DeVon Franklin | Marvin Sapp | Mr. & Mrs. KevOnStage | Kenny & Faith Lattimore | Lexi | Alexis Kerr

we got into a serious argument one time about a hypothetical situation years before it was necessary and [Applause] and I'll give it to you real quick we was talking about our son getting his first car two years ago maybe a year and a half two years ago that boy don't even know how to drive yet right and Melissa was like we need to get him a a Hootie a beat-up car because my dad always gave us beat up cars kids don't need nothing right and I see a lot of people agreeing like Marvin Sapp said this is how I feel right now when I was a kid I remember kids whose parents got them a nice car I'm not talking about like a Maserati or something like that but like strong Toyota that you know what I'm saying Camry Corolla you know but newer right so in my mind this was never a conversation we had Toyota that Year Melissa is like my daddy got me a car that was the same age I was when I was born and I'm like you're the same age I was and I was born in the car that was born the same it was their twin she had 83 out of 85 87. are from my parents so we really we never had that conversation about that so we talking casually about with our friends and she like he gonna get a hoopsy I'm like you're gonna get a new car and then I really we looking at each other and now we fuss and I'm like oh we are we oh we don't really agree on this right so we went in therapy we realized we had never we see this situation differently [Music] all right [Music] that's an honor to be at the stellars it's the 38th anniversary of the Stella Awards give it up for the Stellar Awards y'all this is such an honor to be and just give it up for this venue isn't this venue absolutely beautiful so listen I thank y'all so much um for y'all can have a seat y'all can have a seat thank y'all it was like we up we uh we are they ready to dance I think they ready for the after party listen uh this season is about tough topics first of all let me ask y'all who watched the dear future wifey podcast all right all right cool cool so this season is about tough topics and we're going to Deep dive into some stuff that you know the church is a little leery about talking about some stuff maybe a little taboo uh but one of those things that uh one of our sponsors that was brought to me she began to talk to me about uh something that was very dear to her heart and I said you know what this is something I really want to talk about what happens when the child becomes the caregiver and um so welcome to the stage where you at welcome to the stage the caregiver coach Pat Bailey y'all you are amazing isn't he amazing how about that right thank you so listen um one of the things that I always fear is my mom getting up in age where I have to become her caretaker um and so that's the reason why I want to have this you know this quick little conversation with you so you can give insight to those of us that do we have anybody that had to become a caretaker for your parents look at all those hands around oh yeah that's amazing so as I was as it was stated I'm a caregiver coach I was a caregiver coach and a caregiver for my dad at 21. while being a single parent I was a caregiver for my mom at the age of 45. she died and succumbed to alzheimer's after seven years this was a journey done with my siblings it is reasonable for us to have trepidation right about managing the Creator process and then having to care for our parents we're in a lane where the authority of being in charge of our parents is not a natural shift right we've moved away from multi-generational households we were taught for years to have big mama you know Daddy come on now they were part of our Lives I mean the the the wisdom that they shared with us after World War II and migration that changed I believe that every last one of us should have some form of trepidation but my goal and my objective is to help us understand how to manage that process without guilt so you say without guilt tell me what you mean by that and going through the caregiver process with so many different families and friends one of the things that I notice is there's so much worry that the caregiver has placed on their heart about if they're going to do this well right can I be part of the Journey of my parent going back home to Father God because we have gotten a place within our Christian realm that we don't seem to understand this is not our home for real yeah yeah so there's opportunities of services that we may not reach out to I'll give an example within the black community if you say the word hospice it's a dirty word oh come on now own it and kill my mama and my daddy yeah on average in the black community you may stay on hospice for two to three weeks within the white Community you're on hospice anywhere from seven to 15 years it's a gap that huge the Gap is we are not trained to understand how to care for our parents and I'm a senior by the way my son reminds me all the time Mama you do one more thing that's one diaper that won't get changed I tell him I got people for that the takeaway is if we knew what I know now long-term care insurance if we knew about annuities today knowing about annuities if we would understand how to wrap our family in an economic Financial bubble to cocoon their monies we don't know about trust we don't know about wills we just die hmm and our family is not left with the abrahamic moment yeah of generational wealth generation of wealth um you know I talked to you um I want to do a full out episode I want to bring people on the podcast as we unpack uh tough topics later on in the season and I want to invite you back where we have couples and you begin to coach them and people that are because when I posted the real of you uh the other day a lot of people were dming me and said man that they've uh they get tired they've been taking care of their uh parent for 10 years or eight years and they've just grown tired they found that their relationships struggled going through that that their husbands left them or their wives left the the husband because they brought their mom in to live with them and it became such a burden and so I want to help bring healing and and reference and understanding because if Services can be provided to the lighten the load then I need you the caregiver coach to help provide the the uh those tools it would be a pure pleasure one of the things that we do is we as we talked about on the show I mean guys we bonded like instantly right we we help you understand the the mode of denial and we move you through Discovery to help you be able to then manage the process we help you understand how to gather resources locally aging is local it's not National right but we should have a sense of understanding which is really funny I love this one session that I did for a major mega church and it was called from what it Bliss to caregiver stress and they went on to say you know doggone well your mama didn't like me no way she moving where yeah Ephesians 6 and 2 tells us tells us that we must take care of the elderly and by the way it is the first commandment with a promise that you will live long yeah now what does that mean y'all I am not shame or shy to tell people I will have my 70th birthday this year that's what I'm talking about [Applause] right yes so I'm convinced that the time that I took in caring for my mom has a lot to do with me being able to wear these high-heeled shoes and when I get off this stage I'm going to the flats don't get it twisted so you can hit me up I'm caregiver coach Pat Bailey the company is finding new tomorrows that is my Ministry we're going to figure out what we can do for you and your family long term that's good that's good I really appreciate it good thank you so much that's why we're here hey y'all give it up for the caregiver coach Pat Bailey y'all thank you so much thank you so much ladarian thrust it suddenly into Child Protective Services in 2015. my nephew black a boy the likelihood of being adopted outside of kinship slim to none Armani 16 years old black a boy with five years in the foster care system before I even knew his name the likelihood of ever being adopted yep you guessed it slim to none while ladarian and Armani were trying to survive and barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded foster care system I was living my own life doing well professionally having been a single father with a daughter who at that point was doing well in college it was my time to live my life right wrong I felt unsettled tireless agitated there are just too many of our black children stuck in ambiguity and in the limbo of the foster care system in 2017 I legally adopted my nephew ladarian fast forward to 2019 I had no ties to this other young king but I felt God instructed me to adopt him also and I obeyed starting over with parenting should have been enough right working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless young black kings in the foster care system should have decreased my agitation right joining the board of directors of Advantage adoption an organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in foster care should have led to some type of resolve right no not at all none of it felt like I had done enough I now realize that every one of those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission Kingdom Royale Kingdom Royale will be a luxury state-of-the-art home for foster boys our first location will be in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex we will utilize the whole person approach that instills identity empowers them to advocate for themselves and enlightens them regarding New Perspectives and Limitless options that they thought were impossible though the young kings will attend the local public schools that are in proximity to Kingdom Royale our at-home curriculum will broaden their world view through participating in the Arts attending various cultural events learning about and engaging and multi-faceted discussions about current events and even relevant historical context introducing them to gardening and Landscaping and even caring for our animals on our farm and on-site Stables we just launched our startup Capital campaign with the goal of raising 2.8 million dollars now why 2.8 million dollars well in 2017 I created a web series in which I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless Community one of the most notable successes was that one of the videos went viral garnering 28 million views however one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community so throughout the years with much remorse I reflect and on not maximizing that moment I knew if at that time just 10 of the viewers donated one dollar we would have raised at least 2.8 million dollars that could have really established long-term support for the homeless Community or at least started a long-term initiative to do so this is my do-over this is our new beginning together we can attack this at the root by specifically helping our homeless black boys who are already disproportionately represented in the American foster care system I'm laters R Whitfield I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work with the homeless as well as my personal adoption Journey despite those accolades the greatest award for me is truly providing the infrastructure for a transformed life visit kingdomroyale.com for more details crown of King and make a donation today welcome to the dear future wifey podcast I'm your host laters R Whitfield listen are you still shacking up with us if you're still shacking up with us hit that subscription button and subscribe make sure you turn on your notification Bell so you'll be notified about upcoming episodes we keep it lit we live intentionally and transparently so I've curated this awesome group of panelists who believe in full transparency and so today's episode is about love and faith let me ask you when you hear the word love we're gonna start with the single people Alexis when you hear the word love what do you think about is it a painful thought it's a happy thought what do you think it's a lot of Joy a lot of black Joy I think of romance I think of companionship I think of us when I think of love so it brings a lot of good memories what about you Lexi when you hear the word love is different for me you know Marvin and I were talking about that backstage and we are the what did you call it Marvin we said that uh we're the