Cop Christmas - SNL

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👍︎︎ 1 👤︎︎ u/Gato1980 📅︎︎ Dec 16 2018 🗫︎ replies
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>>> ALL RIGHT, ANOTHER ROUND FOR EVERYBODY. I'M BUYING THIS TIME. >> YOU GOT IT. >> KELLY'S BUYING. >> THAT'S WHAT I CALL A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. >> JUST FOR THAT, MAKE HIS SMALLER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE'S. >> HIS WIFE TOLD ME SOMEBODY DID. >> GOOD ONE, PAUL. >> AT LEAST I STILL HAVE A WIFE TO GO HOME TO. >> I BET PAUL WOULD SETTLE FOR A HOME AT THIS POINT. >> YOU AREN'T GET ANY ACTION SLEEPING AT YOUR SISTER'S HOUSE. >> BUT I AM! >> YOU GUYS ARE BREAKING MY BALLS. COME ON NOW! >> REMINDS ME, PAUL, I GOT YOU A LITTLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT HERE. IT'S A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO THAT NEW MASSAGE PARLOR DOWNTOWN, YEAH, FOR YOUR LONELY NIGHTS. NO, BUT REALLY, IT'S A PRETTY NICE PLACE. IT'S A FULL SPA. THEY DO REALLY GOOD MASSAGES, FACIALS, YOU NOW, HOT STONES. I KNOW WE BREAK BALLS A LOT. BUT YOU'RE A GOOD GUY. >> YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN ACTUALLY USE THIS, THANKS. >> I HOPE YOU DO. >> THANKS, MAN. >> HEY, PAUL, MERRY CHRISTMAS. >> MERRY CHRISTMAS. >> HEY, PAUL, I GOT YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING TOO. >> REALLY, CARL? >> YEAH, SURE. >> HEADPHONES, HEY, FOR WHAT? >> FOR WHEN ME AND YOUR SISTER GET A LITTLE TOO LOUD AT NIGHT! >> OH! >> NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, I KNOW THAT CAN'T BE EASY FOR YOU, MAN. MINE, I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR LITTLE SISTER. YOU'RE RIGHT THERE ON THE COUCH. >> THOSE WALLS ARE PAPER THIN. YOU MUST HEAR EVERYTHING. >> I JUST MIND MY BUSINESS. >> IT'S COOL. NO, IT'S NOT COOL! IT'S NOT COOL AT ALL! AND I KNOW WE BREAK BALLS A LOT. >> YEAH, WE BREAK A LOT OF BALLS. >> WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THE ACADEMY. I WOULD HATE TO PUT A STRAIN ON THAT. >> SAYS HERE THEY'RE NOISE-CANCELING BEATS BY DRE. YOU MUST HAVE PAID A LOT OF DOUGH FOR THESE. >> SOME OF THE BOYS GYPPED. >> YEAH, SOME OF US FELT PRETTY ROTTEN ABOUT NAILING HER TOO. >> THANKS. THAT MEANS A LOT, CAPTAIN. I'M JUST HAPPY SHE'S WITH YOU GUYS, AND NOT SOME JERKS. >> HEY, MERRY CHRISTMAS. >> MERRY CHRISTMAS. >> MERRY CHRISTMAS. >> HEY, IS THIS A PARTY OR WHAT? >> WHERE ARE YOU GOING? DO A ROUND WITH US, MAUREEN >> IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE PLANS ON A FRIDAY NIGHT! >> IT'S A NICE NIGHT, PAUL. I FIGURED I'D GO LET YOUR MOTHER OUT FOR A WALK. >> YOU KNOW WHAT, MAUREEN, I THINK MY MOTHER WOULD REALLY LIKE THAT. THIS FRESH AIR COULD REALLY DO HER GOOD. >> YEAH, I THINK SO TOO. MERRY CHRISTMAS, PAUL. >> MERRY CHRISTMAS. >> HEY, LET'S GET THOSE SHOTS! >> HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, WE'RE GETTING SHOTS FROM THE WORST SHOT ON THE FORCE! >> HEY, YOU'RE THE WORST SHOT I HAVE EVER SEEN, CONNOR! >> YEAH, RIGHT! >> HEY WHAT ABOUT THE TIME YOU ACCIDENTLY SHOT MY WIFE? >> WHO, BEVERLY? >> YES! I ONLY HAD ONE WIFE AND YOU SHOT HER. WHAT A GOOF! >> AND WHO'S THE BOSS TONIGHT. >> HEY, LOOK, PAUL, I'M ACTUALLY GLAD YOU BROUGHT THAT UP BECAUSE -- I HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEP TOOK GOOD SINCE THAT ALL WENT DOWN. >> HEY, MAN, FORGET IT. YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN MONTHS ALL RIGHT. . >> NO, NO, LET ME SAY THIS, PAUL. I SHOT YOUR WIFE AT YOUR WEDDING. AND I GUESS I HAD A FEW TOO MANY, AND I MESSED UP. BIG TIME. >> ANY ONE OF US COULD HAVE SHOT HIS WIFE AT THEIR WEDDING. >> YEAH, SURE, BUT I DID. IF I'M BEING HONEST, PART OF ME STILL FEELS LIKE IT'S THE REASON SHE LEFT YOU THAT NIGHT. I'M SORRY, OKAY. I'M TRULY SORRY, MAN. >> WAIT, CONNOR. MERRY CHRISTMAS. >> MERRY CHRISTMAS, MAN. >> MERRY CHRISTMAS, CONNOR. >> MERRY CHRISTMAS. >> HEY, RHONDA, PUT EVERYTHING ON MY TAB. >> THEY'VE ALREADY BEEN USING YOUR CARD. IT'S 2 GRAND! >> YOU GUYS BREAKING BALLS! >> YEAH! WE DO!
Info
Channel: Saturday Night Live
Views: 1,113,037
Rating: 4.7299871 out of 5
Keywords: nbc, snl, saturday night live, snl host, snl 44, snl season 44, season 44, snl host matt damon, matt damon, miley cyrus, pete davidson, beck bennett, kyle mooney, kenan thompson, mikey day, alex moffat, chris redd, cop christmas, s44, s44e9, episode 9, live, new york, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation, actor, musician, Matt Damon, Jason Bourne, Ford v. Ferrari, City on a Hill, Downsizing
Id: kgvtlWrUuxg
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 4min 34sec (274 seconds)
Published: Sat Dec 15 2018
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