Have you ever been
steamrolled by your boss? To be steamrolled in the literal
sense means to be flattened or crushed by something that overpowers
you. In the figurative sense, it might be the feeling
of being flattened, crushed or defeated by
someone else. A month ago, Mary left this comment on one of
my other Confident English lessons. "I'm dealing with a boss
who gets impatient with me
when I'm trying to explain myself, English is my second
language. I get very nervous. Every time I have a meeting with her
and it is worse when I know that my colleagues are attending the meetings
to my heart starts pounding and my hands get very sweaty." When
I read that comment, the first word that came to
mind is that word steamrolled, the feeling of being steamrolled.
When others don't give us the space, we need to organize our thoughts
and say what we need to say. So what's the solution. When you're trying to organize your
thoughts or put your words together in English, how can you avoid
getting steamrolled by others? If you don't already know I'm
Annemarie was Speak Confident English. This is exactly where you want to be
every week to get the confidence you want for your life and work in English. With
this Confident English lesson today, you'll be able to overcome that anxiety, that pounding heart
and those sweaty hands. You'll also be able to comfortably
open a dialogue with your boss and clearly communicate your
thoughts all by effectively managing frustration and impatience. Let's take a look. At six different strategies
you can use to do all of that. These strategies can be used
individually or in combination. And I'll share with you some essential
phrases to keep in your back pocket. Strategy number one is
breathe and buy yourself some time. This is definitely a strategy my Fluency
School students should be familiar with. When we feel that others are
getting impatient or frustrated, panic starts to kick in. And when we panic or
feel increased anxiety, we tend to lose our train of thought. We lose our ability to organize
information clearly in our minds. The best way to mitigate
this situation is to breathe. When we breathe appropriately, when
we use deep breathing techniques, we can calm our anxiety and
improve our ability to think clearly, while you do all of this, you can also buy yourself some time. What that means is you say something so it seems like you're beginning
to answer a question. While, at that moment, you are breathing deeply and
quickly organizing your thoughts. So you're able to express them. Here's a great phrase to use when you
need to breathe and by yourself just a moment to think. That's a
really interesting question. Give me just a second to think about
it. Again, as you say those words, your listeners have the impression that
you're beginning to answer the question, but what you're really doing is giving
your brain an extra moment to think about what it is you want
to say. Alternatively, if you feel the pressure to answer
immediately without any extra time to think embrace pauses. What that means is when
someone asks you a question, instead of immediately
rushing into answer, allow yourself a moment to just pause. It seems uncomfortable
the first time you do it, because what that means is there's
just a moment of silence, silence, but a brief pause allow
you the time to breathe. It gives you a moment to clarify
the thoughts in your head. And when you begin to answer the question, you will be clear and you will
sound thoughtful or intentional. Let me give you an example
of what that looks like. I'll start first with an
easy question. Annemarie, how did you meet your husband? Oh, we met over 20 years ago when
I was living in Prague... Do you notice that I immediately started
answering the question that's because it's an easy one for me. I
know that story really well. And I've told it many times.
But if you ask me a question, that's more difficult. A question where I would like to have
a little bit of time to just organize a few thoughts. Here's what that
would look like. Annemarie, what are your future goals for Speak
Confident English? That's a really great question. And it's a question
that I think about a lot... Do you notice in that
moment I did a few things: I briefly paused. I gave myself a moment to breathe
and I bought myself some time by acknowledging that it's a good question
and saying that it's something I've thought about a lot. I'm not directly answering
your question right away. I'm breathing, pausing and
buying myself some time. And while I'm doing all of that, my brain is working to
organize my thoughts so that
I can answer your question clearly. Strategy number two, for dealing with difficult bosses
and managing frustration or impatience is to lead with your end point. When you're dealing with someone
who's impatient for a response, it's important to be concise and
communicate your ideas clearly. The best way to do that is to
immediately state your main point or your end point. The final goal of
everything you're going to say. Again, let me give you an example. Step one is to make the
dough with water and flour. Next step two is to make the pizza
sauce. Next start step three, which is to cut up all the vegetables and
get your cheese ready and finally roll out the dough, put all your toppings
on and put the pizza in the oven. Did that seem a little bit strange to you? You probably figured out that I was giving
you some very basic steps for making a pizza, but in the first
moment you probably thought, what is she talking about? And what is the point
of what she's saying? I didn't give you my main point or
my end point at the very beginning. So let me go back and fix that. If we're having a conversation about
cooking or how to make a pizza, and I want to start with my end point
so that everything I say is clear to you, then I would start with: There are four simple steps to making
a good pizza step number one is... And then I can continue. By
starting with that end point, you make the purpose of what you
want to say clear from the very beginning and you help
to prevent potential impatience or frustration. Strategy number three is
to embrace the power of writing. Sometimes the more
we try to explain something, the easier is to get lost
in translation. In the end, you might feel frustrated and others
listening to you might feel frustrated or impatient as well. If you're feeling particularly
anxious or you don't yet have the confidence, you need to clearly articulate
your thoughts and it's appropriate. You can always request to
share your thoughts in writing. And here's a simple way to do that. If someone asks a question and
they're waiting for you to respond, you could say, I would love to give you a clear picture
and explain my thoughts in detail. Do you mind if I do that in writing and
get back to you by email this afternoon? Now I want to reiterate this
isn't always a possible solution. There are times in discussions where
you have to respond in the moment, but if you're having a one-on-one
with your boss and it's not an urgent situation, this is definitely something
you can consider. Step number four, to help prevent frustration or
impatience in a conversation while you're organizing your thoughts is
to ask clarifying questions. We do that by repeating
back what was said, based on our understanding and
asking whether our understanding is accurate. Asking clarifying questions
does two things really well. Number one, it shows that
you're actively listening, trying to understand what
the speaker has said, and it helps to prevent
misunderstandings to get you started. Here are a few great ways to start
a clarifying question. Number one, just to clarify, you're asking me to... And then repeat what you understand
or what you heard the speaker say. Number two. I'd like to make sure I
understand you clearly. You said... And then again, repeat back
what you heard or understood. Number three, I'd like to go back
to something you said a moment ago. Could you explain what you meant by...?
