Crack Addiction Pushed Me Into Sex Work - Now I'm 13 Years Drug Free! School of Rock Bottom 20

welcome to school of rockbottom with Oliver Mason I'm an actor a voiceover artist and a mental health coach and I know firsthand That Rock Bottom can be the greatest teacher and the springboard for a beautiful life and it's this these passions and careers and life experiences all combined that have given birth to this podcast those working in the creative Industries are three times more likely to have a mental health problem and those working in performing arts and entertainment are twice as likely to suffer with depression and up to 15 times more likely to suffer with anxiety as you know I invite incredible creatives and inspiring people who have lived through a rock bottom survived and thrived this is a podcast of Hope and how to get out of the darkness into the light and stay there and I'm really excited today because I've got the enigmatic Eddie Queens in the house how are you Eddie oh you know what I'm going to be honest with you okay um as you can see I'm suffering with um Belle's posy okay um I've had it now for a month and I know it's temporary but it did I tell you I spiraled into a depression but what I did I talked about it and um uh my son said listen mom you just need to keep doing what you're doing do you know what I mean so in in the beginning I would um wear a mask I don't wear a mask anymore you know people do stare but I've try to embrace it you know so I really like how you open that you know about I mean people having depression or whatever so it's just that I just I'm here because I just want to spread the word that if you're depressed talk about it and if you look like this you know just uh just do your thing Absol you know live your life huge huge thanks Eddie I really appreciate you showing up today thank um and I hope it's you know it passes quickly I think it's a temporary thing so you know uh could even pass during this podcast there you go you never you never know the power of School of Rock botom um just a little bit of a trigger warning we are going to be talking about drug use uh and there might be references to prostitution as well and in particular crack cocaine um but before we kind of dive into your Rock Bottom I'm just going to give uh the listening viewers a quick bio just so they know exactly who who Eddie Queens is I'm sure everyone knows already but just in case you don't know so um singer and actress Eddie Queens was in the original cast of Black heroes in the Hall of Fame and provided backing vocals for many stars including Omar and Misha Paris Eddie then signed to Emi and had two dance track hits and also made an album with Leon from the cult band imagination wow Eddie is now an actress musician with many many credits most recently being seen as precious in Morgan Lloyd's Malcolm's Typical Girls at Sheffield's Crucible theater oh yeah yes ah like I just said Eddie thanks so much for coming on today um we're going to start with maybe the hardest question and then we're just going to kind of go from there okay um I know you've had a rock bottom or two I know we've spoken about a couple off air I wondered if we could start there try and take the listening listeners and viewers to that Rock Bottom moment try and describe it as best you can and then and then we'll just take the conversation on from there thank okay um in your the bio that you just said was that um I was signed to um Emi it was um positiva dance label you know and I had um I had a well a couple of hit singles and then I did the album and then I think um a year and a half in I was dropped you know and um my world came crashing down you know um so when you're used to kind of like you know singing to thousands of people jumping on a plane and you know just uh just being a star and I'm I'm I'm not going to sugar coat being a star and I thought I was the you know ult star to have been in your living room and nothing you know I kind of like I smiled I thought oh my God what am I going to do anyway so I had um two friends um that bought this little bottle over and this little bottle contained um crack cocaine I took a hit of that and I forgot I was a singer I forgot I was a mother I forgot everything all I saw was just flowers and just I was like in a field you know a poppy field and it was just absolutely lovely and I just wanted more of that feeling you know and uh and I got more of that feeling but the the thing about it was was that that's all I focused on you know I had a son and I had a family but they weren't really important to me it was just this this feeling this it was so overpowering this feeling I just I had to had to chase it had to chase it had to chase it had to chase it and then when when I couldn't get anym I was in a depression so then I would drink you know I was in it was just it was it was terrible it really was you know what I mean and my my brain was frazzled but it was a terrible time yeah you know but something happened that I'm sitting here today you know what I mean I did get through it yeah and I think it is a miracle you're sat here today isn't it I know sharing some stuff with you off air you know um I know um from you know doing a bit of professional stalking and and research researching your story that things descended um pretty quickly um am I right in thinking that the time period I think might have been around two years but within sort of two years of of try and crack for the first time that within two years your house had almost turned into sort of like a crack Den that right absolutely yes yeah it was actually it was about two and a half years yeah you know and um it was weird because I remember I used to go meet the dealer they always think I was a police woman you know for some reason but then when I was uh when I would go and get my um doll check there would there would I don't know there addicts are some addicts are so clever do you know what I mean I don't know if they were