- [Mark] All right, Heather. Heather, where are you from originally? Where'd you grow up? - I was born in Mission Hills in 700 Valley, California and I grew up 'til like sixth grade and then I went to the High Desert Valley. and moved back and forth from
there to Huntington Beach. - [Mark] So California, your whole life? - Yep. - [Mark] And tell me about your childhood. Did you have both your parents growing up? - No. So my parents divorced when I was seven and it was like good until then, I guess. You know, I didn't really know any
of the stresses or anything but they ended up divorcing or separating when I was seven and my mom, she, I don't know she had another boyfriend and I don't know how long it was going on, but I knew and I was six, I don't know how to keep that secret. And then so my dad, he just moved to Huntington
Beach and I ended up going with him versus my mother, and was raised more or less by him and my brother was there, so, but at that age, I kinda raised myself cause my father was a drug user. So, but I... I guess some of my... (mumbles) the things that I know how to do now are because I raised myself basically. So I guess it's like a
sink or swim situation. It sounds shady but in your adulthood I guess it paid off, if you will. - [Mark] And, how was your childhood, any crazy views or anything like that? - Yeah, I started using drugs and drinking when I was 12
because I didn't know, I didn't have anybody else to talk to, I didn't have anybody at all. The people that I did
pick to be, you know, I thought were my
friends were always older and obviously handing me, here try this one, try that, Yeah, okay. And, you know, pretty soon, I started using, that's what my go-to was. I don't know, even to this day I don't know any other
way than to just go and, you know, go back to what-- - [Mark] What drugs
were you using at that-- - Yeah, Well, I started with marijuana, obviously and then drinking. And, and then one day the person that I thought was going to sell me marijuana, sold me crystal meth. (chuckles) That was another, That was a whole another, life, different people different, whole different life. - [Mark] Yeah. - I didn't really have a childhood really. I just kind of raised myself. I don't remember even, I remember just keeping getting passed back and forth from my parents, from my mom and my dad, like, if one got tired of me then, okay, you take her now. You know and I was always kind of envious of my brother cause he got both of my parents and, and he was 18 so he's more well-rounded than I am. He's got everything, he's very put together, he's a... You know, he a very successful person and so is my father but I guess, he's a weekend warrior and it just to this day, things resurface and it just kills me. Some of the situations I
had to deal with as a child. So I wasn't like molested, or raped or anything like that. Just emotional stress and, having to worry if, like we'd have food in the house. My dad made plenty of money, but he'd go spend it. So those stresses aren't
meant for children, you know like the bills or getting yourself up for school and like not having anybody, you know, sucks. - [Mark] And what age were
you when you left home? - I was 17. - [Mark] Where'd you go? Where'd you-- - I moved to the Valley
and I became a stripper. - [Mark] Oh, really? - Yeah, (laughing) Back then it wasn't like, they're gonna cart, like of course, they asked for your ID and then you just give them, you go get one on Alvaro, (laughing) I don't know. Or you just, you know you just give that to them. But yeah, I was, I
wanted to grow up so fast because I felt like that was the only way I was gonna have, be able to live the life that
I wanted to live, you know. I mean, I know my dad tried but I guess having those stresses he just, he's a good father but I think he just, he went crazy. just as much as anybody would, I guess after, you know, that, so. - [Mark] And working as a stripper as a young girl, the drugs get more heavier? - Yeah. - [Mark] In your life? - And I just started using cocaine and, I think it was ecstasy was a big thing at the time with Xanax and, you know, that was... and then crystal meth obviously, to keep the weight off and, to be able to just go, go, go, go, go. And then drinking a lot, I drank a lot. I got my first DUI when I was 19. And that's when I got, I had, I've lived on my driver's side window. So... But the life of a, you know when we first moved down here, we just had, we had so much money we didn't know what to do with it. We just go on vacations all the time, just every single day with our like drug dealers (laughs). Vegas one week and then Walt Disneyland cause we feel like it and its was crazy. It was crazy money. And it was, it was a fun time I wouldn't take it back. But I went through, I saw things. I was very shy. I felt like I guess I was, sheltered and I didn't
