Dear Future Wifey S2, E214: Heal First (Edwin Henderson)

whatever you tell them to do you ultimately know the provision you know the plans in front of me so let me go and submit my will to you all i can say is i i sat here in the seat of whatever if it wasn't to hear anything else it was to hear that man that's actually something internally that i've just been personally struggling with where i it's like i'm hearing it and it's like dude you got to get to that point because when you think about where you're at right now it may once once you die to that part yes you know it may be a struggle where it's like man you really crave it but once you know that you're in the will of god the way that the will of god wants you to be things things think things just it's just like smooth sailing i never imagined my journey would inspire people all over the world hello my name is nema and i'm from zambia so i love the dear future wifey podcast for me to see people being so real so honest and so true about the real situations in life i am natalie from belgium and i would like to to say thank you i value your content because it is christ-centered you have set a standard in love dear future wifey podcast has um opened my understanding i highly recommend that everyone whether you're single you're married you're divorced you're widowed everyone to go follow this podcast continue with me as i discover uncover and recover love i'm the terrace r whitfield and welcome to the deer future wifey podcast welcome to the deer future wifey podcast i'm your host letters r whitfield hey if you haven't subscribed to the youtube channel make sure you take a moment subscribe hit that notification bell so you'll be notified about upcoming episodes and make sure you share this video if you're watching this on other platforms leave a review if that streaming service allows you to do so and uh share share share so we can get the word out about the dear future wifey podcast i know y'all see me rocking uh this this shirt right now this is uh black history month so to pay a little tribute to one of my favorite shows growing up the cosby show if you grew up in the in the 80s then you know that this is uh that's going to put you in the mind of that that gordon gertrillo that gordon gertreil that uh theo tried to rock uh by way of denise uh making him a bootleg version so uh shout out to the cosby show my homeboy carl payne was on that show as good one of my closest friends or whatnot well without further ado i have a an awesome gentleman on the podcast today i met him a couple of weeks ago i mean as soon as we got on the phone we hit it off this brother's full of death it's full of transparency and full of authenticity that's one thing that i uh really appreciate from him um he is an acclaimed chef if you are in the houston area then you know this brother if you watch the tv show ready to love then you saw this brother show up as his authentic self and actually show men that they could be vulnerable and can share uh their emotions so without further ado welcome to the dear future wifey podcast my homie edwin henderson what's up bro what's up what's going on brother appreciate you for having me on edwin so let me tell you something on ready to love uh you you showed up as your authentic self huh i did i did 100 so um you were very vulnerable on the show um you brought up a lot of uh taboo subject matters where uh men were you know a lot of men are afraid to show their emotions afraid to show tears on the podcast we create a safe space for people to show their emotions i'm very emotional i let people know that you i cry yeah you know when i hurt i cry if i didn't cry then people would die oh yeah oh yeah so so so let me cry so people don't die um so we're gonna call this episode heal first he'll first because you said something on the exit of the of ready to love that really spoke volumes uh do you know what i'm speaking of yeah when it was just about me taking that opportunity just to you know give some self-love to myself first before i actually even try to dive into a relationship so i definitely remember that moment and it was uh it was a very real moment at that at that time so you said give yourself self-love what do you mean by that you know the biggest thing with me is i am a workaholic uh and there are moments where i just will not really stop just to care for myself i'll do things for other people i'll go out and i'll serve the homeless i'll you know make sure my son is taken care of my family is taken care of and anybody that's in need of help but my thing is that i don't take that moment to step away just to decompress or just to go do something as simple as get a massage or a pedicure or whatever it may be just to you know kind of pamper myself just to you know allow myself that moment of uh you know relaxation so so um it's not just something that you deal with a lot of men deal with that a lot of men always we're taught to to be the providers the protectors but we don't take time to nurture ourselves and it was that's important for you to say love myself uh what areas or what times in your life do you recollect not loving yourself you know i could i could say there are several moments where i just didn't take the moment to love myself because i literally would just kind of get into this workflow and would be exhausted you know from working so much but not really stopping to to take the time to rest because you know my my background from the military uh and law enforcement has always been that hustle and bustle you know i remember when i first went on uh patrol you know you you are rookie on the street and the biggest thing that they always say is just get out there and uh you know they kind of say they always use the term hump it get out there and just take as many calls as you can uh don't don't don't worry about it just get out there and answer the calls and and kind of make a name for yourself that way as that that hard worker uh and then also growing up and so he was out there you you was humping i i was out there taking every single call like you could literally look at the mdt system the computer system in the car and you know a lot of the old heads or whatever they're just certain calls that they wouldn't take because they felt like they had the seniority but you're right now but i'm running out there taking all of them i actually most of the the calls that i would take um and you know i always would pride myself on situations like this is that if it was a homicide or if it was something that i had to work in in regards to that i would do 90 of the work so by the time the detective came on the scene he didn't have much to do i literally handed over my notes to him and they would finish off the scene but it was more things they liked you huh absolutely absolutely loved me they said where where's edwin yeah we want to take a call that edwin already had surveyed so that's that's pretty dope so you said after that uh continue you said now in law enforcement uh you spent time in the military um and then as a chef are you not taking care of yourself or were there's moments where you just became a workaholic or you're not it just becomes that moment i become a workaholic like even right now like i even found myself getting sucked back into that flow because right now after being on the show you hot right i'm i'm telling you my my inbox is blowing up uh my dms are full both ways you get business and you then girls trying to give you the business i'm getting business and girls are trying to give me the business and it's like you know uh you know they think some some women are trying to throw it at me okay you gotta throw it you gotta throw it back hot potato hot potato you can't you can't you can't take everybody's potato uh so you know it's one of those things where i uh you know i honestly like this past weekend i i'm actually getting ready to start a series where i'm going to partner with three different yoga instructors in the city of houston uh and it's going to be a part of my self-care to where i actually schedule it because i can tell you this is that if i don't schedule time for myself you want to i won't take the time yeah i will literally take every private chef experience i will try to do every job that there