Darrin Patrick - Lessons Learned in Losing My Church - Numbers 20:1-13

my hope is that for those of you sitting there dreaming about ministry and involved in ministry that you will learn now some of these lessons so that you don't have to repeat the mistakes that I made so that you can serve the Lord and not have to sit out and and be able to honor his name and I was thinking about which text to choose and and this text is very interesting because we learn a lot about Moses and when I look at Moses specifically this story I see a lot of myself in Moses now not not all the glory but the glory and this is might make no mistake about it the worst point and Moses his life and he's going through some things in verse one we see that Miriam has died now this is significant for a couple reasons we'll get to the other part of that in a second but this is his first core group for you those of you go to church planters and missionaries they have died now that generation is gone and he has to lead differently and so Moses of my first point would be this Moses is in a leadership transition here in numbers chapter 20 and what happens is in ministry and you will see this is you will get in these places where how you were leading in a previous season is not working in for the next season and I'm not talking about situational ethics I'm not talking about I'm saying that you have to respond differently at certain times and if you lead the way you were leading it will get you in trouble and they got Moses in trouble because he's having to enter a new season with a new group of people and and one of the things that that happened to me this is a little thing that you may have read about called Ferguson that happened in our city and our church was heavily involved with nonprofits that we had started and in relationships that we had and because I had just written a book that had done really well I was out traveling with a book instead of being present with my in my church during that difficult time it's hard to it's hard to it's very easy to underestimate what that did to our city our city was on fire literally and certainly spiritually and I wasn't leading like I should have I wasn't present and there ceases the Ministry of grind where you just got to get your hustle on it's hard and there's seasons of rest there's seasons of empowerment and delegation and there's seasons where you have to just lead and in a sense do the ministry on your own you have to discern and embrace and lean into the season that you're in and a failure to do so could cause serious problems in your ministry so Moses is in a transition Moses is receiving criticism I know this has never happened to you in ministry but it happened to Moses that he's got people quarreling and like we wish we would have died verses two through five we wish we would have died in Egypt than to come with you why are we being led by you you are not taking care of us you're not doing what you promised and here's what's crazy they grumble but Moses is humble they accuse but he prays he literally responds to this criticism in a humble manner now we think he's responding in a humble manner and maybe he is but a lot of times you can like listen to critique you can even outwardly respond but there may be some other things going on in terror internally in your interior life I had a couple of these things in my process people say man how did you get to the place that you got to how did you not see the science did you not and I remember people confronting me and me going yes that I see that I understand that but inwardly I was stubborn inwardly I wasn't responsive and what I found with after talking to now I don't even know how many probably a few hundred that had disqualified themselves they all say this God warned me God gave me opportunities to repent I was confronted I was set it you know talked to privately I was talked and they said many of them this this statement that haunts me and I listened but I didn't hear it and I shook my head but i hardened my heart and this is what happened to me and I think this is what what is happening to Moses and and it seems like it didn't seem like that way if you look in in verse you know 9 Moses takes the staff and God has said you know I want you to use this staff and what's he supposed to do with the staff and what's he supposed to do to the rock well he's supposed to speak to the rock but in verse 10 Moses and Aaron gathered it similarly together before the wall rock and he said to them hear now you rebels shall we bring hot water out of the rock for you now God has said we know this from the text I want you to speak to the rock now Moses is saying something negative against the people wait I thought he just responded I thought he rightly humbled himself no something else is going on and now this is how you know you're not responding to criticism this is how you know there's some things going on that some seeds that are growing in you that might cause your leadership and even your life destruction you start getting sloppy with what God said he's sloppy with God's Word God didn't tell him to say verse 10 you rebels now it's interesting who are they rebelling against the people Moses says shall we bring walk brought water out of this rock in other words Moses is saying you're rebelling against us this is done to