what do you call it he called it where the bereave we're the bereavement couple uh and so love for me means a lot different from what it may mean for other people when I think about love I think about till death do we part yes so when I think about that I think about through thick and thin sickness and health for real so when I look for somebody I don't look at if they look good or if they look good in a suit I I look at them and see if something happens to me will you love me through it that's good yeah so that's good that's good let me ask you that then faith when you think about love what do you think about I think about the fact that every human has a need for some type of companionship some type of relationship in their life and I think that we all aspire to have a love that we can build on A Love That Will Elevate us that will move us forward not backward not tear us down yeah and I think that we're all United in having that goal and having a love that brings peace joy happiness fulfillment as all of those things to our lives now that we're searching that somebody else has to make those things for us yeah but it's going to add those things into our lives Melissa love when I think of the word love I think of the warm and fuzzies when you think of Love um kind of this very romanticized Vision that we have about love and then being married for 19 years I also think about the work oh I said 19 years you got to give you got to give it up for that 19 years of a long time to be married to Kevin stage [Laughter] so yeah I think about the work involved to um to be to choose someone on a daily basis and work on myself uh he is working on him his self and then we also have a relationship that's like a third party in this relationship yeah that you also have to focus on and cater to and you know intend to um so yeah I think I think love is it's a really beautiful thing and um something clearly I've experienced all of these years but I also would be like remiss to not consider the work that took me to get here 19 years later marriage be hard yeah yeah [Applause] uh when I think about love I think about you know love is a word that comes and goes you know I think some people really don't know what it truly means to love some love yeah uh in this season hey man Melissa and I just celebrated 19 years and I think it's best described now is love is managing the change right I think it is for us we started dating at 16 got married at 20 and 21 had children at 23 and 25 moved to LA at 30. Melissa and I just turned 40. uh she turned 40 this week and a lot of information he didn't ask for and that is over those 20 years that's a lot of transitions yeah your job how you feel about yourself a parent where you feel like your career is going you're managing loss and you know things that you thought were important as you grow an age and change and you know relationship with God all these things change and you're married to the same person who now thinks differently feels differently uh Sometimes some parts of Melissa have gone all the way back to how she was at 16 at 38 you know what I'm saying or 35 what was it 29 uh 29. so it's really about being loving someone enough someone enough to be flexible to adapt to the version they are today now that's important right there how many y'all know how important that is because when people evolve a lot of times you'll say I didn't marry that version of you and so you find it as an opportunity to walk away from that person and that's very deep yeah I think you know like I said when you life transitions happen and they're some are big like kids growing up and you know uh being born and then being teens you know so much of your life was devoted to like changing them and stuff now as long as the Wi-Fi is on and their phones connected to Postmates they don't really need nothing so you know who am I as a parent now you know that stuff starts to change yeah um as you age your career is very important to you especially if you identify with your career and like your success you when I lost my job The Confident Kevin Melissa knew was gone I was like oh my God I'm not good at anything I'm not bringing no income but and now I got to clean the house and cook we reverse you know so I'm making her lunch she kissed me on the way out I was like hold up no no this ain't right so she loved me through that transition uh and I think it's and here's the thing I'll say even if it makes me mad or makes me look bad there was a version of Melissa that was easier to love because it didn't challenge me as much right hold on hold on you gotta let that Settle yeah there was a version of Melissa that was easier to love because she didn't challenge me as much so it didn't challenge me and then when she demanded more vulnerability from me that was hard to do because I had gotten away with not having to do that for a long time and I realized that in this stage of our marriage I'm going to have to do this for us to make it there's no getting out of it and I could have been like no I never had to do that before why you asked me to do this you trying to change me you trying to change me well if we gonna stay married we gonna change so I I never understood how people got divorced after 20 30 years yeah what was y'all doing and now I see if you don't want to do no more work you could be like you know what I'm just I can't go through another change with you I or this version of you is too hard to handle and I'm look I see that old version of you that was easier and I don't want to do that so it takes a re-commitment to work and this is my last thing I'm saying uh I realized that I just got back in the gym started lifting weights again and what's crazy about it is I used to be able to bench 225 pounds like five six times but if you stop lifting weights your body will forget how strong you were so you got to start all over again and get build right back and they'd be crazy under there like I used to be able to do this thing now I can't even get 145 up 10 times and that's what marriage is like you really got to be like I'm gonna have to start and learn this version all over again and you really that's the commitment though that's how you get to 20 years that's real that is absolutely real Kenny when you hear the word love you're you're a balladeer you write songs about love um hey man so when you hear the word love what do you think about I think about possibility I think that for everyone that does not feel like they have found love it's possible it's there love is Hope um Love is safety for me to find love again as some people say about my life that you know know a little bit of my story um I find that love is faithful love is faithful even a little play on word there with faith I see what you did there see what you did there so uh with that that's what I think of I mean I love every answer because that I knew this panel was going to be like this though yeah yeah yeah so I don't even want to prolong it you have given so many nuggets and I think we have to hear from you about it and but but for me tonight what I represent is love being hope and possibility hope impossibility love is Hope and possibility that's good Devon love um when I think of love I think of well-being well-being yeah why why because I think that at the end of the day if I say I love me it means I'm committed to my well-being if I say I love you I'm committed to your well-being I think so often when we hear that idea of Love or someone says I love you they say it in the word but you can't see it anywhere in the deed and so for me it's about well-being and I say that one thing is that love is to me our natural disposition it's a natural natural it's a natural distance the only thing that happens with love is it gets blocked God is love we were created in His image the idea that we have to find love I think is a false Pursuit because all we have to do is look in the mirror and love is looking right back at us he said look in the mirror and love is looking back at us Bishop Marvin am I the last one after all that we've heard thus far when when I think of Love honestly I think of sacrifice um since I'm I'm not the only preacher on stage but you know the Bible says something profound and I think that many of us miss it's probably one of the most quoted scriptures in the Bible and that's John 3 16. yeah the Bible says for God so loved the world that he gave his only let me stop but God so loved the world that he gave his only if you're not willing to give your only you're not really in love because love is based upon sacrifice yes and whenever you are connected to someone who's supposed to be your love interest your focus should be am I willing to sacrifice my only for that individual because if I'm not willing to sacrifice my only for them that means that there are things that I'm holding back that I shouldn't be holding back and that I really believe that the person that I'm connected to is not worthy of the sacrifice that I'm supposed to make so when I think about love and this has been my thing forever you know it's about making the ultimate sacrifice for that individual and being willing to give all that I have and all that I am in order to ensure their happiness [Applause] that was good Lord Jesus bro I don't know why they hit me like it did it did something to me isn't it did something got my eyes getting teary-eyed listen when you think about that being single um I'm gonna start with Alexis and you hear that level of sacrifice have you ever love somebody and you love the wrong person with such a sacrifice like that investing in that person giving them chance after chance and time after time and it made you say no Jesus it made you say I sacrifice for the wrong person how much time do we have so I absolutely you know when I when I heard the bishop I was thinking to myself that's why I have not had love for a long time it's because I didn't want to make those sacrifices to some comments earlier I didn't want to be vulnerable like it's a lot of work to be a corporate woman and have a level of power um and a level of expertise and then come home and lay that all down and say okay I'm gonna follow you and in all of your imperfections um but I'm reminded now after being in love for about a year that I'm imperfect as well I'm constantly reminded of that and it's that I have to give something of my myself to get something so much more and so when I think about love and and romance and relationship it's work that I have to do to unpack all of the things that I have been doing been thinking that have been important as a single person and saying some of that I have to lay down for a relationship for companionship for me to take these next steps so we can be happy and and so it's less in my mind about a sacrifice and more about you know what are the things that we need to do so that we can be happy together and in that happiness there's a us there's not just a me that's good listen that's real good Melissa you said you've been married how many years again child 19 years huh 19 years so when you thought about you know when you got married really really young did you have any type of examples that was showing you that marriage takes sacrifice oh absolutely my parents uh were the best examples in two for two reasons my parents were married for 25 years before they got divorced so my entire childhood I lived in a two-parent household so it was a really really great example when my parents divorced they were also a really really great example because I think if they could uh go maybe not today but earlier uh if they could go back in time they wouldn't have got divorced and so it taught me the value of of fighting for your marriage uh we think that it's you know uh easier on and this listen let me say this because I know it's going on YouTube so I can see the comments so let me address them barring abuse okay barring abuse there is something to be said about fighting for your marriage and making a decision at the end of the day I say this all the time marriage and The Vow that you make when you say I do you recommit that every single day in your decisions yeah we're all on social media if someone slides in your DMs that's an opportunity to recommit yourself to your marriage that's good because it's a choice that's good and I think every single day for 19 years I've had to re-choose my partner my husband I've had to re-choose my my marriage my vows every single day so how do you feel about Kevin being a low-key exotic