Demolition Man Review by Decker Shado

hello world wide web i am dr shadow the internet personality the best hair now it's been a couple of months but i managed to pull together enough after the big move so here we are again with another wait what what the what's going on creepy what are you doing here this is supposed to be my big comeback review i don't remember inviting you you didn't i hacked my way into your transmission listen i've said it to tim diana before there is no transmission to hack into i'm still recording this video hasn't even been processed yet it's not my fault you wouldn't answer any of my emails besides the direct approach tends to work better in getting your attention fine what do you want where's that comic you promised me [Music] what comic the one you promised you'd help get off the ground months ago you're beginning to break up answer me death don't do that how the heck are you able to make your voice do that anyway you promised me a comic decker do you want to find out what i do to people who don't keep their word listen i've been busy there was the documentary and getting moved into the new place and i didn't get that surface pro like i wanted to try again decker and i really wanted the pro oh for the love of joe gage's sex files don't start this again this is what i get for collaborating with mortals on a project stop looking at me like that none of this is my fault i've got problems of my own i want the pro listen what movie are you reviewing ah a guilty pleasure of mine demolition man starring sylvester stallone and sandra bullock you enjoy demolition man and why not it's a very good film and highly underrated in my opinion i love demolition man one of the few stallone films i can sit through without feeling bored or wondering what the hell he's saying you didn't like rocky decker stallone didn't star in the rocky horror picture show that was peter henwood never mind as long as you're here you want to do the review with me really well people seem to enjoy when we do crossovers together so why not since you're already here you might as well help me milk a few more cents out of this thing great wait am i getting a cut out of the profits we open with a panning shot of the hollywood sign and it's on fire is this supposed to be a metaphor for something probably several quick shots reveal the city of los angeles in the year 1996 which was only three years after this film was made our protagonist john spartan played by sylvester stallone is being flown via helicopter over mayhem that makes the infamous la riots look like a night at the roxbury spartan is on a manhunt for a maniac who kidnapped a busload of civilians and is hiding them in the middle of this war zone i got a real bed hunch where those passengers aren't with that media kiss you want to share it with us phoenix simon phoenix oh and um spoiler alert i guess sparing a moment to look manly in front of the camera spartan then drops feet first into the middle of the battlefield this action sequence is spot on for excitement though it's so gratuitous at times it almost looks like a video game [Music] phoenix played by wesley snipes notices spartan going for the high score and prepares for his arrival what what what you got soldier boy do something go ahead you up to your ass and gasoline because of course spartan has no sense of smell and has to be told when hundreds of gallons of gas has just been poured all over the floor oh [ __ ] never mind that the movie's already over what are you talking about it's not the liquid but the fumes that are flammable that amount of gas plus that torch equals two rotisserie characters in one very short action movie well if it makes you feel better they do catch fire eventually yeah this is a great scene to introduce us to snipes character though which comes off like a mix between dennis rodman and mark hamill's joker where are the phoenix now where did i put him i swear i'd lose my head if it wasn't attached their friendly exchange is cut short however as the fire spreads to stockpiles of c4 which in reality would merely burn slowly but in an action movie it explodes again if it didn't decker you'd be complaining about that after running away from the huge explosion that again somehow does not end the movie right here and now spartan brings the maniac to the rest of the police who seem to be a little better at investigation than he is the body's everywhere there must be 20 or 30. everywhere you see that captain i told him he said he didn't care oh my god how could you sacrifice all these innocent people as a result of what the bureaucrats see as gross incompetence spartan is sentenced to be cryogenically frozen for 70 years during this time his hostile behavior will be modified via subliminal suggestive programming i must applaud the tech display to the cryogenics scene though as freezing living creatures causes cell damage because of the size of the ice crystals formed when frozen slowly this unexplained blue ball however completely solves that problem wait you can't forgive the gas fumes or the c4 but the unexplained blue ball is perfectly okay with you sure why not well if you like balls you're in luck they were