Dad Remarried 18 Months After MOM Passed & Demands I GIFT My Mom's Money To His New Wife's Daughter

how do you deal with your toxic step family okay this is kind of awkward to be typing but here goes i nearly adult female have a college fund started by my grandparents maternal and paternal with some of the money coming from my parents the fund was originally for me and my sister but my mom and sister died four years ago and my grandparents who hold the account chose to leave it all for me and continued paying into it my dad remarried 18 months after my mom and sister died and he has a stepdaughter who is the same age as my sister would be if she were alive she's a high school senior now and talkers turned to her going to college her mom was single until she married my dad and never had the opportunity to start a fun before they have something safe but it's not enough and won't be so my dad asked me to share mine with her he said it was always intended to be for two people and my sister would want her money to be used by someone in the family i told him it was being used by someone in the family me a sister and he replied that stepsister is our sister too i told him no i only have one sister this is how i feel i know people will give me crap for that but i only have one sibling and that's how it will always be that's not personal against my stepsister but we're not sisters or even family beyond her mom being married to my dad my dad said he was telling me i need to share the money i told him no he went to my grandparents his parents and they said it was for me since my sister could no longer use it he went to my maternal grandparents then because they were the two who originally set up the account and they told him they have no obligation to fund my stepsister going to college because she isn't their granddaughter he's back to trying to force me to say yes his wife and her daughter are also telling me it's the right thing to do and it's what we do for family and my sister would want me to which ticked me off because they never met my sister let alone know what she would want am i wrong this has already really hurt my relationship with my dad i'm not really sure there will be one in a year i'll be 18 and can live my own life and get some peace from all this i'll finish high school at my grandparents probably since that's where i plan to move to once i can just leave this house it makes me sad but i lost so much already i'm going to be okay it will just take some time people have talked about his marrying again 18 months later and i know there has been debate on this i didn't pay much attention to this in my original post because i knew i would get crap for voicing how i felt but it sucked he has handled everything in the worst possible way and i hold some resentment towards him for doing it i do think he deserves to be happy but i have been drowning in grief since i lost my mom and sister knowing he could try to replace his wife and daughter so soon after we lost them sucks it hurts me but he would see me as a brat if i told him this again you are not wrong in point of fact your father was already an idiot for zombifying your sister's memory to puppet words in her mouth but he made himself a bigger idiot when upon failing to acquire your agreement he shopped around to family hoping to pressure you into it he your stepmother and stepsister have since repeatedly reaffirmed that they're the idiots here especially because neither your stepsister nor your stepmother had ever even met them it's trashy to guilt people through the memory of a lost loved one my recommendation move out asap and before then reaffirm your beliefs by changing all verbal references to your stepmom and stepsister to dad's wife dad's wife's daughter or by your stepmother's first name bratty perhaps but clearly some people have gotten far too comfortable this is exactly what i'm stuck on you lose not only your wife but also one of your children and 18 months later a year and a half you have already remarried and want to give away money to this new wife's daughter when it's already been earmarked for your biological child who's still remaining i mean i get that people all grieve and move on a different rate but a big what how long did dad and stepmom even date before they married a year six months did they already know each other before mom and sis passed did dad wait any amount of time before he moved on with his life jesus you are not the idiot a big giant not the idiot right here everything about dad stepmom and stepsister is just disgusting me beyond belief i married my wife elise 12 years ago she has a nearly adult daughter anna from her previous relationship and we have a little son as well from pretty much the beginning of our relationship anna and i have never gotten along i don't know how to emphasize that it is not because of a lack of trying she just does not like me when she was young she was scared of me and afraid i'd tear their family apart nowadays it's more of a neutral dislike rather than a strong antipathy so i suppose that's progress elise is a stay-at-home mother so she relies on me for income as a result i pay for everything for anna food clothes volleyball fees field trips i take an interest in her hobbies i go to her games i'm not saying i'm perfect but i try my hardest to be the stepfather i can but it's so hard always giving me curt one-word responses always having to have an attitude she does things to get a rise out of me staying out late reeking of booze always trying to sneak boys in typical rebellious stuff but i always let her know i love her and i'm there for in hopes of her rebellious puberty phase passing the opposite is true for her biological father she adores him can't tell you why he never goes to her games always makes excuses for why he doesn't want to see her he forgot her birthday last month and she cried herself to sleep well anyways friday i came to her room to check her phone and read her messages not a permanent thing but she'd been caught sneaking out twice in the last month so this is her punishment i ask for the phone she says no i'm tired of you checking my stuff leave me alone i tell her i'm not asking again and she goes just buzz off already you're not my real dad you never have been stop acting like you can tell me what to do before getting up and slamming the door like i said guys i'm tired tired of the blatant disrespect of being the verbal punching bag while still providing more for her than anyone else in her family we haven't really talked since until this morning during breakfast she asked if i could pay for her plane ticket so she could see her boyfriend cross state like i said her mom doesn't work and her dad is a pos so i normally would be the one to cough up the money not this time i responded