sing with but they knew I was going to the post office so when I came back they would uh stck up a conversation you know what I mean and um they end up coming to my house and smoke you know smoke smoke smoke and then they'd leave and then two weeks later there'd be more people there be more people and then it got to a time where my house was so crowded and then I hold on you know people are take so I would say listen you're not coming in you don't give me any crap you ain't coming in and that was you know that's how it was and it was like that for many many many years you know oh gosh I tell some of the things that went on there but you know I don't think I can say it on air well I mean it's a it's a completely free space but obviously up to you what how much you want to share about it yeah you know a lot of deor was I mean I had prostitutes downstairs and um you know it's really weird I had gunmen upstairs as well you know it was it was I am I thank the Lord that I'm here to tell the TR because you know anything that would go on I had a big mouth you know yeah and anyone I mean any one of the guys could have just and just shot me down you know so I always think that I'm here for a reason you know and um it shows you just how powerful addiction is and CRA cocaine addiction is because like you just described you know one one moment you're this Superstar you're in and out of plans and you're doing all this amazing stuff and the next minute I think you're wor or you forgot that you were a singer absolutely and it sounds like your life sort of changed in a in an instant into something completely different certainly did am I right in thinking as well that you were you you were homeless for a while and and I think it led to some other things as well during that period Well that said crack house it was raided um five times so in the fifth time they I was kicked out you know so I was on the streets you know so I was sofa surfing for a long time and then I outstayed my welcome so many times you know I was just on the streets you know and um I just had to fight for my life you know I was beaten up many times um I got people beaten up as well you know it was just a a life of debauchery you know but then I I became an alley cat you know it was like I I didn't care I didn't care about myself I didn't care about anyone all I all I cared about was getting drugs getting drink and just getting a bit of food getting drugs getting drink and that was it yeah surviving you know and I would you know they they say you sell your own grandmother you know I mean my i' would go to my mom's and I would steal her jewelry I I even stole a car I stole a piece of mind you know what I mean and I didn't care at the time I didn't really care you know I just wanted to get that next hit and I just wanted to survive yeah so yeah my my life then was absolutely terrible yeah yeah I'm a huge thanks for being so generous with your share there um I appreciate this is quite a difficult question but I want to I want to be really sort of like clear about why I'm bringing it up I think with say certain professions like um you know prostitution or and drug addiction there can be a kind of stereotype or a certain view of that lifestyle but I know this is a Liv experience you've had and I just wondered if I could ask you why that was happening because it was coming from a place of absolute pain and addiction I just wondered if you could shed a bit of light onto that because you know for me I look at that story and I have just immense compassion and empathy for that situation yeah for somebody who doesn't understand uh crack cocaine or addiction or anything else that you've just described I just wondered if you could shine a light a little bit more on why why that was happening and why you felt you had to make those choices desperation you know as I said when I had my house um there are prostit shoots that were downstairs do you know what I mean and I sometimes I sit with them and I'd say you know how did you feel you know and and I think it was um their the conversations I had with them they kind of like you know I thought okay and I thought in my head I could do that and I didn't realize that you know later on I would be doing it you know so it's that desperation when you're I don't didn't really like to beg so there were certain people that I would say oh can and then they would say no and then if I was walking up and down you know what I mean in the car actually first time a car stopped and I just said you know what let's let me do this you know I jumped in the car and I didn't really think all I was thinking when I was doing the the deed was oh this is going to be money for a hit that was all I was thinking you know and that's all I ever felt as well and there were times when I ripped off the Planters you know when I um there were certain ways that you did things do you know what I mean certain you know the prostitutes were telling me I was a prostitute now but they would telling me there's certain things that you could clip you could do this you could do you know and and I did mm you know and and as I said that I I just was a horrible horrible person you know but I was had to survive you know so I didn't really at the time I didn't think you know I'm a prostitute all I was thinking was I want to hit and I think that's I think that's for most um I'm talking for most um people that are selling their bodies they don't really think about oh I'm a prostitute I'm this I'm that it's that I just want I just want this I want that and I do anything to get it and we did anything to get the next hit yeah absolutely yeah um for those people that are listening to this that maybe don't know much about drugs um and in particular crack cocaine I've just um I've just got a little bit more information for anyone who's maybe doesn't know much about it so crack is a solid or rock form of cocaine created by mixing water powdered cocaine and either baking soda or ammonia