Divorcees Share Red Flags They Ignored While Dating - Life Advice (r/AskReddit)

redditors who realized the spouse is a completely different person after marriage were there any red flags that you ignored while dating if so what were they there were a million red flags but I ignored all of them how they treat literally everyone else will be how they treat you if they lied to everyone you can bet they do it to you too I am an idiot but now hopefully a wiser idiot probably not though keep walking into the same brand of rake the best advice my dad ever gave me was you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat someone they don't have to be nice to and I keenly watch for this in the people around me because eventually there will come a time where you're the one they don't have to be nice to anymore his family had up boundaries and he had no opinions of his own when it came to them what his ex-wife said about him as a parent he told me that she was lying and that he did all of the work when they were together she was lazy and wouldn't clean the house and that she only cared about partying with her friends once I had a baby with him I realized she was completely honest and I was on my own I got sick for a few years and she told me I didn't sign up for this should have broken up then during wedding vows in sick our sickness herb dura sparked all right where's the margaritas when I met her parents and all they did was yell at each other turns out that's how she thought couples should communicate it didn't end well she was a liar for attention she tried telling me she was a twin she wasn't it was just minor things that to me just seemed stupid she would lie about how she used to train dogs she used to be a groomers assistant she talked about everything she had plans for and seemed relatively put together once we got married her line didn't stop mainly when I asked to you on tinder I'm so glad we are finally married so I don't have to have sex with you anymore my ex-fiance after I asked her to marry me became clingy she would call me and text through my entire workday and then if I didn't respond quick enough I get a passive-aggressive text voice mail or email about how she feels like I'm cheating on her eventually I was tired of the accusation and the apologies I had given even though I did nothing wrong oh yes many red flags I guess he wasn't completely different after marriage he cheated on me a bunch I forgave it all then two months after the wedding he told me he was polyamorous told me didn't ask if it's something we could try whatever so he started dating and sleeping with other women I was a total dumbass he figured I was such a doormat before the wedding that after it he could really get away with whatever he wanted we are divorced and I'm happier than I've ever been with a new man who has eyes only for me never married but I was engaged he was very smart and went to an Ivy League school and once told me a monkey could do my job always thought he was better than me and smarter than me and would put me down in front of his friends just brushed it all off his self-righteousness and never admitting he was wrong because he was so much smarter and better than me so I must be the wrong one all the time is what made me call off the wedding happy I dodged that bullet but pretty upset I let so many red flags slide for so long turns out I'm not always wrong and I'm actually pretty smart apparently you don't need to be smart to go to an Ivy League you just need five hundred ooo dollars I wasn't raised to be all hand-holding heart on sleeve and liked to keep my emotions private she seemed fine with this but over time would sneak in some PDA went out in public started small but got more frequent to the point where she always seemed to be touching or kissing or calling me by a pet name regardless of who was around funny thing is I've grown into a completely different person - and wouldn't want it any other way weird thing that she couldn't be wrong where I didn't pick up on the red flag was she could not be wrong she wasn't to know it all she would admit if she was unsure but if she put forth anything a belief a memory she treated it like gospel truth she could be ignorant undecided but not wrong this lead to horrible arguments where she would refuse to believe how she remembered something even if three other people were backing me up happened that his mom was a damn lunatic she could be your best friend or worst enemy sometimes in the same day we didn't drink too often when it was just the two of us but when we went out with friends she got way more drunk than everybody else I just assumed she liked to get loose when we were out partying turns out she was an alcoholic not me but what my mom heard from her mill the day after she married my dad I don't know why got married he's not a family man my mum thought she was just being cynical of her son but she was 100% correct during our 15-year marriage he'd go through phases of being an absolute for no reason I'm talking going from the nicest guy on the planet who couldn't do enough for you - an absolute monster who would use anything good he did as ammunition I didn't understand it but it was only a few times a year and people have ups and downs so no biggie my mum and sister are the same so I was used to it and conditioned from childhood to just deal with it it started happening more regularly towards the end so much so that I used to joke that he must have taken on PMS because I didn't suffer from it fast forward to divorce in the guy the First's or during those phases is the guy the first now see all of the time I realized that the nice guy persona was all in act and it was a lot of hard work to keep up this extreme up down is now a major red flag for me I'll take an even level of good bad over extreme shifts both ways I was very sick puking shaking sweating and feeling like I was close to passing out on the bathroom floor he was playing on his phone the entire time not scared of puke just completely uninterested in my well-being Oh Lord up his mother's butt 24/7 would neglect doing things at our place to go do her yard work go grocery