Compilation of funny D&D skits

so that's a 12 on the dice plus eight for my short bow that's a dirty 20 uh plus four from Adam guidance thank you very much that's a 24 that'll definitely hit then I'm using my short bows so that's 1 D6 + 4 4 + 4 is 8 uh I was just hidden before behind that tree so I have sneak attack which is 5d6 6 + 5 + 4 + 3 + 6 that's 32 damage nice God damn it she's quick woo holy [ __ ] all right so the arrow strikes him in the chest the orc convulses and goes down to the ground killing him instantly Rowan you're up what do you want to do uh well uh you've taken out the tiny little one uh so I think I'll take out the big boy all right I mean just to remind you your current health is I think I know what my health is so all right sure make an attack roll okay here we go uh there uh so i' got four S two and then what that yep there it is that's a nine you rolled a nine on the dice what's your modifier um the modifier yeah cuz 9 plus uh four and what was that I didn't say anything I just if you've already figured it out I thought don't M if you want to say it you can say it I'm not doing the Maths for you Rowan I don't want you to do the math for me I can do the math myself go on one seven plus the multiplier that I got and then the thing that I had over there oh No I gave that to plus I sang the song which gave me a damage buff yep and then that gives me a grand total of 100 and 72 172 wa that's so much no Adam that's not right no it's not right you're going to lock in 172 is your answer yeah from a nine on the dice uh yeah does that hurt let me check ah just misses yeah 173 amoc class crazy damn it well you're a tech whiffs yeah and then unfortunately it's now the arc's turn and as I tried to warn you you have three hit points currently uh he gets yeah that's going to hit uh so he's going to hit you for 12 points of damage oh H know am I okay you had three hit points and he did 12 points of damage am am I okay 3 minus 12 Rowan is that less than zero am I okay which one's bigger 12 or three are you no you're not okay just go down to your knees you're dying oh ah you guys finally arrive at the bald raccoon Tavern the air is musty and it smells a little bit like spilled ale and damped Timber what do you do right what are we doing here again uh the the tattered scroll states that we'd find The Dread wizard Jala in the tavn yes and he shall have the fabled grimoire of restitution upon him yes we should find that okay sweet um I look around the tavern excellent so you examine your surroundings your eyes are drawn to the far corner where you see a mysterious figure singularly illuminated by a lone beam of moonlight he is shrouded in a heavy purple cloak and a large Dusty TB sits on the table in front of him okay is there anyone else in this tavern uh yes there are a few patrons and uh let's say a waitress okay this this waitress what does she look like uh a human woman uh average age carrying a tray of drinks are you there waitress what's your name oh uh my my name uh yeah it's an easy one that's it's a it's a k schur schurle what an unusual name where's it from uh you know around uh excuse me I should and how long have you worked in this tavern schurle oh um just a long long time yeah yeah yeah yeah but in all my time working here I've never seen anyone quite as mysterious as that guy over there I wonder what that's all about the mysterious man St shush schurle how many siblings do you have uh uh no siblings only child yeah do you have any family at all uh nah what no family at all not even parents uh no well I've got parents obviously what are their names uh jery and meridith a what an interesting contrast to schurle indeed now what are your most Vivid childhood memories and your most character defining moments from your adolescence uh I can't quite recall so you have amnesia well that's mysterious she could be the dread wizard jalter not even KN it yes I'm finding your inability to give a straight answers about the intimate and specific details of your life very mysterious serious no no look look I am just an ordinary waiter nothing interesting or mysterious here not like that guy over there look at him he's like squirming with mystery look I bet he's got great like fully fles out backstory not like boring old slurple here I thought your name was schurle uh Suddenly at that moment the wizard I mean the robed man stabs her in the back oh no I'm dying I have been murdered by this mysterious robed man I wonder what his deal could be before you can jump in and save them uh slurple dies on the ground schurle schurle whatever before you can save her the robed man stands over her body with a bloody knife in one hand and a grimoire in the other ah adventurers you have a ah I see very tricky I cast speak with the Dead on good idea good all right you guys arrive at a Dusty Old Tavern it's practically empty except for a few drunk patrons dotted around you sit down at a table what do you want to do sorry Rob before you start I have a quick question for everyone um in this campaign so far have any of you pooed I mean of course like I I've ped right yeah but have you said in character in The Campaign that you've ped Adam gross it's it's just a bodily function Alan well obviously we will have pooped quite recently I imagine yeah but have you specifically said that you're pooping at the table no but we're definitely pooping right Rob I mean you haven't specifically said you're pooing so you're saying that none of us have pooed no that means that we haven't pooed in months that seems like a massive oversight Rob yeah Rob why aren't we pooping well you haven't asked to poop I'm should we just get back on with the campaign I want to hear this can you just let it happen I want to poo you can if you want okay um is there a toilet in the tab there probably would be yes uh yes there is uh I poop what