really know how to do much. And I was just very simplistic. Like, I dunno just different than, a different life, different life. I felt like I led a whole life. And then when I came back to, I ended up moving I stopped stripping one day, I just, some guy did something
really disgusting to me, he just grabbed me, and like sat me on his lap and he just like finished, in his pants and like,
he wouldn't let me up. And I just said, that was the last time because it really wasn't who I was in my, you know, in my heart. But, so I just quit and I moved back to Palmdale to try to regroup and just maybe be, act my age, maybe have my maybe just be able to be who I wanted, who I was meant to be. And I just felt like when I met, other people my age, which was 19, I just, I felt like I had led a whole life, because at 15 and 16 I was in Hollywood on Sunset Boulevard with a fake ID, drinking with you know, a lot of famous people and just like, Oh, I don't ask for too much. I just, I learned that as long as you look cute and smile and maybe nod you know, you're just, you're in, everything will
be handed to you really. So, I mean I, it was crazy. It was insane. - [Mark] Then after stripping where did your life go after that? - I, like I said, I moved to Palmdale, back to Palmdale cause I, after that I just, I had a falling out with my roommate. She was just, she was always intoxicated. I didn't realize how that she even had a drug problem. We had both, you know you're not gonna admit that, hey, I think we're, we got a problem here. No, it was just every day you wake up, you get high and get drunk or whatever the the fuck you wanna do. Get laid, whatever. Anything goes. And there's a lot of backstabbing, a lot of conniving and, just debauchery. And I... She, she and I just couldn't meet eye to eye. At some point, like I was, I really I did have like, otherwise a little bit
morals and values and respect and I just, I just couldn't keep throwing, for lack of a better
word, fucking myself off. I wanted something different. I wanted to be back around my family or whatever. And so I moved back, and within I think it
was like a couple months, I ended up meeting my ex-boyfriend. And at the pizza,
Vince's passed him pizza. That's when I started using meth, like full time, like every day, all day, that was like the thing that they did in Palmdale (laughs). And one night I just got really drunk and I, my daddy used to, the reason why is because my home life wasn't great. Like, everybody looks at you, like, as long as you look put together they don't really ask, how you're doing. Like, they just think, oh, she, you know, she's
always had it like that. She's got it good. And, blah, blah, blah, Really I'm like this broken
little skeleton (laughs). It's like you know, crypt-keeper, inside. And I just wanting to be, to be searching for love and all that, acceptance, whatever. So again, my dad, you know he stops using drugs for the little while. And then again, he picks it back up and there's again these prostitutes in my house all the time and-and you know, he's all, he don't come home and when he does come home, he's got like this gnarly story and he's got like, like blood, I just like one day he got shot in the arm for the love of God. I mean his whole car, it was like blood. And I just, it scared
the daylights out of me, but I just, I didn't wanna be home. And when I'd come home I'd have to kick these prostitutes and people out and clean up, you know, pretend like it just didn't even happen, because that's what we did. We just, we never talked about, we just, (claps hands) sweep it under the rug,
I guess if you will and just pretend like, I didn't see that. I didn't hear that. I mean, I guess my dad
went through a lot but I just, I didn't like being home, you know. But I was there because
he asked me to help him, he needed me because for whatever reason, and I believed him. So, and then when he'd
meet somebody eventually, then I wouldn't be needed anymore. He'd move out and I'd just be left, like, okay, I guess I'll, you know go figure something out
for myself, you know. - [Mark] So, you have
a family of your own? - I do, I do. But I, my daughter's father, he uses when I first moved into Kenyon he, I met him at his house. My friend brought me cause he was having a barbecue. And like, we just instantly connected. And I think we had gotten pregnant like a month after I met him (chuckles). It was the best thing but, I had been to, I've been in and out of jail. I got like 4 DUIs. During that, from 19 to 27 and did a bunch of jail time and everything you shouldn't do, I did. I just, I didn't know a chill button. So when I met him, I was thirty... I was 29. And like I said, just had gotten out of jail maybe a couple of months prior to that. And we just clicked, I guess, and you know unbeknownst to me, got pregnant within a month. And we just decided, you know what, he was already old, he's about, I think about 15 years older than me. And I was just like, well, we're adults why don't we just, do have the baby. So we did. And she's the love of my heart. She's the light of my life but we... I hung in there for six years. You know, we had a
