Cr1TiKaL (penguinz0) Stream Mar 4th, 2018 [Hunt Down the Freeman]

[Music] so emotional right now this listen to this [ __ ] tune bouquet dia always among the first always impressed so for those that don't know this is a new half-life game not an official one clearly and it's really bad judging by what I've heard I've played about 10 minutes I bought it when it first came out knowing nothing about it so I played it for a little bit and I stopped because it was [ __ ] but now I think it's time I pick it up and really just get entranced by this beautiful story so let's get after it [Music] past ten minutes I don't really know what to expect I know some youtubers did voice acting in here so you know it's a recipe for disaster I don't know who all did it I know Alex from the official podcast did it he the avoid a character in here can't remember who else but yeah I'm excited appreciate it Dustin I think the game will make you very dry very soon I've also heard this game as a big pile of queef Austin love you to Chapo sweet president killer keemstar that's who it was keemstar voices the president that's what it was evening Johnny how are you doing doing well hope you're doing well as well dial me daddy just know that right away I think I nailed it what's up Jalen good this year I forgot to turn subtitles on so I'll do that first chance I get now I'm not gonna pretend I haven't seen this part before I'm not gonna put on a show for you here I know it has finished uni and pathology I'm glad to be able to celebrate with a drink and a moist stream good luck with her pathology I've never heard of that at the study of herpes it's very specific this doesn't look as bad whole baby are you gonna be in for a rude awakening the game steals so many assets entire levels and entire cutscenes from other existing properties and it does them poorly back from church it's 5:00 in the afternoon and I haven't been to church since I was but a young lad [Music] this would have been way better as a source filmmaker movie it would have been way better if it just didn't exist really but I haven't given it a super fair shake of the sauce bottle like I said I've only played about 10 minutes and from whatever what I've been reading and hearing it's abominable so I'd like to experience all that it has to offer [Music] rest in peace Splinter Cell for Tom Clancy saying what his franchise has become how's it going super Airwick I barely living hi Charlie I am so glad that I subbed to you I am no longer a virgin well you've come to the right place because there's somebody that's majoring in herpetology super [ __ ] goddamn blisteringly loud that's what I'm saying Chris they didn't even reach out to me to voice in here I have no idea where powdered toast man is from yet none of these just do this they're swinging well mini I would have loved to lend my voice acting chops for this game I like that oh my god the jump-scare also full disclosure Ivan played a half-life game in a long time [Music] and I still do does this still work again I can't fly with that well I'm having fun so far what - listen - yeah you come to the right place you listen to some great voice acting in this game that's sweet Jacob thanks I am a premiere FPS god [ __ ] it Meghan McCain me game my phone just got an update but now I think it emits more gamma photon acquit I can try chlorophyll nucleo be less than normal yeah that's the same there's a solution for that though I wonder where this level's stolen from this is racist this game thanks charlie I mean the games I don't know if the game is racist or not but it's insulting to human intelligence good to see I hope you having a good day don't worry the surprise is already spoiled I heard about it on Twitter make an alt account and sponsor again that might fix it now this is where I turned it off so like I said I didn't get very far this is all new to me I don't know what the [ __ ] the point of this level design is here guess they filled this up as a pool maybe back in this facility oh that's cool this [ __ ] man nice oh my god it's the free man yikes this is certified [ __ ] right yeah I think the CDC labeled this as certified [ __ ] to believe in Newton Oh anime should be enough to convince us it's worse than roblox for adults best in the game thanks tide pod god I'm excited I can't wait to get to the really good cutscenes why am i not a voice actor in this game they didn't ask I would have [ __ ] done it in a heartbeat you kidding me [ __ ] yeah I would have loved to be part of this trainwreck appreciate it Bailey see I could play him I could play the g-man hello [ __ ] your dick is very small sergeant rather his remains hmm wanna know mr twigs I'm impressed I don't really want to give you advice to get fired from Black Mesa who does Alex voice it wasn't our intention to begin with yet you're still here you should have just died there but here you are you've proven yourself a man a conviction but even this does not impress me as much as the word she's here this voice acting doesn't impress me either I should be doing this character thank you so much I appreciate that Louis I hope those tough times are behind you and it's nothing but clear skies and free men well you see mr. Mitchell we cannot let you kill your doctor free men yet they authorized me to offer you a deal alex is the asian guy i will keep my eyes peeled with authority power and time the simulation theory is very interesting I don't know if I believe in anything but interesting guns keep your promise mr. Mitchell give us a taste of your voice acting skills this is hello mr. Mitchell you should have died and you didn't I'm losing Thank You blood thank you I need to patch myself if you need me for a big-budget title just let me know I'm available that was extremely cute I appreciate that man can I just leave I thought there was an objective I had to complete hey no thief thief he's got the precious god damn this guy's [ __ ] hauling Billy Mitchell Billy Mays an artist an all-star in this epic masterpiece pretty sick right yeah it's a recipe for success it sounds about right cool dude enjoy the extra 12 inches but that's way more than you need 6.5 is all you need hey sky walking huh oh my god why doesn't it take me oh it does that'll do it welcome aboard big red come back you can't decide to play Dark Souls remastered hope you're having an amazing day man less than three yeah professor said we'll certainly rear his beautiful head again all right now that I know that it's programmed to actually do something I won't do that again you've come oh man I suppose the door a fake God the horror game place waiting setting in friends we're not supposed to go here stand back I've got a phone book [ __ ] maybe I have to go around I cracked the code don't worry the directors dad I don't know and [ __ ] yeah I would have voice-acted in this game if they'd asked I would've loved to I'd you supposed to go back the way I came how do I fight I don't have a weapon I can't melee oh I can go prone that's cool totally useless but cool I guess oh god damn it I got pranked again why can't I I'm on the ground floor how is he even hitting minx nothing like mr. I remember you must have played a different game this is a one-to-one recreation easy you're a week late I actually downloaded this when it first came out and I turned it off because it was really boring but now that it's got so much coverage it and everyone saying how bad it is I thought maybe it'd be fun to give it another try and see if it is as bad as they say so don't tell me I'm a week late check when I bought this the day it came out Oboro wada Binoche is just a simple soccer player though there's not a whole lot of a space for him in a lot of games because I don't like many soccer games unless they're by M deke this is horrifying Jonny I've been watching you for over five years and I just wanted to thank you for helping me through some hard times I love you Long's I appreciate that filthy love you too I hope those hard times your long passed out played Jesus this guy's unjú Keable Oh just kidding this is a cool level great the Hadron Collider looks like something made in gmod I think most of it is from gmod borrowed from by borrowed I mean stolen this is not the right way oh look at them using the mechanics I appreciate that lawyer I was oh sweet well I appreciate it Bailey I use our long past I hope things are looking good for you buy em Dicky we'll never die that's timeless classic some say that was the big bang that started the universe seamless transition wow I look so [ __ ] nerdy the main character looks like a middle schoolers interpretation of a cool guy that gets all the girls it's like if Solid Snake got [ __ ] by trailer park trash thanks and then mauled by a cougar special forces doing yeah oh I was about to ask the same question I recognize that voice anyway negative Jesus Christ Alex ego from the official podcast to the official pile of [ __ ] was going on out there that's true it is a gateway drug to wrestling under an alien invasion I might speedrun this those things are targeting mainly military bases it's been just two hours first one big portal appeared then ten hundred you know it's almost ironic Alex criticizes movies for a bad voice-acting and [ __ ] and then look at this what have you done Alex you become what you hate listen to me we are gathering on the metro station on Brandon Street if you can make it there find Colonel Q tell them Nick sent you take this radio and Matt what's your opinion on this game is it I think it's poopoo diarrhea is there any other opinion besides it being a pile of [ __ ] does anyone defend this if real I got a mute Alex again man welcome to Albuquerque welcome aboard W Hill God you've fallen so far from grace Alex you've come friends watch Alex made a video on this I didn't see a little thing I'll have to check it out I've been waiting for you friends Oh baby I'm in it now this looks this looks nice what is it called in half-life ravenclaw their rate Ravenwood [ __ ] is it it's Raven something I know I'll Ravenclaw's Harry Potter I'd be ashamed to I'm getting I'd be very proud if I was in this raven home that's what it is if I was in this game I wouldn't stop bragging about it the you're all lucky I would didn't have a voice in this game you'd never