Critical Role | Best of Sam | 1st Campaign (Ep 36-60)

[Music] I love Paris I dress where I first wake up friend and also birthdays are fun [Music] [Laughter] Scanlan being very a student apparently in some observations and it's convincing as he can be managed to wrestle Percy's weapon his list his pepper box from his grip and toss it into the very acid pits destroying his greatest creation and in doing so seemingly breaking whatever hold this shadow demon had on Percy's soul did you find it did you find it are you even standing near me right now as I'm seeing this one of course I am are you I'm always mean how do you know I'm not doing it right in my room why am I in your room oh I know I came in here to tell you had to ask you something where's my Hong's one try composed an epic poem to commemorate the rebels rising up against the empire that had kept them down for so long no sort of a force that had awakened I call it resident evil I don't know I couldn't call with another name for it there was an evil I'm looking for a publisher okay good good there may be a great opportunity at the widow's cross festival to perform this I also commissioned a portrait of myself I found a young artisan in town and I paid him some coins to paint me something that could possibly hang and keep Grayskull in the dining room we were asking around for a few days you managed to discover that there was a budding local artist who doesn't only believe in his artwork he currently works in the stables on the far southwest side of town as you get to there you can see him he's currently the process of actually cutting through one of his recent work sorry sir can I help you hello my name is Scanlon Schultz I was the leader of the rebellion that just defeated Lord and Lady Briarwood oh well but the pleasure was mine looking but he was now burning his gaze and almost like bowing his head like a royalty I hear you are a budding artist and I'm I'm if nothing else a supporter of the Arts do I need you for a very important Commission I a great good has been done here by the rebels by the townspeople with the help of Vox machina and of course with the help of Arts monk and his leader myself and therefore I'm here to Commission a humble portrait of myself you may not know him but there was a folk hero in my town you're going up his name is Fabio he would frequently pose with windblown hair and an open shirt on a horse I was thinking something like that and also I have this figure of Pyke she's a friend of mine I'd like her on the back of the horse arms around my waist looking just as you're telling his tale as you're telling those tale he goes from from bashful and meek to staring off in the distance the artistic inspiration kanna rolling through his head it would be my honor please and he reaches for any kind of takes her gnomish hand and you know you're you're about two-and-a-half feet shorter than him but he's like still very humble kneels down and says I would be honored to do this portrait no charge please I insist I must give you something for your troubles what's your name youngster Jamison I will I will sing your praises far and wide is the greatest artist that that would be that would be untrue and and I am I am but a simple stable head no huh I can do this for you but please if you can keep this between us all right I'm I'm aware that some people like to be discreet about things and that's alright with me - then I'll just I'll pay you the going rate for portraits of me certainly how large would you like it how big is the wallet it depends on which area like some of the ceilings go well the dining room walls so that's about your learning areas probable - 15 feet okay then wide a wide 17 14 15 well I I'd like to relieve room for other artwork 6 20 wide 6 hot his eyes go wide not just this is a challenge this can be done and you see smiles for minute kind takes your hand once again my guests are they done thank you sir Jamison was a Jamison yes you have done a noble deed the rebel forces eclipsed by the deeds you have done so no oh that is true I will also enter the arm wrestling competition paying for his entry sure and mine as well no I would also like to I would also like to compete sorry I mean no offense I just I would you it's a cute break Jaspal ear to go against a a scandal in short halt at this table he's got some good so good muscles looks like he's definitely been working a lot of a lot of heavy farm work for most of his life well shower begin him you don't want to be too gnome you don't want to be - no I'm casting suggestion on him I will say go ahead and make a sweater hinge and the worst 13 nose find out when my arm gets red looking at Jess bulge andum yes sir class time is fingers wrap entirely around your hand at this point at which yeah as intensity mounts and the crowd gathers around everyone begins cheering the barmaid steps up again all right the two of you hands together and prove your strength now don't make a stink j19 you guys stand there for a second his arm against to push on yours against it then back a little bit you brave flexor might even begin to set him back up at the center you reached a standstill once again back towards the center and he his expression on your on his face looks frustrated and surprised tenses in his mic forces down your hands now right he's not you know keeping his hand at the side he's like he's trying not to grasp the edge of the table which is that bigness the rules looking around at everyone watching and realizes the sheer amount of attention that's put on the fact that this tiny little gnome is now keeping him at a standstill I should shout out from the crowd [Laughter] [Music] [Music] [Laughter] the leather snake on the individuals that I focused in enchanting items one of which their abode or their shop had been collapsed and they were no longer seeing who che the other can I [ __ ] scribe can I help you hoard tuning in for the first time I'm gonna give you no contact I'm straight really hard on my bowels as you concentrate and close your eyes to take a moment to connect with that one moment in Grayskull keep above the kitchen where you had left your less present you do see Lena in there kind of walk in and start cooking up smiles definitely walk back out doesn't look like she's bleeding from the I know she looks to be quite healthy hi Jovie which little tune though you can't hear it so well how do we do this he left and more importantly how do we do it so that the bear doesn't come it is nice to have a home-cooked meal in traditional Iman breakfast tomorrow yeah there once was a gnome for me mom who sang a scandalous song the ladies would soon at his rather large tune and say minds and possibly long I was a sneaky bastard you're not don't say that about yourself thank you so much you're going with this you should finish the thought yes if I was a sneaky bastard and I wanted to make sure you're not you to leave did you guards immediately step away and leave the room do enter with him I do don't talk unless you're asked a question mm-hmm little mate over here we'll begin Geoffrey is it good Geoffrey yeah he doesn't want to use the he doesn't like to use the sword it's a lot to clean there's brains on it he likes to keep it nice and tidy in here this isn't even our palace don't make him use this pipe to smoke or anything just anything to relax you he seems to be bewildered not holding back any information he's just at a point where he doesn't quite sure what else to say oh sorry Geoffrey moving a little oh boy this is gonna be hard night for me I'm gonna have to please please help me you have been quite helpful give us the name of that girl so we can send our condolences - not on the blade the blade Scanlan need to recognize two of the individuals on the far side of the bar in the band are in the band rowdy looking but well-dressed half work violinist named dr. Granville you've heard whispers from-from Scanlan long ago about just kind of his travels and various tales he lot my foot firmly your shoved forward stumbling almost being tripped by a few of the patrons but as you stop and look up you see before you a young cute gnomish bald with a very short pixie brown hair really playing the flute separate you and gives you kind of a winky grin dr. Granville with his violin and as you come before he looks over kind of gives you a smile and keeps playing it's would be an honor Scanlan short on ladies and gentlemen jump in the fray feast your eyes feast your ears on quite a traveling troupe of musicians and one humble gnome who is so lucky and humbled to join them please keep the tips flowing for us and your waitresses let's play our old standard and the one am a to you so you pull out your flute and the other gnomish girl with her flute as well kind of gives you a look and you guys start weaving together this kind of like flute do almost like flight of the bumblebees but two conflicting sides it's almost it's almost jazz flute almost in this kind of improvisational feel to it can I can me and the other flutist end with a an impossibly long held note make another perform check and with that you've both inhale almost like through eye contact knew it was coming [Laughter] hold and hold and you can see her eyes start to get tense and bloodshot her face are turning beet red all the rest of music stops no one's gonna gathers around the air leaves the room as everyone seems to kind of lean in and eventually she gives up and exhales and inhales sharply as you carry it for about three seconds more and then enter that great drill at the end the whole room just roses and cheers and clapping you feel a hand clasping your shoulder and doctor drizzle leans in it's good to see you game short off it's been a while that was some fine fine playing I have a tip or two about breath control sorry not all of us are quite as old and seasoned as the others I've learned quite a thing it's you in my years and sometimes it would it might interest you to take a little private tutoring sessions scandens short halt you know I've heard quite a bit about you my legend has spread far indeed and neither I know better than most ladies that may cross your path you may change your tune [Music] [Laughter] the man the myth and the legend so in case you want it to find out actually at that point goes turns right doctor you aren't kidding this one's certainly a cards a Kingslayer I wrote a lot of kings in these lands that's one few ha ha My dear kami I'm sorry if we got off on a weird foot I have that effect on vehicles sometimes especially they feature weird that's interesting especially lovely to look at young ladies why older than I expected those feet Wow know what they say I do no don't anyway I was impressed with you up there your skills with the flute are remarkable I was wondering if I could have a little fun tonight and challenge you to a flute off we see who can last the longest and blow the hardest I'll give you whatever is in my purse and if I win I get a kiss somehow I think I'm still getting this [ __ ] end of the deal but I'm 1 for fun at the very least it's a deal flute dual featuring me Scanlan short halt and you Kayle Kayle spine Kaylee's fine I need you to make an ode to the kitchen stop could you call the kitchen stuff out already you're really bringing Meereen trinket down there with you begin your your flower cough I know you 28 wait I performed very well [Music] [Laughter] this gesture toss it as the band picks up behind you I'm so big zip his instruments and you guys start playing that can forth your flutes just just picking off improvising off of the off of the classic I use minor illusion to create sort of a mirror image of myself over myself also playing as you begin to step up under the same table next to her twice as high now with the illusion Scanlan above you almost like those awkward middle school superimposed photos of yourself in the upper corner as the music picks up and swells at this point make one final performance check you and Kelly are facing off looking droopy at each other furiously going on your flutes just blowing at each other eyes locked tapping your feet heavily against the actual wood to the table which doubles the rhythmic pounding of your feet and the drums cuz the entire room now also slamming their tables and with it as as the music builds builds until eventually you both take one deep breath and go for that same sustained note a second time she's challenging you at the game she lost last time it carries and carries and carries and carries and carries the breath never seems to end well another performance roll20 to what I'm gonna let her win with a wink I just took my hat turn and say yes ma'am it seems it seems that tonight you want for your person and pulling out gold no your purse you bet your purse right you totally let her win and we're gonna give her oh I know who lived in a very very fine home till one day a wizard left him alone it's been a fun night guys I'm tired of letting drug beat me and you really suck I don't know it's good show time put the dart board so high on the wall you put dots in like two people's homes I mean large bed if Kayleigh would like to take that I could sleep on the floor that you invited them to stay cuz you want to keep okay yes whose likeness can't think is just watching this with the smirk on her face except for Kayleigh who is following you Scanlon with a bottle of wine in two glass as you um as you all she asks you about your history and kind of your travels and how you met hundred rensil and everything tell her all the best parts and leave