 2 when Kevin mallister goes to the Twin Towers yes oh look he's like he's he's a sexh because he's kissing that's true you know how the Straits are he he really does look like off brand David backham not a chance that's not going to work for me it's gud oh it's gude get over here positions Mom I'm doing my BT Locker thing that's the best you can do oh my God it's Dolly Parton listen you [ __ ] damn she said [ __ ] in front of the family yeah well Kevin mallister said ass so maybe you don't realize who I am you know who I am no don't [ __ ] in my mouth and tell me it's chocolate cake okay it's like she came in to say that and then left yeah yeah it's comedy you named your kid Gertrude you named your son bertrude wait his name is really bertrude like B Merry Christmas to you too Senator this is like the awkward family scene from succession before that show got really shitty at the last season I'm getting a Glass Onion vibes from this whole thing right now I don't know if I'm getting quite that I feel like Ryan Johnson has a particular uh arom we both you said Aroma I said odor it'sa has more of a positive connotation od's like slightly negative it's not as negative as stench and how was my favorite granddaughter everybody calls me Trudy now well that makes her sound like a [ __ ] that scene was clearly to try and introduce all those characters uh mostly just hate everyone again so that when they die you don't care so much the setup reminds me of something like your next where like a Killer's going to come in and like kill them all oh no Santa you're doing die Sand's business why wasn't this should have just been the [ __ ] first scene yeah I want see [ __ ] that guy I find this amusing there [ __ ] shotgunning beers yeah depressed about the commercialization of Christmas or whatever just funny [Laughter] cash yeah to B Clinton Monument Santa sprinkles Santa CL oh he's getting coal he's taking the beers he gave him coal and he's taking the beer how do you know he's a bad dad yeah what if he tries his hardest yeah what if he's doing his best what if Mom died in a car accident or something sometimes beer is all it takes to dull the pain I never got to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas just go write Santa a letter you don't have to see him in person wouldn't it be really awkward you know like if if a kid's like I'm going to mail my letter to Santa here you go Postman and then he turns the corner and sees the postman setting them all on fire and pour petrol over seems unnecessary but I mean he can't deliver him so he's got to destroy can they go to the North Pole what you think going to personally take him all the way doorway no no no not him he has to work that general area that subb they give it to people in Norway and the Norwegian government puts them in a big pile and burns them would never do that maybe they would no Santa gets them at the North Pole when they delivered and he puts them in a big pile and sets them on fire yeah s sets everybody asks where is Santa not how is Santa that's what this movie is asking finally cuz you have been so good to me and Mommy this year to me we decided that you could have one gift early what is it that is a very special walkie-talkie on you got right there is a direct hotline of Santa Claus himself wait does a walkie-talkie work when you're just laying in bed Ian you could press the button and use it yeah if the other talk active well you're or any other talk you can't fulfill the obligations of its name oh because you're not walking I see yes you can only talking oh I see that's a joke that I'm doing yeah okay it's it's really bad I feel is [ __ ] up I feel stupid and I'm angry at you for making that joke I like that joke nice black door I can talk to Santa oh yeah it's just just like writing him a letter don't you think there should be a movie where Santa is taken very seriously as like a political power like he does exist he does deliver presence he maybe does have a nice list like homelander he has borders and you can't go there like it's hostile like the elves will kill you if you go to his area but simultaneously has connections with different governments influence their domestic policy by saying well I'm putting a putting an embargo on you when a wall happens yeah he's like no more presence that's what happens the North Pole is a no fly zone for Intercontinental ballistic missiles and when like you know there's a meteor coming like Santa can you stop it he's like if it comes anywhere near this planet I'm leaving I'm going to Ms oh look at the reindeers I hope you treat them nicely which one of you did that how is there poop how is there poop there how was there poop all the way up there how did he poop in front of them know Rudolph will never do this crap he said holy [ __ ] why' you need them if you could just teleport he doesn't teleport that quickly you remember in the Santa Claus how like the chimney expanded or did he shrink am I the only person watch Santa Claus I've seen the have you watched all the Santa Claus is ring you a true fan have you watch the television show The Santa Clauses streaming on Disney plus e get that Disney plus out out of this EAP right now some prear [ __ ] right I didn't imagine i' to see Santa saying I the I honestly whole movie should have been his POV like if he's going to kill a whole bunch of people I don't need to know them it's fine just make them anti presence and then he's got to stop them kill them all like it doesn't have just Santa going to different houses and encountering people learning things about them based on their getting his Christmas spirit back yeah that feels like an interesting experimental watch Nightmare Before Christmas of stuff yeah he Christmas is all right you Americans don't celebrate my favorite holiday is he about to get shot in the head what Boxing Day garbage day need to watch that on you fat movies at some point the elf was evil down oh they're all in on it wait Santa's in the other room right now she's in on it too hanging out yeah the thing right Santa's AR by chance and evil is happening say goodbye and if you Grandma your Wi-Fi sucks dick well he probably has mobile you think you'd have [ __ ] 5G good old ow that's don't kill Al oh John Lama look at him go also known as Merry Christmas or should I say happy holidays now oh look get it referencing the the culture memes my car broke down a little ways out here this is a private road that means your car legally belongs to us sir I'll call you a toe they actually killed him Jesus what was the point of all that if you were just going to shoot him anyway cuz he's theatrical off check peppermint check oh nice oh wow they've got Christmas themed he Krampus why like Krampus or is he Santa go for gingerbread are we going to use these stupid cold names all night I'm glad he pointed that out yes no you shouldn't have called attention to it no I'm happy he did cuz it's cringe no it's great it's it's thematic noely like that in July or August I guess be like this is rabbit this is rabbit this is rabbit they all have the same codee name that's right they were rabbit walk away from the company family when does the Santa kill I love digital blood so great oh I see God oh God Santa's going to get PTSD okay see this premise has huge potential but I feel like they haven't yet cracked much of it we'll see no your guns what are you what were you guys doing when she did all that these just these are just random people Santa doing sitting down he's got six billion kid the whole time oh good job what were you guys doing they weren't shooting the these guys who are right in front of them what was that what were you guys doing you didn't even lock the doors it might be one of the lamest things that films keep doing where like the bad guys will just plow through all of the security without suain any casualties whatsoever they wasable like a really well planned and well oiled machine sort of thing that would be one thing but this is just like Goofy and weird with no it's always like this yeah where they just sort of roll through it's not like in Die Hard where they were systematic oh no who the hell are you you can call me Mr Scrooge um why would you not shoot him immediately hilarious shoot him shoot him immediately shoot him what what the [ __ ] punch with a gun just punch with it this really is like John Wick Trigger godam he has a particular set of skills a humbug [ __ ] oh my God my throat that was kind of low impact actually and very slightly annoying I Ser I would almost want to see an edit of this film that is just Santa I actually think it would be better hearing imagine no cont right now the blood splatters guys talking like this would be great yeah yeah like if you had no context he was just sitting there and heard gunshots like what the hell yeah big and they were like using the Christmas code names and they're dressed up and be like what in the [ __ ] is going on yeah man if you're going to do die hard I mean they did that with John mlan just followed him the whole way pretty much yeah and and that would be a really good blueprint and it could be a really [ __ ] funny movie I mean Die Hard is a great blue but a lot of films can't quite do what Die Hard did there's a reason