hear the [ __ ] end of it keemstar plays the president I know I'm excited now this is intense thanks mol for the longtime support I love that character model it looks like something out of the SNES era what am I supposed to go yeah God outplayed don't worry I'm here to help [ __ ] boys the tf2 spy is reporting for duty you'll never get me [Music] and I wish you nothing but the hardest of penises appreciate it yeah [ __ ] is this the creature made out of rock it's not the best they could do much left to use wall band I'll be the judge of that spindle I know real art when I see it and right now we're looking at some some top-notch top-shelf art is this set too easy it didn't let me set it difficulty so I think there's only one difficulty and it's poop actual ass welcome aboard Iran Neeraj innings how gay is my mom I'm gonna prepared to use noclip why can i stream roblox soon yeah maybe when they get some more games on there you've no friends the door of fate shall open did it crash I don't think so I've been waiting for you it's a super long loading I'm here to help oh my god if you're a plasma grenade just as a friendly reminder this is not a 1998 game this came out a week ago I prefer the half-life mods no I'm gonna get in this is for you Alex our Colonel Mick Sanders whatever the [ __ ] your name is in this game I do ours but how often do you masturbate Oh God okay he has so many lines why didn't he at least try now this is how you do game play I just throw a whole bunch of useless [ __ ] enemies at young stuff excuse me pardon the bullets only do one damage each I'm late to class that's game design class I'm here to help welcome aboard Maggie I'll be the judge of that I'm sorry Matthew I couldn't hear you over the sound of these bullets that sound like they're hitting an empty dump truck I'm in a loading screen and I can't stop being bombarded by horrible sound effects Jesus Christ that's it everything is this hell this one else sounds like the map creators screwed up the loading zones how am I still in the game oh my god I'm still in the game what the [ __ ] is going on what kind of parallel dimension have I entered one where Alex sucks at voice acting and I'm stuck playing the shitty game endlessly what happens to a man if he dies virgin and then he never truly lived you left the loading trigger well apparently I'm down in the middle of the sea here looking for Atlantis I'm stuck in Itachi sukui tsukiyomi I remember that I've seen it I've seen in Naruto or - why did I pay $20 for this masterpiece like I said I bought it the day it came out and I didn't know anything about it it looked like just the right amount of trash to be fun there we go now we've got 24 style going on Jack Bauer or should I say Alex Bauer teasing me Jesus Jesus am I supposed to do do I go do I rip this open with my [ __ ] hands or something what is the plan Alex come in on the comms Christ do I have to pretend to be a receptionist here and just like take people's reservations and [ __ ] think Alex voice acting sucks wait until you hear pyrocynical he's in this game - I'm excited I can't wait to just see this whole travesty unfold I can conclusively determine that penis growth isn't directly related to sponsoring but to the access and use of emotes given by sponsoring that's that's right it's not just the act of sponsoring it's also the use of the emotes Mitchell's resistance to bullets is due to the Faculty's skin is made of stone seriously take a good look at his face coarser than gravel that's a good point you may have just blown it wide open what what am I supposed to [ __ ] do spoiler you don't kill big door dos smelly seaman Freeman huh smelly seaman Freeman I don't kill oh I used the other elevator of course oh it's a Z no I don't want to see the requestion I'm not ready make sure you oh do I have to manually save where do I save Oh yucky house valve nothing sued yet the [ __ ] shotgun Johnna the gameplays too intense you need me to make a love song for you to [ __ ] your girlfriend yeah we haven't left 2001 that don't worry this will still be in the running of the year christ almighty does it ever stop the game placed oh my god this feels like something I would have made with the the [ __ ] was it back in the early 2000 bad that design your own FPS game where you just dumped a bunch of enemies into a field and shoot them and I'm blanking on the name of it I'm not talking about the flash game I'm talking about an actual downloadable program I think it was something like FPS drivers no no oh I'm being overwhelmed I'm out Posey's outplayed looks like a decent Garry's Mod map it from what I've read every map in this game is ripped from Garry's Mod so it's not Alex's fault they just didn't give them good direction how am I supposed to get up there oh I'm not supposed to get up there well it makes it a little bit better I can forgive Alex I'll let him back on the podcast what's the point in letting me open doors if it doesn't let me go in their room I'm taking the computer with me nope no just kidding you can't see a [ __ ] thing you need to equip the night vision why is that our rina fight is this essential to the Freeman's story lurgha what about the love interests do the only love interest here is with the voice acting it'll fall in love with the characters good luck finding out how to use the night vision got it in the first try is there any point even fighting things at all they just bullet sponges that helps you anything it's like old men that are suffering from somnambulism welcome aboard Melissa oh god no no not my lunch money give me speed run I could have done this without the night vision good luck figuring out how to take night vision off so I remember how I put it on what I hear pigs having an orgy up here then they already make a predator game they made a couple oh yeah baby give me more give me more exposition please be another youtuber please all of God be voiced by a youtuber so you're that sniper huh so you make Minecraft Let's Plays huh and you must be Mitchell and you must be the one on the radio who I don't recognize that voice said that you guys have a plan about getting out of city maybe I went in why hey let's make a deal I'm listening good first let's lower the guns okay I can get you to Brandon Street with shortcuts and give you sniper support what I want in I'm getting the hell out of it I don't trust this school boy at all so whatever your plan is I'm in when we're out I'll go my own way until then I'm the only friend you got Oh subtitles yeah I'm sorry I forgot I'll put money mr. black ops why should I trust you Cyr is he a youtuber over at Black Mesa Adam my name is Adam and we just followed orders they sent us to do the job you guys failed to do you killed your own people didn't you by the time we got there oh the delivery that was different how none of the dips if I had a working my company besides the main dev Frank and no one else on my team knew what it looked like until it release this is like an actual disaster artist story this is some Tommy Wiseau level of [ __ ] for you is hunt down the free man the room of the video gaming world my way back I think so Adam well I guess I found my way back I want to be in games like this they just didn't reach out to me I would have oversold this character like a [ __ ] you know he says you killed your own people I would have doubled down super hard and just shouted at him with like a grumbly gravelly voice god I would have gone up for a [ __ ] Oscar with my performance in this pile of [ __ ] if they let me it's always best with the covers up are these just giant dragonflies Jesus what the [ __ ] is God himself shooting at me what is going on where is this coming from is it from the don't worry I've got a pistol my anti-air gun oh wait you said you can use notebook right swine I'm gonna try that real quick let's see let's get a closer look at this thing why isn't it why isn't letting me know cliff Oh subtitles right Oh sv cheats 1 I totally it's been so long you're right they're spaced or not why does it keep saying unknown man now let's see what we're dealing with up here what the [ __ ] is this thing it's like a hovercraft worm what about everything up here it's all the same just nice little Google images of the first insect they could find don't worry I'm coming home it's from half-life 2 it must have just been so long since I played it I don't even recognize it shittin just made a meme out of it instead playin Winnie come on smile the Grande indeed is this the right way this is destiny to Greece and I play okay I can't destroy it what the [ __ ] is going on with this thing why is it DG a chelating that's that's a mystical box right there Alex come in on the comms and inform me of what's going on I wish Alex had voiced like the the Polka Navigator like from Pokemon you know the one that would uh the Pokedex that's what it was called I wish they had that for this and Alex just told me all the information about everything here no I went backwards take off the goggles well joke's on you because I don't know how I don't remember how I put them on how do I take off the goggles Alex commit on the comms how do I take off goggles [Music] third person all third persons a good idea I got him I would have subjected myself to this messy fun kidding me would have loved to I've got it covered your lead agent is on the case shooting him from beneath my nipples right where my heart should be there's just another gun it's like I'm a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure stand user hear my stand is the stand of actual anus press six oh there we go what is it it's just football pads or something what is this what weapon why am I making like an airplane now what do I [ __ ] go is a better question oh thank you that was my night vision of course I should have been able to tell that was my night-vision goggle stance ready okay I'm super lost where am I supposed to go does anyone know I keep trying to hop me all right I'm just gonna noclip again okay this this looks about right there we go absolutely beautiful indeed a little speed running strat for you I'm with no clipping you need to know clip over that that's the only way to progress look at me go I'm the [ __ ] can puzzle solve with the best of them yeah still no clipped why am I even