and heating the mixture resulting in a free base form the name crack is derived from the crackling noise the drug makes when it's smoked an addiction can occur after one use absolutely so it's you know it's highly addictive it it releases a lot of dopamine very quickly and then you but you crash very quickly 10 last for 10 minutes right 10 minutes and then you you go again but you never ever get that same that same feeling of eor you know what I mean when that that first hit but you're always chasing it you know you can start maybe I used to start in the morning and I still be trying to get that high you know maybe 24 hours later that's the power of the crack cocaine and the research I was doing as well it was saying that the comedowns very quick is that right did you feel you feel depressed sort of within well then I I see what I used to do I used to get some alcohol you see so my cown wasn't so the alcohol I was coming down the alcohol bring back up again you know what I mean I was very obnoxious I mean I'm loud anyway but I was super loud with the alcohol and that's when I got really you know what I mean it's like when I have the alcohol in me I would do anything right I'm I was like superwoman right I'm going to get myself some now you know yeah so I'm I'm so grateful for you coming on today I think out of all the guests I've had on that kind of trajectory of really being up there and then really being down there and then really up there again you've really gone bang bang full full circle and it's um you know I think as well people need to understand um you know the science around what happens to the brain with a you know with a drug like crack cocaine because in that moment that you described you were you were um you know and not for everybody for a lot of people addiction is about um feeling disconnected but also about um not being in pain anymore and you described that emotional pain um and I can relate to that as well in the industry as well um of having something in my hands you know I was doing a job that lasted quite a while and then suddenly it was over and just feeling absolutely crushed from that um we know that crack cocaine in and of itself is highly addictive if crack cocaine didn't exist do you think you would have found something else you know Oliver that's a good question and I I I feel um in life uh I think our higher power or God who or whatever being it is has our paths maxed out and I truly believe that if hadn't it been crack cocaine it would have been something else yeah I truly believe that yeah and and I I believe I went down this path because there was a reason that you know and there's a reason why I'm still alive I like to Mentor um upand cominging addicts as it were or people that are struggling you know that's that's what I spend my life doing as well as my acting and my singing I like to Mentor um yeah addicts that are maybe fresh in two days in three days in you know because I know that in the beginning of my recovery it was very hard I couldn't get a five minutes clean you know I would I had to go to I had to go to meetings I had to sort of like talk to people and you know um it was hard it was tough it was really tough but that I had to tell myself what do you really want in life I have a son I want my son back in my life yeah I want my family back in my life you know and and I wanted that more than anything and I had to fight to get it yeah and I and I I got it in the end you sure did you sure did yeah just drilling into the detail about that moment that you took crack cocaine for the first time I appreciate this is a you're going to have to use a bit of imagination here but if your career was exactly where you wanted it to be in that moment and you hadn't have been dropped and feeling that pain what do you think your reaction would have been to your friends offering you that crack cocaine would you think you would have refused it had your circumstances absolutely I I would have because um I've got to say that you know when I was um on stage I would have half an e right you know and it was was for me it was like I just have a little bit of this little bit of that do you know what I mean I know that if I was still signning I was so um me I was like you know oh I don't want to do this cuz I might that might happen I don't want to so I know that you know I would never have taken the crack cocaine yeah I know that I would never have taken it and I think that's the thing you know where the education comes in uh around addiction because I think you know it's like say with alcohol if you've got an anxiety disorder and you drink you're not only getting the hit of dopamine from that alcohol you're also getting the removal of anxiety anet you're actually getting a double hit and I think in that moment you know this is obviously me just guessing I don't know exactly what your brain was doing but I I would guess you know not only you getting the high of the crack cocaine but for a split second well 10 minutes maybe you the the pain went it certainly did the pain went away it went away as I said I forgot I was a singer I forgot I was a mother the pain went away the pain was just gone and it was just and then for me it was like when I was uh trying to get more it was like you know the the pain of my family whatever I forgot about yeah because I was so busy trying to get some more crack get some alcohol I wasn't thinking about the important things in my life absolutely and this is where you know what they call a migdala hijack happens cuz that bit of our brain that fight or flight part of our brain the amigdala our survival center what it does this is this is a way I always frame it is it gets a Polaroid camera and it takes a photo and then your brain in that moment it says crack cocaine works takes the pain away and so then after that the amigdala just keeps suggesting it to get and and you know it that's why people become powerless over it because the brain believes it needs it