Dear Future Wifey S2, E215: PR For Love (Leah Frazier)

i will say the third engagement was plenty of fish and he lied about his entire existence on this earth this entire existence oh you got to unpack that you said he lied about his entire existence what what's this man what this man tell you and how did you get engaged with somebody that you just didn't know well we we dated for a year okay everything was a lot found out later was a lie and so once that happened i was like i ain't doing this online okay give me an example what did he lie about he lied about his job okay did he live locally he lived locally so at this time my first job out of law school was in houston so i was living in houston and i will admit now that i you know you go back and reflect like what was going on i was lonely my family's here in dallas okay i was in houston i was by myself i was working for this firm and there was nobody at the firm and so i did the whole well let me try this online dating thing because i'm going out i'm just not meeting my type i never imagined my journey would inspire people all over the world hello my name is nemai and i'm from zambia so i love the dear future wifey podcast for me to see people being so real so honest and so true about the real situations in life i am natalie from belgium and i would like to to say thank you i value your content because it is christ-centered you have set a standard in love dear future wifey podcast has um opened my understanding i highly recommend that everyone whether you're single you're married you're divorced you're widowed everyone to go follow this podcast continue with me as i discover uncover and recover love i'm the terrace r whitfield and welcome to the dear future wifey podcast [Music] welcome to the dear future wifey podcast i'm your host letterasr whitfield listen why haven't you subscribed to the podcast if you haven't subscribed can you please stop shacking up with us and hit that button and subscribe be sure to turn on your notification bell so that you'll be notified about upcoming episodes listen um these last couple of weeks in dallas well texas as a whole has been very trying and so uh allow me to apologize for not being with you for the last two weeks uh it was unexpected i've been trying to help my mom move into a new apartment one of her neighbors pipes burst and just had to go take care of mom still to this very day i'm without water and so i've been just filling up my little jugs from my office and taking it home and taking what we know as uh some people know it as a [ __ ] bath some people know it has a bird bath but it's a bath nonetheless ah come on somebody so uh but listen today i'm so excited to have a good friend on the podcast today she's worked with me on a project for as a pr uh let me just tell you this real quick this lady is so dope to me and so i'm gonna pull her out of her comfort zone and we can ask her some questions because she used to being on the other end of the spectrum and uh so without further ado she's the ceo of think three media a pr firm and welcome to the dear future wifey podcast my homie leah frazier thank you yeah yeah you could boiling water too and doing you was doing that you were doing that you don't hurt you so you do you call it [ __ ] bass you call it bird bass which one do you go by okay okay i mean it was like okay this is getting real see armani hasn't heard of that before he was like what i call it a bird bath i said you just do what you gotta do some people were putting buckets of snow in the bathtub yeah and i said okay lord please don't let that be my testimony but we did have i had it where the water was shut off and then when it came back on they recommended you know don't use what's coming out yeah they said it was bad and you need to boil the water we had a boiling water notice notice or whatever and it's it's interesting but see i grew up poor so that didn't catch me by surprise i used to always our water would be getting cut off our electricity got cut off so when i came back from l.a and um to witness what this one degree weather that we had i was like all right you know god has taught me how to abase and how to abound how to live with and live without so you're rich yeah yeah that's what ray's doing huh when you grow up poor you gotta do what you gotta do uh oh so listen lia i invite you on the podcast because you and i had this conversation get in my business and then broadcast it to the world pretty much pretty much pretty much but uh it was interesting because you and i just so when i invite people on the podcast it has to be something that happens organically so you and i have known each other for some years but on the conversation we had a couple of days ago you know we started talking about relationships and what i found interesting was your journey to um hopefully being connected to your purpose partner and i think you like most women who are dope in your own right uh amazing women you know it's a it's a struggle out here it's a struggle out here it's a struggle in these streets it's a struggle in these covet streets i told you it's it's a global epidemic uh these men not stepping up to the plate and um doing some stuff but we had a cool conversation that i want to dive into so today we're going to call this episode pr for love i can dig it pr for love we gonna call it pr for love because this is what you do for a living uh working with other people trying to connect them to get exposure for their businesses their business or their brand and so i think the what we try to do in our single life is we try to catch people's attention so that we can draw them to our brand in hopes of uh because that's what we do when we make a post and i and i talk to a lot of my single friends who make posts of food and they're cooking and saying that oh i'm cooking you know i'm cooking this meal and even though they may not be doing it trying to you know garner the attention of a male i notice it as a male and i go okay so if i chose that woman i get to eat like that or you know or you see a woman and she's sitting there and she's taking selfies and you can see the background of her apartment or her house or whatnot you go okay should keep a clean house or at least in this shot it's clean so if i got with her this is what i get a chance to experience and so you know that's that's that's what we do as as um that's our pr that's our brand that's true so let's talk about you how has your journey then as a single woman first of all let me ask you have you ever been married before i've never been married i have been proposed to three times three times six years i got three proposals some women waiting on one so that means you're doing something right to get three people to propose i guess they know i guess that's fact well okay men don't just run around proposing to people well okay i'm 38. okay so the first one was unofficial i like to say because it was with my high school sweetheart he had said look as soon as you come across that graduation stage it's a wrap and i already talked to your step-daddy we gonna go ahead and you talk to him i don't know if it really went down but he's like all right don't talk to your stepdaddy you know is this something we want to do we made an agreement and now i was looking forward to that and then things happen you know you go to college and in his case i guess the little shorties was hauling at him at his college i was in new york he was in ohio and so we had like a love and basketball story we were both athletes he graduated a year before me and so we stayed together and he was supposed to transfer to my school and of course loving basketball was huge then so i just saw our whole story like oh my god and it didn't happen it didn't happen he broke up with me on my birthday on your birthday yeah on your birthday oh my birthday well actually it was the next day it was like 12 17 a.m she remembered it that's how well we talked