playing in the first person this game was clearly made for third-person gameplay [ __ ] under fire just got to keep gliding around he'll never touch me I've got it oh wait those are his visitors friendlies my bad boys a little hard to see as you can tell my heart's not really in my turret stance right now well I have a crazy idea can i noclip with the turret and fly with it no that operation ended in nothing but disappointment now this is gaming in 2018 baby now or in the future you know sometimes I think yeah we kind of have the same [ __ ] as we did 10 years ago nothing's really changing but then I'll play a game like this and I'm like goddamn we are living in the future I hope this section doesn't end for another 20 minutes clear see him hiding in the portal I think that's everyone right clear I'll go back to first person no take it off thank you turn on third person platformer I'm not familiar with that command why can I not progress at my bullets felt reach him I know that's the last guy but I can't I genuinely can't he's blocking the [ __ ] portal what an [ __ ] how did you get into dance Davin games it's just that I always like metal music and rock music and when I was a kid I just stumbled upon them and like some old Gears of War thing I think I'm gonna have to no flip over to them again aren't I yep that's the makings of a good game I think I opened the floodgates now that's hoping I could in turn Oh damnit this really is just like a little puzzle solving game here with how to use the console commands and win looks like a source mud I wish it's not even that good thanks star who I'll spend it on DLC for this game maybe the soundtrack pack this is so [ __ ] dumb I can't reach him there's always one guy that keeps getting caught in the portal this is the silliest [ __ ] how could they make a game this bad what is this model anyway [ __ ] me there's still another guy stuck in the portal does it ever [ __ ] in it's an infinite spawner what am I supposed to do then am I supposed to come down here maybe total waste of [ __ ] time I'm going the right way now backups here holy [ __ ] you actually have to use noclip to progress in the game don't you you weren't kidding it's a nice break from prying onto a my nursing textbooks oh it's no fun stay moist I I thought it was a joke you actually have to know clip a lot I really did think you were just kidding how could anyone defend this guy him playing normally you can't progress I'm getting hunted by a giant [ __ ] mosquito boy oh I died okay well short cut I guess let's try here type impulse101 I'm not falling for that old trick that fries my computer Jesus Christ move move move I'm trying there we go bang another level down baby node graph out of date holy [ __ ] the game does not work uh hold on adjust rebuilding the node graph like all good games do can i no clip out of the loading screen yeah don't move amen move move move move what is going on move move move hey happy anniversary move i'll only attend the wedding if you have boots dedicated to this masterpiece move move I just want to get to cut scenes Jesus Christ the game plays there is no game play it's just no clip that's the only way to play what the [ __ ] is I can't believe it's this bad and like this it's like a [ __ ] thirty dollar game I paid $30 for this the day it came out holy Lord thanks day Walker Oh God Oh Oh I'm in another level down appreciate it undead pollywog are you are you watching the stream right now because the noclipping isn't me just joking it's the only way to progress in the game cuz half of its not even done watch oops oh my god oh [ __ ] me I mean I don't really use snapchat anymore the update really killed it but I will play some more reporter anything else oh my god I can't nob Rick the floor is not even [ __ ] done it's not even the results of noclipping that the floor isn't even [ __ ] solid holy [ __ ] you've got to be [ __ ] kidding me hitting prone doesn't even get me up I'll just start [ __ ] hammering it oh there yeah okay it only took 40 [ __ ] hammers of prone to get up I saw that III definitely I misled you there it was clearly just me being stuck in prone good start I stepped on a line I really should just make a key bind for noclip at this point first try the prone stand how did that still how did that still [ __ ] kill me what kind of atomic claymores are they using in this facility at least now I can start standing up and prone consistently what a cool level Oh am I supposed to navigate this alright advanced puzzle solving I mean it's not a puzzle move move move baby oh yeah I'm [ __ ] gliding through now too easy I have expected those to explode Alex come in on the comms what am I supposed to be doing alright not going down there clearly I would rather watch this than watch Jimmy Fallon vomit political garbage and some smug dick at the Oscars fair enough I'd rather watch this than pretty much anything this game is a [ __ ] masterpiece do I have to know clip 2 progress again is there any cutscenes in this game anymore is that all just this bad gameplay now you got to shoot it I'll have to shoot the computer thing I think you sequence you had to get a guy to follow you what what do you mean I'm supposed to get a guy that to follow me [ __ ] that no this sucks the cutscene yes yes yes isn't our guns invisible he just came out with his fingers pointed like a gun I'll please be another youtuber classic Elsa it looks like a piece of duct tape on his upper lip Colonel I met some of your men Nick and Brad at the hospital did you miss the president bit oh this city no we didn't get through this president yeah where can we run away those aliens are everywhere who voice this guy this has to be a youtuber it's too awful to be anything but voice correct to be anything but on the scene but there's no scene New Mexico that's me chief I can do it I can do it me me chief God your charisma is really led me to want to embark on this suicide mission oh yeah I turned on subtitles and they never came on you might die wow that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make Pressey alright all humans you won't regret it also impulse 101 you coward alright dammit no clip oh that's Kai Williams okay bad boys oh my God he's in this - Jesus talk to me boys start bending over what Nicholas and a dime two more quarters and I can murder mine be hypnotized by my hey man Darren you know you will have a good time bars yeah mix in this I know that how do I talk to sky I'm sorry Victor I didn't mean to distract you from the Lord's work we're one of these guys a sky this guy it's well did he record this in a trash can what the [ __ ] what what is this audio quality well I have this sky if you're watching what the [ __ ] were your voice directions here climb into a septic tank and record holy Lord this is just a catastrophe excuse me a brilliant product from start to finish turn up the game volume is it too low now I'll keep the music low [ __ ] that but I'll turn this up let's talk to him one more time now with crystal-clear quality welcome aboard burning bush I was a new line yeah I turned the voices up it should be a little better known for you friends mess around with oh wait impulse101 people keep telling me to try it I'm not afraid oh alright so let's do an NPC create what it Oh we'd have to type the entity moist thanks Jackson let's do an npc create Alex I wonder if that's in here I wonder if that's in here at all damn what is this one no no I don't know how to do that it's been way too long since I [ __ ] around with it where am I even supposed to go character's name is Nick oh wait is it Nick hmm what's up an old dog that didn't work oh wait I typed it backwards that's why nope nope the NPC creates where they were left down I tried to bring Alex into this but I couldn't all right I'll try that one Rara let's see that this game is a flying [ __ ] to model is no it's making my dick very very soft oh I get to listen to your soothing voice I'm glad you and I'm glad you find it soothing gameplay baby get'em sky even my dogs going ballistic please father stop playing oh geez hey how's it going load of work just enjoying high quality 2018 all right this is way too loud now I'm sorry I have to turn that back down I can't hear a [ __ ] thing and my dogs making as much noise as possible hold on Jesus [Applause] okay and see like I said I have subtitles on but it's clearly not working so they didn't even put subtitles in the game yet they still have the option don't worry I got your covered sky is he talking [ __ ] this man is there anything this game does even close to right I love this this is beautiful who's the developer here was like royal rectum or something I hope they make a lot more games to come I wish them a long and prosperous career in video gaming this is [ __ ] brilliant don't worry hit the guy hit the red button I know you know agent Kay says never hit the red button but you know in desperate times get'em sky what are you waiting for wow what a frightening enemy so doing that didn't do [ __ ] all for me hmm oh I found it let's go sky Wow orgy in the men's shower eh good god it's a [ __ ] baby shower out here that's not a baby shower Jesus Christ don't misunderstand I just met me in a [ __ ] shower who's that Alex oh my god the NPC create worked it's Alex talk to me Alex Alex yeah I heard about the president I haven't seen him yet Alex talk to me out I'll make another one whether I can make as many as I need no that's the right one Jesus [ __ ] what was this what was the character's name what was what I hate everything's character name it's Nick right okay I hope this then maybe I can bring keemstar to us damn $5 to kill gu thing all right I'll put him out of his misery Thank You sky at least you're here with the audio lines why won't you talk to me Alex why are you afraid it's [ __ ] sucks man I finally get Alex to come out of his parallel dimension you won't even talk to me where am I supposed to go no no that didn't open my supposed to go this way oh all right cool I did a long time no donate how's it been guess who moved to Florida if you're a car let me know oops poke is pretty far but it's good to see you it's been a long time oh my I've got a little army talk to me Alex talk the [ __ ] is this guy doing the president the president you mean