for survival yes and it can go on like that for a few years you know and then uh sort of like the later years I it it just didn't become enjoyable it was like you know means to an end you know it just wasn't enjoyable anymore and I could it was funny I could see the pain in my family's eyes you know but I still couldn't stop but then it was like you know I could see the pain was get coming nearer and nearer and my my mother's please my father's please my son's please and it was like I'd have a hit and I'd still even when I had a hit I could still hear them you know yeah and then that's when I thought you know what sumit's got to change right it didn't happen overnight yeah you know because I'm I was still fully addicted but something something clicked something's got to change and do you think that's where that kind of survival Instinct kicked in it sort of linked linked to to your parents was it yeah right absolutely yeah because I I stole their peace of mind I stole honestly I stole everything from them and they didn't really understand uh the drug culture they more understood you know the drink you know oh he's alcoholic oh he's a drinker but never the drug thing do you know what I mean until I was clean a couple of years and I I sat them down and I explained to them yeah you know one thing that keeps a lot of people in Addiction in in the cycle of it and I you know I've this um sort with the mental health work I do and working in rehabs and stuff is the sort of guilt and shame over Behavior which you know has happened in Act of addiction actually makes people relapse and you know you're you're describing situations that I would imagine were quite difficult to navigate through how did you um go on um path of forgiving yourself for your choices and and things like that how did H you know how does that come about yes uh well in recovery they there's a 12-step program you know and um some of the things I got was that you make amends like you know I was I was going to meetings and I was hearing certain things like you have to forgive yourself in order to you know others to forgive you you have to forgive yourself yeah you know so what I did I sat in meetings and I listened you know and one of the things where you know forgive you I'm forgive myself but then you know doing the step work I thought you know what yeah maybe I might I was a year in and I I forgave myself I was a couple of years in before I forgave myself for um abandoning my son but eventually I did you know and then after forgiving myself and then my family forgiven me then I had to make amends for all the hble things that I did to my family so and then I made amends you know so after making amends and my family accepted my amends that gave me the strength to to move forward wow that's amazing you know that's amazing yeah I know I know a lot of the the sort of stumbling blocks working with people you know is that kind of forgiving yourself thing theil and shame that comes with it but it's interesting I you know one thing that I've noticed is that if you you know you take a word like powerlessness with addiction and you say to someone that's struggling you can say okay can you accept the fact that when you have a drink or a drug you're powerless over how many you have and often people go well yeah obviously but that then triggers powerlessness over behavior and you can't separate the two things can you no you can't you know and so that's why all of those other consequences come and you're just as powerless over over them as you are the consumption absolutely you know absolutely and um yeah just um just looking at sort of um something that you talked about earlier this sort of sense of identity of being a singer and and that went a lot of people I talk to uh in in recovery from addiction talk about you know having reclaiming a sense of identity um when you were sort of out in the madness if you like M how did you identify sort of as yourself that was there any sort of previous notion of of your previous life or or or did it almost merge into something uh it merged into you know what that's a really good question because I think in the couple the first couple of years of my addiction I said I forgot but then if I'm really honest uh as a year years went on I did have moments of you know God I used to be a singer I used to be this I used to be and then I'd have a hit and then i' forget about it you know but as the years went on that yearning do you know what I mean because it was in me the acting bug was always in me the singing bug was always in me but you know the crack cocaine always kept it at Bay yeah you know but you know there were times when I didn't have crack in my system you know not not long periods of time but those periods of time when I didn't have crack in my system I kind like I yearned oh I want to be a sinner again I want to be but how am I going to do it and then oh no I can't deal and then I would I'd get high yeah yeah I think having a passion in anything I think is such a an important thing to have isn't it because it often pulls people like from the abyss you know and I and I feel really sorry maybe for people that don't know what their passion is like you always always new you know yeah yeah but you then you going you get a lot of um actors that um you know this acting like it can be um it's a Cutthroat business you know what I mean like we were talking about self tapes and we were talking about auditions you know yeah and even being in recovery and um not getting parts can be quite depressing you know yeah but then I use my program I I think you know it's not my time and I talk to um other addicts and I talk to addicts who are actors and um singers as well you know yeah and it's like you know it's it's our it will happen in in your time it will happen in God's time you know and that's what keeps me going because I do I sometime I do get down I I do a self tape and I don't get it and I think and I think to myself you know