out the the naughty bits interesting tale we should tell you a bit about myself and yes please I'm fascinated you know I've heard most of these stories my mother Sybil Oh Sybil I find gnomish lass she was some years ago with us she came across a smooth silver tongue flautist - blew through like the wind and disappeared now growing up I hear tail and tail of your musical feats I say mother took in a third job no support eyes bad harvests just south of silver cut to means to draw a small blade from her side her face is hardened and still if she stares at you this day scum in short health I beat you that's your own son now I come to take your dignity take up your sword it's so wonderful to meet you don't try it me no listen I have my faults for sure but I I didn't know this you existed I I would have I would have come to visit I would have come to meet you how can you fault me for something that I did not know about do you even remember simple I mean could you describe her a little more detail I slowly run button my shirt and show her my chest and say stab me right here if you'd like and I will not resist you've earned it take me oh you see the tear begin to roll down her cheek as her jaw clenches and she thrusts forward and rules a natural one as she goes to strike towards you even in that moment her will falters and the blade just falls limp it hits your chest no more than maybe half an inch as there's no real force behind the blade it clatters to the ground as a momentum carries her arms around you can feel the wetness across the back of your neck and you just hear a voice trembling in your ear say why why can't I do it all the years building up to this and I have a chance and I can't do it I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry that you're going through this and I'm more sorry that you're going through this by yourself but I think deep down you're a short halt and there's something that you have that's connected to me and I to you and perhaps I misread that is some sort of icky attraction and I apologize but I've known for a while now that something is missing in my life some sort of focus and some sort of moral compass and maybe maybe it's just arrived at my doorstep her arms come tense for a minute like an involuntary just trying to pull you closer then they lacks and she steps away kind of averting her gaze keeping her head down you're still a scoundrel it's kept you like this long some wastes it's kept me alive Islam I've got a lot to think about go for a walk I just sit for a moment and think about everything try to remember more about civil a lot of a lot of faces blurring you've worked your way through a lot of taldor in those days there once was a gnome with a mace who had an adorable face she never would bed me but I hope she won't forget me cuz oh how I do love the chase I'm just gonna peek behind tapestry there's a door behind that the open of tapestry is just this flat stone wall okay I'm there oh you're sure oh I lick the wall okay as you click the wall your face passes through the wall mustache that extends beyond here is human hunched and does it look like he might be my son the resemblance is uncanny no there haven't being being purely human and knowing you've ever records will be there for that hi Sam glad you could join us buddy Thanks right now eyes right over here horizontally there shortly all this time you've been trying to kick my teeth in and your real enemy you're next to trinket and vex is behind you so I can see the worm I will cast I bite singing to it Scanlan's eyes biting you inspire by with a limerick I once knew a bear named trinket and would often tell you he stink it but he were appalled so you kicked me in the balls and now I don't say it I just think it run past grog I kind of brushed his shoulder and he turns into a mist form and I turned into a miss form and then I blasted so while I'm mist form you can only - Scanlon is just out of range do you have dispel magic scale aha I would have been great when he ate is what it rolled total 28 is what I rolled it rolled a 19 on the dice so as you're singing this it's jaw comes down on you I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw those of you who are watching you see as the mouth chomp down on Scanlan and as it pulls away Scanlan is nowhere in sight having been swallowed by the purple worm tell me this dungeon master yes earlier when I had done my I bite thing I had my cone up here when he grabbed me was the cone still close to the mouth sure will say that I don't want to be in here and there correct he'll look around dark seems very cozy seems nicer than outside right now dip my finger in the acid it's not fun not fun I'm going to cast at level 5 thunder wave already lost count 15 plus 7 whatever 22 points it booms from the inside and you can see like a central part of the worm kind of billow out like a cartoon just the sheer force of it forces you a little ways up its throat but not enough to hurt us in yourself out of its body thanks you and me baby all we got to do is last 10 rounds all you hear is Scanlon you uh alright 23 points of acid damage as it begins to digest you from the inside are you because of the feast no please intelligence check to know if it to know anything about these creatures uh you can if you'd like to on the inside of its body yeah so you see this is here from the inside of a stomach and poof up here in a pub look over me I will inspire keyless and say I only want to see you slice thanks trinkets still sit there going like wanting to help but not be able to do anything my teen trinkets just doing what rock open the bag the ground begins to quake myself with Big B's hand pistol if you push too long I want to walk right up to grog right up to his nipples cuz that's where as high as I go some on the mouth two episodes while you were gone we were other guards came by and said that we were clear to go in terrible like you can go ahead and make a deception all right all right fine fun and he opens the door you guys walk in and there you see the entirety of the rest of the council if you please we have not just to discuss just real quick before we leave I'm sorry it's been I think I had a burrito can I just use a facility inside just to like a restroom because the doors gonna let you crap in the middle go in the back out of earshot but like the guards are pushing you out of the throne you have eyes on them all right give me ten minutes I sit down on the WC you take do you take your potion nope I don't and I said I polymorph into it into a fly and I'm gonna fly my way to the throne room the doors are closed yes those yes any gap at all there's a slight gap on the bottom okay crawl in there go ahead and make a dexterity statement girl thanks to a burst of arcane energy comes out from them you find your form immediately unfurl into that of scale in the gnome which then flock back onto the ground your polymorph spell dispelled all of a sudden the talk stops and the entire council turns back towards the entrance surprise ah that one's full the one that I tried to go into it's full and it moves us a big cleaning good to know Scanlon I thought there was another one this way there isn't Scanlon not not through there or anything all right carry on then you should send someone up to service it though right away looks over to Topher and Topher goes likes it it's a matter of security never done Thank You Scanlon no please okay two left's and a right and I'm out thank you she's quite special to me I think we should I think I should go and try to get her that's creepy she's she's just she's I'm not I'm not interested in her in that way she's recording her like two days ago things he's a good she's a good person and she deserves much better than the likes of me as never stop got a cube it's rather large cube listen all right she's she's really were related she's she's a short halt like a like a like a cousin like a sister like an aunt like a mother like like a baby like a baby's Joe's baby but she's she's she's my little girl you're a baby daddy no this it's this new information I'm still just adjusting to it holy [ __ ] yes your baby no I didn't I did not try to sleep with her I think deep down inside some part of me knew which is why I gave her all that gold I think I think you paid it for it no I'm a I'm a dessert I may deserve that no no it's not like that at all no there's no part of you that knew you had any children I mean I always knew that that was a possibility in the in the trade ID Liam what does that break singers yeah indeed listen drummer can be replaced easy when I played with them we had seven drummers in two years and I killed two yes I don't know quite know how to act or behave now and I'm going through a crisis of conscience and identity and I'm sorry I'm off my game right now but why do you keep saying she's related to you why don't you just call her exactly what she is your daughter okay all right that's weird are you liking my child is related to me I'm not good with this stuff I haven't done this before all right I haven't really had family for much of my life and this is a new thing and it's gonna take me some time to adjust and figure out what this means for me all right I've defined my most of my life by the people I've slept with and now this is a new part of me that I have to figure out the bar patrons and the owner of the establishment all verified that she indeed started and finished it I don't care who started or finished it obviously we will pay for the damages out of your troops pockets Your Majesty are you sure you don't want to write a check from the Treasury quite I've got the checkbook with me we could just write a check we will write a check for our friend's pocket but for the damages I feel that some responsibilities must be taken your job random subterfuge I had in mind some sort of ballad about a cautionary tale I could have picked anyone to be with me here so poorly you chose so poorly it's truly impressive how poorly you chose this is just like this bastard he always goes around trying to boss people around and throw his money around and I turn and I punch Percy in the face so that's ten Percy do you take it yes I take okay what a solid hit across the face you have to kind of lean in new to make it look more impactful than it really is oh and I punch a guard thirteen you whirl around at one of the guards that's rushing for to try and break this up and as you swing towards him your fist collides with the side of his helmet it definitely kind of shakes in him for a second he doesn't do much in the way of damage but it does kind of hurt you a little bit now the guards like stumbles back a bit I've just had it enough with all of you people we performers demand respect and deserve it as well am I to understand you walked in here and immediately struck a guard of the stockade I've just had it up to here with being bossed around by people like him but to make you feel better if he starred in trees it would it would make me feel better if he was thrown in prison oh don't worry you'll both be going great won't it be unfortunate when you find out I have diplomatic immunity blame you for this you should blame me for this I'm sorry just had a really shitty day all right he he doesn't deserve this let him go just take me as shillings Porter's huh I think father like daughter I listen I've come to get you out of here apparently you've done that very well don't worry I've still got some tricks up my sleeve just wanted to make sure you're all right it's been a lifetime hating you I'd imagined the moment we would finally meet for so long my idea of you she'd be like she'd say and you know what open to last night I was pretty spot on I've lot to process so I prefer not to do it in this dank sense if you have a way out please now is the time to do it I'm glad I came in handy fat don't you oh [ __ ] burn it down on the stockade I'd also like to point out ROG's single nut flick did more damage than your two full hey you said yesterday for no reason you figure out how to get the damn skull back to white stone by yourself how's that why don't we just let it be sorry I match my outfit I've got patty let's let it let us let it be him as the wall that the stages much rest up against now has perched above it an enormous vision of death a grinning ancient green dragon delicious cata alright son enjoys the taste oh I would like you all to roll initiative we can't fight for drag dad don't worry I'll kill it with music I will I'll big his hand and put it right in front of him and wow it's so tiny compared to him cover me and set a new domain of the chroma comic you know maybe the warden of that jail was a dragon we have a known no good ice you can join us phones ringing sorry oh you need to get done I'll send it to voicemail okay thank you Sam subconsciously we set a shady piece of [ __ ] to go bend the knee and walk on the inside listen jared is good but i don't want to sacrifice him like that what about you skalman oh I'm so good at lying and now you [ __ ] up and groveling drink it I'll do it I'll just go well what do we find a shady individual like he was saying what if why don't sin and Scanlon what if we find someone that person will surely [ __ ] yes we rocks machina I'm the de facto leader my name is Scanlon short halt I will hamed cone it up and I will cast dominate person on him I will tell him to just walk over to me and start emptying his pockets of anything he's looted face goes lip drops the mace in the ground and looks over towards you the eyes placed ever nose certainly