Dan Mohler - Q&A: How to Discipline Kids in Love

here's what I want to ask you to do with questions and answers now I know when Robert said you know you've been waiting to ask some of your questions I'm gonna actually ask you not that I'm threatened by him at all I'm gonna ask you to nut jokes go off the wall and ask me your deep theological questions I love if you'd ask me questions based on where we've been last night and today to help you walk out what you're hearing like this mama said three kids in the home how do I she cried and said I haven't been walking in love she's just confession she was just and I'd spent more on controlling frustration how give me a good picture of what it looks like walking in love with my kids when they need some correction discipline instantly those are good valuable questions those kinds of things do you see what I'm saying and you might say well just go ahead and answer that one for me when you have children when there's obstinance at home when when your child doesn't pump the gospel if parents don't realize they they tend to get overbearing they preach it their kids more than they realize they think it's good thing they quote they do little sting or comments and fro scripture in there Parris parents have been notorious for that because we tend to panic we don't realize we're finding our identity through our children we actually believe our children are a direct reflection of us and our failure or success as parents we forget that they have a will we forget that you could actually so good things into your children and they could go through a season of willfulness just because it's their own go through struggles and decisions and then we internalize it take a personal I think if I'd have done better they wouldn't be this way and then parents take a hit with the child and everybody loses their productivity that's how you know we're not thinking clear cuz even if you did mess that thing up where do you rely on his mercy where is he greater and where do you continue to find a perspective that allows you to shine why they're walking through their moment that's what you got to think about as a pastor I've watched and I know you've seen this as pastor you've I watch way too many parents lose their own identity when their children struggled and it became their whole world because they said they loved them well that's a cop-out phrase it's deeper than that you're finding your identity through them you're feeling like a failed parent and if they do better it just clears the air and you can go free and you don't have to think about all this stuff so what you got to do is at some point you I shared with her I'll just be honest I'll share with her she was being honest she was sharing a weakness I said you be honest you communicate with your children with tears share where you've been how you've touched them and now that you're growing now that you seen some things man there's many times I corrected you just because you were wrong and I was frustrated I've touched you wrong in many times not that even when I was correcting was wrong but the way I came about it and I see that it's affected your hearts and sometimes you don't even want to hear what I have to say and I'm just sorry that I fell to love you like I could it's actually so healthy sometimes for a parent to sit down and set that thing straight and say man I've touched you outside of love one too many times I've allowed you to irritate me I've allowed you to frustrate me and I've expressed there you say Billy if I told you once I've told you a thousand times just get to your room Billy just but mom but dad just get to your room boy we'll talk later go just get just go man and when you're teaching him that you can he can disgust you you're teaching him that he's a frustration to you you're teaching him that you you're on and off and if that little boy somewhere gets the idea that that's a reflection of God through life then along the way now you're just sending a picture to his little belief system that God sees him the same way are you with me here's a simple encouragement on parenting that I just learned in the Holy Ghost of myself that the why behind your life is huge you don't correct people because they're wrong you correct people because they're more than what they're doing and I know it sounds simple but it's powerful because when you look and realize what did Jesus say on the cross did he say he's bunch of idiots I can't believe it can you believe what they're doing to me what did he say father why did he tell him to forget we asked father forgive because they know not what they so be fair with your children have your children seen a living model are your children born into Adam were they trained by the same lies we were trained have they even seen a living model be the model don't be the preacher be the model countless parents are guilty of preaching to their kids without living Christ I'm just telling their kids what they should do my dad alcoholic dad at the time non alcoholic anymore my dad used to say don't because I'd confront him as I got older I got stand up to him and I get smart mouth a little bit cuz he's drunk I figured out dodges punch anyway mom he's so whack me with that wooden spoon as I got older I'd grab it from her when she'd swing it and I just thought that was cool cuz I was getting older I just snatched his pain far she'd go smacking with him I'd smash stuff but I got a little older for dad I had to get older cuz I was scared he'd rip my pants down and whooped me bad but he'd I'd challenge him on his life and I'd say who are you to tell me why would