at the table no I go to the toilet and I poop there great fantasy role play guys I'm having a lot of fun P me off okay make me a constitution check and walk me through how the poop goes okay I I I get up from the table and I go up the stairs um I do then I I I I locate the bathroom uh it is um I go I go inside the toilet um I take my pants off sit down on the toilet um and and I poop oh what did you get so what happens uh I guess it's not a very enjoyable poop it's been clogged up inside you for months and through the effort of pushing it out you take three points of bludgeoning damage horrible oh and what's more you take a point of exhaustion from the strain here [Applause] [Applause] so does anybody else want to use the bathroom or should we move on no I'm I'm [Music] good the crystal orb of clarity the source of the dark wizard its power I finally found it I must be quiet time for stealth I finally found [Music] you see just like I said easy what you really think it was going to be that easy yeah I mean well I got the orb so no it doesn't work like that yeah this is D and D you don't just say something and it happens you got to roll some [ __ ] oh man you're going to have to do it again but with a stealth check first and you have disadvantage cuz you were in plate armor uh 18 and three plus your modifier minus one that's a two they're going to see you immediately roll initiative over there boom get him all right you finally make it to the camp you do however notice there are more guards on duty than you were expecting probably because the high counselor has warned them of your presence after the Fiasco at the Royal Hall such a cluster yeah so what do you do well I feel like I could probably sneak in there pickpocket the main guy and then I could steal the keys to the secret entrance oh how do you know that seriously what what do you mean we literally just interrogated that guard and he said that if I pickpocketed the main guy we get the keys to the secret entrance ah yeah yeah yeah I think that's him cuz he's wearing a sash and he's got the great sword like he said Hew that's right he's got the sash oh this all seems a little bit risky to me there's so many gods it's fine I've got plus 12 Ste just to remind you again they are on higher specifically for your party okay well I guess give me a buff then oh I can give you guidance I shall Grant you invisibility uh what's the components for that spell oh um I need an eyelash encased in gum rabbit the other on I've got one of those somewhere what about you R uh oh yeah I'll give you my aaric inspiration so okay there we go all right uh so just a just for my benefit your plan is to stealth in there sneaky as you can pick pocket from the the main guy take the key come back here all without making a sound yeah and to do that you're casting guidance invisibility and Bic inspiration yeah correct it's going to work perfectly all right go ahead okay Brit you can do that be quiet real quiet I'm really sneaking okay she's in position I cost guidance invisibility robotic inspiration inspiration of the B btic inspiration inspireing you so hard oh no yeah oh one day you guys are going to learn about the verbal components of your spells yeah but today is not that day so roll initiative all right after failing to get into the castle through the main gates you Retreat around the side of the castle out of sight to discuss if there's a different way in well that went poorly yeah I'm super surprised the enemy didn't just let us walk straight through the front entrance without questioning us at all wow Ben thanks that's super useful how was I supposed to know that speak with plants wouldn't work on the guard because he's not I can't even I can't even guys there are two viable options right the first one is either we go back to the Rangers Guild or we find a way to scale this wall do you have any ideas anyone got any rope or anything nope oh did you prepare fly today we could levitate over no I swapped it out this morning for animal friend ship surely there's a way to get over it the wall isn't even that tall uh okay do we pick up any any tools or supplies that can help us not me I guess we're walking back to the Rangers Guild or maybe Rowan has ideas first n sorry man I got nothing nothing no you didn't pick up anything from the Carpenters Guild when you were looting there don't think so oh oh I did get one thing yes is that useful I don't think think so no worth a shot was it was it worth a shot Ron I'm sorry try okay seriously so none of us have anything to help us get over this wall I only loot gems that's not helpful maybe just double check your inventory Rowan okay um nah nothing oh oh oh while you're checking your inventory uh you you noticed something make me an investigation check uh okay uh three uh no actually you don't notice anything how why are you getting me to do an investigation check like is there something around here that we're not noticing or something like actually can I do um a perception check you absolutely can yes uh roll perception check okay H up ah to [ __ ] uh you don't see anything all right well [ __ ] I guess that's it we're walking back to the Rangers Guild which sucks it's a two-day hike I know God we're never going to progress this Quest why would the DM put an impossible wall in the way that's so frustrating like what a Lal road block what's the point honestly there probably wasn't anything important there anyway but know right definitely nothing valuable in there sorry Vivian the Oracle maybe next time I just don't know what he's thinking some all right welcome back everybody it's been a while uh let's jump straight into it with ar cap of the last time cuz it was prettyy important uh you guys were heading through the ice Ridge Mountains in search of the Lost relics you found a cave to have a long rest in and While You Were Sleeping