go ask your real dad i could tell she was hurt tears swelled up from her face and she excused herself from the table my wife took me aside later and said my comment was extremely disrespectful i said if anything's disrespectful it's her treating me like a doormat and a credit card and i will no longer tolerate this treatment in my house i told her we don't have to be friends but if she can't at least be cordial to me or respect my position as an authority figure she can find someone else to pay for her non-essentials am i the idiot not the idiot but you barely mentioned your wife her mother why is she not handling this with her daughter you've been in her daughter's life since she was four as step-dad and your wife has continued to let this fester she's continued to let her daughter disrespect you and continue to mislead her daughter about her father's true character this is all kinds of wrong not the idiot maybe your daughter can have a first-hand look at how much words can hurt i think you should go to her apologize never mind the fact she doesn't deserve it you're the adult be the bigger person and set firm fair and strict rules about behaviour going forward tell her what you told us that you don't have to be friends but you need her to respect your authority and at least be cordial to each other maybe ask her why she doesn't like you ask if there's anything you can do to support her better and most importantly remind her that you love her and will be there for her girls her age are hard man keep trying a decade from now she'll be grateful that you chose the high road my ex and i have a daughter who is a kid when she was little my ex left me and ran off with another woman she was barely legal and he was in his mid-30s their marriage fell apart last year she reached out to me and asked to see our daughter because our ex-husband wouldn't let her this woman was my daughter's stepmom for six years and my daughter misses her very much and so she doesn't even miss going to her dad's house because her stepmom isn't there i asked my ex about it and he said that since she's divorcing him she's not our daughter's stepmom anymore and he doesn't owe her anything i tried to reason with him but he refused to listen so instead my daughter's former stepmom and i worked out a schedule where i cancelled her daily after-school program and she goes to her stepmom's house instead this is also a great arrangement for me because i'm saving several hundred dollars a month on child care and my daughter often comes home from her stepmom's with her homework all done it's a total win-win for me honestly it always felt like i was co-parenting more with my ex-husband's wife than with my ex-husband so this doesn't feel that different her father is livid about this because i circumvented him but i told him that it's my decision who she sees during my custody time i already checked with a lawyer about this and he said i'm in the clear since my ex would regularly leave our daughter with her stepmom and there are no allegations of anything shady but my ex and some of our mutual friends say i'm being unreasonable and petty and poisoning the relationship i don't think i'm doing anything wrong i think it's cruel to cut off our daughter's stepmom just because she's divorcing him am i the idiot for ignoring my ex's opinion and letting our daughter go to her stepmoms after school not the idiot best wishes to your daughter a stepmother and you allowing a peaceful transition during your ex's divorce is the kindest healthiest way to address this loss in your daughter's life your ex should do unmentionable things with a sideways pineapple for not prioritizing what was best for your child your daughter was suffering and you could have very easily put the blame on your ex but you womanned up and fixed the problem for your daughter you are demonstrating grace poise and decorum in the face of a loser idiot ex i am an 18 year old male studying to become what is essentially a social worker caregiver bit of nurse kind of deal i don't know the direct translation because there is none anywho let's continue to finish my education i have to complete three internships in different fields of social work one of them being in the geriatric department for that my school usually provides a course to teach us how to perform basic care on clients such as shaving brushing their teeth or assisting them while eating we would perform this on our fellow classmates to practice now due to the rhona we are no longer allowed to practice this while still having to complete our internship my teacher suggested that we could ask our partners or family members to practice it on instead my stepsister is 22 and we only talk sometimes we both still live with my mom and her dad and since they're usually gone she was the only one i could ask which i did i explained the circumstances and that she didn't have to if she didn't want to just a simple no would have sufficed she called me a weirdo laughed at me called our stepdad to complain about me and told all her friends that i'm a freak for asking this she leaves out the part that this was for part of my education and it best tells that i claim it's for school like that's believable in any way i'm upset about this and told her to stop as it's painting a crude picture of me to her peers nobody is on my side though and they're all kind of laughing at me even my mom who knows a lot about the career path i'm going to take tells me it's not a big deal and that i should just forget about it now i feel like posting this on tifu but even that feels distasteful to me i'm just mad because i don't actually think i did anything wrong but everybody makes it out to be my fault am i the idiot not the idiot how childish of her to act like this while it may be a weird thing to ask it is for your education if i was you i try to ignore the dumb comments and not react to them that just adds fuel to the fire this will go away again and if some people can't leave it behind them they are little kids that probably need to belittle others so they feel better ignore those by the way i'd let you brush my teeth if i was your sister good luck with your education my late wife passed away three years ago i've been married with my current wife for six months now my son disrespects my wife and would always hurt her with his words i tried to get him used to his new life but he always says he can't wait to leave my son has always wanted to go to college he's aiming to go study at his favorite which is out of the state he wants to be a doctor it's his dream his mom passed away from cancer and he said he wanted to be a doctor do researches to help people with this type of disease i thought that this shows the good side of him and how empathetic he can be i just don't get why he doesn't