house in Canyon Country, pool, jacuzzi, gardener, everything. My daughter, very, very, very, very lucky. She was able, I mean, I gave her anything she wanted, I was with her every day. There was nowhere I wanted to be. I was domesticated. I was a paralegal. I do accounting and bookkeeping. You know, I paid the bills, you know I took care of her and, you know he just, he didn't do anything like, most of our pictures are of just me and her because he never got out of bed because he was always on drugs. I didn't notice that, I didn't know what he was on until like two years later cause I was never used to
seeing somebody on Xanax you know, Vicodin. I just couldn't understand why
he'd always have mood swings and why he'd always be wanting
to lay down all the time. So... And he would just verbally, you know attack me if things weren't perfect. And I mean perfectly, this coffee cup better
be in the same position as I put it the day before and the day before, and the day before, and the way he would do it. If you were in the kitchen then if he'd walk in, you'd have to walk out. Cause otherwise he'd yell at you, What, why are you in the kitchen? Just, you know I cooked him dinner every night
after an eight-hour day, come home, take care of my baby. I wanted to show my parents that I could, I could be a responsible daughter. I could have, this life that, you know but when the doors closed they had no idea like what it really went through. So... And I just, for my daughter's sake, I never wanted her to see any ugly or like feel, you know, feel like I do, you know have two parents, at different homes. Just, I didn't want her, I didn't want her to go through that. So I just stuck it out, you know? (sniffles) And pretty soon, you can't beat, join 'em. So I had my breast augmentation a year after she was born and they gave me Vicodin. And that was probably the beginning of the end. You know I just, I drank still and didn't
see a problem with it. Usually, she'd go to my mom's house every other weekend or whatever. So me and her dad we'd just, party like if we were
fricking 16 years old and just be doing the most. And you know, by Sunday, clean up our act and make sure pick up the baby yeah like, nothing happened. But it was just a crazy, he was very different, he was just into the drug scene and knew a lot of bad shitty people. And, You I just, I was... Like I said, you can't
beat them, join them. I started this job in North Hollywood and it was one of the best jobs I did have. And it paid the most but it was just very stressful
and I couldn't handle it. So I just started using Vicodin. Like one one and then, next thing you know I'm asking for two, and the next thing you know I'm asking for Xanax and the next thing, you know I'm not doing my job (laughs). And then I ended up in, I ended up taking my car out one night and crashed it. And I, and it was parked in my front yard and I didn't even know
how the hell it got there. And I thought I had was over those days, like, oh, I'm not drinking-driving
ever again, you know. And I said, holy shit, And I said you know what? I gotta do something about this. And I just, cause like I said, in my family,
you don't talk about what's really going on and you just, unless you get caught of course. You're like, Oh God, oh shit. But I just called my mom and was like, I need to go to rehab. I'd been to rehab when I was
15 because of crystal meth. But, and 'cause I got
kicked out of high school. So, I just, I have this just way about it, I just like to do what I want when I want. And I don't care what I'm, what I'm supposed to do oh, this is what I'm doing. But when I became a mother, like I just, I did everything the right way and it still ended up, it's such an ugly path. I'm still struggling with that. Every, every second, you know it just, I hate being away from her. And that's the reason why I can't get my shit together because it's like, there's no happiness, there's no it's not living without her. But, I just, I, I was accused of I was drunk, or I got I was drinking, and her dad had accused me of like driving drunk with her, like drugging, I don't know. He made a report, basically. And the cops came (sniffling) and it was like the ugliest thing. I ended up getting arrested. I then, as I'm getting arrested it's like, the CPS, was already informed. Met me at the station and told me, well, since
you're her only guardian guess like your daughter's
not gonna be with you anymore. You just go to your parents. You lost custody. You're losing custody right now. So, but six hours later I was led out and everything was, straightened out. And I was, you know they were able to see that I didn't do any other thing but, because CPS already got involved, I'm riding this, this wave. And I, so I'm doing everything that
