- [Mark] Ressy, how did
you get the name Ressy? - My grandmother's
sister nicknamed me Ressy to a form of my true name, which is Larissa Marie Finley. - [Mark] And where'd you grow up? - [Ressy] Oakland. - [Mark] Tell me about your family. You grew up with both of your parents? - I grew up with one parent, my mother. She had my little sister. Two girls raised alone. - [Mark] And how was your childhood? - My childhood was in the up and downs. Scurries, scattered and
I've had a share of turmoil. I've watched a lot of turmoil. - [Mark] What kind of
things did you go through? - Well, I was molested as a child, raped as a teenager, partially raped as an adult,
taken advantage of a lot. - [Mark] Who molested you as a child? - My cousin on my aunt's side, my grandmother's sister, one of her sons. A cousin. - [Mark] How old were you? - Two (crying).
- Two? - Yes, I was two. I didn't know. I didn't know what was going on. It was like a tickle game. So when it comes to the average spots of a person being ticklish, their tummy, or under arms, or behind
their calves, or their feet, I'm not ticklish in no
spot but my pelvic area. There's a lot of reasons
why I'm, I guess I'm stiff when it comes to sexuality,
intimacy with a male. Unless I'm provoking myself. Any other advances from men,
they're repulsive to me. I don't like to be touched certain ways. I don't like to be touched
at all, really (sniffing). To me, that's painful
within itself 'cause I can't express emotion if I want to with anyone, whether it's male or female. I don't like embraces,
no hugs, or nothing. I'm kinda stiff. I'm kinda stiff. I'm a little bold and blunt when it comes to something
making me discomforted. I get aggressive really quick. I'm short-tempered. I grew up too quick. I grew up too quick. I had a lot of responsibilities
at a young age. - [Mark] What age were
you when you left home? - I was pretty much rebellious. I think I started in that
limelight of a role at 13. My mom, she had her own style and manner. So I wasn't too much, let's see, governed into where to be, when to be and what to do at certain times. So I ran in and out all the time. I did it how I wanted to. So I guess you could say 13. At least, that was the last
time I got an ass whooping. I did that when I ran away. And all my sisters and
little cousins, play cousins and we all ended up at the mall. And it was because of me,
because I'm the oldest, that they followed suit. Then my mom got a whooping
'cause I went to school the next day with shorts on. And this teacher seen it, called the house and I came home and mom wasn't there. She was gone. And then I found out
later, when she got home, she said you're lucky I can't
put my hands on you anymore. You did that on purpose (chuckling). I didn't. I missed her then. I miss her now. - You left home at 13?
- Yes. - [Mark] What did you do at 13? - 13, I skipped school,
went to house parties. I didn't have the eyes for boys, yet. I didn't have eyes for boys until I got late in my 20s, really. But I did lose my virginity at 15. That wasn't, well, this is kind of like, I was learning, I learned,
they were learning but I really didn't have
any interest in him. But, yeah, at 13, I left home and started seeking other things. I guess, back then, that was when the limelight of dealing drugs was in. So that was like the in-crowd thing. So that's what I did at
my early teenage years. Tried to support myself and mom. We were living in the streets. And I didn't like a lot of
things my mother had to do to support me and my sister. I wanted to take some ease
or pressure off of her. So I started dealing drugs. And from there, my route got a little bit more straying. I did almost everything. Tried jobs. Really never had a job
until I was like 19. My only one job. I haven't had a job since then. And I'm 43 today. Well, not today, but as of right now. I'll be 44 coming up
this year, six months. Yeah. I haven't seen my family
in over 23 years (crying). I have a son, one child. He's my only kid. I haven't seen him since
he was two months old. They took him from my arms
while I was breastfeeding. I was homeless. Me and my husband. Yeah, I'm legally married. I haven't been with my husband since 2006. We got married in 2003
after my son was born. I miss him, too. I don't know where he is either. Mark, I still love you, too. - [Mark] Where do you stay now? - Right now? I'm homeless here in LA. I live on Skid Row, down here on Gladys Street, near the park. - Do you own a tent?