die like set the precedent forever no no no no uh oh what's why doesn't it work this will to Ginger breast it needs to be because he's drunk oh if someone's power on that did you know that stocks are not for using well the problem with the stalk is it makes it harder to aim right it makes it less controllable that's true but when you put it on in Call of Duty it reduces your accuracy what is that true I can believe yeah believe it yeah sure I'm just going to scooch up that chimney did he just hit okay here's a question cuz I kind of almost want to just keep tweaking this movie as we go along and pretending it's not the movie it actually is um would you guys make Santa immune to bullets or like a wolverine or or regular I don't think I why would have bullet immunity you know why would that be I would want I don't think I'd want to go the way of like it bounces off him but I wouldn't mind doing the Wolverine cuz he's he's obviously not human Santa that's like the idea right ah so now he's trapped feel like immediately suck a lot of thetion out already like if he was bulletproof I probably wouldn't want to do that maybe I make him stronger wow they actually show the surpris being hot yeah that's that's neat detail yeah cuz those things get hot as [ __ ] I feel like it'd be interesting if you Incorporated the reindeers into it you know like he gets dancer to kick one of them in the face or something like strangling with Christmas tree lights that's that's a thing you should have in this loads of those kinds of things I'm sure s use the the Candy Stick at some point to yeah he's got to use candy can to stab someone so there's so many of those types of things that they better is that what you call it the middle candy pom poms into the German oh jeez oh it's bud no oh get the lights he needs to do that with he has to lick it so it gets to a sharp Point like he he's comedically hurrying that would be a good meme yeah that would be a good meme right through they should have shown that lame they should have shown that yeah it probably wouldn't have looked good if they did maybe that's why they didn't show it yeah I think might have done the blood splatters with the shooty shoots aren't very good they only made the right move as far as I'm concerned if they couldn't make it look good him getting impaled which they probably couldn't you think Santa would have like a special whistle called the reindeer back leave me here to die what a strange line I do like whether we can discuss whether or the mechanics of Santa make sense you better have the mechanics down okay Glory night all is Cal I don't care back to Santa more funny back to Santa do you have any idea who you're [ __ ] with I've had enough of your snide insinuations [ __ ] crappy too many syllables in there did you actually think that I spent months planning a complex break into the most secure private residence in the country and I didn't know who lived here that was a good plan considering you didn't it wasn't really a plan you part involved shot everyone with guns twig like female Soldier knife attacking four men I don't know how that's a great plan shut the [ __ ] up wow just wasting jeez you know what you know they wasting fry joke [Music] opportunities he can't walk away he's got this it could be so much better like it's this is acceptable it's just the they made homemade cookies God damn it I have to risk my life so much like a scene from my movie Dark r so okay he is an enigma he occasionally looks like David Beckman then not it's confusing me if you'd really done your research you'd know that my brother Roy was kidnapped in the 70s I'm surprised her face is still like fully functional cuz it looks like a break if you punched it dude extraction but Santa would have been so [ __ ] cool oh that'd be great yeah he s an elf or something an elf has been abducted cuz I wanted to make toys perpetually for free comes in why haven't they made that movie oh my God you'd have like a elf Team Six sort of thing and they all get killed and has to go himself see I know a lot gude like the fact that you have 300 million in US dollar sitting in your personal Vault downstairs he he says 300 million in US dollar but he's obviously just trying to do the Die Hard thing of like negotiable bearer bonds like nobody says in US Dollars well this is a dumb scene just have him slowly opening the big safe in the basement without going into the whole yeah dude the amount of time being this FM aigion I assume here for money then again are they in England is that why they said US Dollars no I think they're in I think they're in Connecticut they're in Connecticut oh I can't oh no the the opening the opening he was in Bristol but he's not now yeah yeah okay a weird looking safe we're spending too much time not being funny looking safe yeah why are we spending so much time with these guys of Santa yeah nobody cares about these guys everything should be absurd and and that's the way to crank this you've already made it so Santa's a real [ __ ] person you're going to want to see this you got to have way more jokes if you're going to do something like this yeah I think this thinks it does have jokes though I think so and I I can't believe how much the writer decided that plot was important is kind of nuts at least by comparison to the jokes I feel like now it would be a scene to have Santa in like snow camouflage kind like a ghilly suit I would want to spend like a whole week going through all like Christmas related things and then finding a way to incorporate all of it as jokes you need that scene where we hit the saak low point where he like suits up and you get all the Christmas related things but it's all like like Commando you know and they're all yeah like exactly pom pom grenades candy cane like swords sticks candy canes in his belt like he sharp exactly like throwing stars they're all going to be like you know [ __ ] peppermint candy or something no no throw stars but they're the Stars you put on top of the tree I don't know if you need if it's a star on the tree that needs to be much more special than a throwing star oh yeah yeah well the throwing stars could be just random ornaments on the tree he plucks off an ornament and throws it and plucks off an ornament and throws it and yeah you you need like tinsel but he uses it to strangle people well we did the Christmas real light strangling we got to come up with something else video game somebody ask for a Bast or a sword or a moloto cocktail this is see this is a good guy that he that he has the sack and he's just pulling presents out and hoping for a weapon that's good [ __ ] yeah he's just throwing stuff you cut to the and random things are hitting him stuffed animals and you know different present maybe a gag is like he thinks it's a statue but it's like chocolate die hard on Blu-ray oh I get it you're Die Hard [Music] that's something yeah something safy is on dip [ __ ] oh he doesn't know how to use it see that's another thing about the angle of Santa you could make him badass or you can make him like this which is I don't mind either I guess you can work with both I kind of like where he isn't a badass but he's I want to do both the application the very happy sort of you know Santa but then he like [ __ ] people up yeah you could go that angle too but what I was going to say is you could have had two Santas right and this is the one that's taking over for the previous the previous really good you know like the beginning of um into the spiderverse big fat guy I'm going to rip your [ __ ] balls off but with Santas instead of Spider-Man oh yeah they could have like what they did with uh they did with Sansa you know in the Woodland critic Christmas where just whips out a shotgun and just St or maybe he pulls like a gun out of the bag and he's like thank God for Texas or something and it's yeah it's like a shotgun with a bow on it you [Music] know that was strange but I guess it Wicked that was weird yeah why would the darts come out of it I don't know face the other [Music] way nobody can hear this I guess as well no hear the assault rifle [Music] so video games what if you put him in the sack and then you cuts his POV and it's some ethereal like it was leedle this is huge that's the joke that needs to go on for a while where he keeps hitting him in the head with little ornaments over and over and [Music] over the payoff would be the fal what actually works man you calmed down pretty quick from getting your eye gotten got oh like that all right all right there you go that's oh my goodness Jes okay calm down all right let's calm down no I want to I want to Crank It Up This film should be more absurd smoking his head just explodes wait it is all right yeah that probably would be a good joke if it exploded then s is like oh come on Jesus now I you should Pat it out you should Pat it out with his glove that would be they should do that they should do the eye of a gun ho ho ho that'd be like a fun call back except he's Santa you could try and to subvert it though as well he gets interrupted or hello can anybody hear me can you hear me Santa oh look they set up the walkie-talkie they did yeah I'm not even kidding that scene we just had that needs to be about maybe 