you tell me he said well don't you do as I do you do as I say I'm your dad it's the most terrible thing you can do don't do as I do do as I say oh it teaches you to resent it it makes you not have value for anything in that person's life here's the beautiful thing about Jesus is there one thing he's asking you in his word that he didn't come and model in his life is there one thing he's calling you to that he didn't pass through in the flesh what an amazing God he came and said let me show you what it looks like so the word became flesh and dwelt among us and we beheld him so he didn't come and preach it you shape up straight now why do you he showed us what love look like he showed us what life in the Father looks like he kept affirming what it me and the father are one he's always with me I always do well yes sir I know where I gave him I know where I'm gone me and the father then he says I pray father that there one like you and me or one when they become one like you and me or one then the world will know we say when everybody in the bush hears the gospel on a radio broadcast but he said when we become one like him and father are one that's when the world will get it and go oh my goodness you did sent your son what's he talking about becoming love so I think many of us take our kids personal your neighbors children can be doing something and you don't really think about it since your child does it you can't believe they did it you're like why do you do that who knows what I'm talking about yeah because we're taking our children personal and failing to love them so start praying and asking God to give eyes of love so you can start making that transition if you need to talk to your children please talk to them have a humble conversation tell them you have convictions in your life that you feel like you've touched them in the flesh many times in it's just more of authority and you'll do what I say and I'm the boss kind of thing III want to stay a million miles away from that III don't want you don't want your children to fear you you want them to respect you you won't you don't want them to listen because you're they're afraid you want him to listen cuz they honor that's totally different the fear of the Lord isn't ah you Revere the person that he is who he is the personhood of God you revere him it's the fear of the Lord it's an amazing thing yeah so so so your motive being pure the pure in heart will see God youyou take Billy in his room and you sit down and you're gentle with them and sometimes a little Stern my children always knew if I was Stern it's because whatever they were doing was serious matter and it would get their attention but they it's not that I'm mad do you know what I'm saying I'm not mad and I say listen you know why I'm Stern right now because this is serious yeah honey it's real serious and this is why and then I try to teach them what they're called to and created for what family looks like their part I would teach them that this is a grooming ground this is a this is a time to get groomed in a heart motive it'll teach you for the rest of your life and then and then if there's discipline involved now Billy you know we've talked about this how many times yeah I know no no look at me it's not that I'm disappointed you need to learn that your life is so much more than this and you don't need to give yourself this and it's going to create repercussions and down the road it's going to cause pain in your life if you continue to function this way this isn't because I'm mad and disappointed it's because it's your more than this and I have to teach you that and I have to teach you so for now tonight we're not going to turn on oh I thought you were gonna it's ok stop we're not gonna turn this on tonight you're not gonna sit like you do we're just gonna you know stop that right now and here's what we're gonna do and then instead of just cold turkey and their desire and causing them to ground them or fast their desire give them a little assignment you know spend a little time with them ask if they want to talk a little more about it do something productive with them grab a little family social stuff what play a board game well they're supposed to be in discipline no no look you know they want on that iPad yes but just shut it down for it tonight and go ahead and just be a family it's not that you gotta make them sit in a room and close the door and when that before I was saved I used to yell at my kids and I'd get him to the room I just sit on that bed and think about it think about it and I'd shut the door great parenting dad way to go buddy you're showing him who's boss then you get around that hey they're still doing something they shouldn't do in Sue's you walk in the room and then you just teach and live in deceit and dishonor and it's not we're just gonna change all that yeah so there's just simple stuff some of its progress some of your kids are older now I believe taking responsibility showing them what the beauty of repentance looks like I said to this dear lady I said man if your children of that age and you're crying like you're crying ask him to help you tell them mommy wants help because you won't change and you don't want to be a frustrated lady you don't want to go down in their minds in memory as touchy and you say kids help me help love me through this because I want to love you like Jesus to us and I want to be an example to you and everybody in my life would you be patient with me would you help me it's not wrong to ask your kids that kind of stuff it's not wrong to talk to your spouse that way to say listen honey I've been