really milking the fact that stallone stripped down for this film you can practically make a drinking game out of the number of ass shots did i get an eyeful of stallone's [ __ ] just now it's a stunt dick imagine how much worse it was for people seeing this film on the silver screen and there's another one we cut to the year 2032 in the megalopolis of san angelos where lieutenant lenina huxley our deuteranganus played by sandra bullock is checking up on the san angelos cryo prison on her way to work i'm here by queering you on the prison population update does the tedium continue your earnest questioning is as amusing as it is irrelevant the prisoners are ice cubes they never move what that looks like a pro bulky and expensive sure but are you that start for a tablet that everything is starting to look like a pro to you maybe why do you always fall for the crazy ones creepy wait what these short series of scenes established that the world as we know it has ended and has been replaced by a society that i can best describe as peaceful to the extreme the only one who seems upset with this at all is huxley who is not at all subtle with her opinion do you really long for chaos and disharmony what i wouldn't give for some action right on cue they just so happen to be rolling phoenix up for his parole hearing scheduled several years before spartans because despite his list of crimes being much more gruesome you always have to give the bad guy the advantage in the beginning of these movies [Music] advantages that include knowing passwords and security codes to all the major systems and minor ophthalmology retina coding accepted warden william smithers be well yeah you too ah he has his parole officer's eyes lame sorry i'm still a little rusty his escape doesn't go undetected but the police don't even recognize the emergency codes and by the time they do figure out what's going on they still don't have a clue what to do about it condition critical vital signs failing imminent death subject deceased a familiar scene to anyone who has ever had the pleasure of waiting for police assistance did you get into some trouble i don't know about creepy oh not me but i know i can get down there and do whatever i want to you long before any help arrives that's nice by the time the police figure out its phoenix he manages to kill one of the doctors and steal their car this car is trackable on their system but we still have enough time before the police arrive to get interrupted by random plotline credit to kill what the hell was don't ask me i assumed you were overlaying a scene from the alfred hitchcock hour he regains his composure long enough to google for a weapon but isn't pleased by the wikipedia article he finds as a pistol look i don't need a history lesson come on hal wear the goddamn guns you are fined one credit for a violation of the verbal morality in accordance with a peaceful loving society almost everything is illegal including foul language well [ __ ] good to know my show will be removed from the internet in 19 years for being obscene decker it's just a movie oh yeah right the police show up and ask siri what course of action they should take maniac is imminent request firm tone of advice demand maniac lie down with hands behind back and in all these decades they still haven't fixed all the bugs in the program as phoenix beats the officers senseless fries the security cameras for several blocks and blows up a car for good measure [Music] as police chief george earl played by bob gunton is completely clueless how to apprehend phoenix he calls nigel hawthorne who plays the role of dr raymond cocteau the leader and creator of the peaceful society where they live i want you to do everything in your power to snare this agent of distraction you have my utmost confidence so his advice is to just keep trying you think that much would at least be obvious did he just laugh you'd think that much would be obvious man you are rusty after some convincing by the other members of the police force the chief agrees to thaw out spartan early which grants us even more shots of stallone's assets geez at this rate i'm never gonna be able to look at that smiley face in the same way again when spartan is thought out they are kind enough to tell him that his wife died years ago every food and drink he could possibly enjoy is now illegal and of course to top it all off simon phoenix escaped and has been killing people it is determined he will attempt to set up a new drug lab and form a crime syndicate that is correct chief george earl look i hate to interrupt you two lovebirds but that's really [ __ ] stupid do you think he wants to start a business phoenix is going for a gun clean and simple sheesh the government has every time i've googled spider babe on file yet the computer didn't even check phoenix's search history as the protagonist declared so it is true phoenix is at the museum eager to steal the guns that for some reason have been stored in perfect working order with ammunition you got to wait that 15 day waiting period how can i just like take one now [ __ ] and as luck would have it the plastic turns into glass just in time for him to break it with