Dear Future Wifey S4, E414 - Love God First (Reign B)

what led to this moment of brokenness where you had to go search for identity well i think a lot of things led to that um but one in particular that i would say was um just like i said different having not having a solid understanding of what does it mean to date like you know a lot of people and this was me too because you know a lot of people don't understand that dating comes with an agenda of god i am on a journey to discover uncover and recover love life is about helping others dear future wifey has been doing exactly that you stated that women are to present and not to pursue it has given us a road map on how relationships were meant to be by god there are still black men who love the lord and their end goal is marriage thank you for teaching me how to stay lit how to be intentional and transparent you read your letter i cried just got married two months ago and i'm listening to the podcast off to stay married letteris r whitfield and this is season four these dating streets on the deer future wifey podcast welcome to the deer future wifey podcast i'm your host letter s r whitfield listen i am so excited to keep on moving forward in these dating streets man this is the month of march this is my birthday month my birthday is at the end of the month so i'm really excited about the guests guys going to bring on the podcast this month but listen before we get started are you still shacking up with us come on y'all let's make a commitment and subscribe we're still on the go to hit 100k subscribers by april the 15th that's our two year anniversary we're at 85 500 subs shout out to all y'all thank you all so much listen the people who watch us a lot of times i have a tendency to forget about the people that listen to us on apple podcasts and google podcasts and uh digest our content from an audio perspective hey what you can do is make sure that you uh give us those stars on the podcast on apple podcast leave a review that's how we'll be able to uh make the podcast start trending so uh thank you all so much all the dm's i've been receiving about how life-changing this podcast has been well today i have an exciting guest i've been watching this brother on instagram a couple of you have reached out to me and said can you please get this brother on the podcast and uh god saw fit uh he decided to bless me with this brother to to bless us on the podcast so without further ado welcome to the dear future wifey podcast my new homie wayne b what's up homie what's up bro i am excited to be here man and i just want to say thank you for the opportunity i know i know i know that some jokes were made like man well the joke that's made is that uh i reached out to him a couple of months ago when we first started these dayton streets and uh he just curved me hey come on okay he didn't in his defense he don't look at his dms a lot right well he curved me see i tried to give him a way out so the problem is he didn't respond and then someone reached out to me and said hey can you get him i said forget him forget him i don't care about him i was in my feelings you know and then yeah i'm gonna reach out to him one more time yeah and then i and i dm them uh about a week ago yeah and then and then he responded by god's grace i stumbled across it i said praise the lord yeah because man i'm really sorry about that i'm i'm working hard to make sure i answer dm's because a lot of people um appreciate it good there are a lot of people who are um you know who are um really on this on this journey to find out what it means to be one of god and um i'm just really excited that um you reached out to me i'm here to just fellowship enjoy spread some light spread some truth hopefully someone gets touched with today's uh discussion so right you're like man forget all this no i love it because in our conversation i had a conversation with you the other day and i said are you in the market for looking for your future wifey and what did you say i said nah i'm not i mean i'm in the place of preparation i mean that i'm in that boat stage amen you see what's really beautiful about boaz was he was intentionally doing his work he was working and he wasn't necessarily looking for anyone he was doing his work serving god and really being an asset in the in the community because hey he was loaded yeah he was paid he had that bread yeah he was loaded but most importantly he was an important figurehead in the community and they respected him and god was definitely pleased with the way he was stored in his blessings so you know that's just in the state that i'm in just being intentional and providing value in the body of christ to where we can grow to really understand what it means to be one with him so today's episode i decided to call this episode love god first hey love god first because you said hey listen i'm doing my work i'm studying i'm building the foundation for my future wifey but it has to start with you first and um and the foundation that you're building with god uh let me ask you this how important is it for the woman that god brings into your life to have a solid foundation with god it is there is no word to describe it okay i made a recent reel and i said okay everybody wants to be booed up you want to find your one you want to be booed up you better be booed up with the lord first man you better get in in relationship with him first is super excuse me it's super important to be with the lord first because one it establishes identity yes it brings true identity because if you don't know who you are and you get connected with someone else how in the world can you fulfill the vision of god it's not gonna work talk about it it's not gonna work so i know you know um the word is telling us that you know we need to help me i'm talking about this man yeah i mean yeah help me look man if i don't know where i'm going why am i bringing you along where we going to go blind leading the blind it's not going to work so it's really important for me to know who i am and also for my future wifey to know who she is so when she gets on the team we're moving forward the law coming soon got time to waste man the lord's coming soon we gotta fulfill this thing so ray what do you think about what about if uh you met a woman that had good moral character yes uh wasn't saved do you feel like she could be your assignment to get her saved and then marry her no i'm out no i'm not man i'd have been in that trap baby i'm up man what happened right now look man i've been look i didn't did everything nah i'm good to keep it a hundred man to keep it he said nope i'm good to keep on maxing pain when i said that i'm gone the thing is we as believers have to reach this point where we understand who we are yeah we always say who we are because identity is the biggest issue yeah if you know who you are you cannot be unequally yoked yeah it won't make sense don't and then the problem is we try to save somebody and in the midst of you saving somebody you fall come on it's from the plan that devin knew what he was doing he was you setting you up you fell for it so i fell for it so i'm good i rather go in with intention are you you were on the same page yeah let's move instead of i don't know um i feel like i feel like you know every time i'm with them i don't really feel a connection with the lord but i know one day yeah you're over hoping and wishing and praying that they changed um so when you say that the the wifey that you believe god has in store for you do you feel like it's gonna be somebody that's involved in ministry at a certain level yeah man let me tell you let me tell you these beautiful qualities amen because one thing i strongly believe in is establishing your values know exactly what you want that's another problem that we have in the dating scene yeah people don't know what they want so they're shooting shots at anything and you get something like man i don't like this well you you don't want you for everywhere man you gotta be intentional so i mean with that said uh values are very important number one she has to be a woman of of of of god and what i mean by a woman of god doesn't mean she has to be going around preaching that just means what's like i said earlier she has her identity with christ already there's an established relationship yeah