they wanted me to do. I'm thinking in two months or whenever the court it was, I think maybe two or three
months down the road, she's gonna come back home. And every night I'm telling her, you know at this point they made, they also made me move out of my mom's house. Because I moved us to there because I couldn't be with him anymore. They made me move out of my mom's house cause I couldn't be, I couldn't spend the night at her house because of Ashley was there And trying to tell your
daughter every single, I mean, I've told her,
she's five years old. She's sleeping with me. Trying to tell her and rock her to sleep and tell her, you know, I'm sorry. I can't, I gotta go. Mommy has to leave. Watching her cry. And my mom crying. It tore my, it ripped my heart out. And, in the court, three months later, they're like just go and do the course that they want me to do. Of course they, it wasn't good enough. So there was later I'm expected here to be able to come
home and tell my baby, okay, it is another
couple of weeks, you know? And they say, well, no she's not gonna come
home with you, you know. You didn't do this, or you gotta do this, this and that. So, I lost it. I just lost it. It's painful you know. It's painful. And I mean, people, they don't understand. I just, I lost... I just couldn't keep my shit together. And so one night, you know, I'm drinking cause I don't know what the
fuck else to do with myself. And my friend's doing it, you know goes and gets some heroin and I'm like, okay, cool, you're getting it anyway, Like I don't need it. All of a sudden I'm like, well, well I wanna try it out and then I see how messed he gets I say, well shit, he's pretty numb. Maybe I'd like to try that. Okay, well you need to smoke it, No, no, no, I wanna do it like you, I'm doing it like you. So he tries to give me this speech. I'm like, yeah, yeah, save it. Who cares, I'm not gonna end up like you. I'm not like that, it's not gonna happen to me. And, Jesus Christ, I think I was using like two grams of heroin a day driving from Palmdale, I don't even think I took a shower, changed my clothes or brush my hair for like three, the first, like three weeks for sure. I think I was just... A slave, you get up, you go to sleep, pass
out 'cause you're high, you get up, and you just go to the dealer right away. I mean, I had really nice bags. I had you know money saved. I had a car, I had everything. And by the time that was all over I, this is where I've ended up. Like, I cleaned up my act a few times but I just keep getting
involved with these people that just are abusive and cruel. And they take everything, you know, they build you up, you know in the beginning, you just believe them, and you're like okay, you know? And then all of a sudden, they're calling, you know they're putting their hands on you and beating you and, these awful names, calling these awful names, cheating on you, just taking you know what's left of, what's left of me basically and just fucking trashing it. So I just... I just wanted to die. Like I just been, I'm like, you know I just got into that mind frame like, who cares if I'm gonna be gone? Like, you know what I mean? Maybe my daughter would be better off. Like, and you know, I thought that my daughter
would be better off if I don't talk, if I don't call cause I don't wanna upset her, make her think about me. So I've... I grow estranged for a couple months. And it's is not right, you know. But, my mom didn't want me to come see her and then knock-up, It was just, such a, it's like such bullshit really. It's your guilt keeps you sick and it keeps you away from the people
that you love the most. Because you don't know what to say. How many excuses, you don't know what to say, there's no excuse in the world why you're not there with your baby and why you're not working on yourself to get it back there. But when you're on the street, and you're walking around at 3:00 AM and you know nobody's thinking about you, you're just on your own. It's a pretty fucked up lonely feeling. And you know, for me, I can't just ride it out. I gotta, I need something
to make me feel better. Cause that's all that I,
that's all that I know. Every person I relied on left or lied or did me some way or another
you know even my parents. At some point, it's like
if I can't trust them, who can I trust? Nobody really. And everyone pretends that they're your friend and they're
nice and they're gonna do this, that and the other, but really they just want, you know they want what they want. And I've had to put my self aside in a, for like basic human necessities which somebody shouldn't have to do for just to take a shower, whatever You know just, stupid little things that
people take advantage of. Or I don't know, just if I had, I could have