about trauma right yeah so it was traumatic because i didn't think anything was wrong with our relationship and i waited all day on my birthday for him to call i was like okay my teammates took me out we went to red lobster and they were like it's your birthday so hold on so what sport did you play basketball okay all right basketball so you're playing basketball and i'm running around i'm going to class and i'm looking at the the answer machine kiddos yeah they don't know about that they don't know about no answer see everybody don't know nothing answer machine and no call and i'm going back no call like all day long went to red lobster dinner with the with my teammates come back no call and i'm like what is wrong like what and then he finally called 12 17 and i was like where were you i was waiting on you it's my birthday and he says well technically it's not your birthday anymore now is it whoa savage move all right it was totally savage and then it was just you know don't think this is working and then we he ended up breaking up with me that day and all i can you know there was some red flags i would say that there was girls that were interested in him and he was calling me saying you know this girl wants to go to a movie is that cool i'm like i trust you i don't trust her why would you ask me to go to a movie with a girl by yourself and so i'm just thinking you know maybe there were some people that found him attractive and he took a chance and broke up with me and of course like i'm not going to put you in that category sometimes you know they kind of have a little regrets and so it just it is what it is so that was kind of unofficial one and then i had another one he proposed while i was in california i said yes and then at that time i was um about to take the bar to because so you went from new york and you started living in california i came back here and then i went to la for my last semester in law school okay and we had known each other from college and he proposed and i said yes i was like oh my god i'm so in love okay but i'm a realist what are we gonna do i'm in california am i taking the california bar am i taking the texas bar he lived in ohio at the time am i taking the ohio bar how are we going to make this work because this is my career and he freaked out when it came to the actual serious stuff and i'm like so you just want the fun stuff you want the wedding you want the the the pomp and circumstance and i'm trying to i'm a planner so i am trying to plan this thing logistically for my career and it just fizzled i was like i can't do this so how long did that last before it fizzled out um after he proposed after six months i was like i'm done actually six months because i was doing this tug of war of like hey let's sit down we've got to go through finally he was just avoiding it hey let's avoiding it like the plague and i'm like i'm not gonna marry anybody where we can't hammer out the hard stuff like this ain't even ours yeah yeah we ain't got to the hard stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah so then so fast forward now you're 38 what has dating look like through this process oh man um it's crazy i'm an entrepreneur and so um dating has been interesting i've always been the type of person where i feel like okay i'll just i can meet my husband wherever i can be at the grocery store but i'm also not the type where i'm just going to be leah so if i felt like going to sweats i'm sorry that's what you get you know so i just want to meet him and as natural as my element as possible yes um but i did have some friends saying well maybe you should try online dating but i think religiously i had it in my head where i was like i don't want to force it like i don't want to play the hand of god if i start doing dating apps and i've had some really bad experiences so hold on real quick because that's that's an interesting uh notion you said you don't want to quote unquote let's say manipulate the hand of god by being on date nap do you feel like that you still feel like that that that giving yourself exposure now remember you're in pr what you have to do is cast the net wide because in pr what do you do when you start working with a client you start sending out to people and seeing what news station or what radio station or whatever and find interest in that client story correct or do you just go just send it to one person and say if they don't like it then that's fine correct but i think i'm of the mindset too that i was kind of like in this these two different universes where it's like okay i came from where you could go to the grocery store and meet somebody or you could be at the club wherever it was and you could meet somebody just out in that type of way virtue versus okay now you really have to spend the majority of your time virtually yeah and i've i tried it unsuccessfully i will say the third engagement was plenty of fish and he lied about his entire existence on this earth this entire existence oh you got to unpack that you said he lied about his entire existence what's this man what this man tell you and how did you get engaged with somebody that you just didn't know well we we dated for a year okay everything was alive i found out later was a lie and so once that happened i was like i ain't doing this online okay give me an example what'd he lie about he lied about his job okay did he live locally he lived locally so at this time my first job out of law school was in houston so i was living in houston and i will admit now that i you know you go back and reflect like what was going on i was lonely my family's here in dallas okay i was in houston i was by myself i was working for this firm and there was nobody at the firm and so i did the whole well let me try this online dating thing because i'm going out i'm just not meeting my type right so we meet online everything looks great we start dating he's taking me out oh i did a terrible thing i let him move in like there it is he moved in but it was again it was based off of that oh lonely so we got we gotta check ourselves when we get like that right and he moved in and everything was great you know when you're waking up in the morning and the other individual's waking up and they're getting dressed and ironing their clothes thinking they're going to work they can't go to work you know many many moons later i'm finding out you we're driving down the same we're driving down westheimer in houston and you're just doing a big ue as soon as i i take i hit a right to get on 59. like i can't live he just turned back around came back to the house but let me trip you out okay so when i fir when we first started dating i met his best friend okay and his best friend's wife best friend's wife tried to pull me aside to give me to give you the game girl and he yanked me and pulled me back another direction like oh don't listen to her she's a hater and in the back of my mind i'm like there's something to this but you know i didn't yeah you just pushed it back further than your mind what he was doing was he had like literally psychologically he was telling me the life of his friend so his friend worked for like a railroad company that was like based in the houston area and so he told me that was his job and so the stories that his friend was telling him of what happened on that day at the job or what was going on he was coming home and saying oh well this is what happened today and i'm like oh wow that's crazy but i didn't find that out till like a whole year later when some other stuff that happened and then i started when i finally sat down and you know started thinking about stuff his whole family was in on it are you for real yes they knew he was lying to me but mama didn't want him mooching off of him anymore neither did the sister so they were all in cahoots to keep giving him money he's like oh contribute to her bills keep paying half on everything put groceries in her fridge keep