Derrick Jaxn Controversy | What Are the Phases of Recovery from an Affair?

hello says dr grande today's question is can i analyze the controversy surrounding derek jackson just a reminder i'm not diagnosing anybody in this video only speculating about what could be happening in a situation like this if you enjoy this video please like it subscribe to my channel and consider supporting me on patreon i'll put the link to patreon in the description for this video eric jackson first became a public figure sometime around 2012. he had a blog where he talked about mistakes that led him to losing a relationship with his college sweetheart denae jackson eventually the couple would get back together get married and start a family jackson told the ongoing story of their relationship on social media i guess as a way to document the journey he started offering strategies for strengthening relationships which many people responded to he would eventually write several books he refers to himself as a self-love ambassador which he prefers to the term love guru he believes himself to be a good writer i looked at a few of his books it was an important reminder that to be effective at writing books you have to be both a good writer and have a clear message so he has a couple of areas that he can work on there jackson became quite popular on instagram and youtube i'll talk about his youtube channel in a moment but first i want to cover his apology video it provides some context a lot of his image was based on how he had this successful marital relationship personally in march of 2021 we see these rumors surface indicating that jackson had an extramarital affair a woman named candace madyrios came forward and said that she went on vacation with jackson to miami she said that jackson told her he was separated from his wife he invited her to his residence where she saw moving boxes this led her to believe that he may be telling the truth initially jackson posted a video claiming that he was separated there was no affair then he published another video where his wife was seated next to him this is the apology video i was referring to before the one i will review the video was titled did i cheat in my marriage here's where we get to see a different story referring to himself in the third person he said eric jackson was involved with other women he made sure that he illustrated this activity was as serious as sex not just lunch or something he implied that there was more people involved than just one so he had multiple extramarital affairs jackson went on to say that he told his wife everything he did not want to encourage this behavior in other people he noted how his behaviors are inconsistent with what he preaches on his platform i'm sure a lot of people heard that we're thinking what who would have ever made that connection he suggested that he is not exempt from consequences no one made him do it he is not a victim there is no excuse or justification he believed that he and his wife will now be getting to the other side of this in their own marital healing his wife added that she agreed there is no justification she indicated that she left and was not coming back until there was a shift in his mentality which evidently occurred the pair received counseling jackson is pursuing god she said they've already turned a new chapter she forgave him and forgave the others for the conclusion of the video jackson said that he was a human and he should not be put on a pedestal he noted that it will not be easy to support him at least for a short time before talking about how people have to have the grace of god to be successful as i mentioned jackson has a significant social media presence including a youtube channel he has about 750 000 subscribers on his youtube channel and receives almost 1.7 million views every month here are a few examples of video titles from his channel they are of course selected at random none of these video titles were in any way selected because of jackson's recently revealed behavior looking at the titles signs that he's a narcissist why men smarten up when it's too late five signs he's going to waste your time he doesn't want you he wants help stop entertaining confused men not everyone you lose is a loss and the six people most likely to cheat i know of one so i guess there are five more to go i watched several of his videos he's often seated in the driver's seat of his vehicle but sometimes he's in the passenger seat the fact that he's sitting in a vehicle seems appropriate considering it's easy to get motion sickness because he does not hold the camera still when he's recording it's moving around as much as he is i guess one could say it's wandering or straying he attempts to deliver wisdom about relationships and much of his advice is specifically geared to women who are dealing with disrespectful self-centered men who are prone to cheat he claims to be an expert in this area it's really quite amazing almost like he completely understands that personality the thing that makes this case so ironic is how his central message was really about how women should maintain their standards when pursuing romance they should not settle for someone who does not treat them right in one sense it was like he was essentially saying that men are awful in relationships and women should be on the lookout for bad behavior he was extremely judgmental specifically against men who have affairs he literally wrote a book titled a cheating man's heart and another one called a cheating man's heart too he had so much to say about cheating he couldn't even fit in one book when looking at his apology other than the fact that he implied this whole scandal would blow over shortly and the healing process seems a bit rushed i actually think he did an okay job he took responsibility he said he was not a victim he claimed he wasn't hiding anything he pointed out how unfortunate this is in light of his message i actually thought if he was telling