someone's help wait a minute this is the future well the phaser guns phoenix's rampage continues which triggers a lockdown in the museum trapping him inside as spartan arrives with huxley and garcia in tow stallone is the star of this movie however so huxley and garcia wait outside so he can confront phoenix by himself at which point things begin to unravel [Music] blondie spartan john's martin oh [ __ ] man let anybody into this century what the hell are you doing here as phoenix is making his escape he happens to come across dr cocteau who arrived to investigate the destructive rampage now don't you have a job to do isn't there a thought repeating in that barbaric brain of yours the name friendly mr edgar friendly don't you have someone to kill you know correct me if i'm wrong here but something about this guy doesn't seem quite on the up and up nothing escapes your razor sharp mastery of observation does it decker no it doesn't spartan arrives to chase phoenix away interrupting their conversation he doesn't question carter just yet as to what was going on and before long lenina arrives with reinforcements he's finally matched his meat you really licked his ass odd by spartan's bravery cocteau invites him and lieutenant huxley to dine with him at taco bell later that night hey that isn't fair creepy how come you didn't treat me to taco bell when i chased that crazy looking bastard away from your place last time that was our mailman decker incidentally he's filed a restraining order against you still on the case spartan begins piecing together where phoenix might be hiding because paper money is no longer used and all transactions are conducted via a biochip implanted into each citizen's hand phoenix has few places to run to it'd be a waste of time to mug somebody unless he rips off someone's hand let's hope he doesn't figure that one out however the chief has already concocted a brilliant plan of his own more importantly we already have a backup plan we can just wait for another code to go red and when phoenix performs another murder death kill we'll know exactly where to pounce great plan that night spartan and huxley dress in their finest for dinner at taco bell with cocktail valley of the jolly green giant good things from the guy oh don't start this nonsense it took me days to get ongoing humanoid over you out of my head no no no we're not doing this next scene the dinner conversation leaves a bit to be desired since most of cocktails guests spend their time insulting spartan in loquacious ways what would you say if i called you a brutish fossil symbolic of a decayed error gratefully forgotten i don't know thanks spartan reveals to everyone that he remained conscious while in a frozen state which contradicts cocto's public stance that cryogenically frozen humans have no self-awareness huxley is stunned by this revelation but spartan spots suspicious behavior across the street and leaps into action [Music] weren't these guys in the road warrior actually i think these guys should have been in road warrior but the director for that film cast a local s m club instead spartan makes quick work of the scraps who are outcasts that live in the tunnels beneath san angelos away from cocktails ideal society the fight is short-lived but spartan balks when he realizes the scavengers were only looking for food to eat hurting people's not a good thing well sometimes it is but not when it's a bunch of people looking for something to eat bristling from spartan's words cocktail returns to his office to find that phoenix has made some modifications nah i've changed that illuminate delluminate [Music] isn't that nicer phoenix has deducted that cocktail is the reason that he now has lead hacking computer skills and monkey kung fu powers cocktail altered phoenix's cryogenic programming and gave him all the access codes so that phoenix could assassinate edgar friendly a social anarchist and reluctant leader of the scraps who was played by dennis leary of all people phoenix actually complies with cocto's insistent demand that he kill friendly but requests that cocktail thaw out several more criminals to make the job go much easier and i'm sure phoenix doesn't have a single ulterior motive have you been drinking out of season nog recently of course that cycle has an ulterior motive oh now you're starting to catch on meanwhile huxley and spartan arrive at her apartment complex huxley has pulled some strings and secured spartan a domicile there as well however before showing spartan to his own room huxley has a request i was wondering if you would like to have sex damn i can't wait for the future now none of women ask you for sex right off the bat like that uh i'm afraid it's a little more complicated than that let it float [Music] what's wrong he broke contact contact i didn't touch it yet huxley explains to spartan in the audience that cocktail outlawed sexual contact of any type after an outbreak of several new stds ravaged the population meaning that even kissing is considered taboo this doesn't jazz well with spartan at all and when he tries to put his player moves on huxley she isn't receptive you are a savage creature john spartan and i wish you