possibly is out there and so i i had to remind myself like edwin if you don't put this in your calendar like you do everything else you won't ever do it so saturday i did a mini yoga session uh so she could take an assessment of you know you know what kind of program she was going to set up but i want to make other people a part of it because i realize if i'm having the same struggle other men are having the same issue as well and i feel if i actually put it out there and allow others to view it maybe they'll they'll be inspired to be able to do the same for themselves so was that first was that c first planet on the show when you did the yoga with joy i would honestly say yeah because i and and that that was a dynamic date between joy uh and i i when i first got on the resort the first thing i came to mind was i'm like this would be a lovely place to do yoga because i'm just i'm absolutely enamored with uh scenery and just the beauty of god's nature yes it was a very peaceful area and so when i when i first put it out to the producers they said well i think we can make that happen and this is long before oh however long before i ever knew that joey and i were going to connect that way um they just was like you know we could potentially set up a date like that for you and so when they came back to me and they said oh you know what you enjoy getting ready to go on a yoga date i'm like work thank you like thank you like they had a little diagram set up for me i always had a little date back because joe i always knew i carried incense candles yeah i had my little ring pop in there for i had a little i had a capri sun juice pouch in there so it was about you know kind of make it romantic and fun at the same time i had all of that and so when we did it i can honestly say being on that resort and actually even being on the show has really compelled me to take that time because i know joy talks about it winner talks about it quite a bit um what did they say just talking about self-care as a whole like she's always any any of our videos that she posts on ig uh is always in regards to self love and taking care of yourself uh and just making that time and then also being able to forgive yourself i think that's been the biggest thing that i've gotten yes from a lot of different ones on the show is about forgiving yourself in certain situations cause i'm very hard on myself i will be so hard on myself and sometimes you have to step back and say you know what but you're further along not necessarily in comparison to most but you have to give yourself credit for the the things that you have done there it is that's the biggest thing is giving yourself credit because if you don't give if you don't give yourself credit you'll constantly always look at situations and say oh i'm not doing enough and i'm not doing it i do better i can do better pat yourself on the back and say i made it i'm a whole lot farther further than where i started exactly and that's the biggest thing is where i'm at i said to myself i may not necessarily be where i ideally should be but i'm a hell of a lot farther than what where i was before when you look at um the subject matter of love or the desire of love do you want to be married i do i absolutely want to be married you already have you have one child are you open to having more i am i am open to having another child so when you come to the table you say hey i'm a man that um that's not oblivious about my flaws um we've had talks you're a christian man right yes i am so you're a christian man you're a believer you're singing the choir at the church uh so you're active you're just not somebody that goes to church you're active in church and uh you have strong accountability partners around i gleaned that from you through a conversation uh with your connection with pastor oversight and so what are you looking for in a woman and why do you feel like you haven't found that yet i would say the biggest thing that i'm looking for um in a woman first is is is a friend you know i think once you can establish just a good friendship with somebody and you have somebody that you just know that if anything arises in that relationship whether it be you all getting into an argument or whatever this is still my friend this is somebody that i i confide in somebody that uh i can express my thoughts to and that can be open and honest with me uh but you also want somebody that is a support system and somebody that can push you and propel you to the next level because when i think about the dynamic of a relationship and i think about honestly how god created relationship to be that although you know you may have the structure where the man is the head and then and then you know it's supposed to be god the man you know the your wife and your family i also look at it that it all plays in a cohesive you know unit if it's done properly yes because i think in relationships a lot of men will look like oh i'm the head and i'm this and they're ruling with an iron fist yeah that's not the way god intended it to be so i want to be able to pour my heart into the woman that i'm with and so in return she's going to do the same thing and so it becomes this it's almost like when you think about the ecosystem yes and it in the ecosystem the way god set it up is that it just it it works we don't know it we see how it works sometimes we're at all how it works but it works and then when something comes in and disrupts it disrupts it it's all out of whack when you think about the dynamic of relationship the dynamic of family those are the areas of whatever that i feel like sometimes that the enemy is trying to truly destroy by making interjections and coming in in various different ways one thousand percent yeah one thousand percent so what is what's what are you looking forward to the most with getting married i would say that the biggest thing i'm looking forward to the most is just it's that opportunity to be able to build with somebody yes it's something that i it's a beauty in especially when i when i look at older couples that have been you know together for a while you know i look at it and i don't look at it and just say oh they're just such an amazing looking couple i think about they've been through some stuff a whole lot they've been through a whole lot of stuff but they've endured the test of times because that's just relationship and that lets you know that that they're in tune with one another and so i think the biggest thing with me is just that opportunity to build and that opportunity just to have somebody that i can just have fun with and laugh with and that you know when i come home from a long day of private chef work or whatever it is i'm doing that this becomes this person this place of peace for me yes that's the biggest thing because sometimes i've been in relationships where you only want to come home i didn't want to come home i did not want to come home at all so you know to have that moment of being able to come home and just to have a place of rest yes i think honestly and i always jokingly say this that yeah you know i feel like i have decorating skills a little bit you know i have that that artistic side of it yeah but at the same time my home still isn't like the same way that a woman typically of course not you can walk into a woman's home that's just single and i'm just like wow he's like oh yes exactly i put a lot of work in this interior decorating you know when you have that and when you have somebody that even when you feel that element of peace of just walking into their home that makes you think man how much more could this be in a relationship that i can have in 24 hours 24 hours a day and see that's what women have to understand is that and i talked about this in the past is that the reason why delilah got sampsons because the bible says samson found a safe place to lay his head and i said how strange is that that samson found that as a safe place to to lay his head when every time he opened his eyes up everything that he said to delilah you know she would manifest by having people trying to tie him up or whatnot and but it was still a safe space now i believe that samson was dealing with a straight jezebel spirit uh but the fact that the bible says a safe space that's what men