do with God you're hurting my leadership feelings you're not listening to my counsel now I don't think passengers decide one day hey you know what I'm gonna substitute my words for God's words I don't think we wake up and say we're gonna get a little bit off but but when you get tired and you get betrayed perhaps or you start receiving criticism you can get sloppy and many pastors go from preaching the text to using the text to justify their exhaustion or their anger and they beat people up instead of being surgeons with the Word of God they become butchers and this is what Moses is doing now I'm a little sympathetic to him and I remember reading this verse before I planted a church and before I was really in full-time ministry second Timothy 2:24 25 says the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome kind to everyone able to teach patiently and during evil correcting his opponents with gentleness so that God may perhaps grant them repentance leading through the knowledge of the truth and escape the snare of the devil and I remember reading that I'm like that verse didn't make sense till I planted a church that it verse didn't make sense to I was a pastor because it takes a tremendous amount of patience and Submission to lead and there's nothing more frustrating that when when you are trying to lead people and you are trying to counsel them and teach them and they don't listen to you you take it personally like they don't do what you say and then they blame you for the consequences of not doing what you say never happen this is what's going on with Moses I think he's got a little sacrifice righteousness going on you know about sacrifice righteousness that's when you have extended yourself and you have prayed and you have given and you have served and people aren't responding to you the way that you think they should I study 25 hours a week for a sermon and you aren't getting fed I just laid myself out I had sleepless nights I took that time away from my family to help you with your marriage and now you're getting a divorce and it's my fault it gets old and you get tired and you start getting sloppy and you start using this book as a tool for your ministry instead of a treasure for your heart Wayne Cordeiro is a pastor in Hawaii and he did this illustration years ago he said the key to ministry is this but what happens to us is we start doing this what are we what are we forgetting the heart the word of God is a treasure not a tool and Moses is getting sloppy and one of the reasons is he's got some unresolved emotions who was Miriam who's his sister he's grieving he's grieving not only is his first core group gone now his sister is gone and he's dealing with some sadness those of you have been administer do you remember the first person that had been a pastor do you remember the first person who left your church because of you or so they said I remember that and they're being really sad and then about 47 people later it didn't hurt so bad now part of that's good because I've learned to be resilient but part of it was I didn't want to really deal with my sadness and so I just became a rojo pastor nobody's gonna hurt me Moses has got anger going on we learned this from Psalm 106 because it says Moses spoke these words numbers 20 rashly and anger and depending on how you grew up certain emotions were tolerated and certain emotions were forbidden and my family was really good at anger like my dad was like I think he was in the dictionary back when they used to have those things right his picture was there so I knew I knew how to do anger sadness fear not so much Moses has got this stuff working I think it's I think it's it's it's related to sadness maybe some fear I know for me the way I deal with fear is I read more read more books and I work more you know really want to encounter fear and so part of my process and restoration that continues this man still in my life is uh it's counseling I've got my picture of one of my counselors up I think we got it somewhere his name is rich he runs a ministry called cross point ministries and they have a you know a very amazing they work with leaders and pastors and Rick made a rich made this statement he said hey Darren you have a low tolerance for negative emotions he looked at him and I'm like here's the emotion I have right now rich I want a throat punch you what does that mean I didn't I didn't know what it meant but I didn't like it but here's what he was saying he's like you are awesome and anger he said you have no idea how to deal with your fear you have no idea how to deal with sadness and he said let's go to the Bible real quick did Jesus do fear garden ago cemani I think so how about sadness did Jesus do sadness what happened when his buddy Lazarus died he died he wept see we have a truncated anthropology we don't we don't we love the deity of Jesus we don't talk about the humanity of Jesus a lot Jesus experienced every emotion and he didn't go around them he went through them which is the key but for me fear and sadness you know that's gonna do slow me down that's gonna keep me from achieving more I won't be able to go and speak at conferences and sell my books and I won't be able to you know do a thousand things I'm gonna avoid that by over working and if I go into fear and if I go into sadness I'm gonna have