Drew Lynch Stand-Up: What Makes You a Bad Dog Owner

I walk my dog on on on on a on a regular leash not another retractable leash you don't can't tell if you if you don't know what a retractable leash is it is if this it is basically a tape measure that you attach to your dog to measure how shitty of an owner you are themselves but you know don't worry if your dog wanders too far there is a button you can press you know me and my dog we have the safe word but you do whatever it's true you ever seen a dog walk on when we've learned those things it has no idea it's on a leash so he's a 300-foot radius ahead of the owner tripping innocent civilians as it crushes at the windpipe in the process every every little dog I see unattractive [Laughter] [Music] that's probably how pugs were invented to be honest that's what happened a French Bulldog will and went for a retractable leash walk will loft air and his eyes pop from its socket bless you dogs that are smaller than the leash itself and that is physics I cannot get by I thought was this one time I was back home and then in Los Angeles I was walking my dog on a regular leash and and on a retractable leash I saw this Chihuahua that was walking it lady and the Chihuahua charged at my dog okay and from a kilometer away the lady press the button and I am not exaggerating the Chihuahua went [Applause] I could have saved him but the portal was closed it was too late that dog belongs to the Past now I've never seen it - what was implied before that was because now it's adorable no helmet I hope he's signed the terms and conditions I thought that was the end of the exchange until the lady and I crossed paths about not without an hour later she had cousins and she was apologizing profusely she was like I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry my Chihuahua's just a bit [Applause] she was like she was like well I don't understand I don't understand the problem here here's the problem here is thank God my dog is not all so aggressive because she is much bigger than than your dog and if when you're not charged my dog had charged it would have just ate you would have then pressed the button and just caught my dog we can't be fishing for bigger breeds out here it's it's illegal I think the ladies like white like my dog to have freedom perfect for when they go on walks and I was like yeah but in the city it's it's a bit too much freedom wouldn't you say here's an example we're talking your dog is across the street right now about to clothesline an SUV it's Red Rover send the Range Rover over it's it's it's not gonna go good [Applause] and the ladies like well since you so adamantly disagree with it with the invention why don't you take it up with a inventor who's still alive by the way her name is Mary Delaney in case you wanted I was like I didn't know but I could see how that makes sense I think a woman could invent something with the illusion of go be freeze [Applause] we didn't event over time the idea came up to me after a show visibly upset it was like I think I appreciate that retractable leash bit I want my dog and I was like it just didn't make forever for a very good into the night and I was like look man everything I say up here as this is my party is meant to be taken and just and not too seriously but if I did say something that has surely upset you and I like to apologize I'm sorry and that I take it back and the guy was like well the damage is already don't take it back mm-hmm

Channel: Drew Lynch

Views: 665,817

Keywords: Comedy, Comedian, Drew Lynch, Stutter, America's Got Talent, Howie Mandel, Golden Buzzer, Finalist, Stand up, Service Dog, Vizsla, Speech Impediment, funny, AGT, drew lynch stand up, dog owner, retractable leash, chihuahua, leash, dog leash, puppy, canada

Id: um5XSNNvEdg

Length: 6min 46sec (406 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 20 2019