dancer he always got his listen his shirt off online so I'm saying did you did you marry that when you I absolutely did not but this is the thing my husband is losing weight okay so y'all gotta respect it [Music] let me stop let me stop it's careful break out yeah I was gonna say don't threaten him with a good time it'll be a different show oh man that's hilarious so when you when you hear about sacrifice Kevin what stage of your marriage they always talk about The Seven Year Itch that y'all experience The Seven Year Itch was that seven oh no you know what's crazy I feel like the first 10 years were great although they're all great in different ways I think um I'd say probably we got married to 30 plus and actually really the last five years 30 plus what or our age was 30 plus I'm sorry what that match don't match yeah after 10 years I'd say the last five years have been that uh I wouldn't say itch but I would say the most challenging and because it was honestly it was unexpected because you think oh if that people say you get through the first seven years you're cool yeah but the thing that I found is nothing in our life really changed those first seven years so it was like our marriage really wasn't tested in that way uh when we moved away from uh Washington and our parents and our church home it felt like oh now the clock started ticking now we're starting to make all of our decisions on our own and I think um the last five years is when you close to 40 you start what am I doing what's my life like am I making the right choice who am I am I the person I used to be am I the person I want to be anymore and that person you're and then there's a level of success that happened as well so managing that transition was was uh challenging as well and then as Melissa I feel like um learned first about vulnerability transparency things like that and was trying to get me to come along but didn't really have the language that I understood first so so it started off as like we don't have deep conversations no more so I'm like girl we is not 16 staying up till 2 A.M like you sleep I ain't sleep you know what I'm saying like after 15 20 years I know I know all that stuff right so I'm like okay I'm gonna have a big conversation I come home I put my phone down look in your eyes let's be deep that wasn't it then she was like so she was learning more and learning more learning more so she was like I need to be more vulnerable we got to that I was like I don't know what that means she was like you never tell me when you're scared and I was like I thought about that for a moment I was like I I never tell myself when I'm scared so you were asking me to do something for you that I'm not even willing to face for my own self and then what happened was as a man and then as a black man you really ain't taught to be scared so it's like I don't want to show you no weakness ever so you like you want me to be weak in front of you and cry I mean can you say uh like uh no I already kind of said it like I'm out here like you know uh I'm sorry sorry uh I'll be saying it though um but then I realized that that mindset wasn't gonna get us for the next five years so I could have chosen to be like I'm strong I'm strong and I honestly didn't understand that there's levels to strength yeah right strength isn't all brute bronze strength you know what I'm saying strength also requires caring and nurturing right but I thought it was all I don't cry I don't cry and then I realized once I opened up them tears you can't get that back once you unlock that part of yourself you know I'm in therapy early now you late five minutes let's tell the therapist on you that week you know what I'm saying so I think uh to answer the question that you asked which I don't remember anymore but I'll just keep talking uh I had to be willing to do more to keep what was important yes and I was willing to do that and I'll be honest being on social media and seeing what single people go through is the best reminder to fight for my marriage they was argue our cream dates on Twitter for all week you can't grow and I'll be like you know what what even harder because the last thing I want to do is be out dating right now because I feel and I'm sorry to y'all uh whoever y'all is but it is a great reminder to fight for what is important to me because God Almighty I don't want to be out there with y'all how do you feel about that how you feel about that Lexie uh-oh yeah no you were talking about sacrifice yeah and we talk about no even when we talk about the fact that um being in these dating streets can be a little challenging or depressing do you feel like uh it's challenging you out there or do you have your pick of the litter it's a mess no no no no no it's it's what is what you say it's what you say it is Devon let me tell you what I used to do so I had this thing where when I was when I was dating because of what happened with with my husband and walking with him through cancer what I did was I didn't go get therapy I didn't I didn't go get it so I started making poor very very poor decisions and so that led me somehow into dating people that I dated their potential and I and I used and I didn't know I was doing it and so I would I would I would I would date guys that I would have to help projects Build-A-Bears yeah and and and I would really really help and help too much Devon are you listening I would really whoa I would I would date these guys and I and and and they would need so much help they would they were cute they had the swag they they knew what to say and I love a man that can talk man if you if you talk good I'm telling you it we can we can are you listening Alexis I'm telling you these men [Applause] but I was dating potential what they could have what they were going to be what they were saying and so I would help and I would help financially I said I would help financially there are people in this room that have helped people financially I know I'm not the only one but I'll be the only one I'll stand by myself it's no problem but I dated potential until I got myself together I'm The Runaway Bride Devon I I put it on Instagram I was about to get married Alexis put it on Instagram everything in my lion Marvin and everybody the other everybody sent me gifts and money and I'm so happy for you but the closer we got to marriage let me tell you something about God is so faithful that he will give us red flags he will expose and I'm not saying this for a sound bite hear me clearly God is so good to us because he will show us who that person is but what I did is I would see it and I would ignore it I'ma say it again I would see it yeah and then I would ignore it and I would keep going that's my fault God showed me what I had and the closer we got to marriage I said the closer we got to The Wedding Date everything was paid for am I Marvin he back there saying show us you're telling the truth I had an invitation thank you sir everything was paid for in Jamaica sandals Kenny everything was paid for rooms my family had paid 2500 a piece to be there and the closer we got watch this I kept saying I can't call it off liters because everybody paid their money but I knew in my soul that it wasn't right yeah the more I sacrificed the more he didn't appreciate me and I called my mother and I told her Dr knuckles I know you're watching go see your patience right now I told my mother I said Mom I don't think I'm going to do it and my mom said baby don't do it we don't care about money like that don't do that don't do it at all because I will cry on this don't do that and I called it off I called all my family I called everybody and I said I can't do it my family told me hey we going anyway because we paid 2500 and I bet you we going I've got you we going we going and they did and they turned up and turned out and I hate when people put things publicly and then when things go wrong divine they say respect my privacy I got on Instagram and I said I'm sorry y'all I just can't do it did I do it I said y'all I just can't do it we had some differences and I can't go through with it but I'm here in Jamaica I Am The Runaway Bride and I'm here to tell you right now do not date potential yeah don't do it when you see the red flags see them pay attention and watch this Devon you're gonna love this part I went and got therapy [Applause] therapy God and therapy equals blessed there it is there it is as you transition from that did you ever have any regret that you ever have any moments where you want to go back to that situation it's the best decision I've ever made and I know they're watching and I'm so sorry and we're yeah [Applause] the thing about my exes is they all follow me Devon all of them create Pages they told me this they create fake Pages because they're blocked but they follow me anyway the best decision I ever made was leaving you [Music] [Applause] all know my my wife got this book and it's called sis don't settle how to stay Smart in matters of the heart and everything that you're saying is so funny because I know she talks about so many of these things in that book and finding the value in ourselves yeah and it's I know you can talk about it way better than I can but I I love it that you found the value in yourself of course the Lord illuminated his value in your life and what the vow actually was so that you didn't get all tripped up in that because then you'd have to live with that and and maybe guilt and maybe other things that you'd have to add to the therapy but I know you were that speaks to your strength because so many people they're so concerned about what everybody else is going to think but it's your life it's your life and your decision because I've seen that so many times where we did engage we did our counseling before we got engaged yes for this very reason because we wanted to have these tough conversations before we ever decided we were going to marry each other because what it what what was going to happen when we had those conversations and started peeling back those layers after we made the announcement after we told our family after we told our friends you feel pressure you put pressure you're concerned about being embarrassed and what everybody else is going to think when it's the rest of your life the biggest decision you're going to make the person who will have the most influence on your career on your health on your happiness on your mental health your emotional health is the person that you will walk through life with right it is the most integral decision you will make it is not to be taken lightly you cannot care that the waiting invitations have already been sent out yeah so so when I hear stories like that I think it's amazing because um because it it speaks to it speaks to that strength and I wanted to say you know I I wrote my book because you all have been married for more than 15 years I dated for 15 years I was a professional dater so when you talk about red flags I wanted to see when a red flag came my way I wanted to see how red the red flag was I wanted to test the red flag see is it really red or what what's happening here so I went through all of those stages every phase every scenario you think could happen in the dating World being ghosted being rejected uh you know thinking I've met the person I'm going to marry instead of getting an engagement I get a breakup every scenario and what I found myself um later as we talked about this before I realized that I had become cynical about love and I wanted to get married and and what was happening though I had all of these thoughts and beliefs about what I really thought about love and relationships and then I realized you cannot be a cynic about love and then expect to attract it in your life at the same time yeah so I had to start working on all of those experiences that I had that started um you know making me fear going into another relationship and what I was really doing was trying to protect myself from being rejected again but that fear was just poisoning my perspective because even when a good person came along I was so scared of being hurt again that I would make them pay for something they had nothing to do with in my past that's good that's good that's good Devon let's talk um how hopeful are you in regards of love when you think about love when you think about let me ask you do you want to get married again and um and how hopeful when you see thank you whoa that was intentional I just he asked me a personal question so I