to look at some things I don't want to look at and I'm not gonna be able to achieve some things that I want to achieve when you think about the emotions you have friends in some of some of those emotions ones you welcomed ones you know well and then you have some enemies those you avoid and Moses has got this anger fear thing going on he's not even aware of it I don't think but for me working through some of this stuff rich gave me some homework I said when it when do I get to turn the homework in he says when you meet Jesus then you can turn it in in other words this is a lifelong process here's what he said he said Darren you need to pay attention to the amount of energy you are spending on creating and sustaining your image you need to be curious of how hard and fast you work on accomplishing tasks efficiently at the expense of true intimacy then he said this he says Darren your relationships are often in service of tasks part of my restoration process was listening what they called listening meetings and it's just like they sound you get to listen but not talk any ex elder current elder ex staff current staff ex member current member could set an appointment with me if they felt like I had wounded them and my job was to listen so I think there were 20 some people and I remember the first day there were three appointments and the first person said Darren I just kind of felt like I you're really relational you and I'm really I really I really I think you care about me but I just I don't know I kind of just just feel like you know you're just kind of using me and for ministry okay second person hey Darren I feel like um I kind of feel like a pawn in your big chess game third person was like yeah just I don't know I I really like you I feel like you know handsome good but I don't know I just never really felt like I knew you and felt like we were always just about you know getting stuff done I kind of felt you know I mean I got back from the first day my wife's like how'd it go and I'm like these people are so sensitive I mean what is wrong I don't the next day I had three more meetings and the first person said yeah I kind of felt like a pawn second person said you I kind of felt like you were using me and I mean I remember right where I was sitting and I was like it's me it's not them it's not them he said be mindful the temptation to be manipulative and this is very hard for you Darrin I can hear it the way he says Darrin Darrin this is very hard for you Darrin because everyone celebrates your work but you manipulate people to get God's work done so it's not that you're doing bad stuff it's that you're doing good stuff but you're harming people who are with you he says realize that much of what you call driven us our excellence is actually driven this and then he says this he put himself in mind he had me say the sentence I Darrin can easily want more people than God has created them to give I'll say it again I can want more of people than God has created them to give be careful church planters be careful missionaries excellence is good in a valued goal but an exageration attendant attention to excellence listen dehumanizes and D values others he said Darrin you need to notice how you respond to interruptions interruptions may be a way of gaining new insight which may help you reach your goal beware of instinctive negative reactions to an interruption one of the one of the professor's at Notre Dame years ago said I used to get mad at interruptions to my work until I realize ins until I realized that interruptions were my work for me interruptions are jacking my plan up you know hindering the mission slowing us down he said you need to recognize your gift is efficiency but weak wiring that of everyone else wounds them he says you need to create space for feedback from others you need to learn the discipline of self-awareness self-awareness is this is who we think we are this is how other people experience us and the bigger the gap the least you're gonna be trusted as leader this one slayed me he says you need to Rickon recognize the the burden that it is to work with you how hard is it for people when you are constantly projected projecting I am loved for my achievements how can people stand up to that unresolved emotions Moses had him we have him but here's the real deal Moses is a very entitled leader I don't know if you saw this I mean he strikes the rock instead of speaking to it okay clearly sin God didn't say that but worthy of death Brian Chappell argues that what happened here is that Moses actually assumed the offices of Christ all three offices he was the prophets he substituted his words for God God didn't say to call them rebels and he did he made himself a priest he strikes instead of speaking he's essentially saying I will stand before the people if you remember Exodus 17 god says to the first generation strike the rock and it's as if first Corinthians 10 seems to imply that somehow that rock became Christ as if possibly God is allowing Moses to strike himself in order for his children to live to preview the cross but now in numbers Moses strikes the rock putting himself in the position of master and priest and the Lord in the position of a servant Moses puts himself in the position of a mediator Moses is assuming the role of a priest he also assumed the