doing this because they didn't want me to tip off that he was lying because they didn't want him back in like messing with them so it's like you're not our problem anymore you're her problem and we will do whatever it takes to keep you over there so they were all in cahoots so when i broke up with them sister was calling me is there there's really nothing we could do really no because they knew he was gonna either have to go back to them it was so when you go through that again key word trauma yes i'm like i don't ever want to like the stuff you see on lifetime tv that was happening to me i don't want to do online dating and especially plenty of fish no more i'ma pay e harmony what's your highest premium level cause i'm pretty sure you have vetted some folks i'm not doing plenty of fish for free anymore because oh my god you know what my brother still laughs to this day he thinks it's the funniest story ever it's hilarious but then i feel it's funny to me but then i'm thinking i'm like that's sad because because the thing about is i don't like for anybody to get manipulated i don't like anybody being deceived i just it just bothers me so much but the the craziness is i'm laughing at the extent that people will go to deceive somebody and like how long was he willing to go with that you know what i'm saying and it's like it's sad because you could have gotten married to this dude and then why didn't he just get a did he have a job at all he did not have a job but his mom was like enabling him she was enabling she had a beautiful home in houston in the medical district she had all this alimony for from all her prior husbands mom was set she was getting these huge checks and so you know i was like oh i don't want him and mom was hot mom was a straight up like she had it going home banging and so she had her little boyfriend so she didn't want him at the house messing up her game so she was willing to do whatever it took was like you stay over there with leah so what we gotta do we gotta put groceries in there we gotta pay half the electric bill half the rent like what we got oh god this is enabling this over there yeah and it just it like it just blew my mind and you know what killed me was just like for me i think i beat myself up about it because it's like you're supposed to be this smart girl like how did you not see any of this so it was embarrassing for me to go back just to like i don't really care what anybody else outside of family and friends think but to go back to my family and say because at the time had he had proposed we were um we had put earnest money down on our home and katie and so we had did that whole process my mom drew drove up from houston we walked her through the house so let's go back to the loan application on the loan application that means it was totally in your name because he didn't put i worked for so-and-so because the mortgage company would have just found him out well so you on that part well before we even get there the reason why i didn't was because before all that happened i was like i need to see your credit report i need it because like oh cool if we're getting married the good the bad the ugly yeah so if my credit's good but yours needs a little help i'm the type like i'm a solutions based person let's find a solution and so when he kept bucking at me bucking bucking bucking i was like forget this at the end of the day at least if i get stuck with something it's gonna be mine and ain't gonna be fighting you for it exactly but that was boom red flag so were you practicing live then yeah i was practicing a lot of the time what area law were you in bankruptcy i represented the banks but they have to represent yourself oh my god dealing with that dude and so and so from that point on so that was that was the the dating sites the online dating and then now how have you been meeting prospective bows um i've had you know friends introduced me to people and and that's been great and you know i dibbed and dabbed a little bit back into the bumble game and um let's see whether it's tinder on tinder i could never do tinder it just seemed like ratchet crappy i heard that it's just they just said that's more of a smash in the app yeah and i was just wasn't you know i went into that bumble was okay okay cupid i met a guy and we dated for three years but he had his issues that's that sounds successful it was successful but i had um i i i made some mistakes okay he made some mistakes and then it just didn't work out okay but you said you made some mistakes first i i definitely did oh okay i definitely did you want to unpack the mistakes leah oh yeah yeah sure you don't hear women admit they make mistakes well i did you know what how we were talking about earlier about having people in your circle that will call you onto your crap yeah i'm very blessed to have some girlfriends who have no filters that actually i you know we have those girl conversations where they know the desires of my heart yeah so when they see me doing the exact opposite of what i just told them i'm never gonna do again girl what are you doing you just said so how are you expecting god to bless you with x y and z when you're doing the comp you're doing it again you're self-sabotaging and when it's you you don't see it you know you you're just used to acting in this repetitive behavior so with him we started dating and um you know he was great with cook i would go over that he just kept making this his comment like oh i just want to come over and da da da but i would have these walls because i'm just like i don't i'm not ready for that because most guys when they're trying to come over immediately they're trying to smash yep so facts i was trying to do all of those things that i told my girlfriends that i wanted to do but i knew in that moment i was like oh well if you come over i don't trust myself not to do it and so he kept saying it and i kept you know putting it off putting it off and finally he just got angry and was just like you know i'm i'm done with this and so we broke up and then we got back together again and it was like okay well you know so hold on y'all in a relationship you would let him come over i didn't i i was trying to i don't know how to date correctly i guess if that's the word because i knew if he came over i just didn't know you didn't trust yourself i didn't trust myself that's it did you go to his house i did so you tell me you trust yourself more at his house than at your own yeah because in my house it's like you're more comfortable exactly and so at his house he let you go at his house you were cool my car's out front you know it's not my it's not like you know my bed's there my clothing's there like i just i don't know but you got a relationship with him y'all were like in a committed relationship for how long before you before that happened it was three months three months and then you just said he just said you know i'm tired of this he was he was like i'm i'm done you're hiding something cause it seems like you married himself you're married show me your finger so he would just randomly like pick up my finger all the time and be like i'm just trying to make sure there's not a tan line like you're taking it off before you get over here and all this other stuff and i don't blame him for that i was like no no that's not it i don't blame him for that and so finally when i realized i was like well why don't you just come over let me cook for you blah blah blah and he was like no like you're only doing it because now you see that i'm kind of over it and i was like and so strictly was it was it a fear that it was only the sexual stuff it wasn't like you felt like he was going to get used to coming over there and he was going to move in there was part of that too i think there was a i'm not a control freak but i think i did try to control the pace of the relationship as well if i were to be honest where i don't want it to be because the