want men need a safe place we don't need all that nagging you know we need women that edifies us with our words if we do something that they don't like they have a problem with that they're able to craft the phrase to get us to do it without saying see what what you're not gonna do is such a just say hey baby you know what i really love it when you do xyz yeah then he goes oh okay now i hate it when you do such and such i really love it when you do this um and that takes a lot of work uh you said something that i definitely don't want to just glaze over you said the work that you did in the military first of all shout out to you for uh protecting us because i'm one of those people i could you couldn't you couldn't pay me to go to military uh but i always apply uh men and women who actually put our lives before theirs and go fight for our country so um touch on that what what years did you spend in the military and you talked about suffering from ptsd yeah um so so touch on that so i uh i signed up in the military actually when i was in my uh my final year bible college so i was using bible because yeah most i didn't i didn't talk a lot about that nobody i don't think i even spoke about it on the show like i know kg talked about uh i think he he was a deacon or something like that but i actually i was in school for ministry and uh and i was actually going through our the youth ministry program at the time and so i joined uh i graduated there in 99 and then as soon as i graduated i came back home and i did a lateral transfer because i swore in initially uh in oklahoma city meps and i came back to houston got all my things dropped off and headed off to basic training uh fort jackson south carolina and then i went to fort lee virginia but yeah i was in from 99 until uh 2008 i think is when i completely ets because then at that time i was at the sheriff's department hold on first of all people think that you're a lot older than what you are they look at you they think you're in your 50s and all that type of stuff tell these people how old you are so uh i am 40 years old i uh you know a lot of people i've seen a lot of things on social media there's literally been posts that have been made in regards to my age uh as you can see my beard has been shaved down a little bit more uh because periodically i will take it off but i'm 40 years old september 4th 1980 yeah i am a virgo so uh yeah but i i'm not as old as some of you all think so this is what getting shot at does to you i think you know when you get shot at so much uh you know unfortunately i didn't have a lot i didn't have a beard or anything like that on the military side but the gray hair started coming and i started coming in all that stress and when i was in law enforcement they used to call me silver striker uh because i used to have a great streak in my head so you talk about when you were like you were in law enforcement what about 35 i was in law enforcement actually when i was 25 or way back yeah yeah i was 25 i was like a lot younger because at that point in time i'd already transitioned to the reserve side in the military so i was starting early i was i was 25 years old you got gray all right and i had i had great already yeah yeah so your time in the military uh you said you st you suffer from ptsd yeah um talk on that because we're talking about healing we're talking about healing first and oftentimes in the african-american communities we don't spend enough time talking about mental health and i was so glad that you brought that up on the show because now you create a space for people to talk about that so um talk about your your struggle or your battle with ptsd so my uh my struggle with ptsd it first started when i got back from iraq in 2004. i hadn't identified that it was ptsd i just knew that um i had this inability to sleep that i would wake up with a lot of times into these night trimmers where i would have uh like explosions and different things of that nature but i wasn't associating it with with ptsd at the time uh and a young lady that i was dating um you know suggested she was like i think this may be something in regards to you you know in your military time so she's actually the one that called the va hospital first scheduled appointment for me i go and they do their assessment and they say oh you don't have ptsd you just have symptoms of ptsd and i say well if i got symptoms of ptsd wouldn't you think that i have ptsd because i don't make any sense like i'm having these night tremors i'm i'm waking up at three o'clock in the morning every single night curling up in a fetal position uh i found myself especially in large crowds around that time i did not like being a large crowd so i was always kind of like you know looking around you know checking my back you know if i heard a loud noise i was always startled by it and so once they finally diagnosed the ptsd um they prescribed me some medication that honestly i stopped taking um it made me very lethargic it put me into like a deep sleep to a point where it was almost as if i was in internally awake but my body was still asleep and i'm almost looking at myself like trying to wake myself up and i was like no i can't take this anymore and so i had to start finding other avenues to be able to to deal with it i first had to stop watching military movies i'm a military movie person uh and i realized that sometimes after watching those movies that's when that was a trigger for me yeah so i had to completely remove myself from military movies i'm better now to where i can watch it and not necessarily have that it should happen yeah but i at that particular time when it was so close i couldn't do it um and so a part of my i started working for a non-profit organization uh and and the premise of this organization is that um we would go out and serve the inner city communities that were underserved um in a lot of areas in houston and then outside of houston and i would cover the central region so i would fly to these areas and create these service opportunities for our veterans but it not only served the purpose of helping veterans but it also served the community so it brought the community together and gave them engagement and took ownership of their area at the same time working with a veteran that's been in combat and so that became therapeutic and when i noticed that it started working in me i was i was 100 all in in regards to making sure that i shared this with other veterans like hey i know you don't you know may not want to come out or want to be in a crowd but i promise you that if you come out and you see what it is we're doing and you see the effect that it's having on the people in this community i promise you to change your life and and i'm honestly wounded warrior project is the first organization that connected me with i heard about it the wounded warrior project i'm forever indebted with them because i first started with their physical health and wellness program and so there was a young lady named jackie cantu forever indebted to her and she just a great hearted great spirited person that you can tell and she wasn't even a veteran workforce organization uh and you can sense our heart was just for helping veterans and so connecting with her uh and then various other different individuals that you know when i was looking for a job at the time a guy named rudy uh connected me in the warriors rope program and so the relationships that i built there it pushed me into the non-profit sector and then that non-profit and the experience and the things that we did out there became healing for me so serving the community and and and being able to help people that are less fortunate not in the sense of oh i'm doing good and and this is a pity party for you and you know this is all it's all about this is what god mandated us to do yes and that's why i'm so um engrossed and i always try to encourage people that although the service industry may not be your industry yeah it may not but god has always given up giving each and every one of us a heart of compassion yeah so it should always be within our means to be able to help somebody yes to be able to you know do what we can do because our own personal experiences are not just for us and the moment that we can identify that