i don't have to beg her to come pray with me i don't have to beg her like you know what i mean like there's already a mindset of we're moving as one first of all the lord said the two shall become one yes amen so we becoming one you may be one with him first talk about it you talk about it so that way he's at the centerpiece and he can direct our past decision-making is easier because we we yield to his voice but if i'm the only one you into his voice yeah you want to spend money on that fendi on that pro look man look right now we're saving yeah yeah but long story short i just need a woman who understands that um understands the value of of hearing god speak to her a man has that relationship and then secondly prayer man prayer prayer why why is prayer so important man oh my god cause these demons ain't playing talk about it this demons didn't play and when you get into a union to uh when god unites you with someone it's for a purpose there are assignments god allocates assignments for everyone and it's sad to say some people hit the grave and they haven't completed it yeah it's very hard to say but it's the truth that happens all the time happens all the time hard to say what happened all the time yeah it happens all the time it's because people people they live their life for fun you know i'm just having fun and i had a conversation with one of my close friends and her whole life is just built on i'm just having fun you know it's just fun and then i was like well you just become the fun girl and and instead of being someone to purpose someone that that first of all you got to know your purpose in order for you to be able to carry it out and then if you don't have no purpose then someone else will give you your purpose so whatever god that you're dating your purpose will now be to serve him your purpose is now to cater to him your purpose uh for him is just uh to be some woman that he has sex with and go do whatever you want you're the common denominator though right there's no identity there it is purpose is always linked to identity talk talk about it the those two are combo you cannot separate them you cannot separate them in the beginning god said that he made you in this image right it says that let us make man our own image and likeness right yeah and his here's the sauce here's the sauce baby you go to genesis 2 27 and then the spirit the word of god says that he breathed into us right yeah that is the essence of god literally in you yes what what like bro yeah you gotta know who you are so if you know that god and this is god man i know i always put an emphasis because people don't get the weight yeah man yeah this is god literally in you yes his values his his mindset his his ways of of moving are in you why in the world would you settle for homeboy with no no character no quality yeah yeah you don't even no vision no direction no purpose just come on you know what what's so dope about that it just illuminated when you said that god breathed into man yes um and when i went through foster care training they had us do uh cpr and we had to get certified in cpr but the beauty of breathing into someone that is uh that is lifeless in this moment and the breath that you put into them um creates their heartbeat or recreates their heartbeat by pumping and whatnot breathing in them yeah and then and then uh chest compressions and it's like wow the fact that that's what god did for with us at the very beginning that he breathed into us and brought us to life and that breath still exists in us until the day that we take our last breath come on you know and god's breath is so sustainable that he breathed into us at the very beginning of time and then oh that's right he breathing dust at the very beginning of time and then every time a child is born it's that breath i i love it because the the doctor starts smacking the baby and then boom they're breathing or crying or whatnot but that breath carries us all the way some of us get 20 years 30 40 50 60 110 years whatever those years are that breath that god breathed into us lasts all the way into the day we take our last breath and we always hear we hear liken to that until we take our last breath but it's really god's last breath in us that we and we release it and then we go hopefully to be with him yes yeah i mean that's such a beautiful analogy man and i think when people start understanding the value of being connected to the source yes it can really help you even just dating-wise yes because a lot of times when we get into this whole dating scene they don't understand that there's a guide there's a comforter there's a counselor you have a personal instructor giving you the cheat code on who's your potential boo go talk about it you have someone right there living in you but then you neglect his voice you neglect his promptings you get that gut drop you say i don't know right that gut drop is man that's that's him saying uh don't go there man cause he seems like he's the one but he's not the one but you don't listen and then you still take action and then you cry later i'm not i'm not bashing all my beautiful queens out there who's trying to serve god i'm just letting you know that the lord the lord is very intentional about this 100 he's very intentional about it you know he was intentional when he sacrificed himself so we can be one with him that's how much so whenever he wants you to be one with someone else you have to know the weight yeah you have to know the value of that so i was talking it's interesting i was talking to my boy ceno who i called yesterday to help us out in production and do the switching for today's episode and i was like where are you at right now emotionally and spiritually or whatever and he was like i just need to take a break and get myself together and i said that is the most beautiful thing that a man can ever say because when he understands that he needs to take a break and get himself together because what happens is if if if you don't do the work ahead of time you just go into the next relationship and you break the next person and then you break the next person and then you say all these women i mean they're just crazy these are crazy women no you are the common denominator between all of these women and you have destroyed these women and blaming them for it for for the night that you stabbed them with so so that's why i respect him so much when he said i just i got to i got to get myself together over there i resonate with that you know what's crazy that's what happened to me in the summer of 219. that's what happened to me you know i was really i was reaching the place i keep highlighting identity because it's linked to everything it is everything flows from that perspective of who you are so i had an identity crisis man um situation shifts for sure you know we talked about some situations relationships um not understanding just just even just this lifestyle of work come home i mean was is there more is there more to have kids and then die like what's up come on lord i know i know this that's why you're breathing to me go work pay bills you got that part yeah oh yeah yeah we're gonna make that part yeah like it can't be and then to put it on top of that you know you're just in the constant a constant uh stressful mindset of where did that come from oh hey look no bashing on ancestry.com you do your thing yeah but i need to know the re like where am i from where am i from and so it really hit me like okay i need to take a step back i only know who i am so if i'm over here trying to have a relationship and i have no idea or no clue of what makes me rain like why why do i say i'm rained where's that name derived from amen so having that setback i was in my prayer closet for three months no social media no no people i mean obviously yeah but i won't go out i don't do any of those things and so i did that for three months and that's when i was able to disc excuse me discover what's in genesis that's when i was able to discover uh first first corinthians 6 17 that whoever's joined with the lord is one spirit that's when i was able to connect with him and understand this is relationship and that's why i was able to understand look man he got the best for me yeah i don't talk about it i don't see my boob he got the best for me all right so it brings confidence