keemstar Oh baby oh baby [Applause] [Music] Rommel alert is on the edge I've heard that before appreciate the Alaska gods Jake Paul has [Music] refused to believe those adjust and watch more Jake and Logan Paul tune in tonight when fouseytube and leafyishere go head-to-head in a cage match live on drama alert I guess you don't understand the situation my friend we're all dead men walking those things the only thing we know for sure if those things are smarter than we thought think about it the first hour they come through the portals but not just random look what happened to you hours motherships targeted the military bases so there used to be a beacon of justice you really chosen ones the grunts of the pope you meant to bring balance to the voice-acting Union we not destroy it Noah weaknesses those creatures can be many things but they're not stupid do you know something we don't black ops well I guess I do well maybe you should open your mouth and start talking the aliens are coming we've been compromised holy [ __ ] colonel we are so [ __ ] everybody take possession oh my god that was beautiful I could really feel the panic in his character oh my god Alex Jay get out there how it just wants to go home he didn't want to be in this game I trust Alex's good decision a good decision-making where is it going now lock it down don't let that door do anything anything suspicious hold on boys Cavalry's coming please move I'm coming in I got him don't worry I'll take down this pile of rocks the knife is the best weapon in the game by far you'll never make it to the second floor of this Macy's not with me on patrol damn it I'll protect this country for killer keemstar Claymore didn't even explode I've even program to explode I'll thank God I'm impressed going prone still never what can they not hit me when I'm thrown did you miss team star I hope he has more lines I'm chopping away at their ankles boys don't worry I got him Alex give me cover [ __ ] this you'll never catch me down here and then I'll sneak up back here and he'll welcome aboard oh gee Galloway's boom boys I'm in trouble I'm gonna figure [ __ ] give me out of this walk l'avorton rap there Dan strictly yeah Kent I don't understand what the speech I can't hear anything I'm [ __ ] deaf now alright impulse101 it is you come friends turn the sound down I can't that it turns down the dialogue you'll have to speak louder God do something Alex what the [ __ ] are you doing I can't hear you Jamie I couldn't hear a [ __ ] word that said I'm sorry does it ever [ __ ] in holy-shit impulse whoops open the [ __ ] door what door this door directed noclip through it Oh turn the crank on the wall so I have to no flip through this no no no it's not well so the actual gameplay there was - no clip through the wall and do this come on boys Oh behind Oh on your side I see just lift up your legs boys just lift up one leg and cut ball while that poor man ricocheted it off a teammate hold on wait I'll spawn an army we can win this I'll spawn as many Alexes as possible let's make a lot of them we've got it now oh they didn't spawn I see it so this is where I supposed to do it easy got it let's go boys come on you're free all right I'll meet you boys at the the safe zone I guess oh come on we we can leave I'm glad they made this tunnel as long as possible I'll just meet you boys at the rendezvous I guess the 2018 voice-acting scene has transcended to the next level with this game this is paving the way for new immersion see like I actually feel like I'm trapped in wet cement right now all right is this just the whole rest of the game I honestly couldn't even envision a more boring first-person shooter I love it I'm making a run for it boys come on what is happening I'm stuck down here does everything just spawn indefinitely oh god the trains not turn around I know you can't feel it because he's missing but he's there I know they told him he was supposed to sound American his accent is flawless that's not what I bought them for at all Toby let me up oh my god after noclip off [Music] 14 hours of gameplay that's hellish that has to be incorrect well I don't even want to live in a world where this is considered game play oh that makes sense and read my audio okay his American accent is still flawless one of the few redeeming things about this game don't worry boys I got it you know getting away from me [ __ ] boy I like how this pile of Ross has like a little fanny pack of rocks oh it's actually like a Little Rock sleeping bag smooth this Roxy good fine oh it's his weak spot come on gotcha they spawn indefinitely here - Jesus right everything is just indefinite waves of enemies I'm just gonna look for the trigger gotta be somewhere over here got it no what do you mean to just say to me and what are you talking about of course she was not to me now we're getting somewhere this is [ __ ] intense listen to that riff wow what a heroic entrance that man's sole purpose was to enter this dimension dad give me a mini young oh also look how far I can see that's at least 50 miles checkmate globe earthers art this [ __ ] flat am I supposed to jump in one of these did I forget to load the enemies [Music] oh I'm not supposed to jump off the train alright jump on top of the Train this is still better than League of Legends it's actually made by the same company who made League that's right games they changed their name the Royal radius why does everyone turn around it look at me I actually think they just forgot to spawn enemies for this this guy likes to live life on the edge I respect that no safety here open door [ __ ] yeah that's extreme oh wait [Music] right well I'm not taking the long way back that's for goddamn sure if I remembered how to buy that I would Guardian monkey I appreciate that glad you're enjoying it there's not many good names like this anymore what am I even supposed to do here I don't understand I guess I'll be the big bad these guys the fight it's called hunt down the free man it's testosterone incarnate those are actually people here now oh you're shooting let me Adam got'em don't worry anti-aircraft Maxwell News and red flag gas is on the case where that defense DARPA technology God more agile than a jet more powerful than one and send all of the small stingrays after you want I'll lead every single [ __ ] those soldiers must respond I wonder if I can just get to the ending trigger just by running straight I'm gonna try it sit down here that's it boy what if I stumbled upon down here appreciate it Louis it's a Roman Colosseum maybe this is where free man's hiding ye olde free man this was deal oh it's the old train tracks the old level before he refined it made it as good as you see today hold on I'm coming back they spawn indefinitely what is this what the [ __ ] what am I supposed to do goddamnit well that's an animation you'll never see again in this game I don't know what I'm supposed to go then if they spawn it I'll jump out the door in the back of the Train really okay well I'll give it a try I hope responded box I can't jump out of that one of these maybe oh this one I did it well after playing this game definitely 0.98 damn that'd be a cool [ __ ] job I don't know if it'd be as intense as this I'm breaking a land speed record here with a landsliding I'm not even no clipping right now I'm not even no clipped okay but I'm going oh Sh you can show triggers where oh wow I can't read this infrared thing at all oh my god what am i a [ __ ] crime scene here what is this caution tape trigger trigger trigger trigger I'm on I'm on tumblr the train stops moving pinging I'm not still moving oh no it's not it's all an illusion the train doesn't move and I fell for it I'm a trigger warning it which one of these triggers is the right one apparently those spawn indefinitely sighs can't be right huh oops oops [ __ ] post timescale depreciating underneath post oh wait I found it here's where the puppet master sits the one in control of it all it's me now I'm in charge I pull the strings and they dance for me [Music] before I forget host [Music] timescale of 1 what does it mean what does it do [Music] as I can't really know for sure since I'm not in the round so you say go to the front of the Train and did oh thank you I did it Oh zero point one makes things fast and slow I see well at least we made it past the level yes cutscene baby why are you using noclip because that's actually the only way to progress in some of the levels not getting favorite NBA team probably the magic will come to Nevada boys this is another youtuber where's the rest of you they're dead all of them combine got him damn would we lose you dead [ __ ] he was always a tough bastard toughest son of a [ __ ] I ever knew I'm lieutenant Harvey and these are my men 5th Ranger company sergeant Laura Adam Nick all right sergeant we got six hours to make it to the beach the roads of California will take a few hours then we're gonna stop by the warehouse to get some supplies god that voice just fits so well we're expecting I'm talking to a real soldier what do you get up on the gun and follow us Rangers lead the way what a wrote this script they're a goddamn genius it had this has to be like some relative of William Shakespeare and Robert Frost one of the oh my god vehicle gameplay look at this terrain I have to know I have Kuwait I'm gonna bite wait is that know how you do it you should have been Gideon how do I bind this way well whatever I can't noclip with the car [ __ ] oh I just forgot the parentheses that doesn't seem right oh but it is what is happening holy [ __ ] but I appreciate that I got to read it sorry I just got flushed down a toilet momentarily thrown into a [ __ ] Washington back up scum there yeah yeah the bike he worked a lot of get back in my car this game plays perfection time to surf or sink I guess know whatever I'm genuinely faster on foot much more agile I don't have a hamster so I guess it's cooler by default they expect me to drive all this way I have to be towards the end of the level I did it I'm here oh wow [ __ ] that my getaway car is here as well we fight with honor baby that's [ __ ] right I did it take it easy [ __ ] yeah relevant gamer this is quite honestly one of the worst days I've ever played and I do mean that it a lot of it doesn't even work and you