each of you had a prophetic dream Rowan in your dream if you remember you were visited by a spirit Guardian that gave you one of the relics the five-pointed star Relic and then when you woke up you still had it on your person so when you headed down the mountain you encountered some yetties that was a whole thing uh we ended up in this clearing in front of a mysterious door the mysterious door was padd shut it was encased in ice it was enshrouded in magical Vines and looking through the ice you can see there is an indentation of a five-pointed star Vines what do you guys want to do magical Vines well I've got this I step forward I approached the door I cast be with clant and ask them to stop boring our way please my friends let us pass my man and then I approached the door and seeing it encrusted with thick ice I cast shatter upon thine ice shattering the ice upon the door excellent it works exactly as you intended just take it down a couple notches no all that's left now is the padlock and the five-pointed star I unlock it with my thieves tools easily done for a rogue of your skill the only thing preventing the door from opening is this mysterious indentation of a five-pointed [Music] star oh me uh I suppose it's my turn uh right let's give a crack um so I basically go up to the door and Give It Away [Music] knock there is no answer no it doesn't seem like anyone's home should we have a short wrist no no no no no no no before you leave you notice that the star on the door looks awful familiar to you H yeah it does yeah oh I know what I yeah yeah of course um password bro you cannot be serious oh sorry hang I've got to got to got up of course I'm bad password that doesn't work but when you lean into for some reason sing into it you notice it's the exact same size shape and design as the star Relic you were given what the is this what would you like to do with this Relic ran um I don't know you don't have any ideas uh maybe it fits into something no Adam don't help him he needs to Lear [ __ ] idiot uh you you you hold the Relic and uh it feels like a key uh uh feels like a key and where does a key go a key to what I wonder oh my god oh Jesus Rob just tell him he's useless just freaking tell him oh oh oh oh I've got it of course hang on hang on it's a key it's it's a key it's a riddle the key get the right key so [Music] uh knock knock knock password star key uh the the the star glows and the door opens yes look I've got a lot to get through tonight and I've got work in the morning so we need to all right let's go through theing door I guess high five I'm not I'm not highing you what up high five what's up I did you all right so after hours of trekking through the Wilderness you finally arrive at the canyon it stretches out for as far as the eye can see in both directions and there's a bridge that leads across to an imposing structure the Hobgoblin stronghold is this likely where the Oracle is Yes actually uh because of the information you got from the beasts of the forest you know that this is likely where they're holding Vivian the Oracle and probably her staff of Prophecy oh my God yes do we sneak in uh you can probably sneak in you just need to get across the bridge first what is the bridge made of uh it's probably one of those rope suspension bridges with the wooden lats cool um so you set off across the bridge to I Fireball the stronghold we're not in combat yet I fire a fireball and the stronghold it explodes against the wall harmlessly okay I cast shatter oh B inspiration ha there's still no one around to hurt but it puts a dent in the steel wall and the explosion of the Thunder damage it rings out with such force that it alerts the entirety of the army inside to your presence oh oh damn it yeah so you start to hear War horns and War drums as the entire Army starts to mobilize the front door opens up and vava the Razer The Hub Goblin Captain you've been looking for and his second in command zerbach start to head out onto the bridge accompanied by their entire Army oh God fight incoming Emirate yes oh dear terribly sorry my apologies apologies apologies apologies this is not good we can't fight an entire Army by ourselves is there anywhere I can hide yeah there's trees around I I hide in the trees see you uh I ready a Sunbeam to go down the bridge as soon as they get into range ah as you start to ready it though you hold off because right in front of the entire Army being led with chains wrapped around her Vivian the Oracle ah [ __ ] so the entire hobgoblin Army including bug bears and goblins and animals they're all matching across the bridge towards you you've got a few seconds of preparation is there anything you want to do I cut the rope what you said the bridge was made out of rope yeah I did say that yeah so I take my knife and I cut the bridge I cut the rope nice yeah you cut the bridge that's holding the whole Amy yeah I don't know of any reason that couldn't work so yeah roll in a tech roll okay here we go here we go 20 oh yes plus four yeah oh it's a it's a disadvantage sorry because Zava it's a it's a secret for now B okay roll right here we go here we go here we go here we go that's another 20 plus eight so that's what 32 uh 32 I can't make that Miss so yeah that hits the the the Rope I'm going to cut it yeah do it I'm going to cut the bridge okay um look at it go uh Zava however he has a thing ah no he doesn't that was the other guy um they all fall to their Debs yeah yes good work good work yes yes yes you did it yes Hy H what was that oh nothing no what was all that you threw a whole lot of paper away no it's not not important oh that was the whole hobgoblin Ark wasn't it no it was UN important it was it was my uh shopping it was something I got to remember to do later that was meant to be like an entire thing wasn't it oh did I just ruin today's entire game session not