Do the Unfaithful Get Away with it All?

you today I want to tackle a question that an incredible amount of betrayed spouses ask me and just struggle with and that's just the question of what about the unfaithful spouse do they just get away with it do they just get over on us and get to live this happy life after they have made us the betrayed spouse suffer miserably a lot of times the betrayed spouses will think well they're not suffering I don't see them suffering and I'm over here in complete misery and I just want to tell you that we absolutely do suffer we absolutely may not be communicating it but I was devastated I was absolutely suffering just yesterday somebody yelled at me what about them are they suffering and so I want to give you three quick points to kind of keep in mind number one for the betrayed to heal you're going to have to understand that the road map for you is forgiveness because you're gonna have to give up the desire for revenge if you believe in God I wanted to tell you today I promise you the Bible is true when it says that you're going to have to leave room for the vengeance of God God will deal with your spouse I promise you and I'll prove it to you in a little bit if you don't believe in God then I want you to be able to understand that your spouse is probably not a sociopath and he's probably or she's probably not just this person that doesn't feel at all they may be portraying it that way but I promise you life has a way of coming full circle and I'll tell you a story in a little bit that will kind of share with you that you may not believe in God and all of that and I understand but I want to tell you they're not just gonna get away scot-free they're gonna have their own suffering and their own accountability to the hurt they've inflicted upon you so your way out betrayed spouses is forgiveness I want to read you a quote I found this morning and it kind of gave me confirmation that what I was going to talk about today was something worth sharing with you Tim Keller says this we have to release the urge to exact payment from the other and make them hurt how we hurt and feel what we feel if we truly want to forgive so you're gonna have to understand that forgiveness is paramount for your journey number two the unfaithful don't just get off easy without suffering I'll never forget there's a very popular Christian artist right now he's had a number of number-one songs and all of that but we were in the ministry together years ago and he wasn't who he is now and I was high and mighty big shot big pastor big traveling evangelist type guy I was so important in my own world I was on the front page of my own paper but at any rate we were at this conference and I was kind of running a administrative Lea part of the stage and all of that and I told him when the song is over don't do this do this well he didn't so after it was over you know five or 10,000 people are kind of moving away I took him aside and just ripped him apart I said when I ask you to do something you do it let me just tell you something you need to understand that I am asking you to do something and when we have this big presentation going on you're gonna do it and he just kind of looked at me like okay and another incredibly popular artist was next to him and he just kind of said okay man we got it we get it so I walked away like yeah and that just didn't go well four years later or so okay I'm in the middle of rural East Texas and I am driving around trying to find this dress because I'm selling real estate I literally have almost just hit a cow I'm having a terrible day I can't find this address because I'm in farms and you know all of that kind of rural area and his song comes on and it is a number-one song and the the DJ on the radio is just another number-one song for this artist and he's just killing it and he's on tour and he all these things and I just sat here and I just pulled over and was like I felt like and I don't know how old you are but there was this program on vh1 that was called where are they now and I felt like I just sat here in this where are they now a moment here's this guy big prideful me had taken him to the woodshed and now he's on you know all the secular and Christian radio stations and he has blown it open and I'm sitting here lost in this in the middle of nowhere and I just start to weep and cry at what my life had become and I just I had so many moments like that it was humiliating was I in front of a thousand people being whipped and stone no but was i humiliated internally absolutely that moment and several other moments like that changed my life I'll never forget I pulled over there was cows walking by me in the stable this little baby cow walked up and was super close to my little car was sniffing around and I just looked at him and was like I'll never forget this moment and I just cried and I just prayed and said god I never want to be that guy again I never want to be how I was ever again and I felt like the biggest failure the biggest loser it's one thing if you've kind of never had that level of success but to have that level of success and throw it away and now be just bankrupt with no money no successful real estate momentum at all your wife can't stand you on you know two or three days a week I mean I just was so hopeless we the unfaithful have our moments of incredible shame and humiliation I just want you to know betrayed we don't just get off easy I'll tell you another story when I was going and I was the man I had all these friends I I mean I was never alone I had all these you know high-level NFL Major League Baseball all these different guys that I hung out with and texted with every day I mean I just was so surrounded by friends I just felt like yeah and I'll never forget I think I was about a year maybe a year and a half out from disclosure and I had taken a job at this real estate company it was the same one with the cows and I had no friends I had one friend who stuck with me when everything fell but that was it literally it was Samantha in the kids and this one friend who lived in another state and I'll never forget I walked into this guy's office and I had kind of picked up that he was a Christian and he was extremely successful I mean he was making several hundred thousand dollars a year but I just I kind of picked up on some cues and I went into his office and I sat down and I just said hey man so how's things and good and I said hey um I don't have a lot of friends and you seem like someone I could relate to can I go to lunch with you or have breakfast with you I'm just kind of alone and I just had this real humble moment I was I was literally asking for someone to be my friend and there was so much mercy because for whatever reason he sat behind his big powerful desk and was like yeah man I love to let's get coffee tomorrow and he ended up becoming one of my best friends he really did it was just really weird and you want to talk about humiliation asking someone to be your friend so it's and I have a million of these stories and I hope to share them with you and this this video blog but I just want you to know we don't just get away with murder and move on down the road you just and here's my third and final point you the betrayed you may not see it the unfaithful may not be able to communicate it even they may not be there yet they will probably get there eventually you may or may not see the humiliation the struggle the vengeance that you want to see and you have to ask yourself is asking for vengeance gonna help you heal because I'll tell you as Samantha genuinely wanted me to suffer as Samantha genuinely wanted me to hurt it only made things worse for her it only complicated things so I think as you let go of the desire for vengeance and grab hold of a new desire for forgiveness and mercy I think that's when you are going to find your greatest freedom

Channel: Affair Recovery

Views: 125,897

Rating: 4.7829232 out of 5

Keywords: affair, infidelity, trauma, affair recovery, survivor, marriage, unfaithful

Id: 1jOxW2hllP4

Length: 10min 35sec (635 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 12 2015