when you're in that solid place with him to know that man christ's in me yes christ in me he said he look what he said he said that i've given i've come that you might have life and have it abundantly that's an abundant life man he ain't no minuscule life nah no life of struggling with bills and this that no no an abundant life means that the richness of god is overflowing in you yes yes so that means what is spiritually mentally financially emote the richness of jesus ain't never stressed baby i just i always say that he was on that boat knocked out yeah when the storm was going so rain let's let's unpack this what led to this eye-opening experience what led to this moment of brokenness where you had to go search for identity well i think a lot of things led to that um but one in particular that i would say was um just like i said different having not having a solid understanding of what does it mean to date like you know a lot of people and this is me too because you know a lot of people understand that dayton comes with um an agenda of god so when he unites you two it's for a specific purpose so when you just dating you know just it's just whatever you know it feel good we was having fun he was fun right so that led to a lot of um arguments that i needed um that led to a lot of uh um so i like to put it this way if the other person doesn't know who they are and you don't know who you are that that thing that's the resume for this house messed up it's messed up cause you can have fun for the first five six months and i can be partying i could be yeah you know what let's go in the christian field let's let's keep it home let's stay home you're not partying you're having bible study you're having a good time but at the same time you'll know why you're together see what i'm saying why why why is the lord brought us in this very place together for what purpose what's the vision for this relationship you know what i mean yeah so anyways i never had that i was never doing that yeah yeah amen and so and then obviously with situation shifts when there's no purpose in the foundation you know you feel like you're cheating on your future wife you know what i mean you feel like man uh like um talk about it let's go there can we go down cross my list get personal i have i have a journal i haven't i've shot at mama she only know about this but you know what i'm saying this is just just being real i have a journal for my future wife i have a journal and i write to her i write to her and in those days where i was not you know i'm saying fully 100 with the lord i literally wrote there i'm sorry like i was doing what i'm doing right messing up and you know you know with sin sin is so interesting because you go through this thing with sin you know what you're doing you have to literally you have to think about god to get him out of your mind does that make sense you have to think about god to get about you you do oh that right there you gotta let that simmer a little bit because we're connected to god so much as a believer that you have to actually say god forgive me oftentimes you say god forgive me for what i'm about to do so it's like you literally have to think about him in order to be like hey a guy please don't convict me in this moment i want to have this moment without you yes let me let me turn up a little bit i'll come back to you don't let me die in my sin let me tell you something i took some trips before and i'd be like lord please don't let me let me make it out of here alive please don't let her be pregnant yeah please oh those moments right there lord please don't let him be pregnant please don't let him be praying lord please don't let me pray but you about to do it yeah yeah you see what i'm saying or you already did it you're saying god give me grace oh help me holy spirit give me grace in my sin right now because god i did it i know you told me not to but if you please let me make it through this i won't do it again then you do it again if you let me do this again i won't do it again 12 hours later 12 hours later five days later dude it's nine months later man when i tell you if we we play this russian roulette with our with grace we play russian roulette with grace um that's that's deep we play russian roulette with grace that's deep man and okay how do we fix this because we know it's happening we know what's happening in the church you know what's happening outside the church don't matter where people want to be they want to uh walk with god yes but they're having that hard time you know what i'm saying really just being submitted to his will and yielding to him see that's the key word is submission submission is because i find myself in that same struggle as that i can be submitted for a season so to speak and then my idiosyncrasies will rear up and be like man this ain't working this is taking too long this ain't manifesting what i thought would be manifested at this time yeah i need to go ahead and do me for a little bit and then i'll do me for a little bit and then i'll be like god i don't like this because i feel like i'm not operating in my highest self so let me get back to my submission but then it's like this tug of war and so even in my own life i try to reconcile when will like what is like what is the human quality that we have naturally the propensity that we have just in our own personality versus the total submission of god where we become some lower form of deity so to speak because we still struggle with our own personalities you know what i'm saying like i'm one of those people that sex was a huge issue for me but i didn't even know it was an issue it was like i just love sex yeah and then i and then i would look at myself and say oh well at least i don't do these sins you know what i'm saying i don't do this everybody yeah i ain't doing what they're doing don't do this yeah i do this but at least i ain't doing all of that you know what i'm saying so it would be me relegating my sin level to think that i get some cool points with god because i don't see it in every single way i'm saying yeah so it's it's i think it's a it's a constant paul calls it my thorn in my flesh and so it's a thorn in my flesh uh my sexuality and my desire and propensity uh that leads towards fornication is a thorn in my flesh yeah um and so and and even when i read that scripture i was like well god did you just put that in me to keep it like is that to keep me struggling or to keep me humble or to keep me on my knees pressing towards you like like that thorn in my flesh is something that also keeps me where i'm more understanding of other people exactly you know and i'll be like man listen hey you can connect you can i'm sorry because no no you didn't i want to jump in yeah like you can connect you can relate you can be able to understand what someone is going through but what what you're saying is really really hitting home because a lot of times people give up there but we have to understand that this is a this is a process sanctification is a process even mind renewal it's a daily process yes so whenever you're having this urges i keep it a honey man yeah you got man you could spend three hours with the lord in the morning right you sit up there and you you slide out slide out in your mind man let me tell you something this this these single streets ain't no joke i'm trying to tell you and i just talked about it one day i said i don't know what happened in these winter months but these winter months got lonely yeah it was cold i was like why and i'm telling you you're you're 20 you're about to be 27 right so baby yeah march 15 me and him we we we birthday month twins um the cool thing about it is you're 27 but you're doing the work early to prepare the mindset and the heart set for your wife yes um because we always talk about a mindset but we don't never talk about the heart set for you to have a heart submitted to god that will keep you submitted to your wife um and that's why i want to talk to you because i was like this brother right here is literally doing youtube videos and instagram videos where you have your mom and you y'all having prayer and bible study and stuff like this and i was like this is an interesting dynamic you know like first of all something really beautiful in it uh in the essence of you being open enough to share