Dylan Moran's Nihlistic Take On Life | Friday Night With Jonathan Ross

[Music] [Applause] yelling hands right it's quite happy here thank you very much I think I meant good you never be I was trying to say I assumed it was a quick way of saying it and I know it's not Dylan Moran yeah I said didn't mourn but I don't know if I got it right how is the correct pronunciation the way to say your name it's pronounced with Simon's belonging for Simon's that's why I've been going wrong ah it's said you live over here now are you still Nev an island no I live in Scotland okay in Scotland yeah okay that was a strange answer to the new zoo settling question there why Scotland why didn't you sell there because Elaine my wife's from there okay well that would make perfect sense did you like living in Ireland New Orleans great you know but there's a few things you can't do there or you couldn't do there anyway when I was there like get a job it's different now because it's like you know it's like the rest of Europe it's like the carnival for the English there now of course no oh you're all over there you know looking for work do you think if the English did we'll start moving to Ireland okay and as we know the Polish you're moving here to England and then if the Irish you'll move to Scotland yeah and the Scottish people will move to Poland who got something gone how confusing that would be for us it's not though people always move around yeah no I mean you're you for your year in West London now you came all the way from Villa Ricky or wherever you grew up some field stole Commonwealth from the East End of London cockle Hawker this is a euphemism for something I just made it up I don't know the whole look ironing come from a long line of Welk flingers we did fling a well-core too when I was a child do you like seafood yeah sure yeah have you ever had eel and mash from a proper pioneer shop I have but without the eel well that's how he was recipes go you know I'm walking thank you we've mentioned potatoes they're indirectly you brought it up Jonathan and it's one of the things that people when they think of Irish people they often feel can I mention potatoes or what they open up is one bad thing yeah would it be like gonna be a long long silence yeah have you drinking yeah we safety took one quick short fight we can we can talk about the potato if you want it do you I don't really want to but I wonder whether you find that you still get characterized or indeed defined by let's face it outmoded cliches as to what an Irish man or indeed are defined by my preference and tubers yes vegetables yeah is this a problem is that your but you're asking I'm wondering whether you've encountered this do people expect to see you walking in with a small green hat on that's what I want to know tackling a pig that would be quite wonderful just for the hell of it would you consider doing that no there isn't really an English equivalent unless like oh yes there is what would it be do you think English people have rings people have a lot of stereotypes well what would you be you know cockney wankers but that's a modern one inbred tafs and people who are John Bull with the Bulldog and result very red in the face and composed almost solely of goat I will come out wearing if you wish I will go out to evening wing a Union Jack waistcoat with the Bulldog under my arm and a top hat if you come out wearing a small green hat with a feather and a pig on the arm we will have anything approaching a deal every can have a fight yeah okay now I really wasn't aware of you as a stand-up comedian I only count you as a comic Hank daddy I understand you're in television yes I love black book so it was a you know you just seem to come out of left field and it was a very original very funny piece of work I miss it terribly I wish you'd make more I understand that you have no intention of doing so but the character of bernhard black who played in it clearly partially based on yourself well a well a bit insofar as it's what I could do but a lot of it was really just walking into these places and you know and seeing the miserable behind the desk in there you know these guys always seem to be unable to deal with life on the street who didn't want to be involved in any kind of real business they wanted to cling to what they were interested in but they had to deal with people at the same time so you'd see them and they were perfectly happy and their misery and then people would come up and talk to them and say do you have and they'd immediately go and there's loads of them okay we have a cup of black books but you're not gonna make any more you would know something else why not do something else you want to do something else you must want to do something else after what you've been doing this for at least a month now you must want to do something else mr. 20 years - I don't want to hear that why not because that makes of you harder to look at how can you bear 20 years each other.this or singing whelks I wasn't gonna go to the family business okay this is Dylan in action I hope you're a fan of this if you haven't already I imagine these will be out in DVD what day they must be so around zero you could get it it's a terrific series I hope you've seen it if not seek it out I owed you this bad boy great and basically there was great fun to do now Dylan you wouldn't think it necessary because how old you Dylan I'm 35 35 you wouldn't E's 35 he's somewhat disheveled let's face it a bit frayed and rough around the edges but I have it on very good authority he's very attractive to the women and not my area I don't know my daughter on her friends went to see you live they came out and said he's and this is the actual phrase to use Ben Aang do i what is that are you not up to date with the kids no i don't i wish i did some of it sounds great do you have a do you engage with the modern world much i'm very interested in the idea of trying to be up to speed with do you have a mobile even using the phrase up to speed I think you text people or context yeah but use a satellite navigation system I can't drive so I never been that drunk walking home please turn left there possible make a u-turn left me do you have a myspace account see again these phrases myspace you I'm in your space what's your space it's a little computer world where I could live with friends who I doesn't actually know it's