and realize that the better off we'll be is that don't be ashamed about what you went in or what you dealt with don't be ashamed because you got terminated from this job yes what you what you learn from that is going to help somebody else if you're willing to be able to share that story there it is that's what this whole podcast is about is me transparently allowing people an inside look on what it what a single man goes through uh before um taking on a wife and so i i literally allow people to go on my journey as i discover uncover and recover love hey if that that hey if i'll take the headphones off because you keep trying to straighten it up and i want you to keep that hat on so we're going to put that you the first person don't need to have the headphones i want you to rock that hat right right i want you to rock that hat so you can be 100 comfortable um another thing i want to talk about so while you were dating uh you know at the the zenith the top the point of uh struggling with ptsd how did that play or how that affect your relationships i would say the the ptsd affected it because i was not uh as open uh in regards to sharing my thoughts and feelings like now i feel like i'm at a better place where i'm the older that you get the more you start identifying yeah like look you know being transparent you basically get to a point like especially like people say you know and maybe it happened before 40 but like something happened at 40 and i turned 40 when i was on the show it's to a point where it's like you know what i'm wrong i'm grown exactly what it is like i don't give a hoot but anybody else thinks about what's going on because this is my journey and when you think about life and you identify it as a journey and you look at it like when you think about a marathon i ran my first marathon uh three years ago never in a million years would have ever considered doing it i'd done a hair marathon i'd done tough mudders all those but i never saw myself running 26.2 miles but it was almost as if god was saying to me you're gonna learn something on this run and it hurt i'm telling you like i started off fine the first you know 13 miles or whatever i'm doing good and then that second half i started seeing that okay now it's gonna be now it's really hitting the fan uh but he taught me that each person that's running this journey right now they're not competing with anybody else's people with them with themselves i met a group of you know older ladies that were a group of four ladies and they would run three minutes walk three minutes run three minutes walk three minutes i met another group of young men or whatever older gentleman uh they would kind of do they kind of had the same kind of method and you had some that were just power walker the whole time so everybody had their own method to make it to the finish line but the objective was making it to that finish line talk about it even through the pain and that that was like literally a one mile away from me finishing this marathon i get the worst cramp ever and a paramedic sees me she comes over and she rubs uh like some it's like icy hot or something like that with that they released the cramp in my leg uh but i basically hobbled my way in and it was almost like this is the equivalent of life because life will throw some curve balls at you that will hurt you and sometimes you gotta just hobble just to move forward and as you're moving forward it's like god is saying i'm going to strengthen you i'm going to strengthen you i'm going to help you make it to the end and you have to have that tenacity uh on the inside to be able to make it happen but i would say to answer your question on the ptsd part is that it just affected me because i just wasn't open uh i did find myself to be agitated about a lot of things at that time especially when i was very very close uh you know coming back from iraq uh it was just this irritation level because a lot of times you know you're accustomed to the military way of doing things and when you deal with the civilian side where they don't have that mentality like we just like to get it done yeah we ain't got no time for the you know like i talked to an employer today because in the midst of what i do i also help veterans find employment so the guy was like man i really want to hire veterans i really want to you know that mindset because there is a certain mindset that comes along with the person that has served in the military and especially somebody that's been deployed in combat once you once you've been in combat like i was joking of the day somebody was like oh can you really really drive i say look i said i've been driven in combat and i've driven as a law enforcement officer yeah i can drive so i know texan driving the best thing to do but i tell people all day long i said i used to use a computer yeah without your driving because you had to be able to get updates of whatever that was on a call so computer that's just been that's just been the journey man it's you know it's it's you may get hurt along the way but you got to keep moving forward because if you sit there and sit still it's just like water that sits there and becomes stagnated it becomes unhealthy and it starts thinking and starts stinking one thing that you said that was powerful along the journey of running the marathon you said when you got a cramp somebody came a medic came and they began to rub something on you and as men we have to be willing to allow people to come help us whether that's by way of a therapist whether that's by way of just family and friends that see something wrong with us and say hey let me let me help you a little bit let me rub that little paint out for you instead i got it i'm a grown i don't care i don't care you know a lot of men we operate in such high levels of pride that we're not receptive to the help that god is trying to bring to us and so that's a that's a that's a powerful analogy that's actually spot on right there man actually when i think about associating that in in my business right now like you know i think chefs in the city is it's growing but you know i i just recently connected with a friend of mine that she does you know a lot of marketing different things and she said are you ready to release to range and when she said are you ready to release the range i kind of smiled at her like yeah she said no are you really ready because she knows how i operate not that i you know you get to a point where like this is your baby and you want to nurture but you got to get to a point where you're trusting enough to allow other people that got certain skill sets to be able to help manifest the vision that you have and that's why i feel like it's it's god is always saying like look you're not doing this alone this journey yeah it may be your path and your journey but i'm going to set people up along that path it's kind of like that road to damascus there's going to be some things that are going to take place on that path that's going to go and if you're unwilling to allow anybody into your life it's not going to get there you're going to you're going to remain at a lower level and so when you think about relationship uh and just us as a man as a whole we also we have a tendency not to want to receive help yeah i've even found myself i've had people to say hey i'm able to do this and it's like in my back of my mind i'm like do i really want them to do this but i got to trust him i i get on my son about that a lot he'll he'll be like i got it i got no you don't son let me help you as a father i'm supposed to help you at this point and then sometimes he'll ask for my help he used to do that a whole lot hey can you help me i'd be like no you go figure it out figure it out because i wanted him to exercise that muscle in his brain to learn to figure it out because manhood is also a part of figuring out oh yeah when you're raising the family and you just got laid off from your job you can't come home and be like man the white man doesn't fire me forget them yeah you just sit at home and play video games all day you got to figure it out and say okay this happened to me now how do i bounce back how do i figure out how to put food on my table that's how that's how my business started through a termination talk about it