This is pretty cool. We are at an restaurant called Jisaku, and we are about to enjoy a ceremonial meal called a kaiseki Yeah.
Isn't that what I said? Yes, it is, I reinforced what you said. Okay, you look lovely.
Thank you. The high priest of meaningless conversation. Arigato. I understand that you just learned the word arigato, but it is not applicable for every situation. It is to say thank you-- I was thanking her for coming into the room. Right.
So. What's wrong with that?
Well, contextually-- Thank you is never wrong. (speaks Japanese), Iowa. Iowa is a state that is not relevant here. Ohayou is what I wanted to say. Uh-huh. What's ohayou? That would be hello in the morning. I said Iowa 'cause I thought that was me saying hello. Right.
And that was not me trying to be funny.
You made a mistake. You were incorrect. Well, I do applaud the effort. She is moments away from drowning herself in the koi pond rather than hear one second more of this babble, ooh. What is that? Just sit. You work for me. You don't have to constantly speak. This from you, the man who turns the slightest answer to a question into a Russian novel. Sorry for my friend. Yeah, right. International language. What are you doin'? You're a pervert. That's the same face you make when you're smelling a lady's shoe. Let's just remember that every aspect of Japanese culture is influenced in some part by the Shinto beliefs that the gods, the Kami, are everywhere. They are in every object, and they flow through us. The Shinto is everywhere, in us, as well. I think you're full of Shinto. If you pass me your glass, I will honor you by filling your sake glass. Oh, you fill mine?
And you can choose-- And then, I can--
Whether you want to do the same, return the honor for me. And no. That is good soup.
A probiotic soup like miso will fortify your intestinal flora, improve both your digestion, but also your overall health and immunity. Really?
Yeah. That's funny 'cause I find you hard to stomach. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Now, some of these dishes were-- Yes, you are right to laugh, I am very funny. Yes, genius.
She knows what you want to see, and she gives it to you. She is laughing for real.
No, she honors you. She can tell that I'm being funny. No.
She is not humoring me. There is nothing--
She's laughing because I am a naturally--
I understand you, and I don't think you're funny right now. I doubt that she thinks you're funny. What is funny about you? And I'm sure this nice waitress, while she may not understand what we say, assumes that I'm the one in power here. Why do you think she thinks-- Because I understand this culture, and we resonate. Like a window pane upon hearing a certain frequency vibrating back and forth, she and I are resonating. You think you're resonating with her. Yes.
I'm the one that makes her laugh every time. You are the fly banging against the window. I'm the one she likes.
She likes you because you're a jester.
I'm the one she will eventually marry. Oops, that's awkward. Could you pour me some more?
Yes. I honor you, and you can choose whether you want to do the same for me.
Glass, please. And no. My question for you is, Jordan. Yeah.
In addition to Italy, you've had a long obsession with Japan. When did that begin for you? My fascination with Japanese culture began with the Karate Kid Part II. Now, that movie was shot and took place in Okinawa, which is a southern part of Japan. Mhm.
And well, Daniel was staying in a ryokan, which is a-- Daniel?
Oh yeah, Daniel-san. Played by Ralph Macchio, which is actually the Italian way pronounced Macchio, but I believe he pronounces it Macchio, and I'll respect his decision. So Jordan, let's recap.
Yeah. Your entire fascination with Japan. Mhm.
Stems from the fact that you saw Karate Kid 2.
Yeah. And that it was filmed in, where? Okinawa.
Okinawa. I have a message here for you, please press play. And hold that out to the camera as you watch it. Hi, Conan, it's me, Ralph Macchio. Listen, I'm sorry to interrupt. I just wanted tell that Jordan guy that all the scenes in Karate Kid Part II that was supposed to be Japan were actually shot in Hawaii. Oh, and Jordan, those weren't real dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Sayonara. It was Hawaii. Thank you, Ralph Macchio. You fraud.
I understand that movies are make believe.
You fraud. I think right now you're in shock. Yes, I am in shock.
And you're gonna try and talk yourself out of it. No, no, I'm in shock. Your childhood hero just came out of my phone. Yeah.
And took a shit into your mouth.
I am shocked that you had our talent booker reach out to his publicist, you have the connections. Yeah, I can get to Ralph Macchio. Yeah, yes, you can.
You, sir, are a fool. I do not know where Ralph Macchio shot the Karate Kid 2. It's Macchio!
Because I'm a fool. It's Macchio!
I am a fool for not knowing where that movie was shot.
It's Macchio! It's Macchio.
Macchio! And I could get to him if I wanted to. It's Macchio.
Do you understand? Oh yeah, oh great.
I can get to Macchio. Listen to you, right now, you sound like an insane stalker. We have footage of you with your eyes as wide as an owl saying, "I could get to Macchio, I can get to him!" I can get to Macchio, I can get to Macchio. I can get to Macchio.
That appearance from Macchio was fucking brutal!
Is that man going to kill Conan O'Brien?
I think Conan is starting to get to Jordan. This was the most combative that I have ever seen Jordan get. Not very zen at all.
MIRROR
Haven't laughed that hard out loud at a video in a long time.
Jordan segments are the best! love it
Borderline too mean for me. I preferred the previous tone.
for those of you who haven't seen the new karate kid spin off of when they grown up, it's great
Although I love Colbert, Conan is probably the best TV host of all time. I really wish he was in the place of one of the late night hosts.