that that moment with your mom um because that's a beautiful covering um do you feel this is a good question do you feel like the atmosphere that you set with your mom would make you come off more as a mama's boy never why not absolutely not see she ain't for me she for me because she doesn't understand the value of of having a covering and how special it is for your mother to be the covering that's why i want you to say that they don't they don't if oh man let me get in this thing come on because another thing to understand is i know my values i don't need anyone to come here and validate what my values are we just need to find are we compatible like do you do you resonate with these values how can we move forward with this i don't need anyone because what's happening here is lives are being transformed talking people being trans people are being renewed man we had this we had a night of glory right it was a conference we put up and the second session of the night of glory i mean deliverance took place i'm talking about like laying their hands old-fashioned when i said i missed those moments our churches have gotten so watered down that man man look man we got into this thing and i love that my god the way god is positioned and because the ministry we have i'm sorry to even introduce we didn't introduce it the ministry my mother and i run is called lifestyle with jesus ministries and the vision of that ministry is to disciple the believers to become one with god so in the process of becoming one with god you still might have some demons come through we get them out amen so so anyways in that in that night of glory session right i love how god has structured everything because she remains my covering and the blessing flows from the covering that side flows that's how that that's i mean even pertaining to marriage um your husband is the covenant yeah god is your covenant it flows it flows that way so first off supposed to honor your mother and father so your days are longer yeah this thing is just biblical yeah so if she comes through she don't understand the value of having a a mother as your covering a leader a pastor and then on top of that you're slain these demons man hey man i don't know what's wrong with you you said that you said that when i asked you to be on the podcast what you say to me i said i said oh yeah i said hey let me give her my mother because she's my covering she's my pastor and we'll see you know see what we can do yeah and i understand it yeah so i understand that on a high level just because of that's just i just understand it from a biblical standpoint yes but the fact that i would love to have a blessing and support on it because at the end of the day if she what she did granted you uh her blessing to even come on here i thought she was gonna come with you because i'm sorry shout out shout out to the pastor yeah i wanted you to be on here i was gonna have you come in the second session of it the second half and talk about the importance of a mother being active from a biblical standpoint yeah in um their children's life um so yeah man so um when did y'all actually start doing this together well we started this in a 2018 at uh you know at our home and uh it started off with just like immediate family members you know maybe like my brother my sister this and so forth and so it really took an online presence when we started doing youtube on in 2020 in the summer and you know hey it's keeping the honey you know yeah it was like five hours of editing man like you i put on the suit i still got it i mean i put on the suit you know i do all my thing and she's like uh honey make sure you just edit the video the way it's supposed to be and i'm like man edit the video man okay let me just put it out wrong man got time for that but she's she's a woman of excellence yeah so i edited the video i'm learning this editing game yeah boys it took me like six eight hours to edit one video one one video and then so we did all that i do it and so essentially we're getting like you know low views you know yeah one two views so yeah that can discourage anyone all day especially when you do eight hours trust me i was there come on so what god did so beautifully i got stressed a little key i'm just keeping the hell no no no and i'm more of a live person i really love just engaging i love just life stuff like this is awesome yeah so i said you know what let's just take this on instagram and i just went ahead and got just started going on live and that started growing because it's raw it's just live yeah i mean and the present started growing i said mom come on boy look at this look at this look are you doing that by yourself without her well we stopped i started oh you going on instagram no no i do with her like the lies right the bible study yeah of course yeah so you were doing it with her and you're just basically saying yeah look at that look at how it is zach well i started off there like maybe maybe six or so without because she was in school at the time so she couldn't really come and really partake in it but i said look get out of school man the the people are hungry for the word man we need we need to get this word out man so long story short no no no she graduated though shout out congratulations to go back to school that's beautiful yes yes yes so a long story show we started that and they really took a huge online presence we started doing reels and um i started doing reels and the reels were just really me engaging in the word of god dissecting what god was speaking to me and sharing with the world and then when it resonated with people they were comments you know shared this that and so forth i said you know what man let's stop the real let's let's let's really talk you know i could see you're hungry so let's really dive into the word so i'm really about i really really love the word and that's why i said the ministry is about discipling people because that's an element that we're missing in the body of christ right now because so many people go to church and you feel good but then you're back throughout the entire week you're not fulfilled talk about it throughout the entire week you're still in that backwards cycle so you come back to get fueled up again one more time yeah let's go for another run pastor you get and then they give you a good message a feel-good one okay okay that's good it's good yeah and if it's not enough for the week you said that message wasn't hidden what's the head that's the word what you mean you're not hitting you're not comprehending it's the word man the word has the power to transform the posture of our hearts that's being attentive to the word that can transform us it's always going to be the word it never changes so don't matter if an old man's saying it if a five-year-old is your worst the living word it would never run out never dry out it would never be oh man i'm tired no no it's the word and it has power to transform so when y'all started doing instagram what year uh that was yeah that was actually the summer uh everything this summer now who got got for this summer man but uh it was the summer of 2021 i believe during the painting yeah doing a pandemic man um and y'all grew that thing to how many subscribers i mean followers it's about a hundred and twelve k i just want you to say that 112k in less than a year yeah it's that people are so hungry for the word of god that they will watch this mother and son duo yeah speak the word of god share the word of god study the word of god to the tune of 112 000. and check this man they're so hungry we're on this app called the vibely app at the moment and i'm telling you it's called what settings uh you know like but yeah it's vively but on top of that there are over 1 000 people hungry for the word of god this is like a community there's a community of people who are hungry and they get in there and we started the bible plan we just launched it uh we just launched it actually yesterday march 1st and i'm telling you when you go through the comments section i'm like these pastors right here these are leaders these are pastors they are hungry man the lord is coming soon yeah very very soon so we need to be positioned as a church to start dominating here on earth and that's financially that is moving in the in the direction of we should we should be