Doctors Share Darwin Award Winner Stories - AskReddit

he lost the other testicle when it got infected er doctors which of your patients came the closest to winning a Darwin Award one of my patients came in with second and third degree burns all the way up his right arm it was winter and his pick up wouldn't start so he put a match in the gas tank to melt the frozen gasoline I was junior anesthesia trainee I treated a man who injected poppy juice into his radial artery he almost lost his hand and he required multiple plastic surgery procedures a few months later the old mate is back in theater for a repair of the other side of his forearm he has been riding a bicycle holding on to an idling chainsaw with his other arm he was riding around cutting down letter boxes he slipped and chains on the good side of the arm he injected poppy juice into then there was the young guy who saw what he thought was a snake he went to confirm by picking it up and it bit him he remained curious so he picked it up again and was bitten again we live in an area of Australia where every snake is venomous one of my patients male in his 30s tried to follow a healthy trend and made a medium-rare chicken recipe results severe amoebic dysentery and colitis almost resulting in bowel perforation burns are fun decided the gas in the car was dead and threw a few gallons on a bonfire to get rid of it spent a month in the burn unit when he woke up he told his elderly dad to go ahead and burn the rest of that old gas out back so we can get the car started I had a long conversation with him high on shrooms a man jumped chest first into a fire pit miraculously he was saved by his friends with seemingly minor injuries and then immediately turned around and jumped back into the pit three months in the burn unit a patient with the methamphetamine addiction attached to Jubilee clip to the base of his member as a DIY genital ring and then promptly forgot about it for several days before presenting to the ED with a severely vascular Lee compromised genital he hadn't even come in because of that though it was an incidental finding when undressing him for a secondary survey after he fell from a roof and broke his ankle we also have very frequent patient presentations 5 to 6 per week having missed dialysis for one to two weeks in returning scarily - see em levels not in ED but hematology we called a guy and told him to come in yesterday afternoon because his routine blood tests before clinic were extremely abnormal and we needed to start him on urgent treatment he didn't come in until today because it was raining yesterday he's now very unwell the one that modded the electronics on a vape causing the lithium battery to explode in the right front pocket of his pants resulting in an extremely severe burn about a foot in diameter he burned his hand completely below the wrist since it was in his pocket had his pants been a little baggy era's pocket been a little deeper his boys would have been thoroughly roasted or detached I volunteered at a hospital and while honor Duty a guy was brought in by five cops the genius attempted to rob his school where cops get trained for guns if you've never seen one you've noticed all the guns are bright red and made of rubber he parked a van up against the building and cut the wire cover off the window when that didn't work he walked along the top of the fence with his hands on the wall trying to get to an overhang he was spotted and while the guns may be fake the dog wasn't number one guy came in with his member in a beer bottle apparently he fell on it and then got hard so he couldn't get it out case your buddy number two drank bleach on a dare genius friend gave him an alkaline can't remember what thing is when you neutralize acids with alkaline there's heat a lot of heat burns along the esophagus number three had a urinary catheter inside basically a tube inside the penis to drain urine he didn't like it or the hospital tried to pull it out to keep the catheter inside we inflate the tip with water he was very quiet after trying to pull it out number four heard about this one tried to make a big custom firecracker but emptying gunpowder from smaller fireworks into a container sure that's one big explosive but let's compress it more to fit more boom into it I think he kept the arm I had a patient who needed me to complete his home circumcision I had a guy get voluntarily defied related let's just say he was a mountain Dew type of guy and he probably isn't long for this world anyway our conversation yielded some comical answers for all the wrong reasons I see quite a lot of successful award winners but one nominee stands out you'd be surprised how many men jump out of a window during an argument with their wives one guy did it but apparently forgot he lived on the sixth floor landed on a bus which partiality broke his fall but then he fell off the bus and onto a spiked fence the fence impaled him and get this ripped open his scrotum and amputated one testicle he was also disemboweled by another spike and shattered his