Radical City - Chat with Dr. Anita Phillips

[Music] this is [Music] Minister trauma therapist and life coach Dr Anita Phillips is an expert at unraveling The Human Experience known for her Paradigm shifting insights at the intersection of mental health spirituality and culture her work is Guided by one simple idea most things that seem complicated are actually just hard from overthrowing anxiety to reimagining the path to equity Dr Anita helps people groups and organizations accomplish hard things this wife mother daughter and nationally acclaimed mental health expert has been recognized as the leader for her groundbreaking work at the intersection of mental health faith and culture Dr Anita is a dynamic sought after speaker who has appeared on multiple news and television Outlets she is the host of the fast growing podcast in the light with Dr Anita and an advice columnist at Oprah daily she holds degrees from the University of Maryland and Regent University and completed a post-doctoral fellowship at the John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health to one she is wife to some she is mother and daughter but to us she is our flow because she is the first lady of anything she desires to be radical City please give a warm radical welcome to Dr Anita Phillips warm spirit in the room thank you for the pastor Buster and first lady and Pastor Keisha got all of the people that gather here to be blessed I ask that you would meet the need that they brought into the room the real one the deeper one the one that maybe they haven't even put into words themselves God let us leave here today with clarity about what we need and the more clarity about you as the one who meets in Jesus name amen amen so I was sitting in my hotel yesterday and I was turning my heart and attention towards today and I just had this image drop in front of me and I was sitting up here with my sister so I sent her a text message I said I think we've got a conversation for us to have tomorrow y'all get good preaching and you I know you do I know you do I know you do and I'm blessed to travel all over the country being able to preach and teach and share but this is a special place so I was excited that God wanted us to just sit down and have a chance to really talk in a way I don't get to do so I hope it's a blessing to you tell me about this crossover thing what's what is this crossover that's happening catch me up well first let me just let me just say I'm a little nervous oh my goodness no seriously because it was a setting just like this with thousands of people where you had a conversation um with first lady Serita Jakes indeed and so when I got that text I went into panic mode standing at the checkout counter and had to let other people go ahead of me because I'm like what does that look like and what was the follow-up text I know this isn't what you planned and you're a planner right but here I am and it's going to be okay exactly so uh crossover season yeah so uh I want to say it was well this is Jordan's number right 2023 is well 23 is Jordan's number and this is the year of 2023 so I want to say it was maybe March uh Pastor B had already started getting Michael Jordan yeah child I'm like it's the Hebrew word for Jordan add up to 23 23 and Jordan I'm like okay yeah Michael Jordan so Michael Jordan right all right so Michael Jordan's number is 23. right and so uh I want to say it was it was me I don't think it was summer yet but for arguments say let's say early summer he said that um the Lord had told him what 23 was going to look like for us um and one of the words that he gave was that we would be all over the place as a city um and for somebody to get their passport so everybody ran out and got their passports um we had took the city on a cruise um so we had the church go to a cruise and I want to say since he gave that word um we have been all over as a church like going to visit different cities going to different states individually and collectively but the second part of that word was that this would be the year that we cross over to different dimensions and so we are seeing it a across the city where people are opening up businesses people are getting married um people are getting out of debt we had um a declaration uh have we've been saying that since we opened and um a hundred thousand plus dollars of student loan debt has been released over the house and so um all of that just getting their money right yeah um we have people that have purchased apartment buildings that's in the city just different things have happened um new cars new homes but divorces too you know it's not just you know the good stuff that's happening people have had some bad things happen um but that's still a different dimension um and so that is the word over the house and so as all the good things come we understand that the bad things are coming too and um our prayer as pastors is that they don't get overtaken by Their Blessings because so many blessings are coming and they're coming one after the other um but then at the same time our concern as pastors is there are some people that haven't uh stepped foot in the Jordan yet and um they're still with the mindset that it can't happen to them so it's hard you know as pastors to declare it for the whole house and then watch some of the light go out when they see other people crossing and but it's still June and like you said it's still early June right and so yeah I believe it yeah yeah amen so now I caught you up no thank you I appreciate it because I was Jordan you know I was in the river I was in the river in the river you know change is hard and I don't know we because we serve a God that will force things to work together for our good I don't think that we have bad things happen but we do have painful things happen and pain is not always bad we don't prefer it but painful things happen and again that brings us back to what emotional place are we in as worship was going on one of Jesus's experiences in Scripture that you guys know is very special to me and if you were at Kingdom Life have heard me teach about which is Jesus in his Wilderness moment and that fell on my heart Jesus in his Wilderness moments of you want to get a scripture today if we're gonna have a verse today on today Matthew chapter four is where that story is and it huh um I know they'll stand up I know they'll stand let me see we'll see let me see this passage never gets old to me because I'm always reminding myself of what the most basic issues are and so when I started out doing the work that I do we were just also starting a pastor I'm getting on I'm having a nerve to get a little bit old now but I'm trying to catch up with elder Tracy back there we're trying to kiss you with the out there but when we first stepped into pastor and we were just 30 years old just like 31 years old so addition would make me about to be 50 years old but some things have remained true is that there will be a place on the journey where we are in our weakest moment but it is an opportunity to know that we can hold on to God and so in the wilderness Jesus has this temptation now I was a student when I a graduate student when I really started digging into this because for me when it came to emotional mental health I knew that there had to be answers in the Bible that I wasn't learning in the classroom and the work in the classroom matters and the work I do in the world matters but I wanted to know what Jesus had to say and so Jesus is in the wilderness and I'm not going to read it all but Matthew chapter four I want you to read the story of Jesus in the wilderness he's out there he fasts for 40 days that's a lot of sacrifice and you all may not be fasting for 40 days I've never fasted for 40 days not like this I ain't talking about a little Daniel Fast like oh you know what I mean like you're fasting like a vegetarian people live like that you know what I mean so it's like yeah you did something but 40 days like no food at all Jesus had a human body and so we know what would have been his condition coming out of the Wilderness his body was weak and when our bodies are weak we are emotionally thin you know how you get when you haven't had sleep you know how you get when you haven't had food