muster it would be my pleasure and against like rifle through the pocket so that's ok you want to move anywhere yes there you are no I'll stay there to accept my treasure you there idiot York York you're not going to win you should not fight anymore because you're gonna die and get the conviction behind the war you know what I'll sing to him to intimidate him with that help if you want to go girl I will sing some people call me a gnome cowboy call Maurice because I'm a hitter I'm a winner I'm a bedroom my music on my shop all the various coin purses which interestingly enough are mostly empty other than a few copper it seems like whatever they've stolen is not on them currently they gave it to the dragon holes we ask no Dorf hey who have you been who have you been collecting swag for the Dragon okay last time I took a dragon's gold 5 of them shows don't you think the dragon knows everything that's going on right now I'm the spy oh I'm gonna go get the gold Karthik's dilemma is his first cohort is trying to raid we're really going to scramble about in the mud for coin today oh we've come this far I'm very easily swayed right right but if vex could somehow open to it can I just steal the head just a little bit see okay annoyed I'm sorry one second you know you're very charming but you're [ __ ] weirdo and I climb up after my sister stealthily fun okay all right I just shrug I think he was talking to you it's been a great day killing with you I will call paths cross again and perhaps in the catacomb I will let the gasp the clasp know that you're coming we tell them if whenever they see Scanlon short halt open the door they stealth so I don't know where they went do I roll the Zips from check you have no clue look at the tracks I can't read tracks go ahead and make a wisdom survival check just 333 okay you begin following a set of tracks that you think it's pretty much pretty close to theirs well I even know how to get home from here based on that check you get really discombobulated in the center of the rainy midday of my hand shoots out of the darkness and grabs CamLAN by the nose and wears gothic da [ __ ] da [ __ ] where is he I thought told me he was going back to his clasp entrance our paths will cross again he also said that you were kind of weird what would you like to do you kill all the dragons and save the day good work lady keema still around her did Hakeem has been investing not last time I'm sorry Laura is is claw Rhoda still here I wonder in all prudence should we should we go around to the Fugees and the refugees and and just do a quick like scam alignment check or something we should just kill one of them to make an example real game game is actually started what about you becoming a spy I've been thinking about that long and hard yes most of what I do as long as I've and my thoughts are still [ __ ] you no way so what you're saying is maybe I really like Percy's idea about stealing a plane I'm just throwing that out there I understand the joining don't need it now but we're going to be nice to them we could take all of these refugees with us understand point we would be helping human Pike can stay here and take care of them yes and so I blame what's happening to the killing put him on a wagon don't wanna lose your wagon the whites this is just how Gendler did it just debated it for a while no words to the mug observe I know an air headed druid whose plans are more gassy than fluid when the battle starts she turns her pals into Fox they see danger and pass right through it I don't know what we're going to do steal an airplane neither do i they don't have an answer with no judgment is shrinker Kelly trinket is staying with my oh that's a fine decision I know with you I will release my counterspell okay I assume he's casting something sing at him what you're aiming to riders I'm gonna dominate the flu the guy in front maverick not Hollywood African goose well and then end it was Hollywood wasn't that is oh that was Merlin Merlin no Robin was the teacher they got in trouble when Robin out knows what would was the guy that he was is you don't want to do this conversation fighters reaching down whilst holding on all of a sudden it's kind of shakes its head for a minute and looks down at you eyes connected and you know that this entity is waiting for its command okay let's just go for the big kahuna I command him to ride his beast to attack the one below him and this is ground control to major vex you really made the blade whose blood you spear I can just do a little thing so just just add to this would he be just get on the wyvern and kill the other one I'm gonna use cutting words on the last guy okay I'm gonna just distract him okay the Shirley tones it causes him to like reach up and grab one of his kind of lizard like ear holes my swing just goes wild Willie over your head however as you duck down you look up as you see the shadow come down of two large clubs at over the head of your time you know which form another 20 points of damage total of piercing damage as they both just hatched tearing into your body 52 points of damage I did fifty two three points left no no I know you did you can shot man Lester and I remember my turn yep yo yeah if I had a potion that would be great I will do thunder Wow thunder wave at at third level okay and I will sing to myself sort of sadly pathetically those are the two buttons on the backs video run towards Scanlan and then drag him backward behind grog your hands are so rough and masculine is and say you're welcome shorty oh don't you have like not the mustache but like something that can really change my looks how do you know I'm Scanlon don't ask us could I use that what if I ooh I cast minor illusion and give her a mustache what about that it's not pretty good fancy fancy must ask that you cannot wipe off your face a limerick for you you you're going to give me a limb have you heard tale of Scanlon the bird or Burt Reynolds if you look at his card Oh always tries to get laid sometimes with ladies he made I still respect him cuz rhyming is hard keep up those rhymes not bad for a first time you know when I come back our keep will be gone and we'll be able to build it back up destroy we find a new keep but my room is just the way I want it I'm sure that some lucky dragons gonna come and [ __ ] in your bed it'll be fine notice all right if we're gonna leave and leave the keep a home heated moment see my room I go to my room I take a dump on my bed you've used it at the temple potion straight up to this drain up poop okay marking your territory I respect that I hang a note on the on the on the gate of the Keith it's like a butter knife I put a note on the gate to the keep that says if Kaley comes go to weight Whitestone PS if my painting is delivered please forward to Scanlon short-haul to care of white stone Sam's here on the store tonight Sam's here there you go Sam you look different tonight I do yeah you look handsome Irv that is impossible I do like your shirt No thank you sure it is a very nice shirt hi guys welcome to a critical role where we nerdy ass voice actor it's a roll dice and play Dungeons & Dragons yeah I mean she gave us a lot to Sphynx about so there's a very slow clap echoing into the should split up into eight groups i toast to celebrating the end of the world with the best friends no no when one is born into gentry one is born with an innate sense of Destiny and innate sense that the world is moving in a direction [ __ ] the Dragons what is it like noon max man or a vex man like what kind what's how do you roll how do you I don't I don't again I don't know what that means interested in the rogue or the Ranger we're identical oh oh I see what you say I get known Adam I go I go taco not hotdog okay I choose VAX and our choose Scanlon we give him his strength sir as you finish that sentence two monks that you failed to notice were behind you shove both of you into the pit okay tumble catch grogs Armand lift him onto his feet as you land yourself at his side scaling his face down on the sand Chuck smacks his dagger back at you it sinks into your shoulder suddenly before it vanishes and returns to your belt I'm Scanlon my buddies Scanlon all right I'll stand up out of the sand and I will I will I will look extremely weak and I will sing a song to him oh I will I will turn attempted to test with a horn I bite on him out I'll sing mama I've bitten twice shy I wanted to go to sleep in the sand okay he glanced Adobe for a second and his eyes can roll back knee just falls back in the sand unconscious all the monks currently are kind of gasping and hail to the Goliath hail victory [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] instead of sleeping this time I would like him to just get sick be sick you swear you hear the clamping of someone's and dominoes in the distance like a unhappy digestive tract you didn't sleep well did you kill that monkey douche bag white boy take out your daggers and kill that monkey douche bag till he died Rose it back towards you you could be inspired [Laughter] [Laughter] all you have to do is pour allegiance to the Washington and just yeah just punch just a couple punches oh wait now I roll for damage yep with lady's hand yeah rarely do this that's true you're a psycho killer with a bearded face gah gah gah gah gah gah [Laughter] blows against you behind him so I will just lightning bolt him from right there [Laughter] [Laughter] Susan for the pages one of the highest of the the order the Raven Queen her name was named perv on a last name [Music] [Applause] so I seen you've noticed I've seen you checking out some of the members of our little group here this is a very interesting group you have here it's for sure it's in VAX doesn't fly that way I don't think and he's been eyeing him pretty good huh max I'm just I'm just looking out for you brother he's he's not available what else do you are keen eyes perceive I see the way you've been flirting with him it's adorable that's funny I didn't think anyone was gonna pick up on it well I'm a romantic so you are that he has a way about him you have to admit he does he has a flair it's not my thing obviously I go for the the lady hookers Oh to each his own am i right yes yes but no you have good taste in men this crew is lucky to have you yes yes very and they are they really are that that's your keen eye yeah well feeling says you would call them romance as you would say you are so in touch I do my best oh you're right we do have quite a bit to talk yeah we have another two and a half hours on this watch what you guys talk a little quieter sorry are you gonna be able to get her bored with my little plan for her brother I think she just wants her brother to be happy that's one you know how do you come up with your songs by the way oh well you know I think of like a word and then I've tried to think of a rhyme for it oh I'm like cushaw like what could that be what kind of push all you know something like that no I'm working on rickshaw rickshaw rickshaws a good secret weapon I I sleep near Percy a lot Oh Easter he rhymes in his sleep strangest takes a while okay something rhymes with world follow the fish brother but you hold your ear for uh I this is something we all do I don't know why it doesn't we don't need to do this you know what I'm gonna try it without it might feel weird girl can you hear me spiral staircase and some snot so we're gonna keep going wait wait you're going you're going down into the socket agog that's that's all go down to scale and you use step directly up to the very very edge of of these blades swing from cache off watch this someone needs to reach their little hand in there and little gnome hands man yes impress me all right watch this y'all it's about two inches wide did you bring your head into view to kind of inspect the inside you reach over and just my thing hit it with your fingers okay as you do you look quickly over to your right and the blade is already pulling back towards towards the area where your head is and then halts and other blades are just hanging it weren't for facts you'd be my man rainbows are a sunrise Zara the moon too she vanishes into the darkness oh [ __ ] you must die you can move a little bit faster because you're you have 30 gold less than you do and if we're talking Percy you got a perfect gun so put it on me and pull that trigger if you shoot him inspiration 25 feet you're no man tiny little legs see me you're not we'll find out if you try something as a bonus action that way buddy sorry am I gonna do something unorthodox that the DM is going to have to approve okay where we put in hand by the way a round grog okay and I would like to swing grog like a hammer at the back of the thing your fastball special in him with Big B's hands yeah I am so about this you get +8 each damage role from the force of Big B's hands friends I don't mean to sound bitter but a year ago life was a [ __ ] till I picked up some dice with some friends it was nice and now I'm a critter what is that what does that blur of green it's a sorry sorry Sam you should be your shirt is that new cuz I love it so much thanks but I'm also wearing a tag cuz it's a special night right it's a special occasion ah so is Laura dead but something's already in there something is also married with I'll take that blasting that scam ins ever held outside of that gun that you are you talking about what do we remember from the great / bond story I just remember that perv on story touched me touch me inappropriately and do a little bit more research on gold Rick first