- Yeah, I have my own tent. Just me. A lot of turmoil there with the people I have
to deal with to get by. I'm tired of the struggle. I've been struggling too long. - [Mark] And what are
you doing for money now? - I do a little bit of
everything under the sun. I hustle cans and bottles. And I often, let's see how I can say this. I hate the word prostitute. I hate the word hoeing. So I often--
- Dating? - I hate the word dating, too. So I often present myself. And in a stray way. Not to where it's noticeable. I don't have no front lines. Like, hey, you want a date? None of that. Or, hey, can I earn some money with you? None of that, I don't have no front lines. It's just a casual hello. If I see a certain alluringness or a certain interest
in what you really have in initially meeting me, as in my mind, but you have a meeting of my body, I can always decipher that. Which sometimes, it is very
sickening, very sickening. 'Cause nowadays, nobody
really wants to meet you. They just wanna meet your body. I know I have, well, my mom
was the first one telling me. I know I have an alluring image
that was designed from God in the shape of me aiding to it. Sometimes I wish I didn't have it. A lot of times I just wanna look sloppy. But sloppy isn't in me 'cause
mom didn't raise me that way. Sometimes I give a sloppy outlook, just so people can stay away from me. I don't want to be bothered. I kind of like being by myself. But I don't like being by myself
without my family (crying). There's a lot of things I
long for with my family. A lot of times I missed. My son and my husband. I missed my grandmother's funeral. I missed a lot of things. Sometimes, I think I even miss me. That's the saddest of it
all when you miss yourself. Then you finally realize
that you've be missing you. 'Cause you missed the elements that were supposed to be given to you. You adapt to some shit that shouldn't have been
a part of your character, your personality. The I and whom we can ever
even know of ourselves. I sometimes look at
myself as a entrepreneur. 'Cause I'm a person that
thinks in and out of the box. They say, you're never supposed to have two feet in or two feet out. Always keep one in and out. 'Cause you never know
which way you're gonna go. Can't look at up and down. It's all going around in
all kind of trisectors. Where there's squiggly, wobbly, zigzags. It's all on me back up. I've had my time and I've
done some damage to people. Caught up with me. That's why I'm a little
bit more understanding. I used to judge her when I was growing up as to why they were doing this
or why they were doing that. I understand it now, 'cause I live it. And it's not by force. It's not by choice, either. It's just the way my life was meant to go. Who knows? A terrific question when people say that. 'Cause you don't even know. Unbearable, unbearable. Certain things cause you to pause, stop. I've pretty much been stagnated. 'Cause I go forward but
then I just stop, too. Stuck in a room. - [Mark] What is the drug
you're using down here? - I use crack. I used to use crack to get
over the hurt I suffered. Nowadays, I just use crack to put up with a lot of things I allow
myself to go through. Out of boredom. It's what I do. - [Mark] Do you have hope,
Ressy, of getting off the streets and living a better life? - I surely do. I'm noticing a lot of my patterns, detouring. A lot of the people
that I facilitate with. A lot of people that
have facilitated with. And I don't want to be
bothered with them anymore. 'Cause they mean no good to you. Even though they say they are. I did this for you. I did that for you. And sometimes I feel
I've done more for them than they have for me. And all that's reality. I think maybe both might've. But sometimes it's very variating. Nobody can ever do for you what you're gonna do for yourself. I think that's another reason why I've kinda allowed myself to be stagnated. I don't want no one to ever, there was something
that they've done for me out of the kindness, or
the charity of their heart, or the goodness of their. To turn around and toss
in my face like a pie. Smashed or something. I wonder why they do that to me. It's supposed to be from
the goodness of your heart. It's not ever supposed
to be mentioned again. That's the goodness of your heart. It never needs to be mentioned. My scars are so overwhelming to myself. We all have a leverage that
can send us up or send us down. It's like that poem. Go down the same street. I step in crack. I fall down a hole. I can't get out. I keep going down the same street, keep getting the same
results in different aspects 'til I finally decide, when I wake up the next morning,
to take a different route. I'm trying my best to take that route. I really am trying my
best to take that route. But I feel, for me, I need my family first, before I can make any stepping
stone to my achievements. 'Cause they are my achievement to have. I went away to try to do good. Started off right. But I was a thief
(chuckling) a hardcore thief. Got scared straight, though. I was looking at 11 years. That's over. Gotta let that go. City to city, state to state, 'til I got stuck in this state. With nowhere to go but
to poverty, homelessness. Been like that since then. Yeah. 'Til one day, a church was the only area in the state I happened to be living in. I forget the name of the
church but it's very known. It was off of Vernon
and Broadway somewhere. I only stayed three days
before I came out here. And didn't know my way around (chuckling). Quickly got it up here, though. I wouldn't change that. I wouldn't change my
steps that have made me what I am or made my mind conscious. Made my mind conscious to such poison that lurks in any avenue. Whether it's drugs or people, we're all poisonous in some type of way. All things are poisonous
in some type of way. It's just how you view it. How you analyze it, decipher
it, code it, whatever. You just have to be the one to know how you want to live. All you can do is do right by yourself. Don't worry about other's thoughts. Don't worry about other's
images, they're varying. How they're getting by or
how they get their success. It's up to you to make your own success. Not the success in the stage that I see I've stagnated myself in. Yeah, it's a small success. A lot of people would say,
no, the hell that isn't. But it's a small success
to me because I realize that it took me a lot to
get through to this point. That I know. I know. They can never know. You really wouldn't want to know. I always give the advice, hold your head, smile
through your tears (crying). Through your tears, always smile. I do my best. 'Cause it's what helps
me aid through the day even when I don't want
to go through the day. I don't like drama. So I stay afloat. Life only causes you all
that you can give it.