you know how some sisters we get certain time of the month like when your body is not right it affects how you are doing emotionally so he's out of here 40 days no food at all and you think you coming out of that like it's time for some stuff to pop off like I'm coming I just passed it 40 days in the wilderness outside in the desert where it's super hot in the daytime super cold at night the Bible says there was wild animals out there I mean this was not a comfortable situation so you go through all of that you come out at the 40-day Mark you're like yes something is getting ready to break through and it did not Jesus did not burst out of the Wilderness into a healing afternoon he didn't burst out of the Wilderness and feed 5 000 people he didn't burst out and raised someone from the dead he burst out and was standing face to face with the devil that is what happened that's where it happened and so we can get set we can set ourselves up in the story that we're writing about how it's going to be when we make it over this crossover and how I'll know I'm there because I'll have done what I'm supposed to do and when I do what I'm supposed to do then God's gonna do what he's supposed to do and we have a whole story written and we are not even the author our name is not on the contract the byline the publisher this is not your blog your website this is not even your IG page it's not your Tick Tock it's not your Twitter it's nothing but we try to write the story so Jesus comes out of the Wilderness and the devil is standing there and now after all of that he has to fight is anybody with me so so I I think what's so critical for me always in my in keeping a balance of a certain Equanimity in my emotional space and that's not about control or repression but I go back to the life of Jesus and Jesus comes out and the first thing the devil does is try to get him to turn stones into bread he tempts them in three areas has anybody heard this story before so he tempted in three areas the first thing he tries to do is get him to turn stones into bread so that Temptation we know what it is is physical pain he was physically hungry and he's like well eat now y'all who know me know what I always say he would not have been able to tempt me with that because I did it myself I would have been I'd have food all over my face when when the devil was like you shut up like what I got I didn't turn the stone into Cinnabons and and breakfast and everything because I'm I'm hungry I'm hungry and I have the capacity to feed myself Jesus would not have been sinning I'm like it's not a sin to be hungry why would it have been wrong for him to eat it would not have been wise it would not have been wise the Bible says not everything is wrong but some things are not expedient it's not always a good idea it would not have been a good idea for him to open the door to allow the enemy to make suggestions it would not have been a good idea for him to apply his capacity to this particular problem and see we are always ready to apply our capacity to the problem we don't pray about everything we don't pray about everything we don't who prayed whether who prayed about brushing their teeth this morning who prayed about taking a shower who prayed about cash in a paycheck I say nobody nobody so we don't pray about everything but I feel like in this moment it is something encourage us to pray about everything I want to challenge some of you to go on a pray about everything fast because what that fast will be is that will be your knowledge fast that'll be your I'm going on a capacity fast I'm going on what I think I know fast I'm going on to do it my way fast what if for a month you just decided you really don't know what you're doing at all and you really prayed about stuff you don't usually pray about what am I am I echoing something come on come on go on it go on a my way fast because somewhere in there you may find that God will speak so Jesus was willing to be hungry a little longer because it wasn't a good idea to take the devil's ideas because everything the devil says not always a lie it's the truth that he gets you wet right yeah I talk about fear is false evidence appearance it's not false evidence that evidence is real that's hard forensic evidence Law and Order conviction level evidence it's not false it's real that's the issue but Jesus knew it wasn't a good idea to get into Cahoots with the Enemy and so he was willing to postpone satisfaction a little longer now here's the thing about bread there's a chemical in it called tryptophan it's in bread it's in Turkey it's in pastas all of these are things that when you eat them you get sleepy what if Jesus had gotten sleepy on Temptation one stay whoa there was so much more wisdom there what if he had gotten sleepy he already been in the wilderness for 40 days he was one meal away from being some sleep physically he resisted that not only to not even tempt agreement with the Enemy and to keep God first but to stay alert to what really mattered and when we are in physical pain whether it's our actual bodies or things that we need Food Water Shelter clothes tuition yeah I heard some too I must be some people in school here or some people with some school because after some tuition car payment all those things when we need the things that we need we can be compromised because they seem like such pressure but I want to urge you somebody in here is getting ready to make a decision to purchase a home and God said wait wait but if I don't put in this offer if we don't do this we're going to lose this one wait if you lose that one it's not that it wasn't the one God said wait wait you have it you have the capacity it you can afford it it's not about you have it in your capacity to do God said wait God said wait go ahead he was gonna say something well I'm scared man I mean why will we be my house just went on the market but it's funny that you said that Temptation number one because uh you said that he didn't want to go in pretty much kahoots yeah even though it was seen what he was saying was true absolutely but it was over bread yeah so for those of you I teach you all not to eat with people you don't know right why do I teach you that so you won't be in Covenant with the people that you don't know so had he eaten that bread he would have been in Covenant with the Devil that's all I wanted to say go on a bridge I like that he there were so many dimensions that's good because breaking bread is a thing it definitely is so I tell them that you know and I hope people don't get offended especially if you go here because if you go here and somebody actually go to dinner and your response is let's go have coffee then that means that they're listening because you don't understand what the person has on them and you go to break bread with them think about the Last Supper he dipped the bread they go that bread again and I'm a bread girl but he dipped the bread in the bowl at the same time if someone was using the enemy was using and so it's important that you understand and you recognize that when pastor and I are saying things we're not just saying them because they sound good you be surprised that the moment that you and for the people that want to date I heard somebody say the other night that the singles thing that now I wasn't I wasn't at the singles thing because I was single I was teaching the singles just letting you know you've been gone a couple years I didn't want you to think but I'm still minding my business but but but I heard that I heard I heard a single say they looking for a man that's gonna feed them because of course you want to make sure but if you don't know the person you don't know what you are now getting into Covenant with so I want you all to be careful about that because there's all sorts of stories in the Bible about meals together and so just be mindful of who you're eating with amen amen but Jesus is Victorious overall Judas didn't surprise him Judas didn't surprise him dipping that bread just once Jesus is Victorious overall and um I'm always amazed that Jesus's capacity for love like why did he why how was he able to walk with Jesus for three years I couldn't have did it I wouldn't have been able to do it I'd have been like either