role of a king he's taking God's authority as his own this staff Moses you hold my staff and speak to the rock Moses takes the staff think Sepulcher and strikes the rock twice saying I am the one who nurses the people I am the one who leads the people I am the one who is the Saviour I am putting myself in the place of God and God says because of that you did not treat me as holy you are saying that you're the Prophet you're the priest you're the king you can't take my staff and pretend you're the chief Shepherd I will not share my glory with you here is the most humble man on the face of the earth God says I speak to this person face-to-face let's kill everybody and start over God says that to Moses that guy forfeited his opportunity to leave what happened entitlement entitlement is a very subtle enemy it tricks you to thinking that your calling is a career it deceives you by saying the church exists to serve you it gets you to thinking that your presence is not needed in certain things when it's absolutely needed when people become tools you become entitled I am that I'm ashamed of so many things I have I have so many regrets but this is the main one that I became a person that I I really I really wouldn't I would never say this with my lips but in my heart I really thought most people should serve me I really thought my elders and our staff and other Christian leaders I really felt superior and thought they're lucky to have me around I would have never said that and I even presented as humble at times but in my heart that's what was growing and going on and that's what entitlement will do and you don't have to be a megachurch pastor to get this you don't have to have written a book to be there there's a growing entitlement which says this I am NOT a servant I deserve to be served that's it now here's what's crazy you know the end of the story what happens what happens just got to go man this guy Crooked Stick what he's sinned terribly so I'm gonna shut off the fruitfulness valve that what happens I remember as a Nuke as a new believer going to seminary and I would get to hang out with Chapel speakers and and a few chapel speakers would get up and preach the paint off the paint was peeling off the wall during the sermon just unbelievably gifted maybe they'd written a couple of books and then you get backstage and I remember a couple of them and I'm like hmm I'm surprised the Lord blesses that that's interesting how rude was that guy to the waitress how do me I mean he really tell that joke in the before we like I was surprised right I shouldn't be surprised neither should you you know why Bible what does God do to Moses with the Messiah Complex Moses entitled Moses Moses not dealing with his emotions what does God do he gives water six hundred thousand fighting men we think based on the census given so here's what happened here's here here's the water needed today 2.4 million gallons just for the people probably another four to eight for the livestock million gallons they'll be like fifty fire hydrants one taker trunk a minute four thousand four thousand gallons a minute and God gives it as his servant is imploding don't ever equate giftedness with character don't ever equate fruitfulness with faithfulness they're not always connected I don't understand I wouldn't do it that way but that's the way he does it he draws straight lines with crooked sticks now here's the question did Moses ever repent I mean he obviously didn't get to go on the Promised Land well I wonder if this is a little bit like Jonah did Jonah repent the Book of Jonah that's his repentance right maybe Moses under inspiration of the Holy Spirit wrote this text probably and this is his repentance this is his warning to us as leaders Moses is saying despite my failures God blessed his people it's grace disobedient leader plus rebellious people equals God's grace but this is also a warning one act of disobedience can disqualify you one sexual sin one lack of financial integrity one angry conversation 40 years of faithfulness is blown by one act of disobedience so friends I don't want you have to give this talk but my guess is there's some seeds of disqualification already growing in you and some of its related to volitional willful sinful behavior some of it is in others there's III described I described you know there's two facets to to sin we sinned and we've been sinned against so with sin that's rebellion that needs to be repented when we've been sinned against that's a wound it needs healing you can't repent of your wounds you can't repent up somebody's sinning against you and some of you been sinned against some of you were abused like I was and I thought I'd like I'd written all kinds of books here's how you deal with your daddy wound my dad dies about six months before all this blows up it opens some stuff at me I didn't know I did not understand you've got any trauma in your past some have you've been a part of church splits or you been betrayed in ministry or your parents were somebody close to you pay attention to that there's wounds there you need some healing some of you are in willful sin like you're clearly disobeying God like that is gonna do nothing but grow if you don't repent and if you don't get healing and you say well I got it managed I got it under control well let me add a couple