Recently I was in a conversation with
one of my students and I had to take a moment to tell her I needed to clear
all the cobwebs in my head and really put on my critical-thinking,
analytical skills, because we were talking about something
that was absolutely beyond me. It was a topic that was unfamiliar to me. We were discussing genomes and DNA... Things that are not my area of expertise. And I have to admit in that conversation. There was a moment where I
thought maybe I should just stay silent, pretend I understand, and hope that she doesn't
ask me any questions, but that is not the path
to confidence in any conversation or in any language. So instead I took a moment to be honest, and I asked her a series of clarifying
questions so that I could fully. Understand what she was talking about. And it was able to learn
so much along the way. I was also able to stay
active in that conversation. If you don't already know, I'm
Annemarie with Speak Confident English, everything I do here is designed to
help you get the confidence you want for your life and work in
English. And today, we're. Going to get deep into
all of the different conversations. You might have where you'll need
to ask clarifying questions. There are a variety of reasons that
we feel lost in a conversation. There are reasons why we get confused
and some of those are beyond our control, but we always have that choice. We have the choice to remain silent
and say nothing and hope that. No one knows we feel lost,
or we can ask appropriate. Questions and stay fully engaged
in the conversation successfully. That's what we're going to
do today. In this lesson, you're going to learn 13 ways
to clarify when you're feeling lost or when you don't understand
someone in the conversation. By the end, you'll be fully confident. Asking those clarifying questions
without any fear or embarrassment. And you'll know that you successfully
navigated the conversation. To help us started. Let's look quickly at the four different
scenarios we're going to review and why you may need clarification. Scenario number one, what kinds of questions should you
ask when someone's opinion isn't clear? Scenario number two. What to say. When someone's thoughts
aren't clearly connected. Maybe they are sharing a lot of details, but there's no clear
connection among them. Scenario number three, what to say when
you need more details. And finally, scenario number four, what to say when
you're feeling lost in the conversation, either because a new
word or phrase was used, or the topic is just unfamiliar
to you. In each scenario, we're going to talk about effective
strategies and the right questions to use. So let's get into scenario number one. What to say when someone's
opinion, isn't clear. We've all been in conversations
when someone begins to respond to a question and they share
a variety of details, but in the end you still
don't know what they think. You still don't know which side of
the issue they're on or what their opinion really is. When you don't know where
someone stands on an issue. The best way to clarify is to
highlight what you heard and confirm your understanding. Here are a few example questions
that will help you do that. If I understood you correctly,
you're saying that..., And then you'll paraphrase or state. What you think. Their opinion is in your own words. And
then you can finish with, am I correct? Another question: you made an
interesting point about..., And then insert the
detail and continue with. So do you believe that..., And then insert the opinion that
you understand them to have. And I'll give you a clear
example of this in a moment. A third clarifying question that you
can use is to summarize what you're saying is, and then again, insert what you understand or what you
think their opinion is. And finally, a last question you can use is it
sounds like you disagree with this statement, or it sounds like you agree
with this statement, is that right? Now that we have those examples
of clarifying questions, let's look at it in context,
let's look at a real situation. Imagine you're having a conversation
with team members about a recent company update. And one of them isn't very
clear about her opinion on the update. Here's what you could say. You made an interesting point about the
disadvantages of changing this company policy. So do you think the policy should remain
the same and they shouldn't make any changes? In that example, I'm restating what I
heard that individual say, and I'm asking them about the
opinion I think they have. In doing that. I'm also asking
them to clarify their position. And now let's move on
to scenario number two, what to say when someone
else's thoughts or details, aren't clearly connected and you really
don't understand what they're trying to say. When that happens and you feel lost, the reality is others in the
room probably feel the same way. And it is the speaker who is
responsible for making their points clear. So some great clarifying questions
you could ask to help them do that. Are. Could you explain how. A and B are related to each other? Or. Could you explain how. Insert a specific detail
and insert another detail are related to each other
question? Number two, I didn't really catch
the main point. Can you. Tell me how A is related
to B? Or can you tell. Me how these two things are connected? Or a third option is can I ask