trying to get rid of them or had an attitude with them but I know that Jesus only had love because he was only capable of that so I think that Jesus's capacity to love and to trust his father helped him to move through all kinds of environments you know to trust his father help to move through all these spaces it doesn't mean he never had feelings Jesus had a lot of emotions he was a very emotionally intense man Jesus expressed his emotions in public often he cried in front of people got mad in front of people got scared in front of people so Jesus was real honest and open he was authentic but we know he was nothing but love and yeah of Jesus did all of that cried in public he did and it all got sad in public fear in public all of those things why do you think it's in our nature if we're part spirit and part flesh right in part spirit and part flesh he did all of those things why do you think it's us that tried to compose ourselves when we are in public yeah do you think that has anything to do with mental health or do you think I think it has to do with it I think it has to do with the fall right so Jesus was fully human and fully Divine he was 200 yeah no one's ever and no one's ever been 200 he was 100 Divine but 100 human and so in order for Jesus to not only be Our Redeemer who saved us bought us back from sin but to also be our restorer in order to be on the throne of grace now was Hebrews 4 16 says waiting for us to come boldly before the throne of grace when we need something is because he's felt everything that we felt and he went through everything that we went through he didn't have the same circumstances but he had the same emotional experience that's how he knows how you feel right there's only a limited number of emotions like if we don't have a zillion different emotions there's a limited number and we all experience them but Jesus felt all of them Hebrews 4 15 said we have not a high priest who cannot be touched by the feelings of our infirmities he was tempted in every way yet without sin so that means no emotion is a sin it's never wrong to feel you're never failing God by feeling you're not failing your faith it's never wrong to Feel Jesus felt all the emotions and he still had all the faith in God some people try to understand it with our human Minds like were there things that Jesus did know and things that he didn't know and we really don't know we don't know how his father worked that out but I know that Jesus knew that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead but he still cried at his tomb I know that Jesus knew he was going to be raised from the dead but he still cried that day and a lot of times we'll be like well if I know God's gonna work it out why would I be sad now well I don't know but Jesus knew it was going to work out and he still cried about it so we really need to allow ourselves to be 100 committed to God and having faith but also be 100 human but culturally we all have different ways of dealing with emotion and we have to recognize that the number one sin that started all this mess in Genesis chapter 3 was wanting to be able to know things the knowledge of Good and Evil that's what really pushed the woman over the edge it was like I looked at the food it was good for food it didn't look dangerous not going to hurt me she looked at the physical part but then she was like and she saw it was a fruit that would make one wise she wanted to be able to think at the level that God was thinking that was her primary reason for going for it and it must have been out all right with Adam too because he did it too and so now here they are chasing the mind they want the power of the mind so every time we Elevate the Mind above the heart our thoughts above our emotional space we are actually recommitting the original sin we're building entire ways of living based on our mind and recreating the original sin moment when if Eve had stayed with the word that was hidden in her heart instead of trying to make sense of it with her mind she would not have made that decision and I'm careful about calling her Eve because her name wasn't Eve at that moment her name was Adam because Adam named her Eve just y'all read that later but we try to do so much work with the mind that's why I said it's really about the heart and even the mental health feel it is a product primarily of Western culture and Western culture worships the mind pride is the highest value in our culture Pride Pride's the highest value in mainstream Western culture and strength is one of the highest values in ours and so we want to be prideful and mindful and strong but Jesus who thought it not robbery to take the form of a servant the humility of that and so that's why I say that emotional Wellness is really what we're after when we're talking about mental health because my Bible shows me a Jesus that was always pursuing heart so us being able to know how we feel when we feel it what those emotions are saying we need and then to get our needs met in a way that is healthy for us if you will make that commitment you will see your life changing if you know when you feel sad sadness tells us that we need connection we feel sad when we are disconnected from something that matters to us or someone we weren't meant to live this life alone we're meant to be in relationship and connection so when you feel sad if you feel isolated if you feel lonely if you feel rejected there's all these different ways we describe sadness what we usually need is connection but instead of going out and me trying to get my need met in a healthy way I'll stay needy so long that I finally break down and get the need met but maybe not in the best way but it's not wrong to need just like it wasn't wrong for Jesus to be hungry so we really I want the whole body of Christ to become so needy I want us to be aware of what we need so that we can take care of ourselves that's that's the health that we're looking for right some of you have heard me teaching about the garden but this is the revelation God gave me about what we should be defining as what it means to be well he created us to be Gardens our neurons literally look like plants not only do they look like plants but plants use neurotransmitters that we have in our brain plants use those to communicate if you really believe in God in Genesis chapter one he made the plants on day three and he made us on day six so if if there's something similar between plants and US plants aren't like us we're like them If plants are used in neurotransmitters to communicate in the soil and he made those on day three and I'm using them in my brain and he made me on day six then he made the plan to show me how I work before he made me so he already taught you how it works so if my mind my neurons which help my thinking look like plants the fruit is what I do the seed is what I believe then the soil the Bible says is the heart so that means everything that I believe think and do is actually growing from the soil of my heart so my emotional life is watering everything else everything else in the Bible emotions are always running through water when Jesus goes if you read Matthew 13 write that down later read the parable of the sower when Jesus tells us about the different kind of soils of the heart they differentiate based on emotion the Wayside soil has no emotion it's just hard and dry and the seed doesn't get in then there's Stony ground and that Stony ground it says that the seeds were received with joy but then the sun came out it got dry and then it became offended so now it's mad Jesus is describing emotions and then he goes to the thorny ground and he says that the Thorns of anxiety are growing there so there's some fear in that one and then there's good ground which is fertile ground and Things Grow there so my emotional state will impact the seeds that fall on the soil of my heart Jesus has been teaching I mean this has been in the Bible the whole time but we've been mine mine mine there's like three scriptures about the mind let this mind be in with you which was in Christ Jesus um cast down vain imagination every thought that Rise Against the knowledge of God and take thoughts captive I mean there's like three of them and we all mine mine my mind Jesus only