it's not my time that part wasn't meant for me you know but I have to keep going I have to keep going for my son I have to keep going for my grandson now I've got to keep going yeah I have to keep going you know but is that what you would have said to Eddie that night who was absolutely Destro about losing this record contract what what do you think you might have said to Eddie could you go back in time if I gone back in time I always said you know what that they take that pipe from your put it on and you know what go to a meeting or go to therapy go and talk to somebody you know of how you're feeling yeah you know because sometimes we have we call it um it it's a knee- reaction first thought second thought third thought and I always advise not to go in your first thought because your first thought is always crazy and erratic you know but the second thought you thought about it a little bit even third thought you thought about it even more and you've come to a sensible conclusion do you know what I mean absolutely yeah and actually just being able to separate the the first thought is just the thought and that isn't me it's kind of recovery is it oh hang on a minute actually there can be a second and third thought yeah yeah in terms of going back to that speaking to the old Eddie you describe perfectly what we would have done in terms of like you know reaching out for help and and next steps but in terms of like getting over the disappointment of what happened cuz like you say in the creative Industries and and acting and singing yeah it's littered with disappointment right maybe you've not had one as big as that moment but in terms of getting over the disappointment what do you think you might have said um I would have said listen you know you're a good singer and I know at the time it wasn't really my fault why I was dropped you know but for me it was like boohoo boohoo and you know you had to believe in yourself you know and I knew at the time that I was very good and I and I'm still good today do you know what I mean so it's having self-belief and I would have thought to myself you know what you're you're good they'll drop you go elsewhere do you know what I mean don't pick that up go elsewhere go somewhere else cuz somebody else will want to hear that voice of yours yeah and that's what I would have said yeah absolutely yeah I mean Eddie you're just a Powerhouse really CU you know you've you know you've had a very very dark rock bottom and absolutely flipped it around like I highly highly highly commend you like what incredible turnaround and uh the the effort energy and passion that you must have put into it to do that is you know I'm I'm doing a massive um bless you one thing that I don't think is spoken about enough is this thing that anyone who's gone through an addiction yeah has actually got some really amazing transferable skills that they can use for the good rate because often society when they look at someone with a substance misuse problem they just see the negative right yeah but in active addiction you have to be very passionate or okay you're only maybe only passionate about your drugs you've got to be incredibly resourceful you've got you've got to be manipulative you've got to find a way it takes a lot of energy did you find that you were able to sort of transfer some of those negative traits and just flip them into like positive ones absolutely that's why you know I always say addicts um alcoholics we are smart and I right this way but I'm not we are so smart do you know what I mean we know how to manipulate the system we know how to you know we know how to do everything you know so that's why I always say that um addicts or alcoholics make the best um therapists make the best counselors yeah you know because they've actually lived it yeah they've actually had that um lived experience you know but I'll say again we are we are so clever we really are clever and you know it's um sometimes you know you get somebody that hasn't experienced it will try and count and I've heard so many times that somebody that hasn't lived it doesn't understand it but somebody that has lived it will would give such good advice yeah and that's why I always go to addicts if some I was talking to you earlier you know some going on I will call another addicts and I'll always I'll always get you know what I need you know what I mean I'll get a couple of options yeah you know from another addict it's interesting because you keep saying the word we yeah over and over again not I um I know you mentioned the steps earlier and um you know I don't expect us to sort of break break the steps down or anything like that but the first word of Step One is we isn't it yeah um did you did do you believe that without others that you wouldn't have made it for sure right for sure I I was telling you about a certain person uh at my first meeting and I will tell you now this guy his name can I mention him absolutely well his name's yeah Fat Tony he uh was taking a meeting and I can tell you for sure if he had not been taken that meeting how he took the meeting I was just I was bowed over you know he had everyone laughing he made everyone comfortable you know and I in that meeting it just taught me so much it really taught me so much the theraputic value of one adct helping another you know so um what can I say yeah no I think it's brilliant I mean one thing I would say you know with this podcast in particular as I I never sort of set up an episode and go this is the way to recover from everything but what but what I do do is I get guests on to share how they've done it and then hopefully then the podcast becomes almost like a Bible of resources but for you clearly you know 12-step Fellowship connecting with other people has been an absolute absolute Game Changer something you said off air which I found really interesting we were talking about sharing uh I think you said you know you're only as sick as your secrets yes and you kind