today's session no oh no Vivian oh my God Vivian oh [ __ ] Doodle Doo and the St oh [ __ ] um oh [ __ ] hey you fell into my trap cuz it was a it was a distraction from the real threat which I have already set up if you remember there was Sky ground tree sky sky grout tree the the dragon that I definitely mentioned a few sessions ago you might not remember he is alerted by the screams of the hobgoblins fall into their deaths uh and so he starts to fly overhead and he lands and he says I'm Sky grow tree the wellestablished thread of these parts you guys excited for the new campaign oh man I've got such a good feeling about this one I know I'm so looking forward to a proper D and D campaign right the way from level one to level 20 yeah boy yeah boy yeah boy okay here allow me to introduce myself I am nether fantasma Elvish Wizard and sworn protector of the Blood Ring oh very nice I am Hosk the human B abandoned at Sea as an infant I find my way to the shores of ikan where I journey to find my family or what's left of them ooh okay um I am a braus a Wood Elf Druid abandoned by my mother and raised in the woods then the forest was burnt down by trolls and I swore Revenge right okay Ellen what about you man hi am poop MC Dingle f for [ __ ] sake a human fighter of the 69th order no Ellen you meant to be taking the seriously man I am taking this seriously God damn it Ellen who is this alen hm I'm sorry are you telling me that because my name just so happens to be poop MC Dingle fart that I am incapable of taking this seriously Excuse me yes Alan that's exactly what we're saying how dare you how dare all of you the MC Dingle farts have a long and proud history built upon the sacrifices of my people through the blood of the MC dingles are your lands kept safe no no no we're not doing this he has to roll a new character we can't give him to c a new character we don't have time no no I refuse to do a campaign with poop MC Dingle fart Rob he can't do this can he technically he has full control over his own character as long as he doesn't disrupt the session sweet NAA I know that we haven't gotten off on the V foot heck the fantasmas and the MC Dingle farts have a longstanding blood feed that predates the second cataclysm but perhaps we could put that behind us perhaps we could even be friends no no there is no way I'll ever be able to take poop MC Dingle fart seriously and there's absolutely no way we'll ever be friends you are going to ruin this [Music] campaign you must let me go no no I won't leave you me we must leave the volcanoes of our quarup listen to me n you must save yourself you're the only one that matter no no I can't do this without you you can't that you Musto I know it's hard but you must leave poop excuse me you were the best of us promise me you'll live a good life I will and long will I sing the Praises of house MC Dingle fart thank you friend after 5 years of journeying you finally arrive at the place we've finally arrived at the place yeah the [Music] place I wonder if there's anything significant about this place oh yeah oh yes yeah yeah in the distance you notice a mysterious Castle fantastic let us all head to the castle oh actually no no there wouldn't be a castle there ah a bye Castle right fantastic then let us all head in a random Direction uh just then you notice a mysterious woman hello hi but she's bad she's mean a cursed villain I I wonder if there's anything significant about this villain oh yeah very significant cuz she is the Paladin's what sister sister is it really you yeah hi it's me your sister yes yes I thought I thought as much good how are you yeah good um have you been keeping busy h doing um crafts or stuff yeah well how how are the kids I don't have kids good and uh uh how's the husband no husband no okay no no pause pause Rowan what ah look man I'm not really feeling this campaign wh why uh it's just being a DM it's it's a specialized skill uh no it's not if you want to be a player again I can take over uh no I'm actually doing just fine thank you yeah guys I feel like he's just warming up into it just you know give us some time yes okay fine he's warming up fine thank you br thank you uh oh now I've lost my place um uh I I had just been reunited with my sister ah yes okay uh she leaves goodbye farewell sister just then you notice movement in the trees these trees well obviously you're in a forest well no not obviously Rowan you need to tell us we're in a forest oh okay you're in a forest curs this Forest I wonder if there's anything significant about the forest not I wonder if there's anything significant about anything at all no really is there any reason we're in a forest no it's just a forest uh can I make a perception check why uh before you said there was movement in the trees so I thought that if I made a check I could see the movement in the trees yeah but it's night time so you wouldn't see anything what it's nighttime now yeah know's cursed Night Never End okay okay okay I light a torch so we can all see too late you're all dead what how it was dark so you didn't see the Ambush I win great dming Ron real good man thank you so if you want to see a good campaign run by a good DM just over there the V League D andd campaign don't come back I'm I'm doing it I'm doing the main I'm the DM in the main one I'm I'm much better than the one there I'm also in the I'm doing the ladies campaign as well with Britain so check it out

Channel: Viva La Dirt League

Views: 269,868

Keywords: NPC Man, PUBG Logic, pubg real life, pubg, pubg logic supercut, pubg movie, pubg parody, Viva La Dirt League, vldl, epic npc man, pubg mobile, pubg skits, viva la dirt league pubg, pubg funny, pubg live action, vldl pubg, gaming, online gaming, gamer, playtech, bored, game logic

Id: 7IRmGIAjJcQ

Length: 32min 12sec (1932 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 26 2024