uses the word mind one time is it recorded in the Bible once Jesus says mind and that's when he says Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind so even when he said mine he was telling us how to love and it was last that has not given me a spirit of fear but of power and of love and then the sound mind scripture after scripture after scripture if you search in your Bible the words heart and mind in the King James version you will find that heart comes before mind every time because where I am emotionally is where I will be mentally and we are always trying to use our mind to overcome our hearts instead of healing our hearts so that our mind will be well so if you think about what water does in a garden water goes into the ground the seed cannot start growing without water in fact a seed he knows this about a seed seeds are not dead seeds are alive they are just sleeping they are dormant when you put them in the soil there's some chemicals and hormones in the seed where the seed knows if the ground has enough of what it needs to wake up and if the seed knows that it's in a good place for it it will wake up the seed will wake up and Seed itself and the seed will start pulling water from the soil into itself then the seed swells up and breaks open and then the plant that's a thought comes out of the seed and starts growing now the plant can't grow without the water either when a plant has enough water it stands up it's flexible it can bend it can unroll its leaves if the lights over here it turns this way it turns that way but only if there's water in it so now if you think of that plant as your thought without the emotion that's the water the plant dies if a plant is wilting where do you put the water in the where in the soil you don't spray it on the leaf if the plant looks like it needs fertilizer it's not enough nourishment or enough nutrients where do you put it in the soil Jesus said the soil is the heart and so we're trying so hard to get our minds right and change our thinking and we're certain these affirmations and we're repeating these scriptures and nothing's happening and we wonder why then we repeat it more and we wonder why because emotionally not there sometimes emotionally we're just not there and that's not sinful it just means you need care right Proverbs 15 13 says that by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken your heart is so powerful that if it's sad long enough it can break your spirit and that means that the soil was dry the spirit seed couldn't move I want you to take care of yourselves emotionally I want you to be emotional I want you to be emotionally aware I want you to know how you're feeling and notice I haven't said don't let it control you I didn't say that because that would suggest that something is horrible about your emotions your emotions are not a problem we need you to feel now we don't always want to feel everything we want to feel the good stuff but we want we don't want to feel the pain but the problem is we weren't made to break up in pieces so you can't shut off the pain and keep the Joy on if you stop feeling the pain you'll stop feeling the joy too then you're just not really feeling anything and so we have to allow all of it to flow sometimes we are asking for help we're coming to the altar we're doing all these things and what you really need is a good cry some of you just need to sit down and cry just go ahead and have a just go ahead and let it out I hate crying why just go ahead listen it might not even be the last one is the last one today we if for you to cry means that you broke down you finally broke down that's what we said girl I finally broke down then that's saying that when Jesus cried he was breaking down Jesus had a breakdown but we say that about Jesus Jesus was in Gethsemane crying loud in the book of Hebrews Paul writes that he cried which loud with strong crying and tears he cried to the one who could save him from Death that's what Jesus was doing in Gethsemane he wasn't in their old father this crucifixion thing like if it could pass I'd appreciate it but if not it's fine you know do you ever I almost have my legs okay my legs I'm just standing for a sec did do you ever wonder why Jesus didn't just stroll into the Gethsemane like Hey Y'all let's do this crucifixion thing let's get it going whoa crucifixion he did not Jesus was in there hollering he was hollering and crying and his friends his disciples who were sleeping they weren't sleeping because they were abandoning him The Book of Luke says that they were sleeping for sorrow they were so emotionally overwhelmed that they fell asleep so were they depressed I could well I wouldn't say they I think they you could say they were experiencing depressing emotions okay I wouldn't say they had clinical depression okay that's a different we can talk about that okay but they were their bodies were overwhelmed enough that they fell asleep has anybody ever been that sad were you like I just gotta lay down right so stop stop telling the story that his disciples weren't there for him they were sleeping and you can't count on nobody don't stop stop stop I need y'all to release this hater narrative once and for all because you believe it you believe that people are out to get you you believe that everybody's Gonna Let You Down you believe that everybody can't go you ain't got nobody going you so busy everybody can't go to your next level of this this Narrative of our culture right now that everybody's against you it's a lie from the devil and he's using it to get the church to twist the word of God to make it aligned with this cultural narrative that everybody's against you and you on your own and you can't count on nobody and when they leave you that's how you know you're growing and please stop that is protecting you from the rejection that you fear so you write a narrative that protects you from what you fear and then you get a scripture no stay right there if Jesus Judas was with Jesus all the way to Gethsemane at what next level did he leave Judas behind at what place did Jesus have people falling off when did it happen those were 12 disciples he don't end with six he doesn't end with four yes he doesn't I'm not saying that relationships don't change but we have gotten out of hand with our poor capacity to handle relationships we need people we were created for relationships our bodies were made now I'm not just talking sexually and that's the problem yeah it's sex or nothing yeah and that's why we struggle to have friendships but 70 of successful marriage is friendship the research shows that 70 of marriage is friendship but most of us don't know how to be friends most of us don't know how to be friends isn't that true most of us don't know we're not good at being friends and so then our marriage will be like well my partner's my best friend my only friend my everything and they might not even really be here because you're not good at friendship so we need each other when Jesus was in Gethsemane and he was so overwhelmed his body was so overwhelmed with emotion he came looking for help he said I need you he said I'm sorrowful unto death I need company he asked for help he told them what he now Jesus had to experience everything we experienced to the extreme and so Jesus was alone in many ways but that doesn't mean you have to be but he took it to the extreme so we he would have every feeling but look at how Jesus was open about how he felt he never shut down on any of them even in pain even when he found him sleeping he didn't shut down on them he still loved them so I want us to really just challenge ourselves to live from the heart because the less you fear emotional pain the healthier you'll be the healthier you'll be anxiety is a fear of feelings I'm anxious because I don't want this to happen because if that happens I'll feel this I gotta make sure that I don't make a mistake because if I make a mistake then this goes wrong if that goes wrong then I'll feel sad embarrassed scared and so because you're afraid to feel those feelings you're trying to it's not that you're afraid the thing will happen it's pray to you how you'll feel if it happens and I don't enjoy emotional pain but I have learned so so what is your