other one yeah um you know fourth fifth month so i think in my mind i'm like okay well how do i rework this dating equation to get it right okay so this time in dating this guy let's try it so that you're not you know having sex too early let's try it this way he can't stay the night he can't do this um i think one of i was watching some youtube you know that's how you get on yeah yeah on youtube just like this podcast you listen to his podcast information and she called it um like some i don't know what she called it like bench dating or something like she had a bench outside of her house and that's as far as he got like they sat on the bench they talked talk talk one one is over boom go home but you can't like you couldn't cross the threshold and so i was like that's what i need to try let's shake that up and let's do it that way so you can't come no you can't cross over this threshold because i i don't want i don't want nothing to happen i don't know what did you tell him that you were saving yourself for whatever time span or did you even not know you were saving yourself what was the point no i did but i think too um there's a lot of men where if you tell them that at the forefront that is the end of the conversation like that's the end of the dating period so let me tell you this and at that point because i was definitely like this was some time ago i wasn't that comfortable in myself to be like oh well just walk away i was like i really like him so maybe i can make some and actually manipulate him to stay because that's the word so what happens is this clear i'm on stage no because it's real because what happens is i'm on clubhouse uh like over the last couple weeks i've been on there a lot yes and that conversation comes up a lot and it comes up about when do you tell a man that you're practicing abstinence and then some women uh tell you know they talk about wait until you know never bring it up don't bring it up on the first date let him basically get caught up in you and then talk about it and me i come from the school of let a guy know straight up because if you want if you don't want to waste your time and waste his time because think about how that work out for you you sit there and you tell him yeah cause you just you bait him for three months four months whatever you gotta use the word cause that's the way we gonna call it what it is we keep it lit that's so strong it's strong but it's real think about it if i sit there cause this we're gonna pr this dude into our life on the level that we want him to stay in our life we're gonna pr him we're gonna we're gonna say i'm gonna show you this facade of me i'm gonna tell you the real truth because the the truth part of you is that i am saving myself for whatever whether it's for marriage or whether it's where i feel secure within myself to trust you enough with my heart that i'm gonna give you my body whatever that is yeah you're not saying she said she wasn't waiting for for the i do the lord ain't done with me she hasn't done with her yet she said she just want to get to the point where she can trust herself and you enough to be able to guard her heart and that's fair and the reality was you could have said that you could have said that to him and said hey listen i'm i don't trust myself and you can be honest about what you've been through in the past hey i went through this with this guy this and if he's like well shoot you deserve that you know i think he read you now but if he's like man listen i'm so sorry that you had to go through that and i understand i respect that i respect that if i if i had gone through what you went through i would be the same way so that's cool and then and then you get a chance to have him express his compassion towards your journey or about your journey and that's all i talk about i talk about if you show up as your lit self living intentionally and transparently the intentionally part is listen hey this is where i'm at in my life and this is what i want in my life this is my intentions and now transparently this is why i feel the way i feel and this is what has happened to me and that and that's what it is and so so y'all had that he broke up with you then y'all came back together and then what happened yeah my grandmother passed and he was there a hundred percent like hey let me take care of you i got you this i know you're upset and and he was just that type of guy and then we reconnected but i think his trust was broken with me and he could never get over this because he thought he was probably still he probably thought you had a living boyfriend and that you was lied to him all the time and it just kept spilling over where we could never get over that hump what would he say what would he accuse you of it's not that he would accuse me of anything it was like you can feel when someone's not letting walls down with you or where you can never kind of push past a certain point and for me it was just like he would just be really short and just like irritable because it may and i don't know what he was thinking because he wouldn't communicate it okay but i knew that he was different from the first time he wasn't as open as he was before really and so i knew that there was some trust that was broken i was doing everything i could to mend it everything to show him you know okay like like you said just being a little bit more open not as guarded and doing all these things and nothing worked until the point where i felt like it was almost getting to the point where i felt like he was just disrespectful and i was like you know i don't want this and i i don't know what a successful relationship that leads into marriage looks like i've never seen one but i know what joy is i know how what makes me happy and this doesn't make me happy so i have to walk away and i have to just feel hopeful and have faith that um whatever lessons i'm supposed to learn okay now let's get to the next one and see if it could be better and i walked away so leah how long was this how long has it been since that fiasco um let's see we're in 2021. so it's been a couple years i've dated a couple of people in between that which is what i want to talk about we talked about something that really resonated with me and i'll tell you why once we begin to unpack this what is the main issue that you run into as you are dating these new people um currently it's you know just being an entrepreneur i'm trying to build like literally trying to build an empire and i'm thinking about all those things generational wealth i'm thinking about my husband before he enters my life so i'm preparing preparing but what takes the majority of my time is that preparation and a lot of people say oh i want that boss girl i want the ceo yeah my girl that's bad blah blah blah and then you get into the relationship with that person and realize like oh well this may look like she can't stay the night because she's got to go back like literally after the date we had a couple glasses of wine okay well i gotta go and build a marketing sales funnel from nine to three o'clock in the morning and no i can't talk to you on the phone i can't have a distraction you know and it's just been difficult because people will say they understand and that's cool and then they get into the relationship and it's really hard for them to realize that like you're a unicorn you're so unique so the reason why that was so interesting to me is because uh as i reimagine the type of wife that i want when i when i look at who is she and i write letters and i wrote in one of my letters um that started this i think it was i don't know if it was the first letter that i wrote before the podcast happened or when the letters in it but anyway i said i see you building a life outside of me and that's what attracted me to you and so when you started saying that stuff i said now what does that look like in real time you know do i i know i get attracted by boss women women