of likened sharing something that's on your mind to um like throwing up dumping I call it dumping you call it dumping yeah dumping yeah and I think you know I think in step five it talks about casting out yes um what is it about sort of sharing what's going on for you that is so powerful do you think um well I always say that you know sometimes something can happen in our lives okay and then we're thinking about it or we can have a secret we're thinking about it the more it stays in here the more it stays in here it gets toxic it really just get toxic so for me what I found work for me was that if I told someone if it was a secret I told someone I felt a little bit better if I told somebody else oh and I told somebody else oh I felt really good yeah you know and they say secrets you know will keep you sick yeah really do keep you sick you know what I mean and and and it's this thing that you in your head you're thinking oh my God now if you got this thing in your head and you got this thing in your heart and you're thinking what's if you can't tell anyone what would you do you pick up a drink or you'll go back and you'll pick up some drugs yeah you know that's why I just think it's so important yeah even if you you know um somebody that you don't know or even even a stranger you know or even look at the mirror and just you need to say it say out loud yeah I've killed someone we're not you know I've done this I've done that if it comes out then you got a chance of um surv suring you got a chance of not picking up a drink or a drug you know what I mean and you got a chance of kind of like you know this problem that's there just uh just taking a power out of it yeah you know I mean I must say like everyone I know that's had any kind of severe mental health issue addiction or anything else that's come through the other side it's just got this incredible uh it's an over used word at the moment but authenticity about them they're just so just this amazing honesty but so many people find that incredibly and when people are on the other side it's almost like come on just just find a there's a brilliant little quote you gave me off a take it like a woman take it like a man take it to your grave why do you think people do take it to the Grave literally what shame and guilt I think it's shame and guilt and you know that's why you know I always think in life you got have to be ashamed of you really haven't got anything to be ashamed of you know if you do something you have to own it and I know I think it's a real housewives of who says own it somebody Lisa rman that's Rea Lisa Reena is this the original Desperate Housewives or no The Real Housewives of um oh is it Beverly Hills or oh is it I think it's Beverly Hills and she says Own It own it you know I mean and I all agree with that you have to own it everything you do in life you own you be ashamed of nothing do you know what I mean be ashamed of nothing and and I think I always say the truth will always set you free yeah you know what I mean doesn't matter how damine it is it all set you free yeah yeah you know but with that it sounds like you take IM immense responsibility because you know you say you know own it but you know you talked about making amends and and things like that it sounds like yes you own it going forward but at the same time um I would imagine you're very mindful about how you treat other people absolutely you know and um when I say own it it's like you know um I said to you my mom and dad I I I stole a piece of mind I stole so many things from them well for me my mom and and uh dad both died in 2017 sorry and um the thing for me was that I made amend to them both I said sorry to them both I made Financial amends to both of them and you know today I it just for me it just gives me peace of mind you know it really does give me peace of mind as to if I hadn't done that I don't know where I'd be you know so that's why I say and you know if you want to make amends or you want to you know any secet anything that you've done just to say sorry I'm sorry that I did this or you know I stole this here's something you know that just to give back for it might not be you know that the whole amount but there's something peace having peace of mind is the world I'm telling you really is the world and I think it's um kept me clean because as you know last Thursday I celebrated 13 years clean congratulations that is amazing that is amazing and that's partly because I think that I've made my amends to all the people that I've hurt yeah and I I have no more shame yeah I have no more shame you know and I was saying to a friend I could go into Buckingham Palace say yes I used to be a prostitute and I'm a recovering addict I am not ashamed anymore where you know you and I'm not judging there are some people that are in the rooms I you know I'm at work but don't know I'm in the rooms you know and that's their and that's their choice yeah but I'm an open book yeah if you want to ask me about anything I will tell you yes I was a prostitute yes I stole I've done many many things that I am ashamed of but you know what I've made peace with it yeah and so you should have done yeah and and you help a lot of people as well I try to and uh that's one of the the great things about rock bottoms isn't it is that actually not only if it doesn't kill you of course uh is it is it a great teacher but it's it then can become a great teacher for somebody else absolutely because without people like you in the world you know when someone's in a similar situation which happens every day of every second who's going to help pull them up and say actually I've been where you are and this is how you get out I think that's the great thing about empathy isn't it and and uh I know Bren Brown talks about it a lot better than I do but sympathy is you know someone's in a hole and you see them in the hole and you say oh you know must really poor you been in that hole that that must be really horrible