advice because I I see uh many people that are creating pretty much Their Own Prison because they are just keeping people at a distance or the moment you feel like I remember you were teaching us about the line we were in class and you said that you know if if you got chalk if there's a line oh yeah right and then if there's chalk at the tip of your toe that means you've already crossed the line well if someone feels like people are crossing the line they'll back all the way up and just put a barricade around themselves yeah and become institutionalized because if you don't fit their you know this particular Paradigm that they've created in your mind yeah then you're not welcome in their personal space but then they're lonely yeah how do you speak to that person's mind or heart about establishing relationships because these people still want a friendship these people still want a marriage these people still want just to be able to speak to you and say hi in church you know you have I we had people visit right um that visit they don't necessarily go here but they visited they will come they'll get the word and then they would leave and wouldn't speak to anybody now we try to love on everybody but they wouldn't tweet and I'm thinking like well they'll speak to me right and I'm high and they just they'll just keep going um and so how do you speak to that person that for me they crave something yeah but then they won't allow you to give it to them the first thing I would say is that I always assume that people are in pain I assume that everybody's in pain yeah I've had the opportunity to be therapists to many people who we all know movie stars and athletes and musicians and one of the things that I one of the reasons why I think that they feel comfortable in the space with me is because it is my expectation that you are in great pain I believe most people are in pain in some way and so we as children the things that hurt us we learn to protect ourselves we were five we were seven we were 12 we were 14 when we said I'll never let this happen to me again yeah sometimes we were 25 but the real the stuff that goes down before we're 10. that stuff it's the stuff that gets written in the cement while it's wet and once you write it in the wet cement it's hard it's hard so many of us had things that we wrote some things were written for us yeah and when that dries it's tough and so sometimes there's a 10 year old drive in the car of our life a 14 year old is giving us advice a 16 year old an 18 year old whatever moment you said I will never that is like a frozen moment almost emotionally and developmentally and we all have them and so I want you to one acknowledge that there may be some past pain that's still guiding your presence and and that's not necessarily A Bad Thing the first thing is just to be aware of it Trust you heard me teach this I don't believe that trust really exists in human relationships not because you can't trust people but because that's not how God intended it to go he said trust him love people so I don't trust you or distrust you it's just not the issue I love you or I'm afraid of you or both or both right but because it can be a both it it you could get some percentages but they cannot love and fear can't I cannot occupy all of the same space but we're not all or nothing right so when when the sower and the parable the sower in Matthew 13 when Jesus was sowing those seeds in different areas of the field our heart has different areas yeah so you can be feeling scared about something over here Joy over here a little sad over here excited over here it's not all you're not all or nothing and so but where love is fear is not and when fear is love is not because the Bible says perfect love casts out fear you can't so fear and love are not in the same place but when I say to somebody I don't trust you what I'm really saying is I'm afraid of you yeah yeah and we don't like that because that feels more vulnerable and that feels and because trust feels powerful I give you my trust I take my trust I give you my trust but to say I'm I'm afraid of you I'm afraid that you're gonna do what I don't want you to do and so I have to say I I don't trust you but what you're really saying is I'm trying to protect myself from the thing that scares me from happening but once we change our trust language to fear language one we can see ourselves more clearly but we can have mercy for other people so instead of saying well they don't trust anybody maybe they're just really scared and maybe for a good reason but if I stick around a love if I move slowly you know that poor dog that was abused that's at the pound you can't just come bring them home that day you said we visit them you sit near them and don't look at them directly you're just sitting there put the little biscuit just sit there love is patience love love think s the best so when we love we help people be less afraid that's good yeah and and if I know now that I thought I had trust issues and now you know you have fear issues sorry yeah that's that was worth coming to church for right there you thought you had trust issues but now you know you got fear issues because once you know what you got yeah we can do some work yeah right and so to say I'm afraid I'm still afraid this part of me is scared this has happened so many times before and you're trying to figure out how the story is going to go I just preached a message a few weeks ago that it was life-changing for me it was about job and I didn't want to preach about Job yeah you taught me some stuff listen yeah Holy Ghost taught me some stuff with that dude that versus was personal I just shared it with them but it was my word for me yeah 42 chapters in The Book of Job how many people know who job is we all know the story how the devil wins with walking around in heaven and then God saw him and then he said hey have you considered my servant job and you know he's he's the man he's not going to deny me Devil's like yes he will you know that all these things happen right there are 42 chapters in The Book of Job The Devil Is Gone by the end of chapter two yeah and the rest and the rest of the 40 chapters is everybody trying to figure out what they think happened how are we going to tell the story was it because job was a sinner was it because God was mad was it because and and everybody he got three friends who have opinions Joe got an opinion 40 chapters of people trying to decide what they think happened how to tell the story and how you tell the story matters because how you tell the story from your past to this moment is influencing how you tell the story from here forward because for some reason we always try to make the story match so where you've been up till now you'll try and make the story you don't realize it but you're twisting the story so that it'll match what happened before so you feel like you can predict what's coming next even if what's coming next is painful you'd rather be painful than not know and so emotionally again I don't trust me I'm talking about your mental health emotionally you're trying to protect yourself because when you're emotionally you don't feel protected it's difficult for you to think and you don't know what to do and you want to do the right thing and so I want you to go to therapy I want yes I do I want you to go to therapy I want you to go to support groups I want you to go to online support groups I want you to talk to the EAP people at your job I want you to go and talk to somebody yeah tell her tell your story talk to that therapist talk to that support group talk to a friend a family member you trust and tell your story about what happened to you what brought you to this point what pain is still in your past that keeps popping up in your life go and talk about it because it still matters yes yes and you deserve yes the freedom you deserve it you deserve it you deserve to lay down those Secrets they weigh a lot and when those secrets were carrying that pain that unresolved question that abuse the soil affected and it can't grow everything you want to grow yeah yeah it's not about being good ground or bad ground good means fertile so it's about being fertile soil for what you want to grow instead of the weeds that