that are on their grind doing what they do they're confident in their their uh their own skin they're operating on high levels in the dreams and the goals that they have that's attractive but then i don't know what that feels like if i feel like i'm not prioritized and so when you were saying that i was like i told you on the phone i was like well yeah i said shoot that's not too much to ask i said if if you are carving out time because i asked you this i said how many times a week do you feel is healthy to spend with a prospective love interest and how many times a week did you say and i said you know the weekends so you got two days there saturday sunday right and then a couple days out of the week and that's that's like after the work hour or whatever and then i ask you how many cumulative hours would that be so on the daily things on the weekdays how many hours per day do you feel is healthy i was like you know you can get like three hours because that could be a dinner that could be cocktails talking a movie whatever and then on the weekend shoot i'm game all day if things are playing throughout the day and just relaxing because i've built my business and boundaries to where i don't work on saturdays and sundays unless we just have to storm so i am yeah but other than that i've built that but i've had to learn because the same guy we were just talking about it affected our relationship because my phone was going off from the moment i got to his house throughout dinner to the time you know what i mean i would walk out that door and he just couldn't take it he was like you you're gonna have to tell them it's 9 30. i'm i'm out of the office or put up and out of office or get another phone but you're going to have to build boundaries because this isn't healthy did you do that i did and it actually helped did it help you professionally it did good it did and so then you transitioned from that relationship did you still keep those processes and procedures in place or did you go back to that oh no i kept it because i realized i never knew it was a problem because i was single and i was like this is my life i love what i do i don't consider what i do my job i wake up i can't stop thinking about it it is it's genuinely my purpose so i love it so to an outsider it's like when you go on vacation make sure you actually rest in the kitchen yeah you're like this is fun this is yeah this is fun for me yes and so when he did that and i went into the next relationship i made sure to carry that over because i didn't have a self-awareness to know that that was an irritant to the men that i was dating and then so how does that work it works good but again then people push for more time then it's like oh well i see you're busy so i mean i just didn't think we were going to be able to do anything throughout the week and i'm like but did you ask because also they're assuming it's not that you don't have time for them they assume you don't have that is the number one thing that i'm a calm person that will take me from zero to 100 when people try to tell me how busy i am just based off of looking at my social media which by the way somebody else helps around my social media it's not me posting all the time that can give me where it's like oh i saw you were doing this this this and that and you're everywhere so i just figured you you didn't you know you wouldn't have time to go this comedy show or whatever and i'm like but i did and i'm an entrepreneur so i can work my schedule around that if you had to come to me and told me that that's what you wanted to do it's just sad i used to do that when i was uh i used to assume stuff for people when i was like yeah yeah maker out of you and me um when i would tour shows and stuff and i'll be like oh you got nine to five you couldn't act in my show and tour and then i learned that very quickly that some people have vacation some people you they may you may think they have a set career but it's like no that's not my career i just have a really good job and i can leave and take off or i can do whatever so i start making decisions for people and saying here's the opportunity do you want it thank you and my thing is then if i say no every single time you ask then it's fair for you to have that assumption that she's too busy but i i mean i've tried going in and saying hey the beauty of what i do because i got freedom i have freedom yes if you want to go get a coffee in the morning i can block off my calendar and tell my assistant don't book anybody because that is your time i can have extended lunches i can go meet you for a cocktail and then we can take that cocktail to dinner and to whatever we need to do we just keep hearing this word cocktail come up do y'all get the uh that she loves cocktails do you have y'all gotten that thus far sparingly though okay socially i don't really drink at home but then covet happens and everybody started drinking drinking but yeah but my thing is that communication piece you're not telling me that you want to be prioritizing that way so you just automatically she's too busy yeah and then that you know that's when cheating happens or they find someone else to entertain them and it's just i just don't think that's fair especially when it's like i could do those things i just don't know so the last two years you you've been single i've been singing i've been dating serious dating some serious dating what does serious dating look like well you know you're with that person but it's not it's a situation there it is and i never thought and that's what i've been making sure i'd never get into again i've been in them i've been in one i said i just it's the easiest thing to fall in let's talk about situationship what because we're pr'ing and we're pnr we're being a pr for love but we find ourselves in a situation then that means our uh pr campaign didn't go quite right you know i'll be honest i'm confident in every area of my life the least confidence i have is in around relationships i think that's with most people i've just been i've been it's like uh because you have no control over it when you say that you're a control freak yes you said you like to control stuff i mean not in a bad way but you like to be in control to say that feel some level of security exactly and so when you can't control something relationship is the very thing that we can't control at all one can be in a relationship with a person give them their all and get nothing in return and that's the most vulnerable position when you do a relationship right right it's the most vulnerable you'll ever find yourself and that's what makes it so scary because you can do everything right you can do everything right for a person and that person just be like i don't care what you do you can empower them by doing everything right and they they manipulate you by because you're doing everything right i've had that i've been in a relationship with a narcissist that's the word i'm trying to not say but that's what i'm telling you exactly that being called up with a narcissist about how we all need to go to therapy and all those other things and again we talk about preparation so part of my preparation was making sure that i went to a therapist that could unpack where a lot of my issues were coming from so that i could be my best self yes and so the moment i was like i gotta go figure this out was when i didn't know i was in a relationship with a narcissist until i had a professional tell me yes this is like this is what that person was was it this and she went all throughout all the systems and i i realized wow and then of course you start to question yourself and she's like no no no these people are master they're manipulators they prey on empathetic people yeah you never would have guessed that you're in it yes and so i was in a situation where i was like i'm doing everything right and then they will tell you you're never there for me yeah [Music] what and