need to know click to complete some of the levels but at least the Humvees have nos Rangers lead the way but I just get Wiley coyote Dover here let's go the other way [Music] glad they made the level as long as possible bang and it's as easy as that I really wish they had asked me to voice in this game I would have loved to I could have said Rangers lead the way if it's a race you want it's a race you're gonna get when did this game come out 2018 can you tell [Music] sorry about that wait what the [ __ ] oh I guess the the Lord dropped a hard deuce on me get out of the car and no noclip is it too loud it's too loud you know I can always noclip that's fine it's much faster anyway I just wanted to do it the right way so what is that what oh I see now I actually felt like I was in an active war zone where they were getting [ __ ] carpet bombs of how loud that was so [ __ ] loud for no [ __ ] reason holy [ __ ] just get me to the next level I can't stand this where's the trigger I would love to shake the hand of the guy that made this I don't I'm not too familiar with irate gamer I wouldn't know maybe anyone with taste would like this game fine show trigger it's not about but half the fun of it is guessing good oh Jesus I'm allergic to good game design I don't see it often and now today I'm just being overwhelmed with it in this bad boy found it nope fell for the same trick twice fine I'll do show triggers [ __ ] party poopers what was it again it's gonna be back here so there it is got it it has a full dev team from what I've heard Jordy it's not just one basement-dwelling troglodyte it's a whole [ __ ] team and can't you tell listen this is way too big of a task for just one man it came out too well I still know clipped yeah hold on I'll take that off your Zune tie it thank you a little late but I'll take it up Jesus man calm down feel like I'm watching a bad YouTube's okay like I can really hear the panic help me out here alright tell me how do we get them out it's a good point I think the main character's voice actor quit halfway through so that not I have somebody else okay what's the second way you can suck my dick I forgot ok I'm under pressure here give me a [ __ ] break first way then remember no weapons here take this radish looks like some right garbage a ten-year-old who cooked up in the Far Cry man you just don't have an eye for quality I'm sorry two serves anyways Mitchell by the way all right Joe they call you Boston Joe fighters with vaginas I'm surprised I don't call you Chuckie Finster Fred welcome aboard Brandon byrsa WA a fake well I've been waiting for you friends time for a swirly nerd I'm kidding you can be fun really I think I missed a lot of cutscenes I might have to replay this game and get them all also what am i doing why am I playing this in first-person Christ much better got it an entire tribe indeed pardon me boys Slenderman coming through I do not have the minigun what's up dick nugget outplayed oh okay I'm [ __ ] breaking my ankles I see where's my boy Chuck yet see over here T oh no he's over he's getting overrun quality indeed you can get him I don't think I've ever jerked it it's a Victoria Justice she's a fine-looking woman if you're watching Victoria don't take offence but I'm pretty sure I've never done that which one of these is the ending trigger well I think I just have to get Chucky here come on in I'll close the door for you we're safe he doesn't know what to do with himself now I love he made a big point to not use weapons and then whips out a pistol like a compulsion yeah I mean Amina he's a hardened veteran of war as you can clearly tell looking like [ __ ] snake from GI Joe the fifth member of the official podcast you know for being tricked into being in this awful come boy infested game which way am I supposed to go I've genuinely seen SFM animation should posts that look better than the cutscenes in this game no no me too but this game was destined for greatness there we go found it I think didn't I just see one oh yeah it's these guys can I talk to him why do I keep doing this I have no clip bound thank you very much for making this game bearable I didn't variable as possible this games a masterpiece uh yes boys as you can see by this graph business door to another dimension don't need that door to heaven I feel like I'm already in heaven with this game it's just perfect anything back here yeah what happened to the trigger I saw it was it just a mirage other it is there does i think häôs off metal gear like the physical pain it's as good as you'd expect my [ __ ] is this trigger it was somewhere in this direction right like I'm not not going insane here there it is got it no way this is where I started the cutscene okay so we go this way let's just follow common sense we go over here well there goes Chucky on another [ __ ] killing spree that bloodthirsty weirdo not over here and then I come down this way there was nothing for me to hit over here except for all three of you Swedes I see I hit three switches Chucky now what I don't know if that accomplished anything it's backtrack a little there's got to be some beginner's guide just ending where the camera pans up and well our parents back together the secret ending you have to collect all of the Easter eggs the [ __ ] is it these doors don't already tried opening these I don't understand what am i what am i not what am I not getting here I guess I just don't understand competent level design oops didn't mean to give you a concussion they're just moving them oh did he just press it Chuckie press it press it you don't even meet Freeman g-man just bends you over and takes you to pound town is that the actual ending ru just memeing feel like that has to be a meme I think now I'm supposed to I was supposed to like backtrack and go yep no same triggered demon well I made all of these guys disappear pretty cool magic trick I don't get it where's the suit got it excited me - clapping - Mike I just got excited that I can move on was this made by the same developers that made limbo of the loss no it's made by the same directors of Jurassic world I can't tell if I'm still loading if I kept I can play let's hit up an impulse 101 I just want to get to all the cutscenes that's all I care about so there's one over here maybe hmm what about this one Oh oh my god they're fat they're no flipping - where's the next gutsy net well it's that's one hell of a trigger zone over there wow that's a massive [ __ ] chimney for Santa to scoot his big ass down for Christmas damn [ __ ] Todd fire oh I think I saw trigger up here no there is another one another one what's up Mario the roast man appreciate it endless waves of enemies let me come over here oh and then there's one up here and there's one over here next one over here I'm gonna hit all the triggers I don't want to miss a single [ __ ] cutscene that all of them I think I got them all I'm really appreciating all the advancements in technology and level design game development has made since the last half-life game me too man nothing but great steps forward all right well let's hit the biggest trigger in history there it is my team I don't know it's a close competition between this and Kingdom Come wire its headlights part of the trigger my boys oh it's Alex speak Alex come on Alex god damn it they didn't give him enough lines but will you at least talk to me undercover agent 8-year old boy [ __ ] special ops steve buscemi I hope there's a cutscene damn it the only thing that makes this game tolerable is the cutscenes rock spirit has the best line at the end you lied to me you betrayed me you used me you [ __ ] up my face that's beautiful way to see the main character well it is rice pirate the main character I didn't even know that yeah pretty much this basically teaches you how to rely on cheap commands console commands is what they call them in the business I don't want to miss anything let's check if there's any triggers stock boat number one nothing stock boat number two clear as well all right moving in on the boat they keep saying on the boat I missed the trigger where where we were we I'm going to make this game about killing Freeman okay but why don't do you love mom anymore it's not even about killing Freeman he has one part in this whole game which boat love you two yet appreciate it what are you just memeing I didn't miss anything a new protagonist a new story and this is not a remake of a story that's already been told sad yeah that's definitely not yeah there's no I didn't miss anything on the boat there's this right here oh [ __ ] did I miss a cutscene in there [ __ ] appreciate it Mario damn well I'm still in the cutscene maybe I can go back or not the cutscene the loading screen alright as is tradition with loading screens you you're capable of dying in them where is it gonna spawn me huh I just get this red screen huh did it give me the weapon I almost crash the game I'll appreciate it Mario welcome aboard alright gotta restart the game I overloaded it with too much advanced gameplay you've come friends the door of fate shall open I've been waiting for you friends which one having to put triggers in the headlights please just sign the papers Jerry I would love to know the conversations that went down I want to [ __ ] know why the YouTuber signed on here I need to ask Alex next time I talk to him I have to [ __ ] know I just can't even imagine a world where even on paper this game seemed like something you'd want to be a part of it had to be good money just watch a full cutscene video I can't I'm committed to the beauty the art he made a bit about it I heard I need to watch it oh it sent me back quite a little ways it's fine a dream sequence cutscene can't wait ok I won't miss the boat trigger this time he was offered but refused money would he what are you doing Alex welcome aboard lovingly bill you've come friends the door of fate shall open Oh mai bine doesn't work anymore in waiting for you friends why isn't my mind working beef muscle doing the stream of favor and requesting you type quit smoking in the console you filth oh my SV cheats is off I'll put I'm gonna put quit smoking and there just give me a second why isn't the SV cheats working there we go all right so quit smoking you say it crashed the game again is that just a joke because