the one educating the world how to date talk about it come on we gotta talk about it talk about it man we got the standards so if that's why i'm saying that it all derives from understanding your identity is being one with god when you understand that everything flows just just freely efficiently you can you can accomplish much with that understanding amen so you know that's just a hard cry in the ministry and we see a lot of people like the over 1 200 people who are there i mean the family members are just on fire for christ man on fire when i say i love it bro i i love it so again when now you know you're single your 20s about to be 27 years old yeah um these women i know you get a lot of women shooting they shot at you yeah yeah it's how do you deal with it it's quite a handful you know what's crazy i referred him back to the words yes sir i refer them to the word you know what's great just i mean it's a sister in christ you know you know what i'm saying it's probably the tournament almost who knows you know i'm saying sometimes like i understand so you know she kind of looked cross the line a little bit just like i really really like i really like you you know what i mean i'm really trying i said i'm not dating right now like but you know i really i really like you oh my gosh so i said like she's not getting it cause i'm not dating right now for real but i said i really really really like you so wayne what was she trying to say and then and then how did you how did you interpret it so i told her i said look we'll focus on the word in this ministry like i'm not in the position i'm not in that mindset to date i'm not in that place of dating i'm focused on building the church that's my mindset on be disciplining you yeah to get you out of that mind but at the end of the day i understand the frustration i understand emotions i understand um just being a human being yeah some days you just wake up you just man i'm telling you man there was one time i prayed for three i'm telling him i prayed for a while and i felt good came out of that prayer closet just an urge like bro what is this what is confidence the devil man where'd this come from because man i'm telling you it we're human beings we're always gonna desire so we just have to channel that energy or that uh that that desire through the eyes of god getting married bro well people don't understand this uh intimacy is intimacy all the way around yes so if i'm having spiritual intimacy with god it's still waking me up on an intimate standpoint and so i remember watching the interview where uh kirk talked about his struggle with pornography yeah that's my homeboy and he was on oprah and he said that after he got off the stage you know big concert he's running to the to the um to the hotel to go look at porn wow what happens is from a spiritual standpoint you've opened yourself up spiritually and so and it's crazy because from the demonic standpoint yeah a lot of their um their seances and religious things is a sexual action anyway exactly as they're worshiping whatever gods that they worship and satan and all that stuff but it's very sexual yeah because they we don't talk about how blended those experiences are and when we say i want intimacy with god i want to go into the chamber room of god in the secret place of god in the holies of holies is is so synonymous with our sexual experience exactly and so that's what i wish that we can uh and i'm still deep diving into this discussion of understanding what that is is because the more intimate you become with god um the more intimate you'll find yourself wanting and yearning that from a fleshly perspective okay and so it just it goes to that point because you'll be like oh god you're laying it all out and you just desire it it's annoying too man like okay this uh man this is how the anointing works sometimes the noise stirs up everything yes it does everything it does that's just it's just that's just god yep god wakes up everything you know what i'm saying he's not gonna be waking up your flesh no he's he's a spirit yeah the things that are holy righteous and good he wakes that up now you you just have the anointing on you so if you're if your mind you're not constantly renewing your mind yeah if you're not in that position of knowing the uh your identity in christ everything wakes up yeah yeah yeah everything wakes up and so that's why you find yourself you know i'm saying someone can preach your fire sermon sermon was just like you came back everybody's like past them yeah god you know what i mean like that hit and in your heart man leave me alone i just want to go home and you know what i'm saying right it's real yeah it's real i had an episode with pastor conway about the abstinence episode and i told him uh on the episode that i said i had something lined up after church i was business church and i said i get out your church i got somebody i'm going to have sex with and uh and i did amen and so i told him that that's what i did man it's like he like this joke is just so real because i am going to always keep it 1 000. yeah and so that's what i did yeah you know and later on that year which is about 12 months later i ended up taking a vow to abstinence and whatnot which was 2020 of december uh and even that's a struggle you know what i'm saying yeah and so the reality is that and that's what i'm and the interesting thing and that's why i said i'm gonna do an episode towards the end of this where i want to bring uh a sex therapist a pastor and a doctor we're gonna talk about yo abstinence that's fire we're gonna talk about what happens from a physical standpoint and as we increase in age age um how hormonal we become because i have real conversations with some of my home girls and my homeboys about the struggle i'm 40 i'm about to be 44 at the end of this month that's abnormal to try to practice abstinence in this age because the reality is you're supposed to be theoretically worried you're supposed to be having sex sitting up here over here talking about i don't want to masturbate today no the the the struggle should that should not be my testimony at this point i should be married and been and having lots and lots of sex that's just what it's supposed to be but what happens is we don't talk about that it's like literally struggling as an adult talking about okay let me let me not tell you yeah that was supposed to mean like when you're young teenagers that's your teenage struggle yeah you know what i'm saying and then typically you get married at a younger age especially in our you know the generations before us they were getting married at 18 and 19. so they're not sitting over here talking about i'm trying not to masturbate at four to four years old you know what i'm saying that only makes sense it just sounds crazy that's the stuff you tell little kids you know what i'm saying but what happens with the more you prolong life and normal uh and no matter what you wanted that's why i said i can't wait to get into the discussion with these professionals but no matter what your body is hormonally going through changes women you can't stop menopause it's going to happen your biological clock they say is ticking because there's something that god placed inside of us that whether you want to rebuke it pray against it whatever it's still moving forward i'm buying up this in the name of jesus no you you know your clock is still ticking yeah you know what i'm saying now god's grace can allow you to have kids later on in life and what you know what not because god is not subjected to a timetable exactly but it's still physically now you're already in the in the stage where it's a high-risk pregnancy exactly because of you know what i'm saying so it's it's it's all the stuff that we don't really talk about that i want to deep dive into and say now let's really talk about something you know we can we can play church we can we can do this all day but now we got to really talk about the raw and authentic it's just it's it's real man because we need that in the body of christ especially in these last days what's happening these last days is there's gonna be like a camouflage man yeah where everything would seem like it's okay to do yeah based upon the world's principles and standards yes but we're not with that yeah the sooner we can say okay look man