to leave my domicile now that's telling him a hug sleep retreating to his own apartment spartan takes a moment to explore the place before settling down hi martin you know i was thinking oh my god i'm sorry wrong number so in the future women call you on vid phones while naked i'm definitely looking forward to the future now they outlawed sex remember the most you'll ever do is look [ __ ] well then i guess this qualifies as the film's blue thumb gay stripper moment huh [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] by the way i'm sending you a bill for using that clip are you kidding me you got it from a gay musical porno how is it i'm the one being billed here don't try to push me there are other porn films out there i could subject you to instead i've already sat through playmate of the apes in a gay go-go dancer in a banana hammock what more can you throw at me how would you like to sit through dark alley media's erotic interpretation of the passion of the christ spartan examines a video footage of phoenix's escape from the museum or rather clips from earlier in the movie and becomes suspicious of both cocktail and the doctor's mysterious control over phoenix thanks to his behavioral modification programming spartan is able to knit a present for huxley by the next morning as an apology which she happily accepts convinced he's on the right trail spartan has huxley access phoenix's rehabilitation programming urban combat kill torture methodology computer override authority survival fantastic terrorism tactics weapons training martial arts murder death kill explosives technician violent behavior this isn't a proper rehabilitation program no kidding i think i figured out where you learned your deductive reasoning from decker don't try to flatter me i will not watch that jesus of the gay passion porno with you spartan is all for confronting cocktail about his possible involvement in simon phoenix's escape and murderous rampage but huxley tries to put the kibosh on things right away no john spawn you do not accuse the savior of our city of being connected with a multi-murder death killer like simon phoenix it's rude nevertheless the two end up interrogating the good doctor moments later i wonder about this [ __ ] i think you've got this maniac under control trust me you don't spartans gun toting and accusations lead to cocktail ordering huxley to return spartan to cryostasis at once john handles this with his standard grace and subtle reasoning be well be [ __ ] left with few options spartan goes looking in the one place left where simon phoenix might be the underground system of tunnels beneath san angelos against orders both huxley and garcia decide to follow spartan down to the scraps turf i'm with you let's go blow this guy away blow this guy away whatever not a word creepy not one word their search for phoenix quickly takes a detour when spartan gets the first whiff of cooked meat he smelled since being defrosted and since there aren't any cattle down there in these tunnels guess where the meat for that burger came from [Music] actually here in the united states certain breeds of rat are considered a delicacy for example the koipu or as it is more commonly known the nutrient rat is a stable in louisiana cuisine you don't have to explain that to me orleans is just a hop skip and jump across the river from where i live i wasn't telling you what i was telling the audience not bad matter of fact is the best burger i've had in years leaving the rat burger stand spartan and company maneuver through the tunnel community's people though the locals seem a little less than enthused by their presence yeah that's how some people react whenever i walk down a busy city street i'd love to give you that [Music] [Applause] a 1970 oldsmobile 442 with a 455 cubic inch engine radial tires and [ __ ] seats i'm impressed and i am so turned on for some reason so am i hey you just keep your distance pal you know decker there is such a thing as protesting too much huxley and spartan are so entranced by the pretty red car that they don't notice friendly and his goon squad sneaking up behind them at first friendly is not quite so friendly towards them for invading his turf mistakenly assuming cocktails sent them into the tunnels to drag him top side so he can stand trial spartan is able to get friendly to back off though by revealing his mutual distaste for cocktails way of life so stay here be well and cocktails and [ __ ] in response friendly deconstructs cocktails philosophy in what i consider to be the highest point of this entire film see according to kateau's plan i'm the enemy because i like to think i like to read i'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice i'm the kind of guy who likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder gee should i have the t-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side order gravy fries i want high cholesterol i want to eat bacon and butter and buckets of cheese okay i want to smoke cuban cigar the size of cincinnati in a non-smoking section i want to run through the streets naked with green jello all over my body reading playboy magazine why because i suddenly might feel