it's like a kill switch oh I get it quit smoke classic hook line and sinker on me you little stinker I got me good yikes Royall radius and the hounds and pranking me out here extremely sweet Mario I appreciate it nope this is your bulge oh well what's this nozzles you and cuddles some good fanfic I'm sure they'll come up in the game later so let's see if I can find the boat trigger everyone was telling me about apparently it was blatantly obvious where it was because I mean that's not the boat trigger that is lighthouse but I'll hit it anyway hey love the stream Congrats to my friends Ramanathan to engage wrong yard Congrats on being engaged epoch means making type put in the console come on lololololololololol alone yeah I [ __ ] hook line and sinker Don it oh wait here's something cutscene the world's smallest trigger I forgive you people to [ __ ] did that do Wow indeed I supposed to be on a boat if you like I'm in one of the racing minigames in an old spider-man ps2 game where you have to go through like the little rings and [ __ ] for a minute when this game sells I promise I'll have the money your daughter needs to eat Jerry I hope you got the money that she needed this deserves it play the game you clearly haven't seen the game the only way to progress throughout the game is to know clip genuinely some of the levels aren't done so I don't even want to take the risk of this one being one of those plus why would I want to just run through here shooting things occasionally [Music] it's not even anything here I don't understand I don't know what all the little triggers are scattered throughout the world like Easter eggs [Music] [ __ ] yeah that's a great name for the Swan oops it's a new enemy fun go back to the MIB headquarters [ __ ] boy this looks like the whatever the lady is from the new Star Wars movies like the master thief like the the badass old lady or whatever yes yes well actually I haven't seen the president there's more where I'm supposed to go with this one I'm 100% sure that it's infinite enemy as per usual so what's the point their dollars will you be my friend I promise to nuzzle and oh oh you all day long employed oh it's so sweet I can't make that kind of promise though I don't know I don't know how to nestling is destroy the gunship in all series of us you're doing the Lord's work [ __ ] on [ __ ] games is a necessary thing so we may all smell its sweet glory amen thanks I think it's definitely in the running for a game of the Year award one or two of them at least doing a kill all command is not a bad idea I'm curious if that would do anything whole level of stolen from gta5 like I heard and I heard they stole every single level in this game and some of the cutscenes are ripped from Metal Gear I really just want the cutscenes this game is awful to play yeah Mickey's definitely the only one man enough for that kind of job all right this is totally unrelated but I want to see a fanfic where Mia from Need for Speed Most Wanted drills razor with authority wants CK hmm that sounds so lovely ask royal radius to do it they've clearly got an eye for quality I have to be towards the game Gordan VR I've heard a lot about another known any minute now we're gonna have something on the screen and god dammit it's gonna blow us away I don't know if you can hear me over the sound of war but it's it's here I'm talking any minute now it's gonna be a mind-blowing cutscene any minute a realistic simulation of what it's like to have a gunfight the sensory deprivation when all the guns are using a muzzle flash suppressor let me fire a few shotgun rounds with my own any second alright let's try a different approach here can I do a kill all no well Jesus Christ holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] James I appreciate it man how the [ __ ] do I get out of this stuff so I can give you some high quality gameplay reload at yeah good call thank you didn't remember it [Music] I forgot where it was if somewhere over here right something like that all right James you ready high quality gameplay coming at you I'm not gonna noclip this just to play it safe I hate I'm here I did everything normally I swear to God justice wasn't just as intended oh I heard about Billy Harrington I can't use this because I'm not in third person I know I knew that was the problem now I can take it down oh god I need impulse full house as the Lord intended you'll never catch me I appreciate that SCU's glad you agree with my perspective on that matter why does my screen keep going like this [Music] I'm trying to use this but it's not letting me do something turn god on I don't need to they stopped attacking I've made friends now it's just a bunch of cameras just like in Hunger Games and [ __ ] you know the cameras fly around that's what this is that's all it is they're not enemies let's try a different trigger point one of these maybe this one got it see I knew I'd figure it out did the game just crash it says not responding well I refuse to believe a game is structurally sound as this one would ever crash on me well I'm gonna take a piss real quick and when I get back I expect a great cutscene to greet me oh Jesus do not know God the water I'm glad I came back in time Hebrews 13:2 [ __ ] I have to pee so bad welcome aboard gentlemen I am captain Rosa oh this is a kalasa colossal as colossal as crazy as what he goes by now you're in charge don't expose us we're just boys except him he's a real man that's solid snake after [ __ ] a trailer-park boy your name young man you tubers are part of this your name who are you Oh God Nicola welcome aboard Zach Skinner this is for Metal Gear Solid bud that's right is it from God the door for others sake yeah oh my god I've been waiting for you missions from God descent to save us or perhaps you are God him exist assuming does this is the only reality what's up Doug huh what Alex what kind of curse is this I do I do think this could be game of the year nothing but some [ __ ] whoever's at the top of his command dies colonel cue [ __ ] you hours javi they're all dead well Chuckie Finster died his hair he lives he's gone blonde it's just a coincidence there's no such thing as a curse that's not true ask Jack Sparrow sergeant kiss [ __ ] kiss him you and Jill man from now on earn to my what is this game was made to be long for thinking I think it was this is his creative vision come to life 1 2 1 see even the node graph out-of-date that's the sign of real creative vision elf ass I'm just gonna go to the trigger I'm I'm sorry you can't pay me to go through more waves in those families 20 how's it going you go just playing some quality games which one of these is the end trigger this one's found it no maybe not one of these has to be ah this one of course no I'm missing a glorious moment what do you mean [Music] what did I miss oh I see this is indeed glorious thank you prick opening my eyes to real war strategies beautiful all year I'm glad I went back for this I enjoyed that that display of true grit and skill well they're still at it babies it doesn't stop oh thanks alders [ __ ] shots I don't even need the help we've got it under control maybe it's so [ __ ] loud okay I'm turning on god mode and I'm going to TLB right back did we win the war did we do it how many do they have to kill sorry Johnny boy I can't hear it I'm gonna go back and read the head know what their game wait for a moment the game is a hunt down the free man it's 2018 is hottest title any news on podcast guests I guess doesn't have to stay tuned big exciting stuff coming up okay I think you're wrong I don't think there's a finite number of enemies here I'm pretty sure it's infinite just like every single other encounter oh wow I waved at me hey I saved the day what do you have to say about that Alex curse my ass skill strategic lawsuit hey I was over there [Music] is that it is that a squad mate eat it [ __ ] definitely this I'd prefer Andromeda well I was looking for an actual game but this in every other way what just happened it looks like you Oh captain now captain Mitchell all part of the plan Alex what I don't even understand SAS Evan our war there are no more countries only territories where they once were all the governments having been replaced by one the combine the alien combine Empire had enslaved humanity put in place of puppet leader dr. Breen and started siphoning the earth's resources shorelines fell exposing the seabed the remaining humans were gathered by B the game the world outside of such areas fill its wildlife native to other worlds sneaking the exteriors yes they really interest upgraded a facilities like Nova Prospekt were opened their goal being to modify humans erase their memories and assimilate them into their armies while some humans were conscripted into service others volunteered either for preferred treatment better living conditions or personal reasons thus the civil protection branch of the combine overwatch was formed Earth's so-called is it just supposed to be a black screen is there nothing else to be a force to be reckoned with but an exploit was found they had immense power over the air and even more on land but they lacked naval capabilities due to their overall goal of draining that resource until that happened we needed a way to defend our ship from their air superiority and for that we needed to go to city nine otherwise known as new Alaska oh thank god it's not over I was super worried I had beaten the game oh just a little PTSD flashback to when I triggered that cutscene the captain got sliced in half by ninjas and thrown at us that was that was a nail-biter there I actually thought the game was over I would have been so disappointed Oh Baby this Alaska looks new a minute is this the dream sequence you were talking about this is better than ride to hell retribution my friend did I just die is that scripted cool where am I supposed to go oh do I still have my night vision no it's a wall it's a dead end no I see he's got to feel my way out in here that's one way of looking at it solder yeah I mean I still appreciate it man I think you're just messing around but regardless I still appreciate it and if you do want to challenge him to a 1v1 make sure it's on the hunt the hunt down the free man battleground [ __ ] this where's the triggers shows what