i literally i got to and i'ma say that the journey that i've been on i never in a million years would have ever seen myself being terminated um three different times it was the most hurtful thing ever uh because and this is one the nonprofit that i was sharing with you that i started working at and well the first one actually was i was working on logistics so i'm this is a company that has several chefs and we're doing the pga golf tours we're doing circus olay i'm supplying equipment to all these different places i'm there for a year and a half july 7th 2013. that's the first one then the next one that comes along i'm working for the non-profit july 7th 2015. so i started thinking to myself like like god what is going on like i'm a part of me is questioning like why is it taking place uh and it became very hurtful but through the hurt and the pain i later discovered that i was only there for a short amount of time i was there to be able to get that experience that i had to be able to sit there and like literally i never thought about becoming a chef but i would go back there and i had love with the chefs where they gave me the key to the freezer i could go back there or i could go back and watch them yeah i had the experience of being able to to deal with 18 wheelers coming in and have shipments go in and out i got all this experience through that then i go to the non-profit side and i start thinking about like right now where my heart and my compassion is in regards to the the certain communities and then the homeless and just being able to help and i remember starting this initiative uh which i haven't started as a non-profit but it's called everyday hope and it was a an initiative to be able just to provide hope for people that have given up and god reminded me that that door closed because i wanted it to close now it may have came through something that you know uh you know an infraction or maybe something that i may have missed doing but when i started looking at it as a whole i'm like i just got a pay raise from this organization they've just sent me a letter of account bo actually both companies had just given me a pay raise i had just got a letter you know stating whether we're glad that you're on board and we're looking forward to you being here in the future and so you're thinking like okay i got something that's stable that's secure and then all of a sudden it's gone and i'd realize that when a door closes it's not always closing for the purpose because because on the other side of that door is something greater yeah the thing is we have to continually look at it that way we have to get through the hurt and pain of what we're dealing with to see that you know what this may be a setup by god for you to be able to move into that next area of your life that's how chefs in the city came about it came through the hurt and the pain of what i'm dealing with but now i see why i had i needed that experience of working with those organizations because it's because creating the foundation for you to thrive in the gift that god has given you for the desire uh it's an amazing thing i had a conversation with one of my good friends yesterday and she just got laid off of her job uh yesterday and she had just been celebrated for a great accomplishment that she that that she had uh not too long ago and then yesterday she got a call that they do on a layoff and her position was a position that's getting laid off and she was just like she said she was hurt i said do you realize how awesome this is because the bible says for i know all things work together for the good of them that love god and to the call according to his purpose so the way i i i handle what may be considered a setback it's always a comeback it's always a set up for god to open up some doors for me in my life and so i said that to her i had another friend today that's opening up this uh this this girl's home for foster kids and she called me today and she just broke down crying and she was like this investor started out on this role with her and after she literally uh the investor told her to like really um do a complete rehab on the house has basically texted last night and said oh yeah well i have i'm dealing with uh my brother that's fighting for his life right now i'm not gonna be able to participate and she's like hold on you just had me tear this whole my whole facility down for you to say that and so one thing that i always and i i told the same thing i said listen for i know all things work together for the good of them that love god and to the call according to his purpose and what i've found out in my own life is that those moments because i've gotten laid off several times jobs and um but i always recognize because they always say hindsight is 20 20 exactly and so when you look back you recognize that god literally used that opportunity to set me up for the next opportunity and set me up for the next opportunity uh i'm with you in the same space that you're at when you're talking about bringing on help to help elevate you to the next level about a couple about a week ago i had a conversation with this brand manager because i want to take everything that i'm doing and take it to the next level because i said i can't do this all by myself i was like it's time for me to grow and as african-americans we're we build businesses but they're just sole proprietorships and in order to elevate to the next level we got to build some corporations exactly and so that's where god is really taking me to and saying now listen you have to bring other people in you got to relinquish control and that's what's going to take you to the next level so i'm right there that that's on point right there man because i literally explain when i think about me in business it's like oh yeah i i have a business but right now i i'm the one that's kind of doing everything i'm the marketing person i'm the the publicist i'm all of these different things and the thing is god is saying i'm putting people in your path right now uh that's gonna be able to get you to that next level because that's where i want you to be you just got to be trusting enough and so i made a post on ig yesterday or the day before and there's a uh somebody sent me a screenshot of me i guess being at the lake and i had my hands lifted up and this is right after uh joy's sister had passed away unfortunately and when i looked at the picture i thought about the picture and what came to mind was that was a moment of surrender it was a moment where i lifted my hands because when you lift when you think about when you lift your hands it's like you're basically it's almost just like you're getting recharged from the heavens but you're saying god or whatever like look i i need you and the biggest thing i've always the post was in regards to me saying the most difficult thing that i think i've ever had to do in this life is is to completely surrender there it is because when you completely surrender it's it's a whole another freeing that comes along and almost you almost have to do it daily yeah because you could find yourself being sucked back in trying to grab trying to do everything again yeah it's the same way with forgiveness when i tell people forgiveness is not for the person it's for you yes and so when you find yourself walking out of love or you know being pissed off about something somebody did did you say that you forgave him about two weeks ago or two years ago that means you have you have to remind yourself i made a decision to forgive so when i wake up in the morning i literally have to say to myself god thank you for waking me up this morning i surrender my will for your will there it is because i want my will to be in alignment with what you have going on and it sometimes it can be a a struggle yeah we say jesus take the will but do we really want to take the will you know what i mean like when you really say jesus take the will do you really want him to take the will or at least have him in a passenger seat riding along with you you know what i mean yes because you know when you're in alignment with what he wants for you then everything it just falls it just falls into place you know yeah when you're right on point with that this season two uh i surrendered season two of the