that would be - okay Rockets Gatlin what you guys doing I think there's some orc parts in there that have been in for a couple months I got all nervous when they mentioned a girl I escaped so I kind of need to go boom boom so no one can hear it help like stand as you see one of the wood boards splintered on the side for a second what's in it for you [Laughter] are you talking to your [ __ ] ya know you gotta let know who's boss yeah how'd you say something about blood yeah no I'm uh sweatin it was like a real workout that one at some point you said are you full privy you know they're starting to give me bum a tickle you know you don't want to like dip in the buckets oh did you wanna are you sure I warmed it up for you it's like I'm ready to go I'm feeling so like vacated Jameson the painters workshop did you finish it please okay let's go look a fantastical landscape of rolling hills and tree lines rising up at the edges you can see a mountain scape in the distance and there atop this fantastic green hilltop you see on this this fine white and gray steed as it raises up hooves in the air is yourself shirt open chest just slightly fuzzy and muscular as you look up your hair blowing in the breeze face the face the face is pretty damn spot-on and they're behind clutching you from the side you can see pike wearing this long kind of grayish silver and blue robes that are also flowing behind a long train longer than it needs to be stylistically it was a choice in the artistic point and it is it is everything you hoped it would be you paid good money for this piece I'm gonna request drug to go the toe boobies I just I just regard it for a few minutes just taking in the beauty and the wonder of all I've accomplished I have a question would keyless and Scanlon be crying in rooms at the same time right now yes the different reasons and tireless liest of Wi-Fi vibes ever am I gonna give him an extra fifty gold oh thank you it takes your hand and shakes it vigorously gingerly rolls up the canvas it takes a good like three minutes to roll the whole thing up and it's quite heavy as he hands it over your hand yeah it almost takes you off your feet no it's you I mean you so magnificent raagh I watched you [ __ ] for an hour beast that will kill us all yes much morning who has that boat oh boy I do oh yeah don't worry it's safe why'd you keep it you know it's back in my room all right well I'm just gonna do it then no I don't know how to use this thing by the power of Ravens slumber I command the awakened beast cool otherwise face your new master and no his name is dark gray and black wolf easy easy don't you go garlic garlic Baldrick there are several items that are sold out of the store everyone else begins slowly waking up after the night's rest as you guys both bags into your eyes Oh God go [ __ ] yourself you're up buddy hey friend oh yeah what's up well we saw to then you leave the room I'm already as low as I can go how do you do it how do i do what do in your life as much as anyone in this room you're almost dying every day - you [ __ ] smiling all the time the - how did you do it I'm kind of asking is lean - Sam as well it mostly preserve access Callen how are you doing you almost died yesterday as well what two days ago [ __ ] thanks I I don't know I mean I just I like you people okay everything before this was not as good this is better that's why it's very simple you had a shitty childhood didn't you yeah you and you and the sister yeah I think grog had some some troubles we've all had our share of [ __ ] before we all met now we're together for a family this is better that's how I smile it's better than it was before that's it you're going to die in the next month yes but it's fun while it lasts all right thought I might glean some wisdom yeah but I'm just as confused before listen I'm older than you a bit I've seen more than you have and it's all shitty so it just depends on how you look at it you can dwell on the [ __ ] or you can just leave it behind in people's beds and keep going our Gilmore shirt sold out really quickly this shirt right here not sure that you were wearing if a Gilmore's glorious I have it it's terrible Oh roll the stealth checks for me if you could okay 30:28 all right as the entire group kind of bends down into a ninja like stands behind you bounding very loudly is it a gentle gnome overkill in this one you are you you're [ __ ] shootin at me you're asking me question these are zombies these are Undead my name is Gerren blanston [Laughter] he watched the corner of your eye as well girl you see this tiny little numb step to the side conjures some arcane kind of purplish blue energy and then thrusts his pelvis forward as a bolt of lightning energy just Rockets forth pairings of course tearing into both oh I don't think I've ever seen that happened before please help us and to inspire you I will sing you a song and I feel City inspired by your dick light into me oh oh there's more I think a song is gonna get better than that it might it might and so I sing to everything roldy 24 musical taste for for it catches you by the ear with delight your your bad actually I quite enjoyed how you works my first name into that actually and I'll do it a level-two Thunder Wave to go ahead and roll your damage 3d8 Thunder damage 20 I I send the thunder wave out by cracking my knuckles as I do so I I do em good might want to check this out oh I'm since I'm looking at something over here doing something really cool be with you in just a minute you even missed your own Thunder a spell you were so distracted you look back you crack your knuckles and it's gone but you didn't see it happen it's a little disappointing overall I kicked the dirt I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna make him the boy in the bubble so I will cast o taluks resilient sphere yes you're suppose to 20 right now right it is Wow and April the 1980s looking away what just happened oh [ __ ] what always look at me I was singing to him again cuz he loves it so much I'm fine with twenty girl baby girl I will never again not watch your spell-casting tiny bundle of adorable creature should I shoot this guy or this guy yeah well guy next to me might hit me but whatever how's that stuff under my feet pretty rough you're gonna want to step off it very soon probably I'm gonna step into it so I can fire a lightning bolt and hit both of those guys sharks pasts go ahead I saw that it was holding your broom Allah Hafiz you don't want that to go in the fire to try to help him out okay and steal the bra and with that go ahead and cast invisibility on itself and then it vanishes from view great as it does that do I recognize the spell you do Auto yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna distract it with with with this a nap with a nap [Music] keep going distract him with your morning radio program for the first time ever use that stupid Ione I am haha and cast lightning bolt again I'm just stick sticking with my method alright alright hey how do you wanna do this I'd like to have an angle it somehow so that he will drop right on top of the girl I feel like Grogg can do something to a falling behemoth and if I can I'd like to burn a big s in his chest as you charge up and blast lightning bolt from your crotch region you then do like a little dance maneuver with your waist causing it's a carve Scanlon s into the torso of the free and I go to cast okay you're sure you just looked at me when I cast my spell this is why I never looked at hard it's wrong to doubt you oh no you you're done constant source of disappointment where's my [ __ ] broom volcano the magma the monsters the fire torn in the sky I it's it's lovely it's charming thank you this isn't my homeland oh how well you know me oh I'm sorry I thought you lived here and don't judge me scam and you didn't see me do it I didn't I'm judging you Laura Bayless keyless if I may yes Scanlon you said that's so weird that's how it's spelled a few laughs kela are your people comfortable in these little huts I could assist us with slightly better shelter what do you mean with my magical dalliance --is I will take a moment take a minute and cast more than kind ins magnificent mansion oh I'm so proud of you okay I'm so proud of you it's a sick but I don't how well it's like the my day and letting it all hang up shimmering doorway just standing in the center of the space in front of you would you like to come into my my place it's a it's a little it's a little modest Shack refugees I mean where do they go when you mean you make the door going this is my place all right I don't want any riffraff in there I can solve this are any of the pirate tribe hocked through the soot and ash and the rather somber atmosphere here that paints them as a people that are the survivors of a horrible calamity beyond that there's probably a few that you consider attractive sure they're cursing at you I saw her wink at you earlier I don't realize that you should impress her the one with with the face too sheared off yet why not all right not really my type of like full-faced people but I'll take it I'll take my assuring people don't worry about your shelter for tonight let's Kalin short I'll take care of you in every way shape and form imaginable come with me through this weird magic door into another plane believe me it's gonna be okay there are a hundred attendants who can wait on us do you pay them well no they like it for some reason but if I can command them to do literally anything and they like it watch this watch this I call one over you there you there yes master can you please braid my chest hair of course master do you like this job it is my purposes see this is what I'm telling our dining room has a portrait of myself in it not not the one that I had commissioned but one that I had envisioned before it's just me in a smoking jacket standing in front of a fireplace with me and a smoking jacket above it Stephen Colbert style and then we all have our own separate rooms all of the beds are circular oh they all have a mirror over them grace said mine is a waterbed so be careful castle so how do we know that you haven't installed creepy spy things into our rooms when we go to the to the rest of it these servants will do whatever you want that is terrible it's a terrible path you're going down I am way ahead of you girl I'm Way ahead of you as I said there are a hundred servants here fifty of them are assigned to me and my own personal service the rest are are available to you in whatever capacity you would like this will be the best night ever there's individual rooms for all of us - at the end of the hallway and is slightly bigger than the rest you will find comfortable beds and things in every room you two rooms next to mine are reserved one is for pike and the other across the hallway is for Kaylie just in case she ever drops by that's sweet weird but sweet don't worry it's not weird no it's not super dooper fine I find when you have a daughter you can you can worry about her as much as I do you know you bought a drink if you know what I totally forgot to bill drink at a place to sleep that's okay you'll stay in Katie's roof the time Betty you wouldn't mind staying no we just think about this for a second there is there's the third pantry the third pantry could possibly work it has some some just mostly no no it's full we can't use that I start pawing into the bag of holding or you do put it between your legs and try to sit on it all right really I'm doing the same thing upstairs one of your servants named brew I can help you with should we retire to my room for this why yes we should I run up to my room make sure that everything's neat a bunch of candles I follow them up and knock on the door I'm lying in bed black satin sheets oh oh ho I forgot you were coming to ask you I should warn you we're not alone and I look over to the five musicians and I asked him to just strike up a little whatever it's just you know it's my special place what I just like to come and think about philosophy and life I sit down next to one the minute it goes up and down a bits of waterbed [Music] what was it did we see that before maybe ok scanned and I'm a terrible person I know you took guns magical broom no it won't work and it was pointless and I want it to work help me can I examine it to see if there's any markings any like hidden anything on it make an intelligence check you tell it or you know oh no this this would be specifically investigation 21 there is a certain phrase very cleverly hidden amongst the room it is not common what languages do you know common gnome pig latin it spells out phonetically the word for candle at which point the broom weirdly you are not the first floating chick I've had in my bed but that is amazing you're flying I hug him I hug you miss oh I love you so much you my favorite present is right now I kill you nope you owe me nothing it's what friends are for I love you I shake her little elf hands pretty big I'll think oh man I instruct the band to start playing flight of the bumblebee great up there thank you but you should not have helped him you're going to have to help someone else perhaps I will pick someone for you to help someday it's a repay us both I think that's a deal Scanlon alright I will mark that down would you like a hag now don't we leave this place all these people die at me just paste it you're supposed to you're supposed to churn the milk after it shouldn't leave something drink it and then another round of chickens has just arrived for us to eat I don't know what breakfast