whereas empathy is okay you're in a hole you know what I've been in this hole I'm going to get in the hole with you and I'm going to show you how to get out yes and that's what you've got in Spades you know I love that yeah I love that I love that you know what I mean and if there was more people like that this world would be a much better place yeah it really would and I'm talking about people that are not in the rooms as well do you know what I mean they and soften said that people that are not addicts could learn I mean a lot from addicts not that I'm biging up addicts but could learn a lot from addicts and doing the 12 step program you know because there's a lot of people with Secrets there's a lot of people that aren't I mean you show me someone that's really 100% happy no one in life is 100% happy yeah you know I can I can bet you that normal people whoever normal is if they spoke to someone or they died some of their secrets they would be a bit more peaceful at night yeah I can guarantee you that yeah 100% no I think you're absolutely right you know in in whatever recovery Community it is whether it's in a 12 step fellowship or people sort of who come together with other mental health things you know whatever it is whatever recovery means to you and mental health means to you I I was listening to um a podcast with Jay Shetty the other week I don't know if you ever heard stuff it was it was on di of a CEO and he was talking about having people in his life with these four qualities and I found it quite interesting he said make sure you've got people in your life that care about you right that are consistent you know they show up regularly they're competent they can give you good advice yeah and um and of good character wow I love that and then what he said what was really interesting is it I can't I might misquote him here that he only knows a few people that have all four characteristics he said even his mom doesn't have all for but it doesn't matter cuz she cares about so much I think it was comp he said his mom's not that competent she can't give him can't give him good business advice you know what was interesting you know doing the work I do and you know and all of that it's like I know loads of people with all four I thought how is that and they're all people that have gone through some kind of Mental Health crisis and then hit rock bottom and rebuild it it's weird when they care they're competent they good character and they're consistent yeah yeah I do I do too as you were saying them you were saying them I say yeah I know few people that are all four you know but they're all addicts though not that I'm saying that people that are not addicts are but a lot of them have done a lot of work in themselves a lot of them understand themselves a lot of them understand why they did what they did and a lot of them you know are happy or or are content with their their lives right now you know because they've they've actually um studied the wreckage of their past exactly which a lot of people don't do because they're they're not forced to do it maybe in the way you know but um yeah I mean I think that's absolutely brilliant um I'm just aware of time but you know something that I thought was quite an interesting little thread was obviously you know you could look at that moment that you first tried crack and you could blame the industry for that in some way um which you've never done of course but you you might look at it but actually it was the industry that actually pulled you back as well because you talk about your recovery Community I wonder if we could just talk about the role of theater and getting your confidence back and I think clean break in particular clean break yeah we talk about that yes yeah you know um yeah I went to clean break I think I got to clean break at 2008 and yeah they're the reason I got my mojo back you know and as I said before when I was using there was times when I thought I want to be I want to be and it's been a slow process do you know what I mean has been a slow process because um I've studied I've done this I've done but then you know we have to be mindful about you know there's some roles I've got some roles and there's some roles I haven't got you know so all same same so I've had to I've had to deal with uh rejection but with clean break they they kind of like um put um cotton wool around you do you know what I mean which I love I love I love them for you know so it did prepare me for the big bad world you know so anyway so now it's like um I was saying you before I'm at an age I'm um going to be 59 um January come on Edie now you're lying to me but I tell you see I am too young I look too young to play grandma or you know a senior citizen but then I look too old to play you know that youngish do you know what I mean really young right vibrant character so I'm stuck kind of thing you know so um I did actually go through a lot of depression you know but it was a another addict and it was a friend of mine said you know what and my son said you know what well if M the mountain one come to is it Mountain one come to you go to the mountain and you write something you do something yeah you know so and I thought you know okay the same with uh singing as well you know nothing was happening my son was saying listen mom write a song about your addiction and stuff you know which I did you know so for me it's like you know well if if it's not going to happen then let's well let me kind of like do something myself you know and um tell the world about my life tell the world about there's two other actresses with me about their lives as well so we're in the process of doing that yeah tell tell me uh and and the listeners and viewers a little bit more about that it's a theater company it's a theater company we're called Nubian cohorts it's a black Le Theater Company yeah and it's really about um our our experiences of of life um through black eyes you know and how we were