podcast of god and i said god you bring the people that you want on the on the podcast uh you make the subject matter whatever you want to make it uh the i did an episode called the vow about to abstinence or vow of abstinence that i did on december the third i saw a part of that one man i took a vow to say i'm not having sex with nobody until i get married uh but if you go back a couple of episodes from that uh well a few episodes here i was on the podcast talking about with with jay barnette we were we were discussing how um i'm literally you know having sex outside of marriage as a christian man and laughing about it and jokes said hey this is this is just the season i'm at right right yeah and then fast forward god says i need you to stop all that and then i but that's what surrendering looks like it's saying god listen i give my will to you and i cast all my cares on you because you care for me you know ultimately what's going to make me a better man that's going to make me a better husband that's going to make me a better father and a man one thing that i respect about people in the military is that y'all understand authority yeah you know how to fall upon the uh under authority and you are so um inundated with that ideology that you're willing to risk your life based upon somebody in higher command to tell you hey go do xyz they'll tell you the reason why to do it and sometimes they have to tell you the reason you just gotta follow that order and go out there and do it go out there and do it yeah and if we can be that submitted to another man right then why can i be that submitted to my heavenly father exactly that's powerful right there man think about it that i'm not like the way that you put that because honestly i had never really even thought it i've always associated like the love that i have for my son and i think about if i love my son this much how much more does our heavenly father love us yes but when you gave that example right there it's like man i i took orders from a captain yep no if ands or buts about it whether it be i understood it whether it be i disagree with it i followed the orders and that that that that hits true right there man that's because you go out and do it i mean literally thousands of miles away from home in the most treacherous situations like you said bombs going off everywhere you're afraid for your life and they tell you go over there and do that and you do it and you just do it you don't question it you'll be like huh okay and you go do it and you know that hey i am in this position and i made an oath to give my life for this country and i can't give my sexuality for my heavenly father that i ultimately gonna benefit from anyway by manifesting the wife that he has desired for me and to put me in the level of self-control to where that i don't step outside of my marriage like i did in my previous marriage and so i said god god keeps it real with me he said later it's the only way you'll be faithful to your wife unless you first become faithful to me and i said i said yeah you told me that the first time he said how'd that work out for you i said i stepped out and i cheated on my last wife all right so are we gonna do something different this time well i mean but god you know on the way to meeting her like with my wife when i meet her then we cannot have sex he said what about the road there yeah what about the hearts that you break what about the soul ties that you enter into what about the women that that you sell false hope to by sleeping with them i know they say they can understand it i know that they say they can agree with they you know they like women preaching to me is all i can say man let me tell you something because that's that's where i was it was like god was like i kept saying well you know we've grown you know women nowadays they you know they build a little differently yeah if you have a real conversation with them and say are you down with this and they say we down hey you know this ain't a relationship they say cool and he says but how has that worked out for you right i mean yeah i mean some people will be able to take it and some people would be a little drama sometimes it'd be a little you know whatever like no i didn't build you like that you're not an f boy yeah you are a kingdom man you can't operate under those same principles i gotta elevate you to another level and i need you to die to yourself so surrendering all is dying to yourself and say god i'm gonna take the order you're my commander-in-chief whatever you tell me to do you ultimately know the provision you know the plans in front of me so let me go and submit my video all i can say is i sat here in the seat of whatever if it wasn't to hear anything else it was to hear that man that's actually something internally that i've just been personally struggling with where i it's like i'm hearing it and it's like dude you got to get to that point because when you think about where you're at right now it may once once you die to that part yes you know it may be a struggle where it's like man you really crave it but once you know that you're in the will of god the way that the will of god wants you to be things things think things just just like smooth sailing so to hear that and hear you to share it like that it's like i mean that's almost like god saying dude i've been telling you this and i'm gonna tell you this again i'm gonna have you come to dallas i'm gonna put you on the plane you're gonna play the dallas and come hear it again because the reality is that god told me that free men free men and so i couldn't have a conversation like that with somebody if i was in bondage i'm not playing church i'm not sitting there telling you what i heard what i what well i should say yeah it's what i lived and i lived in the spirit of rebellion without even thinking that i'm being rebellious and and god said now how's that and i don't even miss it like i don't i've had enough sex in my life to last me for a lifetime and so i don't miss it i'm literally at a point in what feels so great is being in the will of god yeah to literally wake up and like because at first i kept saying no god what am i gonna do with these urges i have i don't even have any urges yeah you know what i'm saying it was all these thoughts that i had in my mind leading up to this that that was just lies i told myself because after walking into it god has given me the grace over it i like that and that's one thing we have to understand is that god will meet you in the mid in the point of submission right he will meet you with grace so at the point of submission he will meet you with grace and that's why he says not my will but let thy will be done jesus had to do that same act of submission you think it was it was easy for him to surrender his life he said oh god lord god of heavenly father man please take this cup from me yeah so i have my take this cut from me moment i don't want to do this guy and then i had to say but god not my will but let thy will be done and then his grace covered me dude i ain't never been wanting to sit there and shout and run in the church but i'm telling you you're gonna make me jump up out of the seat or whatever it's just it's something special man i can tell you i i share with with many people is that that god is always speaking to us in one way yeah whether it be we're sitting on the couch you know some popcorn watching the tv commercials that he he's going to reiterate the same message like the word of god is the word of god but if we don't catch it from there he's going to give him give it to us another way and so i i just love moments like this because it's it's just almost that that co-signing of like okay i've already told you this so what has he been saying to you literally in regards to just the whole sexual topic and just when you think about surrendering like you know you don't want to just surrender parts of you you want to surrender all of you yeah and so that when you think about just that particular aspect sex is a powerful thing it is sex is a unifying thing god created it to be a good thing a lot of time and so when you know when i think about being in in the mix of it always in my mind i'm like ed when you know you're doing wrong but then you're also justifying yeah