gone somewhere, I just because of this situation,
I'll never be the same. Like I'll never, I could never go back to the person that I was. There is such a difference
in pictures from before when I was with my baby until now I'm just like this. I don't even look the same. And I've just seen so many things that somebody just doesn't ever wanna see. And I mean, it is ugly. You just, you don't know
how ugly the world is until you have nothing and you have too much
pride to ask for stuff. But-but, you find yourself now prostituting herself because nobody else is gonna give you money. And you know, you don't wanna work because you want to do drugs all day. cause you, but you don't
wanna really do drugs. You're just trying to be normal again It's this fucking sick cycle, but it'll end up, you know it'll end you up on the
wrong side of the tracks. And unfortunately, I was living in Laughlin and I was in the same shit
there as I'm doing here. And I just, I try to, one day I wake up and
I wanna save the world the next day I'm just like, fuck it. I don't care. I'm just gonna ODI and end it all. And a couple of weeks ago, somebody did give me
fentanyl and I did die. And you know, you don't realize like once that happens, it makes you take life
a little more seriously. Maybe I don't wanna die. Maybe I do wanna do the
right thing, you know. I just got into an argument with Jonathan and, which was my ex-boyfriend now, I just got into an argument with him and it would have been the
last time he talked to me it would just, last time
anybody would see me, but my family doesn't reach out to me. Like they turned their back right now. And I guess they think that I should go to rehab or whatever, but, you know it's like, I don't know why they, why they're just so judgmental. They don't understand like, I like literally had a mental breakdown and nobody's asking me, if I'm, you know, if I'm okay like they just carry on like, Oh, well, like, you know it just sucks. So, it just keeps me, in the streets more. I mean, I'm not trying
to feel sorry for myself but I guess that's
really what's happening. I can't seem to do this sober. And I don't know when something's gonna change. I mean, yeah, I could go and I could pretend to like somebody, because that's all
these men want, you know probably a pretty girl and you know, for basically you to smile and nod and I could have you know, I could have a house
and I can have the car. I can have everything. But I don't, I'm just I'm sick of, I'm just sick of doing that. I'm sick of pretense. I don't... I wanna be happy and that's
not happiness for me you know. But I don't know I just, I have goals, but I don't know. At some point you just, nothing ever goes right. I'm a great starter, but you know just can't seem to finish anything. And so, said boyfriend cheating on me and like three days ago, he
kicks me out of my house and, first of all he's sleeping with the girl
downstairs we had roommates and looks me in the eye and tells me I would never do that and la-la-la. And we got in an argument and he just he just didn't want to be with me anymore. So he had the manager kicked me out cause that's the girl that
he's screwing, cousin. So of course he's going
to have loyalty to her and kicks me out. And so I ended up back here, you know cause I came here two months ago, then we got a place and then, you know and then I'm here again. I mean, these people, some of them they're the most generous, beautiful souls I've ever met. Like give me more than my family. They feed me, show me love
don't judge me, you know just took me in and helped me. But then there's ones that, you know they make you think they're gonna do that and then all of a sudden you're you're in somebodies apartment with eight dudes and you're just like, holy shit, how did I get here? Cause there's, you don't know, you know they already have a plan
for you before you're even five you know, five feet away. So, it's a learning lesson for sure. And you can't trust
everybody that you want to. And there's a lot of wolves in sheep's clothing as they say. But I, you know there's things that go on here that I would never even think possible that I never thought I would witness. Like there was just bad, bad things, you know? And-- - [Mark] What's the
worst thing you've seen? - Murder. Somebody got murdered. And he was screaming for help. And I, and there's nothing
that you can do because you don't wanna put yourself
out because you know like you don't wanna, get killed yourself
just for like trying to, and what could you, what
could I have done, really? Here's another two men, like, he was taken from his tent. I was next door waiting
for my friend to come back. And all I could hear was, you know his blood-curdling scream. Like "I don't know, please no", And, "help me" in the distance and, and as I was listening, you know it stops And you just, and I didn't have a phone on me to call and I'm just going, this is not real, this is not really happening. This is fake. And then, so I, the next I'm like shaking like a leaf and I just, Oh my God, I can't believe that