hundred people to your church start getting asked to speak other places oh you're not gonna be able to manage it then you can't manage your sin you have to repent of it you can't just time is not gonna heal some wounds some wounds are healed by time you're gonna have to get some healing I don't know where you are but this could be God's warning to you from the life of this amazing leader Moses and maybe as pathetic leader Darren you don't have to be a statistic you don't have to be that person that and I know if they still use this doctor I can this stat of the number of people who go to seminary versus are in ministry five ten years later it used to be you know Iost of my friends frankly that I went to seminary with are not administer anymore like and I'm not saying guys and call people and clarify you know things but may it not be because we disqualified ourselves may it not be because we didn't heed the warnings of God through the people of God people ask all the time like you know cuz my wife people who know my wife my wife's very sharp like wouldn't your wife like blowing the whistle on some of this stuff our life was super chaotic mainly from my crazy opportunity seeking for Jesus but yeah she she did she did know some things well we become so isolated relationally and not just from it from me from each other but we didn't have a lot of other friends we didn't have a lot of other mentors and and so her voice though strong at times you know I just I was here's what I would do is she would point out a character flaw I'd blame the church well I wouldn't be so angry if it wasn't for those deacons do you understand the pressure I'm under it all the time and I just didn't listen so your spouse may have the corrective words that are gonna save your soul some of the leaders in your life some of the some of your people are going to school with they see things they're wantin to help you close that gap of self-awareness between how you think you are versus how you're really being experienced will you listen will you listen will you be a person who says hey man my life is an open book I I want people speaking in I'm not talking about everybody and by the way when you do that open your life up thing get some get some cert surgeons or better than butchers okay so a lot of reasons we don't open up our lives is because we've been butchered people we open it up and they use it right does that ever happen to anybody or is that just me right so find some surgeons pray for some people who will cut to heal a butcher cuts to hurt a surgeon cuts to heal and you need some surgeons in your life you need to gather some mentors and some surgeons in your life that are able to with precise truthfulness and also grace go hey I'm worried about you here let me help you help you walk out of that and you and here's the thing that was my heart for years and years and years and then I got successful and I stopped listening and I stopped gathering those kind of people and I learned it how to learn it I learned how to pretend pastors are amazing pretenders we can fool a ton of people but here's what I want to say in closing you do not have to be you do not have to pretend to be farther along than you are because God loves you right where you are you don't have to play the game you don't have to pretend you don't have to be something you're not you can be exactly who you are and God will meet you and use you right where you are let's pray together father I want to thank you for elders who rebuked me and disciplined me even though I have opinions about how that could have been done better and but Lord you used those men and you use many other people to help me see myself and Lord I'm um you know there's still a lot more to see and a lot more to turn from and a lot more to be healed of but thank you for the people that you've put in my life spiritual fathers and I do pray that for my brothers and sisters here so many of times we have to raise ourselves spiritually but we pray Lord that you would send spiritual fathers and that you would even now create that desire in us to be that and we're not just gonna aspire to be a spiritual father or a spiritual mom because we want to we have to respond to your spirit now so Holy Spirit where there is darkness in our hearts seeds of rebellion wounds from trauma would you help us to see those and to seek out repentance and healing we don't want those seeds to grow we don't want those wounds to fester we want to be your men and your women who lead your people with integrity faithfully and that we want to bear much fruit we want to see the world come to know Jesus and if we're to go to the uttermost parts of the world Lord we need you to go to the innermost recesses of our own hearts so we invite you to do that and we trust you to use us in Jesus name Amen

Channel: Southeastern Seminary

Views: 29,375

Rating: 4.7475085 out of 5

Keywords: Southeastern, Baptist, Theological, Seminary, Chapel, Message, Jesus, Preaching, God, Book, North Carolina, Wake Forest, Gospel, False Teaching, False spirits, Spirit, Danny, expository, Great Commission, Truth, Grace, Love, Discerning, Training, Education, Darrin, Patrick, Seacoast, Church, Charleston, SC, STL, Cardinals, Chaplian

Id: a8xORUC4WZQ

Length: 35min 24sec (2124 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 27 2019