CRAPPY LIFE HACKS V1

hope your finger in someone's mouth while they are yearning to establish dominance when reheating pizzaboy lured to get that crispy crust I flex sealed my pee-hole never again will I be cursed to wake up 3:00 in the morning to take a leak in them go back to sleep like you foolish mortals lifehack make big snow lumps insert glow stick for eyes freak the neighbors out I always have a note in my pocket that says John did it just in case I murdered because I don't want him to remarry hashtag true love hashtag tips don't worry it's only flat at the bottom just turn it around hey if a public bathroom door is locked don't forget to try to repeatedly open it and give the person using it paralyzing anxiety if you have a friend family member or colleague who has also experienced pregnancy loss this year give them a call on Christmas Day and tell them how sorry you are their baby couldn't be with them cashier urate sent short me it's only 8 cents can you just let it slide cashier no these lives to share twenty dollars what about now want to get back on your feet miss two car payments did someone say something and comfortably heavy not sure how to respond looking for a simple combination of letters to express your concern while not having to put the effort into an actual response try sangil's defend your answer answer Sarge I don't know how much longer we can hold them did you know a propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane to keep the pilot cool when it stops you can actually see the pilot start sweating shout out to the person who used a copy of my debit card at a Target somewhere in Texas your $250 Target charge didn't go through because I only have $30 in that account lmao I'm broke too idiot hello my government isn't doing what I told it to do have you tried turning it off and on again if you uncircumcised you don't need to use a condom just tie a knot at the end of your foreskin my annoying landlord I pay this [ __ ] 1,800 dollars every [ __ ] month phenyl she do is complain about his making too much noise working around so I brought a dog whistle in blow at all hours of the day and night now I complain how much her dog barks and keep meat up that is the ultimate petit move and I applaud you PETA words matter and desire understanding of social justice evolves a language evolves along with it here's how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations stop using anti animal language instead of kill two birds with one stone say feed two birds with one stone be the guinea pig be the test-tube beat a dead horse feeder fed horse bring home the bacon bring home the baggles breaking your writing hand will get you extra time on your finals my FAQ break your [ __ ] arm fun fact the hole in the middle of a badger is meant to help you cut the Badger properly apply garlic to a freshly open cut all burn to immediately intensify the pain go up to someone in a restaurant and tell them to close their eyes and picture a playing card while they are doing this eat as much of their food as you can and run away just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time not eating all day so that you can get drunk off two beers it's called financial health look it up idiot skinny people are easier to kidnap stay safe eat cake Cakes available inside attention drug dealers report your competition nunchucks are illegal in some states but guns are not so if you tie two guns together and create gun chucks it's neither legal or illegal I got a job at Comcast and completed training so I could fix my own cable because it was faster than being on hold with customer service young man fakes his own kidnapping to get naked photos from his crush here's a little lesson in trickery the Apple store is giving out free air pods Fu go in with a gun and a mask got your wife pregnant and you're not ready for it tell how you wish the baby will be born the wish won't come true since you said it out loud me any advice that it's okay to embellish a little later a job interview interviewer tell me about yourself me I wrote Harry Potter did you know if you email your boss suck my ass you don't have to go to work anymore how to start an essay in this essay I will discuss so I'm sitting there barbecue sauce on my titties right Phillip Anita with goat intestines to teach kids about the brutal consequences of violence what more can you do with 21 cheetah snacks break them each in half and you have 42 if you eat half of the hearts you are back to 21 judge state your name me not guilty what I had it legally changed judge you're not guilty Lee moon walks out of there go I'm pregnant then I'm a registered sex offender so I can't be around kids couple unexpectedly delivers baby at chick-fil-a baby will get free chick-fil-a food for life and guaranteed job at 14 going to make sure my baby gets deliver to the bank want your food to be done faster turn down the cooking timer and your food will be done in no time who needs pocket when you got sunburned I have genuinely never been so disgusted at something in my entire life life pro tip dip your dick in the water and endless perfectly silent and no splash bag