in the church right now look i'm struggling with this addiction i'm struggling with this yeah like this is what i'm going through right now yes let's tackle this thing and not talking with people who are judgmental not talking with people they're going to look down on you but even even to okay even to go to a trusted uh friend in christ and say look let's fast for this thing yes let's pray for this thing and then also seek resources obviously to help combat that but the main emphasis is let's not neglect the power of the holy spirit talk about it because man paul talked about how you know i'm saying you know people say what paul said what paul said man look he said in the word that some of the believers they used to be fornicators they should practice homosexuality they should do all those things he said but you used to yeah you used to do those things yeah because the power of the holy spirit is renewing your mind yes it's a mind renewal all this let me tell you this thing man let me tell you how the devil works especially when you're tempted because temptation is just a it's it's you take the veil off there's no temptation is you but this is what happens what happens is the devil brings in a false picture a nice green beautiful land a nice beautiful body a nice beautiful image that just makes you feel like oh my goodness like man bro if i get that oh my goodness look look at his pecs look at this you know what i'm saying like for the ladies yeah no i'm saying but long story short you know where you're going some being looking at the pace is that that's what's happening so what's going on is he brings this false image for you to feel like that's going to bring you so much uh joy joy happiness belongingness all that stuff right i just got to do and sometimes the weight of that like it's the spirit behind that thing like i'm telling you man you could be in prayer come out and it's such a urge where you you holding yourself yeah like yeah because yeah you have to understand this is spirit behind this thing long story short it's a mind renewal so you have to understand that the holy spirit lives in you yes he's giving you authority over what happened with cain before keynes went ahead and went yeah before he looked at able like this i'm a kid [Laughter] the lord told him that sin is crouching at your door yeah but you have power over him yeah he told him you have dominion over it so we have dominion over it shouldn't rule over us yeah this knows the right way he said you should rule over it yeah so essentially that mindset of you live in me yes i am not going to be a slave to sin first of all i'm not just an object to be used by the enemy whenever i want and then whenever he gives what he wants i'm left like oh i'm sorry lord i'm left depleted of my relationship it blocks it it's short short circuits my my uh my connection my next breakthrough and then on top of that it just inhibits you from moving forward to reaching for instance talk about it if you want to if you want to reach and be with that man of god that you so much desire but you're struggling with these sins i'm not trying to say he's not gonna pull up but how would the lord feel if you're bringing he's prepared he's ready he's solid he's trying to do his thing and you pull up with the garbage it's not it's not going to work it's not going to work yeah i mean of course you you guys can come together he can bring healing all that but the lord would rather you take authority over this thing that is creeping up at 1am every time amen and say i'm gonna sit you down you're not about to ruin my future marriage because you're gonna bring this into the relationship and you're gonna destroy this thing yeah you sit it down you take it seriously like you take school seriously like you take your job seriously like you take every other thing that comes to life seriously if they're telling you right now are we gonna pay you an extra five hundred dollars you just pull yeah yeah just say hey um let's deal with this sin jesus died for me you see what i'm saying like we have to take this thing seriously take it seriously question uh before we wrap up where uh what's your nationality what's your ethnicity i am cameroonian cameroonian yeah yeah i have my buddy uh elsa on here um who was she's from cameroon she's a therapist what yeah and she had a monster episode yes one in five this woman has an amazing testimony was sold in the sex trafficking uh grew up in the foster care system uh like that's that's that's one of my sheroes like she is amazing i look at her strength and i'll be like wow and the grace that she has even for the people who have abused her she's just like listen god forgive them for they know not what they do my goodness i was like hold on these people did you like this knowledge she was like i i don't i don't carry that burden no god bless you i forgive them and when she said that it released something in me to say i'm not gonna hold people uh not that i'll hold them accountable but you know you understand what they are you put them in that place and then you forgive them and move on and that's how she's been able to thrive uh and champion the causes that she finds near and dear to her um but yeah shout out to elsa amen elsa that's yeah that's phenomenal really really dope so you're from cameroon yeah born and raised i came here when i was uh came in when i was around nine years old and uh you know i stayed up north a bit and uh where you said norway dc yeah so in your culture do they prefer you marry a woman that's uh of the same no as long as as long as she has values as long as we we like i said earlier we're compatible with our values meaning that we know the importance you know value real the key word for value is really important what do you deem important to yes amen so what's important to me is my relationship with god and making sure that that's intact knowing i understand who he is to me and making sure that i understand that throughout everything that i do number two understanding that look prayer is that's my value uh that's my that's the way i communicate with god what's going on here and that's how everything flows number three family i have to understand that family is key we can we could we could do ministry do all that and then the whole family's broken what's up with that you know what i'm saying like you have babies for what you have kids for what you got to spend time with them yeah enjoy the value of of of of the importance yeah yeah of god giving you another person to to to uh to um to raise yeah it's a beautiful thing anyways um so it doesn't matter what nationality what person you know as long as they're a woman of value they'll excuse me women of faith and they have values in christ come through he said come through so i know you don't know the answer to this because you're still on your journey amen in your mind when do you think you'll be in the position and the mindset to uh start entertaining your future wifey you about to be 27. oh would you say uh you think you're on this journey for a year two years you think you'd be 30 years old and then you say i'm fine that's the thing i can't i can't put a timer she could pull up tomorrow you know what i'm saying oh snap what a coincidence i wasn't even thinking about you how lovely yeah yeah she could pull up tomorrow she won't you know if god and god agrees nah but in all in all seriousness in all seriousness it's with my personal walk with him and him giving me the promptings you know guys god will speak to you in different ways sometimes speak to envisions you can have vivid dreams yeah you can have the just the prompting in the spirit to know that you know what it's that season you might you you relocated your job out of nowhere they put you in this position i don't know you know what i'm saying like you just know that real yeah i talked to my my buddy courtney and isaac they were on the podcast this girl has relocated came to dallas at all places came to dallas to go to divinity school mm-hmm to follow her heart for ministry and then she connects with a purpose let's get in here baby you know what i'm saying it's like that's what i'm talking about baby it's like yes three months later they had a committed relationship that's just it's like that's it but it's and that's what i'm talking about when you said that