get along with his step-mom she's always nice to him her feelings were hurt when he yelled at her for cleaning up his room this morning i told him that if he doesn't start treating my wife with respect then i won't save up any money for his college and will just send him to a tuition-free community college he got mad at me told me i was trying to buy him with my money and that i was being a horrible idiot he brought up his friends and how lucky they were to have good dads i cut the conversation and told him to go to his room he started crying and said that i care about what my wife wants more than him i was just trying to give him consequences for his behavior but it just got worse he doesn't want to talk to me anymore you are the idiot it's not nice for the woman you've been married to for six months to clean your son's room it's incredibly invasive what are you thinking if this is your best example of your son disrespecting your wife you need a wake-up call you have a kid who wants to be a doctor he's still mourning his mother and mid-puberty your new wife is invading his privacy so your reaction is financial blackmail he's not a kid and you haven't even started saving for his college yet sounds like your threat of not paying for his college tuition is a hollow one little chance you'll actually come up with this money in a few years time sounds more like your wife died and instead of making sure your son was okay you took care of yourself and even married someone your son didn't like without first putting in the work to try to build bonds between them now you're trying to control an angry hurt grieving boy with an empty threat you are so wrong when i 19 female was little i lost my mom and two years later my dad remarried we'll call her kate for the sake of the thread so kate has been my stepmother since i was young and i can appreciate that but we are not close and i have grown to have so much resentment towards her ever since she officially married my dad she has tried to take my mom's place she used to tell me i needed to call her mom this was a daily thing for like five years i was corrected every time i used her first name she would ask me why i didn't make her a mother's day card when i would make one for my mom's grave every year she would get upset when i tell people she was my stepmother she wanted me to tell people she was my mom but she said even stepmom sounded closer than stepmother one time for my mom's anniversary my dad and i went to her favorite spot and when we came back she asked if she could join us and i said i wanted it to stay just me and my dad she told me my new mom should be there for me that day while i mourn my old mom she was offended when i didn't want to go to her scans when she was pregnant with my half-siblings and even more offended when i didn't want to be at the births i was upset with her when she bought us mom daughter necklaces and she was upset because i wouldn't wear mine when we did family therapy together she would say it hurt her feelings when i rejected her as a mom she got angry when i was a bit older and during a family therapy session i said she would never be my mom she told me she earned the title we had a huge fight three years ago my siblings asked why i don't call their mom my mom and i told them she's not my mom and i have a mom who died they asked me why i didn't think i had two moms and i explained because sometimes people feel that way she was furious she told me i had no right saying any of that to them she told me my rejection was unfair i told her she tried way too hard and that nothing she ever did would earn her the title of mom she stopped trying after that then last week i went to my sister's birthday and i mostly stayed in the background to avoid a fight my dad pulled me aside and asked me if i wanted to be part of my stepmother's birthday video he clarified it was just my siblings in the video and it was a mom video i said no she overheard and lost it she told me i was about to publicly humiliate her by not taking part when she has always referred to me as her kid apparently some of her friends and co-workers think i'm hers and don't realize i'm not her bio i lost it i told her she wasn't good enough to be my mom and that her attempts to try and force me to feel a certain way about her made me wish my dad had found someone else someone better i then left i didn't even wait for anything else now she wants an apology my dad asked me to apologize too he said i was harsh and cruel with my words am i the idiot you are the idiot and i'll tell you why i think so this is the story you're telling a woman has raised you for the majority of your life after losing your mom at a young age she treats you like her own daughter so much that her co-workers think you are hers based on what you said i think this woman loves you and you are trying really really hard to prove to everyone that you don't love her and you even resent her for treating you equally with her own kids for all the commenters there's got to be a lot more to this than opie is saying because wanting to be acknowledged in some way as a mother to opie and who actually does the job of being her mother by opie's own admission and having opie treating her the way she has makes her the idiot that being said i'm sorry you lost your mom that's a horrible thing to happen to a kid it's a horrible thing to happen to anyone but your stepmom didn't take her from you your anger is misplaced not the idiot and honestly you shouldn't even feel guilty for hating her because her trying to force you into replacing your mom is worthy of that emotion there's a right way and a wrong way to go about a stepparent child relationship and that is the wrong one i'm sure no one usually considers the possibility of being a step-parent until it happens but thinking you have a right to replace a parent is just ridiculous she's actively trying to encroach on your relationship with your mom which is still a relationship because of your memories with her what she is doing is insanely disrespectful and i think you need to make your dad aware of that even if you have already said it in counselling i'd also emphasize this with her and that as long as she refuses to acknowledge and work with the reality of your true relationship with her you should have no contact with her [Music] you

Channel: XO

Views: 236,442

Rating: 4.8835888 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, ask reddit, askreddit, reddit girl, reddit woman, reddit real voice, r/aita, r/mil, reddit divorce, reddit remarriage, reddit marriage, reddit relationship advice, reddit step family, reddit entitled dad, reddit family drama, reddit money, reddit inheritance

Id: yUEC1CfyGLQ

Length: 19min 29sec (1169 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 20 2020