60% of the movie yeah that was great daddy said you were very busy tonight oh I want to breath his face is still on fire it would be funny if Santa was like weirdly looking at it like his eyes we go to it every once in a while it's just weird I don't like how tacky that looks yeah it looks to be old school magal it's a scroll and then the ring appear on my Nic list which means you get to live yeah they need that that to pay off of like you know oh they probably will do that one of these guys will be naughty or they go for the angle of like maybe the kid's been nauy but the kid learns to be nice or be good something like that that would be an interesting angle oh there it is yeah yeah there you go take a lump of coal shove it straight up the ass well come on Tre we want to keep it on the nice list you know sorry can I say butthole then I'm Miss borderline it's border about anus technically yes uh anus is the T A little funny yeah cuz you could go a couple ways with like if she was naughty then he could be like ah maybe I don't know then he has to convince him like I was beaten when I was young and that's why I'm like [ __ ] up or something yeah some something that the kid does to be good or something like that all right you're tell me there's a God damn Santa Claus running around here but we're wasting too much time with these Gaggle [ __ ] yeah I couldn't care less about these [ __ ] I think all I'd want to do with these guys is give them code names and maybe even a thematic costume or maybe they're like the AER Leon thing like one of these guys has met Santa before yeah leader I never forgot it so yeah he was on the naughty list exactly and he's all he's going to get back oh [ __ ] uh Frosty is that uh is that the naughty guy I met in the basement he's doing it he's doing dead dead he got a star in his face and his head caught on fire it's a long story I want you to let this family go and then I want to find my reinder and I want to continue delivering my [Music] presence are you [ __ ] with me are you [ __ ] with me good reaction yeah yeah I think I would go the way of I I I kind of like the big bad guy not knowing who he is but if you had like a mercenary as part of the group who's really good but he's familiar with Santa and and you know sells it to them as like don't [ __ ] with this guy what what if he's really familiar with Santa and he betrays the group cuz he wants to have a one-on-one Showdown with him or something oh we could do like will def J Wick maybe you and I should discuss it in person Santa Claus is coming to town okay I like I like it all right who did you hire to play Santa at your Christmas party huh oh I would have made the joke that he actually like chokes her out and she's unconscious then he goes [ __ ] like wakes it back up he just Taps her on the face and stuff should be constantly like dodge ball or um airplane something like that because people say like you didn't have to get any comedies anymore it's like I guess we still do it's just that they nowh near as good I'm going to torture everyone in your family until you tell me who's running around your Mansion playing Santa and [ __ ] with my [ __ ] and who should I pick first pick Jason look yeah yeah I like that look well see but then Jason should be like if they're telling you to pick me then it's not going to work we don't need to do that no it's okay no we don't need to do this I like how he's awkwardly struggling no no no no no no that's fine don't do that you're using the [Music] nut jeez that's a unique way to do it I've never seen somebody use a nutcracker like a nutracker as a torture device they we set up a lot of time with the family at the beginning and they haven't really been in it at all not called a finger cracker take one of his bozac in there I'm not touching his balls I'm not touching his B I figured they were going to go for that yeah I thought going cracker but with his nuts you want me to scoop his brains out I'll scoop his brains out right now but I'm not touching his junk I'll scoop his brains out but I'm not touch this walls I don't care who does it I better be looking at flat balls like in 3 seconds I'll do it I'll do it it would be a bit awkward stuffing a testicle in that mouth things I never thought I'd hear from [Laughter] [Applause] John what if you had it where like I don't know the kid was there in the fight and said Santa I want a katana and then he can just pull a katana straight out of the I want a grenade launcher I'm the truth now you aren't talking to Santa yes I am no you're not come on now yes I am Dam it try Santa isn't real Santa's just the thing adults tell kids to make them feel better okay but if Santa's real then how do you explain all the presents that are inexplicably delivered that's the thing about this you can't say he's not real when you show that he's real because well when he went to that house and all the Amazon boxes were there is the implication that he's just getting outdone by like regular delivery or whatever yeah let's come back Easter and ruin the Easter Bunny for it too huh wait dides it just let the kid go nice well it's the end for her all right well he's next oh ride his wound or something that be he's got his tattoos and everything that's another opportunity that I feel like should have been taken maybe with particular tattoos cuz those more yes he ising it yeah like really lean hard into the Mythos of the ancient Santa yeah yeah Pagan myths and everything yeah I you know I I approve this is another scene that I'd probably want to have but I still wouldn't be settled on whether or not I want to make him cuz he seems kind of very killable you know yeah yeah thing too it's like he sustains no injuries on the job at all you figured he'd have some kind of well he's got maybe we go the route of he's like very very lucky and things just constantly miss him and the bad guys are trying to get him and they just putting paper on it yeah that's that's good that's good it should be there's a story there you know I think maybe just more durable that's all it's it just helps with the whole mythical being thing oh [ __ ] wait what are we doing Viking do do it his origin yo what if that's all they [ __ ] showed that would be so interesting I'm good uh I was just wrapping something up nice I can set of booby traps like in Home Alone Oh my God who would have known how perfect it was that we did you do that on purpose I had no idea Home Alone was reference to this but fine with me and then I remember the next year and you said you had this amazing dream and that afterwards all you wanted to do was to fly why how the [ __ ] did that creepy assassin lady lose her I don't know no idea and if he's using their radios can't they hear her when she said I'm in the attic oh maybe changed the frequency or something maybe because she's on her um she's on her little walkietalkie so yeah but he's using the Assassin's walkies to talk but he's on her but he's on channel frequency how time you know yeah he he was fiddling with it remember luck I think it was just luck yeah Mrs Claws and I have been going on year uh 1100 grownup relationships are complicated do you still love her yeah I do damn we having this conversation huh mhm I mean the house is not that big I feel like they should find one of the two pretty soon the magic just goes away sansa's divorced yeah but see yeah like it is 2022 so of course see Dana is divorced so to the size of the place it's easier to accept Die Hard or not [ __ ] I called him Die Hard John mlan losing the terrorist cuz it's in a skyscraper but like they would probably be checking the rooms in the house right like find him he's in here somewhere he got you something amazing what could it be this guy is really in the Christmas spirit yeah Krampus here with his HK416 really splurging they call this a pitch deck it's called explosive force they don't want us to like anybody except for the main guy in his family yeah this guy did too many smoochies [ __ ] him it's so cynical we're not even meant to like the hostages there's a level of cynicism I would appreciate but this is just kind of lame like one if gertude really did actually like it if she got the opportunity to finance a really cool you know they're all selfish I get it it's a Sentimental photo of the day I was born she doesn't give a [ __ ] so miss again that's just throws it mommy how about another one I got you a lot of good things I'll grab one is it all just pictures of you at varying ages see that could be fun too if the interrogation just became him trolling the family cuz he realizes how much they hate each other it's my favorite whiskey you can skip the note what is this drama going to be I don't love you out under your thumb yeah he said he was like leaving the company or something M we're doing camera pushings it's a big thing thank you Jason gerud is turning up to be an interesting kind of character I think I'll just keep that between Jason and I oh they made it too obvious did you ever have Mommy and Daddy yeah of course I had a mommy and daddy can we get back to Sansa killing people we need some violent we need I even appreciate the little conversations you can have with her throughout the film there's so much we can do wasting too