asked him yeah so when you think about when you look at these dating streets and you see what's out here um you know and as Kevon stage said about looking in these social media streets hearing this rhetoric about what women are looking for and what guys are looking for you got this red pill Community against the pink pill community and all this type of stuff um how do you feel when you think about love without I'm talking about straight on a I want to say carnal level because we can always put Faith over it we're going to transition to that but when you think about it just on spiritual alignment I see I don't win Faith again when you think about alignment how do you think about the possibility of finding love again yeah you know again I think it goes back to you know for me it's it's it's not about looking because that looking Spirit creates a a vulnerability not a vulnerability where you're like expressing yourself it's like You're vulnerable to someone taking advantage of you you know if you want to talk spiritually go to Esau and Jacob when Esau was hungry and he was looking he was in position to be taken advantage of so I'm not looking for love but I'm ready to receive love that's a different way to do it because when I'm ready to receive I stand in my power I stand in my authority I stand in my identity and then I let God bring me and then I can evaluate and say oh this is greater this is the right failure but if I'm out here looking that implies a desperation and and so often you know and I I did a sermon about a month ago called one of one uh the truth about being single and this idea you know I'm just in church this pressure to push people into marriage yes to make people think if you're single something's wrong with you I'm here to tell you we're all single even if you're in a couple when God created Adam he created a single when God created Eve he created a single yeah the couple one plus one equals one if I can't be one with me how can I be one with you facts if I think that being with you is better than being with me the couple is going to suffer so when I think about love I think first and foremost Devon has to learn how to love Devon instead of saying oh well I want this person to fix me or I want this person to make up the difference in what I'm not doing so for me I'm on a mission to say one it's okay to be right where you are Lexi you listening okay it's okay to be right where you are it's okay do not buy into the idea that if I find someone I will be happier yeah happiness is a state that has to be cultivated right now if you're waiting for someone to be happy yeah you're going to find somebody and I promise you if you're not happy now you won't be happy then so I have I've been learning okay love myself you know value myself look back over my past where did I you know go wrong what can I learn right and as I learn that then I'm better qualified to identify who the right fit is a lot of times we may choose somebody um because we don't know who we are yeah and the more we come into an identity of who we are the better we'll be able to choose and the one thing last thing I would say is as painful as love is don't close don't close that's good don't close no so I'm open right I'm not going to close my heart I'm going to keep my heart open wide because this is a Thing Called Life yeah and I don't want to close because of what happened in the past I want to be open to what God is doing right now that's good [Applause] for you I just wanted to speak to I was talking about in the singleness in in marriage it's this idea called differentiation I actually think that's kind of like the thing Kevin was alluding to in the last five years I think what happens in marriage is that we become consumed in our role that we forget the individual and especially women specifically we become so consumed in being a wife being a mother and you know doing all of those things that you forget about taking care of self and I don't mean that in like the very superficial getting our nails done my hair done but like actually asking yourself what do I like and being okay if that answer is different than what your husband likes and having a conversation about those differences so you understand when you're making um an accommodation or when you're making a compromise because when you make a lot of accommodations in your in your relationships resentment builds because you feel like all I'm doing is is giving to you all I'm doing is giving to you or I'm sorry accommodating all I'm doing is accommodating you all I'm doing is doing what you want to do all I'm doing and nothing of what I want and sometimes you do have to do that don't get me wrong a lot of relationship is accommodation but it is also compromised it's saying this is what I want this is what you want let's create something different that is I give a little bit you give a little bit and I think that is um the hard part about or one of the like sneaky hard Parts about relationship is being okay to be different or differentiating yourself from your partner and still maintaining the we of it all I'm not saying to go be so differentiated that you haven't established the weed because that's important as well but I can't be so consumed with the we that I forget the me yeah that makes sense yeah yeah that's good Marvin when you think about dating as a bishop has a bishop dating how challenging is that well I'm on Bishop um so so when I think about being a pastor preacher teacher um recording artists executive all the things that I do that encompasses who I am you're asking how do I date or do I date is that the question that's the question I do absolutely Dave wait a minute let me say this I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm a very when your life is public right and you know everybody knows you but you don't know who they are yes there's some things that you try to protect and I think one of the challenges that this generation has is understanding the difference between secret and private um I date privately because of the simple fact that my whole life is public and because my entire life is public I'm not trying to keep you a secret as much as it is then I'm trying to protect you from the attacks that could come your way that you may not be ready for teach so for me dating is different because of that right um also I think one of the challenges as well as as well rather is it can be difficult for women to understand that and the reason why is because I believe very personally that we live in a society that is overly exposed right and because we live in a society that's overly exposed everybody want to know who everybody with and why can't you post me on your social media the reason why you're doing it is because you're probably doing something sneaky yeah and the truth of the matter is is that no the reason why I'm doing this is simply because I'm trying to protect the only thing that I can protect because I can't protect every aspect of my life but my personal life is my personal life that's good so you have to you have to learn how to fit into that space and for many honestly it doesn't work for them and and I am cool with in not working for them um but I mean you know when it comes to dating dating is one thing looking for marriage I I I sort of agree with Devon but I also understand something and and let me say this I talk about my late wife a lot be 14 years in next month uh that she'll be gone uh transition for this life to life eternal but I learned some very valuable lessons from her especially during the dating process and the reason why I end up choosing her was very simple because I knew in marrying her she was not just marrying the person but she was marrying my purpose and um I think I think what what many people fail to realize is that when you are trying to connect to a divine a judge I came on stage any person who has any level if you will of notoriety or Prestige or however we may look at Power you have to understand that you're not just connecting to that individual you're connecting to all aspects of them and especially when it comes to being a pastor yes women can tear your church up yes yes so you you have to really be selective now let me say it like this too and I'm closing I promise you this is my clothes second close uh I usually do three but I'm just cool too I'm just gonna do two one of the things that has always bothered me is that we live in a world where when the president is looking for a vice president we never know who that person is until they are vetted there it is we need to learn in the dating space how to make sure that we have vetted the individual knowing everything that we need to know before we go public so that we won't be embarrassed by things that we find out later about this yeah so it's all right ladies man it's all right for you to date privately to not let everybody in their mama know who he or she is until you find out everything that you need to know so that once the unveiling happens you won't be embarrassed by finding out stuff that you should have found out during the process not about the flutter and the excitement yeah but thinking and processing before you move forward that's my clothes that's good that's good Lexi have you dated Christian man that's all I date what you trying to say I'm just I'm gonna ask because of my pants you don't think I'm gonna ask you two questions ever since I walked in here you had something against me liters have you dated have you dated unbelievers no so how important is your faith when choosing your purpose partner you got to remember I've been married before right so my thing is if two people don't listen to the Holy Ghost here's the thing because we're not always going to agree right so they're going to be sometimes you're going to make me angry right and I won't be able to hear you because I'm angry right now right I'm not agreeing with nothing you talking about everything you saying is just falling on deaf ears I can't hear you but when the Holy Ghost says now you know you're wrong right yeah I have to be fully submitted to the Holy Ghost so that I can come back and apologize to you even when I don't want to if two people can't do that we're not going to make it the percentage of people who are of Faith getting divorced is over 50 percent right if both of us aren't committed to the Holy Ghost we're not going to make it I can't afford to date someone that is not filled with the Holy Ghost not just feel but submitted to it and will listen because I'm listening but until we're both listening it ain't gonna work there's no way I'm so glad that I listen to the Holy Ghost can I say there was one time where my my husband and I I knew that he hated it when we would get into it I knew that he hated it I would do it on purpose ladies I would leave the house he hated that he always told me I don't like it when you leave the house it makes me feel a certain kind of way but I couldn't win the argument so when I couldn't win the argument I would leave it all I would do y'all is get in the car and go around the corner I was just I wouldn't go long you know but I would go around the corner and one time the Holy Ghost said stop doing that he doesn't like that stop doing that but I wouldn't I wouldn't have stopped if I hadn't heard from the Holy Ghost I'm so glad that I listened to the Holy Ghost because little did I know that we only had five years together had I not been submitted to the Holy Ghost I would have wasted time being a silly woman tearing down my house having silly arguments and then when he went to go be with the Lord I would have regretted everything that I had ever done and that weight on me would have been too much to bear thank God that I listened to the Holy Ghost if you don't date someone who is filled and is submitted to the Holy Spirit keep it moving come on now that keep him enough Alexis I think it's also a double click on that because I was naive enough to to be in my 20s and and in my 30s to say that oh this is an amazing Christian man and everything's gonna work out and there's still work like I have to be vulnerable we have to communicate you need to get up and go to work every day like the Jesus stuff is the foundation but there's everyday stuff like that we gotta get up and do and I think I used to just think you know I'm like just romantically I mean I had no clue like of the work you gotta do and the not necessarily even sacrifice but like the the compromises the adjustments I gotta be