are growing do you know how weeds grow weeds grow when the soil has insufficient nutrients weeds are an indicator that the soil has less nourishment than it needs those weed seeds just stay down there some of them the long some of them can stay 40 years that the weed seed is in the ground waiting for the conditions to be right remember I said the seed knows a good seed knows there's enough water there's enough nutrient but a weed seeds like oh the soil is weak and it starts growing and so those stressful thoughts those anxious thoughts all those questions all those things thoughts those are weeds they start growing because you're asking questions to try and get your heart protected the most important nutrient in soil is called nitrogen nothing can grow without nitrogen it just doesn't work the plant will be weak the fruit will be small the fruit won't be healthy sometimes the fruit looks good but it doesn't have nutrients it won't be healthy so when you don't have nitrogen so when nitrogen drops Weeds start growing when the Weeds start growing they pull more nitrogen so that the other stuff can't get it guess what the best natural fertilizer is to put nitrogen in soil Our Savior Jesus whose love is shed whose love is shed everywhere else in the Bible when we use the word shed it's blood being shed but the Bible then says his love is shed abroad in our hearts blood that's why Jesus had to shed his blood it's actually nourishing it's how his love gets back to us so that the weeds can stop growing so you're trying to argue with the weeds so you're like no change your mind think positive say this affirmation stop all of that when you feel your mind going crazy just sit down and try to feel there's an old song here [Music] [Music] but it's different when you say he loves Oh How He Loves Me Oh How He Loves [Music] How He Loves do you know that he actually loves you loves me how often do you really sit down and just what does that mean he loves me oh my God How He Loves Me when I think about how he saved my life when I think about what he didn't let happen to my children she when I Remembered at the last time I was in Baltimore's because I was at Hopkins getting a tumor removed from my parathyroid gland that was sitting on my vocal cord ening my voice but he loves and so I can still talk if you would stop trying to solve it here and instead ask for it to be adjusted he here it will change your life it will change your life ask me a question because I'm sure I'm supposed to stop talking soon it's 1 30 so I know so stop talking listen when your mother's in the house she can do whatever she is this helping anybody you gotta let me tell you I want the question but Jesus cares so much about your emotional life so much about the soil of your heart that he called himself a seed he's chasing the soil so hard he said I want to be a seed so I can fall into the soil of their heart and dye there so that the tree of life that got left behind in Eden that I can be that inside of them instead that's how he is in love he's in love with you good so this is a question statement yes okay so when you said that you automatically assume uh that people are in pain I do it's it's it's funny uh that you said that um or ironic because I just told uh my intercessors maybe about a week or so ago that um when I approached people or when I answer a question the first thing I think about is mental how are they mentally I want you to now think about how are they emotional how are they emotionally and it yeah which is probably meant yeah that's what I think it's important when we start to say it because yes it changes it shifts their heart right because I you know a lot of people are in pain yeah and so when their response to you is automatically met with contention or or met with a sharp tongue or or however an attitude or whatever this is still Baltimore yeah I understand I understand it might be the angriest City yeah in the world trust me I love Baltimore but I was here for 27 years and let me tell you they be mad go ahead I got raises but anger has a special yeah it's different yeah it's different uh and so so that was my am I lying thank you that was my response to them because you don't you try not to allow people to match and that's where my question is you don't want to I hate to use the word energy right um especially with it going around good energy bad energy but you don't want to necessarily match anyone's energy so if you ask a question or they come to talk to you and they they have this approach about them right and then you don't want your people to necessarily match them so we try to tell them here to match them with love regardless of what they give to you and so how do knowing that people create this prison for themselves knowing that people kind of put themselves on the island because they're afraid of being hurt how what do you say to the opposite person that has to deal with them right because you can't work alone well some people work from home but they still have to work with other people you can't come to church alone you can't be in your marriage alone so the person that isn't as hurt because you said everyone hurt I think so is there anybody who's not hurt okay I want to know just kidding okay so so so what do you say to the other person that may not be hurting even in that area because we're all hurt but we have different areas that we're hurt in what do you say to the person they just want to give up on the hurt one yeah or the one that's heard it hurting the most first I say I think that we ascribe too much intention to other people I have a quote written in my Bible we judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions so if I do something if you come to me and say you really hurt me what's the first thing I'm gonna say I did not mean to you I didn't mean to and then but if somebody hurts you you're just like dick really you hurt me they're like they probably didn't mean like you know what I mean like we are nicer to ourselves we're more merciful to ourselves we tend to have um higher view of ourselves and so to say that other people like someone has put themselves in a prison or or they're isolating themselves like I'm even careful to do that because I'm I'm concluding something about their inner process and I have no way to know it what if they told you and I think I think that sometimes that's still not necessarily true okay because and I'm not saying that they haven't done things but it's like people are waking up in the morning and saying I'm gonna put myself in a prison today you know what I mean and and when people come in and I have a conversation and you know this I can have a five minute conversation with anybody probably in this room and have you realize something you had no idea about yourself right and you really thought you knew too and then be like well dang really like that trust fear thing how many dick tell me that they messed somebody up you're like well dag see and so you really thought you knew and so a lot and so people say oh my self-esteem is low or I don't love myself but these are just like these little cultural words that we've come up with that they don't mean anything we're just all trying to survive and a lot of what we're doing is not conscious we don't really know so our bodies here's how we work and emotion is the impact that a situation has on your body and your brain is how your body and your brain respond to what happens so if I suddenly jump up and scream you go like this your body's responding it's a it's a startle emotion so it's what happens to us when something happens our autonomic nervous system which is automatic responds and sends messages to the heart the heart sends the messages to the brain and then we become aware of it the brain sends the message down to the body tells us what to do so there's a loop eighty percent of the information is going up to the brain only 20 percent is going down from the brain to the body we aren't that conscious of most of our stuff I'm sure you guys have seen this in marriage counseling you'll hear one thing from the wife you hear the story from the husband then y'all sit down with them as a couple and they are acting insane and you're looking at them anybody ever watch that show