that just resonated with you because you don't know how you're going to connect you'll be like right now i'm just following god i'm submitted to god and i believe that that's when god makes the person pull up in your life is when you become and it's not complacency it's contentment when you find yourself content with god and you're content with the relationship you have yes and and you're able to say this thing yes where you say you know god let thy will be done when you get to a place where it's not a chore to pray you're not you're not trying to fight to spend time with god you love your relationship then you can add someone to it because he knows that all you're going to do is just you get what i'm trying to say he says i'm a jealous god there shall be no other god before me so what happens oftentimes when we get connected to that mate or that person we go god ain't got time for you i got to put all my time over here and god like what yeah we're having we got a relationship for 40 hours and then now you get this person you have no time for me yeah and so i agree with what you're saying is that you get with that person you start spending first of all before that you spend an intimate time with god and you have this beautiful love relationship that's what this podcast is is god loving me um through this podcast because he said letters i want you to go ahead and do the work and i want you to do it publicly yeah which was a little nervous for me because i was like i'm going to be on here telling all my business that's why i was like when you hit me bro i love it though because god told me that god said i can't heal what you won't reveal i can't guide said i can't heal what you won't reveal and so and and you got to look at it because that's scriptural the bible says confess your faults one to another so that you may be what healed and so oftentimes we're so bound by sin because we're so afraid to reveal it wow and so the minute you become transparent and paul says i boast in my weakness to the point of not trying to turn up because oh i got this i got it all together i got this abstinence thing together no you boast in your weakness and be like man this is what i struggle with this is what i do this guy says now i can be lifted up because where you are weak i am made strong in your weakness and so that's why we have turn this thing we have to turn this thing upside down uh and the church has to do a better job on allowing people to have the same space to share in their weakness so that we can all grow together that's it that's it man you know we we have to cultivate that environment where we truly are family you know i mean some people don't they don't feel like it's family when they go to church yeah it's like an organization it's a structure you know what i'm saying it's like school part of 2.0 100 yeah that's we don't want that especially in this community that we're building we definitely want that my mom always said one thing that resonates in the depths of my spirit she says she never wants anyone a lifestyle to ever feel alone to ever feel alone but how many people in the body of christ right now your local church you're going to right now you dare sometimes you know we could be a mega church or a small church it doesn't matter you still feel alone people don't talk to other people after church there's no you so okay you in the church service someone sits next to you and then you spoke to him in the whole trip no no not even that you just screwed over a little bit like what come on just pre-cove it not even he said scoot over you know just like come on man that's the real thing like what you're gonna be doing in heaven scooting over too like i'm gonna get close to you yeah so we so that communicates something to other person of what's wrong with me yes you know what i mean and then automatically this friction in the spirit because even if you let me let you know what can i pray for you what's going on you know i'm saying you want to offer she it's not from a real place she feels like you're just doing your job yeah yeah that's good uh before we wrap up how can people connect with you oh man yeah you can connect with me on instagram i go by uh reign with jesus27 and also connect with our uh ministry page uh lifestyle with jesus global we are doing uh we're doing amazing work man um god is just like just flexing man that's he's just doing his thing he's just flexing on this thing and we give him all glory for what he's doing you can connect me on there you can connect on uh you can also connect with me on youtube i'm not on twitter that much i'm sorry so y'all put your youtube videos i mean i'll take the instagram videos as well we haven't done youtube in quite a bit we are focused on instagram right now because that's where the growth is yeah but i'm at the piggyback of you man i'ma tell you i shared the same experience that you had on youtube youtube is extremely difficult it's such a difficult thing and i remember the first three months i was like man i'm only getting like four or five hundred yeah yeah you know and by youtube metrics that's great but by me being on facebook originally putting content up and i'm getting like 2500 3 000 views i have a video that got 28 million views on on facebook yes it's a video idea because i should do a lot of random acts of kindness but i was like so i went to youtube thinking i'm gonna experience that same thing man what's going on what's going on with you yeah all right struggling to get 500 subscribers nobody man this is this is this is wacky i said do not grow weary and you're well doing for due season you shall reap if you faint not and he kept speaking that to me every time i kept saying man nobody ain't checking for me like i'm doing all this sitting up all night yeah to only give 500 views yup but you have a sim yes man i did that do not grow weary and you're well doing yes you shall reap if you faint not and then august came around and i hit 10 000 subscribers in one month it just it just started flowing and started going crazy and then it just been building up ever since then and so i just encourage you brother as you go ahead and you you repurpose that content or create new content put it on youtube amen and um and if you it's about consistency the more you're consistent with it just like you were and instagram of course is a different beast because they're right there like youtube is not a social media platform so um it's more content-driven but instagram they go oh they swipe oh they got oh they're live right yeah um which made me start going to instagram to promote my youtube but it was all strategic on how i just kept promoting pushing people to youtube yeah but yeah so it's great shout out to you your mom um for just covering you the way she does and building you up to be the man of god that you are that is priceless uh we don't have enough of that um that generation is dying off unfortunately because a lot of the parents um and the younger parents we decided somehow not to be so religious or not to talk about god so much and give our kids an option to go to church we ended you know they don't want to go to church they don't like going to stay at home you know what i'm saying back in our day you know you're getting your butt up you're going to go to church but we gave kids too many options so shout out to your mom for being that ride or die uh listen i want everybody to go make sure that y'all uh follow uh the instagram amazing content thank you for following man that's that's a major major one with god that's the whole brand yeah man i have a present for you okay what we got we got yes sir official one with god come on now and they're purple because you gotta look handsome man listen this purple is is perfect for me because kingdom royale is my uh boy's home for foster kids that i'm building wow and the color is purple uh it's called kingdom royale may the lord continue to increase your abundantly as you serve him because you are one with him love it love it love it thank you man yeah are these shirts available for purchase yes yes you can grab one at onewithgodlifestyle.com good and uh i'm telling you man it will bless you tremendously there there are many people who are who who have gotten it they got review we got reviews photos everything yes everything is up there for you