perceived in the world you know me being an addict and another character being importer and another character being an alcoholic you know how what was that second one second one being an impor yeah export import you know she was uh yeah you know I hope you'll have her on actually she kind of like import with export then she had people Runners that were selling drugs for her I see what you mean by import export I know I get it she was a Big Kahuna do you know what I mean and I was the you the lousy crack addict and then there was there's another lady who's an alcoholic right okay you know and our experiences and how we experienced it um uh in in being in um London and um the the kind of like judgment we got from maybe from the government from society do you know what I mean being maybe being and it's not a racist thing but being black you know and how we were perceived you know so we just want to uh write this um this show and just to show others that you know from Rock Bottom you can you can you can rise it might not be fast whatever but you can you can get up from the floor you know what I mean and just maybe young maybe because we want to maybe from the age of 10 to whatever you know to come and see this um show and just say you know what you you can't you can be important you can be somebody so if you do fall you can get up again if you fall again you get up and you can do something with your life you know just because nothing's coming to you then do something take the initiative and do something for yourself amen and it took me a long time to because it was I was like me for me they're not auditioning me they're not they're not and it took people to say what you are they're not come to you do it yourself yeah oh I can't oh I can't I can't yes you can you know you to have confidence in yourself that's absolutely brilliant um and so this is new writing obviously that you're that you're and are you of you're all Penning it together or okay yeah we are Penning it together yes so what I'm going to do uh guys is I'm going to put in the show notes lots of links to to to everywhere basically that you can connect with Eddie and and and all these other amazing projects I mean I will be if I can on the front row that first night that sounds absolutely absolutely that sounds absolutely absolutely brilliant um I hope and I know actually from our conversation that that your sense of identity has completely changed now from how you felt you know in your rock bottom um I wondered if we could maybe just finish here um do you sort of see yourself now as as a bit of a hero and a bit of a Survivor because that's that's how I'm I see you in this moment as someone incredibly inspirational and um you know an incredibly strong uh inspiring and courageous character is that is that the sort of story you tell yourself now I do you know um I yeah I am I'm a strong character but um as I said before you see with my my face as it is that kind of like I I kind of like I just share with a little bit do you know what I mean but I'm only strong because other people make me strong like as I said I mentioned my son I always mention my son and um my sisters do you know what I mean they give me the the strength to keep going forward because with with this face it was like I don't want anyone to see me you know but look I'm sitting here doing a podcast you that that's because people behind me have held me and said listen you can do it you can do it so they do it for me I want to do it for others do you know what I mean so what you shown to me I like to give to others yeah but that just shows how strong you are because I think a lot of people feeling the way you do about it me I didn't even notice until you told me but um they would have postponed it they would have said you know I'm feeling anxious or worried about it hey guess what we'll do it in January we'll wait a couple of weeks and I knew nothing about it until I just met you now but I think most people feeling that way would have ducked out yeah so that just proves how strong you are I mean that's I'm here to say that even if you know it doesn't matter you know you have bells py whatever just keep going put one foot in front of the other do you know what I mean because you know tomorrow's never promised it never you know so it's like I'll do it tomorrow I do it I do it we might not wake up tomorrow you know and that's how I see it totally agree yeah the old me back in the day would have said why do today that you can do tomorrow that was always and now it's the opposite and I'm bit like why would I do it tomorrow if I can do it today and I got to be careful that I don't work too hard but yeah it's uh oh Eddie I'm afraid we're out of time unfortunately I could have chat to you for literally hours here enjoyed it thank you all of us so appreciate you coming down particularly with what you've shared about what's going on for you at the moment as well but lots of exciting things as well so as I just said show notes dive down into that so you can connect with Eddie see all the amazing things that she's up to as well um a little bit of a sales pitch here if you're listening to this on Spotify do me a favor it means the world go over to YouTube I've just started a new channel it's very it's very early doors so I'm bu slowly it's building go and subscribe there as well please um give us five stars on Spotify and if you're listening to this on Apple please hit follow and leave a review it really helps the algorithm and share it with someone that you think might benefit from this podcast so Eddie thanks again thank you my pleasure enjoy the rest of your afternoon as well and as I always promise I will be back in two weeks time so I'll see you then in the meantime take care thank you

Channel: Oliver Mason

Views: 3,413

Keywords: recovery, 12 steps, rock bottom, crack, cocaine, drug addiction

Id: LZynzo8jiAI

Length: 46min 50sec (2810 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 21 2023