there's that this goes on. But I mean, they say, they talk about it, like it's yeah, it's happened But you really don't think
it's ever gonna happen around you or in front of you. Like, this is just for
the movies or whatever dramatic, you know? But no, it happened. And then I see his picture on the, on the door of like these places I'm like, holy shit. Like, like I don't know who did that... This you know, to him, but I know that he's never coming back. I asked one of the you know, neighbors, by the tent where I was at. And I said, like, you see, do you think this is what happens? Oh yeah, that is, yeah. He never came back. And I think you don't
know what somebody did to, nobody deserves it, but you don't know what somebody
did to get to that point. I mean, totally. It really scares you into just wanting to run away but
where do I run away? I have no home. You wanna go home, but where is that? So-- - [Mark] So, you're at Skid row now, where are you living, you have a tent? - No, I have friends that I stay with. Like, one day I'll stay with this friends the next, you know, it just depends. - [Mark] So you just find a place to crash every night?
- Yeah. I mean, everybody, when
you're a pretty I guess well, they think I'm pretty and you know just, my good looks get me somewhere - [Mark] Are sexual favors
part of your business? - No. Well, not with my friends, no. But even though I'm sure
it's like an undertone it's mostly probably expected, but I try not to to think about it. You know, sometimes you just
gotta do what you gotta do. - [Mark] And what do you do to support your drug habit? - I don't usually pay for drugs, but if I have to, I prostitute myself, I've been, I've been prostituting myself for a month now I guess. It's, it's not who I am. I just kind of separate myself from that, from that person and I just try to pretend like it didn't happen. Like I got money made, like, I can just, you know I'm sure it'll catch up with me someday, but right now I'm just trying to get through the day, like. I've never stole anything in my life and all of a sudden I'm
having to steal things because otherwise you know, I'm not gonna have it and I need it. You know, like I said, it's
just, it's a, it's a shitty it's a shitty life, you know? And I just, I need to, I need to start, doing the right thing and everyone's like, you need to go to rehab. And I just, I feel like
I'm not ready yet you know. I just, unfortunately, I'm not... - [Mark] Is your daughter with her father? - Yeah, she's with her dad and with my parents. And it just seems like
every time I try my hardest, it just there's something there to stop it and it's like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Like, I've done everything you know. I just don't know. I don't, I just--. - [Mark] What do you think the core of your addiction is? Is it something that happened early in childhood, is-- - I just think it's abandonment issues and it's not feeling like
I was important enough to, you know never being good enough. Always pushed to the side like, you know like what I have to say is
not important to anybody and nobody gives a shit about
your feelings, you know. Always having to rely on myself because I never had anybody to talk to. Like I see these families and
I'm just so envious, you know. And I just, I tell you know, little girl, whatever kid,
just be your age you know. Just live your, you know live you childhood. Like, don't be so quick
to grow up like you know. Cause you definitely could just, it goes so fast. And I just wish that, for my daughter's sake, I you know, I did cute things there
to keep her you know. I just hope that her dad and my parents you know they, they do say-- - [Mark] Your daughter is seven now?. - Six, she's gonna be seven It breaks my heart I wasn't able to be there for her birthday or Christmas, and I just wanna I mean, there's nothing I could
say that would ever, you know-- - [Mark] What do you think people - People think? - [Mark] That are not addicts, don't understand about addiction? - It's because we're,
it's emotional damage. It's PTSD really. It's just as bad maybe
if you'd gone to war. People put up with things
and see things that they just, it fucking shocks you and it's so upsetting to you, to your soul that, you
know, you block it out you block it out, block it out, and then, as you get older things
start re-surfacing. I mean the song play or you'll smell something and then just (fingers snaps). All of a sudden you're inch, up shit creek, no battle. And I think that a lot of people they're trying to self-medicate as well. For my depression, I use heroin. For weight loss, I use meth. That's about it you know. When you're addicted to heroin you're just trying to get enough so you could feel normal. - [Mark] That's the same