the truth it was not a bad apology under the circumstances although i do not think he really appreciates the complexity of extramarital affairs i think another problem is that he lied in a video before on this topic saying that he was separated so the dishonesty piece is kind of important when it comes to trying to recover from an affair some might consider his credibility for speaking on this area to be devastated it's like if a ceo of a bank apologized because he stole millions of dollars from a vault okay the ceo could offer a good apology but his whole job is to protect money it would be different if the ceo is apologizing for getting into a bar fight something unrelated to finance i think for jackson this was just about the worst situation he could find himself in given his advice i believe that social media influencers can recover from incredible failures i think jackson can probably do this too but it probably will be a long process personal stories appear to be a major part of his books perhaps he can write a new narrative about his extramarital affair behavior i'm sure there are people out there who want to read about his journey in light of his recent admissions maybe he could talk about the healing process with extramarital affairs healing is typically a long process it doesn't have to be in every situation maybe this couple is an exception but usually an affair is a devastating occurrence the coping process has many different stages many stages take people by surprise one model from an article published in 2001 i think is a pretty good way to conceptualize a fair recovery it has five phases i will briefly go through these phases i'll use the example here of a husband who is cheating on a wife because that's the situation that occurred here with eric jackson phase one is the start this is where the unfaithful partners are overwhelmed by desire attraction and never before felt sexual feelings so it's just shocking to them right people get swept up in these affairs stage two is suspicion and negation this is where the husband fails to tell his wife because of fear and because he doesn't want to hurt his wife the third stage is explosion and impulsive reactions this is where the wife finds out about the affair and is damaged to her core she feels ashamed rejected lost and afraid the fourth phase is decision and deadlock the couple has to decide if they can stay together binding factors reasons to stay together are weighed against reasons to be apart it may seem like an easy decision for the wife at first but often factors like financial dependency a common history and children make the calculations difficult at this stage we see the husband is reluctant to give up the affair but is forced to make a decision the fifth phase the last phase is working through resentment and distrust remain as both the husband and the wife suffer from the wife's point of view there are periods of trying to get revenge on the husband and there are periods of forgiveness as we can see by looking at the five phases affairs are easy to get into exciting and novel but at the same time devastatingly painful and destructive as i mentioned before i don't believe that the complexity of affairs was really captured by jackson's apology as far as his potential comeback derek jackson has limited his ability to bounce back somewhat because he backed himself into a corner with the judgmental tone he created the material that can now easily be used to condemn him if he had a more balanced tone if he said look there are two sides to every story he would be in a better position now or if men having affairs was just one thing that he talked about that would make it different but again that was essentially his entire message i suppose to be fair to jackson many influencers have talked about rules they themselves would later break like people talk about the dangers of illegal substance use and then they get arrested for possession people talk about the dangers of covid19 yet they are caught not wearing a mask the question becomes is it possible to give good advice when you don't follow it yourself i think the reality is that it is possible i don't think jackson is necessarily giving good advice but yes i think it's possible one other struggle for jackson is the fact that he is a self-proclaimed expert this is a tenuous position to start with the theme here with jackson appears to be that he does not appreciate what he has when weighing everything i actually feel empathy for jackson perhaps his message came in part from his own thoughts yet in order to effectively deliver his advice he had to hide the fact that he was acting on those thoughts i hope this can be a learning opportunity for him and he can make a recovery with his social media presence i also hope that the couple can work things out if that's what they really want to do jackson has actually connected with something important in his message the reality is that many people probably empathize with jackson affairs are extremely common much more common than most people believe relationships are difficult narcissism is everywhere his message resonates because many people have experienced problems in relationships his descriptions of cheating men remind people what they've gone through in their own lives his own extramarital affairs highlight how no one is exempt from these problems it's a roundabout way to teach an important lesson but jackson has actually taught his followers about selfishness and insensitivity in addition he threw in a bonus lesson in hypocrisy those are my thoughts on derek jackson please put any opinions and thoughts in the comments section they always generate an interesting dialogue i hope that you found my analysis of this topic to be enlightening thanks for watching

Channel: Dr. Todd Grande

Views: 93,813

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Id: GeIqUiFI3sc

Length: 12min 13sec (733 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 24 2021