quiet sometime and just listen I gotta go do things that I may not be excited about doing but like that's what companionship and partnership is and so it is all it is Jesus love and the Holy Spirit and all of that but it's work I needed counseling and I go to counseling now so that every time I get this urge to be like um maybe this isn't it or maybe I got to do more work you know every time I get those urges the council is like let's go back to to why you came yeah let's go back to your commitment let's go back to all of the things that you love about your your mate and so it's work and I think you know I spent a long time thinking of this fantasy of what love should be could be and now I'm in the midst of the work and it's it's wonderful like Miss Kev on stage said but it's also work and and that's what the companionship is it's work but it's a great journey you know and I'm I'm enjoying the space that I'm in now but it's work that's good when you think about when you think about this whole thing about high value woman and high value man do you refer to yourself as such no I am a woman who is looking for a heterosexual man who enjoys the company of women uh past present and future and and and just is looking for love um a strong man a black man a good man if you have children a great father not a runaway father I mean just those good characteristics so it's it's less about you know who I am or what my job title is today it could be this but tomorrow it could be that teach and Alexis is still looking for amazing love with a and a connection like those things don't go away money has nothing to do with the connection I have with someone when he says hey you you y'all change the color to Blue okay come on let's go find you something to wear and don't you have some shoes and let's lay it out like that's the friend that I want and that has less to do about the money the money helps um more to do about like just that friendship and and all of the amazing things that love is and that love brings Alexa let me ask you this if you found a guy with all those things but he wasn't making money that you deem as acceptable would you submit to that leadership I don't know what acceptable is but look I'm I'm happy with what I have right now and I'm gonna keep that and be satisfied with that no but he's an amazing man and like I said it's less about the dollars and the cents and more about the care the love and the companionship that's important to me Marvin you got to say something no he was just having a conversation I heard you about things that's important question we was just having a cop you know this this is a this is a good place seguing to ask this question because I had a conversation with somebody recently in the conversation was similar to this they said that men love unconditionally but women love conditionally now hear me when I say this this is was the conversation that men love unconditionally and women love conditionally meaning that a man could see a woman and no matter what Walk of Life she comes from oh yeah and no matter not only what Walk of Life she comes from he can be a billionaire and he'll marry a nanny right yeah because they love unconditionally they'll look at you and love you and marry you however you are however it's different when it comes to a woman a woman loves conditionally and the reason why I say that is because y'all ain't got to like it it's the truth it's the truth and let me prove your conditions the question was just asked if he had all of the qualities emotionally yeah that you needed you got the bag yeah could you marry somebody yeah that doesn't happen no I'm just I'm using yours example not not you but would you marry someone if you had the bag and they didn't have the bag but they had what you needed emotionally yeah I know somebody right now one of my best friends in the world him and his wife that's them they got married have been married for 25 plus years she has always been the bag and he has always been that support that's rare yeah you said 25 years 25 years of marriage that's rare and that's a question that's a good question because the reality is is that most of you all I'll say 90 of you all sitting in the room you wouldn't and this is the question that every woman you so wrong bro over there Bishop can I say something oh would you marry somebody would you marry somebody that was in your position if if if if if if someone came up to you that was doing what you were doing living the life you were living financially where you are credit score the way yours is would you marry them in your position some of you would some of you wouldn't because there's only like seven of y'all that said yes [Laughter] I was gonna say that um just walking up in here say hey hey to the panel everybody say hey Jonathan what's up hey he gonna just slide in just gonna slide in um okay so listen I'm not disagreeing with clearly the legend that is Marvin Sapp but I am going to offer a different perspective not disagree that I think that the currency of men is a little bit different and the value system is different so the condition that a man would put on the woman is she gonna be cute she gonna have a body and he's going to expect what he expects what is that what does he expect you're a stay-at-home wife you ain't got no job you ain't got no kids you ain't doing nothing but shopping I'ma need you to lay down and be nice tonight every night when I expect you to do and so I just think that currency is just and the value system is a little bit different that's the first thing I'm gonna say the second thing I must say is that's that's a woman's perspective though because that's not all men I think I think when you had said millionaires when I had thought about the wives that they have been with they'd be cute though you must not have watched a couple of these millionaires that I'm talking about oh okay okay I'm not disagreeing so yeah I'm gonna let you have the point because I don't disagree uh the other perspective is that um God dang I forgot what I was gonna say next it's on purpose it was on purpose it's on purpose I told you it's coming right now [Music] foreign I just threw some stuff out there just to mix some stuff I love it no I remember I told you the Holy Ghost was gonna forgive me the other thing I was gonna say is from a woman's perspective is that sometimes a man's ego be bruised when a woman makes more money and so even if we're willing we gotta negotiate stroking your ego making sure you know you the man making sure it's okay baby I still respect you as a man you can pay the bill here's the here's the credit card [Applause] let me make sure you feel respected now I gotta go over and above to respect your man you should give that to her husband decency in order it was a five dollar bill anywhere unconditional really respected and loving and that was the way I did not disagree [Applause] with the legend that is Marvin Sapp [Applause] Marvin you had an away game please like him he's an away game this is an away game the winner was like yeah Marvin yeah what's up now it was too late we're standing up they were standing up that's what he was like you know what I ain't gonna do this baby I ain't got nothing to say I still feel how I feel y'all feel how y'all feel you and your wife got married at a young age how important was your what your faith in choosing her uh I mean listen true story I proposed to Melissa on Easter Sunday can't get no save the match with the message I talked about God as the ring and the Covenant amen the same way he married the church I want to marry that's what I did on E on Easter Sunday cause I love her love her but not absolute like let's just saying it's the it's the foundation it's the core programming it's the DNA of who we are and I think that it's important to like Lexie was saying you marry somebody who feels that way right I think there's certain uh to a help a happy healthy marriage I think there's certain uh core things that you really can't you know not agree with right have a healthier marriage right I think and faith is one for us if Melissa did not believe or if I did not believe I don't I agree with Lexie I don't think our relationship would work because of how important it was to our life now some people may not grow up like the way we grew up so it might not be important to them but for us it's like if you didn't grow up how I get you probably won't even really get me to my core and we won't have the same uh ideology about life so I think it was a core tenant to our marriage let me ask you this because you talked about you didn't experience The Seven Year Itch around seven years it's closer to ten uh when you look at that trajectory was it after you started making more money like did y'all have more happiness when y'all were struggling versus when y'all are doing extremely well uh no I don't I don't think we had it um accurately timed like that I think you know the thing about marriage that's beautiful is there in 20 years you're going to be up and down right so even though we make good money even every year of making good money isn't a good money year right right so luckily for us I think the best thing that happened to us is we both came with nothing and we had a great time with nothing so if we went back to nothing our relationship wasn't built on that foundation so when we had no money Melissa used to get these coupon books at her job it was like two dollar Mariners games we would go to two dollars mayor this game we would go to the park we'd go to Portland because at Portland they didn't have no sales tax and we still didn't have no money but we'd be like dang we have money we could get this with no sales tax we drove down there to still not have money to buy the stuff so so I think for us I we're just able to do more things now but it's not the foundation of our our relationship and I don't think it was any of the problems that we had were related to finance I will say uh sometimes honestly actually it does create some problems and I'll tell you one I'll tell you one um we can't argue about no money when we don't have none because there's nothing to argue about right right one thing we found is as we started making more money we see money very differently and that became a problem for me I grew up my family and have nothing and we still came to Vegas we was out here we was at Circus Circus but we was here we could never stay at the Bellagio no no we was in that manner it was at the Manor we wasn't even the real Circle we was with the animals but we was out here so Melissa is very much like her dad her dad is a saver he's planning for a rainy day and a storm she saw her dad doing the bills one time and and it just locked in her mind I am like if we got it we out here you feel me you see the Gucci shirt I'm I'm out here I could have had a regular shirt I have you know what I'm saying so once we had access to that that's when we realized oh if we have X amount of money Melissa wants to save it and I'm like we might not have that next year let's go go to Vegas let's go to Dubai or whatever so I realized one we got into a serious argument one time about a hypothetical situation years before it was necessary and [Applause] and I'll give it to you real quick we was talking about our son getting his first car two years ago maybe a year and a half two years ago that boy don't even know how to drive yet right and Melissa was like we need to get him a a Hootie a beat-up car because my dad always gave us beat up cars kids don't need nothing right and I see a lot of people agreeing like Marvin Sapp said yep that's how I feel right now when I was a kid I remember kids whose parents got them a nice car I'm not talking about like a Maserati or something like that but like strong Toyota that you know what I'm saying Camry Corolla you know but newer right so in my mind this was never a conversation we had get him a nice Toyota that Year Melissa is like my daddy got me a car that was the same age I was when I was born and I'm like these are the same age I was when I was born that's true they're not a car that was born the same it was their twin she had 83 This is out of 85 and 87. from my parents so we really we never have that so we talking casually about it with our friends and she like he could get a hoochie I'm like he gonna get a new car and then I really we looking at each other and now we fuss and I'm like oh we oh we don't really agree on this right so we went in therapy we realized we had