for some clarification? Would you. Mind explaining how A. Is connected to B? When we
ask those kinds of questions, we're actually doing the
speaker a favor. Again, if you're feeling lost others in the room
are probably feeling that way as well. And when we communicate, of course,
we want to express ourselves clearly. We want others to be on the same page. When we ask these clarifying questions, we're giving the speaker
the opportunity to be clear. Let me show you how this
works in an example. Suppose you're in a book club
and someone isn't clearly. Explaining how a character
relates to the theme of the book. In that situation, you could say, I
didn't quite catch the main point. How does the theme of darkness
connect back to this character? Now, before we move on to scenario three. I know that you might be
thinking, but Annemarie, isn't that a little rude or. Will I be telling them that they're
wrong? And again, absolutely not. You're using perfectly
polite, appropriate language, and you're giving that speaker
the opportunity to be understood. That is a great thing to do. Now let's move on to
scenario number three. What to ask when you
just need more details. I'm sure that you've been in
conversations when a speaker's. Opinion or their idea is really. Vague. There's a lack of clarity, a lack of detail there. And when someone's idea
or opinion is vague, it can lead to confusion
or even frustration. So when we need more details,
we need something more concrete, here are some great
clarifying questions to use. I'd like to understand your thoughts
further. Could you tell me more about...? Number two. I like your ideas on that.
Could you give me more. Details on...? And number three,
those are some interesting points. Could you expand on the details? Again, let's look at how this might
work in a real life situation. Imagine you're talking to a doctor who
recommends a particular medication, but kind of glosses over or is
very vague about the potential side effects. If you're going to take some medication
or someone love is going to do that, you want to know all the details. So a great way to do that is ask for
the details. And here's how you can, I'd like to understand
your thoughts further. Could you tell me a bit more about the
possible side effects and how those might be managed? And now let's finish up with scenario
four on what to say when you're feeling lost, because
the topic is unfamiliar. Or maybe a word. Or phrase that someone used is new to you. And these are very similar to the
questions I asked my student in our conversation about genomes
and DNA. In any conversation, a speaker might be very
clear about their opinion and the details, but it's just a topic that
you're unfamiliar with, or you've not learned that particular
vocabulary. When that's the case, i's always best to ask. I know there's the temptation to
stay silent, but in doing that, you lose an opportunity, an opportunity to learn and stay
engaged in the conversation. So here are a few great questions to
ask, to get the clarification you need. I apologize. I haven't
heard that word before. I haven't heard that phrase before. Could you tell me what you mean by.... And that is very similar to what I
used in my conversation with a student. She was talking about a very specific
term that I had never seen or heard before; I was totally unfamiliar with it. So I needed to ask her what she meant
by it. A second question you can ask is, uh, just to clarify what does ____ mean, and you would simply repeat the word
or phrase, what does _____ mean? And finally, a third option
is to simply state, sorry, I'm not so familiar with this topic.
Could you tell me more about it? And if you've been in one of
my classes with me, you know, that there's another phrase I
love to use in those situations. I also like to say, explain
it to me like I'm five. Explain it to me like I'm
a five-year-old child. Sometimes we just need it
to be extremely simple. And when it is. Everything's clear and we can totally
be involved in the conversation. Now. That you have a variety of
strategies and clarifying questions. To use when you don't understand
someone or things just aren't clear, let's do a bit of
practice. I have two questions for you, and I want you to use what you've learned
today to think about how you would respond and request clarification.
So question number one, imagine you're in a book
club or a podcast club, and someone is sharing their
thoughts about the book or podcast. And you just don't see. The connections. You're not
really sure what she's trying say. How could you request
clarification and question number two, what would you ask if your
coworker gives very little explanation about why there need to be
some changes to a project that you're working on? You get that
there's a request for changes, but you're not really sure why
you're unclear on the details. How could you ask for clarification? You can share your answers
with me in the comments below. If you found today's lesson useful
to you. I would love to know. And you can tell me in
one very simple way, give this lesson a thumbs up here
on YouTube. And while you're at it, subscribe to the Speak
Confident English channel. So you never miss one of my
Confident English lessons. Thank you so much for joining me. And
I look forward to seeing you next time.