no matter you haven't done nothing for me 100 scenarios like as early as the day before yeah and now and you'll start getting you'll start getting gaslighted and you'll start looking like is something wrong with me i know i did this i know i said this yeah yes it'll drive you you'll think you're living i thought i was on mars like what planet we're not on the same planet yep it was the craziest head trip i've ever been on in montana will totally distort your reality you won't even know who you are and that's what and the cool thing about it is that it does push you to into therapy to where you go something right because i did choose this person in my life so how did i choose this person because if we're honest with ourselves we overlooked some stuff at the very beginning that was really like supposed to be like hello and people are people of faith god whispers to us all the time be like this ain't right you know you ain't gotta deal with that you know you know you ain't gotta accept that you know you're better than that like well i just i still he just says all right i i told you i said in a pigeon a smoke signal that's i sent everything and you still go and left okay i got something for you and then he gives you that big shebang and you're like man i don't ever want to go again again ever again and you start thinking wiser as dog marvin sapp said i'm wise i'm strong because i'm trying to tell you and that's and that's the beauty of life because i always say everything teaches every situation or encounter we go through should teach us something to come better and and the one thing that we should do is always get better and not bitter because what you've been through trust me i understand i overstand but the beauty of it is that whoever get a chance to inherit your love they get lea 3.0 you know what i'm saying it's a whole different level and then when you find yourself vulnerable again you're giving them all if you don't allow because it's good that you're going through therapy that they'll you know hey what's your fault wasn't your fault it's because you're an empath that attracted that and that's the only way that you can be used a narcissist use this impasse so there's nothing wrong with you but we're going to teach you also how to be wiser in your selected selection yeah we talked about situation shifts let's let's unpack that what's the situation i think a situationship is in my opinion um is where the the boundaries or the lines or the definition of the relationship isn't made clear in the beginning then you get rocking and rolling along one person wants one thing one person thinks another and then before you know it a whole year has passed and there's no clear definition of the path that you're taking on the road and one person is just la dee da happy go lucky and the other person is flipping out because it was like i'm not too secure like all right are you dating other people are you not dating other people and it's just but there's no clear like this is what we're doing this is where we're headed and don't even know what to call it can you say it's my girlfriend that's my man that's my what you just be nothing there's no social media protocol nope nothing and it's like again if we're talking about pr the first thing we do when somebody comes through the door is established goals it's a road map we are here at a you need to be at z what map are we constructing you know between the two to get to our goal and in a situation it's like let's have fun yeah let's just have fun no let's have fun with this conversation okay well it's like that too listen so think about this i come to you this is good we finna role play oh lord i i'm looking to hire you as my publicist and i want to find a wife build me a campaign what are you doing okay this is interesting so take now what would you do what would you do a client comes to you and says listen i'm looking for love i need you to build me a road map to find love well first i take a look at you your brand who you are internally and then i need to know okay what is this road map like what does this end road look for you because some people it may be i need her to be local other people if we're talking to terms in pr i want to be national you know and so those are the first two things that i look at because who you are determines how we're going to get here and then what this person looks like over here determines what kind of like where we're going to shoot the pr message out to right and if this doesn't fit the right the criteria or if it's not a good match with you we're not even going in that direction so i have to have very clear this is la terrace's brand you know he's very vulnerable he you know likes to communicate here are his love languages and then we figure out what does wifey look like and i i make my clients give me wish list so even if it's like i would have you give me like what are your top celebrities or who are those women like what are your ideal women that are in human form because then i can kind of idealize or strategize like okay well we can find women that are kind of like in these these certain categories and shoot for those and then leave everybody else out so we can make sure we're hitting the target so i need to know what that's like is that a gabrielle union is that a halle berry like what is that a tiki something is that a tiki something i mean putting it out there just throw that on out there like what is that like and then we build like i like to work in three month increments hence think three media then we build goals that say for the next 90 days what are we doing to aim this arrow at this target is it let's set you up online in such and such way the first 30 days how are we branding you digitally or virtually is the next 60 days that we're actually going to position yourselves because pr is all about brand positioning and telling your story and putting yourself in front of media outlets and all those things all right laters how are we where are we targeting these women where do they they sit at this is your target audience we've identified it right yeah where is she at and wherever she's at that's where we're going to put you we're going to have you strategically at the grocery store we're going to have you in church we're going to have we're going to make you as visible as possible to attract this woman over here so the next 30 days that's all we're doing we're just we're playing we're playing we're pitching you is what we say we're gonna pitch we're gonna pitch we're gonna pitch we're gonna pitch and in the last 30 days we're gonna narrow that thing down we're gonna make sure that these placements or these women are exactly what you wanted are you getting a return on the investment you made day one to day 60 in these last 30 days of these women that we've kind of pulled together in your pr pool but that if i were to build a campaign like that's what it would look like let's brand let's get you out there let's make sure your nice professional polished package from head to toe because if you're telling me this is what you want this is what they look for as well so we're going to get you together the next 30 days we're just going to start planting you in front of those women wherever they're at and you're going to be busy so i tell my clients all the time if i tell you to do something and i need it in 30 days i need in two hours you just got to get it to me because that's what you're paying for next 30 days you busy you're in front of this particular audience next 30 days after that let's get that return on investment let's narrow these puppies down that's what i would do i would strategize in that way i want you to just break that down because that's exactly what you should be doing for yourself he turned the tables on me listen because at the end of the day we can we when we were operating in our gift you see how easy you were able to spit that out i just sat there and listened