be like hey and you got to get i got to get myself to a point where i'm even in that in that vein of doing it because i realize that that's where the perfect will of god exists the perfect flow of god exists because when i'm in in in that flow i think i even said it in the post when i'm in that flow that's when the things that the things that he wants to happen in our lives they happen it's not just like the little blessings that go here and here because you know when when we think about the definition of a blessing sometimes we'll we'll look at it as the the physical things that we're receiving yeah and of course when growing up i used to always think oh well god bless me and got this well the blessing is already inside of you because he's empowered you to be able to manifest certain things in your life so when you think about if you're in that complete will in a way that he wants you to operate it's almost like the midas touch everything you touch is turns to gold because you're you're operating in his will and so i've been struggling with that dude but i'm hearing you say it and it's like edwin dude you you know you know what you got to do and then they hear you say about the grace that it gives you in regards to it i like that because it's like you know when i think about the marathon again i'm running and and the pain moment hits but the paramedic comes out and that's almost like jesus a god just coming out saying i got you are you hurting but i got you and you're going you're going to finish this race and you're going to finish it strong i'm talking about you about the run let me tell you something i'm about to tear this whole studio let me tell you something the grace the paramedic will meet you and in the bible he says that he's the great physician yeah so the reality is there's no there's no hurt that he can't heal there's no situation that he can't that he can't walk us through you know what i'm saying and that's why the bible says greater is he that is in me than he that's in the world so whatever we're battling against you got you got you got your arm troops around you got the armed force you got everybody you got the military squad you got everybody right that that's going to fight your battle for you and so that's the thing that i just want to encourage you i didn't even realize that that was going to resonate to you like that or resonate with you like that but uh like i said i'm i'm i'll be your accountability partner when you want to walk through this yeah uh because that's what god is calling us to be and the place that he wants us to walk in as kingdom men we got to be different than just the typical man that's out there uh and like i said god's grace would meet us there so as you continue to walk through this healing journey um as you continue becoming the one for the one uh what does that look like what does dating look like for you you know dating right now for me is it's going to be it's going to have to be really intentional i can say right now it hasn't really taken place the way i've kind of gotten back into the flow of work and getting things you know going there but uh i would say that it's going to have to be something that's very intentional in regards to me because i could say that when i think about past situations i haven't been intentional the way that i should uh and so moving forward i think even in the mix of just the self-care and me taking time for myself i think if i allow myself just that time of taking care of me a little bit then i could truly invest in somebody else and say okay well hey let's do this and let's let's enjoy life together because you know there's just so much i think so much beauty in and what god has provided us on this earth is that you know yeah you could experience it alone but i think there's there's a benefit in being unified with somebody yes that you can grow with and and then you know grow old with like i want to grow old with somebody i want to i want to be an old chef in the kitchen you know you know bringing come in come in pancakes or you know what i mean but i want to grow old with somebody and i think that's just a special thing and i think moving forward i just have to be uh at that place of being intentional the biggest word that i could ever use is setting the right right intentions with whoever it may be they say that uh a man knows do you think that you will know when you meet her you know that i've always heard that that's one of the things that i i would like to say that that will happen you know i because i overthink things sometimes i think you know i i found myself at a point like kyle is this a person or you're going to be there you know or then sometimes i'll find something that may be wrong with them and it's like dude are you like nobody's gonna be 100 perfect yes that's what i first have to identify nobody's going to be perfect but i i i believe that a lot of times you know you will because you know when when you think about you know god knows what it is you need and and god knows what it is that other person needs and i believe that the moment that uh you know you tap in with that person you know i've heard a lot of my guys were like dude i just knew like i talked to a good buddy of mine the other day that i deployed to iraq with and uh he asked me say dude are you ready like are you really ready to get married like he was coming from a place like dude are you really ready to sit down are you really ready to put away you know the childish things are you really ready to to do what you have to do and i said dude i believe that i am you know so you know him saying that because like he's already married now and he was a dude or whatever that was like never gonna get married i never i was like my man jay sent me gonna ever get out there right now but you know but he but he did and he's a great great guy man so i you know i i got much love and respect for him for just even asking me that because it really put me in a place of stopping the thing like edwin are you really ready and then when you say are you ready what does ready look like and what is this what does it mean to be ready because we can say verbally we're ready but everything else is in shambles so that's the reason why i say going back to that self-care and and when i say self-care breaking that down and what does self-care look like you know the the therapy side of things making things you know in regards to relationship with my father that may not have been the best because he wasn't a part of my life and reestablishing relationship there for the sake of my son yeah because you know there are generational curses that exist and i believe that now as much as i didn't want to be that person um to have to break those it's like god's saying no dude you the person yeah your daddy ain't gonna pick up the phone or whatever and say son i love you son this son that you're gonna have to be that person there it is or you may be the person to have to you know whatever that generational curse is it's like sometimes we have to identify that as much as we don't want to accept that mantle sometimes the mantle is put on us because god has gifted us in a certain area to be able to to to change the the dynamic of the way that our family has been and i'm definitely you know i'm all on board with doing that with mine right now when you're preaching it's the same thing i walked through last episode last week episode we talked about that and hill brother hill too uh i talked to my son about that um armani were very open about that i adopted him about a year ago a year and a half ago and i told him that i allowed him to keep his last name uh because i said it's your job to change the trajectory of your father's last night and i said you've experienced a lot of hurt and pain i said that mantle is on you now yeah and uh you're the remnant and so um and this sister cried she came to the uh adoption and she was just like wow she just looked over at me when the judge because i ask you a series of questions they say uh you are saying that you want him to keep his last name and i said yes your honor and she just looked at me she said thank you you know and i told her after that i said it's because it's his job i understand the mandate uh and i believe he's gonna be exceptional