the need to okay pal i've seen this you know what it is it's a 47 year old version sitting around in his base pajamas drinking a banana broccoli shakes thing and i'm an oscar meyer wiener in other words cocktails lifestyle is what happens when extreme liberalism pulls a 180 degree turn and rams into the tail end of the republican party you've actually done that before haven't you what the naked down the street part yeah not covered in green jello no realizing who friendly is spartan breaks the news that cocktail is trying to assassinate him discussing the situation in a commerce setting who would happen to show up at phoenix himself oh i must have done something right in the previous life can't imagine what that could have been the scene immediately erupts into a shootout with spartan and friendly scraps fighting against phoenix and his cryocons after some impressive cinematography gets the better of phoenix he flees to the surface which transitions directly into a car chase as spartan discovers the elevator shaft which evidently can bring the lift even higher than the shaft itself as the chase ensues phoenix takes a few shots at spartan damaging the classic vehicle though strangely enough not breaking the back windshield of his own car that's not too outlandish really excuse me that was a self-fixing window not too outlandish there's that example true but the other one was just a continuity error plain and simple was it now you've been getting way too many messages from people trying to defend prometheus haven't you yes as the chase continues spartan leaps onto phoenix's car and tries to apprehend him phoenix however has some exposition to spill remember trying to catch me they were already dead oh wait a minute that's an awful damn weird thing to bring up just out of the blue and spoken conveniently whenever you can't see his mouth your point i smell a line added after the filming was over maybe but at least it fits the earlier scenes with the fact that spartan said he didn't find the hostages on a thermal scan oh but the self-healing glass was just stupid yes it was spartan throws phoenix from the vehicle but soon finds it's been damaged quite a lot in the fight and he can't stop it [Applause] which is about 94 minutes so damn i did not expect the film to end quite so suddenly and like that's fine [Music] i take it back the car [ __ ] inside itself to save spartan's life was stupid self-healing glass sounds far more reasonable the entire police force is here to arrest spartan so he calmly walks past them and finds that a huge scrap army has made its way to the surface presumably undetected and thankfully willing to provide him with firearms use these weapons of mass destruction against men and women who uphold the law i'll use these weapons to shop for groceries huxley also sides with spartan and tells the chief something she's been meaning to say for this whole film chief you can take this job and you can shovel it at least she has a firmer grasp on 90s slang than decker seems to have on reviewing right now hey while this is going on phoenix has made it back to cocktail and evidently told him that friendly is dead as raymond starts musing about being free to create his perfect society the purity of an ant colony and the beauty of a flawless pearl look you can't take away people's right to be [ __ ] that's what you remind me of an evil mr rogers will you please kill him how do you mean to tell me he had the foresight to prevent phoenix from being able to kill him but didn't put that failsafe into any of the other cryo-cons [Music] no no he didn't cocteau's assistant wastes no time jumping over to phoenix's side and quickly informs phoenix that spartan and huxley have arrived phoenix sends his goon squad to keep spartan preoccupied while he executes his villainous coup de grace [Music] wait just a darn second here huxley grew up in an enlightened peace-loving society where did she learn to fight like that [Music] um never mind that man has died by my hands it was either him or else sexy well yeah there is that hmm glad to see she's capable of dealing with her first kill so efficiently anyway where the hell did you learn to kick like that oh um jackie chan movies ah you do not learn kung fu from watching woosha flicks and the moving character developing moment falls flat due to a cheap joke finding the flambeed remains of cocktail huxley offers the doctor last rites before checking the computer monitors phoenix it seems is gearing up to release all the life sentence cryocons onto san angelos none of whom have rehabilitation programming realizing their final confrontation is at hand spartan renders huxley unconscious with her own glow stick just as she achieves a realization about violence being necessary under certain circumstances that hardly seems fair huxley's proven she's able to take care of herself and she has to be left behind logistically she doesn't have the same experience and training spartan does and would likely be hurt production wise it's bad form for the hero to be upstaged by the sidekick character during the big fight at the end huh right and we're back to this again now that wasn't stallone's ass that doesn't