to you but we don't do that for ourselves and pr you you're attracting people everybody that you name was people that's not even in your pool not even in your target market these are people that you wouldn't like how did you get a guy that doesn't even have a job like how do you get that it's because you're leading with your heart and not with your mind not with the gift that god has placed inside of you to do pr work you know i'm still i'm still trying to get over how you flip this on me i was like did he just he pulled the oaky toes because in the midst of you talking god said tell her because you are talking about i in relationships is where i just i'm just i'm i just don't know what to do i don't but it's the same thing that you do for other people building their brand and strategize and be like what do i want but then also i wanted you to really spit out in from your gift how easy it is for you to be able to rattle that stuff off that's true and also if i decide to you and i decide to partner up and start doing relationship matchmaking or whatever then we know how to pull that together real quick what's the plan before we even did this i was out there what's the plan what's the goal what's the what's the plan what's the goal yeah we could we could be doing some matchmaking services or something hey i'm down building brands we'll create a whole another little thing we'll let me go buy the domain name that's in my head right here let's build the brand yeah cause you think you're ready yes and then sometimes you just need a little bit more polishing and you have a little tweaking some little hints here yeah maybe you should take down or or look on social media talk about it building your algorithm if you first start dating somebody or maybe even not you're trying to attract that woman that we're talking about or that man then maybe i don't want to see all the booty shaking on my feed talk about what your algorithm has built because that's telling me the type of man that you are there it is you know and in clubhouse you really can't get around it because if you're going in the wrong rooms and we're following each other then those rooms come on my feet and i'm like yes what's he doing in the mountain room at 10 o'clock at night okay so let me tell you something i was in this room uh called future wife master class uh my homeboy my homeboy king art runs that okay and my boy cory all of us be in that room giving advice to uh women but this one lady she came and she was like i'm abstinent no she said she was a virgin and she used to be a track star and all this stuff and then she said that um you know how do i attract a man or once i tell a man that i'm a virgin or i'm practicing abstinence they ghost you and then i went to her instagram and i was like and i took a screenshot and shared it with the guys and i was like and she was naked her whole thing was she did a photo shoot where she was naked and uh just butt naked but she was profiled and she was covering up but it was a black and white beautiful picture but she was butt naked and i said so we just we just went in like what message does that sound yeah what does that say like if i see a woman so comfortable to be naked for the world then she tells me well i'm practicing abstinence and i'm not even or i'm a virgin it's art it's art that's what she said she said it was art she said it was art and i was like well i want you to understand this is going to be a hard sale first of all guys going to call you know bs on that you know they're going to be like all right yeah you saying that but i can get in there you know what i'm saying because if you that comfortable to post a naked photo of yourself for the world then you could be naked in front of me you know what i'm saying and then if i can get you naked in front of me then now i'm halfway like gi joe is is halfway the battle you know so it's like i'm almost there so the reality is that what you just said what are you saying on your social media um cause i look at people's social medias all the time if a girl pops up in my news feed or somebody starts following me i go to their social media start looking at their pictures see what they're posting if they're partying all the time if every uh in every uh story they're drinking and popping bottles and i don't know i want to follow people that take too many selfies i don't know what's changed between yesterday and today that you have to take another selfie hey i just want to make sure that i still look the same i'm saying well that's one of my things i think like if i'm dating a guy and you can tell that they're posting because they need that validation from other females that is a hard exit for me with posting selfies and stuff all the time or oh you know what irritates me the people that always post and they're singing and i'm like how well every time i lip sync and whenever you live singing yeah but they be trying to lick their lips and like into the into the story and i'm just like that's not weird for you like now i love fun like tick tock videos and reels but there are people that their entire ig story is then lip syncing songs and and and i mean okay i would say no judgment but there's a little bit of judgment i just don't like it from a male perspective because some of the guys i've dated it was just so the women could be like oh like oh that's hot or like whatever and it's like why do you need so much validation from women like what i don't understand don't you have things to do probably not that's that's because and then they get mad you don't watch my stories i don't watch my own stories all right all right go back to that that on social media do you believe that y'all have to y'all should be following each other so if you were dating a guy and he wouldn't follow you you wouldn't take that i do not take it personally because i have monetized my platform now look if you want to click and like and add to the engagement that is fine but that is not a requirement for you to follow me on social media i think social media is is a huge downfall for a lot of relationships yeah so i just i mean i rarely i've never posted anybody i've dated on my social media i have curated my platform so people can only focus on what it is professional career the inspiration the motivation some things you just want to keep private for me i like to keep my relationships private i'mma be the person that you're gonna find out i'm either married or engaged six months after the fact and it'll be a facebook change that's what i feel i feel that uh i didn't even know she was dating anybody well i believe that people are going to find out when i get engaged like it's going to be like boom you're going to see the engagement it's going to be like wait no no more letters you still have letters all the way through bananas with hearts and you're telling me you don't give me the chocolate from the hotel oh you just gonna throw back the 2018. i mean i mean you saw that post it was memorable because i was like he really took the time to carve out some hearts and bananas and i straight up just like chopped so this what happened i was in my feelings that day clearly clearly i was i was in my feelings it was it was the holidays it was 2018. um i had just got out of a toxic situation and i was just like how did i get here and i was sitting there and i always take my greenberg turkey and take the leftovers and i make my my little famous chicken salad and i was sitting there and i said i'll just cut out some little hard salted bananas i put my little chicken salad sandwich right there with on a croissant put some tomatoes and lettuce on it and i just looked at that and i said i would love to go through this post christmas with my wifey to be able to go listen hey you're laying the bed it's cold outside sometimes in texas and then say here you know and just say hey i love you you know i'm a i'm a romantic and i like little stuff like that so and i