never we see this situation differently and it's not about whether he gets a hooptie or a Camry it's about whatever he gets we decide what it's going to be but not that we just take in what I'm like camera you're nothing this is my son I'm Kevin on stage and she's like I don't care who you are I can't say I know you asked Kevin that's what I feel like she would have said I didn't we didn't have the argument but I feel like so she was just you know so I think it's things like that you know like this year I would be completely transparent we had an accountant God bless his heart amen he he didn't do math the way he should have so we got hit with a tax bill that I was like oh my God my wig fell off and I'm Bob so I'm immediately all right I gotta go to work I gotta get this gotta blah blah blah blah so when we get it back up once we get back I'm like and now we finna do this and Melissa's like boy are you did you remember just what happened we need to save just in case the tax man come I said girl we paid the taxman he can't come like a thief and now he can't hit us twice at the same year we paid up with the tax man Betty let's go back outside she like what if he come again he ain't coming again so uh so we have to have those conversations because if you don't you'll get into an argument and I feel like man she holding me back I'm trying to be out here and she's like he's not watching the money that's the conversation you can have and we were broke it's just enough to feed us we can't argue because we can't go nowhere so it don't matter what we wanted to do the lights are still on that's the victory for today so oh God that's hilarious I'm gonna ask y'all and I can talk to y'all all day quickly I want to talk about uh what y'all have coming up didn't they just do an amazing job when I say I absolutely enjoy talking to y'all um Alexis what do you have coming up well look just go to mahogany.com and get all your cards gifts and more it's that simple mahogany.com we love you we got everything you need mahogany.com there it is Lexi geek Cosmetics I own a Cosmetic Company I need y'all to go to geek Cosmetics that's g-e-a-t cosmetics.com and uh it's doing very well I'm good I'm very happy how long have you had that uh um it'll be three years in November okay all right cool proud of you Queen Marvin I ain't got nothing going on right now for real though I I know I mean like yeah a whole lot last time I seen a movie out you was doing oh that's that okay yeah uh uh last year uh devil Would Have Made It the movie came out yeah if you haven't seen it it's on TV one yeah uh you go on demand um I have a brand new but last year I have a brand new CD out uh Marvin Sapp uh what is that CD called Jesus I got 15. I'm trying to remember the name of the CD um uh but it's a series it's a white cover just look for the white what it's called substance there it is substance my new CD I was calling substance and uh just just go to marvel.com you can check out everything hold on hold on Lex did you hear that Flex he said I got 15. I got 15 albums I mean it's just I mean you I mean oh God why would you put me on the spotlight no you couldn't remember the title maybe you can remember the words [Applause] honestly right now I'm on the spot so I don't remember the songs I really know I must I must that was another album come on Marvin oh they know the words over there [Applause] go ahead um I just produced a film called Flamin Hot uh today oh yeah yeah yeah yeah for those of you that have seen it uh it's on Disney plus and Hulu it's about the creator of Flamin Hot Cheetos uh his name is Richard Montanez and the movie is just taken off I mean I can't even believe how many people have seen the film how inspiring it's been uh what it's been for the Latino community and the faith community I mean it's just a great film so if you get a chance check it out it's on Hulu and Disney plus it's the only movie in the history of Disney to be on both Hulu and Disney Plus at the same time [Applause] amazing salute King faith first thank you so much for having us here tonight this is um I hope it's been a blessing to all of you as it was to me as it has been to me we have a six month old daughter and um I have just been in this journey the last six months of rediscovering who I am now yeah as a mom and uh it's been an Awakening for me but I'm coming out of um you know these last six months with her and going back to work I'm hosting a show on oxygen now called killer relationship and also if you go to my website I'm really passionate in getting back to the work I was doing before which is on my book system said oh there's a free chapter on my website if you go check out faithjenkins.com you can sign up to get a free chapter of the book and it's one of my favorite chapters because it's about how to deal with rejection yeah and uh going through rejection and dating and relationships and even from work and jobs and uh how I bounce back from that and how it made me stronger and I'm now I'm going to get into some coaching based on my book and I'm really looking forward to doing that so that's all through my website now so I hope to see you all virtually in the near future as I host some of these classes based on my book good good I'm gonna go back Kenny thank you um I have a problem I see a CD Wow I have an album yeah or here to stay and uh we celebrated a number one just a couple months back yeah yeah [Applause] yeah really excited about that and we we're gonna try to do it again no what was that number one song it was called take a dose there it is and um this the the next single is called Never new and it's about to come out in about two weeks real excited about that um I'm so happy to be Skyler's Dad and to raise this baby with you you know it's it's amazing like it's a different Journey every day is something different that we learn it's like we become God and we get to see these little beings make mistakes yes take their first steps where you have to hold them up a lot of the very things that we go through in our walk with Christ is what I see with this child you know and um so I'm excited about life I feel like I have a brand new beginning to my life yeah Kenny so that new single can we hear a little bit can you sing about a little little something something I never knew love could be real until I saw you I never knew how love would feel until I touched you I never knew what love could do the way you changed my life now it's better than even I I realized I never knew oh [Applause] this became karaoke yeah so y'all can go to Kenny lattimore.com and I know she's talking about seeing you virtually I hope I can see you face to face like this live with my band and touring and all of that so that's what we're gearing up for for the fall I love you good good good good love it uh I'm gonna make this announcement here nobody's ever heard this we have a new podcast called dear current wifey he's coming now we're gonna be introducing couples relationship we going to shoot it in Dallas uh I want you to be our first guest I got a new album coming out called um our kids our teens I sing a little bit for you if you want we got kids that are teens thank you DJ malski that's the only song and that's uh it's a tick tock album only uh but no we have a podcast called marriage be hard that uh comes out on Melissa's YouTube channel hello Kevin I just got a notification um that I have to renew my membership for y'all's app oh yeah I got that today I said it's ironic you you on the podcast and they said you want to uh renew your membership so I'm gonna need you to do that too laughs yeah so I'm so proud of you man what I love about uh Kevin stage oh thank you thank you thank you thank you what I love about him is that while he was waiting for a seat at the table he decided to just build his own own studio and so a lot of times we're waiting and we're faith in asking God to open up doors when God gave us a hammer he gave us some Nails he gave us a wood we can go build our own door and so I've watched you over the years uh all the way back from Playmakers and I watched you actually strategize and build and dominate this social media game and uh you're just doing an exceptional Job King and I salute you thank you thank you very much thank you God bless you yeah [Applause] Melissa um I have a new show on the Kev on stage Studios app called the honeydew list it's a modern take on the Newlywed Game it's a lot of fun definitely take it out obviously we have a podcast called marriage be hard where we interview a ton of couples a couple y'all I do one on the podcast specifically y'all right here uh so yeah I'm gonna hit y'all up uh really really great conversations Tammy Franklin's in the building one of her our favorite one of my favorite episodes the Warrens are in the building one of my favorite episodes so definitely make sure to check it out and um I host a podcast with my sister called Gin and Juice you should check out as well and I and I watched y'all show love on stage uh you know I was a fan of that but I love about y'all's y'alls was extremely real and authentic and I knew people that was on y'all show but a lot of times on these dating shows they'll sensationalize it they'll put you in conflict and situations to get you to act out of character because they're producing good TV uh shout out to my homie Tammy Franklin and Kirk they actually have a show called the one uh so congratulations on them Tammy where you at tell me over there somewhere I can't see you where you at Tammy oh there she go stand up there Tammy there it is how you doing I'm so proud of you and to show the one I love to see you actually be in the Forefront and do what you do you've been friends for years and I'm just so proud of you um listen we're gonna open it up for y'all to have questions uh let's get a microphone down here uh you ain't you ain't ask me what I was doing I'm glad you asked doctor what you got coming got a new tour and a new touring party called Club hope coming for everybody who's a Believer but still wants to come out and have some fun like we did earlier today got a new book called remakes your life that's coming out soon just got off tour with a fantastic artist an artist that's that's the voice uh for this generation uh named Jonathan McReynolds he's sitting right here yeah and uh a lot of good stuff um I'm gonna put him on blast and he's gonna be angry at me for this but he has something to say I have nothing to say [Laughter] incredible panel incredible people wow I love it oh Jonathan crazy I've been trying to get I've been trying to get Jonathan on the podcast for a while so we're not gonna happen he'll be so dope he just a lot of people always DM me and be like Jonathan and he and I discussed that but you just ain't ready yet yep so that's what I got going thanks for asking appreciate it yeah I was very concerned about what you had thank you but I'm proud of you so one thing that and I love how things come around full circle as we discussed earlier DJ mosky um was a DJ and I met him for the first time at Faith and Kenny's wedding and I was like this dude is good like he just he has a such an anointing and a command over the audience and I was like man this is really really dope and so when I was talking to to the stellars team we talked about having an after party which we're going to transition into and um I brought up his name and they said we were about to use them for a party anyway and we were going to do this and he said we're on the same alignment and then they called him and I thank you for for showing up hey how you doing that's the Stellar team right here right over there yes I'll give it up you can take a stand can y'all stand up please Michelle can y'all yeah yeah stand up listen give it up for them this would not have been possible if it wasn't for them I appreciate y'all so much listen I'm I'm humbled by uh everything that y'all done by curating this opportunity to be at this prestigious event um do we have microphones in the audience we're going to take a couple of questions we're going to do about uh a 10 15 minute q a and then we're gonna turn up and have fun any questions oh right here stand up where's the oh there she goes I feel like we on a game show yeah we're good um my name is Brittany I'm from Virginia and I've followed the podcast for a while so thank you so much for it um as Lexi and Bishop Sapp I'm of the bereaved committee and the sister over there so 70 years since my husband passed and I am