much time damn it yeah kick in the Home Alone trap setting music and go to town set up things in the Attic yeah I mean I guess that's what we're waiting for next like give thing please oh we're going back do more back to the Viking [ __ ] used to call me uh Nick nickman the red Oh I thought it would have been interesting if what we got before was literally the only that was no way yeah I guess there's no way yeah we have to yeah I was a warrior a Raider Thief oh man used to Steel presents somebody got in my way skull crusher who skull crusher my hammer it's a surgeon with that thing used to be able to take three heads line him up okay I wonder if maybe that should should have been the opening scene or at least one half of it and then the second half is like him at the bar mean if there was a naughty list back then I'd be Top Dog it's interesting that now he you know for eternity gives people things after being that maybe you can use them to do good things instead what do you mean why is the girl teaching Santa things yeah there's like a line between this sort of thing and and reinvigorating his Spirit Santa should be extremely wise and sagacious thank you it was a bit early for this yeah should be second low Point stuff just kill people again left no not back to those guy and the context will probably be that you over he's here saying this to the bad guys I like my operations like I like the [ __ ] cring who the [ __ ] are these guys you know he's the leader cuz he doesn't why protective gear exactly [ __ ] her up Santa come on she's not looking very hard put her in the bag send her away there you they going to do the tinel but they've done the payoff with the Christmas tree lights Traer Traer Traer s amusing on our way hold I can't catch up to him he's too fast yeah if only had a gun I could shoot him with oh wait why doesn't she just shoot through the door yeah the hinges why why why that's not going to do that's not going to do anything would do okay oh is he knocked out because of that that's lame yeah it tell me they caught Santa now I kind of like the idea that he was getting drunk upstairs and then H noises came down as saw all this kind of [ __ ] carries a chest set with him have they not noticed yet that it's an infinite bag what the [ __ ] what happens if you turn it upside down and just pull so you're Mr Scrooge that's right but who are you why noon that's not how you say it say Jolly Old Saint Nick Jolly Old Saint Nick yay yay I like how even after doing this for a thousand years the the magic is still like a mystery to him yeah cool oh coconut yum most people agree Bounty is the the worst of the chocolate bars I like Bounty didn't say don't like it I just wanted to say that I'm not familiar with that one [ __ ] you with a [ __ ] trick bag that bag was full of kids dreams everybody knows that Christmas dreams are [ __ ] Christmas dreams are [ __ ] what they burn the bag oh I feel like we could have done a lot with the bag yeah it should be unburnable watch like all the presents of the entire bag come flying out like maybe it'll magic back cuz that's how it works or something like uh Jay long bone was saying I I think that should have been like protected by its magic like I I don't like it being incinerated like that now it's just gone he try to destroy it and he just can't shoots at it frustrated like why won't it burn godamn it to kill [ __ ] with it you know it keeps dropping out presents constantly and it keeps like tripping over funny that Christmas couldn't even afford a tree no Christmas dinner no gifts nothing not a cool or dick but our neighbors my neighbors all they had it all I could see all that Yol tip cheer through their window mocking me who the hell cares I don't care about this guy's motivations no I don't give a [ __ ] at all I don't give a [ __ ] yeah he's responsible for many deaths and he's a terrible person it's not even that I just that's just not fun just get on with it that is why I am bad dude now yeah I I'm not just here to steal [ __ ] I also just particularly hate Christmas it's like okay fine so you see Christmas ruined my life Christmas ruin Christmas his Christmas is on the fall it's that Huffy bike you wanted back in ' 82 one you wrote me 50 times about you made your brother eat worms that's naughty I'm Santa Claus it wasn't it wasn't ready before I also find it a bit like I mean didn't the bag make you think that this is you have a you have a bag that seems to violate ukan in Geometry you have him knowing everyone's names and what they want for Christmas the crazy irony of it all is if you tend it upside down in like a vault you'd get infinite you know stuff like well that would be an interesting mix where they think forget the Vault we have Santa's Magic Bag yeah that's like more valuable than [Music] anything well why are they wowed by this and not the Magic Bag a big oh there go escaping now yeah I guess he's sober now that's okay he got his hand free so he could tap his nose and do it that could have been a good motivation or something where he is eventually able to use his magic you can't fit up there it's impossible when you see one weird thing and then you think you're in a fairy tale he's like you think you're in a fairy tale you just disappear you like [ __ ] on top of knowing very oddly specific about my life and just so we're clear we're already there with the magic bag they should have found na list from his outfit as well oh does this mean we can finally get a long action scene please yes please feel like we've earned it now but if it's action scene with the gunman and the gunman it'll just be pew pew and them falling over and it'll be [ __ ] hopefully it's not yeah hopefully it's more than that what are you going to do you little elf [ __ ] y yeah # parkour parkour okay that's kind of funny Morgan's going to save us no he's going to run away like a little [ __ ] I think it would have been kind of to have him say like I'll save you and then run well that's a setup for later he could come back later in the story identify yourself one of the hostages Morgan steel someone might have said this already but this is straight out of Die Hard 2 like the special op team on on [ __ ] sowm I think they're ready for you they better be yep yep and they're the bad guys too I was going to say it did it not feel like the second he started speaking to them that he was going to die it like it was the way it was all framed and [ __ ] it's like yeah come on again why show us this it's not there's no point keep showing us that I know they're the bad guys they just killed a guy it's also going to take you ages like for CG to do that so just don't that's the other [ __ ] irony of this if they had done the parchment with the appearing simple ink like that would have been cheaper we got a wild go for running around complicating [ __ ] and causing problems some in true to addesses Santa but I'm telling you I'm telling you there's something weird about him might be the real Santa might be the real Santa yeah maybe [ __ ] this would be a fun conversation where they have to convince the the extra killers and everything that it was the real Santa I I like the idea they would push back on him being Santa but he would then command the squad to be aware of a you know like dimensional traveling being that can spawn presence dresses in red you know describes it all in a very military way but never uses like Santa Roger that I got eyes on [Music] him what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] My worry is that you'll wipe them all out in a generic way instead of it being fun Santa things [Music] wait a minute oh there still some left no there's still some left money we've been bamboozled maybe the boxes are withth money I'm telling you my intel was Rock Solid I had guys on the inside what An Inconvenient door like you're telling me they picked these things up over the threshold somebody must have intercepted it son of a [ __ ] it is funny they gave up on looking for her when if as was said if they just went room by room they would find her easily Santa's been walking around injured for a lot of this movie he needs to be doing more things uh sh CA are they going to have another conversation yeah we're going to sit on the radio again here we go come on i' I've accomplished nothing since our last message just to be clear I'm sorry I think this is it kid no no don't say that believe in yourself and others will believe in you chicks love confidence now go the clitoris has spoken predator missile ready for launch just so that they could turn it upright so he could hold his laptop on it I don't get it we were we were robbed of an action scene uh like about 10 minutes back like that's when we were old one and we still haven't had it [Music] yet oh wish I could see Mrs claws again they really should have combined these two scenes though yeah oh yeah we don't need another one of these oh [ __ ] is he not going to get shot because he has to I think so go down jeez that's a what's wrong with that ring oh like legary ham skull Crush yeah that's way more boring than a yeah exactly that's way more boring than Christmas themed one yeah there's nothing Christmasy about it it's just so yeah we're inventing some back story