spine and pelvis he survived but was paralyzed from the waist down and he lost the other testicle when it got infected and had to be removed he didn't have kids so a true Darwin Award I was a scribe in the ER we saw a patient who had been drinking and started to feel nauseated while in the car her daughter who was driving said something like you better not throw up in my car so this lady who apparently wasn't wearing a seat belt had the great idea to open the door while on the highway to throw up not quite Darwin award still down a patient I was involved in caring for decided to see if he could fix the noise and his running lawnmower by putting his fingers under the guard to clear the blockage a few cuts later that didn't work decided to try it again lost two fingers EMT here encountered a man who decided his electric bill was too high so he turned off all the heat in his house giant snowstorm came and dumped about three inch of snow in less than two days dude thought he might have frostbite on his toes he did actually so to warm himself up he drank an entire gallon of antifreeze apparently the name is misleading he thought it would unfreeze him put himself into acute renal failure and spent six weeks getting inpatient dialysis among other things before he was released I think this question might be better suited for EMS I was in Middle Tennessee working EMS only been out there six months so I was very unfamiliar with the area and the kinds of people that inhabited the towns my bus gets dispatched to chemical burns at Walmart upon arrival we entered the store and I asked the manager that was waiting for us where's the pool section being from Florida I assumed some dum-dums were messing around with the pool cleaning products he looked at me very confused and responded without at the end of the parking lot My partner and I hopped back in the ambulance and drive to the back corner where we see a four-door sedan with the trunk open two white males slumped over one on the ground with his back against the back tire and the other laying headfirst out of the back seat I smelled something very odd as soon as my door was open stepped out and before I took my first step my partner says get back in the bus now turns out there too were cooking meth in the trunk of their car and it exploded partner called hazmat and they took it from their person had a gastric sleeve operation and to celebrate recovery decided to drink loads of soda they drank so much that the carbonation expanded their stomach to the point where the incision ruptured we had a massive ice storm one year and power was out for weeks one family decided to keep warm by bringing their grill inside the house all four family members had carbon monoxide poisoning they were very lucky to survive my brother is a ND doctor and has some good stories he once had a lady come in who had at a cucumber shove so hard up her bottom that it had broken through the wall of the lower intestine and disappeared into her abdominal cavity when she turned up to hospital in a lot of pain it was essentially floating up by her liver she needed surgery to remove it and to try to salvage her lower bowel which was only partially successful she apparently insisted throughout that it was entirely consensual and she was enjoying it until her partner slept the best bit it was their first inter date I had this one idiot who punched through a glass coffee table cause his stupid football team won the Super Bowl a hole ruined my night hand was a pain in the ass to stitch to top it off his girlfriend was there and totally freaked out by the incident thus she wanted to break up with him and this guy became an emotional wreck and started crying when he realized he kept leaving the room to talk to his girl were calling her on the phone while I'm trying to take care of him on top of that he had to repeatedly get x-rays because despite washing his hand there were still glass remaining and he was extremely impatient due to this at one point he wanted to walk out hand messed up at all I didn't care if he left I had other patients to worry about his girlfriend however convinced him to stay I have never met an idiot of that degree in my life and I hope I never meet him again he deserves the Darwin Award damn this thread for making me remember him a patient undergoing telemetry for preoperative assessment for epilepsy had electrodes implanted in their brain subdural II patient got bored after two weeks were sitting around doing nothing with no seizures and so pulled them out amazingly there were no sequelae I was playing with alcohol and fire like plastic bottle rockets woosh bottle and jet jars well one day I had to take off the welding glove to tight the base of the gas rocket then I fire it at the moment I clicked the spark plug button I realized I was missing a glove and I saw like a slow motion of the skin in my hand turning red Brown and ripple over itself before feeling any pain I'm going to go with the patient who was at a bonfire with friends and fell into the fire his blood alcohol level was 