my space is my space religious if you're in my space do you get a youtube I think you can go to youtube for my space but you don't necessarily have to pass through my spy store I've at YouTube okay take the satellite navigation alright and III don't know these boards you so you don't engage in the mud water in computers do you use these in the modern worlds around here no yeah it's not everybody else just you're filling your life with all these gadgets and shite because you're bored yeah but they're fun you want you want to make getting to the loo more interesting so you get a G nav or whatever you're calling it and get there on some kind of glider get it yeah it's quite well you bet my house isn't quite that big but I do have an electric toilet that Kings your bottom for you they're fantastic toilets in Japan that play music oh while you well you know they do it they do it they doesn't blame you they do the pretend then cuz we were in Tokyo not that long ago and they there's one we go in and they do they have a flushing noise when you're on the loo so that nobody gets to hear oh that's what music comes in so they can't hear you making tinkle or prop lock your awning yeah you know it'll be great used why don't we have a karaoke toilet so you're sitting in the stall and you can sing along to entertain the other Peter in there pass the time do you have any hobbies do you how do you feel your days I don't know that's a kind of a frightening question or idea I don't know I mean that I hobbies are a bit sinister I think cuz what are you can do you know you're gonna get a tractor tire and cover it in shells you know or get a lump of wood and chisel it for no reason for nine hours cause you're not happy with your life I don't know that's what a hobby is would you look at what people make from a hobby you don't want any of it do you I've got a little man made out of shells and it says on the bottom world's best dad that's different was it made by your own children no okay they paid out the money you gave them to somebody else to buy it for you no I bought it for myself but you obviously work on your comedy new why but how do you feel your David that is a very personal question well this is a chance show you minute I'll pop know what I mean I mean I mean it's an amazing different how do you feel you die how does anybody feel that I think the truth is you fill your day most of the time but by being in the washing machine of your own mind thinking what's this when does it stop am i enjoying it I don't know it's time to go sleep I can't I'm worried and then you wake up when you smear jam over your family's face on your own so now we know how you feel you're scared is that so difficult to open up no but obviously at times it's an enormous pleasure to be alive can I ask you something Dylan yes do you have a stylist I have many many do you think this is the work of one person three generations of the same family who come to work for me these craftsmen you cook have you ever caught me having like gel Lawson on the show she is a fine cook she's a beautiful woman of course and she's also a beautiful cook I am and III can make a bacon sandwich like you it's not a hard thing to make though bacon sandwich well that depends that depends oh you asked you to a bacon sandwich like your absolute David how do you make you so special then you don't necessarily have to use any bacon or bread is it as satisfying as one would hope yeah well it's sometime it's bacon surprise because it's vegetable sir are you a vegetarian I was vegetarian for about a month when I was 15 and they're the only thing I could actually eat because I don't like vegetables I actually find them morally objectionable a lot of them and I think some of them have a sinister aspect if you look at cauliflower in the right light you can imagine it at a blackjack table smoking [Music] and I don't I don't like I the only I could eat baked beans and I was 15 and you know hormonally you're right busy then and it was like eating my own reflection so I guess that can't be good for you no nice Dylan has a DVD of live stand-up material and as you no doubt will have seen this evening you know just about any your father didn't he's come back with something funny he is and that was the thing I think a naturally funny performer my daughter were to see him live I said it was absolutely fantastic the DVDs that we're gonna see a little clip it now but it's out wine and the shops like totally Dylan driving hopefully villain Dylan and now you're zooming yeah you're not showing at the moment Yugi no I'm done I hear you're watching a novel he's just crying oh yeah but I've been doing that you know I was ever since I started bringing out into cafes by myself and then everybody is anyway you know even every second person you meet is saying yeah I'm working on this thing I can't really talk about it now because if I do it's just so good you it would make your eyes explode or you know you you wouldn't be able to deal with this but could you give us a hint what you're no no our cats just too good and you know it's embarrassing to talk about anything you haven't actually how much have you written so far I have written a number of words and no handle on the computer recording devices on hand well you know phenomenon on ink not on one of those computation devices that you people speak up do you have a laptop or some of it I have a laptop it's flat it's white it's shiny it looks very impressive and I touch it often do you want of it no but I do touch the lid I'm still settling into this century do you have an iPod nope I'm waiting I'm waiting till they get all this kit in one 6 by 3 inch lump of metal and you just stick it up your arse and it does everything music all the time everything's in vivid color your taste then all you're hearing is enhanced and you never have to do anything ever again you can stay in bed and be just living this vortex of sensation yellow nothing to hold me to but you sure 6x3 will be small enough special relations tree could be that I didn't work it out okay Dylan my landlady don't have you agree is a charming guest is also a very funny man indeed it's mr. Dylan [Music]

Channel: Friday Night With Jonathan Ross

Views: 128,868

Rating: 4.9185219 out of 5

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Id: QD8BZOXEGBA

Length: 14min 3sec (843 seconds)

Published: Sat May 09 2020