I've been a little touchy I've been carrying some things I feel like I got this on my plate now I'm getting rid of that that's an excuse I got all this on my plate are you kidding God's got the whole world in front of him and he's amazing so I'm gonna draw from his wisdom but listen forgive me I feel like I've been a little testy I feel like I've been a little short with you I feel like I've been quiet you just talk to your spouse she's weeping a little because she's been thinking what's wrong he's different he hasn't been and she's even in a little vulnerable place I'd love if none of you would ever be there I'd love if you just think boy you know my husband's gone and you'd already make the initiative baby what's going on I know you you got something on your mind and I love you listen arm sorry no you don't have to apologize to me I'm well and good I want to know how you're doing wouldn't it be amazing if spouses would do that and stop expecting from each other and letting each other decide how they're doing in the moment and actually Jesus would be the deciding factor of how you're doing with that just amazing instead of these little psychological things and but say she just sweeps a little because she's even relieved or whatever and you just explained your heart but then you say to her honey listen is now you look at right now as it's never my heart to dishonor you talk to you that way when when I realize I've done that I feel like oh my goodness cuz it's so not in my heart now you got tears in your eyes and say god no those who I've been praying and what I'm asking you can you help me with this cuz I don't want a stitch of self stuff in me I know I value you and there's times I get clouded because I start thinking this carrying some cares would you help pull me out of that if you see me in any direction and give them permission if you see me in any direction now when they call you on it don't be like will just leave me alone I need time now if you give you got it but that would be humility wouldn't it you say talk to me honey if you see me getting testy if you see me just if you see me disquieting up on you and just grab my arm and say hey baby you okay you're doing well you ain't carrying nothing right you just you're doing good is there anything I can pray with you about talking about be each other's friend stop playing the psychological thing communicate and get it out there right and would that be awesome you give your spouse permission and your spouse actually touches you a week from then and says hey just checking in on you remember how we talked and you said yeah and all of a sudden you already know because you realize as soon she says it you go uh-huh you say wow thanks man can we just pray right now come here I love you so much girl boy that sure beats that I love you you let me in that old messy Hollywood thing right this thing actually has substance to it so then if you ain't so bad right I'm sorry I'm sorry so I just kind of vaguely answered that a little bit there's there's so many different scenarios the key is that your heart's motivated in love and if you're gonna correct or discipline your children you got to make sure your motives love and it's for their sake if it's just cuz you're frustrated don't expect heaven to go with you and grace to empower your words look I'm a pastor and you might say well you know over the heart of the whole and you know I got out I got up for the sake of the whole and I and then you get a little stronger straight know you always do what you do for the personal value of people to be restored and preserve and bring them to that highest place there's times you have to step in to protect others I get that but don't do it at the cost of one he leaves the 99 to go get the one so don't throw away the one for the 99 you get what I'm saying so so you do you even have the authority in the Lord to correct somebody just because they're wrong or because you love if you're doing it just because they're wrong you'd be amazed how you don't have that heavens not going to go with you like it will if you love are you with me okay I had some ladies say to me once she said I've been in three different states where you happen to be and I wasn't even trying to go to where you were I just happened to be in the area and saw you were there three different times I've heard you in three different states she said it fascinates me she said you talk straight and she said and you say some probably challenging stuff and she said you talk about some controversial sensitive stuff and you talk plain and she said I look around the room and it's not like anybody's offended she said nobody's hurt it's like she said it's like you get away with saying anything you need and I smiled I said do you know why I have no need to correct nobody I'm not trying to point out thought I don't feel so fright just I'm not saying you need to straighten this up I'm saying it for their sake because there's so much more he paid blood I actually feel like I know who people are now whether I met him or not because of the gospel so I talked plain coz my heart and my motive I believe is pure so I have confidence in my speech and I feel like heaven goes with it and grace is imparting grace to the hearer and it goes into the heart and you get convicted instead of Matt challenged instead of frustrated yeah yeah you

Channel: New Creation LIFE

Views: 33,120

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Keywords: Dan Mohler, 2018, Q&A, In One Accord Ministries

Id: grhIrRaaifs

Length: 17min 44sec (1064 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 12 2018