0.28 he was also on seizure medication third-degree burns to his entire left arm first and second to his abdomen and leg he went into a two-to-one AV block during the two-hour 20 minute ride to the Burn Center resulting in a heart rate of 42 and blood pressure somewhere around seventy thirty play stupid games win stupid prizes had a gentleman shoot up heroin while on the job at a construction site apparently started falling asleep and prompt his head up with the business end of a nail gun with his finger in the trigger survived relatively unharmed save the three to four-inch nail that extended from under his jaw upwards into his mouth successfully removed in surgery a man came in with his members stuck in a mini grill apparently him and his wife were doing some ultra kinky stuff and when circulation cut off to his genital the end of it that was stuck in the grill inflated to the size of the water balloon so they had to saw the grill off one at a smoke leant over the hob to light up with oxygen running through a mask round his neck brought in without eyebrows this happens fairly often put vaseline in the microwave to melted and injected that into his member to enlarge it did a few times before it went purple out of the IDI there was this couple I saw that were having trouble conceiving turned out the guy was ejaculating into her bellybutton because that's where the baby goes they win no jeans were being passed on that way my aunt and uncle worked ER for years until they retired one of my uncle's favorite stories was about an obese gentleman who tossed his rifle out of his truck window during deer season the rifle went off and shot him through the door of the vehicle the bullet entered the love handle on the left side and traveled around his back and stopped in the fat on the right side my uncle said he removed a bewildering amount of truck door from inside the wound before he even managed to get to the bullet the 12 year old kid who ate a few super magnets not a smart idea for those who aren't sure why this is a bad idea those magnets will attract each other and can erode or caused the death of parts of your intestinal walls which leads to the contents of your gut spilling out into your bowels abdominal cavity he had to have surgery to remove them not an ER doc but once had a patient in the or for an irrigation and debridement for a really severe case of necrotizing fasciitis in his upper thigh apparently he was getting sick so he decided to inject himself in the leg with some horse antibiotic he had out in the barn the dead tissue fell out like roast beef and the smell was atrocious not a doc but I handle all the patient complaints for a very busy Hospital I meet with the ER nurse manager and she always has a story the most recent was about a gentleman who decided to do a shitload of PCP steal a car and lead police on a wild chance through narrow city streets dude got up onto the highway ramped the car and was thrown through the windshield because of course he wasn't wearing a seat belt he had an arm completely sheared off and his head was pinned under the car amazingly the guy survived this whole ordeal after some amazing work by our er demon was arraigned a few days later at his bedside the prick had the nerve to file a complaint because we got him arrested it's apparently somewhat common for committed drug users to inject a concoction of meth viagra and whatever else they can find directly into the member the worst one had tried it multiple times because he couldn't get it up after the horrible priapism the first time and ended up with a raging genital infection and now urinates into a bag through a suprapubic catheter forever another had an ill-fated amateur member piercing by his buddy wall high on meth with similar results I suppose these meet the criteria for the Darwin since it's unlikely they'll reproduce when I was working his dental assistant AG iPhone to cancel his appointment because he had toothache we also went on a home visit to an old lady she hadn't took her dentures out for years we took them out and there was maggots under it was so gross poor lady was very old and had dementia was a shame really my dad who has had five back surgeries decided to help the construction people who were building our garage by catching their chainsaw they wanted to hand down one rather than put his coffee down he was going to catch it with one hand too he had them drop it down because he didn't feel like climbing halfway up the ladder to grab it three after a deep cut to his leg you could see the bone it took us four hours to convince him that he needed to go to the hospital for stubborn guys still didn't spill a drop of coffee thanks for listening to radio DTS hit the subscribe button and activate the notification bell for a free Vaseline injection directly into your PP click the right box for the doctors playlist let us know in the comments what you think about these stories

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Id: iQX_WOYHY1U

Length: 14min 36sec (876 seconds)

Published: Tue May 12 2020