good man yeah i love uh and and when i connect with a kingdom uh brother and sister i really push that we support because it's not just supporting it's actually sowing seeds i look at it as someone sees and just who you are and what the the great exploits you're going to do in the kingdom so uh keep doing what you're doing good grounds sow seeds in this brother and his mom's ministry what's the name of y'all's ministry lifestyle with jesus ministries and i'm telling you man i'm just excited i'm really really excited because even this opportunity to be here and share the word of god with you and just everyone who's available who's watching it's it's not i don't take it for granted yeah i really do not take it for granted because this is just god just letting me know that what he wants to do in this time even the dfw area it will be done yeah it will be done so i'm just really really grateful that um for giving me this uh platform to express the love of god and just show the glory of god so thank you man thank you for blessing us listen uh gosh i'm just so excited a good chance to talk to you because i've been wanting to talk to you i love what you're doing i love when i see it on here man yeah we got we're going we're going to bring up back we got to do that and another thing i got to visit y'all's like in-person service because i hear africans y'all pray like y'all worship like they say if you ain't never been to a worship service you go to an african experience well here's the thing so we're online online church right now because everything just blew up online and so it's crazy even mention that because when we even started the gofundme it's yesterday good we launched the gofundme yesterday because we're trying to get a church building here in the dfw yeah because i'm telling you the demand is high people want to get in the presence of god they they connect with the ministry so um yeah you're gonna be the man you're gonna first of all pull up you already know cause i wanna y'all be dancing y'all be jumping around like i don't know it's a georgia lord hey dave man be like david man oh yeah and dance out my clothes if i run around butt neck and then y'all church hold up you know in his entirety or what you want to do i run around naked you know what i'm saying in the church and praise god out of my clothes like david did then don't call the police home uh listen listen we had a whole lot of fun thank you all for watching the dear future wifey podcast man thank you for having me y'all give it up for my boy rayne awesome in the building yes sir glory to god ladarium thrusted suddenly into child protective services in 2015 my nephew black a boy the likelihood of being adopted outside of kinship slim to none armani 16 years old black a boy with five years in the foster care system before i even knew his name the likelihood of ever being adopted yep you guessed it slim to none [Music] while lidarian and armani were trying to survive and barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded foster care system i was living my own life doing well professionally having been a single father with a daughter who at that point was doing well in college it was my time to live my life right wrong i felt unsettled tireless agitated there are just too many of our black children stuck in ambiguity and in the limbo of the foster care system in 2017 i legally adopted my nephew ladarian fast forward to 2019 i had no ties to this other young king but i felt god instructed me to adopt him also and i obeyed starting over with parenting should have been enough right working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless young black kings in the foster care system should have decreased my agitation right joining the board of directors of advantage adoption an organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in foster care should have led to some type of resolve right no not at all none of it felt like i had done enough i now realize that every one of those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission kingdom royale kingdom royale will be a luxury state-of-the-art home for foster boys our first location will be in the dallas fort worth metroplex we will utilize the whole person approach that instills identity empowers them to advocate for themselves and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that they thought were impossible though the young kings will attend the local public schools that are in proximity to kingdom royale our at-home curriculum will broaden their world view through participating in the arts attending various cultural events learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and even relevant historical contexts introducing them to gardening and landscaping and even caring for our animals on our farm and on-site staples we just launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising 2.8 million dollars now why 2.8 million dollars well in 2017 i created a web series in which i performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community one of the most notable successes was that one of the videos went viral garnering 28 million views however one of my biggest regrets is that i didn't raise a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community so throughout the years with much remorse i reflected on not maximizing that moment i knew if at that time just 10 percent of the viewers donated one dollar we would have raised at least 2.8 million dollars that could have really established long-term support for the homeless community or at least started a long-term initiative to do so this is my do-over this is our new beginning together we can attack this at the root by specifically helping our homeless black boys who are already disproportionately represented in the american foster care system i'm the terrace r whitfield i've been nominated for three regional emmys documenting my work with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey despite those accolades the greatest award for me is truly providing the infrastructure for a transformed life visit kingdomroyal.com for more details crown a king and make a donation today let me start off by saying thank you so much to all of you who have been donating to kingdom royale i mean i get people sending checks for two thousand dollars um thousand dollars five hundred people been cash app and fifty dollars a hundred dollars twenty you know and it just shows the kind of heart that you guys have to be able to just plant a seed in a vision without i mean with no reservation just saying hey i want to plant a seed in this and that is very very uh humbling and i thank you so much i'll be sharing an update video on what's taking place and the amazing news that has transpired last month but listen thank you so much keep doing what you're doing now here's my favorite part of the podcast where i speak to my future wifey dear future wifey will i know you when i see you will the vibration of your voice reverberate in my soul and identify you as the one with a gentle touch from your hand as you playfully tap my leg while laughing at my jokes send shock waves to my heart and make it skip a beat will the sin of your favorite perfume coincide with mine and serve as an invitation to enjoy the fragrance of you forever well the dreams and goals you have make my face light up as a smile paints my face because we share the same aspirations will you speak to my soul and the ways it takes a linguist to decipher will your mere presence settle my soul and calm my fears will you be the one i prayed for will you finish my sentences because we're on the same page will you answer questions before i finish asking i'm on one knee will you your future hubby thank you for listening to the dear future wifey podcast remember be lit live intentionally and transparently and don't stop loving make sure to subscribe to our dear future wifey youtube channel we're available on apple podcast google podcast spotify and stitcher we welcome your support simply share our podcast with your friends and family

Channel: Dear Future Wifey

Views: 56,055

Keywords: dallas, love, podcast, relationships, black love matters, black men, Christianity, healing, weddings, marriage

Id: 9Djv258wzUo

Length: 68min 46sec (4126 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 02 2022