where he was this take that and shove it straight up their anuses hey did you hear a yeah in the Attic yeah but Santa's going to lose no many men with rifles he's going to deflect the bullets with the hammer he's going to hammer them back to them and kill them oh my goodness Santa's going to EO these guys like a plate full of cookies Sledgehammer beats 10 automatic rifles didn't you know yeah man you know it's the same with everything but like this script was the most important thing you need to spend so long getting the script right so many jokes you got to get in there and then you got R draft and face it out and [ __ ] watch die hard and copy it copy it it's not christmy that's the problem they doing that again third time what was that I I don't know just R the thing why you doing that he hates Christmas remember he hates Christmas yeah Christmas ruined his life where's the money or I will shoot every last one of you and enjoy it all the Santa scenes are the times where we're either praising or asking for tweaks these scenes were just sleeping one of your [ __ ] kids moved the money and this upsets me I find this distasteful to me what if you randomly shoot the only person who knows where it is oh [ __ ] you people that seems uncharacteristic for the yeah why they make the dumb [ __ ] say that yeah C doing the thing influencers are actually really smart cuz that's a good payoff to have they should do it I hope they [Music] do here I come swinging not christmy [Music] enough what there we did thing okay uh I think they got longer he punch where were these skills earlier in the basement he's been rejuvenated go pick up your gun but the other ones hold him back it's just so lame man I really do in the dark and he's just stabbing some random military dudes start swing he's stabbing them all directly in the camera too not I mean it's kind of ice Rel that's kind of Christmasy did he drop his hammer somewhere oh I tried to stab him with my gun it didn't work now I'm getting actually stabbed I thought it was a stabbing gun how many of these guys are there a lot you could see on you could see on the laptop there was probably like 30 or 40z so that's why they're here is so that there was more bad guys from to kill cuz they wasted time instead of having one-on-one showdowns with the other guys yeah we should have split them into two teams I wouldn't even had the military guys it's just like the six or seven in the Mansion yeah what you didn't have your gun loaded not at all no you don't load your gun when you're trying to kill people with it that's fine his helmet just disappeared [Music] stop running why R him just their and go punch punch I should shoot him with my gun Jesus Christ no Santa Claus just Jolly Old s Nick okay he doesn't have a sidearm but he has a grenade okay there you are he said I got to one that's funny just because of how silly that is it's just a silly Fireball that was way too quick it's already over isn't it I don't think it was very good at all it wasn't very good it was pretty really Christmas you need a mauve yeah where's Mar he's the final boss I don't know why you don't see more of a create that level of creativity like if there was one bad guy who keeps narrowly escaping Santa but he's like useless and gangly and you embarrassed and maybe get spared at the end some something different instead of all the generic he's killed now he's killed now he's killed now he's killed now he's killed now most of them by the the hammer move the money don't be an idiot the money's [ __ ] gun to her head so how' you find out that we were coming huh I didn't I was stealing it I was planning to take the money and leave with my wife and daughter tonight and never come back here I don't care if you steal it it's not her money so you don't I don't know come on ala everything she ever gave us she made damn sure we knew she had the power to take right back snore am what are we doing here huh family therapy or doing a he speaks for a soul yeah I like that guy Krampus somehow the best character I I hope he's alive look at this little idiot are you [ __ ] me she just had a thing directly underneath the ladder that pointed where she was and never they never looked [ __ ] is it really that simple they just never looked ah see cuz it's home alone it's going to work on him then I guess yes it is he's going to get impaled yeah there you go oh godam it so these are the realistic consequences of these TR why are you doing that help him off it first Jes him up there's no honor among are they about to make the [ __ ] scene with him more interesting than the Santa killing scenes I think they are could be your life is not great from here on out that's a lot of bowling [Music] balls [Music] oh oh ow yeah that sucks man those were all in his a lot of bowling balls you why would you look directly at it into his face are you looking down the bore of the nail what are you doing why would you do that come on oh they didn't put it in his eye I guess oh so he's dead then why is this way better than the Sansa stuff that's crazy much more iritating uhoh oh she's in goo slimy sticky goo if you lifted it up why you the format they've been doing is that it doesn't work but then it does [Music] work wait what why is she oh the shoes were stuck yeah what what is that what was up in that attic okay what what was that how did it work [ __ ] was that a skull yeah yeah off Flash [Music] Flash oh God see them keep going keep walking on him this is seriously hob loone ripoff that's all you got that's no did you not see her load that up she loaded that pretty [ __ ] quick onto that elastic I would have actually given a lot of points to this movie if she had just [ __ ] shot her as a result of all that been like this is what [ __ ] happens when you throw like [ __ ] dumbbells at people's heads if we're going with the realistic consequences of home alone and have it apply to both sides yeah right I Bluey traps like in the movie it was so funny when you go down and see what you've done maybe put your fingers in your ears and uh sing Jingle Bells Oh see is the obvious joke here that she sings the whole song and they have a big fight the two of them [Music] NAU all I guess that's it well naughty why would she question the girls innocence yeah exactly that's is this going to be a Twist is she a naughty girl cuz she's a part of that family and they're known for being swindlers or something the thing is though that she showed up as nice on his list and his list has got better Authority than any character has the three wise men presented him with gifts of Frankincense gold and cold heart cash oh no cash oh that's what they should have said If he if he said gold and picked up cash I would have understood that it's basically the same thing yeah should time for a murder that's [ __ ] guy he enjoys what he does that's and that's what you need that's what you want I hate to be mean I'm so ready for this film to be finished wait wait wait wait wait you got to kill it l first what the hell Bert I say shoot him first oh okay well now it's a little bit more complicated wouldn't it been funny if they argued for ages ages ages and then he just turns to the third one and shoots her just cuz he's like I don't know oh but there's a chimney right behind him so maybe s is going to pop out kill him with a chimney Powers Yeah they are oh okay I guess it's not that then oh so how flammable it is yelling at my child this is depressing yeah I'm bored also kind of wanted them to die so yeah so they got him like she's like the armor from the Mandalorian she's fighting with tongs it would have been way funnier if he just pulled open a grenade and they had realized what was that sound that's the sound that it would make your jaw makes when it slaps together go squishy head sounds yeah there you go oh oh okay so that is just it for him really okay wow what a boring ending for that character what the hell I love how they was [ __ ] the the the fireplace was set up it was all right there what do it like didn't even get a fireplace kill godamn it that would have been so cool to have you know Santa come in and he like Gets behind them like teleports behind you kind of thing grabs him by the pulls him back up through the chimney instead oh imagine you like grab does the teleport yeah and it grinds the whole body through the chimney and shoots out the top in a big fountain that would been [ __ ] awesome that would have been great and that would have been the perfect ending for that character cuz he's so wacky and kind of hate this movie even though there's plenty I like in it I kind of hate it there's some things I like but a lot of it it was right there you had all the things you needed to do a cool movie [ __ ] just aim [ __ ] them though why look through the [Music] scope Here I Go Again killing everyone with my hammer all right what are I going to do with this no I was thinking it would go right through him like cuz the film's already absurd anyway even do something you could even do something fun with just a normal snowball if he just used them yeah like the snowball has magic freezer why not do the the joke damn uh the Naked Gun joke where he throws a snowball at a guy's face and he goes a like he's like oh [ __ ] I'm completely you know just like with the [Music] towel it's almost like they're setting up a special snowball here and then it hits them and it's just like oh okay you do that joke too like he he takes ages to make it throws it and it doesn't well it's a snowball so [ __ ] try no no you you really can't why don't you have a seat right over there out look they oh thank [ __ ] kill him kill him that's right cuz he got hit with a snowball [Music] remember oh he could have you could have punched him or hit him with baby Jesus [ __ ] take a swing you [ __ ] so wife depends on it I figured they were going to bring back the reindeer or something and Santa would chase him in his sled and then jump out you know jump out on one of them and [ __ ] snap his neck but I guess not what the [ __ ] [ __ ] slams him how the [ __ ] yeah how is there 20 minutes left I don't know I want I feel like there should be four minutes left this was desperately a need of being this film would be way you could you can edit it down by about probably 20 minutes it would be way way better paced yeah we don't need all the little walkie-talkie scenes and [ __ ] you know just just one is fine you don't need second act low point and we need to have him fighting the people in a way that's actually Christmasy oh God it's just there's so many things they could have done this makes me sad I'm all these guns lying around it should have been a combo of home alone and die hard that's the easy way to go oh wow oh I guess you don't want her then oh that came out of nowhere idiot well that'll be a big payoff then you barely even touching your throat there that was lame oh wow that just went right in I thought the obvious thing was the other guy to smack my jelly neck wow that I I thought I thought the other guy terrible oh he didn't even get he didn't even even get to save his wife he didn't even get to like be a courageous person and save that's [ __ ] and22 he's got to be a [ __ ] they couldn't even do the we did it it was more of a you did it she did it all yeah yeah the idea that he's not like he's not a fighter you know that's fine but him working up the courage and being brave to save his wife when she's in Peril like no I can't the other payoff you can have is that he he takes a hit for her or that he distracts the enemy for her or he works with her to kill him but no he took away all those NOP [ __ ] from beginning to end no just shoot him with your gun come on come on yeah over here they're going to have a show thing was die hard too as well but I guess I think it's just wearing the Die Hard references on its sleeve isn't Scrooge a very misplaced choice of code name too because of what Scrooge ends up doing in his own story if you know what I mean oh no you do that it should be Krampus they [ __ ] up why don't wait until you see him you dumb idiot why how are the bullets just like when he started sh yeah what what like that's a big guess now we'll have to have a melee fight cuz I'm out of bullets that's just how that goes oh let him waste some more first do you want to shoot him or not what are you shooting at anything wall I'm out of bullets what oh wait damn it I wasted all my ammo if only I knew how guns work is this you know nice list am I on it oh my God a my name's right there when I asked on the nice list killed his best friend spreads misery murderer am I the bad guy you're H did you not notice all the [ __ ] magic magic I like how the naughty convinces him but the [ __ ] sack didn't I think my whole shitty life's built up to this moment because when I kill you this whole goddamn holiday finally ends I think it goes beyond Santa at this point oh my God Christmas dies tonight don't even believe Christmas dies tonight evil dies evil dies tonight yeah evil dies tonight there's no way that Santa loses this is like his ultimate element he's got his Sledgehammer he's doing melee this just a guy he's got a boss health bar though so that's the point that you're supposed to justify why he has a boss health bar but they didn't do anything shouldn't they be fighting in some kind of town Christmas Grotto thing you know like Hot Fuzz it should be that but like a Christmas Recreation that they're stomping through it you the grand finale is that a Christmas tree falls on him and he gets impaled on all the like branches or something something really dofy and stupider isn't very good at fighting in the snow yeah why does he suck so bad in fact why isn't he wearing ice shoes himself he's [ __ ] Santa oh wow that's I think you're out that's a sledgehammer should probably hurt they want to make it epic but they didn't justify this Santa should have been very wounded at this point or something I'm just wondering how the chimney's going to play into it oh wow I guess he wasn't really holding on to that it would be kind of cool if he was like if they Justified why he was beating Santa to then have Santa teleport up to the top and slam down on him yeah have long movie of fighting oh they've set it up too much set it up too much it Jesus he's getting [ __ ] up oh God crucifying him the last Christmas I got to say a thing before you die if you still believe what I don't feel like we've earned that at [Music] all oh oh my God that's my payoff that's way better that's way better yeah okay play I a feeling yeah all right that's you know I I still feel like it would have been better earlier than this but you know what at least he finally did now he's being shot okay by the woman by gerud can you let us enjoy that pay off a little longer so now the Gertrude's going to shoot him ain't he there she is damn right it does I would have moved or grabbed it or something I moved myself instead of just waiting there and accepting oh no Santa oh no oh no oh no oh no you saved my daughter oh is he going to become Santa oh no maybe what maybe yeah you pass on the this loser gets to be S there's no way how come there isn't some paramedic elves that show up or something that would be funny be great the paratroop is Santa got another fight tonight they Pi rifles and they secure the perimeter and they got their you know what else would be awesome if they could get like a cameo to like like Jason Stam is the lead elf what movie is it with there like a Seal Team Six elf Force I'm sure that exists it's not elf is it I think I used up all my Christmas magic Hanah please don't die wake up I'm dead now out of time B just wake up hang on I'm believing super duper hard in believe harder oh I am so so sorry I told you Sant isn't real I guess he just doesn't care that much about us not anymore guess your belief was for nothing brave brave man whoever he was whoever he was I still believe in him oh they are do I refuse to believe this is actually S I do I do I still believe in nothing I believe in him too boring just be over just end all these decapitated dudes walk s if they all did that I believe and he's just still dead and it cuts to his funeral I believe in in too so do I shut up ber rud I guess I do that's just how it works belief is like a switch in your brain you can just flick it on and off I'm a little bit confused because he's right there you already Sol his magical [ __ ] so I guess you do believe in him they they still have to be so cynical it's like oh [ __ ] I guess I believe like whatever I guess this is so stupid I'm above it all your belief has cured my internal we bleeding Christmas magic mechanics unclear well yeah wouldn't imagine if be like what about all the people around the world who believe in him why did it have to be these [ __ ] they they TI the scale like proximity of belief gives him power I was just thinking that yeah I guess you have to be nearby and believing all of them provide an aura we just burned half a million dollars you burned half a million dollars didn't look like you burned them a lot and also that's still 299 mil 500,000 that you've got yeah sorry we ditched you sorry but there was gunfire and we are reindeer should make you guys into a stew Fe of the elves do we we don't get to see the elves which I feel like is off yeah at the end could even have had it was one elf that came in one of his bestest friends ever and like he dies halfway through the movie or something you got my sack wow so the real sack really did get destroyed I figured it would be Invincible yeah I I thought it was just going to respawn Mrs Claus see oh sh there it is oo oh wow just in time for the movie to be over the the different sacks share the same load of presents for all the kids in the world very poor choice of words I don't I don't like portal that present World Hammer the present World we're often asked the question of what film would you like to see remade this this it is a good premise yeah but it could have been done better I'd save about 10% of this film remake it animate it I would think I'd keep it live action is there any reason why you wouldn't want it to be an animated film Rex I think there's some sort of like a a real quality that really sells probably a lot of the jokes I was about to say I feel like it's funnier when it's not animated because of the fact that it's like real people doing all of this insane [ __ ] in a sense animation is better because uh you can buy it more you can