Married at First Sight oh my God that show is crazy and I sit there and I watch and I'm like oh did she see how she just snapped at him yeah she didn't you know she didn't how many have ever watched The Reunion episode and what did they say man when I saw myself on video I was like wow I need help because we don't see us we don't see us and so always my heart is Mercy Mercy Mercy because they may not see themselves and I don't see me I don't see me I must be missing something I usually am missing something your greatest superpower in this world that you can develop is your capacity to know how you're doing emotionally and to be able to bring yourself into an emotional state that is peaceful within you because what if you could just be curious about this other person but when they start acting up you start getting offended well why are you talking to me like that why are you coming to me like that why you and now it's about you yeah yeah but what if you just stay curious about them about the pain they might be in or what they're trying to communicate or what it is that they say that they need what if you if it didn't become about you what if it didn't come what if it didn't again and we're not dogs I'm not comparing us to animals but when you see people who work with an animal that's been abused sometimes the animal would just be sad and scared but sometimes it's aggressive and I'm always I love watching those little Facebook videos for like five minutes that show you how the puppet ended up being a loving dog and I was licking your face but first it was like growling is a crazy pit bull and somehow but that person I'm always like how are they staying calm it's a pimple and they're just like it's fine buddy they leave the food they back up they do all these things because the person never feels like the dog is mad at them they are aware of it's trauma they know it's been abused sometimes that they were abused by males so they like women but they don't like me like all this other stuff nobody but the trainer is never upset because it's not about them they don't but see when you're like well what did I do how did I do because you feel like you should be able to control a situation or control other people and when you find out you can't now now it's their fault but you never could yeah yeah so what if you just were like yeah they're they're Snappy because they've been through something or their personality combined with what they've been through what it is this an opportunity that I have something to offer now that's easier at work than it is of your spouse yeah yeah the closer they get but here's the thing about marriage childhood trauma marries childhood trauma yeah we always choose someone who will give us the opportunity to work out some of our old problems you grew up with a parent that was distant you marry somebody and they're distant it's like how did I Sideshow because it shows up real fast because there was no other romance and stuff the same stuff that breaks them up in eight weeks is gonna break you up in 18 years it just it's just they went straight to it that's all I just went straight to it but if you watch the show and watch the show it blows me away you got like old somebody's mom left when they were kid somebody's there and so then as soon as the person leaves they freak out like we're bringing all of our old stuff we partner with somebody who helps us stay in touch with our problem we really do we really do we're trying to solve the problem again and again and so we bring that into our marriages and so the only way to break that pattern is to heal the child because the child keeps looking yeah the child still wants their mom to care this child still wants their dad you can say you don't care you could say you're over it I've let my dad go my mom butts the child in your heart is still looking and so the only way for you to stop responding out of your wound is to heal your wound then you won't be so quickly threatened by somebody else's wound and that's true but it takes time it takes time it does it takes time and it's something I had to learn over time and 18 and pastoring definitely will teach up it will definitely teach you yeah as a pastor's wife there were people sometimes I was asked to say hey someone so come to meet with me and I would hear all kinds of things man when you asked to meet with me I was so excited because I see you like a mom and the next person would say when you asked to meet me I was so nervous because I feel like I called to the principal's office same person same I made the same invitation yeah but people came with their own what their experiences have been with authority what they've been through to someone coming to meet with your mom is great and to another person that's a terrifying thing it just depends but I can't be like why would you think you you was being called to the principal office what did I do to make you think that had nothing to do nothing to do with me and now I have the opportunity Maybe to heal by being the principal that loves them yeah or being the mom or the Auntie or the per the grandma that hurt you maybe I can be the good Grandmom now I have a chance maybe this be something in your life that's healing and maybe I'll see the fruit immediately and maybe I won't see it immediately but the Bible says one plants one Waters and God gives the increase the problem is we hate being the planter and we hate being the water because we want to see increase the increase and then when we see the increase we take credit for it yeah we do I fixed them we take credit for it instead of realizing that you just happen to be the last waterer and you got the chance to be present for the increase that God gave and it's exciting to be a part of that moment but I use that to Give Me Faith the next time I'm only the planter and I never get to see the increase for that person but I will see it for that person so it's always just about what control do you think you have what power do you think you have you don't know where people are they may just be in a lot of emotional pain they may be recovering from a trauma they may have a mental illness and that's real there are so many people with undiagnosed depression undiagnosed anxiety disorders bipolar disorder schizophrenia there's so many people addictions yeah someone could have early dementia and you don't know it yeah those things are real and so sometimes people don't know and so they don't have treatment yet because having a mental illness is not the issue is having an untreated mental illness is that the issue and so how do I maybe get a chance to plant or water and if when I walk away from that person my body is oh and I'm uh then I need to have some time with myself what in me was awakened by something and then was I reminded of something from the past did it worry me am I scared and by them talking about their fear made me need to confront my own fear and it's not their fault right we walk away with that their energy is on me thank you no it's not you just smelled chicken frying over there and you was frying chicken at your house everybody smelled like chicken and it's not it's not that a lot of times people who being honest about their emotions now you gotta be honest about yours yeah and they woke your stuff up and now you blaming them like um yeah so that's the work that I do in a therapy room somebody comes in they bring all kinds of emotion into the room my job is to be at rest so they have space for that but if I was like hey hey stop stop crying tissue stop crying so much y'all would be like what kind of therapist are you but why do you expect that from the therapist because you expect not to be judged you expect openness you expect me not to take it personally well those are skills you can apply in your regular life you don't have to be a therapist to do that it all comes down to me being unconditionally loving to the person in front of me yeah hello [Applause] I know y'all gotta eat um so are there any major questions and I'll say that too if there's can I ask them if there's any major relations want to ask about emotional health spiritual health mental health physical health how do we pull these things together go ahead um you said they're not of