- Ready? Okay, I'm gonna start
acting in three, two, one. I'm acting. Hi, I'm Jason Segel, and I'm about to guess some
of my film and TV quotes. People fuck that up? - [Producer] Yes. (all laughing) (bright upbeat music) "Granted, gynecology is
only a hobby of mine, "but it sounds to me like she's crowning." That line was in the lobby of the hospital in "Knocked Up". (bell dings) - Granted, gynecology's
only a hobby of mine, but it sounds to me like she's crowning. Is that right, Deb? - Judd Apatow's my mentor, and one of my favorite
people in the world, but he also was a bit of a sadist, I guess you would call
it, during this movie, because he would line all of us up, the friends, you know? For a scene where we'd have to improv, and he would say one by one, you're gonna go in and try to be funny, and whoever's funniest
gets to be in the movie, and I'm gonna make you watch each other. "Lebron will never beat Jordan. "Nobody will ever beat Jordan. "Call me when Lebron
has six championships." That is from "Bad Teacher". (bell dings) And it is a quote that still haunts me. There is no way that Lebron
will ever beat Jordan! Nobody will ever beat Jordan! Call me when Lebron has six championships! - Is that your only argument? - It's the only argument I need, Shawn! - I desperately want
Lebron James to like me in real life, and I think that this quote may have actually offended him, because it was on every commercial over and over and over, and became like a thing. And I really regret saying this. Look, in my head, everyone
kinda doesn't like me that much, but Lebron especially, I
feel like maybe has a grudge. Oh shit. "No, I need to B my L on someone's Ts." That is from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". (bell dings) That was an improv in a
scene with Bill Hader. (Jason sighs) I'm still really proud of that one. - I need to B my L on somebody's Ts. - That's disgusting. - There was a lot of improv in that scene and in that movie, yeah. Yeah. We cast the funniest
people that we could find. Bill is as funny as anyone on earth, and so he made everything funnier. "A crossbow doesn't
clean itself, you know." I said this? I have no idea. I have no idea.
(buzzer buzzes) What is it? - Okay.
- Whoa! - [Violet] What is your crossbow doing on the kitchen table? - The crossbow doesn't
clean itself, you know? - What is it doing there?
- Hey! - Oh, right! "Five-Year Engagement". That's from "The Five-Year Engagement". There's a section of "The
Five-Year Engagement" that gets really, really weird. It was the best. Look, those movies have so much improv, and so much of it is about chemistry, and we just had this kind of trust in the sense that
anything either of us did, the other person would pick up and not let the other person fall, and it was one of the
best times in my life. Oh, okay. I think I know what this must be from. "I'm not a gay pirate. "I have sex with my parrot all the time. "Okay, that came out wrong." I'm just guessing from
process of elimination that that's from "How I Met Your Mother". (bell dings) Yeah. - I just want everybody here
to know I'm not a gay pirate. I have sex with my parrot all the time. (audience laughing) That came out wrong. - When you do something for nine seasons, there's a moment when you're like, okay, I'm ready to be done with this, because it's like repetitive. But I look back at playing that character as one of the best times in my life, because that is like the
sweetest guy, Marshall, and he just loves his wife so much, and he just wants everyone
to have a real nice time, he wants the best for everybody, so I think of him very fondly. "I'd like to see somebody
else order that many cookies. "Not likely. "Name one person who ordered
more cookies than me." I'm guessing that's also
"How I Met Your Mother". (buzzer buzzes) Is it from "Slackers"? (buzzer buzzes) Oh, "Despicable Me". - I'd like to see somebody
else order that many cookies. Not likely. Name one person who ordered
more cookies than me. - I just try to be in great shape for all the voice acting work. As we lead up to the start date, and then someone explained
to me what voice acting was, and I realized how much time I had wasted. "I know what that means,
but if I put my clothes on, "it's over, okay?" That's also from
"Forgetting Sarah Marshall". (bell dings) That's from the breakup scene. - I'm not gonna go put clothes on. I know what that means. If I put clothes on, it's over, okay? - That's from real life. I got dumped while I was naked once. Just once. (laughing) I was young. I was dating somebody who
went away for a little bit. They called from the airport when they got back in town and said hey, I need to see you. And in my adolescent brain, I thought that meant I
haven't seen you in so long, I need to see you. So then I was waiting on the couch, totally naked in a Burt Reynolds pose. And she walked in, and I said
I've got a surprise for you. And then she said we need to talk. And then we had a breakup
while I was naked. And the whole time, I was thinking this is gonna be so great
in the movie I'm gonna write in about 10 minutes. There's something that
didn't make the movie that is real from the breakup, which is that about halfway
through the breakup, I stopped, I stopped it, and I was like, hold on. I need to put some clothes on. And she said okay. And so then I went to my room. Picking out an outfit for
the second half of a breakup is like the hardest outfit
you'll ever pick out. I'm like going through my closet, and ripping off clothes,
and looking at them, and throwing them on the ground. And then I came out in a khaki pants and a
button up blue shirt. And I said I'm wearing
your favorite outfit. And she just looked at me and knew she was making
the right decision. Oh I know this one. "You're a beautiful woman, "but you're not totally maxed out. "I would say honestly, you're a six. "I could make you an 11." That's from "This is 40". (bell dings) Correct? Yeah, Bodies by Jason. - You are a beautiful woman, but you are not totally maxed out. I would say honestly, you're a six. - Oh.
- Oh. - A six, six and a half. I could make you an 11. That was quite a day. That was me and my best friend
in real life, Chris O'Dowd. Our only assignment, there were no lines, was flirt with Megan Fox in this pool. It was a really fun day. "You always believe in other people," oh wait, I'm starting
to know it as I say it. That's it, "You always
believe in other people, "but that's easy. "Sooner or later, you gotta
believe in yourself, too, "because that's what growing up is. "It's becoming who you wanna be. "You have to try." This is when I played the
coach in "Hoosiers" in 1986. (buzzer buzzes) Nope? What's it from? Oh, "The Muppets". Of course! I was trying to think
of when I was inspiring, and it was either "Muppets" or "Hoosiers". - [Gary] You always
believe in other people, but that's easy. Sooner or later, you gotta
believe in yourself, too. - The movie that I'm
probably most proud of. Came from my guts. And Walter, my little puppet brother, was born in my brain, and
he's based on my first puppet that I ever got when I was 12 years old. I named him Walter, and I bought him at Puppets on the Pier in Boston, Massachusets. "I'm rooting for them. "I am. "I'm like, come on, you fucked
up person, you can change. "And they just never do." That is from "Shrinking". (bell dings) On Apple TV+. - I'm rooting for 'em. I am. I'm like, come on, you fucked up person. You can change. And then, they just never do. - Bill Lawrence and Brett Goldstein, who are both geniuses, came to me and said that they had an idea about a therapist who was going through
his own nervous breakdown based on the loss of his wife, and was continuing to practice therapy while he was grieving. And I just thought it was
such an interesting idea for a comedy, because I
actually think rock bottom is a very, very funny
place to start somebody. Because if you start at rock bottom, the only place to go is up. So you're watching someone pull themselves out of despair. And a grown man crying is hilarious. I've made a whole career out of it. (jazzy upbeat music)