get more immersed when I would want to be more so cranking up the absurdity I want people to be like what the [ __ ] is happening th dancer th praner inic look he's reinvigorated okay cool still bleeding though we've got some work to do people believe sh the night's almost over what if they hit the moon he's going to the Moon yeah damn yeah that was uh what an incredibly uh wasted opportunity missed opportunity felt like there was a good hour of nothing in there we could have had some really cool and interesting stuff some funny stuff but we did not it just degenerated into like shitty action movie well they had the premise so our work's done then we can just make the movie and just have it be whatever look it's Santa he's hitting the army men in the dark it's Santa that's really funny isn't it because it's Santa that can carry us for the whole movie instead of doing anything with the premise part of the saddest thing I think about watching this film is the little glimpses of good that are in there where you go oh they do kind of understand what they're trying to do here and then they just never fulfill it it's a ton of potential and frustration that they just didn't go into it further should have been a machine gun of jokes should have been non-stop visual references visual gags and obviously plenty of dialogue and wacky characters bouncing off each other and then absurd things happening and then bunnies to come from the fact that this is [ __ ] Santa references to stuff like the Easter Bunny or people that he knows and different events that he's been involved in and possibly caused like just all kinds of fun dialogue that makes maybe get some [ __ ] elf reinforcements or whatever hey yo what's Gucci Squad famous the locker living the dream you know what see this guy dead as hell s is real all right don't end up on the naughty list do better Brit out I need this social media kid social media thanks for wasting our [ __ ] time that was yeah I'm getting surrounded by those by this Army and then just [ __ ] nukes them all in like a couple of minutes and they just all walk up to him with their guns it's it is just the standard action [ __ ] where they just don't use their guns as well like [ __ ] oh yeah the action is uh eh most of the time the first two were all right when he fought one-on-one against the when he F fought that one dude and he was struggling to kill him it's like that was a pretty was pretty good yeah I thought at that point I thought that's that's what they were going for he like to kill them one by one and then has to get to the last guy and yeah that's what I thought but then they just like oh look army men and look we he's got a hammer now and it's don't do anything with it they set this the the whole family UPS like oh look these guys are [ __ ] these are [ __ ] and we're like oh they're probably going to get murdered horribly and then it's like no not really just the random boyfriend the characters they suck Santa's the only one that we're vaguely interested in if we kept it like tight on the family you could have like four little many characters essentially surrounding the idea of the heist like if you had the action star who's really full of himself and can't really do all this stuff but he's always talking about all the stuff he acts like doing but then when the moment truly does call for him to be heroic maybe he even sacrifices himself or does a very heroic thing for real not acting but he does it for real and that's like a little mini story that he does and he saves another character from dying and then you have the kid instead the kid is on the naughty list as we you know talked about and they have to they become nice because of the events of the story and they do things and they help you know people out and they talk with Santa and of course the kid doesn't believe it's Santa at first but then she believes it's Santa and then she becomes good and that sort of thing yeah what I'm I'm understanding is that you want some sort of like a like an arc for like a story like they could have tried I would have the more I was thinking about it I was want to combo the uh the idea is familiar from myself and friggy being that maybe the people are kidnapped and taken to the stronghold of Krampus right and you go through each of the rooms and each of the main mini bosses we do that thing again we talked about we're instead of many nameless we have like four main bad guys that work for Krampus they have themed areas they have a hostage each and he's got to get to them and save them blah blah blah but then you know the reveal is that Krampus isn't actually Krampus he's like a puppet and it's the Easter Bunny and that's the big reveal and the it's about the jealousy of the holidays that could be really fun and you can theme it all on top of the whole story we're trying to tell and it's like it could end up being [ __ ] like an amazingly fun movie I don't even know what I would have had but it would have been very interesting if Santa gets like he passes out after he um or he gets hit in the head in a fight or he passes out and then you get that little flashback that first flashback they show of him like as a a Viking Warrior or something with blood on his face in a battle and that's it no more they never show it again it's just that little Flash like oh like what what is this what is this like Santa's past what what happened what's the and they never show it again there's no oh I Had a Hammer named Skull Crusher and I was really bad and I whatever yeah I hit people's heads with it it's like no no don't don't do that you show us that little flashback from his past when he got knocked out and just leave it there and who what does it mean who I don't know who does Santa have a dark past was he what's going on what what what's the mythology of Santa they're kind of sticking with mystery is gay rag shut up so many missed opportunities I guess the Highlight was the Home Alone portion I guess think mainly because of the fact started to pick up steam a little more it's a meme that's been done before in different environments like um YouTube but it's just home alone with realistic consequences that's why it's funny yeah but it also lasts for two and a half minutes and then that's what I'm saying yeah you have the idea that it starts off he notices like a few of the traps and nails and stuff and he obviously like Steps around them but then he legitimately misses one and he doesn't see a trap and the kid was maybe a bit cleverer than he thought and it takes him out of the fight it doesn't have to like kill him or anything something happens and he's like out of the fight so Santa can you know take him out or something like that he gets a an assist because of the Home Alone trap I think if we're calling it a high point it's only because it's a snippet of what we expected this film to be kind of yeah it's like we were peeking into it yeah we we were peeking into the the con cep of of this film done in a decent way but that high point was not it didn't last very long and it it didn't get high enough really don't have any decent characters in it Krampus was like the the goofy henchmen he gets hit by tongs in they yeah we just don't have anything the the social media guy the The Bert he doesn't Bert Locker he doesn't do anything except randomly say that one smart thing about not shooting people randomly but he doesn't do anything we don't do anything with his character he's just annoying the actor guy is just annoying like if you want to have some family drama or whatever like okay if you guess but you can do something with it perpetually annoyed how much was wasted with the naming conventions and why was the main bad guy called Krampus I'm sorry that's stupid why would you give it to the goofball they never called each other by their their names ever again which just means that's another wasted opportunity I guess they highlighted that it was dumb in universe and so is that supposed to make us think that they didn't even want to do that I don't know I got don't know I got I use the bathroom wrap it up I have to okay I love the idea of the the kid having an arc cuz like if you're going to do things like you know certain reversals like the Vault being empty like obvious obviously in Die Hard like it was full so that's like oh wait there's no money in it where is it right like that would be cool if you did like a an arc like that where like the kid is like bad and sort of learns to be good through the progress of the movie and ends up on the good list or something like that but like I guess they were just like oh well the child is the part of the movie so she's got to be good right off the I like it if any of these characters had an arc literally none of them do in fact the the father who is the weakling and doesn't have any you know stand up against anything continues to not stand up against anything uh except when he says oh I stole all the money and then oh hey look mom is happy with you because you stole the money and proved you belong in this shitty family there's no arcs for any of them at all none of them bro they all believed in in the end well yeah because they saw a reindeer it's not like they suddenly believed in [ __ ] they they they