count whatever keeps you from waking up in the middle of the night right absolutely does that one count decker cut it out already spartan crashes phoenix's party via the main entrance then poses in front of the camera one final time before going in to put a stop to phoenix's plan the d cryo process is in its final phase meaning spartan has but minutes to stop phoenix and shut the computers down before what the hell is that [Music] and yet another cryocon ass shot how much man asked did the producers think this film needed hey it's future realism the action sequence takes off with phoenix catching spartan in the biggest claw game ever built and associate bob running for his life with the two of them alone phoenix toys with spartan firing wildly at him while singing along with a climactic music of course a hose is busted which happens to be pumping nitrogen freezing the metal and making it brittle enough for spartan to break free phoenix then lashes out with a laser cutter and after that doesn't work smashes the focus lens oh there was toying with him instead of just killing him telling him the truth about the hostages though honestly he hasn't even reacted to that yet oh and there's your armor made out of tires what are you afraid of that that amount of rubber will be able to stop with all the man ass in this film do i really have to answer that question point taken now both toe-to-toe and unarmed they stopped to reminisce about the beginning of the film is it cold in here or is it just me with all that out of the way phoenix starts beating the absolute crap out of spartan in a decidedly one-sided brawl before he kills him he takes the time to posture a bit this is the best day of my life [Music] well given the angle he's just got to thrust down a few feet and boom spartan where john has to swing the whole thing around and turn it 180 degrees so clearly the odds are stacked in the favor of [Music] stagger don't tell me you've forgotten how action movies work the laws of physics don't apply to the climax oh yeah the magic blue ball of insta-free spreads of the floor and walls and spartans somehow has the energy left to quickly escape its path and deliver the one-liner before double killing phoenix [Music] of course the entire cryoprism is built out of explosives it seems as now frozen solid everything starts to blow up spartan runs away from the huge blast bringing us to our story's end with cocteau dead the peaceful society has no idea where to go from here and we are given a very ambiguous happy conclusion where the people won't be so uptight and the scraps are allowed back into society and spartan gets the girl of course of course decker i mean sure she was raised to a bore physical contact but no matter what at the end of an action movie the hero always gets the girl so that's how it works huh oh uh well that was demolition man and uh it's one of my favorite movies are there logical flaws and issues with reality in this movie of course but those that deal with the main plot are actually quite few suspended animation has to be one of the best methods for realistically depicting time travel and while some decisions of cocktail can be seen as stupid coming from a societal leader considering the world's state he could easily be naive or drunk with power one gripe i must say i had is that sandra bullock has some pretty dry line deliveries but fortunately her trying and failing to emulate the 90s matched pretty well with her acting ability in this movie overall demolition man is a cheesy action flick with a pretty smart sci-fi paint job all flavors of things i love with too few flaws for me to be too hung up on easily earning five naked phone calls out of five the fact is this film flubbed back when it was first released the reason for that i think has to do with the way it was pitched to audiences this film is not a classic action sci-fi genre blend but rather a comedy satire that deconstructs both the peaceful future utopian society setting and the action hero stereotype to great effect die hard action fans both literally and otherwise will no doubt be put off by this but for me demolition man secures four solid swaro-meter citations out of five i'd recommend it for fans of action and comedy it's honestly not the easiest film to riff as it spends a good amount of time making fun of itself thank you all for watching i've been decker what this isn't over yeah it is i'm just about to roll credits you know what i mean the comic well thank you all for watching i've been decker shadow and remember don't make promises to creepy that you only maybe can keep [Music] your repeated violation of the verbal morality statute has caused me to notify the san angeles police department please remain where you are for your own land yeah right [ __ ] are fast too

Channel: Decker Shado

Views: 223,629

Keywords: decker, shado, reviews, demolition, man, action, movie, review, that, long-haired, creepy, guy, crossover, manic, expression, sylvester, stallone, wesely, snipes, sandra, bullock, science, fiction, time, travel, 1993, Demolition Man (Film)

Id: W9BYw6MWu1M

Length: 39min 37sec (2377 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 11 2013