is so I just keep demanding that's like a baked chicken if you're too scared to do it we can go elsewhere why don't you all go in I'll stay back with grog thank you I turn this Gadlin oh you know makes rot yes the best of mates I can hear the sword talking to me I'm telling you because you and I have such a history rot and I feel like you won't judge me but look I'm afraid the rest of the group won't quite understand do you want to hold the soul sure that's a good idea how big is it it's a great sword it's about right the size let's twice the length of your whole body and probably weighs close to as much as you do can you hold the top part and I'll just hold it by the handle grab the blade in our hand the hilt no second thought no don't worry about it it's it's clearly and I'll take you back no it's no it's just do I believe him make it inside check 7/3 drug you want to give me the sword and I will cast suggestion on him you know what it's a great idea I feel like you should hold this old you hold it in your hand now it's through and everything good everything good away from all of us well it's heavy yeah I'm gonna throw it in the acid why do I scream ask your question I crave an edge have you been talking to my friend Grogg prove to me you're worthy is it saying something no no it's not saying anything craving it how do I prove I'm worthy older gentleman who's now returned to picking a few crops in a poisonous direction - I think I'll try to give the sword back - grog making charisma check is this magic let me double check if you're referring to the the gnomish racial capability let me go back to the whole sex this this can make a difference here also yes because last fall 20 the sheer force of personality that begins to exude from this weapon you sense that it is old it has seen many a hand and has probably taken far many more life but it's not met a gnome like you or a family of short halt you both hear a voice and pains to go Kevin Costner's wielded dreams and you're James Boggs yeah totes just like that time in among you still got old magic go right old magic doll you have no house oh yeah yo magic door yes magic go if you have it I have a little pike figuring why is everything I say creepy you said a lot of people can go into your your house yeah I can fit many people into my hole could you first rule of the night natural 20 no an intelligence it's not a transporting type spell it is a temporary shelter at best you just don't want to bring them in I have a cold cold heart I'll I'll consider taking the females him that is very noble of you so noble I will join him in this chariot yes we're in the woods right I'm hiding in a tree me is like a tree this is your brother and you're so good at that dress [ __ ] Vina oh wait remind us who Chris V news that dude that sent us on a very first mission together you guys yeah he protected us as a ghostly tragic but maybe you should sing scannin as you approach oh right now on our way to where the role perform check perform yes [Applause] but plus 13 okay oh wait plus 14 plus 14 okay guards come forward who goes that you're all kind of looking on this this source of singing crossbows you remember what Pike looks like yeah about your size whitish hair hair the color of the sunset eyes like waves that crash in the night breasts supple firm of morning dew she begins to cover Simon's ears we're looking for the vestiges of divergent [Music] that's what we want if you can offer us one of those we'll do business with you know otherwise we're gonna [ __ ] off I I've heard of this title before you say you're seeking them are you I am not that where are you seeking this I'm Damon actually I made it for myself call it what you like how about the hunk of qual the hunk of Jewish suddenly didn't we have a conversation about letting him name things I feel like we had that couple enjoy carrying amongst yourselves the hunk of a cop doesn't mention pie yeah yeah inherited some money it's a long story great-uncle Vesuvius the court said that he had to give me know my room obviously the biggest tallest of course pikes a close second yeah beautiful covered in yellow rose petals as far as giant portrait in the center of the main stairway now that has both Scanlon and you on horse on horseback over a beautiful landscape there's a little mini mini prayer area for him apprentice Aaron ray and there's a little statue of seven right and if you if you pull it a little secret door opens to my room [Laughter] only on myself I'm not really concerned with other people's vices or bad behaviors but grog has this sword I'm just worried about it just keep an eye on it I don't know what it is and maybe you could just check it out next time your friend enough with him I felt like there was something weird with that sword wanna see what I'm checking out I don't want to judge him or what he does but just make sure that it won't kill any of us that's all I care about yeah that's a good point I sleep tight and if you hear any footsteps in your room it's not me it's the servants I'm sure you perhaps installed a some sort of workspace you mean the all-purpose room requirements I'm a little worried by what whole purpose necessarily means with a backlight seven servants to each have a loaded pigeon stops just in time and half hazards a focuses on just the chicken not realizing where the chicken had now fallen past releases it as you're watching this chewing suddenly [Music] all right well let's say breakfast is over the other other servants are holding their chickens at the ready great job guys this is the best brunch we've ever done thank you for that scandalous sure sure turn to pike my love and inspire her with a song I used to scry you on the [ __ ] phone I know and I poop phone glows it can only be one no home ever since you left the potty you were peeing hands plain sight yeah starring Ashley Johnson two arms that are out like this although the right arm from the elbow down is missing it's broken off in stone a young human male shortish brown hair spectacles the end of his nose this is Terry oak the eye I mean no as all of a sudden his arm begins to just spray counts of blood Oh God lucky to be alive and now you're going on an adventure with us hey who has two thumbs and is really excited you and me both doing this 20 funny I should do that you kind of like yeah you're right I'm thankful to be alive today joining us no singing Travis what's the plan I can distract let's Scanlan handle the door I can handle the distraction I'm really good at distractions you are you're incredible you're the only one who can make a Hefner mansion there's not many that you can conjugates Pixies and little things trust yeah that's little creatures okay pretty country I'm don't know um you have to know what you're doing detective expensive Alicia the spell does say your DM will have a list of the creature the dryads both appear summoned out of Eve out of the ether and land on the snow courage the ground gives out from under they both feel yeah and fall into a pit here oh [ __ ] see aren't you glad that was it me yeah good job was yours was just total trick Sam 15 but it doesn't matter I'm walking forward okay good man I'm gonna cast the resilience fear on myself okay and I'm just going to roll into camp wait can I go with you a little bit don't I'm gonna I wanted to come and do it thing with him Vicky says don't let him do his thing it's Marble Madness everybody I know just start singing to get their attention you avoid the pit you roll around it's all the orcs kind of look over all the orcs now have stood up grab their weapons and they see this giant hamster wheel of a gnome rolling into the candy I look really confused but have their weapons ready to go begin to attempt to attack your overs well all three strike at the orb trying to cut through can I act like they're hurting me if you want to 27 okay Sam I'm going to need five small as they're all striking at this sphere they're all getting windbg sweat dripping off their brow as they're not seemingly making an impact however with each pain cry you give out you see their grins widen and they realize no this is working in all three of them the one war chief is like good ol kiss for all and they keep just slamming inside this and hope some cutting through it cats with a catnip tour I'm gonna drop the orb and dimension door into one of the tents but orbit vanishes and with a flick of your wrist there goodbye wave you on the inside you can see there are two people I'm a human or are they dancer they are they are human her blood runs cold her memory has been sold my druid is a centerfold I'm gonna go with her you going on the broom yeah I'm gonna turn into a mangy crow it looks like it would be with a witch thank perfect I don't think we should land on the ground we should just kind of say oh this is really smart and you coming because we can't do anything do you want to pop out of that can you pop back in one coffee yes to calls for no okay I'll just fly in I'm just flying around in the dark knocking to defend you to close in this shadow doing a couple of things I just quickly just pee a little on this on the side of the wall turn into an owl and get out of there hmm how old ascends quickly and Luke's you we should go back [Laughter] blackbirds for a while just touchy something oh yeah sorry I forgot well actually no I don't know what you're talking about the frost wield yet much built must feel might you the Sphinx is bearing its gleaming white teeth there at the top what is my name roll initiative you are not throwing your shot you are not totally your shop you're just like a sister you're young brooding and hungry and you're not throwing away your words okay blow my Shum all right each that brings it to a 17 what's your AC sixteen oh my god his name is his name is there's nothing you're completely deaf however because you were previously frightened you find your muscles tense up and your vocal paralyzed as well cannot move you cannot speak acknowledge oh hey folks save it we can't fish it to my desk what a [ __ ] don't worry I still have my lips chiz Grogg stands up let's starts walking into the snow of the forest the blade out topples and falls to one knee then falls face-first in the snow wait don't break it don't break it why not his soul could be inside of it what do you mean is so I touch the sword it spoke to me it wants it craves strength from other beings wait what do you mean it was spoke to you and I inspire sure I just hold her hand and I look in her eyes and I just say please Pike please please I love him as much as you do and the arm of grogs body well grabs you by the throat he manages to close off the windpipe just for a short moment but in that time the red fades from his eyes and the first inhale of breath comes in the grogs chest and the moment confusion hits you as you look around and notice this tiny gnome in your grip head beet-red as you notice that your thumbs are pressed into his larynx Oh No sing a very romantic ballad bring it oh my little pretty one I little pretty my god really oh my little pretty one pike the gnome ah oh oh you make my nipples hump my nipples hum oh you make my nipples up [Music] the sword and save drugs life so a resident in the mouth mouth no no no no guys can sleep wherever you want to mention I'll be sleeping you remember we wake up to a grand chicken full breakfast what's a waffle I spend some of the morning just with a little piece of parchment paper and a pen just writing out something okay I don't answer hi Scanlon hello just did you get your robe and everything the monograms I spelled it right thank you so much and these the scented candles yes it smells so good in here great if you need anything there's a little belt there's two bells next to your bed there's one to call servants and there's one for me oh thanks for what is mine Percy and I strategize we're doing strategies right listen there's been a lot of death recently and well just I might die and stuff so don't read this until I do do you open in parentheses til I'm dead that's all I never have to open this and with each swoosh down the I was going to make myself look like you but a dead version of you can I hear your best undead croak Roy so right so I'm I'm so dead maybe you don't say call alright then I've been dead for six years it's amazing it's like a verbal mirror I don't know what - groans dad looks this you do you fought him he was a rotting corpse in front of you trying to kill you way back in the beginning of course how could I forget what was your dad's name we're currently there's a stone John Stone job strong God I'm ready to do this except for a few holes in our plan good I don't run very fast what have you borrow my boots that levitate I can't move myself though I think I would be the Dread Pirate Roberts back son knows who he is No just killed him two days ago can you remember who you killed two days ago I can I remember all of them because I barely kill anybody oh I'm just gonna walk in two straight into town okay you recognize two the heads appendix a heads on spikes they're pretty much in the center of the city Breck I know you also there's no response mmm so much so like is the first time I've seen you like at a loss I wanted to read the note [Music] yeah I'll uh I go over to where the most people are congregated and it's gonna be right at this right at this the steps of the margrave's Manor I position myself about seven feet away from them okay and I cast thunder wave and with that hmm pretty sure that as soon as you do [ __ ] higher level and