happens when you try and play a level normally can't see a goddamn thing Christ this is only Act two what well well it what is Matt Fulbright do I've never used that one and I didn't do anything oh my god this lunatic act - you've got some nerve buddy I love it what happened I think I came in a little hot I'm in oh yeah a new weapon a new game now I'm ready for action 360 noscope this is a bad thing all I need is the willies he's just going to be a long grind Google doesn't censor words you can say whatever the [ __ ] you want on those things no it's it's almost over its act to most plays and [ __ ] ended act to this entire level is empty it's meant to waste your time so you get a refund ste well thank you for the insight Quincey I'm gonna have to outsmart them here I'm not falling victim to that old ploy got it got it oh my god check out this shot the fate fade away Boston [Music] yeah no I didn't plan on refunding it I want to support games like this it's rare you have something as incompetent as this game and I would love the support of this masterpiece follows the ranch and that construction I hope we're so lucky god it's so good [ __ ] I would love if it wasn't just the black screen though I'd like a little more here okay let's try Matt Fulbright here see what we're dealing with because I'm still in the game nothing uh-uh I just got really tired of runescape and hearthstone hearthstone because you have to keep dumping more and more money into if you want to stay competitive in runescape because the only way to make meaningful GP in that game is through staking which is just all random chance I'm gonna have to reload okay let me cite now I can pull off my fadeaway oh I it seems I was never loading at all I just went too far into the trigger zone this one is this the levels end got it damn it let me thank you oh I have to put something in there god damn it oh it wasn't far now that's a puzzle and a half oh [ __ ] you heard there was child porn in the files of this game he said a joke it's not keemstar DLC he's the president in this game what else lots my supposed to be doing here this do it touch it's not a joke there is how is this still on steam I'm gonna look that up myself actually hold on I'm not looking for the child porn but I'm seeing if that's an actual news story right now yeah it's not it's just a joke yeah there's nothing about that it just seems like a joke oops where's the button that I'm looking for there are no buttons in here only sadness that's not a button bought a new 4k TV today only to watch you play this kind of dumps to garbage fired is this game keep up the great content worth every penny appreciated I solved the puzzle how am I supposed to [ __ ] do I don't I don't get it what did I miss in this beautifully designed game something over here maybe I forgot to trigger an important one no I think I can beat the level nope Oh third person you're right yeah what am I do what the [ __ ] what did I get this God the ultimate weapon flying ninja it opened the door I load it in from yeah see the doors open but that doesn't help me so I come through here and then oh I did I was supposed to just stand in there another new personal best on time and mission why are you still streaming this garbage this cart this cart this garbage it's got to be a meme it's gonna be [ __ ] joke I'll never forgive you for something like that you got a sponsor the stream now in order to earn my forgiveness for calling this this magnum opus garbage did Carl died Oh Carol I'll rest in peace Carol I stopped watching that show a couple of years back well what the [ __ ] [Music] you [ __ ] that's the developer himself spitting in my face apparently the game has textures of male child genitals who started that rumor I didn't see anything online about that time to reload there's gonna be an update tomorrow that changes a lot of stuff I'm glad I did I spawn in dead I'm glad I played this today before that went live that's what I'm seeing this garbage I'm [ __ ] real I'm just gonna no clip immediately and try and fly away what just happened whatever I'll just load from here I guess Carl died Carol is still alive oh thank god justice please load in is it not going to even load for me why isn't it loading what the [ __ ] no don't lock me out of the game I'm just getting started come on what no I have to beat this before they fix it oh my god it's not letting me restart the game good idea good idea it's not panic yet this is a master piece of [ __ ] a master piece of brilliance that's what they used to say about Mozart when he was still wants not true at all he was hailed as a prodigy and a god even back then [ __ ] now the game won't even quit I have to hard quit it from the console you're not the console the command center and just as we got the shadow Moses that sounds so great I need to see shadow Moses oh thank god whoo Oh that'll lube up your shit-stained [ __ ] panic turn off steam automatic updates that is one solution but the other one is just to beat it now TSSs hunts the free man what is he a deer or something tsssss you're [ __ ] crazy I mean he's near and dear to my heart but he's not an actual deer no of course not that'd just be that'd be silly and a game as serious as this that would just be downright silly okay I'm not going not gonna no clip through this one what would this get on the moist meter objectively like it a five to ten percent because it literally doesn't work most of the time but the sheer fun factor of how bad it is like an 80 is [ __ ] fantastically enjoyable ten tenths best game ever that's what I'm saying well eight out of ten but yeah that's what I'm saying well is it not gonna let me play past this point I think the game is once again crash but I'm going off on a lemon praying there we go back in the action baby back in the saddle again how long is this level I know the guy said it's just emptied a pad for time but fremantle what did he get out of prison or something [ __ ] home run home run schipper play Pepsi man you could play some Pepsi man sometime not today though I'm busy playing 28 teams hottest new title this reminds me of a fort Briggs from Full Metal Alchemist looking for something I would never cheat into video games although that's one thing you should know about me right now I play games the way they were meant to be played what is shooting me oh it's a bunch of snipers [ __ ] easy [ __ ] easy toy cork Dunn's know it sound a lot more masculine and intimidating than that you must just be listening to something in the background that's clouding it this really is a beautiful looking Ridge compared to everything else in this game they got a photorealistic wrench in here isn't that the wrench from prey I think so Jesus's entire arc is nothing it's just emptiness holy [ __ ] they have no shame I hear a helicopter maybe something will happen oh well then now we're cooking Zolder that's my kind of game put it outside in the Sun or soon they can bury that [ __ ] a solid solution then I really should have used God known quicker do I have to manually reload my game again yes yes I do bang back in the end nobody knows wine and new Alaska I'll ask of you two the triggers that's what makes the world go around I don't have a choice the game doesn't work I see that's not a trigger for some where I'm supposed to go let me in actually a little fun fact General Willie no probably not I don't I don't have the talent to make an animation or something like that but it'd be cooler [ __ ] is this half-life 3 it's what gabe newell wanted but it's not official did I miss something okay hmm what have I missed I'm in a dome of triggers I forgot where I think a man who goes like this what a second comes back like oh well there's there's a whole nother level underneath the map I found the secret God didn't want you to see if the [ __ ] game is on for peeing fire tonight he's a mad man he's a tough it was a game the chief the jokes I actually genuinely liked those what am I missing here do I have to kill these guys if I have to she already left yeah but I let her know you say hi lunar what am I missing glad to take this thing down how do I follow this thing guide me to the promised land Steve refun plays Jesus steam refund page please [ __ ] this games bad script and voice acting is [ __ ] up my own and talking what are they carrying here a coffin who died is that Freeman in there this level is the biggest polish hit I can't I cannot even imagine playing this normally it'd be unbearable is this the end was it doing where did it go the universe ate it I guess Wow where am I supposed to [ __ ] go tried over there maybe we should shorten no no that's not gonna work so you know if I was playing ordinarily I'd be coming up here I'd see this I am in white like Jim smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile Oh stealing a page at an average playbook a bold move much love as well when did I pick up an ak-47 yeah just goes on a loop Christ Thank You Kitty Hawk I don't get it where did I [ __ ] come from I'm reloading I don't remember where I came from that might help turn around okay so I've restarted this is new maybe we have to protect the helicopter hit [ __ ] I lost the helicopter thanks dad there it is down here oh yeah oh wait here's the skeleton that I picked up the [ __ ] from love you Charlie greater than 7 greater than 7 greater than 7 greater than 7 greater than 7 at the movie theater than 7 greater finally found it 7 greater than 7 greater than 7 I choose to endure this pain in pain John I've chosen this high we todd oh I see classic now show triggers there has been a cutscene in so long the audacity of this game blows my mind back end to the left twice this is a good game soggy for this 10 out of 10 no I'm enjoying this I'd wouldn't rather be soaked in Bleach this guys wearing recorders on his feet damn he did not like that not one bit what's over here I can't tell the dingos strong I don't know Willy he hasn't reached out to me or anything I haven't seen him in a long time who poo reum ski-doo boom boom pow skinny Twp bop Boop bop dedede Scott man need cool song this way oh I recognize these characters I recognize these guys finally something that makes a little sense now this is steam allows anything to go on even games a hernia all I have to do is say there's