interested in getting back out into the dating world have two children I've been blessed to parent since his passing and um I realized I didn't I guess I had such an amazing marriage and we've had such a we had such amazing journey that it's hard for me to accept that I could find better and and almost like I have so many single friends alongside me I'm like maybe they should go first because I've already had it yeah and and it's hard for me to accept that I should have love again so um any advice on how to I guess make that step um wow I can remember very clearly when my wife was going through the final stages of preparing to transition from this life to life eternal and um I remember us I remember sitting by our bedside at my home and uh Lexi you heard this story before and my wife said to me she said Marvin I want you to give me a gift and I said anything because I knew it was getting close she was you know the process when you know they sleep they stay up and the whole process she said I want you to give me a gift and I said well what anything whatever you want she said promise me that you will live um promise me that you will live and I said wow this woman is close to taking her last breath and the thing that she wants for me the most is to live so many times because we are individuals who have had good marriages we feel like you feel but the greatest gift that you can give your late spouse is to live because he wouldn't want you to stop just because he's no longer here um you may never I live with a therapist you know I tell people I was in counseling for 18 years that's how long I was married to my wife um you may never find that and you won't find it but what you have to learn how to do is is you have to learn how to understand that what you had during that season of your life is not what you need in the next season when I had from 23 to 43 ain't what I needed 56. and when you understand that it'll make it easier for you to make that transition don't compare there's absolutely positively no comparison it's not out there and but there is something that's great I always say this I say sometimes God has made me a promise he made me some promises and he's going to bring in the past and remember this in my closing you can't be anything to anyone until you're everything to yourself yeah so be that first and then everything else should go for it that's good that's good next question I'm single and I definitely want to put the microphone close to me I please yes I'm single and I would love to have like what you have do you have any recommendations on how I should date I get a lot of options but what do you think as a married woman how I should be dating um this is an excellent question and one of the things that I um stand really firm in is what I know I know and what I don't I don't and I've been married since I was 21 20 21 years old I started dating Kevin at 16. I know absolutely nothing about Merit dating and I mean just nothing okay just I don't want to give you the fake like what you need to do is and fight girl I don't know I really don't my my my honest advice would be number one I know I'm I'm useless girl I'm so sorry just useless but I really I have not been in these covet dating streets yeah I just haven't and so I really I don't know but I will say this therapy therapy work through your own personal traumas understand the personality types that make you tick understand the personality types that don't make you tick the ones that you jive with the ones that you don't drive with um understand what uh you're looking for in a partner understand what your the true non-negotiables are not the like height differences but like their core values of a person um understand what all of those are so you don't waste your time with people you know you you just know it's not gonna work and listen to your intuition at the end of the night when you land in your bed and the Holy Ghost is telling you this ain't the one but you still holding on listen to that that would be my single best pieces of advice from a person that's been married for a long time and ain't got no advice to give faith as a former professional dater I can answer this question um I to Echo a point that you made that I learned the hard way when I learned what I liked and what I didn't like I didn't throw all of that out of the window when somebody Q came along so when I met somebody who I thought was really attractive but there were certain things that I knew based on my dating experience that these things would not work for me and these things would work for me so knowing that having that knowledge having that experience I took that with me on my path and so I was able to recognize very early on before I ever even went out with somebody Bishop you said something when so I was off in LA and I had a friend who wanted to introduce me to a certain actor this is before I met my husband and at this point I already knew things that would work for me publicly as well as privately so you know we all have these digital digital Footprints now yeah that in thumb prints that we make because of what we choose to share online I just looked and perused his social media and I'm sure this is a person who a lot of people would have been interested in going out with a lot of people would have been interested in dating I chose no not to even have that first date because I just knew this is not the type of personality that I think would jail and fit with me based on what I know about myself when you know yourself better than anybody else when you know yourself when you know who you are what you like what you don't what your boundaries are and all of those things and you stay true to that when you're out and you meet people you will be it will be much easier for you to make better decisions early on about who is a good fit for you and if you are a good fit for them right good good next question stand up stand up okay so my name is Bree um all right um so I have an observation I'll just anybody could give me some clarity on it or what you think the situation is so um being young and getting to know Christ coming straight in a college Ministry it was like the men or young men at that time they were very I love the Lord and I am out here looking for someone right um I was very shy stayed to the back didn't date now I'm 40 years old saved and serious and just recently said okay you need to be intentional about your personal life you need to really put yourself out there it's more than work in church right but then I come to events like this shout out went to Jamaica yeah um and I know that you have a great following of even men however the ratio doesn't reflect it I am what I would typically be at home I'm out here right I went to Jamaica right why we don't see now worldly men they gonna go to the club they're gonna go to the bar they out there and they are hollering but Christian men where so what is your perspective as to why they don't seem to show up you know I'm still trying to figure I'm still trying to figure that out to be honest with you I don't know the answer to that and that's what I want to do I'm gonna do an intentional Adam where are you tour I want to go find the atoms I want to go find why they don't show up why in singles Ministry it's still uh 90 uh women I want to find out why when you have an event when I did a a self-love soiree for Valentine's and I was like we're gonna be suited and booted and we want to have this beautiful curated event a lot of men ain't gonna go to that and so I'm still trying to figure out where to go find these guys and create something um and I'm planning on doing this trip where it's going to be straight focused on men and then the women can come as a as a byproduct of the Terrace John has the answer Jonathan McReynolds come on he has an answer every time I make a face a lot of stuff I think a lot of stuff yeah you think use wisdom but say what you I am going to use wisdom Lord yes pray stretch your hands towards them he gotta answer them I can answer I can I can give an answer to that I can't answer for all guys or whatever but here's the thing he's buffering it's okay it's coming filtering one thing that women have to understand about men particularly the type of men that you guys probably would want is that relationships are not the number one thing on our mind it's not the number one Pursuit it's not the thing that keeps us awake at night that's not the thing that we want to grab a whole bunch of books about it's not the thing that we want to unify to talk about especially with y'all [Laughter] the truth of the matter is in general when it comes to any kind of content that is about strictly relationships women are the ones that prioritize that higher if you want to grab us just say it's about basketball say it's about Finance say it's about how to get ahead and this and that have a really some really dope Barbers there to give us the best haircuts of our life but at the end of the day I think and I I don't want to say too much and this is why I never got on my brother the Terrace's panel it's because there's some huge misunderstanding some huge gaps um between I believe how women see things and how men see things and one of the main sins you go you don't commit if you're a woman is thinking that we're thinking about the stuff that you're thinking about as much as you're thinking about it you have created you've analyzed you've figured out you're getting more education about it you're talking amongst it in your group chat everything we do that but about like real estate we do that but about like LeBron and the fact that he's not as good as Michael Jordan see you see how he just woke up [Applause] see I'm just saying but what I'm saying is like ultimately and then because that would inform you and realize that most of the stuff that we even do in relationship is more reactive it's less thought out y'all have plotted out moves we're making a beeline to this to the one thing that we want that depends on how God little man is that's all I'm saying is that we aren't there because the places that we are and the places that we really want to fit a woman it's not we don't live in a world that's centered yet around relationship with a woman fair enough I just want to Echo what John said I I want to make it even more clear he was being very nice uh crystallize it men are not socialized thank you to want to desire relationships men are taught to protect and provide and a lot of times I think men don't feel like if their life isn't to a certain point they can even go out to women so if they're not making enough money or have their own house or whatever and as costs rise that's getting harder and harder to obtain and men see other men get eviscerated on social media for not having enough bread 200 dates and they like I ain't even really ready to join this conversation nor am I socialized nor is it top of mind um a lot of times women are socialized if you ain't married that's why you're single you ain't got no kids you're gonna have cats the same age man as you is not getting that same pressure a 43 a 40 year old man is not getting the pressure to get married that you are getting so he's not feeling like I got I might need to get a job internal pressure isn't to find a wife and start a family is to get your money up do that type of stuff so that's why no matter how good the Terrace is he gonna be he's gonna be pulling teeth when we do the dating shows we get the casting thousands of women you have to recruit the men personally because you can't they they're not just saying I need to be married for my life to feel whole you know what I'm saying they're just not so I didn't mean I don't want to make that harsh for you but that's where it is a man will see this flyer and be like that ain't for me I'm gonna go to the next thing because he don't feel bad if he don't have a wife at the same time as you do that's real and that's real we ought to think about how we were raised I'll give it up for the Kevin but we got to think about how we were raised like the First toys that you know little girls get are toys that are you know when I was growing up they'll get the little Easy Bake Oven they'll get the Barbie and Ken teach them how to do life and teach them about love and stuff and then we get stuff like a fire truck we we get stuff that's about careers and so we as a very young age we're cultivated to think about career and money and and young girls are taught about family and building