shopping with her run errands with her hang out to her house as much as humanly possible in the same vein his family's feelings and opinions came before mine no matter what was not over his ex and refused to tell his friends and family that she cheated on him multiple times or that it made him uncomfortable for her to be invited to stuff after they broke up his mother sent her a care package for her flight to go see the guy she cheated with literally zero communication at first I thought it was because his ex used to yell and fight at the drop of a hat but then when I tried to be understanding and calm he still shut down when we were planning our wedding he said he was sure his parents would give us the same amount they gave to his brother but he refused to sit down and ask them and we ended up with debt from paying for things with a credit card at the last minute clingy AF I'm a pretty independent person but dude would CR why if I wanted to go out without him and I mean the few trips a year an hour away to see my best friend would get off if I mentioned another guy's name and would call me if I was more than five minutes late coming home he would always ask which route I took so he could map it and see how long it took he would randomly show up at my job and get mad when I wanted to work and not have him hang out we were married for a year before I laid this all out and told him that he had 10 months to show some progress and he did absolutely nothing except spending 10 months and then some messaging my best friend to ask her what was wrong my son's father is schizophrenic I didn't learn this until we were married and had a son he religiously took his vitamins every day and would snap if I offered to pick up vitamins for him while grocery shopping it was his anti-psychotic medication that he kept in pill bottles that I learned about when he beat me up and disappeared for a few weeks my most recent ex red flags included his friends asking if I was an escort and they all referred to me as a [ __ ] yeah he's the [ __ ] who hired cause he started out by explaining he was not mama's boy holy hell we moved three blocks further to five years and she lost it on me for stealing her son he couldn't give me a reason he and his ex split up just a million little things this happened after we got engaged and realized a month before marriage I realized my fiancee was selfish and only cared about herself I finally had enough and broke it off with her and ate the cost of the wedding and it was the best decision I ever made it was her second failed engagement in 10 years later she is still single and looking to rope another schmuck into her web saw her on a dating app and noticed she cut off five years off her age just a few months back had a good laugh the biggest red flag I missed was early on we brought photo albums to a coffee date to share stories about our families etc she brought two whole albums of photos of just herself in different outfits I thought it was weird but thought perhaps she wasn't comfortable sharing photos of her family yet turns out she only cares about herself and that I was right to be concerned and should have gone with my gut instincts early on she was on the rebound from an engagement with a guy by the same name and had only been in town for a couple hours before we met she always wanted me around which I found flattering and believed it was because she really cared and liked the things I did as it turned out she was pathologically unable to spend time alone and just adapted her personality to whoever she was around I needed to work and was gone eight to 12 hours per day so I moved us back near her family and friends where she grew up so she wouldn't be lonely she became a different person because of that and we divorced same thing happened to the next guy and the one after I presume I lost track while we were dating I was talking about how I like the Beatles in he for whatever reason thought that was stupid so he threw my laptop across the room he ended up being abusive while we were married marriage lasted about eight months gotta ask what possessed you to marry him after he wrecked your laptop over the Beatles it was Mick Jagger so she was a little star-struck probably the fact that he wrote a short story with himself as a Viking warrior who raided my Irish parents castle while the maiden character version of me got gang-raped and then given to him as a raiding trophy that his character raped often eventually he wrote that our characters fell in love and had lots of sex the sex was described in graphic detail he never finished the story and I never asked about it again there were a lot of other way more minor warning flags like yelling that he hoped my useless unproductive teenager brother who was a waste of breath and blood would just go ahead and die in the most fiery car crash or that my uncle and two cousins both small children would do the same for being uncultured rednecks but that one has me wanting to go back in time to smack some sense into myself then we got married and the real crazy abusive started happening two weeks later ex-wife that embezzled 700k from my business and was an abusive drug user she was fired from three jobs in four months when we started dating my bank accounts were drained while we dated and I did not pay attention then I wish I had her father gave her 30 K for the wedding and when we were presented the bill she handed the bill to me and said it's your bill now she spent the money on drugs I was blind to it [Music] [Music]

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Keywords: Reddit, Askreddit, Best Reddit, Best of Reddit, Dating, Funny, Funny Comments, Funniest Reddit comments, Best Reddit comments, Best Reddit Thread, Funny Reddit thread, Best AskReddit, Funniest AskReddit, Best Stories, Funny Stories, Funniest Reddit Thread, Top Reddit Threads, Reveal, Share, People Reveal, Insane Stories, Unbelievable Stories, Worst dates, dating red flags, partner, red flags for marriage, worst dating stories, dating horror stories, life advice

Id: tKk4vPqlTi0

Length: 12min 16sec (736 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 30 2019