principle as alcohol, isn't it? - Yeah! same goes
- It is not different? right. Because it's anxiety. I think a lot of people, if they were given the right medication and they took it the right way and they were, I think they'd be a whole, in a whole different world. Because there are very
good people out here but they're also, you know the animals and the
bad, the bad, bad, bad. But, for the most part, I
just think that you know, people are just judgemental. It's okay to (fingers snaps) oh, well, you're a drug addict. Well, I wonder why, like, you know it's emotional pain, I think, and it's anxiety and just self-medication. Self-medicating. I don't think that they, they wanted to grow up
and say, and, you know be talking to themselves, you know on the corner in their tent. Like, I don't think that they wanted that. Personally, you know shit went down and they got fuck, their brain,
you know (beeps) like you know, did a, a 180. As I'm, you know, as here, I understand that And I can, I can relate and I don't judge and I accept everybody, but before and unless
you're in that situation unless you've gone through it, you're gonna, you know you're very quick to just be like, Oh, what a fucking loser? Like, I'll never be like that. Well, hopefully, you're not like that. But if you do end up like that, you know, he just, maybe I, I don't know. I think, I think it's sad because they're the first like I said they're the first people that will give you their
shirt off their back versus someone in you know, a family member even, a friend. I just think they know what it's like. You know they... You know, you never
know when it's gonna be your first day on the street. Like you're just supposed
to figure this out. Like you know, people are so scared to
death but I think that once you're able to survive and I think there's a lot of finessing a lot of manipulation, a lot of bartering. I think that you could survive anywhere. And I think it's, it made me stronger and I've able to find who I am. Maybe I needed that a little bit. Cause you know, when it going from like having stuff to to not having it and being
able to still be happy and survive and laugh through it, you know says something you know. I don't know what that is but there's a lesson
learned and I'm grateful. I'm grateful to be able to like, I can be, you know a chameleon really like be with people that have money, people that don't have money. I can fit in with everybody. Cause I've been in each stage. I feel like. So, I guess that's a you know one-up, I guess. But-- - [Mark] Do you think
there's a chance that you might not get out of here? - No, I don't know. Shit, I ever thought about that. Well, I don't know. Some days I just wanna shoot myself in the face honestly. I just, sometimes I
walk around and I just, you know these people it's like the second coming of Jesus. I think I'm like the only
white girl here (chuckles). I don't know. The other ones are a little crazy. But sometimes I just I'm like, where the, where am I going? What should I do with myself? Why am I not going back to my career or or my, trying to work towards my family or why, you know, why this, why that? And then all of a sudden
I find myself high again and well, you know, I'll go tomorrow. I'll do this tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. Well, I don't know. And, like I said, a couple weeks ago, I didn't know if tomorrow would have came. I ODed and I, and died and, luckily the people that were around me cared about me and they gave me Narcan and I took two of them. And then they, they did call 911. And even though they had guns and this and that and the other, they didn't, they put themselves
aside to save my life. And for that, I'll always be grateful. So you just never know. You just never know. I think it's important to
just live your life you know, and just be as happy as you can and do the right thing by
people and you know, and and, love more than, give love more than, Hey, you know at least try not to, you know, be an asshole (chuckles) really like you know, I think that I'm a giver. I just, I love to see if you can make you can be kind to somebody that you know, it could make their day
or their life, you know even taking a couple of
minutes out of your time to make them smile and laugh because they're always on edge you know, wondering if someone's
gonna get over on them, you know its, its, it's something that you
know is invaluable, I think. And they'll remember
you by that, you know? So I think you should be
remembered by you know, something good versus, (laughs) versus being an asshole
(laughs) to people. - [Mark] All right Heather Thank you so much for sharing your story. - Yeah. Thank you, thank you. - [Mark] Good luck in getting back together with your daughter. - Yes, thank you. - [Mark] Thanks.