is important visibilities like that is the one that remains oh hi guys hi guys around they weren't expecting it roll initiative right now pull out their weapons get ready to them actually angrily I know that Pike didn't read the letter though so I'm okay I'll dimension door into the house where the guy's eyeballs yes I like it yes I will go toward it 500 feet okay so as you up here I'm guessing your breath you look over your shoulder and you hear the distance more couple yells like a belt that's going on in the center of the town square you guys can hear in the very distance a series of bells waiting to go through [ __ ] oh sweet Jesus they haven't caught up to me right no no there you can move 500 feet in one second there they they have no idea where you went you just showed up went five and vanished out I'm gonna go again dimension door into the temple okay you do see the temple you're only in the interior of it now hear a series of gasps as you can now see huddled inside of this temple roughly 30 or so people turning around you see hunkered down inside a half work that rushes around his half his hat half kilter spins around puts his blade out you gotta be kidding me Scanlan that's me as dr. granzin standard Kaylie weren't you just talking about him yesterday as your daughter stands behind him kind of like holding two of the children trying to protect him as you appeared looks up at you and goes right now I'm afraid we have a bit of a problem see my friends are stationed outside the main gate lying in wait for these goliaths that are terrorizing the town and my mission was to come in here and somehow convince the goliaths to leave through the main gate and my mission is not complete and I'm afraid well I've roused them and they're going to come in here and kill us all so we're a bit of a time crunch hi and doctor doctor you are such a long friend of mine and a trusted companion but I'm afraid though I love you I you cannot help me out I need Kaylee's help in this I guess some things don't change over time you son of a [ __ ] all right so what kind of business am I getting out of now father door slides a couple more inches in and you see an arm come through now holding against the side of the room I'm going to very quickly and with her help usher everybody back into this back stair okay turn around blow my horn of fog to fill the room partially with smoke okay and then I'm going to tell Kaylie can you throw your voice can you change your voice again okay can you be the scariest [ __ ] voice you've ever done in your entire life I will tell you what to say I'll whisper it to you you just be the voice I will be the the visuals alright I'm going to create an image and you're going to talk out of it alright so I will use just a micro illusion to create the head of Stone jaw strong jaw really quick here's your motivation you're a you're a dead Goliath you were killed in in combat by one of your own and you probably sound really scary and [ __ ] up ready go okay I tell her I am Stone jaws strong jaw oh I'm stones are strong jaw returned from the realm of the dirt that's please keep going keep going you're doing great I love you okay keV Jack Sun zan roar killed me in in dishonorable combat I can't go to the other side until I have avenged my death yeah strong joy you say as strong as that jaw yours throws an axe towards it just passes through and clatters behind you idiot I am but a projection the real stone jaw is currently outside the main gate waiting for a battle of revenge against zan raw send him now you two make quite the team I would Thank You Kaylee that was better than I could have ever done eighty-three damage to them and they're pro they know the location of the entrance to the to the sewers correct Haley excited she knew you I gather the people around and I say we're going to be moving through the city rather fast in case we are spotted I'm going to disguise you all as a band of irritable half-orcs and grotesque humans and the like using seaming and just look ornery and look mean and if you if you are approached just sort of spit and kick the dirt and look pissy we'll go make a performance jackets I can demonstrate it yes yes with my acting abilities some vocal warm-ups you know what do you want to get deep everyone try you always be disappointed to find that I can take care of myself no I won't be disappointed at all in fact that makes me quite happy good can we be often well alright okay as long as you're happy I'm not right listen I'm sorry it's just I never get to see you and I know we're in a rush here and everything you can't listen you can't hate away me being your father alright I will always be the guy no matter how much you curse my name and wish I was not part of you my blood is inside of you and I'm sorry I'm sorry people but you know I care about you alright alright it's not gonna stop me from trying to hate you away but I get what you're saying who's your water I step forward and say he was killed by that no no where'd you see it right in the center of town he was a scary undead gnome and he's roving about keV doc sent us to search for him weak exception check 19 circulatory come with us then see if we can swarm it follow me if I may if I may actually uh keV doc said to follow the gnome and he ran this way I'm sorry we have to follow keV Doc's orders in a few more way stay on the trail folks see you again you ain't good or dead gnome on your hands I'm gonna cut that a head from its shoulders all right you have my word we're gonna do yep see you later you guys quickly go dart in as you all jump inside add Randall grabs the great top it's I'm behind him right before he closes it I step out I step out and I say take them to safety bring them outside the city hide stay safe all right same goes for your skipper well I'll do my best okay it appears they're doubling down in the center of the town do you have any idea on why they would be doing this well I don't know they're very perceptive I'm I may have alerted all of them to our presence Oh rod it was a distraction sure and in a sense that was my mission I'm glad you're okay Oh oh thanks is that bike yeah oh hi hi hi Oh how's it going out there what should I do where should I go where who should I kill stay put and let us come to you what do you see around you you idiots on broomsticks flying around I've got a plan I go to the center of town I create a distraction that's pretty much all my plans are always we could put your magical hole inside of a building and if anyone finds your magical hole they can jump in it by the way so many jokes so many jokes resisting your being very good the stars at night are big and bright deep in the beard of strong jaw really I don't need I don't need any help I'm fine just shut up and take it Scanlan there's some sort of there's some sort of ritual that we need to do together to make this happen this happened so fast I will use the myth Carver oh wow why we're here okay rollin attack okay okay I'm gonna hold the sword kind of fumble with it yeah pulled it up again and then close my eyes just like this okay so the attack gives you advantage but the blindness gives you disadvantage top six role intact 20 on points damage as you come with the blade cover your eyes as you pull back the blade the slight humming sound kind of the blade actually kind of vibrates in place and as you thrust forward it goes through like butter when a heated play just the blade you you you think you missed then you open and peek through your eyes and see that you enter straight through his face like you hit nothing the face the skull hold up it's still kind of vibrating a little bit there is no blood on the blade the actual like like the sonic vibrations of the weapon managed to shake free any possibility of any of the gore stick you talked about that before we go yes I have to inspire everyone [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] [Laughter] that was a gift from boy keV dak I have a message from the people of Western and I i moon him kiss are metaphorical hairy AUSA's just like that on your shirt yes glances over his shoulder and sees the shiny gnome butt up off the top continuing the swing though to attack go ahead and reduce the damage [Music] are you building miss Carver so his next saving throws a disadvantage right from my crouched butt out position whilst holding my hand cone of clarity I will cast hold person at level 3 on keV tack on keV - wisdom saving throw with disadvantage yes that is true that was good that was good he rolled a 19 and an 8 taking the eight that brings it to a 10 that's a failure on him Stefon you see the gleaming ass of stanlon in the distance but the High Noon son kind of just bouncing off of his pale sun-dappled gnomish skin these two round globes of victory keV DAC 18 what's your DC oh just peek over the side and say never gonna [ __ ] you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and not heal you currently standing there with his left arm bisected it is weapons within 5 feet yeah not something I know you wish to modifier but but what's the dice to the dice a double broods gonna rush forward here bit-level cure wounds on keV doc you know what [ __ ] it I'll counter spell that it's too high oh no no ok so it's at a fifth level go ahead and roll for it 17 yeah the spell be able to do a fireball without hitting either key key or that innocent I'm fine subject is the center innocent it would hit those innocent they're both innocent angle it a little over towards key key so it doesn't hit the innocent with your angle you can angle it this oh what a hit back vivax oh yeah [ __ ] sorry it's to do it I'll kill the innocent do we all know I killed the innocent I said it already too late so for a peasant he is incinerated and you hear the horrible scream of pain has killed something guys that was the first thing we killed we're seeing killed in this fight was an innocent villager with that scream that echoes in the back ear mind knowing the decision you made a little party our heart sinks in your chest you're trying to get sixteen or higher but I'm I get advantage no as I'm wearing this everything no no you know it's this kind of intense fun that you can get an every I'm gonna use healing word on Grogg and I'm just gonna start chanting strong jaw strong jaw strong strong jaw I will cast baby's hand and lift grogg up like thirty feet like a [ __ ] God you know what because because he's the God and the hand is subservient it's the back of the hand you stand above us all claiming dominion over a herd know me down I swoop him down I sort of make like a fist to the clenches right next to him train I'd point Big B's hand like he was - [Laughter] yeah too late you'll bring him back sorrow my god never raise dead zombie or desert no just raises it seems to almost create a third voice then you hear clearly there is a third voice harmony harmonizing within that you don't know where it's coming from it's me as the the beautiful musical tones of the singing come to a close your holy symbol of the glow fades and a moment passes before you hear the soft coughing of the child will I I'm quite successful as gnomes go in fact banchon I'll tell you how your room is the one covered in rose petals Joey the mansion come with me okay I take him upstairs show me room and before I bid him adieu I say later tonight we can discuss more but I I would like to ask for your granddaughters hand in man first I need you to roll oh no a persuasion well it's the 20 for me I think about it I call for five servants and I instruct them to take him wherever he like to go and give me whatever you need don't be cheap with the chicken we had 40 goliaths throw 40 chains attached to all Goliath fine well here's the other 30 Goliath's with throw 30 chains with 30 spikes on them at this dragon I bet few would hit their strong we're smart let's do this so what we're never gonna kill any of the dragons then because that will happen at some point we will and they won't react then it's where this is our mission to kill these dragons I want to go I want to go find my daughter I'm kind of leave sorry what was just leaving yeah I gotta go sorry just like that yeah we got a tummy do you want help yeah I do I'd like facts to come sure honey sure sure yes yeah we're gonna wait for you here you can start the talk without it'll be fast oh okay you'll be right back I just like to throw in and say that I don't want to fight the dragon tomorrow all right let's go I do want to end by coverton I'm hoping that he can track or something probably should have brought a ranger with you [Laughter] [Music] okay thanks yeah I know that you are an expert tracker right I'm pretty good up watch my sister do it wait it's you're not the one you know that I'm my name is Vance the tracker guy can we go in the sewer and see if we can find figure out where they went let's have a look they went down here and they went towards the city wall that's all I know let's go okay probably pretty new okay let's follow them you are the experts I clearly have let's go as you passed by and look you see a series of wounds across its body and it's life blood dripping out this one has been slain I think you daughter done killed anybody yeah so now know that it's dead oh oh good I think she got out of here pal but she's not here that's true she's better off alright alright sorry I'll have a goose chase no I don't worry Donny you want to talk about it no no just I just don't know when I'll see her again so like I'll find her again that's all oh and hey thank you back at the Sphinx your