the familial structure uh next question will take you two more questions we're gonna wrap it up brother yes I love when I get a brother yeah I'm gonna disagree with the notion that men don't think about relationships and love and everything um it just depends on where you're at with your walk because um like after I gave my life to God like I found myself like I I focused on love because I felt like the greatest thing for me was a wife I'm not married I'm single but the greatest gift to me from God is a wife so I bought I bought this brother's books I bought the four Love Languages um but I just studied it huh [Music] I got all these women in here what you talking about we don't think about love I think about love right here you took advantage of that boy one ratio look look I love God Amen great move be like I'm true but great I'll be true for you for all men but that was solid work I see you be like I wanna go to Jamaica I want to go to Jamaica it's an excellent choice perfect he pushed play on the plan and we love it for you bro we love it I like his music but I don't agree with that curiosity how old are you I'm 38. okay I'm mentored a lot of the guys that brie is talking about you would bath have some pool at my house now when a man is 20 all of this stuff that that Jonathan said straight straight truth we're not thinking about that we're social everything that that kept saying we are socialized completely different it is at another time that we become a tour and it's beyond just uh you know what we want there are lots of pressures just like you you have the pressure of hearing things that are like that are inappropriate like why aren't you married yeah when you're going to have children all those kind of things and you're like well I don't even know if I want to have kids I don't even know how you haven't figured it out we have the pressure like they said of what do you do not who who are you so like when I when I'm mentoring a lot of the guys now I I have this thing where you know people say who are you I I try to come up with other adjectives oh I'm a father that's the reason I'm a father I'm a husband you know I'm an Entertainer yes I am but and I'm a lover of Christ as opposed to I'm a singer and a Grammy nominee you know we try to build ourselves up because we're constantly trying to be what we think that you want and isn't it crazy that you you kind of do that too but women do it differently you morph into who you think we want you to be yeah which is a really tough kind of situation so there's a couple things I'm thinking about I made a list before I got married to Faith and I had to figure out who I was first I made a list a lot of times we can make that list this is what I want I want this I want this who am I what are my core values I had to put that together because what I realized too is if I met the right woman I couldn't really tell her who I was I couldn't tell her who I was and what I was really about I'm about family I'm about truth I'm about honesty I'm about respect I'm about kindness what is my vision for myself just like in Rebecca it says write the vision and make it plain yeah so the other folk can run with it not just you I wrote it so that if my wife wanted to know who is this man that I'm really trying to connect myself with that I would have my own vision of who I was a lot of that stuff came later on in life that wasn't something I thought about at 25 30 35 40 even that's why I asked that question because I love the fact that you're able to articulate who you are at this time in your life but most men are not because of how we are socialized and maybe we're just a little different I mean women y'all y'all are smarter in a whole lot from an emotional standpoint you're far more in emotionally intelligent than we are at those ages and we've got a really understand those Dynamics about how the Lord made us because there's something about that Dynamic that actually works yeah or it wouldn't be the case but we don't treasure our differences yeah we're constantly thinking you got to think like me you got to be like me you got to be I accomplish this is you got to come we're never going to come to a place of partnership if we are walking in that type of Direction so it really has so much more to do with individuals it is a tough one out there I know it's got to be tough day and I'm glad I'm not in the Dayton streets too yeah but it is a it is all of these things all these you might think that they're on different sides or every single thing that everybody's saying up here has a significant point because the Lord has made us so individual he's made us so individual so different from one another but we have to respect and honor the fact that you're different you're you're the way you came up was different I loved when you said that the way that he came up was completely different so it skewed their perspective when they're really moving in the same direction they want the same thing yeah but in order to get to the compromise and figure out all that it takes some maturity that's good that's good question my name is Dawn and Bree triggered um something I'm from Los Angeles County and not only where are the men but when they are present they don't say hi they don't speak to you and they just watch you walk by [Laughter] and the ones that speak are the ones that have um I'll work or something for you know those kind and we'll say hi baby but the other ones will not speak and it's prevalent in Los Angeles County and I consider myself to be an attractive woman it's poor parenting and it's just like and I'm just gonna say this I'm gonna say this and I'm not trying to you know hurt anybody's feelings but this was an example I was up there and I don't know anyone but who said hi but it's just like we're invisible in a sense black women we're like invisible and can we be acknowledged by our black men but you saw some of this is about mentoring as well if you ask the average black man what he got if he complimented a black woman you may be an exception and a wonderful woman but when they go out and they compliment we're in a society that lives in we're in fear constantly with the metoo the all kind of different things are going and I'm not saying that those things are not true they are absolutely true but because they exist and we're in a flawed Society we're in a situation where people are afraid men are just as afraid you know as much as we come in and we have our bravado and all that would you say dear you make sure and keep doing that you want to be able to keep doing that that's wise that's wisdom but I just want us to acknowledge the fact that people are afraid it is on the news every day there's there's stories there's different things that keep it in social media they keep telling us that we need to be afraid we've got to break that cycle I love the fact that you are you you're a wise woman though keep smiling too girl I saw you up there I'm I saw you up there walking around I saw you up there thirsty I mean went to the bar I saw you but here here's another thing here's another thing here's here's what I was it's just my opinion I'm just gonna give my opinion keep being beautiful but don't look from that validation from no nobody outside of you and God that validation got to come from you because you can walk in a sea of guys you don't want no attention from nobody that you ain't supposed to be with anyway you feel me you got dressed and you pulled up and you did it uh I ain't bringing a mic over there uh uh I said it already but but no I think it's great that you did it but just keep in mind that you are beautiful you do look amazing and I'm gonna give you a compliment now I'ma tell you and Men notice it you know but that's kind of where we at the Terrace you laughing cause I'm gonna put a song on I'm gonna have an Alexa over here she said you'll give a compliment but would you give her a kiss amen last last question is this my last question right here hi um thank you guy for letting me make it here safely I'm new to your podcast and um it reminds me so much of testimony service and I've never I haven't seen this anywhere and my question is specifically to you the Terrace would you consider adding to your podcast moving forward an invitation to Jesus Christ because you have so much influence and everybody that watches you isn't saved and they might just need to hear it from you to say if you're not saved if you don't know Jesus I implore you to call out to him and ask him to save you they might just need to hear it from you thank you and thank you for everybody who's a servant of Christ amen amen I have people come on my podcast that share their testimony the Bible says that people overcome by the word of a testimony and by the blood of the Lamb so it's a very testimonial type of podcast um but in that I like to win people to Salvation by the life that we live instead of just heavy-handed just saying hey you give your life to Christ I get a lot of people who DM me and I'll walk them through salvation all the time it's an episode with um um Tavia and Jewel and in that episode they were going through a challenging time in their relationship they were approaching 25 years of marriage and they were calling it quits and these were these were my personal friends and so the podcast sponsored their therapy uh the husband wasn't a Christian I knew he wasn't a Christian but I can't tell him give your life to Christ while he's his whole marriage is falling apart he don't even want to be married and so I allow professionals to work with them on his mental stability and then salvation came and followed and then you heard him on the podcast I came back and did part two and he said I didn't even know how to love my wife until I learned how to fall in love with Christ and so it's through that example and so God has been curating this the Bible says he that wins Souls is wise and so the way that I bring Salvation to the hearts of people across the world is I leave the pastors the Bishops the the churches to do what they do and then I fully own and submit to the work that God has given me which is bringing people to Salvation through the the story of love and you always hear me say that I've never been I'm very Unapologetic about my faith it's moments that I had where I have my boy Mike Bethany on there a couple of episodes ago that we just straight went into worship I mean we'll go into worship on my podcast uh you'll hear me speaking in tongues on my podcast unapologetically because that's who I am and so I live the life that I that I talk about and so people see the transparency they see the authenticity and and then that's what make them go how did you how did you become this dude you always talk about your faults I've had a lot of Christians that tell me you talk about you cheating on your wife in the past too much I was like that's my journey this podcast wouldn't even exist had I not went through the broken stage of breaking this woman in order for me to learn and live the life that I Live Now and so the Bible says that I boast in my weakness Paul says I boasted my weakness and so that's the life that I live I start sharing those things where I say I'm not perfect but I'm showing you a perfect God even though I'm a walking failure and I'm learning to grow and heal in front of the world so that's the dear future wife podcast so listen did y'all enjoy this did y'all really enjoy this again I give it up let's give it up to our sponsors DJ moski take it over from here I hope you enjoyed this episode of the dear future wife podcast remember be lit live intentionally and transparently and don't stop loving make sure to subscribe to our dear future wifey YouTube channel we're available on Apple podcast Google podcast Spotify and Stitcher we welcome your support simply share our podcast with your friends and family

Channel: Dear Future Wifey

Views: 188,437

Keywords: dallas, love, podcast, relationships, black love matters, black men, Christianity, healing, weddings, marriage, Love languages, Trust, Commitment, Building a strong marriage, Marriage counseling, Strengthening your relationship, Partnership, Marriage goals, Emotional connection, Marriage enrichment, Building a healthy marriage, Marriage support, Marriage resources, Marriage growth, Marriage education, Marriage guidance, Marriage mentorship, Marriage community, Dear Future Wifey

Id: P3rZw5MjtGw

Length: 121min 21sec (7281 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 25 2023