they don't have trust issues they're afraid yeah so um what about people who have been through traumatic experiences with family because you said the closer they get the more like the more intense it can be yeah how do they how do they heal from that like what first steps can they take and then how do they also interact with those people who you know may have either cause of trauma or been there or whatever the case may be yeah similar to Jesus and Judas that was a layered question so I think I hear you saying or asking how do you make space for someone to heal for trauma or are you asking how do I how how could we okay okay so not asking for a friend thank you right so how do we begin to heal some of our own stuff you know the first thing is to acknowledge that we're human and that it isn't surprising that we are vulnerable to being wounded because sometimes it starts with a man that shouldn't even have hurt me like that I should be over that I should I should why why would that be true we are all have it a possible for us to be wounded just like if a car hits you and breaks your leg you're not like I can't believe my leg broke my legs should not have broken like my legs should be stronger than that car like no no but because we see emotions as weaknesses we feel like if it if I if emotionally I got broken that means I was weak but if I break your bone with a bat that wasn't weakness so the first thing is to let go of the lies about emotion the enemy wants us to feel like that about emotion because God created us these emotional creatures he doesn't want us to be our original form so yes emotional I can be wounded yes it's possible that would hurt me a long time ago is still affecting me now and that's okay that's okay after that once you just get to that point um you want to create some safe space to do the work so that means try to clear some space for you to be able to focus on your healing that might mean volunteering for one less thing that might mean working a few Less hours a week and just don't order doordash twice that week so that you can give two hours of quiet time to your healing you need you need a little time and space I encourage you to find Safe People a person a safe person or people who you can be honest with about your story there's nothing um wrong with telling your story to somebody safe I think there's a few ladies here who a long time I won't ask you to identify yourself but a long time ago I used to run counseling groups at our church for survivors of child sexual abuse and dozens and dozens of women from our church went through that group and so many would come in and they were nervous like well if I tell my story if I come other people are going to know that I was sexually abused other people at church are going to know and I would always say and why would that be bad so the challenge became when I am no longer afraid of my secret because what does it mean for me to have this right so I would like you to find a safe person to tell your true story to tell your story too and the goal isn't just to find someone you can trust the goal is to eventually not have a secret at all and the women in that group were so amazing they taught me many things but I had a t-shirt that I would bring to the first group that said I was sexually abused on the front and on the back I said but I'm not anymore and women would see the t-shirt and be like and I said can you imagine going outside in this t-shirt and they're like uh no never but inevitably by the end of the 20 weeks we spent together women were arguing over whose turn it was to wear the T-shirt they went home my own woman went to her house during a big family dinner and War and walked in the door another woman went to 7-Eleven and walked into the and the goal because the goal was what if you went outside wearing this t-shirt and someone walked up to you and said you were sexually abused and what if you were so healed you said I was were you can I help you what if you were so well that you wore your wounds and said stick your hand in my side what if you were so well that you said stick your hand in the hole in my wrist why are you so what if you were so well what if you were so well it's possible it's possible why do you think Jesus was resurrected with scars why wasn't Jesus resurrected perfect why did Jesus come back with a body with holes in it why wasn't the standard set to be resurrected perfect why didn't Jesus set a standard of perfection why did he come back with holes in his body so you would know it's gonna be awesome so he would know otherwise Jesus would have been resurrected with a secret because only the disciples and not even all of them would have been sure who it was but what I've been through now you recognize me and so you want Jesus to heal your pain in a way so you don't look like what you've been through but I want to look like it a little bit I need you to recognize me and so to see those ladies run out into the streets and that's why people are always shock when I talk about my own stuff I'm a sex abuse advisor I'm a sex assault Survivor I deal with anxiety I deal with lots of stuff and it doesn't stop me from being powerful but I need you to see the host I need you to see the holes so what if what if what if what if your crossover what if your next dimension is a t-shirt that says I was sexually abused and I want you to know in case I can help you what if your next Dimension is actually my credit score used to be 350. what if you put that on a t-shirt what if your next Dimension is divorced twice what if you're next to me what is your next Dimension is your willingness to walk into the streets with holes in yourself so that somebody will ask you because you want to be asked about it so you won't say oh who told you that somebody betrayed me who was talking about me oh I'm so glad you heard did you need to what if your next dimension see you think your next Dimension is a house a car a marriage a business what if your next dimension is that your scars are so healed that there's no pain when when Thomas stuck his hand in the hole in Jesus's side Jesus didn't scream there was no pain there it wasn't infected it wasn't it was sealed I'm gonna end by teaching you this you are a tree growing in good soil when trees are wounded they do not heal they seal so when you see a tree with a flat with a circle around it when the bark has been broken that's a wound when the outside breaks it's a wound when our bodies break they heal we get new flesh new skin you won't see it but that doesn't happen to a tree a tree doesn't heal but it will send special cells to surround the wound so that the wound doesn't spread and once that is processed is complete the wound is sealed you still see it but it can't move anywhere else our bodies heal but guess what our brain cells our nerves the things that carry our memories and our thoughts and our feelings do not heal they seal the exact same way that trees do so when that trauma damages your memory cells when that trauma damages your body the healing comes it seals the damaged area just like a tree and so Jesus showed us in his resurrection both bodily and mentally what it meant he healed and he sealed he sealed that's what God wants me to leave you with today for some of you your next dimension is the seal chase the seal ask God for that more than anything because when the wound is open it will infect other things so you may get the house but you lose it you get the job but you don't enjoy it you get the relationship but it's not healthy you get the business but no joy because the pain from wind is Echo let your next Dimension be the one where nothing matters more to you than telling people what he did for you and he'll do it at this Altar and he'll do it in therapy and he'll do it in groups and he'll do it when you're witnessing and telling your story that's your crossover baby it's time to seal God bless you amen thank you [Applause] [Music] thanks for sitting with me today [Music]

Channel: Radical City

Views: 6,671

Keywords: CyberLink, PowerDirector21, Radical City Baltimore, Radical City Family, Dr. Anita Phillips, Crossover, Jordan Year

Id: Ul86rhDRMgQ

Length: 82min 36sec (4956 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 07 2023