and i pay really close attention to detail so that's what those bananas cutting out to say that i will go through and the women went wow i spent more time in the comments that i did trying to dissect how he made a perfect heart shape in the banana but it was memorable enough to where i'm bringing it up today three years three years later that is crazy that was on facebook so that's before the dear future wifey podcast so my podcast started with me writing letters on facebook to my future wifey and um and people are going to find out later what birth my very first letter but uh it's interesting that you said that because the that was i didn't even realize but i was pr'ing for love even back then and they when i tell you i'm a little petty so sometimes i go in the comments and i'm like what are people saying i was all in those comments look at this look at this come with terrace he knows what he's doing oh and i'm gonna tell you this was so crazy because i had some of my friends they'd be like did you be posting stuff to get a reaction i said actually i don't that's why it's so authentic i said i literally post what i feel and and do i know it's gonna get a reaction sometimes sometimes don't because sometimes i post something and it don't get as much engagement as i would want and then other stuff like i post a sandwich and then it's like oh my god it's crazy you know and it's not getting people in trouble like dude can you not you know my wife follows you all dudes me and she asked me why i didn't get the chocolate off the pillow at the hotel and the heart-shaped bananas i mean she was cool with just the chop chop chop yeah she was cool with that you done messed up everything now you messed up the whole game because she was like la terrace is doing heart-shaped bananas and he made it around the plate for a woman it's not even there for that made it ten times worse woman they don't even exist in his life he's doing that man i haven't had guys that said hey can i take out these last little lines that you wrote in this post and no to say that i'm gonna get i'm gonna say it in my marriage vows i'm giving guys permission to say that stuff i i need to get management for that but yeah i don't i don't care i'd be like i'd just be so i'd be so honored that a man would want to uh say those words or whatever that i say go ahead and do that brother now available on dear wifey.com we are now selling marriage vows exactly anonymously which is one of the services i did want to offer or whatever but listen lia i had so much fun chopping up with you thank you for showing up as your transparent authentic self uh how can people find you you can find me on all social media platforms that's branding npr at the leah frazier you can also find me at leahfraser.com and uh you have a podcast yourself right i do you can on all podcast platforms pr yourself with leah frazier i would prefer apple though for you know my data me too you are yourself with leah frazier and we teach people how to personally brand themselves and their businesses utilizing you know pr tips and tricks and strategies from the pros we have news anchors media personalities and we have someone special coming on soon yeah so that's what happened she called we were talking and she wanted to invite me on her podcast and i said no i need you on mine i'm gonna do yours too but i need your mind for this upcoming week so you know oh yeah he pr himself especially if you're listening to this right now or you're watching this on youtube so we're gonna talk about how he like grew his vision into what it is today so i'm excited about that i'm looking forward to it leah listen thank you for showing up as your transparent and authentic self uh you kept it lit i know uh you were a little nervous about it you was like oh what what are you gonna ask me i said i don't know what i'm gonna ask you we're just gonna hold your banana hey nana i know you're watching she's watching this and i just don't even know when i'mma been there who are she doing she know you're bidding it now she know you're bending now all right well listen thank you for being on the podcast uh you showed up and i loved it [Applause] discover uncover recover love with the new dear future collection the journey starts from within let your inner thoughts find freedom on the pages of this richly hued dear future blue sapphire edition genuine leather journal it features a cross-stitch spine and luxurious cording to find your deepest insights a great accompaniment is the dear future luxury bamboo fountain pen there's nothing more intentional than the writing process of a fountain pen this is an elegant writing work of art join the thriving community of fountain pen enthusiasts and purchase one today these exclusive items and more are available at deerfuturewifey.com [Music] it feels so good to be back on the podcast i really have missed y'all for the last couple of weeks and so this letter will be sort of an update as well as a manifestation to my future wifey dear future wifey last month was a lot my homeland of texas experienced the greatest snowstorm of 100 years many lost their lives due to traffic accidents or the freezing temperatures millions were left without power and running water i finally got the latter restored yesterday having gone without for the past three weeks i handled it in stride by opting to take bird baths from a bucket in my tub see i grew up poor so we learned quickly how to manage when our electricity was shut off or water disconnected due to non-payment the toilet is for pen only if you have to do number two walk down the street to mcdonald's my mom advised i remixed the advice and told my sons pee in the tub see that's one of the many conveniences of being a male i was stuck in los angeles for the first week of the snow apocalypse i traveled there to direct a virtual concert in conversation with kenny lattimore and his wife faith i stayed at their home and was scheduled to depart the following saturday afternoon after the event unfortunately my flight was canceled i was flooded with emotions of guilt my sons and 69 year old mom were suffering in her one degree apartment with no electricity water and a shortage of food options like olivia pope's gladiators i'm the fixer in my family however this fixer was rendered helpless i was over 1500 miles away and could only offer praying hands and not a helping one my compassion lends itself in offering my family both i was miserable to add insult to injury i felt like an intruder on kenny and faith's first v-day celebration not by any incident of the lattimores this feeling was self-inflicted trust me they were the epitome of being the most welcoming host however i rented a car and tried to stay away for most of the day it blesses my soul to see my friends kenny and faith do love and life together they are so perfect for each other oh yeah this is my birthday month i've coined it march gladness i always celebrate by doing something big that makes me glad let's see what god has in store this year hopefully this is the last v-day and birthday i spend without you valentine's will be every day with you you are my march gladness please be my peace be still in the midst of the storm can't wait to tell you i love you and followed up with a kiss on your forehead your future hubby thank you for listening to the dear future wifey podcast remember be lit live intentionally and transparently and don't stop loving make sure to subscribe to our dear future wifey youtube channel we're available on apple podcast google podcast spotify and stitcher we welcome your support simply share our podcast with your friends and family

Channel: Dear Future Wifey

Views: 17,071

Rating: 4.9584417 out of 5

Keywords: dallas, love, podcast, relationships, black love matters, black men, Christianity, healing, weddings, marriage

Id: RiyuutPSxwQ

Length: 65min 24sec (3924 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 03 2021