found a way to sneak cigarettes into school long sneak 100 having to worry about paying their kids university aunt I've experienced ur-text your friends good night I love you then follow up with hoops wrong person to make yourself look less alone just beat up a homeless woman so she can go to hospital and have a bed to sleep on hashtag God's plan school speed limit 20 head of files love this sign slower speeds just give perverts more time to stare at kids share if you support raising the school's own speed limit to 80 miles per hour to keep our children safe what is the best way to overcome depression love it so it leaves you as well don't forget to put screws in your tires for extra traction this winter deer population is controlled by releasing wolves into an area all problems should be solved that way too much pollution release wolves in factories dislike Congress wolves wanna lose weight that's right wolves what if the problem is too many wolves is a question I have received a lot and my arms are shut up and get more wolves ice cream won't scoop try this if I have a medical emergency don't you dare call an ambulance y'all better Yuva my ass to the hospital because we not about to pay 5,000 for a ride in the WiiU wagon you're allowed to steal [ __ ] from them all the security guards don't care they are there to shoot the mannequins if they come to life when my girlfriend makes me angry I look at her through the fork and pretend she's in jail it heals me spiritually are we there yet if you don't quiet down I will turn this car around but I'm hungry guess who's back stop asking girls if they have boyfriends take her out by her food make her laugh and let her decide if she's single or not shoot yourself with smaller caliber bullets to build up an immunity to larger bullets Nutrition fact if you drink a gallon of water per day you won't have time for other people's drama because you'll be too busy peeing stay hydrated my friends first name please Frieda last name go ma'am you're Frieda gonna nice nice I date white girls and break their hearts as revenge for slavery a man received a $75 check to restart his life after being wrongly imprisoned for 31 years where was he knocked up at games talk I only knock up an advanced us cuz eight years of child support is better than 80 how to get free computer security when the free trial runs out buy a new computer and the software won't recognize your new device and will give you another free trial feeling guilty about your kids watching too much TV just mute it and put the captions on boom now they're reading instead of expecting your wife to make you dinner every night like it's 1950 man up and develop a cocaine habit so you don't need to eat in case of fire break glass if on fire stop drop and roll if a woman asks if you notice anything new tell her I do your beauty surprises me every day then continue thinking about velociraptors buying toys for your kids making toys for your kids stealing toys for your kids moving next to an anti vaccine or men waiting for the garage sale Kevin's College tips tip number seven full map [ __ ] in college in road in history of women first day raise your hand say I just want to say that I think history is too much of his story I'm here for her story I look forward to a great class sit down collect panties if you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title stick a turkey leg and a sneaker and let your dog patrol your yard avoid overdue fines by giving the books you borrowed from library to your friends as their presents to everyone that received a book from me for Christmas they argue back at the library next Friday thank you forgot your safety goggles just close your eyes the average person spends 11 hours per year brushing their teeth get it all out of the way on January 1st have a thousand-word book report to do hand in a photo as they say a picture's worth a thousand words the cap of your pill bottle can be used to measure the amount of bills you need if you ever robbed a bank make sure to hold your middle finger in front of you the whole time so the news has to blow your face in the security footage to poop in a toilet without splash noises just poop into your hand and slowly dunk it into the water mutant door idea upload all my photos upside down so girls turn their phone to look at them obviously realize I'm ugly em swipe left but of course that's now actually right bing-bang-boom match life protip use a burrito to hold your book open afraid to die always stay in the living room the Grim Reaper is legally not allowed to touch you if you want a giant cookie just cook your pizza for three hours sneak those snacks into the movie theater she can't reject you if you never ask her out you have been visited by doctor dogger like this video and subscribe to stay healthy [Music] [Music]

Channel: Clumsy

Views: 4,323,729

Rating: 4.9268484 out of 5

Keywords: Worst life pro tips ever, worst hacks, worst life hacks, funny, reddit, memes, instagram, funny hacks, top posts, r/, top posts reddit, best memes, funny memes

Id: Gv1ywh0Q6HU

Length: 12min 5sec (725 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 08 2019