a game hunt down the bugs it's not what I'm playing playing hunt down the free man up yeah I'm just gonna I don't know why I'm trying to play this normally I'm just going for cutscenes again that was the this where I came from ya know it's gonna be this one hmm this puzzle is outsmarting me let's try this more like hunt down the P man yeah pretty much am i beating this tonight I plan on it I don't know if I'll have the patience for it but I do plan on it as you got into the keemstar part yeah that was in the beginning why good why did I pay for this I got it when it first came out and I didn't know anything about it it looked like just the right amount of trash and I was right am I going to hunt down the free man con I hope they have won if they do I will and I'll ask them why I didn't get a part in this game the game didn't freeze it's just a really long loading screen to the untrained eye of a non gamer it might look like it froze but to a hunt down the free man connoisseur like myself I know it only takes ten minutes to load babe they're going nuts for this game they've never seen anything like this and like I told you no freeze just load when you're dealing with a game with a game that's as graphically intensive and futuristic as this you need that long load time it's gotta pull resources from across the universe like a Goku Spirit Bomb just to fuel this [Music] we stuff on act 2 chapter 2 I'm one step closer it could be anywhere from seven hours to 70 hours I really don't know good like I said I bought this when it first came out no one knew what this was and no one even noticed the world changing right before their very [ __ ] eyes lunar dreaming says hi you thought I forgot didn't you lunar bang a cutscene right there where it's just loading with all these triggers is this a [ __ ] gun store or something your fault is crazy here [ __ ] on fire Jefferson [Music] a minute please I'm going to release this last $1 game with no executable and only Windows graphics on Steam let's see how much money I can make off it I would assume you've come here to assassinate me but your outfit doesn't look like someone who would like to sit in my chair I do apologise for my rudeness my name is Boris I am the administrator of this fine Factory look I don't want to kill you not in front of your daughter I'm just here for the weapons weapons mister do you have any idea what we produce in this Factory not weapons not weapons what are those things those things are called creators you could say they are in a way extreme oh Jesus Christ my mics been muted what the [ __ ] I'm so sorry I was tossing zingers out there I'll just start over and pretend like for the first time bald man more like bald Howie Mandel because he's bald in this case agent Mitchell a more like agent [ __ ] all children he's a pile of [ __ ] yes this is how they control all the new generations the combine raises them as slaves forcing any child older than the age of five oh my god about those younger than five hey Donna long time no I'm sorry she went out again how's the puppetry lay that one next lunar sorry I don't think that's disgusting at all excuse me think about it wasn't the main reason we were trying to go to space for decades for the resources even though he had the power to snow we did that wouldn't we now we enslave our own kind we couldn't care less always been between predator and prey I appreciate that isolated phantom I hope that Chinese wine with us returned am I gonna speedrun this yeah I plan on to them eventually resources draining the oceans enslaving humans enjoy your time while you can Boris because sooner or later humans will rise up and put a stop to this but this time around humans won't even last seven hours they won't stop with the military they will come for all of us even for you not Morris I just want to know how to otherwise Tetris doing well share the same feelings as you I have to agree with what you say we just maybe they call so many creators coming out of here it must be a fork in crematories I was the worst one yet Jefferson but you tried your good man Boris now get out of here take your daughter and leave before I [ __ ] ya I'm gonna burn the whole factory to the ground but this is my Factory you would've do this for the children no I will ah the children I need an army an army of kids do what you have to do and leave even if you don't do this for the children the children Mitchell we will with more children [ __ ] yeah another cutscene baby that's what I play this game poor I love the cutscenes I'm here kids we're the kids I'll save them trigger zone trigger zone I'm here to save the day well too far too far you'll never take the kids we exit maybe oh no this is a kill zone probably this one over here I'm here for the chilled what is this they forgot to Anam hit pissed how fast do not worry children I wish it was longer I mean I haven't even beaten it yet but I already wish it was longer why are you farting electricity and I haven't kept up with the lore finally maybe it's this music [Music] let's try going from underneath see what I see [Music] blow up the triggers that makes sense because he was talking without you inspire me oh I'm glad that helps me out I hope you're enjoying it these are flares it's not gonna do binoculars I see it clear visual confirms the I remembered years or one days man that [ __ ] was so fun I think I played that game longer than any game I've ever played I played that for like two years straight just sniper matches got it bang is that everything more flares Oh [Music] God did I do it I think I think I did it you're welcome that's why it's number one doctor recommended for general health [Music] you have to kill all these guys maybe I don't even know if this thing shoots soon universities will offer it if we're lucky Oh found it maybe maybe it's really struggling what am I missing maybe actually you have to kill all the enemies for once does anybody know [Music] oh shoot all the explosive barrels that doesn't seem right at all I mean I'll do it just because but that definitely doesn't seem right especially considering I think these two you save the children I think it's just you bats no no it's just you it's trust me the audio mixing is second to none I didn't miss any he's going on why isn't it over [Music] [Applause] [Music] what what is going on somebody [ __ ] help kill the last enemies you sure I haven't had to do that a single time yet I think I think the guy knows how to program that kind of mission objective [Music] yeah that's all the enemies I think [Music] yeah that's every enemy [Music] where the [ __ ] do I escape goddamn they need to give you like objectives or something like text objectives tell me where the [ __ ] to go where am i flying my ass like this is new I see something new [Music] nope Mo's run Victorian skin suit [Music] is that what I need well I get as many subs as ninja [Music] what what the [ __ ] am I supposed to do how the [ __ ] do I see where I'm going because I'm a veteran of hunt down the free man there's not a soul left alive yeah let's just do this I don't what does the kill all command [Music] what is it who knows the kill all command gotta go to the turret I've done the turret twice [Music] I've done kill all that doesn't work [Music] I'll try again uh-huh I did it it was just killed maybe no I don't know what happened actually what is all right let's try that again oh it kills me [ __ ] god damn it [Music] [ __ ] pranked again so all doesn't work I guess god damn it well killing all the enemies wasn't the answer anyway I keep I didn't miss anything I hit all of the triggers so I'm not missing anything the only thing I'm missing out on is just mindlessly walking around in the slowest possible way I don't know why I'm bothering about I don't know I really don't know apparently there's a lot of hype surrounding this game I don't know why the fuss at once but apparently there was take that destiny to wizards things or ghosts thing whatever this [ __ ] blows what is the objective here but kill all that did not work but I'll try it like this and now I'll try it like this yeah it didn't work NPC kill all so let's try NPC kill all I don't know I don't know anything about this game is all there nothing at all or the franchise if there is one load the next map but I don't want to miss a question in PC destroy all that doesn't sound right at all exciting I've done bot kill it doesn't it doesn't do it it doesn't get the job done now I might be able to kill this guy because I'm looking at him but that doesn't help me why doesn't that work now but is an unknown command Oh MPC that's what was in PC kill this [ __ ] sucks I think I'm just gonna call it quits for now and then go eat I'll watch a let's play and see what the objective is here impulse 203 right but I'm still gonna call it quits here and then you don't have to dream about it I'll beat it another time not tonight I I can't stomach any more of just wandering around like a [ __ ] idiot here alright everyone thanks for tuning in destroy unselect I'll type that in just cuz it's there let's see you mine good the creators and they've hacked your game but it was a good attempt it's not my prison I can leave whenever I want I'm [ __ ] out of here and everyone thanks for tuning in that read who donated a massive thank you I really appreciate it to the new sponsors welcome aboard and I hope you dream of hunt down the free man it's a beautiful game deserves your oppa Jesus upmost admiration and make sure to thank the YouTube voice actors who blended their talents to this beauty take it easy everyone see up

Channel: Cr1TiKaL Full Streams - Random Videos

Views: 153,248

Keywords: Cr1TiKaL, penguinz0, youtube, youtube gaming, livestream, live stream, charlie, theofficialpodcast, kaya, kayaorsan, moist meter, jackson, andrew, huggbees, zealotonpc, critikal, cr1tikal, critical, cr1tikal livestream, Tiana, cr1tikals girlfriend, girlfriend, steam, game, video game, stream, critikal livestream, critical livestream, streaming, Speedrun, critikal live stream, Hearthstone, Yogg, Overwatch, h3h3, Runescape, full stream, Monkey Nuts, Playerunknown's Battlegrounds, PUBG, Fortnite, VRChat, VR Chat

Id: VSrRKq2lhBg

Length: 183min 51sec (11031 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 04 2018