sister was unconscious and you dove in to save me I knew she would be taken care of and I wasn't sure about you because you loved me ah you're very entertaining and I would be sad to see you go well I owe you one forever and I hate to say it but I feel terrible about it but I think I might have killed a couple of civilians because I feel like I owe you some some some help what do you mean well I I was in big fight back there I I could have hurt you or I there were the civilians but I died too sir I decided to hurt the civilians because I I've got to protect you because you've protected me well there's no right or wrong but next time I'll be alright you help you help people more in need to meet and I'll be alright alright next time I don't know any of your fancy you know further well I know Ranger like you there is no Ranger like me you know we're all gathered here together so I'd like to take this opportunity with will hands blessing to propose marriage to you Oh Pike trick foot will you make me the happiest gnome that just was so sudden I know I'm sorry I've been thinking about it all night tonight I went looking for for Kaylee she wasn't there and I'm so I'm sorry I just blurted it out it's just we're all together and we're never all together like this you know what don't answer now don't don't answer now I know that you won't say yes but please don't answer yet just think about it and we'll talk about it somehow I I will think on it and I will give you an answer after some dragons are killed and yes let me think on it Scanlon I think that went well do you mean look it was just really start yeah no no I'm sorry that didn't ya I didn't do that the way I had planned it in my head I'm sorry it's just I was overcome with just a lot of stress you know we're fighting dragons and bonding with Goliath's here and you're you're in my house and it's very very stressful night for me I'm the weirdest coping mechanism I've ever heard of yeah yeah I'm sorry maybe you just feel that way cuz we could all die so for sure you just feel like you maybe just you know what no table it will table will table it well table it okay so I have to tell you something you don't have to answer it I was a mousse I know it was something silly and I I don't know sometimes I get ham-handed around you I'm I mean very smooth everybody else I don't know what it is it's okay I just I have to confess something to you when you gave me that letter yes and you told me not to read it until you die yes I read it immediately after because I just curiosity gets the best of me sometimes drank can't master something you know I go back to his personal stuff in there I know but what I know it was very personal and I just wanted to tell you that everything that you've said in that letter I promise to you you do I give you my word but everything that you said in that letter I promise to you I will do really if you die which I am hoping that you never do well we've almost died a few times I know and I just I we've had so many close calls and I just feel like I I just needed to tell you so you've had some comfort in your person and your body that you knew that you're stammering and family our walls do make me a little nervous and I'm not really sure why she should marry them I don't I don't know either it's a very strange relationship maybe we should just sleep together and I know everything I said in that letter I met and and regardless of whether or not you totally betrayed me by reading it I'm so sorry I'm glad that you at least understood the sentiment I hope and did and appreciated that my honesty and the fact that you are taking that vow if I die yes I am taking that vow yes I understand well then that's fine okay that's all I mean I just I was trying to be funny and no I know I don't know why I proposed that's stupid I'm I do love you so much I love you my feelings are growing for you a little bit in a weird way and I'm not sure what it is but we'll figure it out I'm confused I think we both guess I have to go to my room and think about this well I stare at my picture in the mirror above my bed what's your picture it's just a mirror I do love you I will always love you even in death and thank you for for telling me that and I hope it doesn't come to that but if it does that makes me feel a little bit better about things okay well I love you sleep tight I give him a hug and a kiss on this Jackson okay I just sort of get the dirt a little bit click my heels is this about Kayleigh yes I'm still worried about her but I don't think that we should discuss her right now we have other things why are you harping on we want to make sure that you're my daughter how would you feel about teleporting inside of um brazil's stomach well what is he eaten because it could be nasty in there listen if there's a man invented who can go to where [ __ ] is made and make some really good [ __ ] that's me you told me how things were better now oh yes yeah you remember that yes that was [ __ ] insane they are not better everything is terrible our lives are terrible they are way worse than they were six months ago they're way worse but they're saying that you're saying that a sullen loner who is confiding in one of his closest friends while holding him in on the shoulders they see this you never had before I slap him on the cheek a little bit and say you were a [ __ ] madman but I am glad you're here I'm glad to be with you and I love you and I give my playful slap across the face six points of damage is that your primary armor it is how would you feel about me asking you to take it off and you're doing little unbuckling and giving it to me instead you think your little armor will fit me I have a pretty broad chest PEX what kind of art you have I have cold snap leather armor which is cold resistant cold resist maybe the dragon will throw snowballs at I doubt that I very slowly and sultrily unbuckle my armor let one strap fall let the other strap fall still a little shimmy emphasis and it falls to the ground sort of like The Crying Game [Laughter] [Music] [Laughter] oh well what is my look for a moment it looks pretty haphazard why did you need to change are you gonna be up close and personal with him well I think we all are I know he presented well yes but yeah so we could get hit now I'm more protected than you are are you planning on doing something we're all planning on doing something and I don't think that my part of the plan is any stupider than yours will be so good luck to you I'll keep your armor safe all right hopefully we can trade back this is a potion of a diminution it shrinks you to a smaller size it could be small do you need anything else oh boy I was just seeing I'm enthralled by these these potions they're fantastic and I'm enthralled and so happy that we met you again all that I totally remembered who you are [Music] [Laughter] you guys taking my when you start deciding what to do when you look around and he's just gone I thought you had him although you hadn't I clearly said when you came up walks the guy with the black feet would you do I was watching you you have disgusting looks like you're gonna have to hide this [ __ ] time me see me this is a tough one but you know it's not a see it's 20 you managed to push out of the way just in time as scale and shouts up to the end to the dragon you're so ugly you an ugly contest and they said no professionals westerns he'll a dead-end world boys and western girls and I hold up my hand tone and I cast dimension door and I'm gonna aim right for the belly of the beast I say this is so far you are in darkness you are being kind of crushed between what feels like two layers of musculature both of you trajectory in this is Bell and the unfortunate circumstance and your inability to really put put you guys between two different sides of a membrane you don't know where you are from Brazil the hope devourers turn I'm gonna use the earring I'm gonna use the earring to say [ __ ] I'm gonna just start screaming and and say can you hear me VAX you guys here for the ring there is no escape your lungs one more round okay what are you doing I know from my time drinking with grog that any sort of blow to the stomach will really make you barf pretty easily so I'm gonna I'm gonna set off a thunder wave at level six vomiting I'm still there it's not from the inside of the Dragon could be a little we're safe from all this [ __ ] [Laughter] survived two weeks thinking about this I know what we'll do we'll subscribe to loot crate Scantlin what you got boy so I mean a beast as we all know intestines are my favorite terrain got nothing all right I'll just try something and we'll see if it works and then I'll try something else next time right I will die in one round I'm gonna polymorph into a tried and hatta sarah tops haha into a small poisonous snake I'm going into the wound okay alright man your swim speed of 30 right you do go ahead and roll a strength check sure man she's a strong snake one you dive in headfirst with all your sneaky my useful there in slithers he's getting nowhere no headway this is bad oh no you don't roll it takes one piercing damage three points of poison damage and it is considered rapid all right plan a hey I'm still a snake I'll [ __ ] cast baby's hand okay I would like to fist the wound just jam it just like fold a finger and just kind of like Oh dragons are hard to kill I'm gonna jump in that thing I'm jumping in the hole all right so you leap in after Big B's hand just in the wake of its slamming into the side of the muscle of the the stomach walls you managed to leave behind Big B's hand and grab onto the side of it as the hand punches entirely out of the Dragons body oh the wound slamming shut Mahalo God I'm outside the dragon we're not outside I mean I can make grog deaf so he won't hear us die I'm gonna drop bigs be Big B's hand and polymorph grog into an eagle dive [ __ ] die as you just slowly reach over and grab the back of the Eagle is this killeth you don't know all you know as Scanlon swooped in and in this moment of need seemingly a prayer was answered a plummeting healeth meteor goes slamming into the base of the mountain you suffer 76 points of bludgeoning damage upon your L damage my cutting words are your lower intestine smells like [ __ ] when I die I'm coming back as a character named vixx [Laughter] I'll start by inspiring shale and I'll just step out and sing [Applause] and then I will pick a place and cast stinking cloud bristles gonna go ahead and attempt a Constitution saving Pro it's a 17 what's the DC Oh 20 ah actually huh up Scotch up leap over Percy and get up on top next door over there Oh Percy didn't know didn't notice your bald spot there just grows in like that just drives in life all right now I'm Brazil who failed the saving throw let's spend his entire turn coughing it relieves the king cloud worked you don't need inspiration you're fine [Laughter] I turn to shale and say I don't do normally do this but I find you so attractive I just wanna I want you to hold me in your arms tonight I'm conflicted in giving that inspiration a little sad that this was not the time for you to lose your life in battle against a mighty dragon sheíll jumps into ass wedding rings I mean there are there are a number of gems like they're part of necklaces or rings yes as the unofficial leader of the group I don't really need the book cool if you wanna trade the book for this stupid Jade vase it's not Secret Santa will not keep you boots in there in the morning I've commanded ten of my invisible guards to protect oh so vulgar [Laughter] [Laughter] [Laughter] yes it's downstairs in the third basement there's a fountain in the corner with some rocks and some some nice plants around the area there's a beautiful giant portrait of Scanlon news the towels gently place it's decorative fine how much money should we put on it fifteen thousand goals I haven't been here but I wander in eating some chicken with no pants [Laughter] painting is no like here in Scotland Oh [Laughter] license I'm gonna take a flying leap and jump in cannonball all right doesn't sprint but gingerly jogs up to the side of the pool leaps in the air sends waves out from each size and drenches all of you waiting on the side again as the water comes rushing back in slapping into you Scanlon after the fact but nevertheless a very impressive display leadership and influence I'm torn keel if you have some charisma issues shall we say uh-huh no keep telling me about myself Scanlon today well I'm just saying that I am quite self confident sure of myself charming not most and this book would make me unstoppably so it's once a century it works for many centuries killeth you can have it next 'yes I [Laughter] don't know I don't know I do how many people are left in town and how many have come with it what's with all the questions narc it's right from your perspective just roughly past your knee I've been called an honest man he's a good guy he's got a nice twinkle in his eye and I recognize that as a sign of honesty because I have a similar feature you do know it's a crusty from the morning you might deliver thank you for being a friend even though we just met I get that I mean while I'm telling my table a story about how I want a cannonball contest last night they are in rapture sometime in our reverie last night I asked care if he could I gave him a sheath just a sheath of a soars asking if he could just make like a little secret compartment on it like a little place that you could hide like a like a little vial or a little thing of powder or a little