with it uh so um listen man i'm looking forward to seeing what happens with you can't wait till you uh bring that love into your life bring that woman into your life i definitely want to invite you back on the podcast when you do uh how can people reach out to you on social media drop your social media handle so my uh social media instagram is chefs in the city 713 uh and you can find me also on facebook chefs in the city 713 as well uh twitter i just finally created a twitter account so you know my friends are you know they jokingly call me hollywood so my my uh my alias right now my alter ego is hollywood hollywood henderson hollywood henderson chef everyone holly aka hollywood henderson there it is hollywood henderson uh so definitely but you're most active on instagram right i'm most active on instagram yeah so that's where your dm is on fire yeah it's it's yeah yeah yeah it's completely full right now dude so so what happens when uh real quick when somebody reaches out to you on on ig do you even respond to a lot of them i will be honest i say i do i i gradually try to respond and that's why when i do these cooking lives i know that there have been a lot of people that said oh i sent you a message you never responded i i try to make it my point to be able to to respond back because i feel like there's been times that i've reached out to people maybe not necessarily anybody that been on tv but there's been local chefs in the city of houston that are well known and when i first got into the industry you know there was something that i gravitated to in regards to how they operated business-wise and i just wanted to kind of pick my mind never responded now maybe they didn't get the message yeah but i told myself i didn't want to be the person that just didn't respond or i feel like i'm so out of touch yeah because i tell people i say i'm a regular person like the rest of you all on the same journey of trying to to walk in what god desires for me uh and so i try even if it's somebody a lady that's trying to shoot her shot yeah i may say you know she may send pictures or something and i say oh lovely you know thank you for the pictures lovely pictures but you know you shoot the shot all day long until you hear swish you know may not you may not necessarily hear switch with me but you know i i try to show love back because i'm gonna be honest with you dude i've gotten on a lot of love from men too a lot of love in regards to me being transparent on the show and so yes i didn't think it was going to have that kind of you know impact uh but it's great to see that even though they only showed me in that one you know particular light that it it resonated with so many people that you know and women are saying hey i've struggled with just being open and honest but now because of watching you on the show i'm at a place now where i'm opening up more or i'm sharing my feelings more i'm actually getting ready to go into therapy because i really feel like i need to do x y z so and that's the reason why i invited jim because that resonated with me um and the women that you were building connections with i thought that you were even choosing from a wise standpoint you know even trying to connect with joy joy seems like a pretty solid woman amazing absolutely amazing but she seems very solid and so i was like okay all right i see i see how you're moving and then when you were transparent enough to be vulnerable in that scene with her i said i want to talk to that brother yeah i told myself why you know going to a situation uh and not be 100 authentic on who i am um i never in a million years saw myself doing a reality show it wasn't like i was like you know i want to crave in person like i really got to be on the reality show you know some people may desire that yeah i honestly had not responded to whoever the uh the talent scout was or you know was searching yeah when they when they sent me a message in my id account uh and then eventually i responded i said you know what i said it's 20 20. i said you know the rona is here yeah i said godzilla let me attack in 2021. yeah we don't know what's going to happen so i say i'll just take the opportunity and say i'm not in a relationship uh and and i honestly believe that it was a part of the whole plan that god wanted me on because like when i think about like how you share things today uh that have just kind of touched my spirit there were things that were shared while i was on the show in conversation with men and in conversations with joy and you know rasheed there was so many of those moments it makes me wonder okay well would i have gotten that same you know thought process from somebody else back at home it was like it was it wasn't it was intense it was intended for that because that's what when god says i will order your steps the steps of a righteous man are ordered he'll have you move to where you need to move to hear this conversation over here to move over here to hear that conversation and then because you was on that show it brought you on this podcast for you to hear this conversation and you and i are going to stay connected and so it's just this is how god is you know especially if you're a man of god he has to move like that on our behalf and so uh man i'm excited for you uh best of luck with your business i speak blessings on your business i want god to anoint it um and just blow that dog gone thing through the water just blow it up i received that you get so much business you can't handle it yeah hey y'all give it up for edwin henderson appreciate your man pleasure yes sir discover uncover recover love with the new dear future collection the journey starts from within let your inner thoughts find freedom on the pages of this richly hued dear future blue sapphire edition genuine leather journal it features a cross-stitch spine and luxurious cording to bind your deepest insights a great accompaniment is the dear future luxury bamboo fountain pen there's nothing more intentional than the writing process of a fountain pen this is an elegant writing work of art join the thriving community of fountain pen enthusiasts and purchase one today these exclusive items and more are available at [Music] dearfuturewifey.com i really enjoyed uh talking to edwin thank you edwin for showing up as your authentic self i really really found value in this conversation that we had well in the month of february i decided to write a poem to my future wifey and celebrate her and honor her um for the month of february since this is a month of love and so this is the second installment of love edition we'll just call that love edition we just made that up dear future wifey this valentine's day has got me in my feelings your love got me like lionel i'm dancing on the ceiling your beautiful curves are so appealing our cards are on the table let's start dealing i'm willing to debunk my masculinity embrace your femininity love you to infinity with my body soul in the spirit that's the trinity are you hearing me said that's the trinity go ahead and cheer with me i'll lay hands on you whether praying or playing feel what i'm saying cuddle up beside your sexy body when we're laying if you don't get your cold feet off my leg girl i'm playing this is until death do we part so i'm staying you and me ten thousand demons we are slaying look that up in deuteronomy our love is an anomaly we have complete autonomy loving each other honestly queen let's build this dynasty we thrown it ain't no rivalry our destiny was meant to be i can't wait till you marry me i can't wait till you marry me our love will become the personification of this poetry your future thank you for listening to the dear future wifey podcast remember be lit live intentionally and transparent and don't stop loving make sure to subscribe to our dear future wifey youtube channel we're available on apple podcast google podcast spotify and stitcher we welcome your support simply share our podcast with your friends and family

Channel: Dear Future Wifey

Views: 20,634

Rating: 4.9609375 out of 5

Keywords: dallas, love, podcast, relationships, black love matters, black men, Christianity, healing, weddings, marriage

Id: bRh0W4Ho9yM

Length: 59min 14sec (3554 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 10 2021