Diane Spencer: Blackout drunk at my sister's wedding

the worst thing I did was when I actually accidentally time-travel through my sister's wedding yeah yeah yeah no it wasn't my fault okay because I what can I say I'm a scientist and there was champagne in the limo there was champagne at the church we hadn't had breakfast because we were wearing dresses and then we got to the reception and then my dad did a speech and it was when he was doing the speech we actually had food coming but at that point I'd only had soup and I had all these chemicals on the table and then my dad did the speech and during the speech he said of course this is a day to celebrate my beautiful younger daughter I do have another daughter the older one so hopefully I'll only be paying for one wedding in my lifetime she sat over there on the chair well she calls it a chair we all forget specials we've already changed my baby girl's name let's change the other ones days instead of Diane Spitzer everyone caller Diane's fixed up I was like passed away I were businesses and then I had blood down my name and a note saying I'm so sorry and I thought is that to me or am I supposed to get this deserve so when's where my mum was we went around and knocked on the door and mom open the door like this hello oh well would you like to come in and we'll tell you what you did last night thanks again I said what did I do the laundry did I do the dishes said no but you did sort of clean the floor in that jar in the disco you started crawling around on your hands and knees yelling you should crawl like this this is what strippers do apparently drunk die has career aspirations you crawled up to your sister and you yanked on her wedding dress saying crawl on the floor otherwise he won't find you sexy I said that doesn't sound so bad she said yes but if you remember your sister's dress had no straps you made her Katie Price at her own wedding is she okay she said yeah no she's fine because you kept yelling at her please don't let him do you up the bum you're my baby sister it'll make me cry [Laughter] I'm just looking over that's not so bad is it mommy my head hurts my brain feels like it shrunk to the size of a walnut oh really and it's your finger like a prune did I say anything else yes and now for you I would like to reenact the conversation that I apparently had with my mother we're married you will dear just be patient you know what it's cuz they've all been sick I take sick boys and not sick where cows what you were to go on the morbid here is something I tell you this guy called Olli am now one day I wanted him to go down on me mum yummy mom not you I was his name - calm down on me mum but I couldn't be bothered will like them all the foreplay come because you know I was horny not energetic oh well how can I get hit her in head down there and I had a bag of Maltese his mom what men like chasing after balls ok so I just got modular and hey boy hey boy Justino malteaser boy do you see the multi very stout student it sounds like where is it going where you going you're going to follow him up do you the boy and I pulled down the trousers and approached the malteaser up the fence piece and then I said vegetable a mesh and he went for it mum he was stricken and birth nothing away the thing is this is much I'll check I know the human body temperature is 37 point 5 degrees centigrade chocolate melts at 30 the vagina is absorbent I was eating the malteaser hey we're never gonna find it and oh yeah yeah can I be honest with you there and then yes mom please boomer I think you better solve you know prac so sort of activities in I think it's down to shenanigans like that that your father and I are both diabetic of course you're young you've got the grip for a malteaser yeah when you get in my age you need to work out to a Ferrero Rocher

Channel: Diane Spencer Stand-up Comedian

Views: 205,728

Keywords: Female comedian, funny female comedian, top 10 female comedians, funny women, funniest female comedians, funniest comediennes, top 10 comediennes, best british comedians, diane spencer, diane spencer comedian, dianne spencer, dianne spencer comedian, standup comedy, female standup comedy, women standup comedy, adult comedy, dirty jokes, women dirty jokes, funny dirty jokes

Id: eu3maKAVGRs

Length: 6min 41sec (401 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 09 2017