note or something just in the side of the she could I have inspired him you could yes again you can very much did I will I will give him a limerick to inspire him with drunkenness Scanlon Limerick here we go have you heard the legend of shale one I elderly frail to a black dragon she told you may be ancient but I'm old and somehow lived to tell the tale it's functional this is not pretty but it is we should we focus on function here I understand thank you for your your nimble fingers two days travel my girl is there your daughters in kind yes I'll be going there anyway hello everybody from from the town I'm doing sign language interpretation I would like on one wall to carve the names of every survivor who stayed in the city and on the other wall in draconian inter comeon if no this is great it's great to have an old dude with us also at some point in our journey I excuse myself for 10 minutes drink my last shits crying potion a tiny bit of it I take a tiny bit of it and wrap it in a little bit of parchment stick it in the secret compartment of the sword of the hilt of the sword okay short halt this is a stop and Kelly turns her head hi she head drops transyl's arm and rushes forward and just gives you a hug and then kind of lets go for seconds pushes away and how do you see your survived that's good I'm so happy that you're alive and safe and I just I came a great distance to do other things but mainly to see you when I just wanted to say a few things before I go off to complete my mission well you know I know I'm not the father that you wanted but I'm the father that you have and I'm sorry and I just wanted to tell you that you know I've been doing a lot of thinking about you and me and where I fit into the life of a family man and well most of my adult life I've been longing for a gnome to care for and I I met a really good one and she's here and her name's pike and she's beautiful and wonderful and possibly my soulmate but I've learned that she's not my family and never will be and you're the gnome that I'm to care for forever and I'm doing something very stupid now with my friends we're gonna try to save the world and I didn't know why but now I know and if we die doing it it will be for a good thing and if we don't then well I'll find you and I'll be whatever kind of father you need me to be one who's close and helpful she shushes you puts her finger up in Trish's she steps up and looks you the hardness in her face softens and there is a little bit of tears gathering at the edge of our eyes she says don't she die you stay alive I don't intend to but you know I was just inside her and not going to die all right all right can you do that for me I promise you I promise you how'd you do that I got you a present it's a ring it's a beautiful ring because you're a beautiful girl and I'd like you to keep it just takes it and looks at it are you sure this wasn't for someone else no never she puts it on and you're all so strong and you'll need this sword and I'd give her my singing dawn blade which has an unique little imperfection at the bottom of it and I say this sword has killed a king which is makes it almost worthy enough for you and I hope that it keeps you safe until I can see you again try to make your way to vassal hime there's three more dragons and it'll be a while before I kill them all no you sound quite a bit of work and even just these past few weeks you promised nomes amma then she kind of reaches up and grabs your shirt and gives you a kiss in the forehead and then pushes you away ances out of my [ __ ] face I walk by eating chicken and wearing no pants I give him I give him that was regal don't don't don't read that that's not I don't dink on his picture and I need that man's dick to finish the arm despite the the page I'm going to give us can lend a hundred gold to take with grog to find some chunk items that they can they can put together we also find a hat store braving grounds but you could definitely find one on on your journey in the quad roads darlings what are you looking for what can I get you looking 500 yeah we've come to the right place I just want a very tall hat just very tall black hat with all with a point like a wide black hat just like this our mom only gave us 60 gold to spend could you give us both hats for sixty that something went wrong with him in birth let's make a big interception to check with disadvantage with disadvantage yes well with a 1 I will inspire oh my god please and a lot of gnomes so what I delivered everything I just sang him a little song to inspire her and I sing her she is gone well she come and kill appalled dragons oh my god I take a détente better thank you we should probably not be held in this city at all has to be nameless at this point it's for their own safety for me you must not be named the unmentionable and I will inspire myself on my initiative yes so so I will just say come on Scanlon wake up I'll just say what the [ __ ] going on Gilmore and that's it if the Gilmore looks over the shoulder and kind of sneers at you this was vexes room heal it's pikes okay firstly patchouli asthma that's the end of his turn he has no more attacks so he just watches you go limp my turn I'll be dead all right well scaling you're up first I go to the ledge and look over you look over the ledge down about 70 feet 80 feet on the stonework you see and watch as the raksasa now fairly fully visible get more of a such gone James the blade twice into the the currently laid out back of VAX as the Beck's body goes limp unconscious [ __ ] my stuff doesn't go that far does it any my vocal spells only goes about 60 feet yeah all right well then for my action slash attack I overcome with fury seeing my friend on the ground pull out miss Carver and just [ __ ] jump and plunge okay yes yes yes so you leave have advantage because I've inspired myself the Rochester does not seem to notice you with the orange as you fall off silently blade down when rushing past your face the tunnel vision before you as you can just see this whole scene play out before you the blade comes down slamming go ahead and roll with advantage that your attack against the rock shot three definitely hits okay go ahead and roll Troy to eight plus damage eight plus three so that's 11 plus 1 d6 force damage 29 points of damage you suffer slamming into the ground and falling prone from the attack but he does suffer an additional 14 points of damage as the blade just sinks into through the shoulder and the torso and draws it out with a spurt of blood and throws it to the ground angrily spinning around towards you I still get my bonus action you do too anyway okay so I on the ground just sort of turn over to VAX and I'll bonus healing word him and I will I will sing with whatever wind I have left in my body [Laughter] plus five so you have nine hit points oh by the way the Whitestone guards are [ __ ] it's movie night they're all watching they're on the Lex rushes out and the fingers pass through the rock shop but the hand is still there you know encounter spell it he's just somehow immune to on the fan and based attacks what if it were a foot well then I do the I flip them off with it but the British way hey rakesh ah another back at you as you're singing out loud and can I just chuckles to himself is no effect a very good song before you do what you're going to do and we're going to go off on my way I just wanted to say that I am here to officially absolve you of that proposal and I rescind it I I was foolish to do so and and I don't want there to be any strings sort of attached when we leave and I think really with you on the cusp of parting ways and means seeing my daughter and everything I've everything's sort of come into a bit of a clearer focus and I think I've always been in love with the idea of you you know you're so perfect and beautiful and smart and it was the hairy shoulders but you know I don't want to love an idea I want to love a girl so and I think in all of this time pining after you I forgot to just hang out with you and and know you as a person and I'm sorry for that but but so I'm sorry for objectifying you or things happen and and maybe it wasn't the best time and maybe someday in the future we can just reconnoiter and just see if we want to just make and just talk talk about it again I guess your friends will be friends friends listen I will always love you but but I don't I don't want this to be a barrier and our friendship anymore so I'm taking it off the table and besides all I really want is to matter to someone and I do now and that's very new for me and confusing and exhilarating and I've got to figure out how to do it and I will say this before we leave I'm a little older than you so I can give you some advice okay I will say speaking as someone who has lost out on years of a relationship with someone I cared deeply about if you have someone out there that you love you should tell that person or at least tell someone about it it's it's a weight that you're going to continue to bear and you're gonna miss out on months and years of either knowing or not knowing so you don't have to tell me but you're the bravest woman I know you should be brave enough to adjust admit your feelings I'll do I'll just I'll think on it yeah thank you for the advice wise old man bulletproof - peer pressure anyway you are very charming I just wanted to tell you that it's not happening sorry I'm sorry it's really ok all right all right well Oh hugs just just like a friend hug no I go to see max real quick yeah are you oh hey what's going on when I I did you a favor and you I you came to my room and I taught you how to apply the broom I very much remember that said you owed me one I owe you so much here's here's the payback oh no you have to wear this [ __ ] hat every time you fly this this pointy really cool well there you go I will gladly do this for you Kevin thank you this has been even this hat makes us even that wouldn't make me so happy wow the debt is paid actually cackles loudly there how to top her head [Laughter] no no she blinded me I'm just reminding with you wait Santa bread is better than let Pike get rid of this in spots the mansion in spire by singing I knew it I suspected that's why I tried to use counter charm but I don't know how to use in any book you read about say why do you make a deal and it's a deal and you have to deal with it would we be cursed maybe haunted forever probably you get a car you get a car the dusk Sun leaves you at a pause as you look upon the outside of his abode you have not seen in many many years do you want me to burn it down yeah would even like tea perhaps or a sure yes do you have like a long I'm cold the Kingslayer Chuck Norris Burt Reynolds I have many names you see when you travel the road as long as I have blacks he got it all so it would be nice to find shelter for those of us who are not titled and I had asked for an oolong tea [Music] but his way out do you want me to take a job somewhere I like him that's gnomish I like it doesn't mean the same thing did you she's now transfixed on scale can you teach me I'm a small if you've got blueberries chicken soda kitchen a few minutes pass and davana comes back out holding the tea on the Cardinals who taught my daughter to say blue sparkly poo despite your relationship with her do watch your manners do you have other business I have a little bit of business yes I am good carry on carry on sorry everyone who meets me knows I am a collector of hats I take out my beret I say why why this one I was a very special beret I got by defending white stone against an invasion of vampires single-handedly freeing the city from the scourge that sounds entirely believable yes it's a fine garment woven by a master craftsmen I hear you have a fine hat as well that you've been seen wearing about town is that true you know I didn't even have been known to have a few garments based on where I'm going is as a fine appreciator of the haberdasher arts I gotta so really could you humor and Oh show me tail of a green hat he's also colorblind I should really try try to triangular I just hear it's fantastic I've never seen one quite like it up close and I was wondering if I could take a look see he's heard it's happened now make a deception check yeah cuz you didn't sleep well that was a natural 20 but but the first one was a six luckily it's plus 14 from 20 yes I can have one of my servants show you thank you so much it would mean so much to me I I've never met a hat I didn't like but then I'm certain you will be fulfilled do you have like four rooms of your disposal and you all say we're gonna go sleep and all go into one room with a broken back we're a true family we all sleep together it's a polyamorous big deception checks please 21 when you you say your when you say you're tired and ready to rest the guard goes mm-hmm and then when you say polyamorous the guard goes we are we are bread goes to a deep deep [Music] [Applause] [Music] good job you six you successfully parlayed with the field first doors then dressed don't talk [ __ ] to grasp how do you want to move I turn into my stereotypes how you probably but come on I'm a triceratops I gotta have some right you can take a couple hit points right

Channel: JayHayz

Views: 946,088

Keywords: critical role, best of critical role, critical role sam, critical role best of sam, sam riegel, sam riegel funny, best of sam riegel, critical role sam moments, critical role campaign one

Id: 1z8H-3iEJj0

Length: 203min 5sec (12185 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 05 2020