Now, you may be thinking, but Annemarie, that's the problem. When I
ask clarifying questions, my boss gets frustrated with me and
that leads me to strategy number five: reframe the conversation. This is a little similar to
leading with your end point. Let me explain what I mean. If someone is already feeling
impatient, frustrated, or they're rushing you,
you asking more questions, might increase those negative feelings. But we can reduce that negativity
and open the door for more dialogue by reframing the conversation, rather than focusing on not
understanding what was said or needing clarification. You want to focus on the fact
that you want to do your job perfectly well. You want to deliver a product that is
exactly what your boss or your coworker wants. And by starting
with that focus in mind, it will encourage your boss or
your coworkers to be open to questions. Let me give you a
concrete example of what I mean. Let's say that your boss is asking
you to deliver a budget analysis, but you have some questions
about it. Instead of saying, I have a few questions for you. You
could start with this. Okay, Susan, that sounds great. I'd like to ask just two questions so
that I can be a hundred percent sure to give you an analysis that is laid
out exactly the way you want it. For someone who is already
impatient or frustrated by reframing the conversation in this way, you are helping them justify the
extra time that might be needed to answer those questions because
your boss of course wants the final product to be exactly
what she's looking for. And it is in her interest
to help you do that. And now strategy number six on our
list for dealing with a difficult boss or someone who is steamrolling
you through impatience and frustration address the issue. I know that when we're
communicating in a second language, we naturally assume that others
are impatient or frustrated with us because we're taking too long to
think, or we're not clear when we speak. But the reality is that
isn't always the truth. Someone else's frustration or impatience
might be something totally unrelated to you, something that's causing
stress outside of work. It may be a lack of
communication in general, unexpressed expectations, or maybe it's simply your boss's
working style and personality. And everyone feels that the
boss is impatient or frustrated. If that's the case, or if all of the other strategies you've
tried have failed and you still feel steamrolled, here's what you can do. Request an opportunity to have
a conversation with your boss and address the issue. I recommend
that you do that in writing, using a quick email, and here are a
couple of ways you can make that request. I've noticed some difficulty in
communicating my thoughts clearly, would you mind sparing a few minutes to
meet with me and help me understand how I can best communicate my thoughts
to you? In that conversation, you might discover a new way of
expressing yourself or a new way to share what you're thinking. And now let's talk about a second way
to request a meeting, but to do that, let's create a context. Let's say that you've been working on a
project and there has been a lot of back and forth. Clearly there are some
misunderstandings and as a result, there's increased frustration
in a quick email to your boss, you could say I've reviewed
your changes and suggestions. To ensure that this project
moves forward smoothly, would you mind taking a few minutes to
meet with me and share your expectations in that conversation? The goal is to open a dialogue so
that you clearly understand the expectations and have an opportunity
to respond so that you can move forward on the project successfully. And with that you have six different
strategies for dealing with a difficult boss or handling others who are
impatient or frustrated while you're trying to communicate what you
want to say. Before we finish, I'd love to ask you two
questions. Number one, how do you typically handle situations
when others are impatient or frustrated? If you have a strategy that has been
successful for you definitely share it in the comments below your strategy
might be exactly what someone else in the Confident English community
is looking for. And question number two, now that you're equipped
with these new strategies, which one do you see
yourself using going forward? Is there a strategy that stood
out to you the most? Again, you can share with me
in the comments below, if you found today's lesson
useful, I would love to know. You can tell me in one very simple way, give this lesson a thumbs up here on
YouTube and subscribe to the Speak Confident English channel. So you never miss one of my
Confident English lessons. Thank you so much for joining me. And
I look forward to seeing you next time.