saw him doing magic and they were like oh well I guess if you're doing magic you must be him I suppose yeah it kind of reminds me of the Santa Claus you know the Tim Allen movie by the end of the film uh the two cynical parents finally believe in him they just felt that he was real and then really emotional scene but this is It's it had to be with this movie it had be it had to be dragged out of them your size of disappointment tell me more than any words ever C it felt to me way too derivative of the Die Hard movies like if you want to do the premise of Die Hard I get it because a lot of movies have like tried to do that sort of framework but then as soon as like the guys in the arctic Camo show up on the snowmobiles it's like yes this is so much like Dar Hard 2 and then it's like they take off and then Santa chases them it's like this is just like Die Hard 2 like I can't stop thinking about that movie now you're just doing that movie it's it is the right way because it's not inspired at all uh in in terms of like oh that's a fun Twist on an old like good thing no just is the thing a crappy thing doing the same thing a crap yeah worst version of it too yeah it wasn't even clever in the way that Die Hard 2 was in the original Die Hard 2 they show up and you kind of suspect that they're these guys are up to no good aren't they but then like Bruce Willis has a line where it's just like well he he has a line that suggests they're the bad guys but then there's a plot thing that happens that may you think oh they're okay they're the good guys but then it's like oh no no they're actually the bad guys there's a bit of a a little bit of complexity to it but in this it's just like right off the bat you know like they show up and they're going to be like not good for Santa and the hostages there's no pretense of them being characters but yet they get a lot of screen time I don't understand the priorities why wouldn't it just be hyperfocused on Santa that's like that's the selling point of the film is ah it's Santa and he's he's not the Santa you know and he is going to fight a bunch of bad guys but instead so much of the focus is on elements that are thin really thin there's too much screen time on like the people who live in the house cuz like the original Die Hard originally you would cut away to like Holly like in the nakomi building having her that weird sort of business relationship she has with that guy who gave her the watch or whatever but for the most part like that whole whole First Act is just following Bruce Willis going all the way up to nakatomi and I like that it followed him so tightly the problem with this one too is like they made all the hostages just equally completely unlikable so it's like whenever we go to these people and oh look these people are in trouble like so what I hate every single person in this room the only person who really does anything is the actor man and he basically gets punished for it when he actually does a little bit of heroic stuff uh and then breaks out of the window to go get help then he's dead he gets killed for it like the black dress chick she was just an evil [ __ ] and the the kid was just an [ __ ] but they kind of are a okay and they're fine but he's he gets punished uh the dad was just worthless character completely pointless you could have essentially eliminated the actor guy as a character and made the dad sort of him um and maybe the he thinks he's you then do the maybe he he dies in the movie you know protecting the kid or whatever doing something truly heroic not just acting and uh to save s something like that I don't know there's a stuff you could have done you could have done stuff that's the worst part about it RS is is how much of this is like oh this is a great concept and there's some shining bits throughout it where you could have tied this together and made it neat and you didn't it's just so wasted it's all I'm watching your movie and off the top of my head I I'm just like having all of these much better ideas live as I'm watching your movie it's almost like if you were making this movie you bring this movie to the meeting to be like look at how you do not do this and then watch the scenes and see if they inspire you to want to fix it and it's so frustrating like all these ideas that could have been potentially put in like that was all at the screenplay level and it costs nothing wouldn't you have written the part where like the winter camo guys come in and be like H we're just doing Die Hard 2 here aren't we like what how can we mix this up a little bit you know but they didn't even bother it's just like let's just get this Santa movie out with David Harbor kill people they they thought the premise could carry them the whole way through that the fact that they had the idea meant that their work was done yeah forgetting that you need to like the idea itself is fine but the idea like execution is everything and when you miss every single opportunity for a joke and you miss opportunities to surprise people with a few exceptions in terms of like decent jokes and decent use of the premise it's just like it's lame it's really lame that's that's the main take I have for the film lame lame lame like when John Lama walks into the living room with that little Christmas jingle and it just like doesn't rhyme at all it's not there's way too many syllables like it's just like what do think of something you know you're wasting time you're wasting an opportunity every scene that you have is an opportunity and you're not taking those opportunities you have the scene of we all knew it was coming it was just a matter of how it happened where Santa remembers their names what they wanted when they were kids cuz it's [ __ ] Santa Claus of course I think they really didn't do anything with that when he says their names and what they wanted it doesn't amount to anything the guy was really amazed that he remembered his name and what he wanted as a bike and then oh Santa's on the floor I better try and shoot him with my handgun like it doesn't mean anything and that could have been the payoff at the very end for the bad guy you know he calls him his real name something like that you know cuz he has this knowledge and you can choose when and if he wants to actually use it and we never do we didn't do anything with the sack that was really interesting the sack should have been in the whole movie The it's only the one thing bad guy pulled out a candy cane right and then he was like wait what well you know present that was it or they're like fighting in the sacks between them and they both reach in to grab something and they both pull out something like comedic like one of them has a ukulele and the other has a basketball or something and it's wrapped to shaped exactly like what it is you know and then maybe they drop it and try and pull out another thing and it's another useless gift and they pull out another thing and it's another useless gift and they do that you know there's so much you could do with the idea of a magic sack that you you pull things out of I mean whole Twilight Zone episodes and everything are written about it so but but they don't do do anything it just gets thrown in the fire and it's gone and I'm like no you bastard you you're burning an incredibly cool and fun tool that you could use for the whole movie and then again like the Texas shotgun thing that i' mentioned would have been hilarious I think I to my own horn but that would have been so funny like they got had a shotgun with a bow on it he doesn't interact in any interesting way with any of the villains all the villains are just evil none of them are just there for the money or they don't actually want to kill anyone or they're actually on the nice list but they've been roped into this for whatever reason or one of them finds that it's really Santa and then it changes their mind something but they don't do anything interesting with any of them well the guy with the history was Santa then that could have been the villain you could make the villain the one with a history with Santa or I was suggested before as U you can go both directions right villain is completely he hates Christmas but he's never met Santa but then you can have a mercenary who's fought Santa before cuz it's funny but oh well oh well well I mean I'm sure we'll get another attempt at this true movie song well apparently they're making another one a sequel's already in the works really okay well hopefully it's better you kind of blew the premise the first time you're going to have you got quite the hill to climb now yeah I don't know they same thing again well I think they're doing it in Santa's workshop with his elves or something like that I don't know okay assaults on the compound Santa's compound that actually would worked for the first moov it probably like John Lama's brother or something it's like I want reveng killed my brother I hate Christmas too okay bye Merry Christmas and happy New Year bye what are you going to do you little elf [ __ ] friends what'd you bring me

Channel: MooLer

Views: 58,255

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Id: UvbMTU-enXw

Length: 93min 58sec (5638 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 01 2024